Somebody Told A Guy Obama’s Columbia GPA Was Only 2.6, Daily Caller Takes 4 Pages To Explain

  Oh The Choomanity!

Tokin' NegroThe immense national controversy over Barack Obama’s college records has heated up to almost lukewarm with today’s breathless Daily Caller story about an anonymous Columbia University alum who says that an unnamed official at Columbia told him that Obama’s GPA at the school was 2.6. This unimpeachable (get it?) info-bombshell, coming in the wake of Donald Trump’s game-changing offer to give money to charity in exchange for the release of Obama’s college transcripts, somehow merits four pages of excited speculation, including but not limited to the ritual sacrifice of a chicken and the subsequent examination of its entrails.

But really, this is serious journalism that raises serious questions!

In 2004, after Obama’s successful speech at that year’s Democratic convention, a Columbia University official told him Barack Obama’s GPA, he explained to TheDC.

“This person told me that he [Obama] was a pre-law, poli-sci major, had a lot of incompletes, and as best could be determined after sorting through the incompletes, had a GPA of 2.6,” said the businessman, a former Marine Corps combat veteran.

See? And he’s a Marine, so to question this report is to Hate the Troops! It also makes perfect sense that a Columbia official would have looked up Obama’s records, calculated his GPA (adjusting it downward by “sorting through the incompletes”), and then tell an acquaintance about it, because the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974 totally has an exception for really good gossip. Also, we hate to be all math-y, but if you reach a cumulative GPA of 2.6 after “a lot of incompletes,” doesn’t that mean that you kind of had a pretty high number to start with? But, hey, either way plays into delightful stereotypes: He’s either pretty dumb, or he’s so lazy he didn’t bother to finish his classes!

Still, the Daily Caller asks a very important question: “Is [the] search for grades a distraction?” Clearly, when talking about someone who has been the nation’s chief executive for four years, it’s actually kind of silly to obsess over his grades in college, right? However amusing it was to think about George Bush’s amusingly mediocre grades, they were a sideshow to his tragically mediocre performance as President, after all. Thank goodness, the Daily Caller agrees that Obama’s GPA is indeed not all that relevant:

It would be better to find and highlight the topics that Obama chose to study, and to identify the teachers he choose to learn from, said one conservative researcher-author who has spent time pursuing information about the president’s academic history. Grades are a poor guide to character or ideology, he said, partly because they were so routinely inflated in the early 1980s.

If we are to ever understand the enigma (get it?) who occupies the Oval Office, we need to get the details of that paper Barry wrote on “The Lottery” as an indictment of middle-class complacency.

The piece also calls attention to the shocking double standards of those in the media:

Trump’s call for Obama to release his college records has prompted scorn from various media figures who would otherwise tend to support transparency in government.

Yes, that is hypocrisy of the worst sort, because when people call for transparency in government, they totally mean “office-holders’ college records,” not dumb stuff like “where did all that campaign money come from?” because asking questions about money Hurts Free Speech.

[Daily Caller]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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212 comments

      1. MacRaith

        True, that. My high school graduating class was officially 373 people. The guy who graduated 370th got accepted to UNC. His grandfather had to buy the chemistry department a new building to make it happen, but hey, he got in.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          The real question is how much it cost to get him out. I knew at least one guy at Cal who was completely screwed until his parents made a donation to his department – then suddenly he only had to pass a shit load of upper division classes, rather than go to a JC for a few years to clear up his spotty record.

  1. Goonemeritus

    I knew a guy who claimed he copied off one of Romney’s tests once and he got a “D”. I ask you is that the best we can do for President.

  2. noodlesalad

    Barack Obama, dumb smarty-pants, or dumbest smartiest pants?

    I love how the Conservatariat bends themselves in knots for Barry. He's simultaneously an evil genius who is secretly converting America to super-African "southern European" Marxism with soaring rhetoric and a bumbling shiftless idiot who can't string two words together without a Teleprompter and relies on invisible hands to guide him from post to post.

  3. BlueStateLibel

    Has anyone alerted Nate Silver yet? He needs to downgrade Obama's chances ASAP from 80.03% to win to 80.02% to win with this game-changing news.

    1. JustPixelz

      Which makes him smarter than many of us and smarter than 100% of the Tea Party. (Can you say "vaccination causes retardation"?)

    2. 1stNewtontheMoon

      but Obama wasn't on Columbia's hoops team, was he?*

      *attempt at NCAA joke about treatment of "student-athletes"?

  4. savethispatient

    Wait, so did he get a bad grade or a good grade for his "Insidious Communism 101" class? And if it was good, was that due to grade inflation, or because he was good at it?

  5. Loch_Nessosaur

    The original target for Hurricane Sandy was Columbia just so the transcripts would be destroyed, but only the chants of USA USA kept it from happening.

  6. coolhandnuke

    Oh yeah, well a friend at the Daily Worker told me that Mitt Romney only paid a 2.6 percent rate on his taxes for the past ten years,

        1. 1stNewtontheMoon

          The new blutarskis are still pretty convinced Obama was 21st hijacker (and Clinton was President when 9/11 happened) and Romney saved the American auto industry by letting it go bankrupt from his position as guest WSJ editorialist. So, you know. Circle of Life or something?

  7. Serolf_Divad

    Some guy* told me Donald Trump drinks toilet water when nobody is paying attention.

    *Coulda been a Marine, I didn't ask.**

    **On second thought, probably was a marine because… hey, why not?

    1. finallyhappy

      Damn -because I swear it cost us money and DNA to get the transcript for a class my daughter took at UMD

    1. FakaktaSouth

      "Some Guy" is the reason "Some People Are Saying" things on Fox ALL the damn time, thank GOD for some guy.

  8. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Screw 5 million for charity. It would be worth it to release the records in exchange for the 2 hours it would take for Trump to take the SAT and release those scores in return.

  9. YouBetcha

    Oh, so we're back to "He's a stupid Affirmative Action case," now? I was wondering how long that would take.

      1. zumpie

        The same way drunk, alzheimer's/senile (but the form that makes you remember really specific facts) OHJB raped Eddie Munster in his bottom.

  10. SorosBot

    “Is [the] search for grades a distraction?”

    Yes, yes it is; it also, like the birth certificate conspiracy theories and teleprompter "jokes", is grounded in racist assumptions.

    1. HistoriCat

      But obviously Obama's college grades are far more important than W's missing Air National Guard records were because shut up.

  11. Callyson

    Obama has faced little pressure from the established media to release his records, however

    Yeah, how dare the media ignore this game changing very very important story?

    /FFS

      1. elviouslyqueer

        My favorite t-shirt slogan during college was "They told me I had a good time."

        And yes, yes I did.

    1. finallyhappy

      I remember being in a medieval Play " the Castle of Perseverance" in freshman year- given my age, it was a modern work at the time

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    "Grades are a poor guide to character or ideology, he said, partly because they were so routinely inflated in the early 1980s."

    So, really, the 2.6 GPA, being inflated, is probably really a 1.4 or something like that? Well, I'm sure prez was probably pretty good at hacky-sack and frisbee.

    1. zumpie

      I'm opnly 4 years younger than the Prez and I don't recall any grade inflation—particularly at Ivy League schools (I didn't attend, but a lot of my friends did). Grade inflation and entitlement is a fairly new concept

  13. rickmaci

    God the stupid that infects these people. IF a person had access to his academic records, there would be no need to do any "calculating" of anything. His GPA would be indicated on the transcript and any other record of his academics. In other words the academic James Bond part of the story is implausible and therefore, we can conclude, totally fabricated. So much for another day of lying and making shit up at the DandC.

    1. 1stNewtontheMoon

      Yeah, but if you do that then you can't "calculate" all the classes he dropped as 0.00 when determining the average.

    2. Crank_Tango

      if you assume that the incompletes would have been Fs, you can easily surmise that Barry was born in Indonesia.

    3. SigDeFlyinMonky

      And you can't calculate my GPA because… Banana Slug commie Evaluations! Though I do admit to dropping Hacky Sack, Theory and Methodology.

    4. bobbert

      Yeah. It's been a while, but as I recall, the whole point of "incompletes" is that they don't affect your GPA. So one doesn't "sort through" them, one ignores them. Even the primitive rock-based computers in use when I was an undergrad were capable of this task.

  14. CommieDad

    Adjusting for incompletes…. the GPA does that. If you take a class for two weeks and decide it's not for you, that's not an incomplete, that's just excessive intellectual curiosity.

    Also, Harvard. Even if he is a Blah, I am sure there were many many many applicants of color with better GPAs than 2.6.

    And finally, we know that: 1) He didn't buy his way into grad school, as he was a po blah. 2) 2.6 is a better GPA than the last president who did have to buy his way into Harvard.

    1. UW8316154

      "Excessive intellectual curiousity" – I love you for that! My college transcript is so much more impressive now.

  15. hagajim

    Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend that I had last year…and it was a 2.6.

  16. Callyson

    Presidents should release “any information that a segment of voters would feel would be helpful to them about coming to a conclusion on who to vote for,” said Brian Levin, director for the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism at Cal State San Bernardino.
    “For anyone going for a job or position, generally transcripts are required”

    Um, actually, at most, employers only want to do a degree verification to make sure that people aren't lying about having a degree. Actual transcripts? Only in rare instances.

    1. 1stNewtontheMoon

      Maybe he's thinking of all the undergrad students who are applying for their first jobs. You know when transcripts aren't required? When you're up for a review for a job you've had for four years.

    2. bikerlaureate

      Rmoney's prostate exam results would be helpful to me about coming to a conclusion on who to vote for.

    3. zumpie

      Every now and again you'll run across an employer that asks your GPA. Ironically, it;s frequently for jobs where your grades are largely immaterial (like sales or a minimum wage position) or because the employer is kinda douchey and has an inflated sense of themselves.

      These are also typically the same emplopyers who want your SS# on your initial application (unnecessary and something I'm not especially comfortable with), will ask you every drug related screening question they can think of (and that if you answer "wrong", you need to not fill stuff out when you;re high) and all kinds of other illegal information

  17. Disassembly

    I can't reveal my source but I have it on good authority that the macaroni and confetti Christmas ornament Obama made in 2nd grade was lopsided and derivative.

    1. coolhandnuke

      Another one of them tree hugging pastafarians who can't think linear and repeats the liberal dogma.

    1. calliecallie

      2.6 from Columbia. That would make him a scholar in most Republican states. It's not like he attended the Southern State College of Christian Bible-Thumping.

  18. elviouslyqueer

    Oh great, Dok. Linking to a Neil Munro story? Now I'll never get the smell of douche and flop sweat out of my computer.

  19. Oblios_Cap

    O/T, but given all the $$$ Willard & Egg have given to the LDS, when is the mega-wagon train of relief supplies going to reach NJ & NY from Salt Lake City?

  20. ManchuCandidate

    Percentage of Daily Caller Readers that:
    1) Thought Columbia was in Columbia not NYC 90%
    2) Have the intellectual abilities to go to Columbia 0.05%
    3) Obviously feel intellectual envy 98.4%
    4) Are spiteful and stupid 100%

  21. OneYieldRegular

    Yes, okay, fine, whatever. But who would you rather have a beer with – Barack Obama or Mitt Romney?

  22. DerrickWildcat

    Hooray, Bird Friday!
    This is a Ruby-crowned Kinglet: He was not wearing his Ruby Crown today because he was trying to mingle with the peasants…but I knew who he was.
    This is one of the smallest birds of North America. Know how tiny a House Wren is? This is half the size of a House Wren! It's super hard to focus on a bird this small that won't stop jumping around. http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/8148327
    With his Crown and some fun facts! http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/ruby-crowned_k

    And an Immature Red-tailed Hawk that's giving me the stink-eye. http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/8148295

    1. DerrickWildcat

      Thanks folks. The powers that be are perhaps not so excited about Bird Friday. This was originally posted about 1 p.m. but was held until about 10:00 before it was approved.
      I'm not really complaining about it…they did post it afterall.

      But anyway, yeah, Ruby-crowned Kinglets are a bundle of energy and are in constant motion. They don't sit in any spot for more than a couple of seconds. I think maybe the only North American bird smaller than them is the Calliope Hummingbird.

  23. Jerri

    Tucker added, "Neener neener!"

    Man. High school just never ends, does it? And who gives a dick anyway? Bad grades didn't stop our man George W., did they? (IOKIYAR, I know, I know.)

  24. Crank_Tango

    I won't believe this "story" unless this random columbia official also mentioned the birth certificate, 8 fucking years ago.

  25. DerrickWildcat

    I got a .8 GPA my first semester of College. I got a B in Cultural Geography and technical failures in everything else.
    So I can't criticize a 2.6 because that was miles ahead of me.

    1. chascates

      I too was amazed to discover what being away from home could do to a person. After doing a little better in the second semester and summer school I wisely decided to drop out to lead the life of a peon.

  26. widestanceromance

    Why is no one asking the important question: how many of his professors were white women with jungle fever?

    1. emmelemm

      I really, really, really want to say, "All of them, Katie!"

      Because I have no self-restraint (much like the white women with jungle fever), I'm going to let it out.

      1. widestanceromance

        Self-restraint is nice, but self-restraint can stop you from doing. . .All of them, emme.

  27. Joshua Norton

    This person told me that he [Obama] was a pre-law, poli-sci major, had a lot of incompletes, and as best could be determined after sorting through the incompletes, had a GPA of 2.6

    Another wingnut theory based on only the finest barstool hearsay.

    1. SmutBoffin

      Why all the silly little details? The informant is "a successful Silicon Valley entrepreneur and a Columbia alumnus" and "a former Marine Corps combat veteran".

      I bet he also has beautiful eyes and and is filled with the spirit of Christmas.

  28. Mumbletypeg

    Why the fuck do these grifting turdbuckets think a bunch of yammering about sub-par grades is gonna matter to a populace they're simultaneously trying to dumb down??

    1. doloras

      You misunderstand the strategy. It's not that they're trying to make people think that being st00pid is cool – they are trying to overinflate the difference between the Elite and the St00pids, so they can then say that the Elite deserve to be our overlords forever because you're all just st00pid. And that Barry O has no right to be in the Elite because he's blah, I mean, st00pid.

  29. Come here a minute

    Just a marine? Couldn't they make it a member of the clergy, too? No extra cost for added bullshit.

  30. SmutBoffin

    This is the suprisiest of all October Surprises! Ever!

    The post-election "game change" books will surely pivot about this event.

    1. SorosBot

      I'm still waiting for a "surprise" revelation on Obama's past that doesn't come from his own fucking book.

  31. Zombie_Reagan

    "[s]aid the businessman, a former Marine Corps combat veteran."

    Gawd, I it drives me bonkers when wingnut rags attach a meaningless detail (e.g. John Smith is retired/active military; John Smith has been married 27 years and has three children; etc.) as if this detail will somehow qualify the opinion.

  32. 1stNewtontheMoon

    "…George Bush’s amusingly mediocre grades…were a sideshow to his tragically mediocre performance as President."

    Mediocre? is Doktor Zoom really Dana Perino? Mediocre is their best hope after 35 years of revisionism and a whole wing in his liberry dedicated to wearing flight suits well.

  33. carlgt1

    So the party that gave us doddering morons like senile Reagan, Dan Quayle, Dumbya Bush, Sarah Palin, and a slew of Jesus-freak anti-science psychopaths – is now the arbiter of intellectualism?

  34. Terry

    "Grades are a poor guide to character or ideology, he said, partly because they were so routinely inflated in the early 1980s."

    Jeeze, I wish someone had told my profs back in the early 80's that they were supposed to be inflating my grades. Chemistry might not have been so much work.

  35. iburl

    "This person" is a very reliable source, I've found him/her happy to provide lots of insignificant innuendo about our black president.

  36. StillGoinGreen

    2.6 is the number of children you can have in the south and still be considered a virgin on your wedding night.

    2.6 is the BAC of most Baptist preachers.

    2.6 is the effective tax rate of Mitt Romney in 2009

    2.6 IS NOT, however, Obama's GPA.

  37. 1stNewtontheMoon

    Why is no one concerned that Mitt Romney was clearly an Affirmative Action admitee to Harvard Law School? A Mormon? Really? I demand to see his personal statement to see how many times he mentioned Utah, his mission, and/or plural marriage.

  38. Andrew Drinker

    Oh please. This is all just sour grapes. They like to say Obama isn't a legitimate president, that he needs a teleprompter, and he went to good schools because of favoritism BECAUSE THOSE ARE ALL THINGS GEORGE W. BUSH HAD GOING ON.

    - Katherine Harris stole the 2000 election for Bush, Ken Blackwell stole the 2004 election for Bush, ergo he wasn't a legitimate president.

    - Bush never knew how a sentence would end when he began one. He needed "Incumbent's Little Helper" (remember the bulge on his back?) in order to properly debate Kerry in 2004, not exactly a star debater himself. Ergo, he really needed a damn teleprompter.

    - Bush got into Yale because of his daddy, and with a C average somehow got into Harvard Business School. Favoritism!

    So, sorry wingnuts, no one is forgetting that your guy is the king of all this crap.

  39. T3rbo

    It is going to be so great after Obama wins. EVERY right wing dipshit with a keyboard is going to kick into overdrive (IMPEACH!!!) and FREAK THE FUCK OUT. I bet the Alex Jones tinfoil hat illiterati won't even be able to process the election for several days. Just think of the absurd conspiracies that are being half baked as we speak. Four more years (of insane right wing freakouts)

  40. TxSpinyLizrd

    This is the same guy that has the "Whitey" tape and is going to release it any day now, right?

  41. mosaickmind

    …and because Harvard loves mediocrity, they chose him to be editor of the Harvard law review, graduated him as magna cum laude. Then elected him President of the Harvard Law review due to his below average abilities. Then Times Books saw his failures and knew any book he wrote would be a New York Times bestseller, and published him. Impressed by his consistent lack of ambition, Univ. of Chicago law school hired him to teach Constitutional law. And he was so lazy, he only managed to get elected senator of Illinois. Oh yeah, then he somehow stumbled into being President of the United States.

    1. zumpie

      Sadly, there are wingnuts who claim the ONLY reason Bamz is now prez is because he couldn't get elected as a congressman. Ummmmmmmm yeah….

  42. bobbert

    /Don't throw things at me

    I have speculated that the reason President Obama has never done a strategic release of his college transcripts (as he eventually did with the BC) is that his undergrad GPA might be unexceptional. We sort of know that he wasn't a super-dedicated student in high school, and it isn't uncommon for college students — even when they do get serious — to have a year or two of catch up. So I find it pretty easy to think that the President wasn't a straight-A student as an undergrad. And, it is easily predictable that any GPA under about a 3.8 would set the usual motherfuckers babbling about affirmative action admittance to HLS and all the bullshit they NEVER have deployed to question the intellectual capacity of ANY fucking Republican. I mean, fucking A, McCain graduated almost at the bottom of his class at the Naval Academy, and that apparently was never cause for concern.

    Aside from that, though, I am fairly certain that this "2.6" item is a lie, because:

    1. The timing — they just now happened to get this anonymous source to comment about this information that a completely unidentified third party told him EIGHT YEARS AGO.

    2. The number. It is sort of perfectly constructed. No one with a partially functioning brain (even most RWNJs) would seriously believe that Bamz racked up, say, a sub-C, or even a mid-C average. A 2.6 is in that twilight zone between a C+ and a B-, barely on the B- side.

    3. Republicans are saying it.

    /Okay, resume throwing things

  43. CindynEncinitas

    I couldn't believe MacBamma's Macro-Economics professor only gave him a C on his analysis of geopolitical references in "Brighty of the Grand Canyon" and the B- he got on the social stigma of mental illness in "Lisa Bright and Dark." Clearly, these treatises were revelatory and should have been ensconced in the Smithsonian by now.

  44. zumpie

    Ummm haz confused:

    He had "a lot of incompletes"? So how did he gradudate then and how were these weighted? Normally an incomplete means you eventually have to make up the work somewhere or doesn;t it eventually become a technical "F"? Also, if he had all these failing grade, how was he awarded a diploma?

    A friend of mine had several incompletes when she "graduated" from Syracuse (4 years later than Obama would've). She ultimately had to retake the courses elsewhere to keep her diploma valid when she wanted to attend grad school.

  45. JackObin

    Where was their concern when Little Georgie Bush, a demonstrable illiterate, was fucking up the English language for eight years?

  46. malsperanza

    Wait til they find out that the most popular teacher at Columbia at the time was an American studies professor named Sacvan Berkovitch (who is indeed a brilliant guy). Named after Sacco and Vanzetti. God only knows what nightmarish brainwashing he carried out on poor hapless Barry.

  47. slowhansolo

    Well, let's see. Was so bad at math that I placed in remedial algebra with 500 other dimwits. Then I discovered the joys of playing public music in a much bigger city. Then the roommate returned from MSG with two sheets, and it was enlightened rough sailing for a while. Meanwhile I covered city council during the great 1992 Pittsburgh media blackout for a free student daily suddenly flush with cash. Then I took a semester and summer off and worked three jobs, one of which in a grocery, where I learned advanced juggling and got recruited by the Renn Faire. (I said, no.) Then I went back to Pittsburgh, on my own dime, and did well enough to end up with a 2.8 (rounded).

    The number, see? All that matters.

  48. Native_of_SL_UT

    Yeah, well I heard that Romney's favorite part of being a Mormon bishop was asking the young men in his ward if they masturbated.

  49. lulzmonger

    The venerable A Guy be trippin' balls a tad much: BHO was a magum cum laude Con-Law grad which in human-talk means that he had an 80-90% average … never mind that it's only in an alternate dimension that Harvard would ever be fine with risking its hallowed scholastic cred for a blah.

    Nmmmmm-hmmmmm. Still 3.9 pages left?
    UH OH.

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