failing up

Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management

Instead of giving you "money" we shall give you this nice round of applause!As Click & Clack will tell you, it’s the stingy man who ends up paying most, and apparently it’s as true of governing as car repairs! And apparently also, Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, was quite the Scrooge when it came to building levees and other flood control for his state! Here is a nice find from our friends at Slog:

In the spring of 2004, Peabody, Mass., got drenched with rain, which flooded the downtown area. After the storm, then-Gov. Mitt Romney asked President George W. Bush to declare Essex, Middlesex and Suffolk Counties federal disaster areas, according to the Boston Globe.

That fall, the state legislature proposed spending $5.7 million on a flood prevention project to protect against future floods. Those funds would be matched by $22 million in federal money.

Romney vetoed it.

Haha, you guys are never gonna guess what happened just two years later, in 1996 2006. Go ahead, try. You’ll never … oh. Yeah, that was it.

From Esquire, digging up an old opinion piece from the (conservative) Lowell Sun:

We find it inconceivable that Gov. Mitt Romney claims the state can do nothing to help those residents still struggling to rebuild homes and businesses after the May flood. Massachusetts is sitting on millions in unspent emergency funds from Hurricane Katrina and more than $1 billion in cash reserves, yet Romney has failed to even respond to the Lowell delegation’s requests to discuss additional aid for victims. The governor’s spokesman — since Romney can’t be bothered to comment now that the photo opportunities have dried up even though some residents’ basements haven’t — said the state will not consider spending its own money for flood victims until it’s clear how much cash the federal government will give.

My, it almost seems as if Miffed Romney thought those who lost their homes and businesses should stop being “victims” and mooching off the government and take some personal responsibility for their lives!

So to recap: there was a bunch of flooding, and the Democratic lege with which Romney was so “bipartisan” approved a bill meant to prevent future flooding. Romney vetoed it (as he had more than 800 other Democratic measures, 700 of which were then overridden). Then, two years later, a bunch of places flooded. And then, despite sitting on a billion in Katrina money and other cash reserves, Gov. Romney declined to provide aid to the affected citizens until he could see how much the feds would give. Then in the GOP primary debates he said the feds should send FEMA responsibilities back to the states. Then five people tried to ask him about it this morning and he ran away.

“Mr. Manager” Mitt Romney does not seem to be very good at this whole Mr. Managing thing.

[Esquire / Slog]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Lascauxcaveman

    Is Lowell a mostly (D) neighborhood?

    Oh, I should be so ashamed of myself for daring to politicize such a tragic disaster. I'm one of those awful, nasty liberals.

    • Sean O

      Lowell has a huge immigrant population, and has for the last… 200 years or so. It really is one of the great immigrant cities in the entire country: Greek, Cambodian, Irish, French Canadian, Hispanic, German and pretty much any other ethnicity you can think of.

      There was a time when Lowell's textile mills had more looms than the entire Southern US. It's also the home of Paul and Niki Tsongas, Massachusetts Democratic royalty.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh, look, it IS a mostly (B) neighbourhood. Well, (B) and honorary (B).

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Our principal engineer is a UMass Lowell grad. And she's a shanty Irish DRat. Also, too.

    • MiniMencken

      Lowell is Jack Kerouac's home town, and you know what a fellow-traveling brohemian he was.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Erototoxins!!

      • bibliotequetress

        Kerouac was also a Nixon supporter, which is not something I could have possibly made up ever.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Or a (B) (Brown/Black) neighbourhood?

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    What the hell is wrong with this damn country that this assclown has even the slightest chance of winning the election?

    • Sophist:GinghamStyle

      White people.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        With supremacy issues.

      • Geminisunmars

        I feel tarred with that brush.

        eta: or do I mean "tard"?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          How come YOU get to use the t-word?

          • Geminisunmars

            'Cause I'm "special".

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            YTIWSWYDT. (hugs the Gem)

            You sure are, and I mean that in the very best way.

          • Geminisunmars

            blushes…hugs shyly back.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Thanks. Hugs are definitely needed today.

            Surgeon says whatever's keeping me off my feet is not a knee problem, but a nerve problem. Dr. on Friday, MRIs next. Sleepless nights, bad movies, too much Twitter.

          • ThundercatHo

            Just make sure that if they want to inject your nerve the meds come from a socialist, regulated lab and not a free-market, capitalist, uninspected cesspit. Hope you have been tweeting about Gov Shmitts past disaster mgt efforts. Love to you and your nerve problem.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Thanks, sweetie. (Hugs you)

            Yes, I'm well aware of Mitty's (and ShittyScotty's) role in the contaminated meds. Yeesh. Reading the report on the contamination was enough to give me nightmares. And yes, I'm doing my best to make Mitt's life miserable on Twitter. It's great being able to be RLY mean to the deserving. Twitter seems to appreciate my efforts, too!

          • Boojum

            Oh hell, you just need more narcotics.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I react badly to pretty much everything except morphine, dilaudid, and percocet, and all three are a very bad idea for various reasons. Last time I had to get off the percocet, it actually took some effort. I don't like that.

          • Fun w/ Cthulhu

            Hi MittBorg – sorry to hear about your pain. To ease it I'll gladly convert unused m, d or p to cash. If that would ease your pain.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Nah, it's OK, I just keep drinking till I pass out. :)
            It's just one of the unavoidable side-effects of age, I think. Thanks for the kind thoughts.

          • tessiee

            "bad movies"

            It's near enough to Hallowe'en that I'd like to suggest de-stressing with scary/funny/campy movies: Young Frankenstein, Toxic Avenger, most of the MST3K genre, etc.
            Hope that helps.

      • BTWBFDIMHO

        With a little help from some gusanos que odian a los morenos.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          y los negros. Ah, shit, y everyfuckingbody.

    • elviouslyqueer

      The South, mostly.

      • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

        According to Gallup, Mitt is up 22 points in the South. Yes, 22 fucking points.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Really, is that all? 22%? I'd have figured he'd be up by triple digits down there, being white and all.

          • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

            122%, according to Fox News.

          • http://redstatepinko.blogspot.com/ RedStatePinko

            I'm sorry, I am having trouble following this discussion. Obama is black! There ya go.

        • PugglesRule

          And he's down by at least than much in Massachusetts. The voters who know him the best like him the least.

        • BoroPrimorac

          As long as it's the white guy who is robbing me, I don't give a shit.

          – Every southern dumb fuck.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      99% ignorance. It's our greatest fault.

      • MOG2410

        Just keep cutting the ed funds, that way we can make sure it's all about them.

    • noodlesalad

      A media who has a $2B+ stake in making sure the Presidential election is close.

      • mrpuma2u

        Hey ratings are ratings, and the ad revenues are through the roof! cha-CHING!

    • StillGoinGreen

      Texas, Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kansas, Okla… I think you get my point.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Pretty much, yeah. I know what they call Brazil nuts in those states.

      • HistoriCat

        You just wait … 8 or 12 years from now Texas is going to swing the other way. Oh, the wailing and gnashing of teeth we will have to look forward to then!

        • StillGoinGreen

          It is my motherland and the tides, they are a turnin! I have seen more "Forward" signs this year than I ever did 4 years ago. Not in my little Richie Rich suburb, but the DFW metroplex as a whole is slowly turning! I'll bet Hillary carries Texas for her reelection!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I'm hearing good things from TX tweeps. The Castros are having a huge impact on their city, and Austin is, as always, reliably blue, but I do believe that many Texans are getting pretty fucking fed up with their Republican overlords, and the Hispanic vote is *almost* at the tipping point, so it might be sooner than 8 years.

        • Negropolis

          Texas will be the crown jewel of crown jewels when we flip it. We get Texas and it's game over for the GOP; lights out.

    • PugglesRule

      See: Blah in WHITE House.

    • Radiotherapy

      The fucking media keeping it "close". For ratings and profit.

    • GeneralLerong

      I'm curious about that myself.

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    Hello? Isolated incident libtards!

    Also Solyndra, Free Markets and Tenth Amendment.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You forgot Libya.

      • noodlesalad

        And Chinese Jeeps!

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        and Poland!

        • Dr_Zoidberg

          I always forget Poland.

      • Goonemeritus

        And days spent playing golf.

      • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

        It is not Libya. It is Benghazi. Or Libia.

        • http://redstatepinko.blogspot.com/ RedStatePinko

          I'm pretty sure it's spelled "labia."

        • Geminisunmars

          Are you sure it isn't Labia?

          • Gleem McShineys

            WHY DIDN'T BARACK OBAMA DO MORE IN LABIA

      • HistoriCat

        57 States!

    • HempDogbane

      Home repair costs are gonna be inflated !

    • Callyson

      Mali! Death panels! Bowing!

      • redarmyzombie

        APOLOGY TOUR!!1!

    • SmutBoffin

      TELLARPROMPTARS

    • zumpie

      And Benghazi, Evil Muslin Kenyan Usurper and FREEEEEEEEEEEEDUMS!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Hip-hop barbecue!

      • redarmyzombie

        Don't forget that shuck an' jive!
        (God, I need a shower just for typing that…)

    • DrunkIrishman

      You forgot OBAMACARE!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Secret Muslin decoder ring!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!

        • StillGoinGreen

          and sayin' bullsh***er, and hiding his auntie from the deporter dudes!

    • Geminisunmars

      Beergate.

    • memzilla

      Black-cents! Chicago-style politics! Rose Garden vegetables!

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        He took "In God We Trust" off the penneez!

    • kyeshinka

      Teh gays, academia, and Jeeeeewwwwws!

    • Close_Read

      And vegetable gardenz on the White House lawn!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Watermelon.

        • redarmyzombie

          I'm sure if we looked hard enough, we could find Sarah Palin making a kool-aid reference…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            40 oz.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Shuck and jive!

    • not that Dewey

      Marine Corpse!

    • rocktonsam

      tires correctly inflated

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      ENERGY SAVING LIGHT BULBS, MORANS!!
      (GAH!)

    • Negropolis

      Bowing to foreign leaders!

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Romney's solution – stock up on potted meat products and other non perishables and everything will be fine.

    • BadKitty904

      And learn to swim, ya lazy bastids.

      • cheetojeebus

        or parcour, ya fukkas.

    • finallyhappy

      haha, you watched Joss' s video

    • PugglesRule

      Buy stock in Armour vienna sausage.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You say "potted meat," Romney says "confit."

    • JohnnyQuick

      Just borrow another house from your parents.

  • nounverb911

    Does Mitt's spare yacht have an elevator too, also?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      One for the cars, sure.

    • Generation[redacted]

      how else are Ann's horses going to get to their stateroom?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Only votes can stop Mitt's flood of bullshit.

    • gullywompr

      This. Blessing be upon you.

    • TootsStansbury

      Why do l feel like my vote is like that poor kid's thumb, stuck in the dike.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Look around you. Are you near a dike?

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Well, there's this one gal down the hall who always wears sensible shoes…

          • Geminisunmars

            Oxfords libel!

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            I was hoping someone would take the bait. Well done, Baldar.

      • TootsStansbury

        I knew this comment would go there faster than an Izuzu Outback driving past a Chick Fila.

  • midnighttoker69

    What a great guy, always trying to save a buck here or there, looking out for the taxpayers.

    I'm just kidding, he's still a dick.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Listen, this fucker, Romney, claims to have shut down his campaign in the affected states. No ads, no fundraisers,nothing. His running dogs are out there ATTACKING the President for not doing the same, or so they claim.

      Meanwhile, what is Mitt doing? He's running "flood events" where attendees are FORCED TO WATCH HIS ADS. Please god if you want to provide proof of your existence, cut off all power to his offices EVERYWHERE. JUST his offices. Leave the rest alone. I will start going to church/mosque/temple/synagogue within 24 hours of your performing said mirafuckingcle.

      • HistoriCat

        "going to church/mosque/temple/synagogue" – if you're going to all of those, when will you find time to comment on Wonkette?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          O, ye of little faith!

  • AlterNewt

    That government which governs least, governs least.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I don't remember Katrina making a side trip to Cape Cod while on it's way to New Orleans. How did Massachusetts get disaster money out of that?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Probably for taking in and resettling refugees. I think quite a few states got money for that as well. Whatever money they didn't use for that purpose they were probably free to hold onto.

      • Callyson

        Ah, that makes sense–I was wondering how the hell Katrina money made it so far from New Orleans.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Well, you wouldn't want to spend it where it might be used to rebuild, now would you?

          • HarryButtle

            Especially if it's just the blah neighborhoods…

        • UW8316154

          Well, just look how far Mittens money has made it from the United States!

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Yep.
        http://www.fema.gov/news-release/president-approv

        Did kinda hit the N.E. eventually, dunno what the effects were. http://i.space.com/images/i/1189/iFF/050829_katri

      • An_Outhouse

        like foster parents.

    • elviouslyqueer

      It's a coastal state, so it probably got "flood mitigation" funds or some shit.

      That, or Bush felt guilty after letting New Orleans drown and decided to be all Oprah with the states. "You get a billion! You get a billion! EVERYBODY gets a billion!"

      • emmelemm

        Deficits don't matter!

        • HogeyeGrex

          Unless you're a Blahocrat.

          • NorthStarSpanx

            "Government is here to help people, especially in disasters."

            That's a local politicians first mistake with ambitious power mongers like Mitt Romney. He wants to broker financial deals, not manage disasters.
            http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/29/mitt-rom

  • Lucidamente1

    Editrix, you wrote "1996" instead of "2006." But it's ok: even your typos are hot.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      you can't spell 1996 without a 6 and a 9, nudge nudge wink wink.

      • gullywompr

        She just got a little tongue-tied IYKWIMAITYD.

    • Callyson

      I saw that too and figured she was going with the "Mittens will take us backward" theme. Which is too true…

  • nounverb911

    But is Mitt in mourning for the three or so waterfront homes in Greenwich that burned to ground last night?

  • snowpointsecret

    A box of Tic-Tacs could handle a flood better than Romney.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management

    The water goes in, the water goes out. Who can explain it?

    • nounverb911

      Bill O'Reilly?

    • BadKitty904

      Bill Nye, the Science Guy?

    • UnholyMoses

      My eight year old?

    • snowpointsecret

      Wait, this time it's actually Hitler, right?

      • Ruhe

        Brilliant.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        NOOOOOO!!! That's MY LINE!!!

        Goddammit, I'm ALWAYS late to the fucking party.

    • Callyson

      Michael Brown, aka Mr "heck of a job?"

      • HogeyeGrex

        Who is, for some unknowable reason, not still hiding in shame as he ought but out making mouthnoises about how awful the Obama administration's reaction to a hurricane is. And Benghazi, 'cuz he's a foreign policy geenyus too.

        Irony died weeping.

        • PugglesRule

          I would personally like to invite Heckuva BlowJob Brownie to find a pencil, sharpen it, and — now this is important — stick it in his eye and just twist it around, really hard. (Thanks to Stephen Colbert for that awesome line.)

          • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

            Con votos, I assume.

        • CommieLibunatic

          I'd sooner consult my dog for disaster relief advice. Sure, she'd just run waist-deep into the water, snap at it, and retreat, but the adorable spectacle would at least distract us from the suckage.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          He's actually trying to insinuate that President O is OVER-reacting. Srsly. NY shut down the transportation too early. The President is taking refuge in the hurricane running away from Benghazi.

          I want to kick his useless butt SO fucking bad.

          • SorosBot

            Over-reacting, when the New York subway won't be back to work for a still unknown number of days, meaning that most of the city will remain shut down as no one can get to work? What the fuck?

            And this from the man who defined underreacting to a natural disaster. How much gall does this motherfucker have?

          • emmelemm

            "How much gall does this motherfucker have? "

            All of it, Katie.

            Seriously, ALL of it.

          • HistoriCat

            Fuck his useless ass upside of his head.

            And not with votes.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    FEMA: Flooding? Eat My Assachusett.

  • The_Bobs

    You might want to change that 1996 date in the story to 2006;

  • gullywompr
    • elviouslyqueer

      Um, Mikey? There are several hundred thousand New Orleanians and Mississippi coastal residents who are still waiting to kick you square in the ballsack. So perhaps you should just shut the fucking fuck up, you motherfucking fuck.

      • BadKitty904

        "I'm BadKitty and I approve this message."

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I'm NOT, and even *I* approve it.

          Hell, lemme just get in the front of that line.

          • redarmyzombie

            Hell, I'm in California and I'm over here eying my sledgehammer collection…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'll help you carry them.

          • redarmyzombie

            How about we make a deal MittBorg, and we each take a hammer and take turns smashing his gonads?

    • snowpointsecret

      How the hell do you respond to a disaster too quickly? It sounds like this man wants people to die.

      • gullywompr

        Obama is Nero – fiddling around "responding" while Benghazi burns.

        • mille derps

          Oh, I see- the 'g' is silent in this sentence…

          • gullywompr

            took me a second…

          • HogeyeGrex

            *golf clap*

      • MOG2410

        Just certain ones, wink wink.

    • calliecallie

      "This is like the inverse of Benghazi.”

      WTF? If inverse means totally not at all like Benghazi in pretty much every way, kind of like apples and…bean sprouts, then yes.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Words are hard.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      I hadn't realized Rafalca is an arabian. It's all about who ya know, innitt?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I thought she was German.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      That kinda made me want to see bad things happen to that guy.

  • StillGoinGreen

    I knew there was a God!!!1!1! (not really – but this ALMOST changed my mind)

  • cognachas4paws

    Saw the witless wonder on the news at his "relief" event. The guy was almost smirking. How is it that anyone with half a brain in their head is still voting for this guy?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "How is it that anyone with half a brain in their head is still voting for this guy?"

      Anyone with more than half a brain is not voting for him. Unfortunately, many of our fellow countrymen fall short of even 50% in the grey matter department.

      • NDeeeZ

        I love repeating the Adlai Stevenson story…a woman at a speech gushed to him "Governor, you have the vote of every thinking person."
        And he responded, "I'm afraid it's not enough, Madam; we need a majority."

      • tessiee

        "Think of how stupid the average person is… Now think that half the population is dumber than that" — George Carlin

    • Steverino247

      He's white. Seriously, that's it.

      • CommieLibunatic

        Not a day goes by when I wish we would just come out and say that. If we just dropped the codewords, a little candle would light in that inky black bladder thing that humans could reasonably describe as my heart.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Aww! That's SO cute! Your heart's BLAH! I knew there was good in you, CommieLib.

    • Jerri

      It's like George Carlin said: Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of 'em are even stupider than that.

  • chascates

    Just move to a different home, like Romney did.

    • bikerlaureate

      Honestly, the 47% are so stupid.

    • mille derps

      Seriously, dude. When you have that many homes, at least one of them is bound to be outside of a disaster area…

      Well, until the Zombie Apocalypse gets underway.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Joss Whedon sez You want Zombie Apocalypse? Vote MITT ROMNEY.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      And you'd think they'd share some of that water with the parched interior states, but oh no! That would be the socialism.

      • HistoriCat

        We could build a network of pipelines to move water from states with too much to states without enough. But I guess that wouldn't create jobs.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Just borrow $ 300,000 from your parents for a new house. Jeeze.

    • redarmyzombie

      I'm sure you could just borrow that $20,000 from your parents…

      EDIT: God-DAMN, this is what I get for not reading ahead…

  • memzilla

    I really want to tie this asshatted f**ktard to the nearest set of publicly-subsidized railroad tracks and watch the 5:20 express splatter his memory chips all over the roadbed… with votes.

    • emmelemm

      Good save there at the end.

      • memzilla

        A tip of the ol' non-Drudge fedora to fellow grumpy Wonketeer Callyson for the 411 on how to avoid violating Editrix's TOS. Not that I would mind being violated by Editrix, mind you…

    • mille derps

      No- better to strand him in his car's elevator on the lowest part of his flooding garage.

      • Geminisunmars

        I think you've just given away the plot for the next Stephen King novel.

  • Lucidamente1

    I don't know, rising waters kind of suit the Romneys:

    http://www.deseretnews.com/images/top/main/15116/

    • MissTaken

      Eww. That made me think of Naked Egg. Double Ewwww.

      • memzilla

        Goodbye, lunch! Sorry you couldn't stay longer! Goodbye!

    • mille derps

      Are they all wearing their temple garments?

      • PugglesRule

        Templekinis?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Please help me un-see that~

      • PugglesRule

        I know. My retinas!!

  • snowpointsecret

    Mitt Romney: teaching the world what it really means to be a Masshole.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "They call you people Massholes?!? Let me show you what a real Masshole can do!"

  • MonkeyHamlet

    Mitt Romney was only trying to save that money for a rainy day. A rainy day when car elevators might be threatened.

  • noodlesalad

    In fairness, Lowell is full of poors. And hurricanes are people too, my friend.

    • MrsConclusion

      That's why they have names. Duh.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    since Romney can’t be bothered to comment now that the photo opportunities have dried up even though some residents’ basements haven’t

    Well played, Lowell-Sun writer from the 1990s! Oh, Becca I think also too, "two years later" would be 2006… Still, nice gem to dig up and share. And there's a lot about the mid-1990s I still miss, too.

  • ttommyunger

    Water floods in, water floods out, who can explain it? Certainly not the Mittster.

  • smashedinhat

    Mittens Romney, naked self interest. And yet it works for him! Good thing weed & hard liquor works for me.

    • PugglesRule

      Please to not use the words "Mittens" and "naked" in the same sentence because retinas!

      • smashedinhat

        To cleanse the palate then; Ann Romney – anal bleaching

  • Pragmatist2

    Mitt views this as a simple matter: Did God build a levee around Israel after THE Flood? No. And things have worked out just fine there for 6000 years.

  • SexySmurf

    Then five people tried to ask him about it this morning and he ran away.

    If I didn't live on earth, I'd want a Romney presidency just to see how badly he'd fuck everything up.

    Also King County finally got around to verifying the signature on my ballot (looks like Roseanne is getting at least one vote). Took awhile because voter turnout in KC is approaching 90% which means come Nov. 7th us Warshingtonians will be able to smoke a bone at our gay weddings.

    • emmelemm

      Hail, fellow Warshingtonian. If Romney wins, what say we build a wall and secede? And then gay marry and smoke up to our hearts' content?

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        As long as we don't get stuck with Spokane and the Dry Shitties. But we need Yakima because hops, for beer.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      I'm guessing Tuesday nite there will be many celebrations with gay abandon here in the Swish Alps. Likely Broadway will be seeing slow downs from moar than just road construction.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Until Bammerz sets the DEA dogs loose on our asses. Or they just get on us themselves and he looks the other way. Same diff.

      • SexySmurf

        That's why I voted for Roseanne. Hell, she'll probably make lighting up mandatory.

  • hagajim

    I just love that he talks about working in a bipartisan manner when he was governor, a bipartisan manner which included a shitload of veto overrides. Not so real bipartisan now are we assclown.

    • PugglesRule

      A bipartisan manner that produced 8 HUNDRED vetores and, fortunately, more than 700 overrides. Because, asshat vetoes!

  • Fox n Fiends

    I'm sure the Lowell Sun is joining the Boston Herald in supporting a guy they once hated so much, because he's white.

  • MissTaken

    I remember this Katrina you mention. There were so many people in Massachusetts standing on the roofs of their houses because of the flood waters after the levees broke. And the devastation at Gillette Stadium was heartbreaking.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You are getting the Gillette Stadium hurricane devastation mixed up with the loss-to-the-Jets-in-the-Divisional-Playoffs-back-in-January-2011 devastation.

    • Negropolis

      Those poor souls in the North End. It was underwater for days.

  • SpiderCrab

    I'm sorry, but the intricacies of Mitt's history of prevarication are boring and are certain to be lost on undecided voters. The really important fact that voters need to consider when considering Mitt is that Mitt has vowed to rid the internet of the wholesome benefits of free erotica, and replace it with dresssage how-to videos.

    • Jimmyone

      So…you are saying we have time to learn to appreciate Horse Porn? I feel a little…ahem…inadequate watching normal porn…horse porn would be just devastating to my id/ego….

    • spareme

      Is he gonna post pics of Ann dressed in that leather outfit with the goofy dick shoes?

  • SorosBot

    Gee, it's almost as if doucheheads who believe the government shouldn't do its' most basic fucking job do horribly when in charge of government.

    • oenspiek

      What supernal intelligence could conceivably have foreseen such an unforeseeable thing?

  • mavenmaven

    "Sorry, this rescue is for paying subscribers only."

    • PugglesRule

      Like that family in Tennessee whose house burned down because they forgot to pay the $75 fire district fee and the administrator told the fire fighters not to go to the fire. Wheee! Capitalism in action.

    • Negropolis

      THIS.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Mitts filosophie can be summed up as: "If I can't benefit then why the fuck should I care?"

    • noodlesalad

      Bingo – with the small caveat "If it will make for a good photo op, I will definitely appear to care for as long as the cameras are on."

  • SheriffRoscoe

    You vote him in. He fucks you and it doesn't feel good. Then you consider voting him in some more. I've written it a thousand times on these here wonkette walls. Po' white trash be gettin' all they deserve. Maybe some day they'll learn. "What's the matter with Kansas", etc & etc……

  • BarackMyWorld

    Mr. Manager knows there's always money in the banana stand.

    • BumbleKid

      I love you for this.

  • Callyson

    Massachusetts is sitting on millions in unspent emergency funds from Hurricane Katrina

    Excuse me? How the hell did emergency funds for Katrina end up in Massachusetts, when they were needed in New Orleans?

    Time for my apparently trademarked phrase…FFS…

    • Gleem McShineys

      Maybe the funds were vacationing in the Caymans and got mixed up with Mitt's luggage.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Katrina emergency funds, eh? You can see why they went unspent.

  • bikerlaureate

    I love Charlie Pierce:

    There's a reason why he's going to lose this state by more than 20 points. The only thing about him that you can depend on is that there's never any room in the lifeboat for The Help.

    • MissTaken

      Remember all the Repubs who made fun of Gore for losing his home state in 2000? You don't hear too much from them about Mittens and Mass. Very curious.

      • SorosBot

        Oh great it looks like we've hive-minded again.

        • MissTaken

          If you are currently eating lasagna, too, then I am officially creeped out.

          • SorosBot

            No, just soup.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Yes. Also this:

      "At the same time, [Romney] was using the federal government as alibi, scapegoat and ATM machine."

      I think I'm in love.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Does anyone else just not like this guy? I just really, really do not like this guy. He makes me seethe-y.

    • BumbleKid

      Sometimes when I listen to him, I get this really overwhelming urge to punch him in the middle of his face.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        With votes.

      • tessiee

        I call dibs on Paul Ryan.
        I really want to hit Paul Ryan, hard.
        I'm not usually a combative person, but I think my heart would sing a happy tune if I could feel my dainty girlish fist break his nose — and hear it, too; I want to hear the bone cracking.
        Oddly, the last person I felt that way about was Tom Green, the "comedian".

    • spareme

      I can't stand this fucking guy.

  • MiniMencken

    And this is surprising news to..?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "the (conservative) Lowell Sun"

    I've learned from my visits to the ancestral homeland that someone who is considered a staunch conservative in Massachusetts would be considered, at worst, a Blue Dog Democrat down here in Texas.

  • decentcitizen

    And you act surprised. This is from the guy who started a business predicated on looting people's pensions funded by South America's finest death squad sponsors. He's the perfect presidential candidate.

  • SmutBoffin

    Jesus, the only real "skill" Mitt seems to have is to wait until something (a company, a state, a campaign) gets to some high level of fuckeduppedness, swoop in and declare himself the smart guy with a solution, then do jack shit, then get paid, then claim you did everything right 10 years in the future when people note you didn't do jack shit.

  • SorosBot

    Remember how, in 2000, many people kept blasting that Al Gore must be the worst candidate ever for losing Tennessee, despite the fact that it's a right-wing state no Democrat can now win at the Presidential level? After the election it became a special favorite for Nader apologists to distract from how they were responsible for Bush's election. It's so strange that no one is saying the the same thing about Mittens getting crushed in Massachusetts, almost as if there is some kind of double standard in the media.

    • snowpointsecret

      It probably had something to do with Clinton/Gore winning Tennessee in both 1992 and 1996.

    • MissTaken

      Get out of my head!

    • TheMightyHaltor

      That's because Mittens' REAL home state is Michigan, where he's…oh never mind. Hey, he's kicking ass in Utah.

  • Radiotherapy

    Well, at least those flood victims had healthcare.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This guy would make one incredibly lousy Comforter-in-Chief.

    • JohnnyQuick

      Yet his mom-jeans seem so Comfortable-in-Chief!

  • BadKitty904

    I really do not like this man,
    I do not like him, Sam-I-Am!
    I do not like him in a boat,
    I will not like him with a vote!
    I do not like him here or there,
    I do not like him anywhere!
    I do not think Mitt's worth a damn,
    I do not like him, Sam-I-Am!

    • tessiee

      I do not like his fancy hair,
      I do not like his underwear.
      I would not answer if he calls,
      I'd like to kick him in the ass.

  • delaney_blom

    You know those things that protect you from floods?

    You didn't build that.

    • PubOption

      And you will never have the money to do it by yourself.

  • HempDogbane

    This is why Pawlenty would have been a good match or Mitt as VP, instead of that workout guy. Pawlenty would run away when asked a hard question by just one guy. He's pretty fast too !

  • GeorgiaBurning

    How much floodwater does it take to drown a weasel?

  • Steverino247

    How badly will Mitt fuck things up? OK, you asked for it…

    1) He's going to start another arms race with the Russians.
    2) He's going to start a war with the Iranians.
    3) He's going to keep the war in Afghanistan going (see 1).
    4) He's going to cut taxes for the other members of his socioeconomic class because…
    5) He's going to eliminate every government assistance program based on the need to pay for 1-4, above.

    He's George W. Bush's incompetence and arrogance with Richard Nixon's paranoia and Ronald Reagan's attention span and memory.

    • emmelemm

      Dude, don't sugarcoat it for us or anything.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Don't forget the day one trade war with China.

    • kyeshinka

      So, you're saying it'll be like the 70s all over again without the Brady Bunch Variety Show?

    • Toomush_Infer

      You forgot:
      6) appoint at least one Supreme worse than Scalia;
      7) approve every government takeover of women's bodies that come to his desk; and
      8) tear apart the only healthcare program that saves any money in the next 20 years….

      • Steverino247

        There will be no healthcare other than waiting in ER's.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      He's going to repeal minimum wage laws, so we don't need to import anything from Chaina.

    • Terry

      He's going to start a war with Great Britain.

      • HistoriCat

        That's OK – we will greet them as liberators.

        • redarmyzombie

          "For the love of god, SAVE US FROM THIS SHIT-TARD!!!"

          (I for one welcome our new benevolent Chinese overlords.)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          HAHAHA … OMFG, you're right.

    • tessiee

      You left out overturning Roe v. Wade.

  • TootsStansbury

    Mitt the twit sucks at the federal tit. Says poorz can just suck it. Details after the break.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "As Click & Clack will tell you"

    They won't tell you that any more, not after Romney defunds NPR.

    • OneDollarJuana

      They're retiring, so that's a moot point. And I'm not sure federal funding is such a good thing for NPR anymore. They bend over backwards so far these days to appease the Right and appear fair that it sounds almost like Fox sometimes.

      • Geminisunmars

        I think they got "re-staffed" a lot during the Bush years. We just need to wrench it back to sanity during Bamz second term. And forbid Koch funding.

        • tessiee

          "I think they got "re-staffed" a lot during the Bush years."

          If only there were some way to check that:
          http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

          • Geminisunmars

            There is proof right there: the Corporate Spokesperson is Hugh Lyon Sack. He was trained at Kock headquarters.

      • Jerri

        You mean you don't want to hear the Republican Response™ to everything all the time, always, nestled between Steve Inskeep's hollow guffaws and concerned "hmms?"

        What kind of liberal are you?

  • Ruhe

    Does anyone else think it's possible that, all bogus ideology aside, the reason Mitt didn't want to spend that money was that it was just such a big, beautiful pile of dough. Maybe he was thinking "man, look at that sweet pile of cash, all fresh and uncommitted, stacked in neat bundles. Hey guys, I have an idea! Let's not spend it. Let's just let it sit there so we can come back and look at it once in a while. Whadda ya think?"

    He probably had trouble being the first one to get into a fresh jar of peanut butter as a kid too. Or maybe he'd run around the house with a newly opened tub of margarine letting everyone see the cute little pig tail, only to later weep when his mother ruined the delectable swirl of oleo for no better reason than to "cook" with it. He probably hated her for that and now we're all about to pay the price.

  • gullywompr

    Bamz on the TV right now at Red Cross looking like a mensch.

    Told the states – feds are gonna help.
    Told the feds – STFU and help.
    Told all of us – people are people too.

    • PugglesRule

      Bamz like a boss!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      He also said "as fast as possible, as hard as possible and for the duration."

      This is where this goes.

      • gullywompr

        While singing Al Green…

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Mmmm, mmm, sexy lady … wut?

        It's just the Gangnam style … latest thing … kinda cool. So wut if I'm an Oldz?

      • Negropolis

        Fast, hard and long is the name of his next album.

  • Terry

    "Massachusetts is sitting on millions in unspent emergency funds from Hurricane Katrina "

    Pourquoi?

    Massachusetts had/has emergency funds related to Katrina?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      He also said "as fast as possible, as hard as possible and for the duration."

      ETA: Replied to wrong one! Derp.

    • MissTaken

      Apparently a lot of states received funds for taking victims. But the fact the state of Massachusetts was sitting on millions from it is disgusting. That money could've been used for housing and care of the displaced victims who did go to Mass, or for flood prevention to avoid such a disaster in the future, as the money was intended. But no, Mitt the Dick said 'fuck off!'.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        And then Mitt said "Mine! No! Mine! Mineminemineminemine!"

      • Terry

        But they aren't supposed to be hoarding it, like Gollum and the ring.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    This is why you don't elect people who say that government can't help people. It's too easy a promise to keep.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    What a piece of Mitt.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Offaly true.

  • kyeshinka

    Mitt Romney, enough with the freakin' HACAP food drives and photo-ops with local gomers in Ohio or Iowa or Bama or wherever you are today. The coast needs cops, firefighters, first responders, Coast Guard, National Guard–all GOVERNMENT jobs. Jobs that you wanna cut. That's whats needed.

    Nobody nowhere is asking for can of creamed fuckin' corn!!!

  • Geminisunmars

    This is one heckuva October surprise!

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    In honor of the late great Walt Kelly, I want to make current the appellation of "Mass of Juices" for The Bay State.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I don't think one should expect a whole lot of leadership from a guy incapable of following even the advice of the Red Cross.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    What people need is more bayonettes and guillotines.

  • LibertyLover

    Then five people tried to ask him about it this morning and he ran away.

    “Mr. Manager” Mitt Romney does not seem to be very good at this whole Mr. Managing thing.

    So Romeny believes in cutting and running?

  • CindynEncinitas

    And he would probably take Pennsylvania's ban on the sale of alcohol (!!!???WTF??!!!) nationwide!!! If that doesn't send a shiver down your spine, nothing will!!!!

  • redarmyzombie

    I don't get it, guys. How does this happen? How does…well, THAT…receive the presidential nomination of ANY political party?

    • tessiee

      HIs "competition" was Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.

  • rocktonsam

    hey you guys, Mittens save the Olympics, floods should be a snap

    • LibertyLover

      Didn't he do that with that ebil Guvment monies?

      • Gleem McShineys

        Come on now, that's mean. Facts like that are just going to interfere with righties autoerotic activities.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    No more rising oceans jokes? And what does he mean by "helping you and your family? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbkYBGVVpSc

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Can someone please explain to me WTF the Iowa dispatch was thinking endorsing this lying bag of rancid douche by saying he can be bipartisan? He touts that as an ahievement and he's going to get blown out of the water in that state.

    • Negropolis

      They were mad because Obama missed a meeting with their editorial board, apparently. So, they gave some other bullshit reason for supporting Mitt so as not to look petty, but the reasons they gave were bullshit and see-through.

      • Dr. Nick Riviera

        Thanks. I had heard something about an encounter with their editorial board, but was not clear on the details. But when i read the "endorsement" of Romney I was flabbergasted by how utterly ridiculous it was.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Bipartisan" my flaming ass. In Mass., the fucker vetoed just about every single piece of legislation put on his desk, and the Dems in the legislature overrode him every time. We're talking hundreds of bills and hundreds of vetos. As a governor he was utterly useless, and whatever was accomplished during his term was accomplished in spite of his veto.

  • ChickTract_Fil_A

    Flooding is great for photo-ops. Watched him lift a case of dog food laying out in the open for no good reason.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He probably intended to hand it to some 47%-er, to feed to his family. Mitt's GOP handlers cut the taping short before that could happen.

  • bibliotequetress

    OT but not: to the best of my knowledge, Mittens has not returned to his "home" state since it was attacked by a hurricane. Has anyone heard otherwise? Anyone from Belmont here?

    Or is it just a matter that, after you collect enough houses, you stop noticing if you lose one here & there?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "The worst thing about Romney is we never know what the worst thing is."

    (Totally stolen from Esquire.com commenter Barry Friedman.)

    • Negropolis

      Honestly, this is the most brilliant description of Romney I've seen. There is no bottom to his duplicity.

  • Negropolis

    Penny wise and pound fooolish, and with other people's money, no less. That's what I want in a president.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Do you have disaster insurance? If not, there's the disaster emergency room called Heaven. To get there just stay where you are and die!