not even victoria jackson's ukulele?

Fox & Friends: Why Doesn’t NBC’s Hurricane Sandy Telethon Have More People Who Sneer At People Who Need Help?

Well it is obviously Media Matters Day here on your Wonket, as they are our “idiotic Fox & Friends video” go-to, and Fox & Friends is on somewhat of a tear! Now? They’re just asking! why NBC would give Barack Obama such a wet, tonguey blow job by doing … a Hurricane Sandy benefit? Is that because hurricane relief and disaster management have liberal biases? (Of course it is. And it’s obviously just Not Fair to mention a hurricane right after a hurricane happens, when Barack Obama is good at cleaning up after hurricanes, and Mitt Romney is bad at it.) But it is also because they are putting a whole bunch of rock stars on a stage, right before an election, and they are all liberals, and as Steve Doocy plaintively demanded, “HOW IS NBC GOING TO CONTROL WHAT PEOPLE SAY???”

Yes, NBC has already announced Billy Joel, Bon Jovi, and BRUUUUUCE — because the aformentioned music-people are liberals, obviously, which fits right into NBC’s pro-Obama dastardly plan. There is nothing else we could possibly see that they might have in common! And to add insult to liberalism, NBC has NOT announced plans to let Kid Rock, Meat Loaf, or The Nuge! onstage to invite Barack Obama to suck his machine gun! This is all the proof you need of NBC’s TERRIBLE BIAS against awful music people who threaten the president’s life the great and very deep bench of conservative popular music!

NBC, get right! (So to speak.) Give us a little more this.

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  1. Barbara_

    How is this supposed to make "Obama look more Presidential?" Is he going to step out of Air Force One and wave a Bic lighter for an encore by Springsteen?

    1. Tommy1733

      He will no doubt sing another popular soul number from the 70's. The wingnuts love it when he sings.

    2. Serolf_Divad

      Obama's going to parachute in to the stadium wearing a parachute harness that's even more blatantly crotch-hugging than the flight suit George W. Bush wore for his "Mission Accomplished" speech.

      1. Geminisunmars

        As long as he doesn't wear Queen Liz's (don't call Her Liz) outfit from parachuting into the Olumpics.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        No, darling. "Boner killer" is her voice. Her panties have a sticker that says "Fresh until Sept 1986."

    1. OneYieldRegular

      I would almost believe this were it not for the fact that Ms. Jackson has a demonstrated inability to comprehend irony.

    1. Sue4466

      Also, none of their viewers. Or they believe their viewers are so stupid, they won't see that Fox would rather Christie have let them fester in misery than accept Nobama's help. Of course, Fox might be right about that.

  2. PuckStopsHere

    The hurricane is God's way of punishing us for Meatloaf singing "America the Beautiful" in public.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      My God, I missed that second video the first time I read this story.

      I honestly never thought I'd hear someone massacre "America the Beautiful" more mercilessly than Mitt Romney. But, Christ…. Mitt Sounds like Pavarotti compared to Meatloaf!

      I guess that in the same way that becoming a Conservative comedian kills your sense of humor (see: Dennis Miller) becoming a conservative Musician is murder on the vocal cords.

    2. nonbeliever7

      OK, ok, after all these heathen years, I see the light. Hurricane Sandy proves there is a God and she is subtly telling Mitt to fuck off and die. I'm changing my name to trubeliever7.

  3. Callyson

    Really? The timing is suspect? The wingnuts are going to double down on "heck of a job" Brownie's criticism that Democrats are acting too quickly to help those who need assistance after Sandy?

    I have a friend whose nephew lost everything thanks to Sandy–he lived on the Long Island shore. Oh, and he has a wife who is due to give birth in six weeks. Go tell him that the timing is suspect, asshole…

    /FFS again

  4. Schmannnity

    How is NBC going to control what people say? It could do like Fox and run electric wires to Steve Doocey's nipple rings.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      It is quite fitting that this is how the Dooce believes things should go – that's how it works, right? the Network tells you what to say? Here's the propaganda for today you pathetic little twat. I just hate these people.

  5. Ducksworthy

    I think the Foxians realize what an apt metaphor Hurricane Sandy is for what Obama had to deal with after Shitstorm Bush.

  6. Goonemeritus

    It’s clear that God is in the tank for Obama, what other explanation could there be for the timing of this storm?

  7. SmutBoffin

    Hurricanes are weather, and the weather is liberal*. Ergo, the destruction is Obama's fault to begin with.

    Suck much, NBC?

    *Saw it on Beck's chalkboard.

    1. HouseOfTheBlueLights

      It's true. Lovely, red, North Carolina outlawed sea level rise, that's why the hurricane hit New Jersey instead.

  8. actor212

    You know what? I hope one of the participants says "Barack Obama hates white people," so they can hear just how fucking stupid they sound.

  9. belmontreport

    Why would you raise relief money while people still need relief? You should do it after the clean-up is done, because that is when they need money the most, I think?

  10. Callyson

    "Where are the conservative performers? There aren't any on the list I saw"

    Um, NBC is trying to *raise money* for Sandy victims, not lose audience share…

    Christ, these assholes…I just can't…

    1. bikerlaureate

      Why is NBC discriminating against all the compassionate conservatives that are clamoring to help hurricane victims?

      1. BlueMonkeh

        yes. i'm sure all of the supporters of mittens that scoff at the layabouts and riff-raff of society would just give a shit-ton of their money to the victims of a hurricane if only Ted Nugent and MeatLoaf would perform a duet followed by a dramatic reading by Jon Voight and the comedy stylings of Dennis Miller. sure they would.

        1. bikerlaureate

          "Where are the undermedicated schizophrenic performers? There aren't any on the list I saw" …

  11. Wilcoxyz

    What's Kanye going to say this time?

    Barry Obama cares about white people. Sorry, WET people. Wet people.

  12. Serolf_Divad

    I question the timing too. Why would NBC put on a hurricane relief concert just after the hurricane? Why not six months from now, for instance? Or maybe on the day of Mitt Romney's innauguration?*

    *That would be the 9th of never, FYI.

    1. Terry

      I think Bruce should break down and talk to Christie this time, if only because Christie told Doocy off royally.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Because I believe the Gov did that purely because he believes Mitt is a sunk ship (pardon) and he is in desperate need in his state AND considering his own interests, I hope Bruce tells him he's gross and to stop fawning all over him til he actually learns what the songs mean.

    2. Tommmcatt_Again

      I think you just solved the "Why is Christie sucking up to Obama" riddle. He knows Barry has a backstage pass.

    3. neiltheblaze

      I picture him now – gushing and begging for an autograph on his original first edition LP copy of "Born to Run" that still has the plastic on it.

  13. Tommy1733

    "NBC, get right! (So to speak.) Give us a little more this"

    Actually, no, please give no more of that ever. Ever.

  14. FNMA

    Good Christ, imagine a triple bill of Meat Loaf, Kid Rock and the Nuge…There is a hell. The horror…the horror…

    1. Terry

      The strange thing, well one of them, is that Kid Rock has actually done some good things in and around the city of Detroit. Very bleeding heart liberal kind of things.

      1. FNMA

        No, the really strange thing is he fucked Sheryl Crow. How the fuck did that happen? (Roofies, I'm guessing.)

    2. poorgradstudent

      I'd watch it…if it ended with the ghost of Warren Zevon rip Kid Rock to shreds for completely ripping off "Werewolves of London."

  15. EnnuiThereYet?

    These asshats are just using what they find in the trash bins from the SNL writer's room.

    It's probably a James O'Keefe undercover operation.

  16. AngryBlakGuy

    …I realize that my memory has been compromised from several years of heavy drinking, but if I recall correctly Mittens of the high Sith put on several so-called non political fundraiser after Sandy. Even though he said that he wouldn't!!!

  17. elviouslyqueer

    I don't guess it occurred to Fucks & Fiends that the headliners at this benefit are actually from the states most affected by Sandy. Oh right, because that would require F&F to use "brains," "knowledge," and "research."

  18. poorgradstudent

    Yes, why would you have a fundraising event for relief from a specific disaster soon after said disaster? It's like they're trying to raise money as soon as possible or something, even if it means not every single person affected by the hurricane can watch it!

  19. 1stNewtontheMoon

    Pat Boone will be performing as soon as he is removed the no-fly list (and reanimated from the dead).

  20. actor212

    So lemme get this straight:

    NY/NJ/CT get hammered by a hurricane. Megastars from the area, people who are identified first and foremost as NYers or NJites, are somehow political because they agree to participate in a fund raiser, but the shitkickers who were there for Katrina, like Dr John, they were acting out of the goodness of their hearts?

    1. Terry

      Bruce also played Jazz Fest in New Orleans a few months after Katrina. Brought tears to everyone's eyes with a great version of We Shall Overcome. Jimmy Buffett was there too and did a great job.

  21. mrpuma2u

    Giving a shit about people in crisis has a liberal bias. C'mon, the states hit hardest are mostly blue states, why should they care?

  22. DaveJ

    FOXNews has the technology at the ready to have a hologram of Frank Sinatra appear at the telethon and call Jimmy Carter a pussy.

  23. Wilcoxyz

    Why hasn't the private sector cleaned this shit up yet? Is it just gonna sit there and let Mitt twist in his magic undies. C'mon hedge fund managers. Start mopping.

  24. iburl

    Alice Cooper, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, "Hank Williams, Jr.", Meatloaf, & Charlie Daniels are ready to sing.

    "We are the World, we are Amurca, we are the ones that God loves best, so let's start bombing. There's a choice we're taking, now Mormon rules your lives, it's true we've purged the rolls of blacks and students too."

    1. Terry

      Christie also stepped away from politics and thought about the people of NJ. That rates a few words from The Boss.

      1. bobbert

        I agree, but I also agree with Fakakta above that some of those words should be "Stop being such a dick most of the time".

  25. Mittens Howell, III

    Conservative entertainers are all shitty-shit-for-brains who no-one wants to watch, maybe?

  26. 1stNewtontheMoon

    steve, we promise after the next tornado levels east bumfuck, oklahoma, toby keith will be invited to sing about putting boots up the asses of storms and the like.

  27. actor212

    Say, you want suspect timing?

    How about the fact that the NatGeo channel is holding a special on Seal Team Six and how they kilt Osama on SUNDAY NIGHT??????

    Oh. Wait. NatGeo is owned by FOX, nevermind…

  28. Antispandex

    "…why NBC would give Barack Obama such a wet, tonguey blow job…"

    I'm sure there is SOMEONE at NBC that I would be glad to recieve a blow job from, if I were President…or not Presiednt. Let's see there's…well, I digress. The point here is, blow jobs for everyone, or no one! Sure, Mitt doesn't even KNOW (probably, you know, being a moral person, and a mormon) what (metaphorical or otherwise) a bolw job is, but I'm sure if it were explained to him, he would like one.

    1. ThundercatHo

      Not allowed cuz yucky according to grand poobah of Morans. However, may be allowed at some later date if LDS invests heavily in Fellatio.

  29. weejee

    I truly, truly, truly hope the Fux and Fiends blatherers spent all of Tuesday night, every freaking minute of it, stamping-out flaming bags of poo on their door step.

  30. SorosBot

    Fox is so desperate here, feeling pressure with Obama ahead and looking forward to glory days of a second term, it's like they're living on a prayer as they try and keep the faith, hoping for a Romney victory who's chances keep moving out. Now that this stormfront has turned NYC and New Jersey into badlands and ruined Atlantic City, (along with hitting my hometown, making the streets of Philadelphia slippery when wet, but at least that didn't get it bad; still it's my life) Obama has shown himself to be a big shot, responding greatly to the crisis and covering himself in a blaze of glory.

      1. SorosBot

        It took me almost fifteen minutes to get all that; now I'm kicking myself for failing to get The River, Bad Medicine or New York State of Mind in there. At least [It's] My Life and Keep[ing] the Faith are both basically doubles.

      2. nonbeliever7

        My hometown. I had to keep explaining to everyone that it isn't a total hellhole. Joel said he used Allentown since it rhymed better in the song than say Poughkeepsie.

    1. finallyhappy

      You are from Philly too? I grew up in Mt Airy, went to Girls High and Temple but this was the 60's and 70's.

      1. SorosBot

        Yep, lived there almost my whole life, just except for college and a few years afterwards, until two days ago.

  31. OneYieldRegular

    If these people become any more gelatinous the only way to stop them will be with a box full of salt.

  32. mrblifil

    That's comedy. These idiots reside in the area that's been hit, and surely, like all of us, have friends, co-workers, and loved ones horribly affected. But still they carry on with their pitiful monkey show. Like the bobbing bits of poop on the saturated streets of Red Hook.

  33. actor212

    Trix, thanks for the reminder. I've been so glued to the Sandy story that I forgot to donate to the Red Cross, but your story reminded me to do it.

    1. VA_Dreaming

      Nugent is the definition of rock and roll – when he moves the rocks in his head roll around.
      Meatloaf, however is simply the result of too many concussions when he played high school football.

  34. fatbob54

    Ok, so I finally watched that clip of Rmoney being serenaded by meatloaf and the other idiots and my head hurts.
    The whiteys make fun of call and response?
    The weirdo with the gray beard sings "I messed up the words"?
    The loaf of meat sings so far out of key that my dogs start howling?
    How was any of that even remotely patriotic?

  35. Jerri

    Eh, fuck them.

    ETA: I can't wait until Wednesday. As you can tell from this lackluster comment, this election cycle is just sucking my will to live right out of me. And it's not even sexy sucking.

  36. Come here a minute

    NBC is too biased to put on a country music star who will sing about putting his boot up Obama's ass — oh wait, I think I mean Osama. Whichever one is responsible for this tragedy.

  37. cousinitt

    Oh, FOX is just upset because when Mitt asked Jon Bon Jovi to play at a telethon for Mitt's trashed football field, Jon was all like, "No way Moron cult creep" and Mittens was all like, "Oh yeah, you, you singer of the devil's music, you!" And Jon was like, "It's a friggin' football field, loser" and then Mittens threatened to sell Bon Jovi's family into slavery.

  38. actor212

    Say, FOX? I have a proposal that ought to rectify this.

    I live in NYC, and would like a telethon. Perhaps you could ask Gretchen Carlson to come over and do a pole dance for me?

  39. TheGyrus

    NBC sure has a lot of brass to schedule singers from New Jersey and New York for a benefit to aid hurricane victims from New Jersey and New York.

  40. neiltheblaze

    See? Now here I was thinking that Billy Joel, Bon Jovi, and Bruuuuuuce were giving their time because they're all from the area and they all just saw the places they grew up get knocked around pretty hard by a natural disaster.

    Silly me.

  41. goat_thrower

    I heard that "Wango Tango!" is the first thing Ted Nugent said when he successfully dodged the draft for the Vietnam War.

  42. PuglyDoRight

    “HOW IS NBC GOING TO CONTROL WHAT PEOPLE SAY???” You mean like Fox does? Here's a question, Douch-ey, why should NBC control what people say?

  43. SorosBot

    "There is nothing else we could possibly see that they might have in common! "

    Wait I got this! They all start with 'B', right?

  44. chascates

    Limbaugh is apoplectic that the NYC Marathon is still on. First of all people in Staten Island are starving and drowning and secondly marathoners are 'health nazis' and of course are all leftists. You can't have more than a 16 ounce soda, you can't eat transfats, it's the end of America as he knows it.

  45. An_Outhouse

    If lazy, stupid, drug addict Obummer hadn't turned Sandy into Katrina, there would be no need for a telethon.

  46. Scavok01

    "…half of New Jersey doesn't have power and can't watch the telethon." Because so often the people affected by disasters like to give to themselves to help in the relief efforts to help themselves. BUT that's how well-heeled Republicans do it. You change the money from one pocket to the other and claim a tax deduction.

  47. Gleem McShineys

    How is NBC going to control what people say?

    Apparently it takes a multitude of approaches. You can hire 'tards, or keep the people showered in prescription meds, or even make their date-rape problems disappear.

    So many solutions to this problem, right Mr. Ailes?

  48. gingerland62

    "what's the hurry" ? Seriously, he's on TV asking what's the hurry when there are thousands of people homeless hungry and without power following one of the worst hurricaines in history? God Bless America!?

  49. SorosBot

    Yes, moved out here Wednesday; was supposed to on Tuesday but that flight got cancelled for some reason, had something to do with bad weather; now I'm officially a West Coaster.

  50. steelrox

    What a bunch of assholes at FOX, especially FOX and Friends. Leave it to them to question a concert to get immediate help to those devastated by Sandy. They have NO shame. Besides, I saw a show about them, its called American Horror Story.

  51. BenGleck

    Wasn't Romney's relief event held like the day after Sandy?
    These three are an insult to shitheads everywhere.

  52. eaglewon

    "half the state of NJ don't even have power they can't even watch this concert"

    It's not entertainment for the storm victims you idiot, it's for the rest of america to send in money to help the storm victims.

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