some of their best friends own black people

Exciting New Ohio Ad: Republicans Are The Ones Who Love You, Black Dummies!


This ad, playing in Ohio, rests its case! Barack Obama will not bring you wealth and prosperity (except for how he will totally mandate reparations, but shhhh), and Lincoln freed the slaves. That one guy, the one talking before the stock photo couple, he is totally convincing with his Mormonish “revelations.” (Sorry we are reading Krakauer’s Under the Banner of Heaven right now, about the polygamous Mormon fundies, and it is alllll about revelations … to KILL!)

And the stock photo couple, they look so sweet! (What are they doing there? You know, just chillin’ and bein’ black.) And Abraham Lincoln did free the slaves! (It is sad that they can’t find an example later than 1965, but what are you gonna do?) So good job with your ad buy, um, “Empower Citizens Network.” Totally good ROI. You know where else you could get just as good a return? A little place we like to call “Wonkette.com.” Check us before you wreck us! (Because clearly you have too much fucking money.)

[TPM]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Blueb4sinrise

    1865

    • OzoneTom

      Well Teddy Roosevelt was a pretty good egg for a Republican also. But probably the last one.

      • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

        Which is why he quit the GOP and started his own party, with blackjack, and hookers, and bull moose.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        He was the last one. And then he left.

        • bikerlaureate

          No love for Ike ?

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            Love for Ike. Yes. Interstates, deseg of schools, giving us the phrase "military industrial complex". Also Nixon created the EPA. So everything i said was wrong. Obvs I'm not a republican

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Jacob Javits? Lowell Weicker?

      • Biff

        Ann rMoney does not like you slandering her good(?) name…

      • MosesInvests

        Fiorello LaGuardia libel!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          The Little Flower!

    • FakaktaSouth

      Nah, you know, 1965 – LBJ, R-Civil Rights Act? We have lost the south for a generation? (or forever?) That was SO Republican. Come ooooon.

      Seriously, fuck these people.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yep. Took a whole lot of congressional (R) to pass that bundle. But they haven't done anything nice for us since then.

        • FakaktaSouth

          Yes, you're right, they actually did vote overwhelmingly for such in the Congress, true. AND then hated themselves and vowed to NEVER do such a stupid thing again and instead make up for it by getting all them rights back.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            No, it's just that 99% of the old school "Rockefeller" Republicans are dead nowadays. I'm pretty sure that's the problem. I mean, apart from some tiny pockets of such left in New England, are there any left at all?

          • FakaktaSouth

            Not in my neighborhood.

          • Callyson

            There was one in California once–Tom Campbell–who would definitely have had a chance against Barbara Boxer. Fortunately, the wingnuts run the CA GOP and would not nominate him.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            Well we have Dan Evans still on this side of the crypt here in Warshington. At the age of 87, the former Repub Gov & President of Goeduck Tech is one of the 1%ers.

            ed: Looking at the Wiki, Evans established the first state Dept. of Ecology that Nixon used as a model for the EPA and also supported a state income tax. This from a Republican engineer who felt he was a conservative. Sweet Jebus, compared to today's GOPeers Evans looks like a Trotskyite.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors
          • AlterNewt

            Did you write that? It's good.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Nah. The writer for the show “leverage” did.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            My (R) precinct-committeman dad always voted for Evans, but when he was followed by Dixie Lee Ray (D for dyke) he liked to say "That Democrat lady governor is the best Republican governor we've ever had in Warshington."

            Yes, he always said "Warshington."

            And you're right, Dan Evans was (and is) a peach. Problem is he quit the senate after one term because he thought it was getting too nasty. This was what, in 1982 or so?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Southern Strategy, Great Dixiecrat Migration, Race-Based Party Realignment. (I know you know about all that, it's just stuff to look up for anybody who might be clueless.)

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      can’t find an example later than 1965

      What's a hundred years give or take? Mittens' Minions want to take women back to the 10th century. The Children of Zion have embraced the blahs for a long, long time. Way back to 1978 when the IRS said they'd lose their religiosity tax exempt status.

    • PsycWench

      Seriously, my ultraliberal 14-year-old daughter was completely shocked to learn that Lincoln had been a Republican.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        This would be a good time to explain the large groups, like political parties morph and change over time. And a good time to explain that people, too, change their minds as they gather life experiences.

        And then segue from that into why she should think really hard before she decides to get that neck tat and start gauging her earlobes.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Be sure to take her to see Spielberg's "Abraham Lincoln, Slavery Hunter."

        • miss_grundy

          Gee, buddy, you mean he really wasn't a vampire hunter????!!!!!! ☺

        • Negropolis

          There weren't any vampires. I was told there would be vampires.

          • Advn2rgirl

            The book was really fun, though.

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        I'm so sick of them bringing that up.
        As if he would be let near leadership in today's repub party.
        He would SO be a Democrat now.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Rhythm Nation 1814

      • bikerlaureate

        No struggle,
        No progress.

  • JackObin

    Just don't tell the legion of fat, stupid white people. I understand they are a tad racist.

    • AlterNewt

      That is so racist.

      • ProgressiveInga

        Fatcist?

        • Nostrildamus

          Fat cyst.

        • Grokenstein

          Factist.

        • Mittens Howell, III

          fapist.

    • Dudleydidwrong
    • Negropolis

      Skinnny, smart white people can be racists, too, my friend. In fact, anybody can be racist! Today, we are all racists!

    • NYNYNYjr

      I don't know many black people, but according to TV ads, they are Mormons and Republicans who eat at Mcdonalds dress very preppy and occasionally program computers. They sounds like dicks.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Empower White Citizens Network? Yeah, that's what I thought.

    • kyeshinka

      Too bad "Upright Citizens Brigade" was taken.

      • Gleem McShineys

        "Whitest Kids U Know"?

        • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          Kidz in the Hood. wait, no. Kids in the Hall of the Whites-Only Country Club.

      • MosesInvests

        Howzabout "Uptight Citizens Brigade"?

    • Grokenstein

      Because if any minority needs more power, it's white people.
      White men, in particular.
      Heterosexual white men.
      Wealthy white men who are heterosexual in public.
      There, I think that narrows it–
      Wealthy white conservative Christian males.
      THERE. Pegged it!

  • Boredw/Gravitas

    Republican is the new blah.

    • Geminisunmars

      In the old sense of blah.

      • mille derps

        Or just blech…

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Or Bletch. Like the Walrus.

          • mille derps

            Or Fletch. Like Fletcher Christian.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You MADE me do this!

          • mille derps

            I sure hope nobody decides to play that trailer for one of those Middle Eastern Glenn Becks…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            BWAHAHAHA! Very early Peter Jackson. He's a sick little puppy.

    • CthuNHu

      Does that mean we can keep them out of our schools now?

      'Cause it's not like they want real education anyway.

      Ooh, and can we make them take literacy tests before they get to vote, too? This could be sweet.

  • hagajim

    Black Americans, vote for Republicans – in the late 1800s….YAY!

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Some of the best blacks are my friends.
      I'm Ann Romney and I deny this message.

  • Nostrildamus

    OK, that ad convinced me. But then, I'm white.

    • BadKitty904

      But what about the 40 acres and a mule?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Where's the token Black person on the ECN website? They're not even trying, are they?

    • Boredw/Gravitas

      That is the whitest website I've seen in quite a while.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    That is the best photo/graphic evar!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      print ad couple's agent to complain about image being used without express permission in 3, 2, 1…

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I don't get to see the cute couple. I get html code. Dang it.

        • http://parterre.com La_Cieca

          The HTML code is more lifelike and convincing than the video.

          • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            Win!

      • mille derps

        I suspect that they were computer-generated. Any resemblance to actual humans who may have been paid to pose is sheer coincidence.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I read that book a couple of years back and it put me off all Mormon's fundie or not. The idea that God tells 'em crap to do and they don't get put on Clozapine is beyond me…

    • pdiddycornchips

      Me too although I grew up in Vegas so I already knew how whack Mormons are. I have since read most of Krakauer's other work. I got a serious man crush on that guy.

    • pdiddycornchips

      But 'Becca is still the Jodi Foster to my Hinckley

  • Schmannnity

    Isn't this really the Emperor Citizens' Network?

    • memzilla
      • MosesInvests

        Arbeit macht frei!
        Also, too, if you want a nice counter to the militarism of "Starship Troopers", read "The Forever War" by Joe Haldeman.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Read it also, although my memory would have to be jogged hard to recall much about it. I heard from somebody related to the author that it might become a movie sometime soon, but that was 2 or 3 years ago now.

          Actually, the wiki entry for the book says that Ridley Scott has the rights, but there's no activity newer than 2010 on a film.

          IMDB says its still "in development."

  • memzilla

    Abe Lincoln Freed The Slaves.

    Mitt Romney Wants 'Em Back.

    /fixed

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …I think I saw that in his 5 point plan!

  • nounverb911

    Too late, I already voted.

    • finallyhappy

      me too and my husband and son- if only we had seen this totally convincing ad- we would certainly have agreed to free the slaves too

  • FakaktaSouth

    Who are you going to believe black people? The ECN or your lying entire life?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      hahaha

    • Lot_49

      A quick Google search reveals that the Empowered Citizens Network doesn't have a Web page. Powerful!!

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Hah! That was the most pathetic ad, ever…seriously dude, black Americans? You're so stiff Romney is asking who shoved the stick up your ass. Okay….correct the record, Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves….as a (dun, dun dun!) Liberal! The people who opposed him, Southern! Where did social conservatism come from? The South! Which party is made up dominantly of southern white males? The Republicans! Wow…shock…it only took 129 years for the GOP to completely switch over to become the decedents of the Southern idiots who owned slaves. Oh, I know…black people need to stop thinking about slave owning or people who signed the "Southern Manifesto" to oppose all integration or Republicans who say slavery was awesome for black folks…this very stiff, white sounding (black Americans? haha) guy is telling you facts, now.

      • tessiee

        "…it only took 129 years for the GOP to completely switch over to become the decedents of the Southern idiots who owned slaves."

        OK, pardon the grammar nitpick, but I think you mean "descendants".
        "Decedents" are people who are deceased.
        If you said that the GOP is completely switched over to being decedents, you're actually saying that everyone in the GOP has died.

        *matches fingertips*
        Heh, heh, heh.

  • a_pink_poodle

    I've said it before and I'll say it again, if the current parties continue to exist as they are today in 80 years, the Republicans will be the ones saying that they supported gay marriage and that the Democrats were the real homophobes.

    • widestanceromance

      I give them not more than 2 more election cycles before they seek out gheys in total denial of their very recent history.

      And when they knock on my door, they will be advised to eat the knob.

      • vulpes82

        I think they'd like that too much.

        • widestanceromance

          In this case, I meant the actual door knob (while I close the door on their newly-filled face). NO way I'd put my little friend in jeopardy by placing it in a dangerous place such as their throat.

          • vulpes82

            They'd still like it too much. You know how kinky those Republicans are. Freak-nasty!

          • Callyson

            Then they'll have to get some Obamacare and talk about how it was their idea all along.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            If you can believe it, it was.

            Check and see what the Heritage Foundation, of all people, were proposing when that scary Hillary Clinton was secretly plotting to turn our health care system into the US version of Britain's National Health, or Canada's Socialized Med, or even better.

            It's not word-for-word, but it looks a lot like "Obamacare."

    • Doktor Zoom

      And let's not forget that tomorrow's GOP will also be calling for tax reductions for America's hardworking Marijuana Farmers.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        There's going to be a GOP tomorrow? Fuck it, another fantasy shot to hell.

    • Negropolis

      You are being generous. They'll switch in either 2016 of the election after that. And, they'll be going after hispanics.

      • a_pink_poodle

        Maybe they'll get it a little faster because information flies around faster than they did immediately after civil rights.

  • Disassembly

    Let's face facts. If Abraham Lincoln were alive now he'd be a Democrat. And a zombie.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      that hunts vampires on the side every now and then for extra cash.

    • FakaktaSouth

      And openly gay and much happier.

    • kittensdontlie

      I'd vote for a Zombicrat.

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      Nah, he'd be the Green Party candidate. Too liberal for the current DNC.

      • Negropolis

        Lincoln was center left in his party at the time in the very best case scenario. He'd not be a Green; not even close. Lincoln was far from liberal; Lincoln was pragmatic, and it shows by how much criticism his left wing heaped on him. The most liberal thing he ever did – and the most consequential – was siding with the Radical Republicans to settle the questionns in the South once and for all.

        • chascates

          Shelby Foote said that almost everything Lincoln did or said was for political effect.

          • Negropolis

            You know, I give Lincoln infinite credit for eventually finding the bravery to deal with what he had to deal with, because god knows the men before him for decades did everything within their power to not only avoid the war but to avoid even national debate on the issues. But this idea of Lincoln the Liberal – and even more so building that false character as a ways of bashing the current president and his party (yes Doloras, I know exactly what you're doing) – is disingenuous at best.

            Lincoln was, like the men before him, a man with no place left to go. But, unlike the men before him, he realized this, internalized it, and then went about becoming a key figure in the continuing and ongoing redemption of a nation.

          • CthuNHu

            And it's a good thing, too.

            A less political, less pragmatic, more purely idealistic single-minded abolitionist as President might very well have meant that escaped slaves would be fleeing across the northern border of the Confederacy to this day.

          • Negropolis

            I don't know. Had Lincoln come from the Radical Republicans, perhaps the war would have been shorter and perhaps we would have stuck out Reconstruction instead of leaving and letting the South regress as far as it did, culturally. The North was going to win regardless. I guess very tangentially, this is like the argument that if FDR hadn't have died in office, the war might have been longer.

            I guess an argument could be made that if Lincoln would have been more radical, the South would resent us even more today, but it's hard for me to even imagine that such a thing would be possible.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      And blowing dust farts.

  • http://kittenbomb.wordpress.com kittenbomb

    Here is the ad I would pay to see:

    "Yo, what up black people? R-Mittz here. Lincoln freed the slaves, yo? True dat, look it up! On the free computers at the library, natch. So Lincoln = vote for me! R-Mittz OUT." [drops the mic]

    • littlebigdaddy

      Well, if R-Mittz went on an episode of "Cribs' and showed off his car elevator….

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      … and trips over the giant clock hanging around his neck then is admonished by his handlers after his botched pronunciation of "bomb diggity" as "bomb doggety".

      • CthuNHu

        The polygamous grandfather clock?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …you left the part out where he says "who let the dogs out"!

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        They're not out, they're still up on the roof of the car.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Who hosed the dogs off?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Bulworth was a stupid movie.

      • CthuNHu

        Disagree.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      God…could you imagine him even trying to say that? It would start off as comedy and then quickly turn over to sad and pathetic like when Mormons try to listen to soul music. Republicans think all black people talk like the cast of "Diff'rent Strokes" (since ya know…rich white daddy) so Mitt would ask some 'young, hep cat' "what are you talking about, Willis?" with an uncomfortable, unctuous smile to finish off the visual.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Bzzzz What is this whrrrr of which zrrrrr you speak bzzzzzzz Will bzzzzz izzz bzzzz zrrrrr

        • tessiee

          …shizzle.

      • HogeyeGrex

        So… like this.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      "On the free computers at the library, natch."

      Who aren't Obama's free cellphones internet capable ?!

  • Lucidamente1

    It's nice to see Stephen Colbert spending some of his SuperPAC money on ads.

  • littlebigdaddy

    And you know Sammy Davis Jr. would've been a Romney man.

    • Beowoof

      MLK was a republican, but something tells me he would have switched parties with the current crowd running things.

      • gullywompr

        No, that was his father, MLK Sr. I've looked for evidence of MLK Jr.'s party registration, but didn't find it. Best I can figure he identified himself as a social democrat.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Because Israel, duh.

  • Blunderthing

    "You gotta jump down (huh!) turn around (huh!) pick a bale o' negroes (huh!), Jump down (huh!) turn around (huh!) pat 'em on tha head. Jump down (huh!) turn around (huh!) smile and tell 'em white lies (huh!) Jump down (huh!) turn around (huh!) smack 'em til they're dead. (huh?)

  • Beowoof

    This is not good news over at Storm Front.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      But what is, really? You know they hate Mormons almost as much as n*****s over there.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      But what is, really?

      You know they hate Mormons almost as much as n*****s over there.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        I post everything twice!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I only do it when my browser plays trick on me :(

          But then it's fun to go back and see which identical comment gets the most thumbs-up. So, bonus!

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I thumbed 'em both up, just to be safe.

      • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

        Do they? In my country, the leader of the local nazi militia white-homeland crowd is a Mormon.

      • Negropolis

        Nah, color always beats religion with groups based on racial divisions.

        • LesBontemps

          Tell that to the Jews.

          • Negropolis

            I was talking about the groups here in the United States like the KKK. For as much as they hate Catholics and Jews, there isn't anything like the easy and lazy tell of dark skin to focus their hate.

          • Goonemeritus

            Thanks for taking some of the heat off us less endowed mud people.

    • CthuNHu

      Yeah, well, storm fronts haven't been all that good to Romney lately, either.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    This is at least better than ECN's other ad idea, which featured an old white guy in a seersucker suit sitting on his veranda with a lemonade in his hand and saying "When are you nigras gonna get it through your thick skulls that us white folks are the ones who really have yoah best interests at heart?"

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …boss hog?!

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Couldn't be. Boss Hogg lived in a colorblind society — i.e. one without any black people at all, if my recollection of the Dukes of Hazzard is at all accurate.

        • AngryBlakGuy

          …Archie Bunker?!

          • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

            Somewhere along the line between Simon Legree and Strom Thurmond is more like it.

    • tessiee

      Couldn't get Col. Sanders to go for that, huh?

  • PsycWench

    Meanwhile, black people are thinking "If the Republican party of the new millennium is so in love with me, why are they trying to keep me from voting?"

    • Fare la Volpe

      "We disenfranchise you because we love you."

    • Negropolis

      "We didn't mean to disenfranchize you, but sometimes you just make us so mad. Look what you made us do! But, we promise, next time will be different. We'll never do it again, we promise."

      • CthuNHu

        "If you really loved me, you wouldn't even be voting. So don't go playing the innocent one here."

        • Negropolis

          Nice.

  • RomneysLogCabin

    As a Jew, I would rather vote for Hitler.

    • CthuNHu

      At least he had an ethos.

    • tessiee

      You know who ELSE would rather vote for…?
      Oh, wait; that won't work.

  • elviouslyqueer

    This is good news for Stacey Dash. Obvs.

  • Lot_49

    Last OT of the day: "Fresh Air" linguist Geoff Nunberg gives our Wonkette a shoutout today in his screed against pretentious Anglicisms now infiltrating our beloved Inglés mostly because Mittens is so infatuated with them:

    "Snarky," for example. It was pretty much unknown in America before the early 2000s, when it was was attached to the tone of snide knowingness that has become the stock patois of sites like Gawker, Wonkette and Deadspin.

    Snide knowingness indeed! Pretty much nailed it….oops, meant to say "Spot on, old chap!"

    • elviouslyqueer

      Excuse me, Stewardess. I speak "stock patois."

    • UW8316154

      snide?? I thought it was called "gallows humor""

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Since when are buttsechs jokes considered "snide knowingness"?

      • Geminisunmars

        Since knowing "which snide your bed is buttered on" joined the idiom.

        • mille derps

          Sweet!

    • emmelemm

      Could I have some crackers with my patois?

      • Doktor Zoom

        I'm against patois. Have you seen how they torture those poor geese?

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Try Cracker Barrel

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Yes, I heard that. I sent as a Tip so Wonkette would know as well.

      • Lot_49

        Don't worry…no one ever looks at the tip mailbox

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Yeah, well I got Firsties since I typed an "OT" comment less than thirty seconds after it was broadcast. All hail my Firsties!

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Hail!

    • AlterNewt

      I never use 'patois'. Too pretentious.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        I couldn't smoke in a lot of places if it weren't for patois.

      • Tommmcatt_Again

        I use "cant", for that even in these, my twilight years, I am a D&D nerd at heart.

      • tessiee

        "Pretentious? Moi?" — Margaret Atwood, The Robber Bride

        • AlterNewt

          Indeed.Spot on. Snoggle.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      No, sorry… We used to stock patois but we don't get much call for it any more. You might be able to get it in a 55-gallon drum at PolitiCostCo.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Toodly-pip buttsecks, what what!

      • Gleem McShineys

        Thatsa spicy-a butt-a-secks! *kisses fingers*

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Well, we are cunning linguists.

    • bobbert

      Another example: "Assfucking".

    • anniegetyerfun

      My mother used to use the term "snarky" all the time with me. As in, "you had better stop being so goddamn snarky, Annie, or there won't BE a tomorrow for you." Pretty sure that it meant then what it does now, and this was back in the early 80s.

      • emmelemm

        Hey, has your little one popped into the world yet?

        • anniegetyerfun

          Yes, arrived last week via C-section. Little bugger wouldn't come out on her own, so after 21 hours of labor, we just ended up cutting her out. She's freaking adorable, although she DOES have a hairy back. I blame her father.

          • emmelemm

            Aww. Glad you're both doing all right.

            There's a reason they call it "baby fuzz".

          • mille derps

            Congrats! I'm so glad to hear you're both doing fine, & hope you won't get too busy to snark at Wonkette…

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Yay! Annie and Annie Jr both doing well, congrats. And my firstborn came out with a full head of hair and general furriness too. Head all smushed around from the tight squeeze coming out and the suction cup required for her removal. Complexion all red and splotchy and gross. We tell her she looked like a very angry eskimo baby that got into a fight with a walrus. Pictures back us up on that.

            Seventeen years later she's 5'8" and gad-danged fashion model, or just looks like one. Feed 'em right, and make them get a lot of exercise when they're young and they can turn out OK. (Of course this means you'll be getting some exercise, too ;)

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

            This is tremendous news. And we could use the upbeat kind these days. Thanks for updating, I'd been wondering!

          • anniegetyerfun

            Thank you. Was in the hospital for about a week without access to my laptop, so just catching up on the snark now.

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            I love how you just slipped back into snarking. Like 'What? I had this kid. What?"

            Congratulations! Has she voted yet?

          • anniegetyerfun

            Well, I'm leaving out all the parts where I stare at her in complete awe and totally don't mind when she vomits down the front of my dress. Because that would make me look like a pussy. So far, the hormones are telling me that this is the best thing ever. I'm sure it will wear off eventually. We did actually just mail in our ballot today, actually. Democracy!

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            Sincerity! How dare you!

            Good on you. A liberal multi-racial babby hot damn!

            It is the best thing ever.

            Good on you. Also on you, vomit. The fun begins!

          • StillGoinGreen

            Write me back about the awe thingy the first time the poop starts stinking! Not all fun and games from there on out! Congrats, parenthood is the coolest thing evar!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I understand new mothers are permitted to blame the father for everything for at least five years. Congratulations on having emerged unscathed with offspring.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            I was just wondering about you yesterday. Congrats and here's to the next generation of smartasses.

          • bobbert

            That is wonderful news. Congratulations and very best wishes. Does she have a Wonkette handle yet?

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Awww, congratulations agyf. We want pics!

          • Doktor Zoom

            Congrats to you and the sprog!

          • Biff

            Yay!

        • Lot_49

          Hey! This is all off-topic!

          (And great news)

    • FeloniousMonk

      Let's hope the British meaning of "wonky" doesn't catch on.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        ?? There's a meaning I wot not of? I always used it to mean a bit squiffy, or tiddly, or something.

        • FeloniousMonk

          Well, liable to fall down at any moment, though not necessarily because of drink taken. But I thought that in the USA, and in this nice cozy corner of the Web, it meant "intensely interested in the minutiae of policy (and buttsex)". Perhaps I need to take a course in ESL?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Right. I wot of both of those.

            No worries, then. Besides, wouldn't it be ASL?

          • FeloniousMonk

            Not in Louisiana, cher.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Pas de probleme, cher.

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            hiya! [kisses]

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Hey-o, chook! (Hugs, kisses, and other friendly stuff)

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            thank you. back at you.

    • Negropolis

      Mr. Nunberg, I knew Stock Patois. Stock Patois was a friend of mine. My very dearest Wonkette, you are no Stock Patois, inshallah.

    • Nostrildamus

      Butt Torpedo!

      (note the snark, fellows)

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    And Abe Lincoln, Republican, freed the slaves — because he was such a strong advocate of states' rights, like the current Republican party. As it is now, thus it must always have been.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …can I haz Michael Steele?!

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      What up, dog?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I think the period of time that he was in charge of the RNC will go down in history as one of the most bold face pandering moves ever thrown at the African American community. Funny how affirmative action is bad if a Democrat propose it, but when the Republicans put into place a chairman whose sole qualification is his elevated level of melanin it is fine.

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

          Who can name a Judicial Branch analogy?

          Anyone? Anyone?

          • Geminisunmars

            Um. I can't think of anyone per se. Does it have anything to do with hairy coke cans?

          • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            What up, doj? Actually, they're Executive. Nevermind.

        • Geminisunmars

          To be fair, he did make a good muppet.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            They say he had a decent singing voice. And could eve do some tap.

          • emmelemm

            And by tap, you mean "shuck and jive", right?

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            I have the strange feeling you're following me.

          • emmelemm

            Well, it seemed like the right thing to do.

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            Squee!

          • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            Jesus, you guys are making him sound like Sammy Davis.

          • Geminisunmars

            Oh, is he Jewish?

          • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            "Michael Steele"? c'mon, now!

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          See, I think they were pandering to white ninnies who don't what time it is, not black folks. You know, "Independents" and "Undecideds".

          • bobbert

            Oh, you mean "Liars".

          • Negropolis

            Yes, being "Undecided/Independent" is for the discerning racist. You know, the ones that abhor the word "nigger" being used in polite company, but on't have any qualms whatsoever denying certain groups certain rights and opportunities.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            "But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
            Lena Horne and Sheriff Clarke are dancing cheek to cheek.
            It's fun to eulogize
            The people you despise,
            As long as you don't let 'em in your school."

            Tom Lehrer, That Was The Year That Was

        • MosesInvests

          There's a world of difference between affirmative action and tokenism.

  • SoBeach

    Every time this argument gets trotted out it only reinforces the notion that republicans think black folks are stupid and gullible. I'm not sure how that's supposed to get them more votes, unless it's more votes from racist white people.

    • gullywompr

      Quite.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    in honor of NJ i am just cold listenin to the ramones from now until next tuesday.

    • Indiepalin

      "Bonzo Goes to Bitburg"

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I think I bought 3 boxes of Ramones from the sweet girl scout last cookie season.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        I'd skip the DeeDees. God only knows what they put in those.

        • LesBontemps

          Chinese rocks.

    • SoBeach

      True story of the most surreal moment of my life: I'm aimlessly pushing a shopping cart through my local Publix, dodging soccer moms and grannies while loading up on spaghetti sauce and dog food, when I realize that the store Muzak system is playing I Wanna Be Sedated. I look around to see if anyone else notices, but they're all doing the grocery store sleepwalk shuffle. I had a grin on my face for days.

      • Doktor Zoom

        That was one of Kid Zoom's favorite bathtime songs when he was two, though that may have involved a little wishful thinking on his dad's part, too.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      That's one way to go. Jukesgrrl and I (separately, alas) will take a slightly more Asburian approach.

      • emmelemm

        Wait… Are you and Jukesgrrl a Wonkette couple?

        (Actual answer not required if you'd prefer not to give it.)

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

          Sadly, no. We share only an abiding interest in John Lyon and his troupe of kick-ass R&Bers.

          • emmelemm

            Ah, jus' checkin. Friends over R&B is nothing to sneeze at.

        • finallyhappy

          I think we need to know all the Wonkette couples so I can start saving pennies(cans/plastic bottles) for wedding gifts

          • emmelemm

            I refuse to get married until all my gay friends can get married too!

            {cue gay marriage becoming legal in WA on Nov. 7th}

            Wait, what??!!?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            HAHAHAHA! It would serve you right, too, Missy. You never even SHARED the good news.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        i just like the head banging list of titles that work for this stupid election (rockaway beach was what i was thinking of today – and wishing rockaway beach an easing of pain..).

        tonight i'm working on 'i'm against it', 'needles and pins' and 'i wanna be well'.

    • coolhandnuke

      Add The Feelies.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      And Jersey Shore reruns.

    • LesBontemps

      Also Hoboken's own Yo La Tengo.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Somewhere Uncle Ruckus is ranting.

  • Botlrokit

    I guess making this ad is cheaper than to lobby for the repeal of black voting.

    • NellCote71

      That's next when this doesn't work.

  • SorosBot

    The Republican Party wants to do everything it can to encourage black Americans to come out and vote next Wednesday.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …they probably have a voter suppression plan for the day after the election too!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Or Thursday! They're not too picky.

  • cousinitt

    Lamont Sanford: [Lamont complains that Fred isn't a good businessman] A six-year-old does better business than you!
    Fred Sanford: Well, pretty soon you won't have to deal with me any more, I'll be joinin' your mother, and you can get a six-year-old to replace me, and it won't be Sanford and Son anymore, it'll be Big Dummy and Little Dummy Inc!

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Now I can't get the theme song outta my head.

  • mrpuma2u

    The "Under the banner of Heaven" book editrix is reading is a good read. Scary as hell. Mentions Mitt's great grandaddy who fled to Mexico to keep the polygamy flag a flyin'.

    • PsycWench

      The most awful thing about the book is that it's true.

  • mormos

    If you are going to read a book about Mormons, I recommend "One Nation Under Gods"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      If you are going to read a book about Mormons, I recommend that you don't. In less than a week it won't matter anymore.

      • finallyhappy

        I'll just steal their book next time I am at a Marriott.

        • bobbert

          Warning. It's not what anybody would call a "good read".

  • Schmannnity

    Yeah, that thing we did for you 150 years ago? You're welcome. Now shut up and vote Republican. This is hard!

    • NellCote71

      You people.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wow. The ECN's ad that was BANNED by the Akron newspaper is like a Children's Treasury of Batshit Insanity and Horrible Graphic Design.

  • mavenmaven

    The election season better be soon because the republicans have jumped the shark.

    • Geminisunmars

      I think that happened during the primary debates.

  • CommieDad

    If the republicans were for civil rights, conservative approaches to government (don't fuck with it where it works), and pro-family (support gay families, support middle class tax cuts, etc.), then I would vote for them.

    None of this is true now. Some of it was true in the past.

    Vote for the party that has proven to support Black people. Not with BS color blind ideas, but with an acknowledgement that we white people FUCKING CHAINED YOU UP FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS AND STILL TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT. Don't trust anyone who says that the anti-affirmative action racist republicans are better for black people. We as a country are not over racism, and shouldn't pretend like we are.

    I am not a racist. I am also not perfect. I am smart enough to know that.

    • Redgyal

      Next time tell us what really think. Okay?

      • CommieDad

        No problem. I think that white people are afraid to talk about racism. I think saying, "I'm color blind" is a cop-out and a lie. The fact is that Black people have a special place in this country, as the only "minority" that for the most part were brought here against their will. I am tired of being afraid to talk about it. I think that it is critical that we acknowledge that to get to a point were we are "over that" we have a heck of a lot more work to do. Sometimes you need to shout to be heard, and sometimes you need to tell it like it fucking is.

        • Redgyal

          All very true but remember some people don't really want to get over it. They like the tension because it feeds into their agenda. It is like trying to get a man who beats his wife to admit he is wrong and stop doing what he is doing. He needs the psychological fear in order to keep,control of his wife so he has no motivation to let her off the hook so to speak by admitting that the beating was wrong or undeserved. And if you see the parallel between that situation and the issue with racism then you understand truly why we have not moved on as a nation.

  • UW8316154

    That demographic profile of the Wonkette advertising audience inspires me to work on my wonkett personal ad. Good lord we are a good-looking crew!

    • emmelemm

      You are a Washington person, yes? Coming to drinky meet-ups helps as well! (Drinking actually optional.)

      • Lot_49

        He gives his grid coordinates right there in his screen name, except one digit is missing. UTM FTW!

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    From the book of Mormon in which the following is said (2 Nephi 5:21-23);
    “And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.“

    Hey, James Meredith did endorse David Duke, so we know miracles can happen.

    • finallyhappy

      I really like the songs and dancing in the Book of Mormon.

  • Gleem McShineys

    That still photograph of Abe Lincoln blinked more times than Animatronic Convincing Negro

  • OneYieldRegular

    I'm having a hard time hearing this ad. Hold on a second while I turn down the sound of Mitt Romney hiring John Sununu as his campaign advisor.

    • Lot_49

      You're not persuaded by S'nu's telegenic good looks, native charm, even-handed approach to the issues, and willingness to listen to both sides of an issue?

  • ph7

    In Toledo you'll get food to eat
    Won't have to run through the jungle
    And scuff up your feet
    You'll just sing about Jesus and drink wine all day
    It's great to be a Republican American

    Sail Away…

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      How did Randy Newman predict both Romney's domestic civil rights policy and his foreign relations:

      Let's drop the Big One
      And see what happens

      on the same ElPee forty years ago!!!11!!one!

      • Doktor Zoom

        There's no danger, however, that he ever wrote any of Barack Obama's poems for him.

  • vulpes82

    The only people this ad would work with are racist whites, who are already voting Republican. Black people will just shake their heads. Maybe, if we're lucky, it'll even make more of them turn out to vote!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Oh, this pre-explains the Ohio voting machine landslide for Romney. (Goddamnit Wonkette, now you've got me doing it! Fuck vote-suppressing liberal gloom!!)

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      Cheer up. They'd have to steal Virginia and Colorado as well.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It might be interesting, after the dust settles, to see if the updated Mitt-Bot 3000v.12 did significantly better among the voting machines, relative to paper ballots.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    So unfair that we have an MLK day, but no Allen West day. Damn Liberal media!

    • Doktor Zoom

      "Rules for Commenting Radicals" precludes me from pointing out what West would need to do to qualify for a holiday.

      • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

        skullf**k a re**rd?

        • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

          But in public this time.

      • bobbert

        THE THE THE!!!

    • coolhandnuke

      Over at the NewsCorp/Fox News building, they do not celebrate or acknowledge Black History Month or MLK Day, but they have created their own special day to celebrate–Alan Keyes West Day.

    • Negropolis

      I can't do an Allen West Day, but I couldn't live without an Adam West Day.

  • Poindexter718

    Seems like the dark (git it? 'dark' !!1!!) money groups in Ohio are having a problem coordinating their messages: "Republicans are responsible for black Americans gaining the right to vote, a right that can also be a felony punishable by 3 years in prison and/or a fine of $10,000."

  • CrunchyKnee

    That's great that Carlton finally got a job after 'The Fresh Prince' went off the air so many years ago.

  • Callyson

    FFS, again with "Republicans passed civil rights legislation." Yeah, not only did they need Northern Democrats to do so, and not only was most of that legislation promoted by Kennedy and LBJ, but they also quickly cashed in on the Southern revolt after the bills passed and made the Solid South solidly Republican. And that's without even getting started on their voter suppression (no, I will not call them voter ID laws and give them a shred of respectability) laws.

    Assholes.

    • SorosBot

      Hey now, the Republican Party did pass the Civil Rights Act all by themselves! The Civil Rights Act of 1868, that is. (The one that was quickly gutted by the right-wing Supreme Court, using a rather unique interpretation of the due process clause to gut the 14th Amendment's primary intent).

  • HarryButtle

    If the GOP wants to nominate another Lincoln, I'll vote GOP. But Mitt aint worthy to lick horseshit off Ol' Abe's boots, so NO SALE, fucktards. Hell, Lincoln was probably too progressive for today's Democratic Party.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Oh yeah, and in the early '20s, Jersey Republican Nucky Thompson made sure the Negroes got cut in on the illegal liquor. He even sat down with Community Leader Chalky White and had civilized conversations, if you can imagine, and let the Coloreds have their sport with a murdering Klansman! HBO has such excellent documentaries.

    • coolhandnuke

      The scene, a few episodes back, with Chalky and associate in Eddie Kantor's hotel suite was beautiful.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        The show's big flaw is that Nucky Thompson is such a passive character. He's got it made, and everybody wants what he has, but nothing really drives him, since he built his empire years ago. All Buscemi has to do is walk around looking irritated. The show is basically aimless, with occasional trumped up conflicts to juice things up, but no overall narrative arc. I also don't like that Buscemi's accent doesn't match his own brother's. It's still very watchable though, with the requisite HBO fucking.

        • coolhandnuke

          Agreed on way too much Buscemi face time. There is ample man and lady parts on display…a full frontal Italian wang too, also.

    • BadKitty904

      For some reason, the HBO "documentary, " "Conspiracy" – based on transcripts from the 1942 Wanssee Conference – has been much on my mind this election season, as the Neo-cons march farther and farther away from normalcy, humanity, and even reality…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFYyLUtIVX8

    • pdiddycornchips

      Five days before the election Mitt and Republicans discovered there are African Americans and Hispanics (he released another ad to run on Spanish language stations today) in America and they sometimes vote?

      "Forget all that race baiting and dog whistling. We've changed!"

      This ad is the equivalent of taking a foot long stack of hundred dollar bills and light them on fire. Not just pointless, it also pisses people off,

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Did Redd Foxx write that headline?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Maybe Rebecca just meant these guys.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Republicans to Ohio voters: "You got to wash yo ass!"

  • ph7

    Warning: Mitt views certain trees to be the "right height", brothers.

    • jello_mold

      (shudder) It was the first thing I thought (shudder).

  • BarackMyWorld

    "I love my black president."
    -Paul Mooney

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      "He's like the dark, but I want him."
      –Kim Deal (like that's so profound, but fuck it. I love her.)

      Here's hoping we all have an inaugural ball.

  • T3rbo

    Wow, what a powerful video. I am totally voting for abe lincoln now.

  • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

    I think U. S. Grant could have posed Hopey a real challenge.

    • Negropolis

      Well, in a drinking competition, sure. Now, Grant is a guy you'd like to have a beer with…or twelve.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Abe will never carry the rural South.

    • mille derps

      Many rural counties in the South have black majorities, you do realize?

      • Negropolis

        True, and yet still, Abe will never carry the rural South until the parties realign.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Totally good ROI. You know where else you could get just as good a return? A little place we like to call “Wonkette.com.”

    Wait, there are black people here at Wonkette? I bet they are the non-threatening kind like Linc on the Mod Squad, not the scary kind like the Muslim Kenyan Socialist President, who probably wears a dashiki under his Armani suits.

    • LagunaB

      Not Armani. Hartmarx. A 121 year old Chicago company that is the largest suit maker in the US.

  • ttommyunger

    I don't blame them for trying; whites don't have the franchise on self-hating fuckwads who are more than happy to vote against their own interests.

    • pdiddycornchips

      The ad created a job for two black people. That should be enough for four years right?

      • ttommyunger

        So long as no benefits were included……I guess…..

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Real man Saint Nate Silver has bet wussietariate Morning Joe Scarborough $1K that Bamz will win. Morning Joe has soiled his Depends™.

    • Geminisunmars

      A real man would bet $10K. Just saying.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Mittbotz bet $10K. If Mittz was a real man he'd $10M. For him betting $10K is like Jill or Joe Sixpack betting a quarter.

        • mille derps

          But if Mittens has to pay a quarter IN TAXES, that's obscene…

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Hey, HEY! Watch who you're malign … wut? Oh. You said MittBot.

          Never mind.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Z, when the election is over, you'll need a new name. Any thoughts?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Weedlord Bonerhitler, darlz. I have me av picked out and everything. (hugs you)

    • CommieDad

      If Obama loses, Nate loses a lot more than $1K. Sadly, people don't seem to understand that when he quotes odds, he is doing just that. He is not saying, "My model conclusively shows that Mitt Romney has a snowballs chance in H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks." He is saying that Mitt has about a 30% chance to fuck us all over. So really, no mater what happens he should be cool. But if Barry loses, he's fucked.

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        Nate's site has been updated, he now has Willard's chance at 20% :)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          It's dropping by about a point a day. :D

        • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

          Guess who's coming to Madison on Monday:

          President Barack Obama and….

          Bruce Springsteen.

          • bobbert

            They doing Bascom Hill again?

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            No, UW said it won't happen on campus. Most likely it will be somewhere off the square.

          • bobbert

            I was just glancing at a map and was reminded of the fact that when I went to school, the KK was still located on State Street next to the library. Argh.

            Hope it's a great rally. Damn, I hope people get out to vote for Tammy. It's bad enough that my native state decided to elect that schmuck Johnson.

      • mille derps

        If Barry loses, we're all fucked.

        Honestly, I worry more about rigged machines than this tide of pro-Mitt enthusiasm that's supposedly sweeping the nation.

  • BadKitty904

    Dang. Pander much?

    I'm as white as it's possible to be without being transparent and *I* find that ad condescending and offensive. Especially the white spokesman in blackface.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Huh, I figured they'd go all in, but the other way, and all the commercials and stump speeches from Mitt and Ryan would be all "Let's stop dancing around the subject here, the president is a ni66er."

  • TootsStansbury

    I am reminded of an old Dave Chappelle bit; the one where the blind guy is a grand wizard…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    If this is the imbecilic way they're going to waste their money, yay Citizens United!!

  • chascates

    Arbeit macht frei.

    Also too.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Gonna need a new wall. This one has large dents from where I keep banging my head against it.

    • CommieDad

      Drywall patching could lead to new skills that may be marketable under the Romney Economy.

  • An_Outhouse
  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    And Taft! He was a Republican from Ohio! You blacks don't have any reason to hate Taft, right? He was buddies with Booker T. Washington, who was an important black man who did something or other! Vote Romney!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    You do have to give the Republicans credit for pissing away a noble legacy. Lincoln freed the slaves, Earl Warren worked his ass off to get "Brown v. Board of Education" through the Supreme Court and to make it unanimous, Dwight Eisenhower didn't like "Brown" but he liked Orval Faubus even less, so he federalized the Arkansas National Guard and sent the 82nd Airborne into Little Rock to enforce desegregation. They had all that and they let Barry Goldwater and Richard Nixon piss it away by sucking up to white racist southerners like Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Nice summary.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Republicans just usurped the name. Like those guys who go around calling themselves Lynyrd Skynyrd. They aren't fooling anyone

  • FeloniousMonk

    That ad needs better background music.

  • not that Dewey

    Empower Citizens Network was established as a conservative alternative Super Pac…to serve as a counterbalance to the mainstream liberal media…

    The "mainstream liberal media" has been so goddammed counterbalanced it's gonna take a lever the length of the universe to stand it up straight again.

  • chascates

    Blacks can't count on Obama, I guess. Drudge's main hede:
    OBAMA LEFT THEM BEHIND: HUNGRY DUMPSTER DIVING IN NYC

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      They really have no memory of Katrina at all, do they?

  • azeyote

    where did they find these oreos anyway? they must have been let go from the gop lynch mob that was chasin them for their food stamps and welfare checks.

    • http://www.marinmaven.com marinmaven

      It is most likely a symptom of the terrible lot of an actor of color in Hollywood. An acting gig is an acting gig.

  • not that Dewey

    The announcer forgot to say "RAHOWA!!!" at the end of the video.

    • Doktor Zoom

      14 Durrs!

      • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

        "We must secure future for white children, you're only gay if you take it."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You're back (fans self)

  • ElPinche

    NEEDS LESS CARLTON BANKS.

  • hijackthemic

    Abe Lincoln would bitch slap Mitt Romney with his gigantic hands.

  • HedonismBot

    Because nothing says "we care about you personally" quite like smiling, anonymous models in commercially-available clip art.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    so today bamz got the endorsement of both bloomberg and 'the economist'.

    this is starting to feel less like '10 and more like '08.

    now i'm off to the economist to fight the good fight.

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      This shows that the REAL 1% have come off the fence and have decided they're going to use the black moderate puppet for another four years and put the Mormon robot character back in storage. I always believed that this was their plan – they didn't want Mittens elected, they just wanted to spook the liberals to keep Obama trending rightwards. So, er, yay?

  • Veritas78

    JUST SOZ YALL NOOO!! A very republican scion acknowledged to me today that:
    next year might be better for donations to non-profits because of fiscal-cliff/higher-rates/more-deductibilities if a certain darkly-persuasioned fellow re-obtained his presnitzy.

    Just sayin'. So save the canned tuna, for now.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Awww, that is SO SWEET of you! So, will you be donating hobo beans to the rest of us, or what?

  • Pat_Pending

    Back in 2008 my Republican mother-in-law (who lives in GA), during a phone conversation asked my husband, "So, you gonna vote for the nigger?" knowing full well that her libtard daughter-in-law was brainwashing her precious son. So, yeah, I can totally see how Republicans are good for ni… ahem, BLACK PEOPLE.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      are you still married?

      • Pat_Pending

        As a matter of fact, yes. He realized (albeit painfully) that hisparents are racist assholes, and that there's no future for humanityin a rat hole.

  • Guppy

    Yes, Lincoln freed the blahs, and they shot him. In fact, the Republicans kept on getting presidents shot out from under them until a Democrat put a blah in Ole Miss.

    Coincidence? I'd say the Republicans have learned their lesson.

  • chascates

    Not all blacks are still on the plantation! Jon McNaughton has a new painting!

    HuffPo (w/picture)Titled "Runaway Slave," the work depicts conservative figure Rev. C.L. Bryant, the man who recently produced a documentary by the same name on the alleged bondage of black Americans under liberal governments. McNaughton worked with Bryant to produce his new painting, telling CBS Houston that he supports the filmmaker's sentiments. “My position is that the Democratic Party has brought the demise of Black America," the artist said.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/01/anti-oba

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      With apologies to Cally, Oh FFS!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      At least he said Democratic Party. Progress?

      • chascates

        Has anyone referred to the 'Republic Party'? I want a counter-meme for the long-range war.

    • ElPinche

      OMFG!! That's redonkulous .

  • NYNYNYjr

    Countdown to those stock photo people doing an angry ad for Obama.

  • toaster_pastry

    "heard a muzak version of green day's holiday"

    Green Day *is* muzak.

    /get off of my lawn

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Ugh. They're the worst. Except for Nickleback of course.

  • CommieDad

    OT: After reviewing Sam Wang's site: http://election.princeton.edu/ and reviewing the spreadsheet he has for download, I am feeling pretty good about this election.

    Now we know from the polls that their are 9 swing states. That's 512 possible combinations. 431 of them involve a win for Barry. If the results are 50/50 for all the swing states, then that means that the odds are 84% in his favor. We know the odds are NOT 50/50. Once we give Bamz Nevada and Wisconson, that leaves only 128 possible combinations. 119 of those are winning. Add Iowa and you get 64 possible with 61 winning.

    Realistically, if Mr. Obama wins Virginia, Ohio, or Florida, he wins. He will almost certainly win one of these three, if not all of them.

    • emmelemm

      That's an awful lot of math and I feel a little faint, but it is reassuring.

    • Steverino247

      Well, my wang has never steered me wrong…

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      And even if he loses those, he can win with Colorado and Wisconsin, right?

      • CommieDad

        Yes. I was bored and just wrote a tiny program taking Nate's numbers for states only, ignoring national polls, etc. I came up with 96% chance of an Obama win.

    • succalina

      No snark: no complacency or jinxing please! Love ya!

      • CommieDad

        All my numbers are based on Democrats keeling over in exhaustion on election day. Also voting at least once.

  • http://www.marinmaven.com marinmaven

    Geez, the Republicans tried to coax the ladies to vote for them based on their stellar record for women's suffrage. I say, if you have to go back almost a century to more than a century back to tout your civil rights accomplishments, you are doing it wrong.

    See http://spectator.org/archives/2012/04/30/republic

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'm fairly certain I am a full 1/256 black but that ad pisses me off 100%

  • miss_grundy

    You have to really suffer from self-hatred to vote for the party that considers you a third-class citizen or, even, chattel. So that explains the Log Cabin Republicans, African-American Repubs, Latino Repubs and female Repubs.

  • Steverino247

    The Republicans freed the slaves in 1863, but abandoned them in 1876. By ending Reconstruction and removing Federal troops from the South, the freed blacks were on their own. It took nearly 90 years to get started on fixing this. Sadly, we're still not there.

  • Negropolis

    I wonder how much he was paid for that? I hope to god it was a whole helluva lot.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Y'awl, Bamz is bringing down the house! Checkidout: http://www.ustream.tv/cbsnews#utm_campaign=t.co&a

    • chascates

      Where is this at? I'm not up on the travels.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Denver, CO. People were going wild. So was he. I haven't heard that much enthusiasm in a while!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i think the veils finally came off (yesterday and today – thanks i guess chris c…)

    i'm looking forward to this weekend.

  • VinnyThePooh

    By this logic, Luke Skywalker got it all backassward and should have joined Daddy Vader after he sliced off Luke's hand.

  • Callyson

    And in a related tweet, the latest from Nate:

    Obama remains at ~80% to win in today's 538 forecast. (80.8% if you like decimal places.)

    • BadKitty904

      Still, I'll stop fretting *after* Rmoney's concession speech…(assuming the self-centered prick has the professionalism and courtesy to make one)…

      • Callyson

        Understood. I'm still edgy myself.

  • snowpointsecret

    Five more days… Seriously, just five more days and all of these ads will be over with.

  • StillGoinGreen

    SONOFABITCH!! I used my fake blah ID to cast my 4th vote for Obama – and now I find out the Lord Mittens loved the blahs all along!! Oh well, I still have my Shamim Patel ID, maybe he'll come out as an Indian American lover by Tuesday!

    • Negropolis

      What was the name on your fake blah ID…?

      God, I hope I don't regret this, but we could make this a thing. lol

      • StillGoinGreen

        Raheem Mahmoud Sharpton, of course!

  • Negropolis

    Rebecca, for future reference, Black Dummies is a pejorative. They prefer the term "earthen-toned Mannequin Americans."

  • NYNYNYjr

    Yeah, republicans passed the civil rights act, with the help of Republican presidents JFK and LBJ. And ask today's House Republicans what they think about the contents of the civil rights act! Oh My!

  • SirHotspur

    I will tell you the smartest thing about that ad…that they disabled comments.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    OT but, Coldplay meets Buena Social Club y Recreativo, y la Revolución Parece Eterna. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onpJ6fLBif8

    • bobbert

      Possibly Coldplay should outsource all their performances?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Cat Lovers Against the Bomb for Black Folks! http://nebraskansforpeace.org/clab

    • BadKitty904

      We cats have long been against the bomb. If you humans were wiped out, who would we sit on?

  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    Convinced me! I'm votin for this Lincoln fellar.

    • BadKitty904

      I dunno. He's got one-a them Muslin beards…

  • Negropolis

    Totally OT, but my favorite political ad of the season was one done by the Michigan Education Association, our largest teacher's union:

    Settle the Score! Stand up for Kids, not CEOs!

    EDIT: We added 171,000 jobs, last month, something like 40,000 over what was expected. Unemployment ticks up a tenth of a percent because more people are getting back into the workforce. Great, great numbers.

    • BadKitty904

      Awwww. *VERY* nicely done!

    • sullivanst

      Also of note, when you add in the August (+50k) and September (+34k) adjustments, that's 255,000 more jobs in the total on this report than on the last one.

      Romney attempted to claim last month that the drop in unemployment rate was due to workers leaving the work force. That's completely bogus, of course – there were 211,000 fewer people not in the labor force September than in August. This month, the number not in the labor force falls a further 369,000. In other news, Romney is still a shameless liar. Expect him to tell more lies about this report, such as claiming the small uptick in U3 means jobs were lost.

      So, cue the ridiculous conspiracy theories, again. Even though the large upward adjustment for September goes to demonstrate that the BLS was not inflating that number last month.

      Between this report and Chris Christie telling everyone how well the administration is responding to Sandy, this election's looking done and dusted.

      • BadKitty904

        I'll stand down on the morning of the 7th. Until then, I don't trust these underhanded Repug douches any farther than I can spit.

        Like I keep saying – if they can't win the election, they'll certainly try to steal it.

        • Negropolis

          I'm not going to let up, but I'd be worried only if all they had to do was steal one state. But, with how it's layed out, this time, Romney would have to steal multiple states (with different systems of voting) to steal the entire thing. We've got to keep our eyes on Ohio, but the president could lose Florida, NC and Virginia and still end up winning.

  • BadKitty904

    Also OT: "The Simpsons"' Mr. Burns has publicly endorsed Mitt Romney. And no, I'm not kidding.

    • sullivanst

      Despite "unimaginably horrible good jobs numbers", which sounds like a quote directly from the Romney campaign to me.

      • BadKitty904
        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Poor Mr. Burns, picked a loser once again. God now sayz Bamz has 80.9% change to win. Looks like next Tuesday will be a massive Apoo on Mittens' parade.

          • sullivanst

            I see Nate got a promotion. God's the next step after boyfriend, right?

            ETA: Thank you, please don't come again, Mittens.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Eeeeew.
    That should bring Obama's support among black folks from 95% to, maybe, 99.9%

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    What's with the angry black dude? Hug your daughters close lovers of freedom!

  • ravi_shankar

    As my mother used to say, all the good republicans are dead.

  • freakishlywrong

    Good jobs report. For the country. Bad jobs report. For Republicans. They'll darken the sky with Benghazi bullshit.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Thinking Blahs, of course, are going to ask "What have you done for us lately?"

  • Biff

    Apropos of nothing, I played the part of Lincoln in my 6th grade play.

    No, not because I was tall, because of the goatee…

  • lulzmonger

    But 1965 was only 47 years ago – that's barely an eyeblink in geological time!