seduction of the ignorant

Wingnut Matt Barber Calmly Explains Why ‘Obama’s HHS’ Is Pretty Much A Pedophile

Eight year olds, DudeOh my gosh, you guys, did you know that Barack Obama is “grooming” your innocent children to turn them into sex fiends? We’d have been unaware of this science fact were it not for totally credible (or is it “credulous”? We mix those up sometimes) wingnut freakout artist Matt Barber, the guy who angrily denounced the media for ignoring a photo of a “huge Romney rally” that was actually a huge Obama rally in 2008. He also predicted — accurately — that Obamacare would force everyone to get sex changes. In his latest opus for CNSnews, Barber makes the novel claim that all sex education is based on the research of “sexual psychopath” Alfred Kinsey, and therefore all sex ed is aimed at “grooming” children to become sex perverts.

He bases this groundbreaking assertion upon the work of his “dear friend and colleague” at Liberty University, Judith Reisman, a culture warrior who has only been making those exact claims against Kinsey, sex ed, and teh ghey since the 1980s. More recently, in 2007, she explained that the Virginia Tech shooter’s brain was poisoned by “erototoxins” generated by his pornography addiction. So you know that this is Real Science!

Discussing Reisman’s qualifications, Barber notes her prestigious résumé:

In past years, Dr. Reisman has served as scientific consultant to four U.S. Department of Justice administrations, the U.S. Department of Education and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

This actually says more about the paranoid tendencies of the Reagan-Bush Justice Departments than it does about her reliability as a researcher, of course. It’s sort of like lauding Todd Akin and Paul Broun for their service on the House Science Committee. (For another thing, just as Your Correspondent is a PhD in Rhetoric & Composition who should not be trusted to wield a scalpel, “Dr. Reisman” has a PhD in communication, not medicine.)

But yes, let’s go on.

According to Barber (from Reisman, of course), Kinsey’s research involved monstrous sexual experimentation upon children:

Kinsey facilitated, with stopwatches and ledgers, the systematic sexual abuse of hundreds, if not thousands, of children and infants – all in the name of science.

Among other things, Kinsey asserted that children are “sexual from birth.” He further concluded, based upon experiments he directed and documented in his infamous Table 34, that adult-child sex is harmless, even beneficial, and described child “orgasm” as “culminating in extreme trembling, collapse, loss of color, and sometimes fainting. …”

That’s utterly despicable! We mean, of course, that it’s utterly despicable to claim, as Reisman and Barber do, that Kinsey or his researchers performed or encouraged anyone else to perform sex acts on children, a claim directly refuted by the Kinsey Institute, which noted that Kinsey disclosed his sources in his 1948 report, and that “The bulk of this information was obtained from adults recalling their own childhoods.” Kinsey also spoke to parents and teachers who had observed children’s behavior, and interviewed 9 men who had had sex with children — disgusting men, but interviewing them about past actions is a far cry from Reisman’s claim that the data had been “gleaned from children [Kinsey] and his team violated around the clock.” We look forward to her exposé of the hundreds of murders committed by criminologists who have interviewed convicted killers.

So. After lying about Kinsey’s research, Barber goes on to lie about the entire field of “today’s liberal ‘comprehensive sex education’ curricula,” claiming that all such education “is derived entirely from the criminally fraudulent research of Alfred Kinsey.” This only makes sense, because just as no biologist has done any research on evolution since Darwin, it only stands to reason that no one has done any new research on human sexuality since the 1950s.

Barber continues:

But even more troubling is a recent discovery by Dr. Reisman. She found that the Obama administration, which fully embraces the debunked Kinsey sex-education model, has begun pushing a curriculum that, in many ways, eerily mirrors the “FBI Molester Grooming Paradigm.”

In short, she found that both Obama’s HHS and many public sex-education programs are doing to children, constructively, what pedophiles do to “groom” them for sex

Among chilling parallels that Barber says Reisman found between sex ed and child molestation:

  • Pedophiles “commonly use pornography to teach or give instructions to naïve children” — and sex ed classes have “Graphic sexual images and explicit ‘values neutral’ talk of sex and sexuality,” which is exactly the same thing!
  • Molesters “lower the sexual inhibitions of children” and “desensitize children to sex.” Comprehensive sex ed seeks to normalize talking about sex — Totally like perverts do! We bet that those filthy perverts even allow giggling!
  • “Offenders commonly use pornographic images of other children to arouse victims, particularly those in adolescence.” And sex ed is full of filthy diagrams and talk about “penis” and “vagina” and… oh, my, we are feeling faint here!

So anyhow, Barber continues with a lot of butthurt about how he’d expect a lot of filthy sex talk from the likes of Jerry Sandusky, but is shocked, shocked that the President of the United States believes in such “criminally reckless” practices that amount to “‘grooming’ children for sex”:

During the 2008 presidential campaign, a then-Sen. Barack Obama spoke about teaching “comprehensive sex education” to kindergartners: “It’s the right thing to do … to provide age-appropriate sex education, science-based sex education in schools,” he said.

And by “science-based,” of course, he meant “Kinsey-based.”

So, what is age appropriate, science-based sex education? Well, we know what Alfred Kinsey thought was “age appropriate.” We know what he considered “science-based.”

We truly fear that Mr. Barber may soon be literally pummelled to death by a giant man made entirely out of straw. Also, too, we invite you to fap to this incredibly libidinous pornographic image from a sexual education manual:

Suddenly we feel all tingly

Just don’t let the erototoxins drive you too crazy.


About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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  1. Crank_Tango

    Hate to tell you wingnuts, but pedophilia accusations pretty much work on the "he who smelt it dealt it" principle.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      If their hand wringing over pedophilia is anything like their hand wringing over teh ghey, this fella's basement has seen more eight year olds than a cheap liquor store.

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I was thinking the same thing….from my post about nasty John "Obama's flowering daughters" Nolte: 10-1 this guy or one of these other wingnuts is soon in an orange jumpsuit with a child tearfully pointing to a doll and saying "he touched me there". This bullshit about Kinsey is beyond the pail but it does make perfect sense that these twisted, prudish creatures are STILL bitching about him. By the way, knuckle-walker: social scientists have well defined and ACTUAL ethics they (we…if I decide not to go into law) must abide by…I'm not talking about abstract 'valyuhs' that with wingnuts are completely fungible when cash is involved, no I mean actual ethics. Kinsey was a first in his field and advanced a great deal of what we know about the science of human sexuality….so fuck you, Barber, you're probably a sicker sexual degenerate than the moral degeneracy of an evangelical take your money and teach you bullshit 'professor' Reisman is.

  2. Barbara_

    Todd Akin is full of "shucks" according to this diagram of some fiber-loving woman's junk that is posted.

    I can't find the part in the anatomical diagram that is used to find the remote control. I know that men lack this highly sensitive organ.

  3. SorosBot

    This is the world of the crazed fundies, in which anyone who is not a Victorian sexually repressed uptight prude, but actually acknowledges that sex is fun and can be enjoyed on its own instead of just tolerated for procreation (especially for women), is somehow a pervert and sexual predator instead of a normal functional human being.

  4. AlterNewt

    This may swing my vote for Romney.

    Edit/ I mean, because, y'know, you just hear all these bad things about Obama and some of them have to be true, or like, sorta true, right?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I have a very nice piece of Florida real estate you might be interested in buying. And also there's this lovely, big bridge I have for sale in New York…

  5. StillGoinGreen

    Hey, I want one of thse Obamacare sex change thingies. I want to change mine from "NO!!! – I'm too tired" to "Honey, I brought Susan from accounting home for you to play with while I watch Dancing W/The Stars".

      1. StillGoinGreen

        Oh, please God, tell me you peed a little. It has always been my dream to make someone "pee a little".

    1. Beowoof

      With Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Newt Gingrich I do believe they have found the mechanism for limiting female desire. Dame Noonington has that effect on me. So that may be the male vaccine.

  6. SexySmurf

    I'm really concerned now about these erototoxin doohickeys. Is there any way I can excrete them from my body using some kind of manual method?

    Preferably into an old sock.

      1. MittBorg

        Repeated VERY often. Although if you convince some attractive and friendly person of the desired gender to assist you, you may find you tire sooner.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Sounds as credible as the pyrotron, a theoretical (read: batshit crazy bullshit) particle responsible for spontaneous human combustion.

    2. mrpuma2u

      Yup right up there with "retsin" "dilithium crystals" and "thetans" as bogus pseudo-science terms.

  7. OneYieldRegular

    Did Matt Barber's parents forget to tell him that the whole "stork" thing was just a myth?

  8. Sophist:GinghamStyle

    I hate to tell you this, but there is already a program for grooming children to have sex: it's called puberty.

    1. Beowoof

      Well if you are into spying on people I am sure you can find lots of masturbation going on in both the male and female dorms.

  9. An_Outhouse

    A good lie never gets old and sometimes, with enough repitition, it comes true! G.W. Bush pickled his brain with alcohol and cocaine, releasing erototoxins, and therefore is a baby raper.

    1. bikerlaureate

      I read that on the internet (just now), and it explains so much about how lust came into being at the same time as all of these perverted websites on teh Google.

  10. coolhandnuke

    I was undecided until I located the Sin Button and pressed it repeatedly. Now I know what lever to push.

    1. SorosBot

      Pressing the Sin Button is very fun; I hope any straight guy who doesn't know how to do so doesn't have a wife or girlfriend, and pity those women stuck with such a hapless clod.

      1. coolhandnuke

        I see Donald Trump as the archetype of the hapless clod with his short-thumbed vulgarian greedy tentacles probing for a silver dollar in a change slot.

        1. StillGoinGreen

          That is a horrible thing for you to do – until you gave it to the Donald, the "change slot" was for all of us. Now, I will feel dirty every time I troll the "change slot".

          1. coolhandnuke

            My condolences on my alignment of words altering your atavistic calling. May you find the hope and change in another time slot.

  11. bikerlaureate

    Condemnation of this brand new "sex education" idea is derived entirely from the criminally fraudulent research of Judith Reisman.

  12. Cleopatriot

    I know someone who is at Liberty U studying to be a nurse. Seriously. Which means I will be asking every nurse I ever have to see professionally if they went to LU, and if so, may I please have a different nurse? You know, one with real credentials?

    1. thebeatgoeson

      I know an RN who took an online nursing course from Liberty to get her BSN. She said the nursing courses were fine, but she was required to take religion courses as well. This is a left leaning person who was raised by 2 lesbians. She burned that religion text when she was done. I saw it. It was completely odious. Each chapter about a different religion always ended with why that religion was completely wrong and how you could proselytize to someone of that faith to convert them so they could be saved from hell.

  13. SoBeach

    These people. Good thing nobody can see what's really going on in their heads when their special parts perk up.

  14. bikerlaureate

    In short, she found that both Obama’s HHS and many public sex-education programs are doing to children, constructively, what pedophiles do to “groom” them for sex:

    How did that word get in there?

    Nothing's more safely constructive than abstinence.

  15. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I heard that Obama (pervert) has started putting erototoxins in the water, like flouride.

  16. snowpointsecret

    "You can push my sin button any day" is either a great or terrible pickup line. I'm undecided on which it is.

    1. iTuna

      Wookies, you are one of my favorite internet people, and have been for years. Keep up the good work.

  17. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    They keep promising me sexual perversion, but so far have not delivered. This alone is a reason not to vote for them.

  18. Fairtackle

    So sex ed is only okay if there are no illustrations and actual anatomical names for the equipment can not be used. Descriptions must be vague and confusing enough that a child will have no idea what is being talked about. Add a lot of shame, fear and disgust and you have the perfect recipe for sexual health.

  19. rickmaci

    "…all sex ed is aimed at “grooming” children to become sex perverts."

    Hmmm. Seems like I got all the intended "grooming" from those high school classes. Can somebody please pass the porn?

  20. SmutBoffin

    So what kind of toxins does Barber's brain contain? The kind that come out when you furiously masturbate to pictures of flags and guns and Anne Coulter and ChikFilA sammiches?

    Ya know…wingnut-ase.

  21. MissTaken

    And you fools *thought* that Dok spared you, but you don't realize that My Little Ponies also have a Lie Hole next to their Ewww.

  22. elviouslyqueer

    *puts on Big Academic Researcher Brain*

    According to PsycInfo (journal database), "Dr." Judith Reisman hasn't publishing anything worth indexing since 1994. AND she wrote her dissertation on the scintillating topic, "Compensatory eye movements in infants." In 1987.

    Quite a find ya got there, Matt Barber. Quite. a. find.

    1. IceCreamEmpress

      That's not the same Judith Reisman. The one who wrote the 1987 dissertation was on the faculty of the University of Minnesota teaching physical and occupational therapy (she is J. E. Reisman in the NIH database).

      Wingnut Judith Reisman has degrees in communications from Case Western Reserve.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        GAH. Oh, wait. I think I found wingnut Judith Reisman. She's got an article on porn (1985) and a book chapter on… porn (child porn, to be precise) from 1994.

        Apologies to the non-wingnut Judith Reisman.

          1. HogeyeGrex

            Ding-ding-ding! Give that customer a kewpie doll.

            Now, show us where, on the kewpie doll Reisman touched you.

          2. MittBorg

            Funny, that's exactly what my hubster said when I found his ENORMOUS stacks of porn-related reading materials. In his defense, and to be fair, he donated a lot of it to the Kinsey ppl, and they actually thanked him for it.

          3. emmelemm

            So, the hubster's porn collection was so outré that it tickled the Kinsey-ans, huh? That's impressive.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          I think I remember reading about her early research back in the 80's which proved that men get violent when they see pictures naked female breasts.

          Anecdotally speaking, from personal experience and extensive interviews among my male peers, I posit that she is 100% full of shit on that point.

      2. FeloniousMonk

        Oh dear. Through Wikipedia I find that Max Blumenthal has evidence that Reisman was deranged by her daughter being molested. Does the "don't mock the PENIS lady" rule apply, or does her decades-long history of being encouraged by the wingnuts to air her obsessions in public mean she's fair game?

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          I think the "don't mock the retarded" rule might come into play.

          Then again, we freely roast the likes of One-L Bachmann, Mann Coulter, and Oily Taintz. I say, go for it.

          1. FeloniousMonk

            Actually I can't think of anything clever to say about her; a sad case, I think. I *was* surprised to find that "retard" is still a live issue. I thought it had moved into the category of "idiot" and "moron" — used to be a technical term, no longer used for people with real problems, and therefore available for insults. What are the allowable insults for dumbshits? Feel free to illustrate with references to myself.

          2. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Whatever term the professionals settle on (cretin, imbecile, mongoloid, etc.), the snarking class inevitably latches on to it, and after being in use for a while it gets the 'politically incorrect' label, and you get scolded for using it. Meanwhile the pros have come up with another term.
            Get all lathered up, rinse, and repeat.

        2. Doktor Zoom

          How about "enthusiastically mock the cynical fuckers who exploit her tragic obsession"? I can get completely behind that.

  23. RomneysLogCabin

    On a related topic, if you were a furry, what creature would you be?

    Me first: Pink Panther.
    Your move.

  24. CommieDad

    Wow. I like it. This must be why sex education is one of the most effective tools to prevent unwanted pregnancies. You see it works like this:

    For Boys:

    * Watch Sex Ed video, get boner.
    * Have sex with teacher (male or post-menopausal)
    * Become gay or develop grannie porn fixation

    For Girls:

    * Watch Sex Ed video, mind flooded with erototoxins.
    * Have sex with teacher (male or post-menopausal)
    * Teacher drives you to abortion clinic.

    It all makes sense. I say we switch to the "Texas" model:

    * Not watch sex video.
    * Have sex, use rhythm method to avoid pregnancy
    * Learn that rhythm method is not 4/4 fucking
    * Have baby

    * Not watch sex video.
    * Place condom on foot or take tic-tacs instead of birth control
    * Not know that sticking what-what in the who-who is actually sex.
    * Have baby

    Wow. Fucking liberals.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Do erototoxins cause blindness?

      Yes, but only temporarily, and you have to toss a whole bucket of them in your attacker's face.

  25. BaldarTFlagass

    “FBI Molester Grooming Paradigm.”

    I had an interview with an FBI agent last week relating to alleged misconduct by one of my co-workers over in the Middle East. I wish I had known about this paradigm at the time, he was an interesting guy and might have shone a little knowledge on me.

    1. MissTaken

      I assume grooming molesters is similar to grooming non-molesters. Hair grows and needs to be trimmed in about the same time frame regardless of your sexual perversions, I would think.

    2. CommieDad

      Ah yes… reminds me of the time (when I was working) that over the PA it was announced, "Mr. Allen, please come to the small conference room, the FBI is here to see you." It was just a background check for a friend getting a job requiring security clearance.

  26. PhilippePetain

    Having Rod Stewart stare wanly at me while I'm reading this article is really creeping me out.

    1. MissTaken

      That's just nausea from the erototoxin load flooding your bloodstream. It will pass soon enough.

  27. mavenmaven

    Don't forget that Obama is black, so you know all he wants to do is seduce white women, so why not start when they are young. WND knows that for a FACT.

  28. Not_So_Much

    All this time I thought my career was a failure, but it's just an excess of erototoxins? Thanks Matt Barber!!

  29. Toomush_Infer

    Oh, oh…I made a mistake and actually went to the HHS link – Matt Barber is a purposeful liar and a political psychopath….it took all my snark away – does anyone have any spare erototoxins?….

  30. Native_of_SL_UT

    Since I got my Kinsey-based sex education in the 70's, I thought all sex occurred behind green doors.

  31. larrykat

    "Erototoxins" sounds like something Ming the Merciless would shoot out of a ray gun at Flash Gordon.

  32. Ruhe

    When the erototoxins are delivered by a dark-skinned, crypto-muslim they are technically known as afro-disiacs. If Barber and Reisman failed to make that connection in their research then they clearly don't know what they're talking about.

    1. tessiee

      "When the erototoxins are delivered by a dark-skinned, crypto-muslim they are technically known as afro-disiacs."

      But if they're delivered by a fair-skinned socialist furriner from one of those godless countries that isn't #1, they might be eurotoxins.

  33. SigDeFlyinMonky

    There once was a man from Khartoum
    who invited a boy to his room.
    They stayed up all night
    in a terrible fight
    over what went in where and by whom.

    1. tessiee

      A bisexual caveman named Roy
      Befriended a long-haired young boy.
      He thought it was fair
      To be dragged by his hair
      But the club up his ass was no joy.

  34. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I am looking forward to learning more about erototoxins in Dok Zoom's Christian biology text.

  35. MiniMencken

    Is not spreading misinformation about important topics treasonous? Are there no honourable knights and men-at-arms who would rid our realm of these pestilential mountebanks? I ask you, good people, where are the men of action?

  36. Beowoof

    Why sex ed would mean that people would know stuff and the church could no longer run their bullshit by everybody and scare the shit out of them about boners and wet undies meaning you will burn in hell. Well Judy, I have some advice, get laid, give a blow job and lighten up honey.

  37. HarryButtle

    They go to such great lengths to deny legitimate science and then they turn around and make this kind of shit up…I don't think "science" means what they think it means.

  38. Tundra Grifter

    Bachmann offers up herself (as an example)

    September 29, 2011 – 5:47 AM

    LYNCHBURG, VA. – Zeroing in on her evangelical base, Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann told 10,000 students at the nation's largest Christian university Wednesday not to compromise in their personal, spiritual or political beliefs.

    "Don't settle, that's what Jesus says to us," the Minnesota Republican told a convocation of students at Liberty University, a religious school founded 40 years ago by the late televangelist Jerry Falwell.

    Bachmann offered personal advice based on her own life, including a look inside her marriage to Twin Cities Christian therapist Marcus Bachmann, a close political adviser who accompanied her to the sprawling campus in the Virginia foothills.

  39. redarmyzombie

    Sexual…psychopath? Could someone explain the meaning of these two words put together, please?

  40. MinAgain

    described child “orgasm” as “culminating in extreme trembling, collapse, loss of color, and sometimes fainting.

    I had no idea that I had such a deprived childhood.

  41. chascates

    Have any of the GOP candidates come out in favor of forcing sexytime sinners to wear a scarlet letter?

  42. tessiee

    True story:
    We had the Sex Ed movie in Health class (not the period movie, the other one) that had the cross-section anatomical drawing like the one pictured above, only of the male body.
    There was a stunned silence for a moment as we figured out what the heck we were supposed to be looking at, then one of the other girls in class blurted out:
    "EWWWW!! That's his BOOTY!"

  43. tessiee

    "children [Kinsey] and his team violated around the clock.”

    And let me tell you, scheduling that was an absolute NIGHTMARE, thank you very much liberal union thugs and your stupid wage and hour laws!

  44. thebeatgoeson

    There was a mentally challenged young man named Matthew Barber in my neighborhood years ago. Last I remember he would walk by repeatedly and ask us "do you remember that black car you used to have?" And he made his dog chase my cat, who ran up a tree, fell out, and died of internal injuries a couple days later. Do you suppose he grew up and became a wing nut?!

  45. Negropolis

    Wait, is this bastard really comparing simple sex ed to pedophilia? Really?

    Really, I can't take much more of this. We're going to have to start picking the higher-hanging fruit, because this is just sheer insanity nearest to the ground.

  46. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, this is an improvement. I can get to a post. But it's the latest post I can get to. I guess time has decided to stand still.

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