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Mitt Romney, With A Week To Think About It: Only A Crazy Person Would Try To Privatize FEMA!

Political wivesHis Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, having had a week to formulate an answer to a rather pertinent question that stupid “reporters” just would not stop asking him, has finally decided what his stance on FEMA is. Are you ready to guess? Here are your options: He is for it; he is against it; he is both for and against it. OK, are you ready to test your Romney IQ?

The correct answer is: “Reply Hazy.”

First a reminder of Miffed’s previous positions on FEMA: they were, in order:
1. as governor of Massachusetts, sit on your ass until the FEMA money comes, and then don’t spend it on people’s flooded-out homes.
2. explain that FEMA’s responsibilities should be handled by cash-strapped states.
3. explain that it is “immoral” to add to the debt with natural disaster remediation.
4. privatize it.

Now? Well, you can probably parse this as well as we can, you brilliant Wonkaderos you!

“I believe that FEMA plays a key role in working with states and localities to prepare for and respond to natural disasters,” Romney said. “As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission, while directing maximum resources to the first responders who work tirelessly to help those in need, because states and localities are in the best position to get aid to the individuals and communities affected by natural disasters.”

Does it, Mittens? Does it play a “key role”? Way to go out on a limb there! How about the second part, “As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission”? Who determines whether it has “the funding it needs”? You? Paul Ryan? A death panel? We will go with “a death panel.”

And finally, nice try making nice with the “first responders”? We are pretty sure you mean “UNION THUGS” and “WELFARE QUEENS,” duh, what are personally bankrupting all the states by having pensions instead of dying old and senile in the streets as God and Ayn Rand intended.

Now let’s look at that last little bit, “because states and localities are in the best position to get aid to the individuals and communities affected by natural disasters.” Yes, we are sure Andy Griffith and Don Knotts will be up to the task when their ENTIRE TOWN is under three feet of This Water and This Sand and The Ashes and The Death.

Good answer, Your Lordship! Now you have put this to rest with some vague generalities, maybe those dumb reporters will go back to wondering about their guts.

[WaPo]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • nounverb911

    "Disaster profiteers are people too, also"
    –Mitt Romney

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Toilet paper becomes currency and currency becomes toilet paper — Actor212's Rules for Disaaster Survival.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You spelled that like a Finn.

        • PugglesRule

          His real name is Aäctör212 – but someone else in Equity already had that name.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            The extra "a" is for Actor!

        • emmelemm

          You know of the affinity of the Finns for the double vowels?

    • comrad_darkness

      2020 sees the revival of that staple of the theatre Annie, where Daddy Disasterprofiteer has his heart melted by the transsexual 10 year old he picked up in his limo-gondola while plying the waterways of Manhattan.

      • SorosBot

        But they are already working on a new movie version of that, starring Willow Smith; who come to think of it earned her career and money all by herself just like Mittens.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    "We have to outsource it over here so we don't have to outsource it over there."
    — Mitt Romney

  • elviouslyqueer

    Sounds like somebody's more than a little butthurt about Chris Christie leaving him at the altar.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      For a younger, better looking black man no less!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Once you go Black …

    • BadKitty904

      Though, based on that pic, Lyan would be delighted to step in as a surrogate bride…

      • Mittens Howell, III

        Too late, the veil's already been lifted on that one.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Meh. He sees the numbers on charts. He knows Christie is up for re-election next year, in blue state. He'll just have to get over it, won't he? If I was Christie's political advisor, I would have told him to keep Mitt at arms length once Ryan was the pick for veep.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Christie also sees the numbers, and knows that, of the two it would be much more profitable and sensible to make nice with the next President and not the contenduh.

        • Bezoar

          I'm imagining Christie as a 'canary in a coal mine'.

          • sati_demise

            more like turd in a punch bowl.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Wuh. More like a blue whale, in yesterday's sweat suit. But much as I personally dislike the guy, I give him srs props for working hard for his ppl. I don't think he slept much at all over that time. He's also coming off as very apologetic in his tone to POTUS. Like POTUS has been very gracious & forgiving about the shitload of personal insults Christie dumped on him, and Christie's squirming at the memory. It's interesting theater, fershure.

          • nonbeliever7

            Given recent events and total mass, let's call Christie the "Big Bird in a coal mine".

        • LesBontemps

          Also, Cory Booker was busy.

  • nounverb911

    To assist in the cleanup, Bain has announced that it will buy beachfront properties for one cent on the dollar.

    • IndianaKevin

      … then outsource the actual cleanup to KBR, which will electrocute soldiers who subsequently try to take showers there.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        While feeding them spoiled food and water tainted with dissolving corpses.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      More and more, they'll find themselves underwater on such properties.

    • comrad_darkness

      And then, out of the goodness of their hearts, will develop it into resort condos using federal grant money. No one will notice that the grants will add to somewhere in the range of 2x the actual cost due to excessive use of slave and illegal labor.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      2012 beachfront, or 2030 beachfront?

  • Generation[redacted]

    Don't forget the most important step. When things go wrong, blame the opposing party's governors.

  • Weenus299

    47 percent fewer people to care about, 47 percent less FEMA.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Miffed! Dang it I'm just Miffed with Willard's furry answer!!!

  • Not_So_Much

    The takeaway here, I believe, is that he won't answer any questions if they are only asked 14 times. The bar has been set. If you want to know something from the Emperor, 15 asks is the minimum.

  • Radiotherapy

    In exchange, he wants to give the State Department back to the states.

    • Beowoof

      Well it does have state right in the name, so republicans would think that wise.

    • gullywompr

      Not this week. The brave civilians at the State Department are neglected heroes now, because Benghazi, and deserve far more than they got.

      Check back again next February.

      • bikerlaureate

        February? They'll cease to be of any "interest" to Foulx Noos next week.

    • Bezoar

      For fun, let's go back to calling the Defense Department the War Department, and then give each state one. Intrade would go nuts!

  • Beowoof

    This guy's positions on everything are a case study in being a shallow, soulless, money grubbing, thieving asshole. And yet half of America seems to be supporting him. As I believe Maya Angelou said when someone shows what they are believe them. However as P.T.Barnum said, there is a sucker born every minute – welcome to Fox watching, Rush listening America.

    • BadKitty904

      “Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.”

      ~ W. C. Fields

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        What?! I thought you were born like 10 minutes ago!

        • BadKitty904

          Pshaw! It was 20 minutes ago, PLUS *huge* movie buff…

    • IndianaKevin

      "half of America seems to be supporting him" is what the media want us to believe. If they reported that 90 percent see Rmoney for what he is, they would have no basis for 24-7 breathless coverage. I'm amused that a former staple of poll data, the margin of error, has disappeared from the reporting.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Reporting has disappeared from reporting, also.

        • HistoriCat

          Not disappeared, just self-deported.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Did you know that if you put your nose in a cat's belly, they smell absolutely delicious?

            Sorry. Good drugs.

          • HistoriCat

            Sorry. Good drugs.

            Obvs.

  • Callyson

    FFS, first Clinton had to fix FEMA after the Reagan Bush era brought us the disastrous response to Hurricane Andres, then Obama had to fix it after Katrina. If Mittens gets in, he will flip flop so often that the rest of FEMA's nine lives will be long gone before anyone else can fix it…

  • PsycWench

    “I believe that FEMA plays a key role in working with states and localities to prepare for and respond to natural disasters,”
    Spoken like someone who just got around to looking up what "FEMA" stands for.

    • Beowoof

      You mean it wasn't Fucking Eat Me Ann?

    • IndianaKevin

      But he read only as far as the first line of the mission statement. Feeling satisfied that he then knew all he needed to know, he formulated his latest view on the issue. Stay tuned to this developing story.

      • bikerlaureate

        Latest view? Maybe not. That was Wednesday night's statement – has he changed his tune an odd (anti-FEMA) or even (pro-FEMA again) number of times since then?

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          AOTK.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Leave Sarah Palin out of this!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      I mean, goodness gracious – why does the federal government need a thighbone anyway?

    • shelwood46

      Yeah, it was pretty clear in his original response he had no idea what he was talking about. As one of those local first responders (fuck you, Becky, we do still have to take care of things even with a FEMA response), FEMA is a support that coordinates additional personnel and resources for us and, oh yeah, sends us money to pay for our time and equipment after the fact. They do not have their own fire trucks or ambulances or cop cars, never have, never will.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "Don't worry, folks. President Romney has sent in a team of Blackwater snipers to assist you."

    • IndianaKevin

      "We're here to help," they say to cover the clicks of their weapons' safeties.

  • katorigasuki

    i'm gonna be hella pissed if this dill-hole wins this damn thing all because Bamz hit the snooze button on that first debate.

    • bikerlaureate

      If it ends up being that close, perhaps we're in opposition to forces that can't be stopped by a reality-based minority.

      I mean, I'm still knocking on doors and making calls for the President daily, but we are fighting entropy here.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Don't stop doing what you do. We all have to do our part.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      If Asshole wins, it won't be because of anything Obama did. Anon knows that Karl Rove has been trying to spin this as a close race because that's how you steal the vote. They're watching him.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        If asshole wins, it will be because of voter stoooopid. I am cautiously optimistic however, and have somehow managed to stop obsessing about the election. It's 4 days away. Pretty much everything that can be done has been done at this point, including the baby jesus sending a frankenstorm our way that made Hopey look presidential and Mittens look impotent. (No disrespect intended to those suffering as a result of the storm- the human cost transcends politics.) So relax, my love. Fire up that bong and watch a movie. It's gonna be OK.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Thank you, darls. (Hugs you) You sure know how to make a body feel good.

  • ph7

    Regarding privatization of disaster relief:

    I may have once been present at a board meeting of an large engineering firm in which the major expansion into the provision of disaster services was discussed.

    Why disaster services? It was, by far, the most profitable of all their business lines. The explanation: government will pay any price when disaster strikes.

    Yes, privatization. Great margins can be had when a country is knocked flat.

    • BadKitty904

      US Deaths = US Dollars

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Except Haiti.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        They refused to leave a security deposit.

    • HistoriCat

      Disaster services are like war profiteering without the bother having to pretend to care about the troops.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    If this post could have an image I would opt for the fudgepacking-Mitt.gif

    There's no better representation of an incompetent loser getting his hands dirty with substance with which he has no inherent, lasting familiarity.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    The Editrix retracted her adamantium claws, and Lord Romney collapsed in an eviscerated, bloody heap.

    • bikerlaureate

      I love that vote-based allegory.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Just think what unpleasantness could be avoided if mormons mated like praying mantids.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    The upside is every time Mittz flip flops a bagger head explodes.

    • e_z

      As if..

      For the most part they do not even experience cognitive dissonance. Remember these are the units that hold signs proclaiming they want the government out of their social security.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Eggzactly. "We have always been at war with…. [checks teleprompter] … "

  • Barbara_

    I'm hoping that those hit hardest by this disaster will be from the GOP.
    If Paul Ryan manages to lose two elections on Tuesday night, drinks are on me.

    • JustPixelz

      I'm optimistic Ryan will lose. Walsh also. West. Cantor. Bachmann. But I'm normally a "martini glass is half full" kinda guy.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I would be, if were able to leave it half-full.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I have a bottle of champagne set aside for that special moment when FOX News calls it for Obama. Schaden-bubbly.

      • BadKitty904

        Hmm. I likes the sound o' that. O-bubbly!

    • orygoon

      I have a smart and likable young nephew in Janesville that I hope to see challenge Ryan for his seat soon-ish, ftw.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Me and Mrs. Kincaid went down to a Negro South Side Party Space that had been rented out for a victory party on election night of 2008. It was the stuff of FOX viewers' nightmares: an Old School R&B dance party, with Nobama on the big screen!

    • mull_man

      Yeah – Queens*.

      *the borough, not Elizabeth, Freddie, and the gheys.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I don't drink any more. Will you make me a s'more? (having inexplicable craving)

  • Detesticle

    Romney will not ensure anything as president, because he will not be president.

  • Estproph

    “I believe that FEMA plays a key role in working with states and localities to prepare for and respond to natural disasters, unless my base believes that they are all sekrit furiner Muslins who want to turn their wives into lesbians and take their guns away, unless the undecided voters believe that my base are a bunch of crackpots – in which case I will go back to my original position, unless the press tries to paint me as a moderate alienating my base – unless I will go back to my other position, unless more moderate Republicans start to abandon me – in which case I will go back to my original position… "

    Romney/Heisenberg 2012!

    • vulpes82

      Where's his cat? Is it on the roof of the car, or not?

      • SigDeFlyinMonky

        Yes.

    • walterhwhite

      I would take Heisenberg (Walter's White's alter ego, not the scientist) any day over the Mitbott.

    • AncienReggie

      Romney/Heisenberg 2012! Priceless.
      No, wait. Priceless is the wrong word. Expensive? Ah, hell. Let me just say this:

      Romney/Heisenberg 2012! FTW.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Schrodinger libel!

  • Terry

    "And finally, nice try making nice with the “first responders”? We are pretty sure you mean “UNION THUGS” …"

    Of course, many first responders do belong to unions.

    • shelwood46

      In NYC, yes. In NJ, only in the major cities (AC, Newark, Jersey City, etc). 90% of firefighters and EMTs in NJ are unpaid volunteers. No union, though we do have a state association.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    0 v
    1 v
    101 v
    0010 v
    110011 v
    0101 v
    110 v
    1100011 v

    • nounverb911

      01000011 01110101 01110100 01100101 00100001

      • JustPixelz

        (wipes tear from eye)

        You guys are the best!

      • Blueb4sinrise

        0101
        101
        101
        01111000
        0101

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        01001001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01101111 01101101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 00100111 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01101101 01100101 01110011 01110011 01100001 01100111 01100101 00100000 01100010 01101111 01100001 01110010 01100100 01110011 00100111 00111111 ?

        • Blueb4sinrise

          ^

          • Nostrildamus

            T

      • IndianaKevin

        Language!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      kkkkkkkkkk.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Criticize if you want, but Bishop Romney's Snake Oil cured my lumbago.

    • kittensdontlie

      Mitten's new start-up, Storm Relief™ , is just the right medicine for a FEMA-less world.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      And my membranous croup!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Surprised he didn't say FEMA was the largest bone in the body and that many legs depend on it.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Don't Rethugs think the largest bone is the Koch?

    • bikerlaureate

      My friend, femurs are bones too.

    • PugglesRule

      I broke my right tibia once. It was right night to my FEMA, which is a much bigger bone.

  • SorosBot

    So, as with Iran, Mitt has now changed his FEMA policy to be exactly the same as Obama's; only Obama is still doing it wrong, because black.

    • BadKitty904

      Dang, at this rate, the two of 'em may as well be going steady…

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      Mitt is not cool with Barry taking credit for his ideas.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      And Obama's lazy for acting too quickly.

    • PugglesRule

      And, because not Republican, also too. But mostly because black.

  • Lucidamente1

    "When I am president, FEMA will have all the horses and bayonets it needs."

    • Radiotherapy

      The Navy has fewer disasters than ever.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Well, he was right on about our need for more boats.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It's okay, folks. Elohim is sending help from Kolob even as we speak.

  • gullywompr

    Now, before I tell you what time it is, what time would you like it to be?

    • Detesticle

      ha. genius. true.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      I'd like it to be Peanut Butter Jelly Time.

      • gullywompr

        Damn you.

      • widestanceromance

        Bless you.

      • gullywompr

        Damn you to Hell.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Time for Miffed Money to ride off into the sunset on his dancing horse. (Hey, you asked.)

    • BadKitty904
    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      5 o'clock, please.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Clobberin'?

    • Gleem McShineys
    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      4:20?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission

    TRANSLATION:

    FEMA's mission will be to stand on the sidelines cheering on the residents of disaster-stricken areas to cannibalism. This requires zero funding but keeps my promise.

    • heathenette

      Cheering on the Disaster Capitalists, who can do the real work (of drowing the baby in the bath tub), for 100 X the price of those good for nothing government employees.

    • cousinitt

      Exactly. Everything out of his mouth are weasel words. Even weasels are annoyed.

  • Terry

    "Yes, we are sure Andy Griffith and Don Knotts will be up to the task when their ENTIRE TOWN is under three feet of This Water and This Sand and The Ashes and The Death."

    Recall that this is pretty much what Bush and Rove did during Katrina, but they added the twist of first sending help to Mississippi with it's Republican governor and letting Louisiana (Dem governor at the time) wait longer.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee
  • Lucidamente1

    "When I am president, I will restore FEMA's funding to its 1917 levels."

    • bikerlaureate

      …consistent with population clusters of the time.

      Moochers don't deserve air conditioning, much less seawalls.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Does FEMA cover Mitt's National Clusterfuck campaign?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    The answer is clear — Mitt will de-fund FEMA, return its functions to the states, save tax dollars, make disaster response more effective, work with the private sector, eliminate bureaucratic inefficiency, ensure preparedness, leverage synergies, cut the red tape, batten down the hatches, reef the mainsail, toggle the yin-yang and will do all this at no cost to the consumer. And elected or not, if anything works it'll be because they followed his advice all along.

  • freakishlywrong

    But, but, he's winning! Let's face it. Our addled stupids are still going to vote for this asshole and his sidekick. They simply don't realize what a minority they are. And they won't, even after after the election.

    • gullywompr

      No. And they will determine that the reason they lost was they were not far enough to the right, and go farther right, then lose again to President Biden, go further right, lose to Biden again, and then sell the franchise to Salt Lake, and look for new owners.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Biden/Warren 2016. I'm ordering my bumper stickers now.

        • gullywompr

          The Franken administration will be their splosion.

        • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

          If the Repubs keep self destructing, Biden/Warren's main challengers will be the Jill Stein/Roseanne Barr ticket.

  • memzilla

    Here's the Mittbot position he will switch to after he (G-d forfend) is elected:

    Privatize all FEMA functions into FEMACorp. Then allow the individual states to buy shares in FEMACorp — call them Priority Response Guarantees — while simultaneously offshoring all the disaster responder jerbs to China.

    When there is a disaster in the US, simply put the Chinese disaster responders on a slow boat to the US; that'll take about five weeks to arrive here. By that time at least 47% of the people who need assistance the most, and can affford it the least, will no longer need the assistance (read: dead).

    So, FEMACorp becomes a culling process for the 53% of America — rather, the .053% — that Mittbot says he cares about, plus a way to further disempower unions, and a massive profit center, since the Chinese disaster responders will have nothing to do once they arrive and will therefore not need to be paid (ha ha, silly Chinese laborers, you couldn't afford to hire an interpreter to read the fine print in English on the contracts you signed!).

    Simple, isn't it?

    • Oblios_Cap

      What's good for FEMACorp is good for America.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Doesn't FEMACorp have to borrow a shitload of money first, so Mitt can pocket half of it?

      • memzilla

        You're hired! Sign right here!

        • LesBontemps

          I think Bubba has already held that job for quite some time.

    • PugglesRule

      Memzilla for FEMACorp. owner manager!

    • HistoriCat

      The Republican party is interested in your ideas and would like to receive your newsletter.

    • emmelemm

      I'm reading this thread a little late, but I just want to say that this is pretty much a spot-on read of how Mitt and all the Republicans would like to run this country, and it's terrifying.

  • cheetojeebus

    I don't want to respond to quickly here.

    where's the ponies?

    • Shypixel

      The ponies are Doc's thing. His sick, sick thing.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    OT: Wonkette was just mentioned for its "snark" on "Fresh Air".

    • widestanceromance

      I recall Brian Lamb quoting something from Wonkette once, and it blew my mind.

    • commiegirl99

      Oooh, what'd they say?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Well, it wasn't Terri Gross, it was someone else doing a segment about English words Americans are now using, like "Spot on" and such. "Snarky" was another one, and the guy explained what "Snarky" is by describing the comments on sites like "Gawker, Wonkette, and Deadspin".

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        geoff nunberg, their linguist. he called it our 'patois' if i remember correctly.

        he also got a little dig in at palin.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          I wonder how many linguists are on Fox News' payroll?

          • gullywompr

            None that are cunning, that's for sure.

            Thanks for the setup.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Anytime.

  • Aridzona

    Romney would be twice as efficient as President Obama when it comes to directing FEMA efforts. After all, he only has to care about 53% of those impacted by natural disasters.

  • UW8316154

    Does this guy just consult a random answer generator when he responds to policy questions?

    • LesBontemps

      Yes and no.

    • BadKitty904

      Wednesday.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Better not tell you now.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      Reply Hazy; Try Again.

    • bobbert

      Fish.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mitt will ensure that FEMA has as much money as Mitt thinks FEMA should have, to do whatever Mitt thinks FEMA should do.

    This has been Mitt's position all along … how can you say he's being inconsistent?

  • oenspiek

    FEMA needs to be privatized! Once it's in the hands of our jerb creators, they'll create jerbs where they're truly needed: China, and India.

  • Shypixel

    Is it just me, or does Paul Ryan look like he wants to French Kiss Mittens in that photo above?

    • delaney_blom

      Where are Ryan's hands?

      It's not just you; the look on his face says, "I've been in the US House of Representatives for 14 years, but this is the congress I want to be a part of."

      • smellypossum

        Ticklin' Mitt's shit… it was a prerequisite for the VP pick.

    • One_who_wanders

      I've been scrolling through the responses looking for this. Thank god it isn't just me.

  • JustPixelz

    When people had mortgages underwater, Mittens wanted to just let banks foreclose so the market could sort it out. He felt the same way about people who had houses literally underwater: let the market sort it out with some kinda FEMA, Inc. I guess he suddenly realized people are voters, my friend.

  • pinkocommi

    Rmoney: He was for it, before he was against it, before he was for it.

  • Come here a minute

    Heck of a job, Mittens.

  • LesBontemps

    We need those FEMA reeducation camps more than ever.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Mitt Romney: "I'll say anything about anything to get your vote! Dance horsey dance!"

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    He was against FEMA before he was for it before he will be against it again.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    If Mittten's car elevator shaft was flooded you know damn good and well he'd be screaming for FEMA help.

  • StillGoinGreen

    Hey, Lord Mittens – good luck borrowing those helicopter carriers from the Utah Navy when you suffer your first hurricane disaster!

  • MissTaken

    Day One:

    We're gonna keep the stuff that FEMA does well and magically get rid of the stuff it doesn't. Just like with Obamacare – we're gonna keep the stuff you like, such as pre-existing conditions and letting kiddies stay on until 26, while magically getting rid of the stuff you don't like, such as…um…oops…what was there we don't actually like again? Oh yeah, birth control.

    Anyway, Day One! Magic!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      and Iran!

    • SorosBot

      Just like Mitt can take credit for the success of Obama's auto bailout, which was really the same as Romney's policy at the time of "let the car companies go bankrupt".

  • OneDollarJuana

    "I don 't know any people whose houses are flooded, but I do know several of the owners of the banks that hold the mortgages."

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Let's give everything back to the states! They should have their own armies and the ability to declare war! And their own currency! And their own time zones! And pollution regulations! Sure! That'll work! What could possibly go wrong?

    • BadKitty904

      Those first two options sure seemed to work pretty well in 1861…didn't they?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        It's like Socialism, it's never actually been tried! Wait.

      • HistoriCat
        • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

          Precisely. It worked so well the first time! It lasted for well over a year!

  • widestanceromance

    All Willard needs is ONE misspent penny in this disaster (which will consume 200% of FOX airtime), and he will be screaming about repealing FEMAcare, that oily sleazebag scum MFer.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    I looked up "political whore" in the dictionary and there was Romney's picture.

    • BadKitty904

      “He lies. He says one thing and does another.”

      ~ An apolitical, Dominican whore

  • Botlrokit

    And remember, no cowboy back in the 1880's ever dialed 911, or hollered for a first responder.

    • docterry6973

      Or survived an infected cut.

  • LesBontemps

    OT, but WTF?:

    Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.

    I didn't mention tards OR death.

    • freakishlywrong

      There is a ghost in the machine. I mentioned both earlier, and got rejected.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        It's kind of like an IUD, but for comments.

        • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

          There's a way for it to shut that whole thing down.

    • SorosBot

      But did you go so far as to mention shoes?

    • MissTaken

      Was it in Portuguese? We don't understand Brazilians around here.

  • http://parterre.com La_Cieca

    "And my little friend Paulie agrees with me, don't you, Paulie?"

    "Agrees with what?"

    "Oh, come on, quit your clowning! Say hello to the nice people, Paulie!"

    "Hello to the nice people, Paulie!"

    "Hey, knucklehead, cut it out! We've got a show to do here!"

    "Who cares about the show? I want to go out and find some broads!"

    "Hey, watch it, knucklehead!"

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      He's a real chip off the old block.

    • BadKitty904

      "I will now drink a glass of milk while Little Paulie sings 'De Camptown Races'!"

  • ravi_shankar

    Romney will defend (or condemn) FEMA till it’s pried from his cold, dead hands.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    "On Day One, after repealing Obamacare, I will use discretionary funds to double the current public funding of PBS and NPR. More Sesame St. and less Wall St."!

  • An_Outhouse

    Can these be the same death panels that are running Medicare? because efficiency.

  • alvinnewman

    Is Paul doing what it looks like he is doing behind that podium….?

  • neiltheblaze

    Romney is trailing Obama by 19% in Massachusetts – and that's the Rasmussen poll. (The Suffolk University poll has Obama up by 32%.)

    So – the fact that he was governor here and is, on some level, a "native son", has only garnered him 40% backing in a Republican skewed poll.

    Has any Presidential candidate faced numbers like that in his alleged "home state"? I can't think of any.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Obama up 32%. Make me proud to be a Masshole.

      *Sniff

  • LibrarianX

    What is up with the look Paul Ryan is giving Willard? Can't decide: creepy or just disturbing.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    "In a Romney Administration, decent, hardworking people will not have to guard the bridges with rifles themselves: FEMA will insure that private security contractors will keep minorities from escaping the affected areas."

  • Biff

    Don Knotts gets two bullets during times of emergency, because looters.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    they look like they're standing in front of a sinking ship.

    (i was not actually intending that to be a metaphor…)

  • lulzmonger

    "Superstorms are people too, my friend!"

  • shelwood46

    You know, as a NJ volunteer firefighter who hasn't been home since Sunday, I don't really appreciate being compared to Barney Fife.

  • ttommyunger

    Oh, Mittens, you so crazzzzy!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Mitten's plan for FEMA made sense until he got to the part about "send disaster relief jobs to low wage countries in Asia and Central America…"