and then he eated them

Nanny State RINO New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Cancels Children’s Holiday, Inpeach!

nom nom nomWe told you yesterday about the (currently unlinkable!) terrible, horrible things RINO New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said about His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney. (Namely, he told him to eat a dick, and had “no interest” in hosting him for a natural disaster photo op. Then he ate the dick of Barack Nobummer a bunch for not being terrible at hurricanes.) But what horrible thing has he done now? He has canceled Christmas Halloween! Just because of a little bilgewater/mass destruction! Instead, the poor children of New Jersey will be putting on their scary Barack Obama masks a week later, on November 5 or something — yes, Electione’en! Why does Chris Christie hate the sound of children’s laughter and joy? 

Just like a typical Nanny Stater, with their insistence on keeping children “safe” and “alive” and “not falling on downed electrical wires and burning to a terrifying crisp.” 

You know who else tried to control the calendar? The Mayans. And just look what happened to them!


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. mrpuma2u

    Fun size snickers LIBELZ!!!! How about this Chris Christie fellow! Now I will most likely hate him again in 2 months or less, but he really actually gives a crap about his constituents. He might get kicked out of the repugnantcan party if he keeps this up.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      80% of the GOP hates him because he may have once spoken in less-than-glowing terms about guns.

  2. memzilla

    You'd think a man of Christie's size would understand the importance of a holiday that involves candy.

  3. Oblios_Cap

    Why does Chris Christie hate the sound of children’s laughter and joy?

    He prefers to hear the crunching of their little bones as he devours them.

    Actually, Gov. Sammich has been acting like a decent Human Bean this week. There's something about those sweet Federal $$$ that just brings out the best in most people.

  4. SorosBot

    He was pissed after finding that Jersey's second biggest costume this year (after Snookie of course) was Jabba the Hutt.

  5. Tequila Mockingbird

    You know, after his multiple-orgasm love-ins with Obama yesterday, I just can't hate Governor FatAss anymore. Or for at least six more days.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Wait 'til next year and he starts his "Noun, Verb, Hurricane Sandy" re-election routine. I suspect I'll be feeling the same way about him I feel about Rudy.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    I'm really glad this isn't happening down here in Texas. All the boiled okra I cooked up and bagged to give the cute little tykes tonight would probably go bad by next week.

    1. PugglesRule

      I used to offer kids a choice between candy and a can of lima beans. For some reason, they always took the candy. Maybe I should have offered okra?

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        True story, I live way out in the back of beyond and for years never had any trick-or-treaters. Then one year a family moved in down the street, and that year their kids came around while I watching a ball game or something. I had to give them the nearest thing I had to candy, some Hall's Mentho-lyptus. I think they took those kids into town to the more densely packed neighborhoods the next year.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          I ran out early last year and I scoured granola bars from my pantry. My brother was visiting and he declared that grounds for arrest. Too bad I didn't know about your Halls caper, I would have said, "At least I'm not handing out cough drops."

  7. ManchuCandidate

    All Xtian Fundie Nutbags and dieticians should be cheering in the streets that Gubbiner Sammiches cancelled Halloween.

    To be fair, I'd think that the fundies would be shrieking more about Diabeetus 2 being the devil's curse than kids walking around with plastic pumpkins and women dressing all slutty.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, I actually got some shit done that I've been procrastinating over for a couple weeks.

      1. Oblios_Cap

        I just got from Mexico Beach. I didn't want to do sh*t, but didn't have a choice. Thanks, Wonkette!

  8. CommieDad

    I say they should have distributed rubber boots and told the kids to just wade through the water and step over the downed power lines.

    Christie's listening to his new libturd friends and using big gov'mt to suppress the rights of the good people of new jarsey.

  9. Mumbletypeg

    These Halloween-deprived kids are the same generation that'll figure how to get everyone's computers to dispense candy using trick-or-treat online transaction "apps."
    At that point no one need every go out into the dark and humiliate oneself ever again.

  10. Gleem McShineys

    I think he cancelled Halloween because somehow, all the stores ran out of candy right around the time he was out checking on all the damage.

  11. Tommmcatt_Again

    Christie just needs more time for his ass to catch up, 'cuz he's so fat it 's still stuck on last Thursday.

    (The fat joke is also a modern classic)

  12. TootsStansbury

    He is just allowing time for the Romney truck to arrive. What's trick or treat without all those deelish cans of creamed corn right?

    Oh and wonkette plz not to go away again, I went to WAPO talk about scary!

  13. Gurkman

    Is there anywhere in Jersey where it was safe enough in the first place to let your kids trick or treat?

  14. MilwaukeeKent

    Man I missed Wonkette today, even though I can't comment while at work, I can at least view it on breaks– most days. I have to say Christie stands as the better man among so many GOP dwarves. He done rose to the occasion. Romney camp must be flummoxed.

  15. ttommyunger

    "… he ate the dick of Barack Nobummer…" I know some certain Wonketeers who are SOOOO jealous right now. Not mentioning any names; you know who you are ;)

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