magickal incantations

Romney Crowd Will Defeat Hurricanes With Chants Of U-S-A! (Video)

Here is Mitt Romney tryna be all “MESSAGE: WE CARE” when something unexpected happens. A middle-aged white man yells “what about the climate?” (instead of the obviously more important “what about your gaffes”) and unfurls a banner explaining, DERR climate change is creating bigger and more dangerous “weather events,” and we will all just have to get used to it. Silly white man! “The climate” did not cause Killer Sandy! And if it did, why, a rousing round of “U-S-A” will defeat it once and for all! Why didn’t Michael Bloomberg just think of that? [Youtube]

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  1. memzilla

    "Message: I Care?" HAR DE HAR HAR.

    Why doesn't Mittbot just buy FEMA, and donate it back to the country?

  2. Terry

    Mitt will make sure that there are no pesky hurricanes on his own personal planet when he gets there.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Yeah but the maps app gets all screwy with that upgrade. It thinks Iran and Syria share a border.

      1. bikerlaureate

        There's righteous bags under his eyes too (at least in that still from the vid). Campaigning is heck.

    1. Negropolis

      I want to wipe it off his smug face…with votes. Yes, with actual votes, and I'll get my chance on Tuesday.

    1. Callyson

      Praying better fucking help–I pray for an Obama re-election hourly (is there such a thing as minutely?)

  3. Crank_Tango

    Yeah, but what about Nobama engineering the derpicane from his island fortress, using HAARP? And benghazi team 6 vince foster?

  4. i_AM_ready

    He's not much for thinking on his feet, is he? He had 40 seconds to think of a quip, and….went on with his speech as if nothing happened. Just stood there with that simpering smile like my Aunt Mabel. Why do people think this guy is smart?

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      He was thinking about how he could hire this guy so he could fire him a few days before Christmas.

  5. Goonemeritus

    Hey he really loves coal, you wouldn’t want him to be unfaithful to coal would you. Who are we to judge?

    1. Geminisunmars

      I saw a blah guy in the crowd standing behind him at some faux-food drive in the last couple of days. He stood out like a raisin in cream-of-wheat. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

  6. Texan_Bulldog

    Chants of 'U-S-A' tends to be the cure all for the Republicans. Your unemployment benefits run out & you can't afford food: U-S-A, U-S-A!! You have cancer & no health insurance: U-S-A, U-S-A!! I feel better already.

    1. MissTaken

      My computer was acting up this morning then I chanted U-S-A!! at it and now everything is better!

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        Percussive maintenance, aka the technical tap is the preferred solution of engineers all over the world.

          1. BoatOfVelociraptors

            U.S., Eh? is getting dangerously close to U.S. Eh? Si! and the introduction of the Amero…

          2. AngryBlakGuy

            …maybe if those seditious traitors up in the Northeast were as patriotic as you the wouldn't be sitting under 4ft of water without any electricity!!! They should have stood on the shores of the Atlantic hand in hand shouting U-S-A, U-S-A, until hurricane Sandy disintegrated into fine mist of unicorn piss!

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      Mrs. Dudley said she had a headache last night.
      I began the chant: U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!!
      She still had a headache. So it doesn't work on all problems.

  7. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Here's some "real change" for you, Mitt and the Mittbots: CLIMATE change. Have fun drowning.

    1. goat_thrower

      I went to the doctor last year and he told me I had a a low-grade glioma located in my brainstem and I only had 3 months to live. He said there was one controversial treatment he could try but he could not guarantee results. Not having anything to lose I agreed to go ahead with the treatment. My doctor then positioned himself behind me and with his soothing dulcet tones he chanted "USA USA USA" at the base of my skull. I have been cancer-free for almost 10 months now.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I tried to get my girlfriend to cure my erectile dysfunction in this manner but it only made things worse.

    2. AngryBlakGuy

      …the sad thing is that they aren't even good at starting a "U-S-A" chant. "W's" mob could slip into a U-S-A chant at the drop of the hat, these guys sputter and stall into a chant like my first car trying to start on a cold day!

      1. AngryBlakGuy

        …one time my "friend" had the clap and all he had to do was rub some prayer on it! Now it only burns when he pee's standing up!!!

  8. cousinitt

    I especially liked the part were Mittens of Mordor says, "We're going to give it to you."

    Ooooh, baby!

    1. UW8316154

      OTOH, when OHJB promises "I'm going to give you the whole load today", I blush and get kinda tingly.

      1. cousinitt

        You have a point there. A sticky, gelatinous one, but a good point. Isn't always Dems who deliver what they promise? Just ask Monica.

  9. Disassembly

    It is surprisingly powerful. Just make sure you don't say "USA!" five times in a mirror or 9/11 happens again.

    1. Geminisunmars

      Is your romney-brat avatar starting to morph into Martin Landau, or should I have skipped the 3-martini-lunch?

        1. Geminisunmars

          Yeah, looking at it didn't make me want to run and hide under my blankets. But that could have been the martinis.

    2. Negropolis

      Either that, or a scary black dude (Obama) shows up in your room an gets elected, again.

      BTW, that was a hilarious reference.

  10. Generation[redacted]

    Did you see that guy with the banner try to take away our freedom and impose government control over our lives?

  11. facehead

    Reduce Carbon Emissions?


  12. T3rbo

    Why do you have to be a climate change denier in order to be a republican? Or does it just help you get along with idiots to parrot nonsense and gibberish? Those rallies have to be like whatever the opposite of MENSA is. The rest of the Youtube video captured some dialog, which I have transcribed below:
    Cletus: I hurd Obammy is a secret nigra muslin
    Shaylene: I dun' hurd Obammer wants to tak way our jeebus!
    Cletus: Yep, Fords are pieces of SHIT!
    Shaylene: Well, them petra rikkans is nice colored folk, some of 'em!
    Cletus: Yeah, I hope I ain't get the gout, from drinkin so much Boone's Farm…

    1. prommie

      The GOP is owned by oil, gas, and coal, the extraction/energy industries. They are fighting like grim death to continue making their profits till the last last last drop of oil is burned, the last ton of coal, whatever. People often ask, "why not a new Manhattan project to rid ourselves of dependence on hydrocarbon fuels completely, if we tried, couldn't we do that?" Well, yes we could, but, you see, the dominant party is controlled by the oil and gas and coal industries, and the control is so complete you see this idiotic blatant know-nothingism science denial. They are now attacking scieence itself, just to attack climate science, such is the power of the industry over these people.

      1. T3rbo

        Wait, are you telling me that big business has somehow taken control of our government and is using it to pursue its interests at the expense of the nation? Someone should tell the Tea Party, and quick!

  13. weejee

    OT /snark

    This weekend there will be a Get Yer Rear in Gear 5K for colon cancer. This disease can strike folks of all ages, not just oldes like me and Mrs. weejee. We know too well, as our 30-year old daughter-in-law is now a 1-year survivor. She was on the local NBC affiliate today talking about her situation and her team that will be running in Seattle this weekend. It will be run in a number of cities, so if you have some time and need a bit of exercise, go out and get your rear-in-gear.

    1. StillGoinGreen

      Since I'm an atheist, I won't do the God Bless … So, I just put my money where my mouth is and made a donation to the cause on the clicky thingy you provided. As a cancer survivor myself, I wish her all the mostest and bestest for the rest of her long life!

  14. kyeshinka

    Well, did any of YOU chant psychotically when the storm was coming and try to stop it?

    That's what I thought.

    1. GhostBuggy

      Actually, WW2 was a time of great sacrifice for our country, when the public knew some luxuries had to be scaled back to <DROWNED OUT BY CHANTING, BUNDLED OUT OF ROOM BY GUARDS>

      1. emmelemm

        Why, we were asked to be judicious in our use of gasoline, as 'twas needed for the war effort! And grow our own victory gardens! And…

  15. AngryBlakGuy

    …rule #1 of being being a Rethuglican, there is nothing that can't be diffused with false patriotism. I believe that it was Lewis Sinclair that said:

    “When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross.”

    I think Mittens has both of these attributes in spades!!!

    1. doloras

      Actually, Mormons aren't that big on the cross. They surprisingly agree with Lenny Bruce, that when Jesus comes back the last thing he's going to want to see is a fuckin' cross. Which is why Mormon churches have those pointy needle things instead.

      1. AngryBlakGuy

        …I stand corrected, "“When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying pointy Mormon needle thing-a-ma-bob!"

      2. emmelemm

        I'm not familiar with this "pointy needle". I don't really want to Google "Mormon pointy needle" either…

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    If we on the left all start chanting "USA! USA!" at those on the right, will the chants cancel each other out?

  17. BeefHardcake

    The implication being, what, that if you believe in climate change, then you're not a Merkin?

    Romney can fucking have those people. I'll take the sane, rational ones, please.

  18. kyeshinka

    Say a prayer or spare a thought for that poor brave man whose consciousness has been brutally beaten out of him.

  19. TootsStansbury

    I reaaaaally dislike these brownshirted fucktards. I don't have a good feeling about this at all.

    1. T3rbo

      Yes, same here. How do you beat this kind of thinking without pandering to it? What do we do, trick a comparable number of idiots into mindlessly accepting the left leaning point of view? I think their side can make more robots faster than we can by far. To convert someone to being left leaning/liberal, you have to get them to read things. To trick someone to become a right wing drone, you have to do very little at all…

      1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        In 04 I witnessed as a supporter of John Kerry approached 2 women and said "Are you supporting John Kerry this election?" and they both laughed and said, in unison, "Scary Kerry!" and made gagging sounds and I thought to myself "Well, you can't really argue with that."

  20. Close_Read

    The man literally has no ability to ad-lib. He is not programmed for it. When he tries, teh stupid comes out.

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, to be fair, the chanting of "USA! USA!" has kept hurricanes out of Ohio for quite some time.

  22. LibertyLover

    Mitt Romney to New Jersey: "clean up your own gosh-darn lane of your football field." (Mitt doesn't swear.)

    1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      "If everyone cleans their lane, we'll get the job done." [actual Mittens quote]

      Sounds like socialism to me!

  23. StillGoinGreen

    Bloomberg Endorses Obama!

    I read: "Hey Barry, I need some muhfuckin Ferdral Benjamins, Bro!"

  24. LibertyLover

    And then they dragged the man away and let the womenz who had the "rapey thing" done to them tear him limb from limb… (I know, I know… The Handmaiden's Tale libel.)

    Oh…. and that effin' smirk….

  25. SayItWithWookies

    See, to Mitt and his supporters, the problem isn't climate change — it's people talking about climate change. If you can stop the talk about it, you've solved the problem. Now if only those women would shut up about abortion and birth control, and poor people would shut up about being poor and so on, we wouldn't have all these issues.

  26. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    As a proud member of the ill-ffated Wisconsin Uprising, I can tell you that chanting rarely solves anything. It's fun, but doesn't solve much.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Kinda like singing along to your favorite song by your favorite musician in concert. Feels good, but you ain't getting any fucking royalties, bucko.

          1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            Aw sister! I democrabeep back. Those times still bring tears to my eyes. But I'm still convinced we will see Scott Walker hauled off to prison. That's one perp walk I'm really looking forward [Forward!] to.

            Also, Whose house?

          2. YerMa

            OUR HOUSE!!

            Me, too. I literally cried with Tammy Baldwin at state convention last year… and Herb Kohl told me he loved me, but he's getting up there so may have been confused about who he was speaking to but HE SAID HE LOVED ME!!

            "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us…"

            I, too, remain convinced he'll be in jail but not soon enough.

            Not soon enough…

          3. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            "OUR HOUSE"

            You're goddamn fuckin-a right it is. They'll never take it away from us and they'll never take those memories from us and they'll never, ever break our spirit.

            And just let them try to take our beer.

    2. fuflans

      hey you guys got a couple senators recalled and got a sitting governor to face a recall. plus you laid the groundwork for bamz' win in WI.

      me and mr fuflans think you all are heroes.

      1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Thank you and thank mr fuflans and thanks to you and all the other out of state union thugs who pitched in. If nothing else, we told the world about Randy Hopper.

    3. Close_Read

      Not true! I watched your hollering from afar here in Californicatia. You and Occupy inspired me out of my complacent Blue State complacency to send moneez to your candidates, pay for pizzas to you protesters at the State Capitol, and join my local Democratic club here at home. I'd still be more concerned about yoga and tanning, our official state pastimes, if not for you WI libtards. Please keep a-hollering.

      1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Thanks for that, truly. It's amazing how many people it reached. Even though we didn't get that prick out of office, it's gratifying to know we inspired people to raise their voices and get involved.

  27. johnnymeatworth

    Sure, just like the chants of "NO RAIN!" kept Woodstock from getting muddy.

    Mittens is a filthy hippie.

  28. LibertyLover

    OT— I suppose Obama's experience in Community Organizing kinda came in handy during this hurricane crisis, huh?

        1. Geminisunmars

          Well, he will have his millions to console him after Tuesday. And what will Obama have, but a storm and wall street ravaged country.

    1. Negropolis

      Yeah, but Ralph Gilles is blah, so he's clearly doing it only because the president is blah like him.

  29. Eve8Apples

    "A middle-aged white man yells “what about the climate?” (instead of the obviously more important “what about your gaffes”) and unfurls a banner explaining, DERR climate change is creating bigger and more dangerous “weather events,” and we will all just have to get used to it."

    I was wondering where Al Gore has been this election cycle. After a few more hurricanes wipe out east coast communities and damage totals exceed 1 trillion dollars, Al Gore will finally be able say, "TOLD YA SO MOTHERFUCKERS!!"

  30. Detesticle

    I keep expecting dumb Republicans to chant U-S-B, U-S-B … but maybe that's only my I.T. department.

  31. Blunderthing

    Oh my lordie, the hurrycane will blow alla dese icky poors offa the planet and Jeebus will smite them with his trickle down wrath as he creates the jobs we need to pull out of our reckless flirtation with negro Kenyan trash mouthy hope -mongers. Amens!

  32. OneYieldRegular

    Slightly O/T, but I can not figure out how – whether Mittens is elected or not – he's ever going to extract himself from the Faustian bargains he's made to get where he is today.

    1. Callyson

      Because Mittens fears people would hear that as "I-R-A! I-R-A!" and be reminded of his financial tricks and secrets.

      1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        I wonder if Mittens hears "Tax Re-Turns! Tax Re-Turns!" Nah, that would take some sort of self-awareness.

  33. Gleem McShineys

    Mitt just standing there with his toxic smirk on, while all his supporters shout USA USA at a banner is his version of calling in a drone strike.

  34. mavenmaven

    That look on Mitt's face, just before the clip ends, is "I can't believe I'm saying this b.s. and that they are buying it".

      1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Great, now twice today I've replied to a post and then the original was deleted! For fuck's sake! I'm actually amused by this.

  35. comrad_darkness

    No No. It's spelled "USA USA" but it's pronounced "FUCKTHEPLANET FUCKTHEPLANET".

    Also: What, walk my fat ass places? Are you fucking shitting me??

  36. ttommyunger

    Mittens is such an unlikable dick and shitty campaigner that they will have to steal this election to win. Trouble is, if they do, there will be a general uproar for a Month or two, then everyone will turn back to the toob and their Cheetos.

  37. DickWharfinger

    This gerbil snuffer reminds me of Peter Sellar's smirking Merkin Muffley, the POTUS in Dr. Strangelove.

  38. Gleem McShineys

    Now I get it. When they say things like "the jury is still out on Anthropomorphic Global Warming," scientists say "Yes, it is happening" and then these guys counter with "U-S-A! U-S-A!" which, sure, is kind of non-responsive, but still.

  39. FeloniousMonk

    Editrix, you just hurt my eyes open. I usually skip the videos of Romney rallies, but decided to watch this one and found that what I thought was humorous exaggeration is STRAIGHT BLOODY DESCRIPTION. And everyone here is so blasé: "oh, it's just the wingnuts chanting again". I'm obviously too naive for Wonkette. I think I'll go and shoot myself now. (Not with votes. Good Scotch.)

  40. malsperanza

    Damn, I don't think I've ever seen the USAUSAUSA chant used as a curse before. Thank god those people are nowhere near my hometown of NYC right now–they'd be beating us with clubs, us and our mayor and our governor. Please, folks, don't tell them where the East Coast is: there aren't enough National Guards in the nation to keep us safe.

    I wonder if Romney ever has a moment, while he's standing there with that rictus frozen on his face, when he thinks, "Christ almighty, these assholes who are voting for me are a dangerous, stupid mob."


  41. lulzmonger

    That mindless chanting thing … I wonder who ELSE was big on that?

    Problem is, outside the bubble of Willard's McNuremburg Rallies, a LOT of just-plain-folks are starting to wake up & smell the shit hitting the fan.

    There may well be more Big Boss storms where Sandy came from – & I suspect Sandy isn't as bad as they'll get, either … in which case no amount of sunspot/volcano/solar flare horseshit is going to keep the Unreality Circus rolling. I think Mother Nature's just getting warmed up, as it were – & we're not going to be partying (or howling three-letter slogans) much once She hits Her stride.

  42. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I like to imagine a crowd of GOPtards, standing on the boardwalk at Atlantic City, chanting "USA! USA!" as the tidal surge arrives. Just as an experiment, to see who wins.

  43. Negropolis

    I was saying Boo urns.

    Guess what know-nothings. When you hit Mother Nature she usually hits back, and the bitch plays for keeps. Got it? Want to keep joking about it?

  44. lulzmonger

    Caught Willard telling a near-truth!

    "… we're gonna give it to the American people!"
    You can sure the hell tell he wants to.

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