as i remember it you're a moron

Steve Doocy Explains: Mitt Romney Saved The Auto Industry!

Don’t, by any means, click on the above video of Steve Doocy explainering that Mitt Romney saved the auto industry. We cannot be held responsible if you ignore our warnings and your eyeballs fall out of your head and roll back under your desk and get covered with all the dust bunnies collecting on your tangled mass of printer cords. (If we knew how to make a googly-eye emoticon, we would put it here.)

Especially don’t watch if you don’t want to see an unballed former Democratic Ohio governor, Ted Strickland, completely fail to address the utter nonsense that is Steve Doocy’s claiming Obama copied Romney’s idea of “saving the auto industry” with his “Let Detroit Go Bankrupt” op-ed.

Instead of explainering that Obama saved the auto industry by copying Miffed Romney, Doocy should have explainered that in fact the auto industry is now dead. It would have been more believable.


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Barbara_

    I'm sure that President Obama gets all of his ideas from reading op/eds and from the horoscope predictions.

    1. Callyson

      Now they've moved on to "Utility workers were kicked out of New Jersey because they were non-union." Assholes.

  2. noodlesalad

    Wait, so is the auto industry saved? I thought it all just got moved to China by Mussolini? So confused.

  3. Lascauxcaveman

    Heh. I remember when words had meanings.

    My chickens talked more sense to me when I dumped last night's leftovers in their pen this morning than Steve Douchey has talked in his entire journamalism career.

  4. pukebot

    thats right deuce. mitt wanted the invisible hand to shove the auto industry into it's mouth, shit it out and grow flowers on the shit. sweet freedom flowers. yay!

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    "Unemployed Man Saves Multi-Billion Dollar Corporation From Bankruptcy"

    "Aw shucks, it was nothin'."

  6. calliecallie

    Ohio Attorney General: "I dont think there's an area where the Obama campaign has mislead more than on this issue…"

    WTF? sputter, gasp, I can't…I…fuck…fuck..fuck! Morans, also.

    1. eggsacklywright

      Indeed. The output of bullshittery is incredible. If they're trying to drive us insane, I fear it may be working. Unless that rumor about Ailes and Douchey being gay, child-molesting, extortionists pans out…

      1. cousinitt

        It's not a rumor. I heard it also too. If it weren't true, why is Ailes keeping Doody on the air? You know, right?

    2. Andrew Drinker

      Oh, you mean Attorney General DeWine? As in, the guy who was saying 3 hours before he got booted the FUCK out of the Senate in 2006 that his internal polls showed him winning handily? That guy?

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    If only he could go back in time and save American Motors. I loved the AMX I had when I was a youngster.

    1. Terry

      My sister and I drove an AMC Matador, candy apple red with black vinyl roof, as our beater car in college. It was almost indestructible (not saying how we knew that) AND you could tailgate out of the trunk with ease. We'd set a keg in there in a washtub full of ice and the party was ON. The only issue was once when we were ready to go into the game, we'd have to tilt the keg over to close the truck. The tap on top made is just a bit too tall.

      Good times.

      1. BoroPrimorac

        Why did Detroit go tits up again? It couldn't have been because the American automakers kept on churning out shit for decades. It must have been because of them damn unions made Detroit less competitive.

    2. EatsBabyDingos

      Mitt Romney's Secret Service code name is "Javelin," which of course is the AMX without steroids.

    3. fuflans

      my first car in the 90's was a very old pacer – two toned, beige + puke green.

      we stenciled 'wheels of satan' on it and drove it around ukranian village in chicago long before hipsters were invented.

  8. Hammiepants

    They really do live in some through-the-looking-glass alternate reality universe. But it would be so much more fun if all the guys wore evil Spock beards and all the chicks were dressed like hooker Uhura, so we'd KNOW he were in a parallel Foxverse.

      1. SorosBot

        No, that's a decent-looking goatee; the hipsters now wear full beards, as if that's suddenly acceptable, many completely unkempt and scraggly. They look awful.

    1. calliecallie

      You make me sorry Halloween is over, because those would be some badass costumes. Maybe next year.

  9. Oblios_Cap

    We cannot be held responsible if you ignore our warnings and your eyeballs fall out of your head and roll back under your desk and get covered with all the dust bunnies collecting on your tangled mass of printer cords.

    Thanks for the warning. I didn't watch that twatwaffle and lost no time out of my life.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    In related news, it has been revealed that Mitt Romney killed Bin Laden. As a member of Seal Team 6, not just sitting around in a conference room watching on television.

    1. Ducksworthy

      And why wasn't Obama watching his magic television when Mitt's Mormon/Muslin terrorists killed the Libyan ambassador, who's name, like the 4,000 Iraq war dead, we have forgotten? Huh?

    2. HistoriCat

      I read last night that all the members of Seal Team 6 who had been on the raid were murdered because of Obama releasing their names, so either Romney wasn't a member or a he has been replaced by a robot double.

  11. SorosBot

    A time-traveling Mitt Romney also gave FDR the plans he used to end the Great Depression and win World War II too.

    1. Callyson

      Some troll on HuffPo actually tried to argue that we were still fighting WWII when FDR died, so he didn't actually end the war. Of course, this same troll also said that we elected FDR to three terms.

      It was delicious to be able to remind that hater that the nation elected him to *four* terms…

  12. FakaktaSouth

    If they wanna talk copying they should get get all jacked up about how PresO ACTUALLY copied Romneycare. Oh, riiiiiiiight. Shut up Steve, you're a fucking lying hack who I don't think even knows what the words your overlords tell you to say mean in the first place. Just stop.

  13. elviouslyqueer

    Dear Doocy:

    At least when I put out a steaming pile of shit, I apologize profusely and offer a courtesy flush.

    The more you know.


    1. Pithaughn

      Really? Looks to me like they are deep in the advocacy forest, where no one can see the trees for the forest, and falling trees are all Obama's fault.

  14. TootsStansbury

    Who had the bright idea to go ahead and create a whole alternate reality? Who started this awful snowball of fuckedupedness? I would like to have words with this person.

    1. BadKitty904

      If they can create an alternate education system, with charter schools, home-schooling, etc., why not press on to the logical conclusion and create an entire alternate reality?

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I think it started under Dumbya. The people around him created an alternate reality, which the First Dope fell for, and ever since, the GOP has just gone further and further down the rabbit hole, rather than admit their role in furthering a world-scale clusterfuck.

  15. smashedinhat

    I can remember how my dad told me to invest in a couple of suits so ppl would take me seriously. Some have obviously taken this advice too seriously.
    *scratches testicles through black "Star Wars" boxers.

  16. freakishlywrong

    I'm jumping over "For fuck's sake" and going directly to Jesus H. Tittiefucking Christ. These people.

  17. docterry6973

    Obama will win – unless GOP governors can steal the election. The GOP will go absolutely insane, and obstruct everything they can for the next two years. Then they will be destroyed in the 2014 midterm elections. Here in PA, 'teabagger' is already an insult that the teabagger Senate candidate denies. Another fit of obstructionism and brinkmanship will be the end of them.

  18. Andrew Drinker

    Dear. Gov. Strickland,

    You were a great governor and I love your passion in standing up for the little guy, but WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON FOX NEWS?

    Mr. Andy Drinker
    Columbus, OH

    1. Ducksworthy

      And why did you agree to be castrated before your appearance? Oh, its a requirement for all Demoncrats? Oh. OK then.

  19. Tommmcatt_Again

    They truly are some of the more vile individuals in the country. It's the problem with "meritocracy"… It usually just means that the biggest scumbags take the biggest piece of the pie, because no morals or scruples.

    Case in point: Fox and Friends.

  20. rabritz

    talk about your parallel universe:

    'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.'
    'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.'
    'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master — that's all.'

  21. CommieLibunatic

    For our Editrix's future reference, I always reserve o_O as an emote for such occasions as ocular trauma in response to acute terminal dumb.

  22. poorgradstudent

    We've now reached the point where you can say that FOX News' studios are literally located in Opposite Land.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Let's start a serious conversation next week about giving them the contiguous block of red states.
      I'll sell plasma to contribute to the repatriation fund for non-"Real American" refugees…

  23. freakishlywrong

    This shit has 4 days to get worse. And it will. I'll be sobbing and saying "Bronco Bama" over and over again by Tuesday.

  24. cousinitt

    Look, I think the FOX News guy has it right, it's very easy, even a libtard should be able to understand. So, let me 'splain to all y'all: The reason why jobs are being created and the economy is getting better is because Romney wrote an op-ed piece in a fishwrap. Now, the reason why the economy is terrible and jobs aren't being created is because of Obama's failed policies.


  25. MissTaken

    I'm looking forward to the next installment of this series: "Doocy Explains How Babby Is Formed".

    Spoiler Alert! It involves Play-Doh

  26. Ayn Rand Paul Tard

    First Miff cracked open the editorial, then he chopped down the cherry tree, then Obama something-something…what? WHAT?! I'm not here to defend Rmoemoney's success stories…GO AWAY!!! F@#K OFF!!!!1~!

  27. imissopus

    Editrix seems to be on a "Post Only Videos That Will Make imissopus Want To Claw His Own Eardrums Out With a Mellon Baller" theme today. What gives?

  28. Detesticle

    Romney came over to my house last night, tucked me in, and left me a tooth fairy sixpence under my pillow. He really is a selfless savior of men.

  29. Antispandex

    This, along with Reaganomics, and The Bush Doctrine, is now destined for legendary Teapublican status. It won't be long until it is added to sacred Republican texts which proclaim that Reagan cut taxes, thereby increasing revenue, and that all other countries helped us find the W.M.D. in Iraq, because Bush was so beloved. History belongs not to the victors, but to the credulous.

  30. fuflans

    yup, just going to keep listening to 'the ramones'. that's all i'm gonna do i tell ya.

    Staring at my goldfish bowl
    Popping phenobarbital
    Life is so beautiful I've gone mental
    Mental, mental

    lalalalalalalalala I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

  31. Gleem McShineys

    "The General Motors of Detroitsbury were motoring their vintage wooden car industry through the large lake on July 4 weekend that year when, around sunset and about 300 yards from shore, the vessel began taking on water. Daniel Akerson attempted to dial 911 on his cell phone, only to lose the device in the water as the industry started sinking rapidly.

    That’s when Romney, who owns a home on the shore of the lake, and two of his sons jumped on jet skis and rode out to assist the industry, along with the family dog Vauxhall, struggling in the water."

  32. Slim_Pickins

    Reward of the uninvolved is a well known business principle. Lurch's compensation at Bain probably contains elements of this.

  33. labman57

    If the RNC told the vacuous minds at F&F that Romney craps out golden eggs, they would believe it and make it a talking point during their broadcast.

  34. Gleem McShineys

    "You can refute bad information from some people some of the time, but you can't refute bad information from all of the people, all of the time!"

    Fox News Motto

  35. ttommyunger

    Soon Colbert will announce another new verb in the political lexicon: "Doocey" – to bullshit unashamedly, continuously and without regard for obvious facts to the contrary.

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