seduction of the ignorant

Wingnut Matt Barber Calmly Explains Why ‘Obama’s HHS’ Is Pretty Much A Pedophile

Eight year olds, DudeOh my gosh, you guys, did you know that Barack Obama is “grooming” your innocent children to turn them into sex fiends? We’d have been unaware of this science fact were it not for totally credible (or is it “credulous”? We mix those up sometimes) wingnut freakout artist Matt Barber, the guy who angrily denounced the media for ignoring a photo of a “huge Romney rally” that was actually a huge Obama rally in 2008. He also predicted — accurately — that Obamacare would force everyone to get sex changes. In his latest opus for CNSnews, Barber makes the novel claim that all sex education is based on the research of “sexual psychopath” Alfred Kinsey, and therefore all sex ed is aimed at “grooming” children to become sex perverts.

He bases this groundbreaking assertion upon the work of his “dear friend and colleague” at Liberty University, Judith Reisman, a culture warrior who has only been making those exact claims against Kinsey, sex ed, and teh ghey since the 1980s. More recently, in 2007, she explained that the Virginia Tech shooter’s brain was poisoned by “erototoxins” generated by his pornography addiction. So you know that this is Real Science!

Discussing Reisman’s qualifications, Barber notes her prestigious résumé:

In past years, Dr. Reisman has served as scientific consultant to four U.S. Department of Justice administrations, the U.S. Department of Education and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

This actually says more about the paranoid tendencies of the Reagan-Bush Justice Departments than it does about her reliability as a researcher, of course. It’s sort of like lauding Todd Akin and Paul Broun for their service on the House Science Committee. (For another thing, just as Your Correspondent is a PhD in Rhetoric & Composition who should not be trusted to wield a scalpel, “Dr. Reisman” has a PhD in communication, not medicine.)

But yes, let’s go on.

According to Barber (from Reisman, of course), Kinsey’s research involved monstrous sexual experimentation upon children:

Kinsey facilitated, with stopwatches and ledgers, the systematic sexual abuse of hundreds, if not thousands, of children and infants – all in the name of science.

Among other things, Kinsey asserted that children are “sexual from birth.” He further concluded, based upon experiments he directed and documented in his infamous Table 34, that adult-child sex is harmless, even beneficial, and described child “orgasm” as “culminating in extreme trembling, collapse, loss of color, and sometimes fainting. …”

That’s utterly despicable! We mean, of course, that it’s utterly despicable to claim, as Reisman and Barber do, that Kinsey or his researchers performed or encouraged anyone else to perform sex acts on children, a claim directly refuted by the Kinsey Institute, which noted that Kinsey disclosed his sources in his 1948 report, and that “The bulk of this information was obtained from adults recalling their own childhoods.” Kinsey also spoke to parents and teachers who had observed children’s behavior, and interviewed 9 men who had had sex with children — disgusting men, but interviewing them about past actions is a far cry from Reisman’s claim that the data had been “gleaned from children [Kinsey] and his team violated around the clock.” We look forward to her exposé of the hundreds of murders committed by criminologists who have interviewed convicted killers.

So. After lying about Kinsey’s research, Barber goes on to lie about the entire field of “today’s liberal ‘comprehensive sex education’ curricula,” claiming that all such education “is derived entirely from the criminally fraudulent research of Alfred Kinsey.” This only makes sense, because just as no biologist has done any research on evolution since Darwin, it only stands to reason that no one has done any new research on human sexuality since the 1950s.

Barber continues:

But even more troubling is a recent discovery by Dr. Reisman. She found that the Obama administration, which fully embraces the debunked Kinsey sex-education model, has begun pushing a curriculum that, in many ways, eerily mirrors the “FBI Molester Grooming Paradigm.”

In short, she found that both Obama’s HHS and many public sex-education programs are doing to children, constructively, what pedophiles do to “groom” them for sex

Among chilling parallels that Barber says Reisman found between sex ed and child molestation:

  • Pedophiles “commonly use pornography to teach or give instructions to naïve children” — and sex ed classes have “Graphic sexual images and explicit ‘values neutral’ talk of sex and sexuality,” which is exactly the same thing!
  • Molesters “lower the sexual inhibitions of children” and “desensitize children to sex.” Comprehensive sex ed seeks to normalize talking about sex — Totally like perverts do! We bet that those filthy perverts even allow giggling!
  • “Offenders commonly use pornographic images of other children to arouse victims, particularly those in adolescence.” And sex ed is full of filthy diagrams and talk about “penis” and “vagina” and… oh, my, we are feeling faint here!

So anyhow, Barber continues with a lot of butthurt about how he’d expect a lot of filthy sex talk from the likes of Jerry Sandusky, but is shocked, shocked that the President of the United States believes in such “criminally reckless” practices that amount to “‘grooming’ children for sex”:

During the 2008 presidential campaign, a then-Sen. Barack Obama spoke about teaching “comprehensive sex education” to kindergartners: “It’s the right thing to do … to provide age-appropriate sex education, science-based sex education in schools,” he said.

And by “science-based,” of course, he meant “Kinsey-based.”

So, what is age appropriate, science-based sex education? Well, we know what Alfred Kinsey thought was “age appropriate.” We know what he considered “science-based.”

We truly fear that Mr. Barber may soon be literally pummelled to death by a giant man made entirely out of straw. Also, too, we invite you to fap to this incredibly libidinous pornographic image from a sexual education manual:

Suddenly we feel all tingly

Just don’t let the erototoxins drive you too crazy.

[CNSnews]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Crank_Tango

    Hate to tell you wingnuts, but pedophilia accusations pretty much work on the "he who smelt it dealt it" principle.

    • HogeyeGrex

      If their hand wringing over pedophilia is anything like their hand wringing over teh ghey, this fella's basement has seen more eight year olds than a cheap liquor store.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Does this apply to Larry Klayman?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I was thinking the same thing….from my post about nasty John "Obama's flowering daughters" Nolte: 10-1 this guy or one of these other wingnuts is soon in an orange jumpsuit with a child tearfully pointing to a doll and saying "he touched me there". This bullshit about Kinsey is beyond the pail but it does make perfect sense that these twisted, prudish creatures are STILL bitching about him. By the way, knuckle-walker: social scientists have well defined and ACTUAL ethics they (we…if I decide not to go into law) must abide by…I'm not talking about abstract 'valyuhs' that with wingnuts are completely fungible when cash is involved, no I mean actual ethics. Kinsey was a first in his field and advanced a great deal of what we know about the science of human sexuality….so fuck you, Barber, you're probably a sicker sexual degenerate than the moral degeneracy of an evangelical take your money and teach you bullshit 'professor' Reisman is.

  • SorosBot

    Hey that's not what Rule 34 is!

  • HempDogbane

    Most of us manage to become sex fiends w/o the grooming.

  • snowpointsecret

    Sounds like he'd rather sex ed to be a "hands-on" approach.

    • cousinitt

      John Cleese beat him to it.

  • Goonemeritus

    Maybe as a species we just aren’t mature enough for sex yet.

  • ttommyunger

    Does not look familiar. Oh well, it's been awhile.

  • Barbara_

    Todd Akin is full of "shucks" according to this diagram of some fiber-loving woman's junk that is posted.

    I can't find the part in the anatomical diagram that is used to find the remote control. I know that men lack this highly sensitive organ.

    • ttommyunger

      The looking is almost as fun as teh finding.

  • SorosBot

    This is the world of the crazed fundies, in which anyone who is not a Victorian sexually repressed uptight prude, but actually acknowledges that sex is fun and can be enjoyed on its own instead of just tolerated for procreation (especially for women), is somehow a pervert and sexual predator instead of a normal functional human being.

    • MissTaken

      Pervert.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Get a room, you two.

        • SorosBot

          That's been delayed by the hurricane sandly.

          • MissTaken

            Sandly? It's okay, there's nothing sandly in my Family Keeper Intacter.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            More Information, please. (leers helpfully at SB AND MissVeryMuchTaken)

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Yeah, pics or gtfo.

        • FeloniousMonk

          Or more compatible avatars. I'm plagued by very disturbing images.

      • SorosBot

        I know you are, but what am I? :)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Sexual predator.

  • AlterNewt

    This may swing my vote for Romney.

    Edit/ I mean, because, y'know, you just hear all these bad things about Obama and some of them have to be true, or like, sorta true, right?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I have a very nice piece of Florida real estate you might be interested in buying. And also there's this lovely, big bridge I have for sale in New York…

      • AlterNewt

        Jeepers, that sounds swell.

  • StillGoinGreen

    Hey, I want one of thse Obamacare sex change thingies. I want to change mine from "NO!!! – I'm too tired" to "Honey, I brought Susan from accounting home for you to play with while I watch Dancing W/The Stars".

    • tracyhasfun

      oMG I laughed so hard my kid came running out of his room.

      • StillGoinGreen

        Oh, please God, tell me you peed a little. It has always been my dream to make someone "pee a little".

      • StillGoinGreen

        Do you think it was a coincidence, or Freudean slip that I missed the "O"?

    • Negropolis

      Comment of the Day.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Don't worry, the fundies are hard at work coming up with a vaccine for erototoxicity.

    • Beowoof

      With Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Newt Gingrich I do believe they have found the mechanism for limiting female desire. Dame Noonington has that effect on me. So that may be the male vaccine.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        They'd like to be vaccinating males, if you know what I mean. And I b'leev you do.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Hi sweetie.

  • SexySmurf

    I'm really concerned now about these erototoxin doohickeys. Is there any way I can excrete them from my body using some kind of manual method?

    Preferably into an old sock.

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Yes, but it requires a long course of repeated treatments.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Repeated VERY often. Although if you convince some attractive and friendly person of the desired gender to assist you, you may find you tire sooner.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Thanks for the illustration – Florida really has changed!….

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Sea Level Rise.

    • coolhandnuke

      I thought it was Miss Issippi.

      • StillGoinGreen

        Isn't the lie hole at the mouth of the Virginia?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Hurricanes, tornadoes, and stupid governors will do that to a state.

  • emmelemm

    I love the smell of erototoxins in the morning.

    (Seriously, what?)

    • EnnuiThereYet?

      If your dermatologist injects you with erotoxins, you get a permanent O face.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I'll look like Obama? COOL!

      • Biff

        Just beware of the erototoxic shock syndrome!

    • CommieLibunatic

      Sounds as credible as the pyrotron, a theoretical (read: batshit crazy bullshit) particle responsible for spontaneous human combustion.

      • Mittaplasia

        Like what killed one of the Spinal Tap drummers?

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          You can't dust for vomit.

    • mrpuma2u

      Yup right up there with "retsin" "dilithium crystals" and "thetans" as bogus pseudo-science terms.

      • emmelemm

        Midichlorians!

        • HistoriCat

          Too soon!

          • emmelemm
          • Lascauxcaveman

            Had no idea Geo Lucas was that fat.

          • Doktor Zoom

            Manchy kabook noonee Solo, ho ho ho!

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'll show you when I see you next.

      • emmelemm

        Don't threaten me with a good time, you.

        • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Just to warn you, it involves an injection, if you know what I mean.

          • emmelemm

            A hot beef injection?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Did Matt Barber's parents forget to tell him that the whole "stork" thing was just a myth?

  • Lucidamente1

    When a wingnut has an idea, his brain has a way of shutting that whole thing down.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Pfff, I wish. If anything, the opposite seems to be true.

    • tracyhasfun

      Yes but the LIE HOLE keeps flapping away…

  • Sophist:GinghamStyle

    I hate to tell you this, but there is already a program for grooming children to have sex: it's called puberty.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      And it comes free. No opt-out, tho.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "Sin Button" hahahahah! That's my new name for the little man in the boat.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I always went with "the salty BB."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Me likey!

  • gullywompr

    I'm a Kinsey Kid!

    • Swampgas_Man

      I'm the Kinseyest!

  • noodlesalad

    Sex researcher at Liberty University has to be one of the worstest jobs ever.

    • Beowoof

      Well if you are into spying on people I am sure you can find lots of masturbation going on in both the male and female dorms.

      • noodlesalad

        It wouldn't be Liberty (C) University if there wasn't a lot of warrantless spying going on!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I suspect you'd get a lot of time to, you know, lurk at Wonkette and stuff. (looks around nervously)

      • noodlesalad

        This would explain the sudden Christianist vitriol against frontbutt.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Not to mention the surge (!) in buttsechs among Young Christianists.

  • An_Outhouse

    A good lie never gets old and sometimes, with enough repitition, it comes true! G.W. Bush pickled his brain with alcohol and cocaine, releasing erototoxins, and therefore is a baby raper.

    • bikerlaureate

      I read that on the internet (just now), and it explains so much about how lust came into being at the same time as all of these perverted websites on teh Google.

  • coolhandnuke

    I was undecided until I located the Sin Button and pressed it repeatedly. Now I know what lever to push.

    • SorosBot

      Pressing the Sin Button is very fun; I hope any straight guy who doesn't know how to do so doesn't have a wife or girlfriend, and pity those women stuck with such a hapless clod.

      • coolhandnuke

        I see Donald Trump as the archetype of the hapless clod with his short-thumbed vulgarian greedy tentacles probing for a silver dollar in a change slot.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          And now I'm never having sex again.

        • StillGoinGreen

          That is a horrible thing for you to do – until you gave it to the Donald, the "change slot" was for all of us. Now, I will feel dirty every time I troll the "change slot".

          • coolhandnuke

            My condolences on my alignment of words altering your atavistic calling. May you find the hope and change in another time slot.

      • CommieLibunatic

        I guess I should get a book or something. Maybe there's an FAQ online somewhere?

  • bikerlaureate

    Condemnation of this brand new "sex education" idea is derived entirely from the criminally fraudulent research of Judith Reisman.

  • Cleopatriot

    I know someone who is at Liberty U studying to be a nurse. Seriously. Which means I will be asking every nurse I ever have to see professionally if they went to LU, and if so, may I please have a different nurse? You know, one with real credentials?

    • thebeatgoeson

      I know an RN who took an online nursing course from Liberty to get her BSN. She said the nursing courses were fine, but she was required to take religion courses as well. This is a left leaning person who was raised by 2 lesbians. She burned that religion text when she was done. I saw it. It was completely odious. Each chapter about a different religion always ended with why that religion was completely wrong and how you could proselytize to someone of that faith to convert them so they could be saved from hell.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Erototoxins? Even their made up science is a libido-killer.

  • SoBeach

    These people. Good thing nobody can see what's really going on in their heads when their special parts perk up.

  • bikerlaureate

    In short, she found that both Obama’s HHS and many public sex-education programs are doing to children, constructively, what pedophiles do to “groom” them for sex:

    How did that word get in there?

    Nothing's more safely constructive than abstinence.

  • cheetojeebus

    Reisman must be a real treat in the sack.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Dunno — she could be like Faye Dunaway in Little Big Man.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm visualizing Nurse Ratched.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I'm trying *not* to.

    • tracyhasfun

      Like a rock in Charlie Brown's Halloween bag.

    • rmjagg

      if you like fucking pus …

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I heard that Obama (pervert) has started putting erototoxins in the water, like flouride.

    • OzoneTom

      Water, you mean like from the toilet?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Toothy, that post. Lapped it right up.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?

    • not that Dewey

      That's how he keeps the Orgasmatron cooled. Erototoxins have an ENORMOUS heat capacity.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You're so … *colourful* sometimes, ntD.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Funny, I don't see that particular detail in the drawings.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Jesus, I don't want something that turns erotica toxic, wut's wrong with these dumb fuckers?

  • snowpointsecret

    "You can push my sin button any day" is either a great or terrible pickup line. I'm undecided on which it is.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I forgot to include this fine illustration by Mimi Pond, from National Lampoon in 1983.

  • Blueb4sinrise
    • AlterNewt

      Mmmm hmmmm.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, that was SO fuckin' SWEET. Thank you. (Grabs your ears and kisses you on both cheeks)

  • PuckStopsHere

    These guys wouldn't recognize Real Science if it flooded their subway system.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Or if it filled their shucks-chutes with erototoxins.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Reading that post was just like a Liberty University professor's sex life — two minutes of ignorance and fear.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Funny, that describes their academic training as well

    • iTuna

      Wookies, you are one of my favorite internet people, and have been for years. Keep up the good work.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Thank you for the compliment — now I feel all warm inside. Probably from the erototoxins.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          QUICK! They'll KILL you if you don't get rid of them immediately.

          Masturbation works.

    • rmjagg

      followed by and hour of scrubbing with pine sol in a very hot shower

    • Negropolis

      Hell, two minutes if she's lucky.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    They keep promising me sexual perversion, but so far have not delivered. This alone is a reason not to vote for them.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I'm guessing leather, scat and ball gags are the mildest kind of sex this guy's into.

  • Fairtackle

    So sex ed is only okay if there are no illustrations and actual anatomical names for the equipment can not be used. Descriptions must be vague and confusing enough that a child will have no idea what is being talked about. Add a lot of shame, fear and disgust and you have the perfect recipe for sexual health.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Well, you're describing *his* sex life. I mean, how is HE supposed to know any different?

  • Callyson

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

    • emmelemm

      Nicely done.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You really should start sticking a ™ on that phrase.

      • Callyson

        LOL…but I actually think I picked it up from another Wonketteer.

  • http://wonkette.com John Birf Society

    This guy had a thought once. It died of loneliness.

  • rickmaci

    "…all sex ed is aimed at “grooming” children to become sex perverts."

    Hmmm. Seems like I got all the intended "grooming" from those high school classes. Can somebody please pass the porn?

  • LIT_Fag

    My porn induced erototoxins just make me tired after orgasming.

  • SmutBoffin

    So what kind of toxins does Barber's brain contain? The kind that come out when you furiously masturbate to pictures of flags and guns and Anne Coulter and ChikFilA sammiches?

    Ya know…wingnut-ase.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Dumbotoxins.

  • cheetojeebus

    Reisman was, wait for it… surprise ! surprise ! a singer on the Captain Kangaroo Show.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    No snark: Years ago i taught a daughter of Kinsey. She believed that harassment by the right killed her father.

  • MissTaken

    And you fools *thought* that Dok spared you, but you don't realize that My Little Ponies also have a Lie Hole next to their Ewww.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Is nothing sacred?

      That's why they call her Pinkie Pie.

    • HistoriCat

      Well, NOW I feel dirty. Thanks a lot!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Me too. Let's make her do it again.

    • Angry_Marmot

      I feel dirty now and sincerely want to thank you.

  • elviouslyqueer

    *puts on Big Academic Researcher Brain*

    According to PsycInfo (journal database), "Dr." Judith Reisman hasn't publishing anything worth indexing since 1994. AND she wrote her dissertation on the scintillating topic, "Compensatory eye movements in infants." In 1987.

    Quite a find ya got there, Matt Barber. Quite. a. find.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      That's not the same Judith Reisman. The one who wrote the 1987 dissertation was on the faculty of the University of Minnesota teaching physical and occupational therapy (she is J. E. Reisman in the NIH database).

      Wingnut Judith Reisman has degrees in communications from Case Western Reserve.

      • elviouslyqueer

        GAH. Oh, wait. I think I found wingnut Judith Reisman. She's got an article on porn (1985) and a book chapter on… porn (child porn, to be precise) from 1994.

        Apologies to the non-wingnut Judith Reisman.

        • emmelemm

          So, in other words, she likes to "study" porn. Academically. A lot. I said "academically"!

          • HogeyeGrex

            Ding-ding-ding! Give that customer a kewpie doll.

            Now, show us where, on the kewpie doll Reisman touched you.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Funny, that's exactly what my hubster said when I found his ENORMOUS stacks of porn-related reading materials. In his defense, and to be fair, he donated a lot of it to the Kinsey ppl, and they actually thanked him for it.

          • emmelemm

            So, the hubster's porn collection was so outré that it tickled the Kinsey-ans, huh? That's impressive.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I was impressed. He's still a tad resentful, but only just a little.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I think I remember reading about her early research back in the 80's which proved that men get violent when they see pictures naked female breasts.

          Anecdotally speaking, from personal experience and extensive interviews among my male peers, I posit that she is 100% full of shit on that point.

      • FeloniousMonk

        Oh dear. Through Wikipedia I find that Max Blumenthal has evidence that Reisman was deranged by her daughter being molested. Does the "don't mock the PENIS lady" rule apply, or does her decades-long history of being encouraged by the wingnuts to air her obsessions in public mean she's fair game?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I think the "don't mock the retarded" rule might come into play.

          Then again, we freely roast the likes of One-L Bachmann, Mann Coulter, and Oily Taintz. I say, go for it.

          • FeloniousMonk

            Actually I can't think of anything clever to say about her; a sad case, I think. I *was* surprised to find that "retard" is still a live issue. I thought it had moved into the category of "idiot" and "moron" — used to be a technical term, no longer used for people with real problems, and therefore available for insults. What are the allowable insults for dumbshits? Feel free to illustrate with references to myself.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Whatever term the professionals settle on (cretin, imbecile, mongoloid, etc.), the snarking class inevitably latches on to it, and after being in use for a while it gets the 'politically incorrect' label, and you get scolded for using it. Meanwhile the pros have come up with another term.
            Get all lathered up, rinse, and repeat.

        • Doktor Zoom

          How about "enthusiastically mock the cynical fuckers who exploit her tragic obsession"? I can get completely behind that.

  • RomneysLogCabin

    On a related topic, if you were a furry, what creature would you be?

    Me first: Pink Panther.
    Your move.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Running. Very fast.

      • snowpointsecret

        Doktor Zoom is Sonic?

        • Doktor Zoom
          • snowpointsecret

            Well that's something that'll be hard to unsee…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That's kind of (pauses thoughtfully) exciting. In a totally sick and perverted way, of course.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hobbes the Tiger.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I gotta say, you look an awful lot like him already.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      A version of me who really needs a different hobby.

    • tessiee

      I'm already the black sheep of my family; does that count?

    • Negropolis

      Pikachu; definitely Pikachu.

  • CommieDad

    Wow. I like it. This must be why sex education is one of the most effective tools to prevent unwanted pregnancies. You see it works like this:

    For Boys:

    * Watch Sex Ed video, get boner.
    * Have sex with teacher (male or post-menopausal)
    * Become gay or develop grannie porn fixation

    For Girls:

    * Watch Sex Ed video, mind flooded with erototoxins.
    * Have sex with teacher (male or post-menopausal)
    * Teacher drives you to abortion clinic.

    It all makes sense. I say we switch to the "Texas" model:

    * Not watch sex video.
    * Have sex, use rhythm method to avoid pregnancy
    * Learn that rhythm method is not 4/4 fucking
    * Have baby

    OR
    * Not watch sex video.
    * Place condom on foot or take tic-tacs instead of birth control
    * Not know that sticking what-what in the who-who is actually sex.
    * Have baby

    Wow. Fucking liberals.

  • delaney_blom

    Do erototoxins cause blindness?

    • RedneckMuslin

      I'm over here.

      • Tommmcatt_Again

        Holy shit, you just won the Internet for the day.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Do erototoxins cause blindness?

      Yes, but only temporarily, and you have to toss a whole bucket of them in your attacker's face.

      • Negropolis

        Just don't get them in the hair.

  • not that Dewey

    I get all my erototoxins from licking toads.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “FBI Molester Grooming Paradigm.”

    I had an interview with an FBI agent last week relating to alleged misconduct by one of my co-workers over in the Middle East. I wish I had known about this paradigm at the time, he was an interesting guy and might have shone a little knowledge on me.

    • MissTaken

      I assume grooming molesters is similar to grooming non-molesters. Hair grows and needs to be trimmed in about the same time frame regardless of your sexual perversions, I would think.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Pedicures for pedophiles.

        • Angry_Marmot

          Highlights for catamites!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Not cat-hair? I mean, I have a few bales I could spare.

          • Gleem McShineys

            Fresh looks for Frotteurists!

          • tessiee

            Mustaches for molesters.
            …oh, wait.

    • CommieDad

      Ah yes… reminds me of the time (when I was working) that over the PA it was announced, "Mr. Allen, please come to the small conference room, the FBI is here to see you." It was just a background check for a friend getting a job requiring security clearance.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    RE: the diagram of ladybits. What, no taint?

    • HogeyeGrex

      According to Akin, all ladybits are tainted.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Is it drinky time yet? I think it is!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    did you know that Barack Obama is “grooming” your innocent children to turn them into sex fiends?

    well i sure as hell hope so.

  • PhilippePetain

    Having Rod Stewart stare wanly at me while I'm reading this article is really creeping me out.

    • MissTaken

      That's just nausea from the erototoxin load flooding your bloodstream. It will pass soon enough.

      • PhilippePetain

        I feel like getting my stomach pumped because I swallowed a gallon of erototoxins!

    • tessiee

      And yet, somehow, not entirely inappropriate over an article about pre-verts.

  • mavenmaven

    Don't forget that Obama is black, so you know all he wants to do is seduce white women, so why not start when they are young. WND knows that for a FACT.

    • hagajim

      Where's all da white wimmin!

  • Not_So_Much

    All this time I thought my career was a failure, but it's just an excess of erototoxins? Thanks Matt Barber!!

  • RedneckMuslin

    No doubt he's doing it wrong.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Oh, oh…I made a mistake and actually went to the HHS link – Matt Barber is a purposeful liar and a political psychopath….it took all my snark away – does anyone have any spare erototoxins?….

    • tessiee

      No, but I've got some Brawndo you can have.

  • MissTaken

    That diagram makes no sense. It totally skips over the vagina dentata.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      And where is the organ that controls making sammiches? Up higher on the page?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      And where's the part that says "Here there be monsters?"

      • HogeyeGrex

        All of it, Katie?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Oh, you're one of those "flat womaners".

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I prefer them really stacked myself.

    • redarmyzombie

      So, which part decides legitimate rape?

      • MissTaken

        The Legitimate Bladder pisses all over it.

  • Botlrokit

    I could be mistaken, but the urge to fuck is what "grooms us for sex".

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Since I got my Kinsey-based sex education in the 70's, I thought all sex occurred behind green doors.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I wondered why your house looked like that.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Erototoxins? Is there a four hour warning?

  • Botlrokit

    You know what else is "scienced-based sex education"?

    Saying the wrong name.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Hey, new person! Welcome to the Monkey House!

    • tessiee

      Why do you think the word "darling" was invented?

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    The Erototoxins

    Thanks for naming my new band, Liberty U.

  • larrykat

    "Erototoxins" sounds like something Ming the Merciless would shoot out of a ray gun at Flash Gordon.

  • Ruhe

    When the erototoxins are delivered by a dark-skinned, crypto-muslim they are technically known as afro-disiacs. If Barber and Reisman failed to make that connection in their research then they clearly don't know what they're talking about.

    • Botlrokit

      Why do I naturally think "term paper" when I see Barber and Reisman cited?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Research?…….you must mean searching through their child porn collections….

    • tessiee

      "When the erototoxins are delivered by a dark-skinned, crypto-muslim they are technically known as afro-disiacs."

      But if they're delivered by a fair-skinned socialist furriner from one of those godless countries that isn't #1, they might be eurotoxins.

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    There once was a man from Khartoum
    who invited a boy to his room.
    They stayed up all night
    in a terrible fight
    over what went in where and by whom.

    • tessiee

      A bisexual caveman named Roy
      Befriended a long-haired young boy.
      He thought it was fair
      To be dragged by his hair
      But the club up his ass was no joy.

  • gullywompr

    Hey! You got your Kinsey in my kid!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I am looking forward to learning more about erototoxins in Dok Zoom's Christian biology text.

  • MiniMencken

    Is not spreading misinformation about important topics treasonous? Are there no honourable knights and men-at-arms who would rid our realm of these pestilential mountebanks? I ask you, good people, where are the men of action?

  • Beowoof

    Why sex ed would mean that people would know stuff and the church could no longer run their bullshit by everybody and scare the shit out of them about boners and wet undies meaning you will burn in hell. Well Judy, I have some advice, get laid, give a blow job and lighten up honey.

  • Mittaplasia

    If I run low on erototoxins, will Obamacare cover replacement therapy for me?

  • HarryButtle

    They go to such great lengths to deny legitimate science and then they turn around and make this kind of shit up…I don't think "science" means what they think it means.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Bachmann offers up herself (as an example)

    September 29, 2011 – 5:47 AM

    LYNCHBURG, VA. – Zeroing in on her evangelical base, Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann told 10,000 students at the nation's largest Christian university Wednesday not to compromise in their personal, spiritual or political beliefs.

    "Don't settle, that's what Jesus says to us," the Minnesota Republican told a convocation of students at Liberty University, a religious school founded 40 years ago by the late televangelist Jerry Falwell.

    Bachmann offered personal advice based on her own life, including a look inside her marriage to Twin Cities Christian therapist Marcus Bachmann, a close political adviser who accompanied her to the sprawling campus in the Virginia foothills.
    http://www.startribune.com/politics/national/1307

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Example of WUT, dude? She's an example of a buncha stuff, none of it positive.

  • Dr. Matt

    I get erototoxin OD'ed every time I visit the produce section of the grocery store.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "I think vegetables can be very … sensuous, don't you?"

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        (eyes durian nervously)

        Are durians a vegetable?

        • bobbert

          Chemical weapon.

      • tessiee

        *eyes Lascaux flirtatiously*
        No, vegetables are sensual.
        *People* are sensuous.

  • redarmyzombie

    Sexual…psychopath? Could someone explain the meaning of these two words put together, please?

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      Chris Christie.

      His love of the jelly donut extends beyond that of a mere gourmand.

      • redarmyzombie

        And of course, I missed a PERFECTLY good opportunity for a David Vitter joke…

  • MinAgain

    described child “orgasm” as “culminating in extreme trembling, collapse, loss of color, and sometimes fainting.

    I had no idea that I had such a deprived childhood.

    • redarmyzombie

      To be fair, I think that about accurately describes everyone's first time…

  • chascates

    Have any of the GOP candidates come out in favor of forcing sexytime sinners to wear a scarlet letter?

  • decentcitizen

    I've got news for you. It's not sex wingnuts are afraid of, it's honesty.

  • chascates

    Sex education belongs back where it used to be–in the pool rooms of working class America.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Right here? In River City?

  • MonkeyMotion

    So the Obama Administration is grooming lots of Roman Catholic priests?

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    God, I hate when I have to get groomed for sex. So my beard is scratchy. Is it really that bad?

    • emmelemm

      Is this my cue?

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I knew You were grooming me.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Some guys like rough trade.

    • Gleem McShineys

      "My beard is scratchy" is what Marcus says when Michele doesn't shave her legs.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    We always referred to "erototoxins" by their street name, such as "tequila."

  • rmjagg

    sorry , but barber and reisman are human sewage . the end

  • tessiee

    Jerome Corsi is absolutely sick that he didn't think of this first.

  • tessiee

    True story:
    We had the Sex Ed movie in Health class (not the period movie, the other one) that had the cross-section anatomical drawing like the one pictured above, only of the male body.
    There was a stunned silence for a moment as we figured out what the heck we were supposed to be looking at, then one of the other girls in class blurted out:
    "EWWWW!! That's his BOOTY!"

  • tessiee

    I can hardly wait for the Beka textbook.
    Also, the Jon McNaughton painting.

  • tessiee

    "children [Kinsey] and his team violated around the clock.”

    And let me tell you, scheduling that was an absolute NIGHTMARE, thank you very much liberal union thugs and your stupid wage and hour laws!

  • tessiee

    WTF, no fetus in the ladybits picture?

  • thebeatgoeson

    There was a mentally challenged young man named Matthew Barber in my neighborhood years ago. Last I remember he would walk by repeatedly and ask us "do you remember that black car you used to have?" And he made his dog chase my cat, who ran up a tree, fell out, and died of internal injuries a couple days later. Do you suppose he grew up and became a wing nut?!

  • Negropolis

    Wait, is this bastard really comparing simple sex ed to pedophilia? Really?

    Really, I can't take much more of this. We're going to have to start picking the higher-hanging fruit, because this is just sheer insanity nearest to the ground.

  • Negropolis

    You see, kids, when a quack scientist and her jesus love each other very much…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Matt Barber has issues.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, this is an improvement. I can get to a post. But it's the latest post I can get to. I guess time has decided to stand still.

    • gullywompr

      Romney won?

  • ttommyunger

    …on the other hand, I have no problem fapping to this.