INTOLERABLE ACTS  6:27 pm October 30, 2012

Wingnut Reverend Teaches Us 3 Words Wrecking US Amercia: Tolerance, Diversity, & … Uh, Oops!

by Doktor Zoom

Yeah, it's Ziggy, biotchez. NOW I bet you miss the ponies, huh?
You know what we don’t have enough of in our great modern American U.S. society of today? FEAR. Not only is Sesame Street indoctrinating children with the dangerous notion that they shouldn’t fear monsters, the poor dears are also being told, over and over again, that they have to “get along” with “others.” Well by golly, Rev. Michael P. Orsi has had about as much of this nonsense as he can take (we think maybe he saw a white dude holding hands with an Ay-rab dude, or maybe it was a Messican, who can tell?), and he wants to set us straight (no pun intended) about a thing or three:

There are three dirty words that are being used to subvert traditional morality in Western society: tolerance, diversity and welcoming.

These words are liberally used (no pun intended) in education, by the media, and even by our Churches. In themselves, they seem quite innocuous. To the untrained ear they sound like commendable practices geared toward helping folks who are “different” get along.

The fact of the matter is that these words are being used to lull us into an amoral complacency. They are being used as the vanguard for conditioning unsuspecting minds in the regnant Philosophy of Relativism.

Traditional morality and ethics depends on religion, custom, tradition and a sense of revulsion. Obviously, the three dirty words allow for no such standards or restrictions.

Yes, he went there. There can be no morality without a very highly developed “sense of revulsion.” In fact, reading Rev. Orsi’s column, we find ourselves feeling very, very “moral.” (BOOM!)

He then carefully unpacks what each of these terrible concepts entails:

Tolerance: This word implies that, at worst, there is no measurable standard for right or wrong, or at best that we have no right or obligation to correct those in error.

Tolerance does not connote the virtue “patience,” which must be exercised in leading a person to the truth or, for example, a child to good behavior.

Oh! We KNOW this one! We wrote a whole bigass paper on tolerance for a political science class our very first semester in grad school, and it had footnotes and everything, AND it got an “A,” so we feel quite confident in proclaiming Rev. Orsi a big doodyhead on this matter. Tolerance is not utter relativism. Tolerance is a conscious political choice to put up with ideas we disagree with, or even abhor, for the greater good of another value you teabagging morons claim to like, “Liberty.” It’s the alpha and the omega of why the ACLU goes to court to protect the free speech of Nazis, the Westboro Baptist Church, and idiots like the Rev. Michael Orsi, who worries that “acceptance of the oxymoron ‘same sex marriage’” will somehow restrict freedom rather than expanding it:

Viewed in this light, “tolerance” is not virtuous. It blinds people to time-tested truth, cows people to silence or acceptance of that which they know is wrong. It is, ultimately, a politically correct way to effectively subvert freedom of speech.

Yes. Allowing someone else to believe wrong things is totally an infringement of your freedom, dude.

Diversity: This is the mantra of those who desire no unifying truth. The diversity crowd has taken over the academy.

There was a time when unity was celebrated. It stemmed from a belief in one God who revealed certain truths by which human beings were called to live. The most obvious expression of this was expressed in The Ten Commandments. For Americans, the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were designed for “E Pluribus Unam” [sic] (one from many).

Yeah, but then a bunch of filthy foreigns and negroidals started insisting on being considered part of the “many,” right? And that’s when things went downhill. Yeah, we’ve heard that song before, buddy, since the earliest days of the Republic. Yes, yes, we know — all those old prejudices were about ethnicities, but what you’re afraid of is P-E-N-I-S in the anus, which is totally different, somehow, because it’s about genitals, which you somehow just can’t stop thinking about.

Diversity usually begins in education with innocuous events like sponsoring a banquet with foods from different ethnic groups or instructing young people about various cultures. The indoctrination process moves from appreciating the lasagna, egg rolls, knishes and sushi, of diverse cultures to the surreptitious promotion of alternate life-styles which is code for “each to his own taste” in behavior.

Yes, that’s how it starts: “Here, Suzie, have some of this ‘Matzo’… made with the blood of Christian infants!” And then before you know it, nice white girls are making the beast with two backs with thuggish blackamoors, and you can’t tell the boys from the girls as they gyrate to the wild jungle rhythms of the rock and the roll!

The next step is to promote “pride” in any group one chooses to belong to, even if their preference contradicts traditional ethics, morality and good taste. While one’s taste in food is neutral in itself, barring, of course, cannibalism, (for now, anyway) how one behaves has grave social consequences. LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) pride is a prime example. Diversity, not right or wrong, is the new standard that is celebrated as a virtue. The chaos that ensues from diversity is destructive to good order in society

Yeah, we had a feeling that it was all headed toward your obsession with assfucking. OK, so let’s see if mybe the last bad word, “welcoming” is also about fear of buttsex…

Welcoming: This is a code word for “anything goes here.” It is now commonly used to indicate that whoever you are, whatever you believe, and whatever you do will not be challenged here….

Most people belong to groups to help them improve, change and be part of something greater than themselves. “Welcoming” shuns all of this since it encourages people to wallow in their smallness, to remain truculent when in error, and for those involved with religion to deny the need for redemption.

Yeah, screw it, it’s just a bunch more paragraphs about how homosex is going to lead to cannibalism, destroy civilization, and frighten the horses. And people who talk about tolerance, diversity and welcoming are really intolerant because they don’t welcome people whose traditional morality leads them to hate the ghey. Thing is, Orsi isn’t looking for “tolerance.” He’s looking for “agreement.” And frankly, we like our dirty words a lot better than his.

[CNSnews]

 
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{ 498 comments }

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 6:30 pm

We should all follow Jesus' example and just hate the fuck out of everyone who is not exactly like us.
________
(BTW Dok Zoom. I must say you are just kicking ass all over these here Wonkette pages. It's like Jimmy Newell grew up, mellowed out a bit and got about seven post-graduate degrees. I am in constant amazement and amusement over the vast quantity and stunning erudition of your shit here. I don't think we commentors mention this often enough. )

JohnnyQuick October 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Fuck knishes.
– Jesus H. Christ

nounverb911 October 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Not if you get them from Yonah Schimmels Knishes on Houston Street.

DemmeFatale October 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

What a great place.
And Gus's pickles…
And Russ and Daughters…
And Katz's deli…

(I hope they're OK!)

tracyhasfun October 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Shawarma.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Awww, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my erudite shit! Thanks!!!

nounverb911 October 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Do you get paid by the word like Dickens did?

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

You may borrow that for your (eventual) headstone:

Here Lies Doktor Zoom. His Shit Was Erudite.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Totes.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Agreed (with Caveman). In addition, your impressive collection of ponies, cartoons, old National Lampoons, and all such related items provide delicious spice to the stew.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Dirty little secret: I went and bought the DVD-ROM of the complete run of NatLamp.

I once had the chance to purchase a whole big box of the original magazines, almost complete for the ealrly 70's, including the complete "Sunday Newspaper Parody," but the offer would have required me to also adopt two elderly, obese Corgis that I really could not have provided a good home for.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I bet the DVD-ROM probably crapped on your sofa a lot less, too.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I've still got quite a few of my originals, but they are in boxes out in the garage and are probably full of silverfish. Going through that DVD really brought home to me how crucial a role it played in the development of my sense of humor.

Beowoof October 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I know I should have bought the DVD long ago, but kids and their needs have kept most of my cash tied up. Now that some cash has freed up I am off to Amazon to get it.

Mittaplasia October 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I loved their sales pitch mailer with the guy holding up the puppy with a gun to its head saying, "Resubscribe or I'm gonna' shoot this dog!'

OneDollarJuana October 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I sold an almost complete set of the '70s Nat Lamps to some guy in Alaska a few years ago. He paid pretty good money for a bunch of well-loved magazines. Once in a while I miss them, especially M. K. Brown's very odd comics.

tracyhasfun October 30, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I said you wuz my fave once…whoopsies.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I remember that! I intend to make a portfolio of similar comments to support my demands for extra servings of gruel. Or fewer beatings.

tracyhasfun October 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Is it true you are in Eye-dee-ho or did I just get that from too much booze and chocolate?

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:20 pm

The beatings WILL continue until morale improves!

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Other than the Brony shit, you have been on a fucking amazing roll ever since you started. Don't ever get off.

Wait, no, that didn't come out right.

Fare la Volpe October 30, 2012 at 7:18 pm

You're damn straight about that.

…Hold up…crap.

frostbitefalls October 31, 2012 at 1:25 am

Dok, I love you too.

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2012 at 2:50 am

Your posts rock. And if I didn't get up around vampire-thirty on Sundays I'd participate a lot more in the Sunday ones — usually so much has already been said that I'm hard-put to write something that's not redundant. So I'm glad you're posting more frequently, is what I'm saying.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 7:04 pm

I agree with the second thing Cap'n Caveman said. The first thing made me laugh.

skmind October 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Jimmy WHO?

The "Sunday Christianist Textbook of Real World History" series is simply priceless.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

If this prodigious output continues, Rebecca is going to have to change the name of the site to Dok-ette.

Veritas78 October 30, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Or I'm going to have to get a longer screen.

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 7:29 pm

O.F.F.S.

When I say nice things about FPers everyone thinks I'm a creepy stalker.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 7:49 pm

FPers?

Female posters?

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 7:58 pm

those too.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Well … you kind of are.

I mean that in a *nice* way!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Face painters?

DaiMacculate October 30, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Totally agree, have been very impressed by your work herr doktor.

BumbleKid October 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Dok Zoom for President??

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm

OK, I'll go along with that. But only if he's completely burned out on snark by 2016. Otherwise, we need him right here.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Oh, man, I dunno if I would ever get past the revelation of my family's ranch at Ponyhead.

FeloniousMonk October 30, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I think you can get by that pretty easily by claiming to know many stallions whose normal greeting is "How's it hanging, pony?" Plus tradition. Just don't say "oops" when you forget the name of a government department you want to abolish. Make it up: " …and the bureau of rainbows, hope and pots of gold".

May I join the general lovefest by thanking you for the Carlin link? I'd never heard that version. By the time I saw him in 83, it was "700 Dirty Words", and a kind of free verse consisting of rapid-fire expletives broken up by flowery phrases like "spearing the bearded clam".

slamtundra October 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Yeah, man, what Le Caveman said. You are the bee's knees, my good Doctor. The bee's motherfucking knees.

Dudleydidwrong October 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Yes. Keep it up, Dok. Stretch our minds while we stretch whatever it is that we have in our hands.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:23 pm

I know this crowd. I know DAMN well what they have in their hot, dirty little hands.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

And, Lascauxcaveman, let me just say that I'm impressed by how you slipped in "erudition of your shit here." It's a college-level word with just the right amount of vulgarity mixed in. Well played, good sir; well played.

Lascauxcaveman October 31, 2012 at 2:31 am

I have been haunting these Wonkette pages since the troubled and troubling election of ought-four, my friend. I have learned at the knee of many a master (and harsh mistress.)

Tequila Mockingbird October 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm

You mean I didn't have to eat that Jamaican Okra casserole on Diversity Day? That shit was like snotty chicken. Stupid progressive publik skool edumikashun.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Ohgeez. Nobody knows how to cook okra. You NEVER cook it in liquid, that makes it all mucilaginous.

Eww, I gave myself the terwilligeegers just thinking about okra mucilage.

finallyhappy October 30, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Really good okra- find an Afghani restaurant- usullly they make a terrific spicy okra stew- no meat. In fact, Thursday- I think I need a trip to College Park(MD) and Food Factory II(the late Food Factory I was in Ballston but then became a smelly sports bar)

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Will do. I love okra, and cook tons of it during the season (late summerish). My preferred method is to wash and then THOROUGHLY DRY the okra before cutting it. I then slice it lengthwise, but not all the way through, toss with salt, turmeric, and red chilli powder, and fry in oil to which I've added about 1 tsp. black mustard seeds and 1 tsp. kalonji seeds per pound of okra. Saute for about 5 minutes, then add 2-4 tomatoes, chopped, and cook till the tomatoes collapse. The resulting okra is heavenly, slightly crispy, dry, and spicy. We eat it by the pound.

Geminisunmars October 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Will you still love me if I confess that I put okra in bean or lentil soups? I thought not.

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 12:46 am

Dammit MittBorg, I just ate! WHY do you have to go and make me hungry all over again?!

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 12:48 am

Kalonji? Now that is DAMN ferrin. Sounds like those things Asiatics spell with.

Beowoof October 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

The only okra that works for me is in Paul Prudhome's gumbo. There it is awesome. I think the steak, shrimp and big bunches of various pepper mixes helps a lot.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Ha! Will look for it. I love tasting new things. Although now that I'm totally unable to walk (just this week, no biggie) I should probably eat carefully.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Hope you're soon back on your feet and kicking shiny metal ass.

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Awwww, Z. I wish I could bring you soup.

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 12:49 am

Still your back??? You poor baby!

MosesInvests October 30, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Cook it with tomatoes-the acidity cuts the slime.

Biff October 31, 2012 at 12:41 am

I cook it (well, I used to cook it) like aubergines. Breaded and fried. Yum!

Bodeburu October 31, 2012 at 4:50 am

Here in Asia (where it is sometime known as ladyfingers), okra is a part of many cuisines. My favorite is bhindi masala, an Indian veggie dish made with okra (bhindi), tomato puree, onions, ginger paste, cashews and green chiles, with coriander and other spices. Great with garlic naan!

mayor_quimby October 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

As a Jamaican descendant, I can assure you that we never make any goddamn okra casserole. That shit sounds terrible. And honestly, native Jamaicans don't make too many casseroles that I can think of.

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 12:48 am

No, but TBH it sounds like the sort of crap my brother-in-laws extended family in Mormonville would make up….

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Okra's all right, but I don't think anyone's watching her cable channel.

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:08 am

That's OPERA, you nut!

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 1:03 am

What's Opera, Doc?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2012 at 1:30 am
Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

You look a lot like Tamar Reid. I may be old and prone to clutching models of covalent bonds, but I'm not blind. You do know that Okra has been known to turn on its owner.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 1:14 am

Personally, I'd rather be clutching stocks and bonds, but we can't *all* be Mitt Romney.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm

"Orsi"? Sounds furrin.

nounverb911 October 30, 2012 at 6:33 pm

"Orsi"? Sounds like a porn name.

Tequila Mockingbird October 30, 2012 at 6:35 pm

"Orsi"? Sounds like a body cavity opening.

nounverb911 October 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm

"Orsi"? = Rafalca?

mille derps October 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm

'Ey, guvner- see yer dancin' Orsis here… Jes' 3 shillings…

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Orsi's ass?

Lucidamente1 October 30, 2012 at 6:44 pm

It's Italian for "bears."

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:48 pm

(Hence, the [admittedly lame-ass] pun, based on "fur".) ;0)

PubOption October 30, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I think his full name is Michael Orsi-Zass.

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I'm sensing a very strong homoerotic theme going on here…

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Well, it ought to be "Ursi," then. Honestly, how DO they expect anyone to keep things straight, er, no, wait.

Oh, fuckit.

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Dammit, I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue…

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:09 am

All Italian names end in vowels…
Except Orsi, which ends in bowels.

PsycWench October 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Does NOT sound Christian.

MosesInvests October 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Not REAL Christian, anyway. Aren't those Guineas all Papists?

PugglesRule October 31, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Actually he is a Catholic priest with 80 gazillion Catholicish credits. (google them, yo). I suspect Pope B16 is his BFF.

rmjagg October 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

it's foreign for gay ass

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Dang, I really should have included a Pony pic.

You know. My Little Orsi.

Lucidamente1 October 30, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I cannot wait to hear what the rev thinks about faith, hope, and charity.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Or the following seven words:

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

EXACTLY. I heard that phrase before. Who came up with THAT commie bullshit, anyway?

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Prolly some foreigner…

ALIVE! October 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Jew, most likely.

MosesInvests October 30, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Somebody talking from a mountaintop in the Middle East (Mt. Sinai, that is).

cheetojeebus October 30, 2012 at 6:50 pm

I hope my neighbor loves a good spanking.

Disassembly October 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Sounds kinda gay. Must mean that if we want to hate our neighbor we should hate ourselves. Abuse ourselves, you might say. Uh oh, that can't be tolerated either.

Chet Kincaid_ October 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Can I love my neighbor under an assumed name?

mille derps October 30, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Probably helpful if either of you have jealous spouses…

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 7:47 pm

IOKIYAR.

smokingood October 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Well, I'm not sure bout faith, last I checked blind faith was about the only thing they do approve of, but as for the other two, I'll go with "rebellion against 'God's Divine Plan'(TM)" and "enabling degenerate parasites."

tracyhasfun October 30, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I'm sure it's along the lines of "ew, gross."

rmjagg October 30, 2012 at 7:08 pm

they are satanic because they encourage love which is satanic

Fare la Volpe October 30, 2012 at 7:20 pm

"Never met the sluts." — the good Rev.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Well, faith and hope are his favorites, but charity is a greedy, little bitch always asking for rent money and vacation money and money for abortions.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:23 am

This is one of your personal best, I think. Layers upon layers.

Stevola October 31, 2012 at 3:04 am

Great stripper names.

nounverb911 October 30, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Sounds like a bad D.W. Griffith movie.

Chet Kincaid_ October 30, 2012 at 7:13 pm

All you'd have to do is film the 2012 Democratic convention in black and white, and replace the soundtrack with martial outrage orchestral music. Just look at all the tolerant, diverse and welcoming Coloreds kicking up their heels!! This will not stand!!

Chet Kincaid_ October 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

You know, even after he made that shitty movie, he felt bad enough to follow it up with this one, which repudiates this Orsi fellow's thesis (while not quite extending benevolence to the Accursed Negroes):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intolerance_(film)

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

It's not that "he felt bad enough." It's that the entire corpus of educated people spoke out against it. "Birth of a Nation" made him wealthy overnight. Intolerance was not just far less successful at the box office, it was also not that well made. Almost a grudging acknowledgment of the well-deserved criticism. The first one I couldn't sit through because it made my blood boil. The second one I couldn't sit through because it just wasn't that good. But YMMV.

Not_So_Much October 30, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I would've thought "TruckNutz" would be in the top two at least?

Terry October 30, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Amazing that someone could be a reverend and just stone cold ignore most of what Jesus said.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I'd say it's pretty much the norm…

Swampgas_Man October 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

A prerequisite, even.

AngryBlakGuy October 30, 2012 at 7:02 pm

…the teachings of Jesus are simply a rough guideline to the religious zealot, to which he or her can alter and twist to his or her liking! It's kinda like when you play scramble and you make up a word and hope no one calls you out on it!

BTWBFDIMHO October 31, 2012 at 12:12 am

Scrabble! I called you out!

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2012 at 3:00 am

Stop it — you don't have a mobopoly on the facts.

bobbert October 31, 2012 at 3:11 am

What the fluck?

Disassembly October 30, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Think not that I am come to fulfill the law, or the prophets: I am not come to fulfill, but to destroy.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

You won't like him when he's angry…

Jesus mad! Jesus SMASH!

Dudleydidwrong October 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm

It's called "pick-and-choose literalism" and most Revs pick-and-choose from the book like they pick-and-choose from their noses. Both make about the same amount of sense.

BTWBFDIMHO October 31, 2012 at 12:14 am

You can pick your Rev, you can pick you nose, but you can't pick your Rev's nose.

Dudleydidwrong October 31, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Maybe you can't, but their god can:
http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2000-10-10/index.h

Designer_Rants October 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Jesus was a radical liberal who was murdered by the conservative political establishment because he screwed with the exploitation of the working class.

MosesInvests October 30, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Actually, he was murdered by the foreign military occupiers after having been turned over by collaborators.

Designer_Rants October 30, 2012 at 11:59 pm

He was a community organizer and was riling up the Little People with talk of equality, and he made an attempt at his day's "Wallstreet Reform" by disrupting the money changing in the temple. The extreme inequality of that society had produced an upper crust elite, and they didn't like what Jesus was doing to their wealth-extraction business models. And since the foreign military occupiers (Romans) were more served by a desperate-yet-productive status quo rather than complete social upheaval brought on by socioeconomic reorganization, they had no problem with nailing the guy to a cross to reestablish Law & Order.

Don't worry, I'm not blaming the jooz. I could care less about religion, except when I perceive it being injected into my nation's laws.

MosesInvests October 31, 2012 at 2:28 am

The upper-crust elite, ie the priests, were collaborators. The High Priest was in fact appointed by the Roman procurator. His job was to keep the tax money going to Rome and to keep the Jews quiet. They turned Jebus over to the Romans because they thought he was stirring up rebellion, or because they feared the Romans would think he was stirring up rebellion. If it was a purely internal matter, they would have taken care of it themselves (contra the Gospels, Jews *were* permitted to put people to death for "religious" offenses, but rebellion against Rome was for the Romans to deal with). Crucifixion was the Roman punishment for rebellious subject peoples and slaves.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:24 am

Those compradore hind legs of the Herodian running dog of the Roman establishment!

MosesInvests October 31, 2012 at 2:30 am

Are you from the Judean People's Liberation Front, or the People's Liberation Front of Judea?

Callyson October 30, 2012 at 6:37 pm

the three dirty words allow for no such standards or restrictions

Does this mean that the seven dirty words have been replaced, and we can use them everywhere now? Fuck yeah!

Stevola October 31, 2012 at 3:05 am

Tits!

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Also, too, Cartoon Credit where credit is due:

See, “diversity” used to be code for “black people,” but now it’s code for “gay people.” This represents the new PC horrorshow that awaits us under a Democratic-controlled Congress. Marriage is between one man and one woman, not a cat and two mice. Sickos.

–Josh Fruhlinger, Your Comics Curmudgeon.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:43 pm

"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!"

~ Dr. Peter Venkman

rmjagg October 30, 2012 at 7:10 pm

" a cat and two mice . " ….. married , fucked and eaten – the cannibalism he warns us of …

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Marry, fuck, eat. You may be onto something here.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

WIN

Redgyal October 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

My guess is he supports the candidate who's religion only banned polygamy when it became inconvenient….because marriage is between ONE man and ONE woman.

iburl October 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Poor Ziggy… when will he either find his pants or get laid?

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I think that mission got accomplished awhile ago:
http://i45.tinypic.com/xat0h.jpg

Callyson October 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm

“tolerance”…is, ultimately, a politically correct way to effectively subvert freedom of speech.

FFS, how stupid is this guy? Without tolerance, you can kiss freedom of speech goodbye…

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

“War Is Peace”, "Freedom Is Slavery”, “Ignorance Is Strength”, etc., and other examples of Orwell's Newspeak…

Swampgas_Man October 30, 2012 at 6:57 pm

If you're in charge, you don't NEED "freedom of speech". "Tolerance" is just some malarky forcing you (assuming you're straight, white and male) to put up w/ those lesser than you.

mille derps October 30, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Tolerance AND kissing?

Friggin' liberals…

AlterNewt October 30, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Well, good then. Now neither math OR words have any meaning.

skmind October 30, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Nonsense! Words now mean the same as their opposite. Ask Megyn

So Welcoming really means Ann Coulter

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm

We shall just shuffle and grunt and point for the rest of our lives.

skmind October 30, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Shuffle means anchor baby, grunt means legitimate consent, and point means taken out of context

See? It is easy.

AlterNewt October 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

No offence intended, but I think I will rest my case.

Blunderthing October 30, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Asshats. Total asshats. Pass the Astroglide, honey, and fire up the bong.

Dr. Matt October 30, 2012 at 6:44 pm

May I suggest you fire up the bong first…..

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Astroglide is flammable???

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:19 pm

ROTFLMAO!

Slim_Pickins October 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Traditional Western morality is a form of delusional paranoia? Who knew?

Loch_Nessosaur October 30, 2012 at 6:43 pm

P-E-N-I-S into the anus is on the menu at the Greek restaurant in my neighborhood.

AngryBlakGuy October 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm

…does it come with a nice "Santorum" sauce?

Swampgas_Man October 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

P-E-N-I-S and Bupkis was his name-O!

rickmaci October 30, 2012 at 7:10 pm

ISWYD.

BTWBFDIMHO October 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I'd rather have Penne alla Putanesca on any Italian ristorante.

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:12 am

That always confused me.
None of the putans I'm acquainted with are particularly good cooks.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:27 am

:)

Wilcoxyz October 30, 2012 at 6:43 pm

My drinking tolerance is way too high. I wish I could count on just a few drinks.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 6:44 pm

lasagna, egg rolls, knishes and sushi

God damn it, I'm hungry.

rickmaci October 30, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Taco libel !!!!

BoatOfVelociraptors October 30, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I for one welcome the return of assfucking to front-page posts.

rickmaci October 30, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Buttseks isn't just for gayz anymore !!!

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

DAMmit.

Fare la Volpe October 30, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Hey hey hey, you were the sickos who invented that shit. How do you think Eve convinced Adam to eat the fruit?

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Oral, of course.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:28 am

Depends on how you define "eat the fruit."

Kiss that frog.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

nice white girls are making the beast with two backs with thuggish blackamoors, and you can’t tell the boys from the girls as they gyrate to the wild jungle rhythms of the rock and the roll!

God damn it, now I'm horny too.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I blame that ragtime music.

Fare la Volpe October 30, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Boy I say we got trouble right here in River City!

Disassembly October 30, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Black rams love tuppin' those white ewes.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:47 pm

And to think I never made it to Seattle.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Truth will out: Subsequent to the Seattle drinky thingy, the esteemed Lionel Hutz, Esq. and I discovered an affinity for boinking each other.

Wonkette personals: they're a good fucking idea.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

YAY! We now have TWO couples of boinkers!

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Three, I think. What about prommie and fakakata?

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Congratulations, you wacky kids!

Tommmcatt_Again October 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Can we count on you two to create some wonkette spawn? I only ask because I am getting oldish and need something to dote over.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

HA! Sorry, we're olds too. I may technically still be capable of producing an offspring for a few years, but, no.

Now, I haven't seen a post from anniegetyerfun in a few days, mostly likely because she has just given birth. I guess technically it's not a 100% Wonkette baby since I don't think she met her husband on Wonkette, but I'm sure the little sprog is highly dote-worthy.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Aw, you're SO sweet! I was thinking of running mind-experiments on 'em.

mille derps October 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Mazel tov!

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Well, how about that? Felicitations to da both of ya.

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

I can't wait for that personals thing to happen. I would love a nice little wonketeer to cuddle with.

Designer_Rants October 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Yay! Liberals do it best!

emmelemm October 31, 2012 at 12:32 am

Not just liberals, but pre-screened liberals full of snark! That's the best part.

trampndirtdown October 30, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Woot! for youse two.

Beowoof October 31, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I get so horny when I am in Seattle. – the full lyrics are here – http://www.lyricstime.com/the-hot-toddies-seattle

WhatTheHeck October 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Lookie here. If god didn’t want Diversity, he shouldn’t have split us up at the Tower of Babel or had Noah’s offspring marry furriners. It’s his fault.

Woodshedding October 30, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Except there WEREN'T any furriners, right? Wouldn't everyone except Mr and Mrs Noah have all drowned? Which means all these inbred morons are, AS THEY CLAIM, the chosen people, the only ones worthy of the title "human;" and the rest of us arrived on spaceships to watch the freakshow in horror. Whilst planning to eat them.

CommieLibunatic October 30, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Pfff, I wouldn't even use those Earth-lunatics to stoke the grill.

Redgyal October 30, 2012 at 8:39 pm

You do know that what they teach in Sunday school is that we are ALL descendants of Noah's children, right? Or did I miss some special lesson somewhere?

SayItWithWookies October 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Yeah, tolerance and welcoming and diversity are filthy, pernicious evils. And you know where they start? At that guy who belonged to a select, insular group and decided its way of life was so good that he was going to spread it to outside groups, despite the calumny and punishments thrown at him from his superiors, who knew better.

And it's weird — I blame this guy for being a bullying, masturbation-obsessed pedophilic woman-hater, but I probably never gave him credit for the most liberal elements of our present society, which are now condemned by church leaders — reaching out to foreigners and those with different practices and beliefs and making accommodations for them. So — begrudgingly — thank you, St. Paul.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 7:11 pm

St. Paul? He was the closeted one, right?

Fare la Volpe October 30, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Romans didn't have closets, silly. They had bath houses; lots and lots of bath houses.

succalina October 31, 2012 at 2:06 am

St Paul can suck it. He ruined Christianity. With a capital C.

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2012 at 2:38 am

Don't get me wrong, I abhor Paul — in fact, this is one of the rare occasions I don't refer to him as Saul of Tarsus. But I find it intensely interesting that current Christian leaders are condemning multiculturalism, which Saul embraced in order to spread his religion. Saul got in huge trouble with the church's elders because he didn't demand that newly-converted Christians observe circumcision or other Jewish traditions.

So said church leaders are basically identifying with the Nazarene elders (including Jesus' brother) who created the rift between Judaism and Saulism.

By the way, Saulism is the real name Christianity ought to have since, as Dispensationalists agree, the modern church's birth, if it could be identified in a chapter and verse, didn't occur during Matthew, Mark, Luke or John — it occurred in Acts of the Apostles. Thus modern Christianity was created by Paul, who never met or spoke to Jesus, and seemed remarkably ignorant of the Gospels on many occasions. It's Saul's religion, embodied by the figure of Jesus. As such, by the way, Paul didn't ruin Christianity — it was that way from the beginning.

Dudleydidwrong October 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Upfisted many times–if I could. Well said.

T3rbo October 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Yes, Jesus was all about the will to power and judgement. Didn't he command us to change our neighbors into our own image and to command those who are not of us to become like us? And Jesus said "Verily, a polluted stream is man. One must be a sea to be able to receive a polluted stream without becoming unclean. What is good? All that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself." Thus spake Jesus.

swordfis October 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Zarathustra – is that you?

Fairtackle October 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

"There are three dirty words that are being used to subvert traditional morality in Western society: tolerance, diversity and welcoming."

Jesus could not have said it better.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I think that's a quote from Jesus' book, "Mein Kampf"…

cheetojeebus October 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

With Homo you get eggroll.

qwerty42 October 30, 2012 at 6:48 pm

How does the good rev feel about the Cardinal Sins? Specifically, the sin of Pride?

qwerty42 October 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Cardinals? I do not know these so-called "Cardinals". Isn't baseball season over?

PubOption October 30, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Chances are that he hates the Catholics, especially the higher orders.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Isn't Cardinal Sin the Cardinal of MetroManila?

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm

This is fucking intolerable.

CommieLibunatic October 30, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Whoa Doc, I never had a problem with ponies. At least, not around here. What irks me is just a brony in the family who's also a hyper-Christian. Let me say that again: I know a guy who condemns gheys and all that, but loves a girly show with rainbows and friendship.

If you look to the right of the tour bus, you'll see my brain full of an unnatural amount of fuck.

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 7:08 pm

You think that's bad, try meeting the gay furry republican.

And no, this is not a joke…

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 1:11 am

Ahhh, I'll never forget that panda. Fun times around your Wonket. http://wonkette.com/408848/pennsylvania-legislati

And for all you Wonketteers who were around in those furry days … You might have noticed in the recent Pennsylvania Supreme Court battle over voter suppression, that the Court only had six, rather than the required seven members. That is because Justice Joan Orie Melvin was suspended pending multiple criminal charges. Those charges were made related to her sister, State Senator Jane Orie, being convicted of 14 counts of theft of services, conflict of interest, and forgery related to illegal Republican campaigning. And who is State Senator Orie? The panda's boss!

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 1:15 am

…I…was actually talking about something completely unrelated…but god-DAMN that's pretty bad too…

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

When I was young, this old creepy guy on our block asked me if I ever tried lasagna. I ended up as his sex slave.

Disassembly October 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Job created.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm

At least you were well fed.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:44 pm

See, if he'd taught him to make lasagna, he could cook for Garfield.

rickmaci October 30, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Were you an alter boy?

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

No, it was in the basement.

rmjagg October 30, 2012 at 7:13 pm

was the lasagna worth it ?

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Not really, but the buttsechs was awesome.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm

That's how it starts. Fucking lasagna.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 7:39 pm

(Note to self: Make Lasagna for wife tomorrow.)

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

(Note to self: make and freeze a month's worth of lasagna)

Fairtackle October 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Better than the cheese burns you get with pizza … or so I hear.

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Hot Pocket™ or GTFO.

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm

You wouldn't happen to still have teh recipe?

nounverb911 October 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I don't think the Cardinals were proud at all of their loss last night to the heathen 49ers.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Well, their play was definitely a sin against football. I bet Alabama could whip their ass right about now.

qwerty42 October 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Perhaps you are thinking of cardinal numbers? These "49'ers", well, "49" is a cardinal number (but not a prime number, but I digress).

PubOption October 30, 2012 at 8:14 pm

To be consistent with their name, should the baseball Cardinals refer to base 1, base 2 and base 3?

Tommmcatt_Again October 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

"He called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth." – Matthiew 15:10

Might want to think twice before you ion your pie-hole, Mr. Orsi.

Redgyal October 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Um, that passage it about oral hygiene. What comes out of your mouth is the stuff that gets stuck to your dental floss. Ask a priest.

Tommmcatt_Again October 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I'm not going to have a conversation about anything oral with a priest, thank you very much. Given that I'm older than 14 I doubt a priest would discuss the topic with me anyhow.

(Pedophile priest jokes never go out of style).

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Never.

What does Father Murphy give for anal sex?

Tommmcatt_Again October 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Hehe what?

coolhandnuke October 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I have a zero tolerance policy on religions with a zero tolerance policy.

T3rbo October 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

And really, can't we let these assholes have their own country to fuck up? Greenland, part of Siberia, something? The worst thing FDR did or didn't do was not ship these fucks off to Germany before we got into WWII to volunteer for Hitler's army. Hate socialism and the New Deal? Free boat ticket! Now we have half a country of people that really believe this bullshit when we could have let these guys and their progenitors fight for what they believed in to crash like a hate filled ignorant wave against Stalin's army. Missed opportunity…

GeneralLerong October 30, 2012 at 8:29 pm

I suppose it would be bad to fantasize about shipments of fattened long pork to certain parts of Polynesia, where The Old Gods linger on in remote islands unvisited by yachties.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

PNG. They *might* have stopped after the outbreaks of kuru, but some areas are pretty fucking remote, and they might've just et the messenger instead.

T3rbo October 31, 2012 at 1:14 am

They know to beware of commies bearing gifts

CommieLibunatic October 30, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I'd go with the more peaceful option ofletting Canada annex the coastal states, but to each his own (like a proper libtard would say!)

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 1:13 am

I'll drink to that. I'll even move!

T3rbo October 31, 2012 at 1:15 am

No way, it's my country, they need to GTFO, not me…

Redgyal October 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

What about Lincoln? He missed his opportunity too.

T3rbo October 31, 2012 at 1:17 am

Ironically, Ken Burns is on Letterman right now. Germany would have been safer, you don't want the fascists to go against you in a civil war, end up like spain…

Schmannnity October 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

What about the danger of the so-called graces? Faith? Gateway to Sharia law. Hope? Obama, Duh. Charity? Code for socialism.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I'm just always impressed at how fluent everyone here is in Teabagese.

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Google has a new translator.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:46 am

(hug)

AngryBlakGuy October 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

…wow, isn't this the same thought process as racist who claim that black people are repressing them, despite the fact that their racial group makes up 75% of the countries population?! Or the same racist bastards that claim the Mexicans are taking all of their low paying, back breaking, life shortening jobs, that they didn't want in the first place?! Now we have this self righteous son of bitch claiming that allowing people to be themselves and be proud of it is some how infringing on his god given right to be stale bag of donkey shyt! This man is obviously DEEPLY closeted!!!

Tommmcatt_Again October 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

OMG, it's you, you sexy beast. How's every little thing?

AngryBlakGuy October 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

…everything is fine, just enjoying some vacation time(pronounced: 7 day alcohol binge-fest)

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 1:15 am

We miss you around here. Have a great vacation.

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Hate to be a rhetoric Nazi, but here is an obvious category error in your use of "thought process" in this context.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 30, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I'm guessing the Rev hands out bibles (rewritten by him) or circus peanuts for Halloween. I'm not sure what is worse.
http://frontroweats.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/c

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Wow, man, those aren't even real peanuts.

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:17 am

Circus peanuts are only slightly tastier than styrofoam peanuts (or slightly worse, I can never remember), but my guess is that the good Rev. gives out Jack Chick tracts for Halloween.

Come here a minute October 30, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Department of Energy.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I'm intolerant of intolerance. Bad or good?

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Depends on the *kind* of intolerance.

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Depends on whether you are graduate English student.

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Yes.

chascates October 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

"Whatever happened to Peace, Love and Understanding?"

weejee October 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Got thrown under T'Paw's McCotter's Cain's Bachmann's Perry's Santorum's Gingrich's Paul's Rmoney's bus.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

All three of them are watching the detectives.

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 11:19 pm

It's so cute.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:35 pm

It was too funny.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Since

a) noted British philosophers N. Lowe and E. Costello both queried "What's so funny about peace love and understanding?"

b) the Brits, as a people, are noted for their astute senses of humour (viz. Python, Monty, Hill, Benny, et. al.)

I posit that perhaps Peace Love and Understanding wasn't funny enough.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Hey, senor, that's astute!

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

For some reason, the first time I heard that it was as "ass-toot."

SHUT UP DOCTOR FREUD is why.

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Republicans.

trampndirtdown October 30, 2012 at 11:39 pm

They were traded for Cheap Rewards.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Whatever happened to peace, love and understanding?

ETA: DAMMIT! Not fast enough.

Woodshedding October 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

You have to hand it to the 1% and their stunning success in creating a whole class of people with negative IQ's.

GeorgiaBurning October 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm

That way you can hire half the working class to shoot the other half.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I suspect Dok Zoom is secretly writing articles for CNSNews just to post witty ripostes here.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Ah-HA! Busted!

mille derps October 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Some would rather double dip than double down…

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:35 pm

One thing's for sure, I would never speak Double Dutch to a real Double Duchess.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 7:56 pm

But you'd step on the brake to get out of her clutches, at least?

(This thread is developing a nice EC sub-thread wouldn't you say?)

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Every day
Every day
Every day
Every day I write the blog.

DemmeFatale October 30, 2012 at 7:00 pm

WELCOMING?!
Huh?
Is this some kind of dog whistle I haven't heard before?
Since when is "welcoming" up there?

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I think it's up there right next to "Ewww".

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:19 am

As far as I can tell, he thinks "welcoming" means being a catcher.

HarryButtle October 30, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Yes, he went there. There can be no morality without a very highly developed “sense of revulsion.”

I revile you, Rev Orsi, does that count?

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 7:13 pm

This must make me a very moral person.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

You revolt me, Rev(olting) Orsi, does that count?

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Maybe not, as you would not require a "highly developed" sense of revulsion to be revolted by Rev Orsi.

tracyhasfun October 30, 2012 at 7:02 pm

As someone who used to teach diversity to white kids in the PNW…some of this sounds very familiar…hm…

"Why do we have to accept others the way they are? It's weird! Don't they want to speak American? They should have to accept us!"

If it was a paper, you could replace "accept" with "except" at random intervals. Buh.

weejee October 30, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Yeah, it's Ziggy, biotchez.

Needs moar Fat Freddie's Cat.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 7:04 pm

"a big doodyhead"

That reminds me. Whatever became of User of Owls?

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I was wondering the same thing today. I do recall a lot of accounts with similar names (best: User of Towels). Maybe the fame drove Owls underground?

LagunaB October 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Go to photobucket. Search for extemporanus. Below – No matches found – will be – click to see this user's profile. Click. Look at most recent upload. He was doxed.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:53 am

And threatened, too.

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 1:20 am

That's not very welcoming.

decentcitizen October 30, 2012 at 7:06 pm

So you're free as long as you agree with Orsi. And it's alright to welcome as long as they're the same as you (and thereby they have nothing to offer you or you, them). And diversity is just an excuse to have sex with people you shouldn't. Got it.

boskolives October 30, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Depends come in colors? I always wondered why they didn't come in yellow or brown. Follow that logic train down the tracks,

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 7:18 pm

No, thanks, I know the ending and I don't have a paddle.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 7:07 pm

How fucking vile. Now, do we all have to get rid of our "Welcome" mats out by the front door? If I move to a new neighborhood, will I get a visit from the Revulsion Wagon?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Get a mat that says "I Got Mine: Fuck You!"

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Heh. "Revulsion Wagon"

I seriously LOLed.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

"Revulsion Wagon" = Egg on Rafalca a la Lady Godiva?

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I liked the New Yorker cartoon with a door mat that said "Not Unwelcome."

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I suppose it would be the Unwelcome Wagon.

Chet Kincaid_ October 30, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Corsi? Orsi? Is there another one of these dumbshit commentators named "Horsi" too?

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:20 am

That's Rafalca's pen name.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm

To turn the snark off for a sec:

I'm constantly and sincerely amazed by the lengths to which these people will go, the depths to which they will sink, in order to find things to be afraid of. Are their lives truly based entirely on fear?

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm

For some, it's a very, very, very, VERY small world…

Callyson October 30, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Are their lives truly based entirely on fear?

Of course not–their lives are also based on hate and shame. Assholes.

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 7:28 pm

That makes me sad. :0(

Callyson October 30, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Me too…

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Oh, if you really want to feel sad, consider this:

They have kids. And they send those kids to schools using books like World History And Cultures In Christian Perspective.

Now, before you lose all hope, keep in mind also that a pretty fair number of those kids hit adolescence, start thinking about this nonsense, and say "Fuck this, I'm going to go hang out with the Science Club kids."

AlterNewt October 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I've mentioned here before, that my niece and nephews adapted pretty quickly and pretty well once their mother took them out of that environment
It's too artificial to sustain itself in the light of reason.

Don't despair.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

(Hugs Dok Zoom) He's right. I was one of those kids. Raised by a very paranoid person who was probably bipolar. Some of us make it safely over to the *sane* side.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Sure, fear, hate and shame are get them out bed in the morning.

But what they *really* love to do is hypocrisy.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:35 pm

They don't so much as love to do hypocrisy as it just happens to be a natural and noxious byproduct of their ideological existence. Hypocrisy is like a bad, wet, and smelly fart.

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 1:00 am

It's what happens when you try to shoehorn complex human beings in to narrow ideological containers. There's spillover. And it's often messy.

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm

It's hate. Really, just hate.

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 1:24 am

Based on fear for some. But based on getting over if you're in the 1%. And the fearful are nothing if not willing to comply.

Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king.
And the king ain't satisfied 'til he rules everything.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Somebody somewhere once said to me "People fear the beautiful things they don't understand."

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Surely, that must make for a bitter and unhappy life… :0(

Geminisunmars October 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Well, Gingrich, Joe Walsh, Rove, Cheney, and the hundreds of others that have filled the (virtual) pages of Wonkette do not seem like happy people in the least, do they. Well, maybe Marcus Bachmann, although I think he is more festive than happy.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:56 am

I think you mean "gay," dear. Marcus is definitely more *gay* than *happy.*

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:22 am

Yes, but it's a bitter, cramped, unhappy life that they actively chose and aggressively pursue every single day.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Yes. Next question?

Srsly. Fear is the very root and basis of their lives. It informs all their thinking. Be afraid, especially of the other, for they seek ways to do you down and dirty and take all that you hold dear. It's very difficult to let go of that kind of thinking when you've been steeped in it your whole life. It takes a rare courage to step out into the world and trust that it will not hurt and kill you.

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 10:37 pm

White nationalist and racialist theories of the 19th and early 20th century are being eased back into public discourse like a pear of agony, or maybe it was an Iron Heel, up Jack London's socialist but well formed ass.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:37 pm

In the venerable words of Master Yoda, fear leads to anger, anger to hate, and hate to suffering. The path to the dark side, this is.

Bodeburu October 31, 2012 at 5:00 am

I know these people have always been amongst us, but since the advent of wide-spread electronic communication, their reach and influence has expanded exponentially. When you go from tent revivals to televangelists, this is what happens.

snowpointsecret October 30, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I am very proud to be a person he'd obviously hate.

a_pink_poodle October 30, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Why are liberals so intolerant towards people who are intolerant of everyone? :(

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Yes, they are so welcoming of the intolerance intolerant.

Mittens Howell, III October 30, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Rev. Orsi,

I tolerate your idiotic views because I believe in diversity
yes, fuckwits have a place in a society too.

I welcome you with open arms.

rickmaci October 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm

You know who else thought knishes were ruining civilization and the proper order of things?

BadKitty904 October 30, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Czar Nikolas II?

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Hitler.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

This time, you're right!

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Once out of a million isn't TOO bad, is it, emm? (Hugs em)

I am SO happy for you and Lionel!

emmelemm October 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Thanks, you're a doll.

Geminisunmars October 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

My Zeyde.

Oh, wait. That was only my Bubbie's knishes.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

You're back!

Geminisunmars October 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Does that mean you've forgiven me for eating moist okra? And bearing (baring?) filet mignon for the dogs.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Of course! As your Internet/Astral spouse, I am obliged to forgive you anything. At least I think I am. I might wag an intolerant finger once in a while.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Every European leader in the first half of the 20th century, ever?

MosesInvests October 31, 2012 at 2:13 am

The Emperor Hadrian?

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Orsi, huh? Really, Jerome Corsi, that's not a very subtle nom de plume.

mrbubb October 30, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I have decided to follow the Rev. Orsi's precepts. Dear Dr. Orsi — got eat a bag of d!cks.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Dicks are allowed here.

zedbot October 30, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Fuck that guy.

Designer_Rants October 30, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I'll just continue to eschew any and all church services so that I don't fall into the trap of "tolerating" snakeoil salesmen, like "preachers".

AddHomonym October 30, 2012 at 7:32 pm

What? Lasagna is bad now? Foreign? Some kind of gateway food? I guess hamburger sandwiches are too German, then.

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 1:18 am

Would you like Freedom Fries with that Liberty Sandwich?

smellypossum November 1, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Careful you don't reach the hamburger tipping point: Eat one too many and you'll have an urge to invade Poland.

deanbooth October 30, 2012 at 7:41 pm

We had a guy at work who we fired for undermining other people's work. He had a computer wallpaper which pictured a dozen handguns with one large word in the center: DIVERSITY. It turned out later that he had put a time bomb in his code, set to break it if he wasn't around. * cough * christian * cough*

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm

This one? (note the filename…and the weirdass "African" coloration of the word "diversity")

deanbooth October 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

If not that one, very similar.

We discovered a threatening email he wrote, and when we went through his other emails we found he particularly didn't like his black and female managers. There was some concern he might go postal.

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Wow. That's really creepy.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:54 pm

One time I was leaving the office with a bunch of colleagues to go eat lunch at this cool little Thai place, and we passed a poster near the lift that said "If you see this person on campus please contact Security immediately." It was one of our erstwhile colleagues. I LOL'd at the "joke," until the security guard pointed out that it *wasn't* a joke. Apparently, the guy had called his boss to tell him he was coming to the office with an Uzi.

We had lunch in the cafeteria.

PubOption October 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm

He must have been a follower of this guy:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/10/25/former-repu
As seen in Wonkville.

BumbleKid October 30, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I don't know you guys. I found Reverend Orsi's argument to be factual, reasonable and extremely convincing.

Also, I'm lying.

BTWBFDIMHO October 30, 2012 at 7:48 pm

He's lucky Nino Benvenuti is dead.

mavenmaven October 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Personally, I think what society needs is a return to taboo laws of purity, ritual sacrifice, and perhaps some stonings.

BTWBFDIMHO October 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm

What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 11:40 pm

It's one of my favorite lines in a song, ever. God if that girl wasn't witty as fuck.

"The only time I hold your hand is to get the angle right."

rocktonsam October 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm

those three words are on a sign in front of my ELCA lutheran church. Now I get why there are gheys, blacks, messicans, along wth scads of awfully friendly people in there.

I can see why this guy would have his shorts in such a bunch

chascates October 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Two other bad words:
Mike Huckabee: Vote Against Equality And Choice Or You’ll Go To Hell
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/10/30/1109591/

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Oh, Ziggy. Will you ever win?

DerrickWildcat October 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Oh yeah, this article reminded me that the new, Toxic Hate , "Poisoned Nations Holocaust" is out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y7J-oGY0po

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

I would not have pegged you as a fan of Mexican Death Metal, Derrick.

DerrickWildcat October 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Well the problem with regular death metal is that every now and then I can understand a lyric or two. But with Mexican death metal, I don't have that problem.

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Remarkably enough, this tune is exactly as comprehensible as American death metal. In fact, it's functionally identical.

Hey, I've been in garage bands.

Beowoof October 30, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I would bet he has a giant dildo at home and his wife rams him regularly Ted Hagard style.

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:27 am

Um, yeah…
"wife".

Beowoof October 31, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Sorry obscure snarking back to an old Ted Haggard story, where Ted denied he was gay, but then there were reports Ted was getting butt secks regularly from his wife. Those stories came out right after the gay prostitute drug dealer outed Ted.

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Goddam Crazy Eyes was in a DEBATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/10/30/1152697/

The Nov. 1 event will be in the studios of Minnesota Public Radio in St. Paul and air from 11 to noon across MPR's statewide networks.

Tthe final debate will be televised in the studios of KSTP Channel 5 television and air from 10 to 10:30 a.m. during the "At Issue" program.
http://stmichael.patch.com/articles/michelle-bach

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Livebloog!

chascates October 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I second that nomination! Shelley may be in trouble.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Oh, frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
He chortled in his joy.

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Hey chortlin' Borg, howzit?

MosesInvests October 31, 2012 at 12:02 am

Brillig!

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 1:25 am

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back!

littlebigdaddy October 30, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Wow, a wingtard who knows that "oxymoron" is not that stuff that grandma takes and her son steals…I am impressed.

cousinitt October 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

"Most people belong to groups to help them improve, change and be part of something greater than themselves."

Like belonging to a Christian church? To be part of God's Kingdom? That kind of group belonging, wanting to part of something greater like, I dunno, the ENTIRETY OF CREATION? Be like the most perfect person EVAH–J.H. Christ, not-Esq.? LIke that?

Self-awareness, how does it work?

Redgyal October 30, 2012 at 9:08 pm

He would not like the citizens of The Republic of Trinidad and Tobago much either. http://www.news.gov.tt/index.php?news=178

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Well, there's nothing in there about teh ghey, so they may be OK. But as a former British colony, they have demonic socialized medicine.

Redgyal October 30, 2012 at 10:50 pm

True. I was hoping the words Discipline, Tolerance and Production would stand out. Also, the part about it being a multi-ethnic country. Also the part about the national anthem saying " here every creed and race find an equal place". All of that may not be his cup of tea.

Dudleydidwrong October 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

How long will it be before Fr. Michael Orsi is caught on Liberty Island trying to chisel the words off of the bottom of the Statue of Liberty? None of this "tired, poor, …huddled masses" heresy. With a name like "Orsi" I'd bet that some of his forebears were shit on when they got off the boat. Forget stuff like that, Orsi? Asshole!

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I'm used to my self-defeating hate from the pulpit being composed on a 4th grade level. This is some pretty well written stuff. Has John Derbyshire finally found his Howard Prince in Orsi?

proudgrampa October 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

This kinda shit just leaves me speechless and exhausted. Thank you, Doktor Zoom, for bringing it to my attention.

Carry on.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Always happy to spread the pain.

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

3 words, I discovered, much to my dismay, that cause revulsion: This look infected?

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Wait till you see the bakery goods on offer at the symposium on infectious diseases hed recently. Nothing like a scone that looks like a pus-laden, maggot-infested runny oozing sore.

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:31 am

I have a lifelong seething hatred of that drippy white icing that goes on top of cinnamon rolls and coffee cake. It dates back to the days I worked in a restaurant kitchen, and we used to get huge 10-gallon barrels of it from the food service supplier. If there's anything more sickening than prying the top off a vat of syrupy white goo, and having that overpowering sweet smell sort of… bloat out at you… I don't want to know what it is.

iburl October 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

E Plurbis Kolob

mille derps October 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

OT: Here's a little something for you Errol Morris fans: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/30/opinion/errol-m

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 2:12 am

"A wasteland" gal @ 1:20 struck me as awfully cute. Then I ran it again to check the time mark, paused it, and realized I was looking at a face with similar features to my ex's (but longer hair, for you Melissa Etheridge fans).

Make of that what you will.

EDIT: And, of course, Errol Morris freakin' ROCKS

BloviateMe October 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Proof that the second coming of Jesus would result in a second crucifixion.

There's times when my atheism feels like a warm blanket.

Negropolis October 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Tolerance doesn't mean what he thinks it means. Not only does the word not require moral relativism, but it literally speaks to a division of something and the shoring up of one's own ideas and beliefs with the only positive attribute of the word being that you don't try to surpress the rival division(s)' ideas and beliefs.

Tolerance has always been a very strange word, IMO, as it relates to the left. Tolerance has always struck me as a far more conservative-feeling word than how it's used, today. To 'tolerate' something is to show self-control to something you view as inferior or undesirable. Sounds conservative enough an idea, to me.

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:46 pm

"Tolerance" is, interpreted literally, a slightly unadmirable characteristic. Certainly better than blanket "intolerance"; but, as you say, it connotes putting up with something that you really do not like, in the spirit of fair play.

On the other hand (and by now you probably realize that I live in OTOH-land), tolerance is frequently the best we can hope for. We live in a heterogeneous world. Our choices are blanket acceptance of all persons and behavior (which I know I cannot do), blanket rejection of all except preferred persons or behavior (may work for a few extreme wingnuts), or some kind of tolerance.

I don't think tolerance is a "conservative" idea. I think it arises from the realization that there is a higher-order good — e.g., a functioning civil society — that will benefit from your self-control.

That said, tolerance does not mean what he thinks it means, which is, roughly, worshipping the Devil.

Negropolis October 31, 2012 at 12:10 am

You put it better than I did. My only point is that tolerance isn't some kind of squishy, touchy-feely leftist.

You know, I typed out that post far too quickly, as I was really hot over his terrible and non-sensical defintion of the word tolerance. I totally forgot to make the distinction between the literal definition of the word, and the modern and socio-political practice of the term. You are completely correct. The literal definition doesn't fall belong one ideological spectrum or another in our modern politics. The practice, however, seems to have both been attributed and self-attributed to liberals. Truth be told, liberals are much more comfortable with, and wanting to, celebrating differences as opposed to simply tolerating them. Even the modern practice of tolerance seems to be a compromise with conservative ideology.

Tolerance is certainly something one has to do to get throuogh life. But my feeling is that conservatives probably think far more in the vein of tolerance in how they view the world than liberals do. I tend to think that liberals find far more enjoyment of humanity. I try to walk around enjoying things, and it bothers me when I can only tolerate something.

Chet Kincaid_ October 31, 2012 at 12:21 am

I look at it differently. Tolerance, to me, has always meant a kind of maturity that admits certain kinds of differences are not worthy of being demonized. It is not the blanket acceptance of all differences, actions, ethics and attitudes.

bobbert October 31, 2012 at 1:26 am

That is an excellent, and concise, way of putting it. Some differences are not worthy of being demonized. I hope I didn't portray it as blanket acceptance; I was trying to present that as one of the extreme alternatives.

Chet Kincaid_ October 31, 2012 at 1:43 am

Thank you! Although I keyed in on that phrase, I wasn't opposing what you wrote, just trying to reason through my own thinking about it.

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:35 am

I think it's probably because the US is still a melting pot. I'm sure there are people on the train/at the grocery store/in the park who are offended by my beliefs/practices/T-shirt slogans. Tough shit. I'm offended by some people's music/fashion sense/Axe body spray, but at least I realize that I don't have any say in the matter. Anybody who doesn't understand that probably shouldn't be going out in public.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 1:05 am

Now WHY can't the RWNJs understand and practice this? We don't need them to *love* us. We just need them to understand that the price of admission to civilized society is the toleration of habits/beliefs/practices that we do not share or care for.

bobbert October 31, 2012 at 1:28 am

And this is why "tolerance" is still a worthwhile concept.

decentcitizen October 31, 2012 at 1:10 am

I agree that tolerance is different than acceptance. It's as if being tolerant involves bestowing some benefit that is otherwise undeserved. Acceptance I can roll with because I'm simply recognizing the dignity the person's entitled to -except if you're a wingnut. Then fuck you.

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 1:56 am

As one of my favorite examples goes, I tolerate her eating crackers in bed. But I don't tolerate her, I love her.

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Had to share this brilliance from LGM thread.

DocAmazing says:
October 30, 2012 at 4:39 pm

The slogan that the Obama campaign might want to bring out:

“If you built it yourself, rebuild it yourself.”

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 1:38 am

Brilliant!

Troubledog October 30, 2012 at 11:28 pm

You know who are really intolerant? Hippies.

I was in my car, waiting for the Bainbridge ferry. Took one last pull on my cigarette (I used to smoke) and let it fall from my fingers to the pavement. In my side view mirror, I watch a hippie get out of his Subaru four cars back.

This guy is the full on militant kind of hippie with a bias for action, like guys that like free lab rats and hammer spikes into trees. He picked up the smoldering stub of my Camel, held it in front of my face, stared me in the eye until I took it from him. His sense of revulsion was palpable.

So, he and the Rev are 100% in agreement on "Tolerance: This word implies that, at worst, there is no measurable standard for right or wrong, or at best that we have no right or obligation to correct those in error."

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:37 am

I didn't read past "Camel".
that used to be my brand.
I haven't smoked in decades, but I can still recognize Camels by the smell, and sometimes I still miss them.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 1:06 am

Yeah, every now and then I feel a powerful pang of longing for a rokok kretek myself. Been about two years now.

bobbert October 31, 2012 at 1:34 am

With all due respect (which is considerable, because I have seen many of your comments here), fuck off.

There are, I'm sure, intolerant hippies. Having been a tolerant hippie for some years (some years ago), and knowing plenty of them, your anecdote strikes me as a serious over-generalization.

Lascauxcaveman October 31, 2012 at 3:17 am

Yeah, some hippies just want to kick some ass.

You probably think it's easy sitting around all day, in that filthy, unheated singlewide all day, with that godawful incense burning, listening to some ugly, skinny crazy broad who smells nasty and doesn't shave her pits, chanting off-key chakras at the top her lungs all day, with a couple of filthy, screaming, out of control ADD brats (who probably aren't even yours – I mean, red hair? Where the fuck did *that* come from?) running around all day naked and torturing the dog, with nothing in the house to eat but stale organic rolled oats and wormy green apples "gleaned" (stolen) from some neglected nearby farmstead? That sound fun to you? Huh!? DOES IT, SMOKY BOY!!?

You're lucky you already had that window open, Cigarette Boy, so that dirty hippie didn't put his fucking fist RIGHT THROUGH YOUR GODDAM WINDOW AND STRAIGHT ON THROUGH YOUR GODDAM SMIRKING, SMOKING, LITTERING FACE!!!!

(Can you tell I'm actually very familiar with Bainbridge Island?)

StillGoinGreen October 30, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Three things to remember:
1. It's Messcan, not messican – get it right
2. Fear is a liar
3. Buttfuckin is only gay if it is done by gays – not if it is to prove your dominance over… someone..; GOD BLESS AMERICA!! FREEDOM!!

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I once uttered a sad from the pulpit. It was yuuuuge. You ever hear of the Day of the Lizard.? I built that.

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 11:42 pm

There's a vibe here but I'm not getting it. Perhaps I have said too much. My children don't call me like they used to. And the crosswords get tiresome. But still I'm glad Andrew Breitbart is dead. Breitdead is what I call him.

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Deader than Breitbart.

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 11:55 pm

When you all grow up you'll vote for a proper gentlemen like Mitt Romney.

Geminisunmars October 30, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Just call me Peter Pan.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:20 am

Yurk.

ElPinche October 31, 2012 at 12:39 am

OT: Leaked Florida GOP Memo: "Democratic turnout machine is cleaning our clock" Looks like Florida is beyond 2008 levels:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/10/30/1152853/
http://twitter.com/EvanAxelbank/status/2634970343

Just wanted to drop a little dingleberry of hope.

BloviateMe October 31, 2012 at 12:59 am

Dunno about anybody else, but that does dingle my hopeberry a little.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 1:07 am

Baby, baby. You sure know how to get the proles fired up. I'll sleep tonight.

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 1:07 am

Clearly a false-flag leak to encourage complacency. Time to redouble the GOTV efforts. And for heaven's sake, don't predict a win! Do you want to tempt the wrath of the whatever, from high atop the thing? Go outside RIGHT NOW, and turn around three times and spit.

And curse!

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 1:42 am

People in Floridah know a little sumthin about hurricanes. I'm thinking if they're impressed with our President's handling of Sandy … it couldn't hurt.

Jukesgrrl October 31, 2012 at 1:17 am

(I love Joe.)

Detesticle October 31, 2012 at 1:26 am

I am totally breaking up with Jesus and the preachers who hide behind his skirt.

LibertyLover October 31, 2012 at 1:44 am

If Jeebus came back to earth today, would he be wearing a Brooks Brother's suit and work for Wall Street?

BloviateMe October 31, 2012 at 1:52 am

New Jesus loves Anacott Steel.

cousinitt October 31, 2012 at 1:55 am

St. Dood sez, what's fashion forward for this Fall's "Savior" collection includes the latest from Urban Outfitters. Skateboards to Hell are the accessory of the moment.

docterry6973 October 31, 2012 at 1:51 am

Fear and hatred. Just like Jesus taught.

One of the mini-docs is in college and just told his aunt, my sister, to stuff it with the anti-gay anti-Obama crap she forwards to him. Good for him. I may yet poison another generation with tolerance, diversity, and welcoming.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 2:11 am

DWEET!

bobbert October 31, 2012 at 2:25 am

Oh, hey, Dok.

I don't give a fuck about Ziggy or ponies, but if you veer towards B.C. we're gonna have words.

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 2:31 am

If I ever illustrate a post with BC — unironically, at least — I will have far more serious issues going on.

coolhandnuke October 31, 2012 at 2:41 am

Michael P. Orsi anagram: Holier Scampi

Dr. Nick Riviera October 31, 2012 at 4:11 am

OT: WTF?? Michigan is now a "toss up" according to RCP. Holy fucking shit. If Michigan goes Romney they deserve everything they get.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2012 at 5:49 am

Orsi is a visiting dolt at the for-profit-from-wingtards Ave Maria School of Law, where he evidently doesn't meet the dubious qualifications for an actual faculty position. (In the language of the 47%, he's crashing on their couch until he can land a real job.) Ave Maria itself holds the dubious distinction of simultaneously being among the lowest-ranked and highest-tuition law schools in the nation. Consider the source, is all I'm sayin'.

Ave Maria Law was founded by Thomas Monaghan, of Domino’s Pizza fame (what is it with Republicans and pizza magnates, anyhow?), to advance a Catholic-flavored version of Protestant/fundie legal wingnuttery (read: Liberty & Regent Universities.) You would think that Georgetown, Loyola, Fordham, etc. would be up to the job, but evidently those commie-socialist Jesuits aren't pushing the agenda. Monaghan the businessman may also have identified a ready market among conservative-but-not-so-bright lawyer wannabes.

The rent in Michigan was too damn high, and/or the Michigan A.G. took an interest in the operation, so Monaghan carted the whole circus down to Floriduh, where the school is a shining beacon of the wingnut/fraudster culture, and attracts the finest of young conservative minds. If they didn't exist, Carl Hiaasen would have to invent them.

Lot_49 October 31, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Finally back? I was about to have a snarkeurism.

Blueb4sinrise October 31, 2012 at 3:25 pm

DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Blueb4sinrise October 31, 2012 at 3:19 pm

FIRST!!!!

Mumbletypeg October 31, 2012 at 3:20 pm

At last, what I've been dying to ask: Could someone please Pass the Popcorn??

Blueb4sinrise October 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Enjoy!

SorosBot October 31, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Sorry, Lot_49 has you beat; you lose!

Blueb4sinrise October 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

FYYFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lot_49 October 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Some days you get lucky….

BadKitty904 October 31, 2012 at 3:19 pm

HUZZAH!!! Wonkette is back up!

And HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Wonklings! :0)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyknBTm_YyM

Mumbletypeg October 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

"Wonkette is back up!"

fap fap fap fap fap…

emmelemm October 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm

It's a Halloween miracle!

Blueb4sinrise October 31, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I reckon Saint-Saëns was an interesting person.

OzoneTom October 31, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Why's everyone been so quiet?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 31, 2012 at 3:20 pm

The Wonkette got Sandyfied!

SorosBot October 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Wonkette is back, and based on the comments it came up just as I logged onto the airport wifi. Coincidence?

BadKitty904 October 31, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Have a safe trip, dude! :0)

WIDTAP October 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Sadly, the page for Luke chapter 10, verse 29 had been ripped out of Rev. Orsi's bible.

Oblios_Cap October 31, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Everybody still on dry land?

not that Dewey October 31, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Apparently, ban one of them, and anyone who tries to appeal for clemency on his behalf.

ttommyunger November 1, 2012 at 8:43 pm

No snark: an Evangelical Preacher who spends any of his time on Earth soiling his tongue with politics is the worst kind of phony and hypocrite. If I met him I would address him as "Shaman", not Reverend. It would not be the first time.

Radiotherapy October 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I thought I was the only one who has a precious stash of old Natty Lamps. And I'm a fucking minimalist. There is, after all, a fine line between sentimentality and junk. Whatever did become of Ted Mann?

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I am indeed parked in the Greater Boise Metro Area.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Oh, I make it a point to Tweet irritating shit to Mitt every day. Thanks, Dok!

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

(Looks around the room) Sure… sane… You bet….

mille derps October 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Don't start me talking
I could talk all night
My mind goes sleepwalking
While I'm putting the world to right…

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Stop it! I'm watching you defectives.

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 11:10 pm

(Looks over at MittBorg) Sure, uh huh, me too.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:55 am

Why … why are you leaving? No, wait. WAIT. WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AWAAAAAAA … well, shit.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Is there an MK Brown website? Why of course there is!

(Shary Flenniken has a very limited web presence, darn it. And there's no "Trots & Bonnie" collection either)

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:04 am

If you're a Ripperologist, there's a graphic Jack the Ripper novel — or I should probably say a Jack the Ripper graphic novel — illustrated by Rick Geary.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 11:19 pm

I saw that halfway across the other side of the world, and knew that some day I would hunt the magazine down and read it!

Designer_Rants October 30, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I know of another couple, but I was sworn to secrecy (or at least it's not my place to say specifically.) I never have gossip, so I must guard it jealously.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:29 am

They're boinking TOO? Well, YAY! Wonketz is just FULL of love and the milk of human kindness or motherhood or something!

StillGoinGreen October 30, 2012 at 11:35 pm

It may not be 100%, but – since we are liberalz, we'll accept it as if it is!

trampndirtdown October 30, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Defective or not we can still join Oliver's Army

Humberto_Echo October 30, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Even an old man knows that a person with an Elvis Costello avatar calling for people to Join Oliver's Army is either barmy or worse.

tessiee October 31, 2012 at 12:03 am

I've got several boxes full of back issues in the laundry room, as well as a couple of the paperback collections, the Yearbook Parody, and at least three copies of "Bored of the Rings". It's amazing how good some of the writing is, and how well MOST of it has stood the test of time.

Geminisunmars October 31, 2012 at 12:03 am

We'll let you take care of all the meals. You sound like a far far better cook than moi. I'd be happy to endure the mighty wag of an intolerant finger now and then for the privilege of being spoused by you. Astrally, that is.

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 1:17 am

Oh, that sounds very *naughty*…

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:14 am

I'll live. Howzit witchu, dood?

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:15 am

(Best HedleyLamarr voice): Slithy!

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:19 am

Wut, of course I will.

emmelemm October 31, 2012 at 12:31 am

Awesome.

SayItWithWookies October 31, 2012 at 3:13 am

If you're thinking of me and Mumbletypeg, don't consider yourself under any such obligation — I just don't comment on parts of my personal life that I'm not willing to make fun of, and our relationship certainly isn't one of those things. But yes, wonkette is geek love central — it's like the dwarves on the set of The Wizard of Oz all up in here.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:42 am

Two candy bars and a coke.

Said by altar boy to janitor briefly hearing confessions of naughtiness while priest is out on an errand.

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 12:55 am

Yet another reason why we're a better lot than those Breitbartian dickheads.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 12:55 am

Et tu, you brute? I SAID … oh, fuck it.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 1:00 am

Oh, I'd love to cook for you. You sound like a person who understands the sensuousness of good food.

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 1:02 am

Oh come, now, that's surely unfair. I bet many have found the gun of their dreams.

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 1:11 am

To be fair, we are *all* mad here… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxfDF_j79qw

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 1:12 am

Thanks, sweetie. You concentrate on fruitfly genetics. I made enormous quantities of two excellent stews. One with pork and sage and butternut squash and fennel, and the other with beef, red wine, potatoes, carrots, and lemongrass. We aren't going to starve to death at Eagleshit Towers this week.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 1:13 am

Back, leg. Apparently something's happened to the sciatic nerve. Or so the surgeon says. At least the knee is fine. I could really use to not have any surgery at all for a few years, like ten.

Blueb4sinrise October 31, 2012 at 1:23 am

Good.
Me?
Warm, sunny, dry.
Miserable.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 31, 2012 at 1:30 am

I didn't know Brietbartians and Wonketeers have so much in common.

Oh, wait, you wrote "gun," not "gin."

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 1:44 am

Oh, indeed. That sucker was integral to my dissertation.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 2:12 am

Dean & Deluca stock it. You can buy it online. Also Penzey's. I have to know this shit so I can cook all that tasty food, man.

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 2:22 am

Hey, you! Congrats on the boinkage!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 1, 2012 at 12:07 am

Always knew you had it in you.

Gin, that is.

[also, congrats!]

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 2:25 am

I just don't get how "warm, sunny, dry" could possibly equate to "miserable," but I'm'a hug you on GP anyway. Helps MY shitty mood, why not yours?

MittBorg October 31, 2012 at 2:27 am

And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

I memorized that whole fucking thing when I was seven. I had the edition with the Tenniel illustrations, and many a sleepless night it gave me.

GregComlish October 31, 2012 at 3:30 am

Some historical context. At the time, Jerusalem was a pretty edgy place that was ready to revolt. There were sincere expectations that the messiah was going to come to help the Jews overthrow the Romans. There were lots of would-be messiahs going around and the Romans were executing them left and right. Passover was a particularly sensitive time of year, with a toxic mix of superstition, nationalism, and crowding. Jesus shows up on the eve of passover, getting people riled up, tossing over tables in the temple, and calling himself the son of God. The elites were quick to make an example out of him to enforce to law and order and that's what happened.

redarmyzombie October 31, 2012 at 4:40 am

"Oh Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

Sadly, I led a very sheltered, deprived childhood. I did not get to read any of them until about a couple years ago, and oh! Oh, god, they're now my favorite books!

By the by, have you ever seen the Czech version of Alice in Wonderland by Jan Svankmajer, Neco z Alenky?

Jus_Wonderin October 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Is it a bodice Ripper?

Designer_Rants October 31, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Yes, you and Mumbletypeg were my jealously guarded secret Wonkette Lovers.

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