Exciting New Ohio Ad: Republicans Are The Ones Who Love You, Black Dummies!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


This ad, playing in Ohio, rests its case! Barack Obama will not bring you wealth and prosperity (except for how he will totally mandate reparations, but shhhh), and Lincoln freed the slaves. That one guy, the one talking before the stock photo couple, he is totally convincing with his Mormonish “revelations.” (Sorry we are reading Krakauer’s Under the Banner of Heaven right now, about the polygamous Mormon fundies, and it is alllll about revelations … to KILL!)

And the stock photo couple, they look so sweet! (What are they doing there? You know, just chillin’ and bein’ black.) And Abraham Lincoln did free the slaves! (It is sad that they can’t find an example later than 1965, but what are you gonna do?) So good job with your ad buy, um, “Empower Citizens Network.” Totally good ROI. You know where else you could get just as good a return? A little place we like to call “Wonkette.com.” Check us before you wreck us! (Because clearly you have too much fucking money.)

[TPM]

 

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{ 430 comments }

Blueb4sinrise November 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm

1865

OzoneTom November 1, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Well Teddy Roosevelt was a pretty good egg for a Republican also. But probably the last one.

doloras November 1, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Which is why he quit the GOP and started his own party, with blackjack, and hookers, and bull moose.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 1, 2012 at 6:17 pm

He was the last one. And then he left.

bikerlaureate November 1, 2012 at 10:12 pm

No love for Ike ?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 12:19 am

Love for Ike. Yes. Interstates, deseg of schools, giving us the phrase "military industrial complex". Also Nixon created the EPA. So everything i said was wrong. Obvs I'm not a republican

Biff November 1, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Ann rMoney does not like you slandering her good(?) name…

MosesInvests November 1, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Fiorello LaGuardia libel!

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 10:23 pm

The Little Flower!

FakaktaSouth November 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Nah, you know, 1965 – LBJ, R-Civil Rights Act? We have lost the south for a generation? (or forever?) That was SO Republican. Come ooooon.

Seriously, fuck these people.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Yep. Took a whole lot of congressional (R) to pass that bundle. But they haven't done anything nice for us since then.

FakaktaSouth November 1, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Yes, you're right, they actually did vote overwhelmingly for such in the Congress, true. AND then hated themselves and vowed to NEVER do such a stupid thing again and instead make up for it by getting all them rights back.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 5:22 pm

No, it's just that 99% of the old school "Rockefeller" Republicans are dead nowadays. I'm pretty sure that's the problem. I mean, apart from some tiny pockets of such left in New England, are there any left at all?

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Southern Strategy, Great Dixiecrat Migration, Race-Based Party Realignment. (I know you know about all that, it's just stuff to look up for anybody who might be clueless.)

weejee November 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

can’t find an example later than 1965

What's a hundred years give or take? Mittens' Minions want to take women back to the 10th century. The Children of Zion have embraced the blahs for a long, long time. Way back to 1978 when the IRS said they'd lose their religiosity tax exempt status.

PsycWench November 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Seriously, my ultraliberal 14-year-old daughter was completely shocked to learn that Lincoln had been a Republican.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 5:27 pm

This would be a good time to explain the large groups, like political parties morph and change over time. And a good time to explain that people, too, change their minds as they gather life experiences.

And then segue from that into why she should think really hard before she decides to get that neck tat and start gauging her earlobes.

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Be sure to take her to see Spielberg's "Abraham Lincoln, Slavery Hunter."

miss_grundy November 1, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Gee, buddy, you mean he really wasn't a vampire hunter????!!!!!! ☺

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:19 pm

There weren't any vampires. I was told there would be vampires.

Advn2rgirl November 2, 2012 at 10:57 am

The book was really fun, though.

DemmeFatale November 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

I'm so sick of them bringing that up.
As if he would be let near leadership in today's repub party.
He would SO be a Democrat now.

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Rhythm Nation 1814

bikerlaureate November 1, 2012 at 10:13 pm

No struggle,
No progress.

JackObin November 1, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Just don't tell the legion of fat, stupid white people. I understand they are a tad racist.

AlterNewt November 1, 2012 at 5:34 pm

That is so racist.

ProgressiveInga November 1, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Fatcist?

Nostrildamus November 1, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Fat cyst.

Grokenstein November 1, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Factist.

Mittens Howell, III November 1, 2012 at 7:19 pm

fapist.

Dudleydidwrong November 1, 2012 at 9:22 pm
Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Skinnny, smart white people can be racists, too, my friend. In fact, anybody can be racist! Today, we are all racists!

NYNYNYjr November 2, 2012 at 12:09 am

I don't know many black people, but according to TV ads, they are Mormons and Republicans who eat at Mcdonalds dress very preppy and occasionally program computers. They sounds like dicks.

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Empower White Citizens Network? Yeah, that's what I thought.

kyeshinka November 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Too bad "Upright Citizens Brigade" was taken.

Gleem McShineys November 1, 2012 at 7:27 pm

"Whitest Kids U Know"?

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Kidz in the Hood. wait, no. Kids in the Hall of the Whites-Only Country Club.

MosesInvests November 1, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Howzabout "Uptight Citizens Brigade"?

Grokenstein November 1, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Because if any minority needs more power, it's white people.
White men, in particular.
Heterosexual white men.
Wealthy white men who are heterosexual in public.
There, I think that narrows it–
Wealthy white conservative Christian males.
THERE. Pegged it!

Boredw/Gravitas November 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Republican is the new blah.

Geminisunmars November 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm

In the old sense of blah.

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Or just blech…

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Or Bletch. Like the Walrus.

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Or Fletch. Like Fletcher Christian.

CthuNHu November 2, 2012 at 10:03 am

Does that mean we can keep them out of our schools now?

'Cause it's not like they want real education anyway.

Ooh, and can we make them take literacy tests before they get to vote, too? This could be sweet.

hagajim November 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Black Americans, vote for Republicans – in the late 1800s….YAY!

boskolives November 2, 2012 at 8:45 am

Some of the best blacks are my friends.
I'm Ann Romney and I deny this message.

Nostrildamus November 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

OK, that ad convinced me. But then, I'm white.

BadKitty904 November 1, 2012 at 7:00 pm

But what about the 40 acres and a mule?

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Where's the token Black person on the ECN website? They're not even trying, are they?

Boredw/Gravitas November 1, 2012 at 7:09 pm

That is the whitest website I've seen in quite a while.

Jus_Wonderin November 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

That is the best photo/graphic evar!

fuflans November 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

print ad couple's agent to complain about image being used without express permission in 3, 2, 1…

Jus_Wonderin November 1, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I don't get to see the cute couple. I get html code. Dang it.

La_Cieca November 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

The HTML code is more lifelike and convincing than the video.

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Win!

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I suspect that they were computer-generated. Any resemblance to actual humans who may have been paid to pose is sheer coincidence.

Maman November 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I read that book a couple of years back and it put me off all Mormon's fundie or not. The idea that God tells 'em crap to do and they don't get put on Clozapine is beyond me…

pdiddycornchips November 1, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Me too although I grew up in Vegas so I already knew how whack Mormons are. I have since read most of Krakauer's other work. I got a serious man crush on that guy.

pdiddycornchips November 1, 2012 at 11:35 pm

But 'Becca is still the Jodi Foster to my Hinckley

Schmannnity November 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Isn't this really the Emperor Citizens' Network?

memzilla November 1, 2012 at 5:08 pm
MosesInvests November 1, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Arbeit macht frei!
Also, too, if you want a nice counter to the militarism of "Starship Troopers", read "The Forever War" by Joe Haldeman.

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Read it also, although my memory would have to be jogged hard to recall much about it. I heard from somebody related to the author that it might become a movie sometime soon, but that was 2 or 3 years ago now.

Actually, the wiki entry for the book says that Ridley Scott has the rights, but there's no activity newer than 2010 on a film.

IMDB says its still "in development."

memzilla November 1, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Abe Lincoln Freed The Slaves.

Mitt Romney Wants 'Em Back.

/fixed

AngryBlakGuy November 1, 2012 at 5:18 pm

…I think I saw that in his 5 point plan!

nounverb911 November 1, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Too late, I already voted.

finallyhappy November 1, 2012 at 7:19 pm

me too and my husband and son- if only we had seen this totally convincing ad- we would certainly have agreed to free the slaves too

FakaktaSouth November 1, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Who are you going to believe black people? The ECN or your lying entire life?

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm

hahaha

Lot_49 November 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm

A quick Google search reveals that the Empowered Citizens Network doesn't have a Web page. Powerful!!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 2, 2012 at 12:35 am

Hah! That was the most pathetic ad, ever…seriously dude, black Americans? You're so stiff Romney is asking who shoved the stick up your ass. Okay….correct the record, Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves….as a (dun, dun dun!) Liberal! The people who opposed him, Southern! Where did social conservatism come from? The South! Which party is made up dominantly of southern white males? The Republicans! Wow…shock…it only took 129 years for the GOP to completely switch over to become the decedents of the Southern idiots who owned slaves. Oh, I know…black people need to stop thinking about slave owning or people who signed the "Southern Manifesto" to oppose all integration or Republicans who say slavery was awesome for black folks…this very stiff, white sounding (black Americans? haha) guy is telling you facts, now.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 10:40 am

"…it only took 129 years for the GOP to completely switch over to become the decedents of the Southern idiots who owned slaves."

OK, pardon the grammar nitpick, but I think you mean "descendants".
"Decedents" are people who are deceased.
If you said that the GOP is completely switched over to being decedents, you're actually saying that everyone in the GOP has died.

*matches fingertips*
Heh, heh, heh.

a_pink_poodle November 1, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if the current parties continue to exist as they are today in 80 years, the Republicans will be the ones saying that they supported gay marriage and that the Democrats were the real homophobes.

widestanceromance November 1, 2012 at 5:18 pm

I give them not more than 2 more election cycles before they seek out gheys in total denial of their very recent history.

And when they knock on my door, they will be advised to eat the knob.

vulpes82 November 1, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I think they'd like that too much.

widestanceromance November 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

In this case, I meant the actual door knob (while I close the door on their newly-filled face). NO way I'd put my little friend in jeopardy by placing it in a dangerous place such as their throat.

vulpes82 November 1, 2012 at 5:46 pm

They'd still like it too much. You know how kinky those Republicans are. Freak-nasty!

Callyson November 1, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Then they'll have to get some Obamacare and talk about how it was their idea all along.

Doktor Zoom November 1, 2012 at 5:45 pm

And let's not forget that tomorrow's GOP will also be calling for tax reductions for America's hardworking Marijuana Farmers.

boskolives November 1, 2012 at 7:08 pm

There's going to be a GOP tomorrow? Fuck it, another fantasy shot to hell.

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:25 pm

You are being generous. They'll switch in either 2016 of the election after that. And, they'll be going after hispanics.

a_pink_poodle November 2, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Maybe they'll get it a little faster because information flies around faster than they did immediately after civil rights.

Disassembly November 1, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Let's face facts. If Abraham Lincoln were alive now he'd be a Democrat. And a zombie.

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

that hunts vampires on the side every now and then for extra cash.

FakaktaSouth November 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

And openly gay and much happier.

kittensdontlie November 1, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I'd vote for a Zombicrat.

Disassembly November 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm

The problem there is that they're a single-issue party. http://24.media.tumblr.com/9wVzBPz3Flros43dl4bMjm

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I thought they were a single-tissue party?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 12:39 am

What, no 2-ply?

doloras November 1, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Nah, he'd be the Green Party candidate. Too liberal for the current DNC.

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Lincoln was center left in his party at the time in the very best case scenario. He'd not be a Green; not even close. Lincoln was far from liberal; Lincoln was pragmatic, and it shows by how much criticism his left wing heaped on him. The most liberal thing he ever did – and the most consequential – was siding with the Radical Republicans to settle the questionns in the South once and for all.

chascates November 1, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Shelby Foote said that almost everything Lincoln did or said was for political effect.

Negropolis November 2, 2012 at 12:12 am

You know, I give Lincoln infinite credit for eventually finding the bravery to deal with what he had to deal with, because god knows the men before him for decades did everything within their power to not only avoid the war but to avoid even national debate on the issues. But this idea of Lincoln the Liberal – and even more so building that false character as a ways of bashing the current president and his party (yes Doloras, I know exactly what you're doing) – is disingenuous at best.

Lincoln was, like the men before him, a man with no place left to go. But, unlike the men before him, he realized this, internalized it, and then went about becoming a key figure in the continuing and ongoing redemption of a nation.

CthuNHu November 2, 2012 at 10:10 am

And it's a good thing, too.

A less political, less pragmatic, more purely idealistic single-minded abolitionist as President might very well have meant that escaped slaves would be fleeing across the northern border of the Confederacy to this day.

boskolives November 1, 2012 at 7:09 pm

And blowing dust farts.

kittenbomb November 1, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Here is the ad I would pay to see:

"Yo, what up black people? R-Mittz here. Lincoln freed the slaves, yo? True dat, look it up! On the free computers at the library, natch. So Lincoln = vote for me! R-Mittz OUT." [drops the mic]

littlebigdaddy November 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Well, if R-Mittz went on an episode of "Cribs' and showed off his car elevator….

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

… and trips over the giant clock hanging around his neck then is admonished by his handlers after his botched pronunciation of "bomb diggity" as "bomb doggety".

CthuNHu November 2, 2012 at 10:11 am

The polygamous grandfather clock?

AngryBlakGuy November 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm

…you left the part out where he says "who let the dogs out"!

boskolives November 1, 2012 at 7:12 pm

They're not out, they're still up on the roof of the car.

Designer_Rants November 1, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Who hosed the dogs off?

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Bulworth was a stupid movie.

CthuNHu November 2, 2012 at 10:12 am

Disagree.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 2, 2012 at 12:39 am

God…could you imagine him even trying to say that? It would start off as comedy and then quickly turn over to sad and pathetic like when Mormons try to listen to soul music. Republicans think all black people talk like the cast of "Diff'rent Strokes" (since ya know…rich white daddy) so Mitt would ask some 'young, hep cat' "what are you talking about, Willis?" with an uncomfortable, unctuous smile to finish off the visual.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 12:43 am

Bzzzz What is this whrrrr of which zrrrrr you speak bzzzzzzz Will bzzzzz izzz bzzzz zrrrrr

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 10:48 am

…shizzle.

HogeyeGrex November 2, 2012 at 4:15 am

So… like this.

HobbesEvilTwin November 2, 2012 at 9:32 am

"On the free computers at the library, natch."

Who aren't Obama's free cellphones internet capable ?!

Lucidamente1 November 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm

It's nice to see Stephen Colbert spending some of his SuperPAC money on ads.

littlebigdaddy November 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm

And you know Sammy Davis Jr. would've been a Romney man.

Beowoof November 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

MLK was a republican, but something tells me he would have switched parties with the current crowd running things.

gullywompr November 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

No, that was his father, MLK Sr. I've looked for evidence of MLK Jr.'s party registration, but didn't find it. Best I can figure he identified himself as a social democrat.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Because Israel, duh.

Blunderthing November 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

"You gotta jump down (huh!) turn around (huh!) pick a bale o' negroes (huh!), Jump down (huh!) turn around (huh!) pat 'em on tha head. Jump down (huh!) turn around (huh!) smile and tell 'em white lies (huh!) Jump down (huh!) turn around (huh!) smack 'em til they're dead. (huh?)

Beowoof November 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

This is not good news over at Storm Front.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 6:10 pm

But what is, really? You know they hate Mormons almost as much as n*****s over there.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 6:11 pm

But what is, really?

You know they hate Mormons almost as much as n*****s over there.

imissopus November 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I post everything twice!

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I only do it when my browser plays trick on me :(

But then it's fun to go back and see which identical comment gets the most thumbs-up. So, bonus!

starfanglednut November 2, 2012 at 1:21 am

I thumbed 'em both up, just to be safe.

doloras November 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Do they? In my country, the leader of the local nazi militia white-homeland crowd is a Mormon.

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Nah, color always beats religion with groups based on racial divisions.

LesBontemps November 2, 2012 at 9:15 am

Tell that to the Jews.

Negropolis November 2, 2012 at 9:19 am

I was talking about the groups here in the United States like the KKK. For as much as they hate Catholics and Jews, there isn't anything like the easy and lazy tell of dark skin to focus their hate.

CthuNHu November 2, 2012 at 10:14 am

Yeah, well, storm fronts haven't been all that good to Romney lately, either.

SayItWithWookies November 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

This is at least better than ECN's other ad idea, which featured an old white guy in a seersucker suit sitting on his veranda with a lemonade in his hand and saying "When are you nigras gonna get it through your thick skulls that us white folks are the ones who really have yoah best interests at heart?"

AngryBlakGuy November 1, 2012 at 5:22 pm

…boss hog?!

SayItWithWookies November 1, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Couldn't be. Boss Hogg lived in a colorblind society — i.e. one without any black people at all, if my recollection of the Dukes of Hazzard is at all accurate.

AngryBlakGuy November 1, 2012 at 5:46 pm

…Archie Bunker?!

SayItWithWookies November 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Somewhere along the line between Simon Legree and Strom Thurmond is more like it.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

Couldn't get Col. Sanders to go for that, huh?

PsycWench November 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Meanwhile, black people are thinking "If the Republican party of the new millennium is so in love with me, why are they trying to keep me from voting?"

Fare la Volpe November 1, 2012 at 7:26 pm

"We disenfranchise you because we love you."

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:31 pm

"We didn't mean to disenfranchize you, but sometimes you just make us so mad. Look what you made us do! But, we promise, next time will be different. We'll never do it again, we promise."

CthuNHu November 2, 2012 at 10:17 am

"If you really loved me, you wouldn't even be voting. So don't go playing the innocent one here."

Negropolis November 2, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Nice.

RomneysLogCabin November 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

As a Jew, I would rather vote for Hitler.

CthuNHu November 2, 2012 at 10:18 am

At least he had an ethos.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 10:51 am

You know who ELSE would rather vote for…?
Oh, wait; that won't work.

elviouslyqueer November 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm

This is good news for Stacey Dash. Obvs.

Lot_49 November 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Last OT of the day: "Fresh Air" linguist Geoff Nunberg gives our Wonkette a shoutout today in his screed against pretentious Anglicisms now infiltrating our beloved Inglés mostly because Mittens is so infatuated with them:

"Snarky," for example. It was pretty much unknown in America before the early 2000s, when it was was attached to the tone of snide knowingness that has become the stock patois of sites like Gawker, Wonkette and Deadspin.

Snide knowingness indeed! Pretty much nailed it….oops, meant to say "Spot on, old chap!"

elviouslyqueer November 1, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Excuse me, Stewardess. I speak "stock patois."

UW8316154 November 1, 2012 at 5:23 pm

snide?? I thought it was called "gallows humor""

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 1, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Since when are buttsechs jokes considered "snide knowingness"?

Geminisunmars November 1, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Since knowing "which snide your bed is buttered on" joined the idiom.

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Sweet!

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Could I have some crackers with my patois?

Doktor Zoom November 1, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I'm against patois. Have you seen how they torture those poor geese?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 12:49 am

Try Cracker Barrel

Jus_Wonderin November 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Yes, I heard that. I sent as a Tip so Wonkette would know as well.

Lot_49 November 1, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Don't worry…no one ever looks at the tip mailbox

Designer_Rants November 1, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Yeah, well I got Firsties since I typed an "OT" comment less than thirty seconds after it was broadcast. All hail my Firsties!

starfanglednut November 2, 2012 at 1:24 am

Hail!

AlterNewt November 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I never use 'patois'. Too pretentious.

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I couldn't smoke in a lot of places if it weren't for patois.

Tommmcatt_Again November 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I use "cant", for that even in these, my twilight years, I am a D&D nerd at heart.

tessiee November 2, 2012 at 10:54 am

"Pretentious? Moi?" — Margaret Atwood, The Robber Bride

AlterNewt November 2, 2012 at 11:51 am

Indeed.Spot on. Snoggle.

FlownOver November 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm

No, sorry… We used to stock patois but we don't get much call for it any more. You might be able to get it in a 55-gallon drum at PolitiCostCo.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Toodly-pip buttsecks, what what!

Gleem McShineys November 1, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Thatsa spicy-a butt-a-secks! *kisses fingers*

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 1, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Well, we are cunning linguists.

bobbert November 1, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Another example: "Assfucking".

anniegetyerfun November 1, 2012 at 8:46 pm

My mother used to use the term "snarky" all the time with me. As in, "you had better stop being so goddamn snarky, Annie, or there won't BE a tomorrow for you." Pretty sure that it meant then what it does now, and this was back in the early 80s.

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Hey, has your little one popped into the world yet?

anniegetyerfun November 1, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Yes, arrived last week via C-section. Little bugger wouldn't come out on her own, so after 21 hours of labor, we just ended up cutting her out. She's freaking adorable, although she DOES have a hairy back. I blame her father.

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Aww. Glad you're both doing all right.

There's a reason they call it "baby fuzz".

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Congrats! I'm so glad to hear you're both doing fine, & hope you won't get too busy to snark at Wonkette…

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Yay! Annie and Annie Jr both doing well, congrats. And my firstborn came out with a full head of hair and general furriness too. Head all smushed around from the tight squeeze coming out and the suction cup required for her removal. Complexion all red and splotchy and gross. We tell her she looked like a very angry eskimo baby that got into a fight with a walrus. Pictures back us up on that.

Seventeen years later she's 5'8" and gad-danged fashion model, or just looks like one. Feed 'em right, and make them get a lot of exercise when they're young and they can turn out OK. (Of course this means you'll be getting some exercise, too ;)

Mumbletypeg November 1, 2012 at 10:37 pm

This is tremendous news. And we could use the upbeat kind these days. Thanks for updating, I'd been wondering!

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I understand new mothers are permitted to blame the father for everything for at least five years. Congratulations on having emerged unscathed with offspring.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 1, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I was just wondering about you yesterday. Congrats and here's to the next generation of smartasses.

bobbert November 2, 2012 at 12:47 am

That is wonderful news. Congratulations and very best wishes. Does she have a Wonkette handle yet?

starfanglednut November 2, 2012 at 1:24 am

Awww, congratulations agyf. We want pics!

Doktor Zoom November 2, 2012 at 1:52 am

Congrats to you and the sprog!

Biff November 2, 2012 at 10:54 am

Yay!

Lot_49 November 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

Hey! This is all off-topic!

(And great news)

FeloniousMonk November 1, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Let's hope the British meaning of "wonky" doesn't catch on.

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 10:34 pm

?? There's a meaning I wot not of? I always used it to mean a bit squiffy, or tiddly, or something.

FeloniousMonk November 1, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Well, liable to fall down at any moment, though not necessarily because of drink taken. But I thought that in the USA, and in this nice cozy corner of the Web, it meant "intensely interested in the minutiae of policy (and buttsex)". Perhaps I need to take a course in ESL?

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Right. I wot of both of those.

No worries, then. Besides, wouldn't it be ASL?

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Mr. Nunberg, I knew Stock Patois. Stock Patois was a friend of mine. My very dearest Wonkette, you are no Stock Patois, inshallah.

Nostrildamus November 1, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Butt Torpedo!

(note the snark, fellows)

SayItWithWookies November 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm

And Abe Lincoln, Republican, freed the slaves — because he was such a strong advocate of states' rights, like the current Republican party. As it is now, thus it must always have been.

AngryBlakGuy November 1, 2012 at 5:17 pm

…can I haz Michael Steele?!

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm

What up, dog?

AngryBlakGuy November 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm

…I think the period of time that he was in charge of the RNC will go down in history as one of the most bold face pandering moves ever thrown at the African American community. Funny how affirmative action is bad if a Democrat propose it, but when the Republicans put into place a chairman whose sole qualification is his elevated level of melanin it is fine.

FlownOver November 1, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Who can name a Judicial Branch analogy?

Anyone? Anyone?

Geminisunmars November 1, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Um. I can't think of anyone per se. Does it have anything to do with hairy coke cans?

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 7:20 pm

What up, doj? Actually, they're Executive. Nevermind.

Geminisunmars November 1, 2012 at 6:03 pm

To be fair, he did make a good muppet.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 6:15 pm

They say he had a decent singing voice. And could eve do some tap.

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 7:26 pm

See, I think they were pandering to white ninnies who don't what time it is, not black folks. You know, "Independents" and "Undecideds".

bobbert November 1, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Oh, you mean "Liars".

MosesInvests November 1, 2012 at 8:32 pm

There's a world of difference between affirmative action and tokenism.

SoBeach November 1, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Every time this argument gets trotted out it only reinforces the notion that republicans think black folks are stupid and gullible. I'm not sure how that's supposed to get them more votes, unless it's more votes from racist white people.

gullywompr November 1, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Quite.

fuflans November 1, 2012 at 5:18 pm

in honor of NJ i am just cold listenin to the ramones from now until next tuesday.

Indiepalin November 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm

"Bonzo Goes to Bitburg"

Jus_Wonderin November 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I think I bought 3 boxes of Ramones from the sweet girl scout last cookie season.

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I'd skip the DeeDees. God only knows what they put in those.

LesBontemps November 2, 2012 at 9:24 am

Chinese rocks.

SoBeach November 1, 2012 at 5:27 pm

True story of the most surreal moment of my life: I'm aimlessly pushing a shopping cart through my local Publix, dodging soccer moms and grannies while loading up on spaghetti sauce and dog food, when I realize that the store Muzak system is playing I Wanna Be Sedated. I look around to see if anyone else notices, but they're all doing the grocery store sleepwalk shuffle. I had a grin on my face for days.

Doktor Zoom November 1, 2012 at 6:27 pm

That was one of Kid Zoom's favorite bathtime songs when he was two, though that may have involved a little wishful thinking on his dad's part, too.

FlownOver November 1, 2012 at 6:07 pm

That's one way to go. Jukesgrrl and I (separately, alas) will take a slightly more Asburian approach.

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Wait… Are you and Jukesgrrl a Wonkette couple?

(Actual answer not required if you'd prefer not to give it.)

FlownOver November 1, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Sadly, no. We share only an abiding interest in John Lyon and his troupe of kick-ass R&Bers.

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Ah, jus' checkin. Friends over R&B is nothing to sneeze at.

finallyhappy November 1, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I think we need to know all the Wonkette couples so I can start saving pennies(cans/plastic bottles) for wedding gifts

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I refuse to get married until all my gay friends can get married too!

{cue gay marriage becoming legal in WA on Nov. 7th}

Wait, what??!!?

fuflans November 1, 2012 at 8:14 pm

i just like the head banging list of titles that work for this stupid election (rockaway beach was what i was thinking of today – and wishing rockaway beach an easing of pain..).

tonight i'm working on 'i'm against it', 'needles and pins' and 'i wanna be well'.

coolhandnuke November 1, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Add The Feelies.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm

And Jersey Shore reruns.

LesBontemps November 2, 2012 at 9:28 am

Also Hoboken's own Yo La Tengo.

ManchuCandidate November 1, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Somewhere Uncle Ruckus is ranting.

Botlrokit November 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I guess making this ad is cheaper than to lobby for the repeal of black voting.

NellCote71 November 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

That's next when this doesn't work.

SorosBot November 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm

The Republican Party wants to do everything it can to encourage black Americans to come out and vote next Wednesday.

AngryBlakGuy November 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

…they probably have a voter suppression plan for the day after the election too!

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Or Thursday! They're not too picky.

cousinitt November 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Lamont Sanford: [Lamont complains that Fred isn't a good businessman] A six-year-old does better business than you!
Fred Sanford: Well, pretty soon you won't have to deal with me any more, I'll be joinin' your mother, and you can get a six-year-old to replace me, and it won't be Sanford and Son anymore, it'll be Big Dummy and Little Dummy Inc!

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Now I can't get the theme song outta my head.

mrpuma2u November 1, 2012 at 5:22 pm

The "Under the banner of Heaven" book editrix is reading is a good read. Scary as hell. Mentions Mitt's great grandaddy who fled to Mexico to keep the polygamy flag a flyin'.

PsycWench November 2, 2012 at 9:53 pm

The most awful thing about the book is that it's true.

mormos November 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

If you are going to read a book about Mormons, I recommend "One Nation Under Gods"

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2012 at 6:45 pm

If you are going to read a book about Mormons, I recommend that you don't. In less than a week it won't matter anymore.

finallyhappy November 1, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I'll just steal their book next time I am at a Marriott.

bobbert November 1, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Warning. It's not what anybody would call a "good read".

Schmannnity November 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Yeah, that thing we did for you 150 years ago? You're welcome. Now shut up and vote Republican. This is hard!

NellCote71 November 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm

You people.

elviouslyqueer November 1, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Wow. The ECN's ad that was BANNED by the Akron newspaper is like a Children's Treasury of Batshit Insanity and Horrible Graphic Design.

mavenmaven November 1, 2012 at 5:26 pm

The election season better be soon because the republicans have jumped the shark.

Geminisunmars November 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I think that happened during the primary debates.

CommieDad November 1, 2012 at 5:28 pm

If the republicans were for civil rights, conservative approaches to government (don't fuck with it where it works), and pro-family (support gay families, support middle class tax cuts, etc.), then I would vote for them.

None of this is true now. Some of it was true in the past.

Vote for the party that has proven to support Black people. Not with BS color blind ideas, but with an acknowledgement that we white people FUCKING CHAINED YOU UP FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS AND STILL TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT. Don't trust anyone who says that the anti-affirmative action racist republicans are better for black people. We as a country are not over racism, and shouldn't pretend like we are.

I am not a racist. I am also not perfect. I am smart enough to know that.

Redgyal November 1, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Next time tell us what really think. Okay?

CommieDad November 2, 2012 at 2:09 am

No problem. I think that white people are afraid to talk about racism. I think saying, "I'm color blind" is a cop-out and a lie. The fact is that Black people have a special place in this country, as the only "minority" that for the most part were brought here against their will. I am tired of being afraid to talk about it. I think that it is critical that we acknowledge that to get to a point were we are "over that" we have a heck of a lot more work to do. Sometimes you need to shout to be heard, and sometimes you need to tell it like it fucking is.

Redgyal November 2, 2012 at 10:13 am

All very true but remember some people don't really want to get over it. They like the tension because it feeds into their agenda. It is like trying to get a man who beats his wife to admit he is wrong and stop doing what he is doing. He needs the psychological fear in order to keep,control of his wife so he has no motivation to let her off the hook so to speak by admitting that the beating was wrong or undeserved. And if you see the parallel between that situation and the issue with racism then you understand truly why we have not moved on as a nation.

UW8316154 November 1, 2012 at 5:29 pm

That demographic profile of the Wonkette advertising audience inspires me to work on my wonkett personal ad. Good lord we are a good-looking crew!

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 5:34 pm

You are a Washington person, yes? Coming to drinky meet-ups helps as well! (Drinking actually optional.)

Lot_49 November 1, 2012 at 7:40 pm

He gives his grid coordinates right there in his screen name, except one digit is missing. UTM FTW!

skmind November 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm

From the book of Mormon in which the following is said (2 Nephi 5:21-23);
“And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.“

Hey, James Meredith did endorse David Duke, so we know miracles can happen.

finallyhappy November 1, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I really like the songs and dancing in the Book of Mormon.

Gleem McShineys November 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm

That still photograph of Abe Lincoln blinked more times than Animatronic Convincing Negro

OneYieldRegular November 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I'm having a hard time hearing this ad. Hold on a second while I turn down the sound of Mitt Romney hiring John Sununu as his campaign advisor.

Lot_49 November 1, 2012 at 7:45 pm

You're not persuaded by S'nu's telegenic good looks, native charm, even-handed approach to the issues, and willingness to listen to both sides of an issue?

ph7 November 1, 2012 at 5:34 pm

In Toledo you'll get food to eat
Won't have to run through the jungle
And scuff up your feet
You'll just sing about Jesus and drink wine all day
It's great to be a Republican American

Sail Away…

FlownOver November 1, 2012 at 11:36 pm

How did Randy Newman predict both Romney's domestic civil rights policy and his foreign relations:

Let's drop the Big One
And see what happens

on the same ElPee forty years ago!!!11!!one!

Doktor Zoom November 2, 2012 at 1:56 am

There's no danger, however, that he ever wrote any of Barack Obama's poems for him.

vulpes82 November 1, 2012 at 5:36 pm

The only people this ad would work with are racist whites, who are already voting Republican. Black people will just shake their heads. Maybe, if we're lucky, it'll even make more of them turn out to vote!

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Oh, this pre-explains the Ohio voting machine landslide for Romney. (Goddamnit Wonkette, now you've got me doing it! Fuck vote-suppressing liberal gloom!!)

doloras November 1, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Cheer up. They'd have to steal Virginia and Colorado as well.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 2, 2012 at 9:57 am

It might be interesting, after the dust settles, to see if the updated Mitt-Bot 3000v.12 did significantly better among the voting machines, relative to paper ballots.

iburl November 1, 2012 at 5:37 pm

So unfair that we have an MLK day, but no Allen West day. Damn Liberal media!

Doktor Zoom November 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm

"Rules for Commenting Radicals" precludes me from pointing out what West would need to do to qualify for a holiday.

iburl November 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm

skullf**k a re**rd?

RufusTFirefly November 1, 2012 at 6:54 pm

But in public this time.

bobbert November 1, 2012 at 8:51 pm

THE THE THE!!!

coolhandnuke November 1, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Over at the NewsCorp/Fox News building, they do not celebrate or acknowledge Black History Month or MLK Day, but they have created their own special day to celebrate–Alan Keyes West Day.

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I can't do an Allen West Day, but I couldn't live without an Adam West Day.

Poindexter718 November 1, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Seems like the dark (git it? 'dark' !!1!!) money groups in Ohio are having a problem coordinating their messages: "Republicans are responsible for black Americans gaining the right to vote, a right that can also be a felony punishable by 3 years in prison and/or a fine of $10,000."

CrunchyKnee November 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

That's great that Carlton finally got a job after 'The Fresh Prince' went off the air so many years ago.

Callyson November 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

FFS, again with "Republicans passed civil rights legislation." Yeah, not only did they need Northern Democrats to do so, and not only was most of that legislation promoted by Kennedy and LBJ, but they also quickly cashed in on the Southern revolt after the bills passed and made the Solid South solidly Republican. And that's without even getting started on their voter suppression (no, I will not call them voter ID laws and give them a shred of respectability) laws.

Assholes.

SorosBot November 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Hey now, the Republican Party did pass the Civil Rights Act all by themselves! The Civil Rights Act of 1868, that is. (The one that was quickly gutted by the right-wing Supreme Court, using a rather unique interpretation of the due process clause to gut the 14th Amendment's primary intent).

HarryButtle November 1, 2012 at 5:43 pm

If the GOP wants to nominate another Lincoln, I'll vote GOP. But Mitt aint worthy to lick horseshit off Ol' Abe's boots, so NO SALE, fucktards. Hell, Lincoln was probably too progressive for today's Democratic Party.

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Oh yeah, and in the early '20s, Jersey Republican Nucky Thompson made sure the Negroes got cut in on the illegal liquor. He even sat down with Community Leader Chalky White and had civilized conversations, if you can imagine, and let the Coloreds have their sport with a murdering Klansman! HBO has such excellent documentaries.

coolhandnuke November 1, 2012 at 7:26 pm

The scene, a few episodes back, with Chalky and associate in Eddie Kantor's hotel suite was beautiful.

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm

The show's big flaw is that Nucky Thompson is such a passive character. He's got it made, and everybody wants what he has, but nothing really drives him, since he built his empire years ago. All Buscemi has to do is walk around looking irritated. The show is basically aimless, with occasional trumped up conflicts to juice things up, but no overall narrative arc. I also don't like that Buscemi's accent doesn't match his own brother's. It's still very watchable though, with the requisite HBO fucking.

coolhandnuke November 1, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Agreed on way too much Buscemi face time. There is ample man and lady parts on display…a full frontal Italian wang too, also.

BadKitty904 November 1, 2012 at 7:38 pm

For some reason, the HBO "documentary, " "Conspiracy" – based on transcripts from the 1942 Wanssee Conference – has been much on my mind this election season, as the Neo-cons march farther and farther away from normalcy, humanity, and even reality…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFYyLUtIVX8

pdiddycornchips November 1, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Five days before the election Mitt and Republicans discovered there are African Americans and Hispanics (he released another ad to run on Spanish language stations today) in America and they sometimes vote?

"Forget all that race baiting and dog whistling. We've changed!"

This ad is the equivalent of taking a foot long stack of hundred dollar bills and light them on fire. Not just pointless, it also pisses people off,

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Did Redd Foxx write that headline?

Doktor Zoom November 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Maybe Rebecca just meant these guys.

Generation[redacted] November 1, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Republicans to Ohio voters: "You got to wash yo ass!"

ph7 November 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Warning: Mitt views certain trees to be the "right height", brothers.

jello_mold November 2, 2012 at 3:00 am

(shudder) It was the first thing I thought (shudder).

BarackMyWorld November 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"I love my black president."
-Paul Mooney

smokefilledroommate November 2, 2012 at 12:25 am

"He's like the dark, but I want him."
–Kim Deal (like that's so profound, but fuck it. I love her.)

Here's hoping we all have an inaugural ball.

T3rbo November 1, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Wow, what a powerful video. I am totally voting for abe lincoln now.

doloras November 1, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I think U. S. Grant could have posed Hopey a real challenge.

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Well, in a drinking competition, sure. Now, Grant is a guy you'd like to have a beer with…or twelve.

Generation[redacted] November 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Abe will never carry the rural South.

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Many rural counties in the South have black majorities, you do realize?

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:52 pm

True, and yet still, Abe will never carry the rural South until the parties realign.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2012 at 6:43 pm

"Totally good ROI. You know where else you could get just as good a return? A little place we like to call “Wonkette.com.”

Wait, there are black people here at Wonkette? I bet they are the non-threatening kind like Linc on the Mod Squad, not the scary kind like the Muslim Kenyan Socialist President, who probably wears a dashiki under his Armani suits.

LagunaB November 2, 2012 at 7:35 am

Not Armani. Hartmarx. A 121 year old Chicago company that is the largest suit maker in the US.

ttommyunger November 1, 2012 at 6:50 pm

I don't blame them for trying; whites don't have the franchise on self-hating fuckwads who are more than happy to vote against their own interests.

pdiddycornchips November 2, 2012 at 12:02 am

The ad created a job for two black people. That should be enough for four years right?

ttommyunger November 2, 2012 at 11:38 am

So long as no benefits were included……I guess…..

weejee November 1, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Real man Saint Nate Silver has bet wussietariate Morning Joe Scarborough $1K that Bamz will win. Morning Joe has soiled his Depends™.

Geminisunmars November 1, 2012 at 6:52 pm

A real man would bet $10K. Just saying.

weejee November 1, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Mittbotz bet $10K. If Mittz was a real man he'd $10M. For him betting $10K is like Jill or Joe Sixpack betting a quarter.

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 10:26 pm

But if Mittens has to pay a quarter IN TAXES, that's obscene…

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Hey, HEY! Watch who you're malign … wut? Oh. You said MittBot.

Never mind.

starfanglednut November 2, 2012 at 1:34 am

Z, when the election is over, you'll need a new name. Any thoughts?

CommieDad November 1, 2012 at 8:30 pm

If Obama loses, Nate loses a lot more than $1K. Sadly, people don't seem to understand that when he quotes odds, he is doing just that. He is not saying, "My model conclusively shows that Mitt Romney has a snowballs chance in H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks." He is saying that Mitt has about a 30% chance to fuck us all over. So really, no mater what happens he should be cool. But if Barry loses, he's fucked.

trampndirtdown November 1, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Nate's site has been updated, he now has Willard's chance at 20% :)

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:08 pm

It's dropping by about a point a day. :D

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 1, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Guess who's coming to Madison on Monday:

President Barack Obama and….

Bruce Springsteen.

bobbert November 2, 2012 at 12:50 am

They doing Bascom Hill again?

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 10:28 pm

If Barry loses, we're all fucked.

Honestly, I worry more about rigged machines than this tide of pro-Mitt enthusiasm that's supposedly sweeping the nation.

BadKitty904 November 1, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Dang. Pander much?

I'm as white as it's possible to be without being transparent and *I* find that ad condescending and offensive. Especially the white spokesman in blackface.

BaldarTFlagass November 1, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Huh, I figured they'd go all in, but the other way, and all the commercials and stump speeches from Mitt and Ryan would be all "Let's stop dancing around the subject here, the president is a ni66er."

TootsStansbury November 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I am reminded of an old Dave Chappelle bit; the one where the blind guy is a grand wizard…

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 7:18 pm

If this is the imbecilic way they're going to waste their money, yay Citizens United!!

chascates November 1, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Arbeit macht frei.

Also too.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 1, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Gonna need a new wall. This one has large dents from where I keep banging my head against it.

CommieDad November 1, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Drywall patching could lead to new skills that may be marketable under the Romney Economy.

An_Outhouse November 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm
imissopus November 1, 2012 at 7:50 pm

And Taft! He was a Republican from Ohio! You blacks don't have any reason to hate Taft, right? He was buddies with Booker T. Washington, who was an important black man who did something or other! Vote Romney!

Wile E. Quixote November 1, 2012 at 7:54 pm

You do have to give the Republicans credit for pissing away a noble legacy. Lincoln freed the slaves, Earl Warren worked his ass off to get "Brown v. Board of Education" through the Supreme Court and to make it unanimous, Dwight Eisenhower didn't like "Brown" but he liked Orval Faubus even less, so he federalized the Arkansas National Guard and sent the 82nd Airborne into Little Rock to enforce desegregation. They had all that and they let Barry Goldwater and Richard Nixon piss it away by sucking up to white racist southerners like Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms.

Chet Kincaid_ November 1, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Nice summary.

pdiddycornchips November 2, 2012 at 12:09 am

Republicans just usurped the name. Like those guys who go around calling themselves Lynyrd Skynyrd. They aren't fooling anyone

FeloniousMonk November 1, 2012 at 7:56 pm

That ad needs better background music.

not that Dewey November 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Empower Citizens Network was established as a conservative alternative Super Pac…to serve as a counterbalance to the mainstream liberal media…

The "mainstream liberal media" has been so goddammed counterbalanced it's gonna take a lever the length of the universe to stand it up straight again.

chascates November 1, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Blacks can't count on Obama, I guess. Drudge's main hede:
OBAMA LEFT THEM BEHIND: HUNGRY DUMPSTER DIVING IN NYC

Tommmcatt_Again November 1, 2012 at 8:22 pm

They really have no memory of Katrina at all, do they?

azeyote November 1, 2012 at 8:08 pm

where did they find these oreos anyway? they must have been let go from the gop lynch mob that was chasin them for their food stamps and welfare checks.

marinmaven November 1, 2012 at 9:55 pm

It is most likely a symptom of the terrible lot of an actor of color in Hollywood. An acting gig is an acting gig.

not that Dewey November 1, 2012 at 8:14 pm

The announcer forgot to say "RAHOWA!!!" at the end of the video.

Doktor Zoom November 1, 2012 at 8:18 pm

14 Durrs!

doloras November 1, 2012 at 10:21 pm

"We must secure future for white children, you're only gay if you take it."

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:11 pm

You're back (fans self)

ElPinche November 1, 2012 at 8:16 pm

NEEDS LESS CARLTON BANKS.

hijackthemic November 1, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Abe Lincoln would bitch slap Mitt Romney with his gigantic hands.

HedonismBot November 1, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Because nothing says "we care about you personally" quite like smiling, anonymous models in commercially-available clip art.

fuflans November 1, 2012 at 8:36 pm

so today bamz got the endorsement of both bloomberg and 'the economist'.

this is starting to feel less like '10 and more like '08.

now i'm off to the economist to fight the good fight.

doloras November 1, 2012 at 10:23 pm

This shows that the REAL 1% have come off the fence and have decided they're going to use the black moderate puppet for another four years and put the Mormon robot character back in storage. I always believed that this was their plan – they didn't want Mittens elected, they just wanted to spook the liberals to keep Obama trending rightwards. So, er, yay?

Veritas78 November 1, 2012 at 8:41 pm

JUST SOZ YALL NOOO!! A very republican scion acknowledged to me today that:
next year might be better for donations to non-profits because of fiscal-cliff/higher-rates/more-deductibilities if a certain darkly-persuasioned fellow re-obtained his presnitzy.

Just sayin'. So save the canned tuna, for now.

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Awww, that is SO SWEET of you! So, will you be donating hobo beans to the rest of us, or what?

Pat_Pending November 1, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Back in 2008 my Republican mother-in-law (who lives in GA), during a phone conversation asked my husband, "So, you gonna vote for the nigger?" knowing full well that her libtard daughter-in-law was brainwashing her precious son. So, yeah, I can totally see how Republicans are good for ni… ahem, BLACK PEOPLE.

fuflans November 1, 2012 at 10:18 pm

are you still married?

Pat_Pending November 2, 2012 at 12:01 am

As a matter of fact, yes. He realized (albeit painfully) that hisparents are racist assholes, and that there's no future for humanityin a rat hole.

Guppy November 1, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Yes, Lincoln freed the blahs, and they shot him. In fact, the Republicans kept on getting presidents shot out from under them until a Democrat put a blah in Ole Miss.

Coincidence? I'd say the Republicans have learned their lesson.

chascates November 1, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Not all blacks are still on the plantation! Jon McNaughton has a new painting!

HuffPo (w/picture)Titled "Runaway Slave," the work depicts conservative figure Rev. C.L. Bryant, the man who recently produced a documentary by the same name on the alleged bondage of black Americans under liberal governments. McNaughton worked with Bryant to produce his new painting, telling CBS Houston that he supports the filmmaker's sentiments. “My position is that the Democratic Party has brought the demise of Black America," the artist said.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/01/anti-oba

trampndirtdown November 1, 2012 at 9:58 pm

With apologies to Cally, Oh FFS!

imissopus November 1, 2012 at 10:27 pm

At least he said Democratic Party. Progress?

chascates November 1, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Has anyone referred to the 'Republic Party'? I want a counter-meme for the long-range war.

ElPinche November 1, 2012 at 10:32 pm

OMFG!! That's redonkulous .

NYNYNYjr November 1, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Countdown to those stock photo people doing an angry ad for Obama.

toaster_pastry November 1, 2012 at 9:17 pm

"heard a muzak version of green day's holiday"

Green Day *is* muzak.

/get off of my lawn

starfanglednut November 2, 2012 at 1:27 am

Ugh. They're the worst. Except for Nickleback of course.

CommieDad November 1, 2012 at 9:33 pm

OT: After reviewing Sam Wang's site: http://election.princeton.edu/ and reviewing the spreadsheet he has for download, I am feeling pretty good about this election.

Now we know from the polls that their are 9 swing states. That's 512 possible combinations. 431 of them involve a win for Barry. If the results are 50/50 for all the swing states, then that means that the odds are 84% in his favor. We know the odds are NOT 50/50. Once we give Bamz Nevada and Wisconson, that leaves only 128 possible combinations. 119 of those are winning. Add Iowa and you get 64 possible with 61 winning.

Realistically, if Mr. Obama wins Virginia, Ohio, or Florida, he wins. He will almost certainly win one of these three, if not all of them.

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 9:45 pm

That's an awful lot of math and I feel a little faint, but it is reassuring.

Steverino247 November 1, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Well, my wang has never steered me wrong…

doloras November 1, 2012 at 10:25 pm

And even if he loses those, he can win with Colorado and Wisconsin, right?

CommieDad November 2, 2012 at 12:07 am

Yes. I was bored and just wrote a tiny program taking Nate's numbers for states only, ignoring national polls, etc. I came up with 96% chance of an Obama win.

succalina November 1, 2012 at 11:17 pm

No snark: no complacency or jinxing please! Love ya!

CommieDad November 2, 2012 at 12:09 am

All my numbers are based on Democrats keeling over in exhaustion on election day. Also voting at least once.

marinmaven November 1, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Geez, the Republicans tried to coax the ladies to vote for them based on their stellar record for women's suffrage. I say, if you have to go back almost a century to more than a century back to tout your civil rights accomplishments, you are doing it wrong.

See http://spectator.org/archives/2012/04/30/republic

Monsieur_Grumpe November 1, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I'm fairly certain I am a full 1/256 black but that ad pisses me off 100%

miss_grundy November 1, 2012 at 9:58 pm

You have to really suffer from self-hatred to vote for the party that considers you a third-class citizen or, even, chattel. So that explains the Log Cabin Republicans, African-American Repubs, Latino Repubs and female Repubs.

Steverino247 November 1, 2012 at 10:11 pm

The Republicans freed the slaves in 1863, but abandoned them in 1876. By ending Reconstruction and removing Federal troops from the South, the freed blacks were on their own. It took nearly 90 years to get started on fixing this. Sadly, we're still not there.

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I wonder how much he was paid for that? I hope to god it was a whole helluva lot.

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Y'awl, Bamz is bringing down the house! Checkidout: http://www.ustream.tv/cbsnews#utm_campaign=t.co&a

chascates November 1, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Where is this at? I'm not up on the travels.

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Denver, CO. People were going wild. So was he. I haven't heard that much enthusiasm in a while!

fuflans November 1, 2012 at 10:20 pm

i think the veils finally came off (yesterday and today – thanks i guess chris c…)

i'm looking forward to this weekend.

VinnyThePooh November 1, 2012 at 10:46 pm

By this logic, Luke Skywalker got it all backassward and should have joined Daddy Vader after he sliced off Luke's hand.

Callyson November 1, 2012 at 11:21 pm

And in a related tweet, the latest from Nate:

Obama remains at ~80% to win in today's 538 forecast. (80.8% if you like decimal places.)

BadKitty904 November 2, 2012 at 8:24 am

Still, I'll stop fretting *after* Rmoney's concession speech…(assuming the self-centered prick has the professionalism and courtesy to make one)…

Callyson November 2, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Understood. I'm still edgy myself.

snowpointsecret November 1, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Five more days… Seriously, just five more days and all of these ads will be over with.

StillGoinGreen November 1, 2012 at 11:56 pm

SONOFABITCH!! I used my fake blah ID to cast my 4th vote for Obama – and now I find out the Lord Mittens loved the blahs all along!! Oh well, I still have my Shamim Patel ID, maybe he'll come out as an Indian American lover by Tuesday!

Negropolis November 2, 2012 at 12:02 am

What was the name on your fake blah ID…?

God, I hope I don't regret this, but we could make this a thing. lol

StillGoinGreen November 2, 2012 at 12:08 am

Raheem Mahmoud Sharpton, of course!

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Rebecca, for future reference, Black Dummies is a pejorative. They prefer the term "earthen-toned Mannequin Americans."

NYNYNYjr November 2, 2012 at 12:12 am

Yeah, republicans passed the civil rights act, with the help of Republican presidents JFK and LBJ. And ask today's House Republicans what they think about the contents of the civil rights act! Oh My!

SirHotspur November 2, 2012 at 12:13 am

I will tell you the smartest thing about that ad…that they disabled comments.

BTWBFDIMHO November 2, 2012 at 1:08 am

OT but, Coldplay meets Buena Social Club y Recreativo, y la Revolución Parece Eterna. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onpJ6fLBif8

bobbert November 2, 2012 at 2:10 am

Possibly Coldplay should outsource all their performances?

DerrickWildcat November 2, 2012 at 2:18 am

Cat Lovers Against the Bomb for Black Folks! http://nebraskansforpeace.org/clab

BadKitty904 November 2, 2012 at 8:26 am

We cats have long been against the bomb. If you humans were wiped out, who would we sit on?

Beach_Bubba_Tex November 2, 2012 at 7:23 am

Convinced me! I'm votin for this Lincoln fellar.

BadKitty904 November 2, 2012 at 8:25 am

I dunno. He's got one-a them Muslin beards…

Negropolis November 2, 2012 at 8:36 am

Totally OT, but my favorite political ad of the season was one done by the Michigan Education Association, our largest teacher's union:

Settle the Score! Stand up for Kids, not CEOs!

EDIT: We added 171,000 jobs, last month, something like 40,000 over what was expected. Unemployment ticks up a tenth of a percent because more people are getting back into the workforce. Great, great numbers.

BadKitty904 November 2, 2012 at 8:59 am

Awwww. *VERY* nicely done!

sullivanst November 2, 2012 at 9:03 am

Also of note, when you add in the August (+50k) and September (+34k) adjustments, that's 255,000 more jobs in the total on this report than on the last one.

Romney attempted to claim last month that the drop in unemployment rate was due to workers leaving the work force. That's completely bogus, of course – there were 211,000 fewer people not in the labor force September than in August. This month, the number not in the labor force falls a further 369,000. In other news, Romney is still a shameless liar. Expect him to tell more lies about this report, such as claiming the small uptick in U3 means jobs were lost.

So, cue the ridiculous conspiracy theories, again. Even though the large upward adjustment for September goes to demonstrate that the BLS was not inflating that number last month.

Between this report and Chris Christie telling everyone how well the administration is responding to Sandy, this election's looking done and dusted.

BadKitty904 November 2, 2012 at 9:08 am

I'll stand down on the morning of the 7th. Until then, I don't trust these underhanded Repug douches any farther than I can spit.

Like I keep saying – if they can't win the election, they'll certainly try to steal it.

Negropolis November 2, 2012 at 9:17 am

I'm not going to let up, but I'd be worried only if all they had to do was steal one state. But, with how it's layed out, this time, Romney would have to steal multiple states (with different systems of voting) to steal the entire thing. We've got to keep our eyes on Ohio, but the president could lose Florida, NC and Virginia and still end up winning.

BadKitty904 November 2, 2012 at 8:56 am

Also OT: "The Simpsons"' Mr. Burns has publicly endorsed Mitt Romney. And no, I'm not kidding.

sullivanst November 2, 2012 at 9:19 am

Despite "unimaginably horrible good jobs numbers", which sounds like a quote directly from the Romney campaign to me.

BadKitty904 November 2, 2012 at 9:27 am
weejee November 2, 2012 at 10:35 am

Poor Mr. Burns, picked a loser once again. God now sayz Bamz has 80.9% change to win. Looks like next Tuesday will be a massive Apoo on Mittens' parade.

sullivanst November 2, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I see Nate got a promotion. God's the next step after boyfriend, right?

ETA: Thank you, please don't come again, Mittens.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 2, 2012 at 9:53 am

Eeeeew.
That should bring Obama's support among black folks from 95% to, maybe, 99.9%

mrblifil November 2, 2012 at 10:11 am

What's with the angry black dude? Hug your daughters close lovers of freedom!

ravi_shankar November 2, 2012 at 10:26 am

As my mother used to say, all the good republicans are dead.

freakishlywrong November 2, 2012 at 10:33 am

Good jobs report. For the country. Bad jobs report. For Republicans. They'll darken the sky with Benghazi bullshit.

Tundra Grifter November 2, 2012 at 11:09 am

Thinking Blahs, of course, are going to ask "What have you done for us lately?"

Biff November 2, 2012 at 11:14 am

Apropos of nothing, I played the part of Lincoln in my 6th grade play.

No, not because I was tall, because of the goatee…

lulzmonger November 2, 2012 at 1:29 pm

But 1965 was only 47 years ago – that's barely an eyeblink in geological time!

FakaktaSouth November 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Not in my neighborhood.

Callyson November 1, 2012 at 5:52 pm

There was one in California once–Tom Campbell–who would definitely have had a chance against Barbara Boxer. Fortunately, the wingnuts run the CA GOP and would not nominate him.

weejee November 1, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Well we have Dan Evans still on this side of the crypt here in Warshington. At the age of 87, the former Repub Gov & President of Goeduck Tech is one of the 1%ers.

ed: Looking at the Wiki, Evans established the first state Dept. of Ecology that Nixon used as a model for the EPA and also supported a state income tax. This from a Republican engineer who felt he was a conservative. Sweet Jebus, compared to today's GOPeers Evans looks like a Trotskyite.

Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

If you can believe it, it was.

Check and see what the Heritage Foundation, of all people, were proposing when that scary Hillary Clinton was secretly plotting to turn our health care system into the US version of Britain's National Health, or Canada's Socialized Med, or even better.

It's not word-for-word, but it looks a lot like "Obamacare."

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm

And by tap, you mean "shuck and jive", right?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I have the strange feeling you're following me.

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Jesus, you guys are making him sound like Sammy Davis.

emmelemm November 1, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Well, it seemed like the right thing to do.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 1, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Squee!

Geminisunmars November 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Oh, is he Jewish?

smokefilledroommate November 1, 2012 at 9:12 pm

"Michael Steele"? c'mon, now!

BoatOfVelociraptors November 1, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Lascauxcaveman November 1, 2012 at 9:57 pm

My (R) precinct-committeman dad always voted for Evans, but when he was followed by Dixie Lee Ray (D for dyke) he liked to say "That Democrat lady governor is the best Republican governor we've ever had in Warshington."

Yes, he always said "Warshington."

And you're right, Dan Evans was (and is) a peach. Problem is he quit the senate after one term because he thought it was getting too nasty. This was what, in 1982 or so?

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 10:38 pm

HAHAHAHA! It would serve you right, too, Missy. You never even SHARED the good news.

Negropolis November 1, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Yes, being "Undecided/Independent" is for the discerning racist. You know, the ones that abhor the word "nigger" being used in polite company, but on't have any qualms whatsoever denying certain groups certain rights and opportunities.

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:04 pm

You MADE me do this!

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:06 pm

"But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
Lena Horne and Sheriff Clarke are dancing cheek to cheek.
It's fun to eulogize
The people you despise,
As long as you don't let 'em in your school."

Tom Lehrer, That Was The Year That Was

anniegetyerfun November 1, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Thank you. Was in the hospital for about a week without access to my laptop, so just catching up on the snark now.

mille derps November 1, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I sure hope nobody decides to play that trailer for one of those Middle Eastern Glenn Becks…

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 1, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I love how you just slipped back into snarking. Like 'What? I had this kid. What?"

Congratulations! Has she voted yet?

anniegetyerfun November 1, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Well, I'm leaving out all the parts where I stare at her in complete awe and totally don't mind when she vomits down the front of my dress. Because that would make me look like a pussy. So far, the hormones are telling me that this is the best thing ever. I'm sure it will wear off eventually. We did actually just mail in our ballot today, actually. Democracy!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 1, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Sincerity! How dare you!

Good on you. A liberal multi-racial babby hot damn!

It is the best thing ever.

Good on you. Also on you, vomit. The fun begins!

StillGoinGreen November 2, 2012 at 12:05 am

Write me back about the awe thingy the first time the poop starts stinking! Not all fun and games from there on out! Congrats, parenthood is the coolest thing evar!

MittBorg November 1, 2012 at 11:42 pm

BWAHAHAHA! Very early Peter Jackson. He's a sick little puppy.

FeloniousMonk November 1, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Not in Louisiana, cher.

MittBorg November 2, 2012 at 12:47 am

Pas de probleme, cher.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 12:51 am

hiya! [kisses]

MittBorg November 2, 2012 at 1:00 am

Hey-o, chook! (Hugs, kisses, and other friendly stuff)

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 1:05 am

thank you. back at you.

AlterNewt November 2, 2012 at 1:14 am

Did you write that? It's good.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 2, 2012 at 1:17 am

No, UW said it won't happen on campus. Most likely it will be somewhere off the square.

MittBorg November 2, 2012 at 1:39 am

Weedlord Bonerhitler, darlz. I have me av picked out and everything. (hugs you)

bobbert November 2, 2012 at 2:05 am

I was just glancing at a map and was reminded of the fact that when I went to school, the KK was still located on State Street next to the library. Argh.

Hope it's a great rally. Damn, I hope people get out to vote for Tammy. It's bad enough that my native state decided to elect that schmuck Johnson.

BoatOfVelociraptors November 2, 2012 at 2:16 am

Nah. The writer for the show “leverage” did.

actor212 November 2, 2012 at 9:59 am

Jacob Javits? Lowell Weicker?

Goonemeritus November 2, 2012 at 10:18 am

Thanks for taking some of the heat off us less endowed mud people.

Negropolis November 2, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I don't know. Had Lincoln come from the Radical Republicans, perhaps the war would have been shorter and perhaps we would have stuck out Reconstruction instead of leaving and letting the South regress as far as it did, culturally. The North was going to win regardless. I guess very tangentially, this is like the argument that if FDR hadn't have died in office, the war might have been longer.

I guess an argument could be made that if Lincoln would have been more radical, the South would resent us even more today, but it's hard for me to even imagine that such a thing would be possible.

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