HISTORY'S GREATEST MONSTER  3:18 pm October 30, 2012

Wingnut Matt Barber Calmly Explains Why ‘Obama’s HHS’ Is Pretty Much A Pedophile

by Doktor Zoom

Eight year olds, DudeOh my gosh, you guys, did you know that Barack Obama is “grooming” your innocent children to turn them into sex fiends? We’d have been unaware of this science fact were it not for totally credible (or is it “credulous”? We mix those up sometimes) wingnut freakout artist Matt Barber, the guy who angrily denounced the media for ignoring a photo of a “huge Romney rally” that was actually a huge Obama rally in 2008. He also predicted — accurately — that Obamacare would force everyone to get sex changes. In his latest opus for CNSnews, Barber makes the novel claim that all sex education is based on the research of “sexual psychopath” Alfred Kinsey, and therefore all sex ed is aimed at “grooming” children to become sex perverts.

He bases this groundbreaking assertion upon the work of his “dear friend and colleague” at Liberty University, Judith Reisman, a culture warrior who has only been making those exact claims against Kinsey, sex ed, and teh ghey since the 1980s. More recently, in 2007, she explained that the Virginia Tech shooter’s brain was poisoned by “erototoxins” generated by his pornography addiction. So you know that this is Real Science!

Discussing Reisman’s qualifications, Barber notes her prestigious résumé:

In past years, Dr. Reisman has served as scientific consultant to four U.S. Department of Justice administrations, the U.S. Department of Education and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

This actually says more about the paranoid tendencies of the Reagan-Bush Justice Departments than it does about her reliability as a researcher, of course. It’s sort of like lauding Todd Akin and Paul Broun for their service on the House Science Committee. (For another thing, just as Your Correspondent is a PhD in Rhetoric & Composition who should not be trusted to wield a scalpel, “Dr. Reisman” has a PhD in communication, not medicine.)

But yes, let’s go on.

According to Barber (from Reisman, of course), Kinsey’s research involved monstrous sexual experimentation upon children:

Kinsey facilitated, with stopwatches and ledgers, the systematic sexual abuse of hundreds, if not thousands, of children and infants – all in the name of science.

Among other things, Kinsey asserted that children are “sexual from birth.” He further concluded, based upon experiments he directed and documented in his infamous Table 34, that adult-child sex is harmless, even beneficial, and described child “orgasm” as “culminating in extreme trembling, collapse, loss of color, and sometimes fainting. …”

That’s utterly despicable! We mean, of course, that it’s utterly despicable to claim, as Reisman and Barber do, that Kinsey or his researchers performed or encouraged anyone else to perform sex acts on children, a claim directly refuted by the Kinsey Institute, which noted that Kinsey disclosed his sources in his 1948 report, and that “The bulk of this information was obtained from adults recalling their own childhoods.” Kinsey also spoke to parents and teachers who had observed children’s behavior, and interviewed 9 men who had had sex with children — disgusting men, but interviewing them about past actions is a far cry from Reisman’s claim that the data had been “gleaned from children [Kinsey] and his team violated around the clock.” We look forward to her exposé of the hundreds of murders committed by criminologists who have interviewed convicted killers.

So. After lying about Kinsey’s research, Barber goes on to lie about the entire field of “today’s liberal ‘comprehensive sex education’ curricula,” claiming that all such education “is derived entirely from the criminally fraudulent research of Alfred Kinsey.” This only makes sense, because just as no biologist has done any research on evolution since Darwin, it only stands to reason that no one has done any new research on human sexuality since the 1950s.

Barber continues:

But even more troubling is a recent discovery by Dr. Reisman. She found that the Obama administration, which fully embraces the debunked Kinsey sex-education model, has begun pushing a curriculum that, in many ways, eerily mirrors the “FBI Molester Grooming Paradigm.”

In short, she found that both Obama’s HHS and many public sex-education programs are doing to children, constructively, what pedophiles do to “groom” them for sex

Among chilling parallels that Barber says Reisman found between sex ed and child molestation:

  • Pedophiles “commonly use pornography to teach or give instructions to naïve children” — and sex ed classes have “Graphic sexual images and explicit ‘values neutral’ talk of sex and sexuality,” which is exactly the same thing!
  • Molesters “lower the sexual inhibitions of children” and “desensitize children to sex.” Comprehensive sex ed seeks to normalize talking about sex — Totally like perverts do! We bet that those filthy perverts even allow giggling!
  • “Offenders commonly use pornographic images of other children to arouse victims, particularly those in adolescence.” And sex ed is full of filthy diagrams and talk about “penis” and “vagina” and… oh, my, we are feeling faint here!

So anyhow, Barber continues with a lot of butthurt about how he’d expect a lot of filthy sex talk from the likes of Jerry Sandusky, but is shocked, shocked that the President of the United States believes in such “criminally reckless” practices that amount to “‘grooming’ children for sex”:

During the 2008 presidential campaign, a then-Sen. Barack Obama spoke about teaching “comprehensive sex education” to kindergartners: “It’s the right thing to do … to provide age-appropriate sex education, science-based sex education in schools,” he said.

And by “science-based,” of course, he meant “Kinsey-based.”

So, what is age appropriate, science-based sex education? Well, we know what Alfred Kinsey thought was “age appropriate.” We know what he considered “science-based.”

We truly fear that Mr. Barber may soon be literally pummelled to death by a giant man made entirely out of straw. Also, too, we invite you to fap to this incredibly libidinous pornographic image from a sexual education manual:

Suddenly we feel all tingly

Just don’t let the erototoxins drive you too crazy.

[CNSnews]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 265 comments }

Crank_Tango October 30, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Hate to tell you wingnuts, but pedophilia accusations pretty much work on the "he who smelt it dealt it" principle.

HogeyeGrex October 30, 2012 at 4:21 pm

If their hand wringing over pedophilia is anything like their hand wringing over teh ghey, this fella's basement has seen more eight year olds than a cheap liquor store.

Wile E. Quixote October 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Does this apply to Larry Klayman?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I was thinking the same thing….from my post about nasty John "Obama's flowering daughters" Nolte: 10-1 this guy or one of these other wingnuts is soon in an orange jumpsuit with a child tearfully pointing to a doll and saying "he touched me there". This bullshit about Kinsey is beyond the pail but it does make perfect sense that these twisted, prudish creatures are STILL bitching about him. By the way, knuckle-walker: social scientists have well defined and ACTUAL ethics they (we…if I decide not to go into law) must abide by…I'm not talking about abstract 'valyuhs' that with wingnuts are completely fungible when cash is involved, no I mean actual ethics. Kinsey was a first in his field and advanced a great deal of what we know about the science of human sexuality….so fuck you, Barber, you're probably a sicker sexual degenerate than the moral degeneracy of an evangelical take your money and teach you bullshit 'professor' Reisman is.

SorosBot October 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Hey that's not what Rule 34 is!

HempDogbane October 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Most of us manage to become sex fiends w/o the grooming.

snowpointsecret October 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Sounds like he'd rather sex ed to be a "hands-on" approach.

cousinitt October 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

John Cleese beat him to it.

Goonemeritus October 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Maybe as a species we just aren’t mature enough for sex yet.

ttommyunger October 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Does not look familiar. Oh well, it's been awhile.

Barbara_ October 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Todd Akin is full of "shucks" according to this diagram of some fiber-loving woman's junk that is posted.

I can't find the part in the anatomical diagram that is used to find the remote control. I know that men lack this highly sensitive organ.

ttommyunger November 1, 2012 at 8:44 pm

The looking is almost as fun as teh finding.

SorosBot October 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm

This is the world of the crazed fundies, in which anyone who is not a Victorian sexually repressed uptight prude, but actually acknowledges that sex is fun and can be enjoyed on its own instead of just tolerated for procreation (especially for women), is somehow a pervert and sexual predator instead of a normal functional human being.

MissTaken October 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Pervert.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Get a room, you two.

SorosBot October 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

That's been delayed by the hurricane sandly.

MissTaken October 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Sandly? It's okay, there's nothing sandly in my Family Keeper Intacter.

FeloniousMonk October 31, 2012 at 12:52 am

Or more compatible avatars. I'm plagued by very disturbing images.

SorosBot October 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I know you are, but what am I? :)

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Sexual predator.

AlterNewt October 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

This may swing my vote for Romney.

Edit/ I mean, because, y'know, you just hear all these bad things about Obama and some of them have to be true, or like, sorta true, right?

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 5:44 pm

I have a very nice piece of Florida real estate you might be interested in buying. And also there's this lovely, big bridge I have for sale in New York…

AlterNewt October 30, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Jeepers, that sounds swell.

StillGoinGreen October 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Hey, I want one of thse Obamacare sex change thingies. I want to change mine from "NO!!! – I'm too tired" to "Honey, I brought Susan from accounting home for you to play with while I watch Dancing W/The Stars".

tracyhasfun October 30, 2012 at 7:51 pm

oMG I laughed so hard my kid came running out of his room.

StillGoinGreen October 30, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Oh, please God, tell me you peed a little. It has always been my dream to make someone "pee a little".

StillGoinGreen October 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Do you think it was a coincidence, or Freudean slip that I missed the "O"?

Negropolis October 31, 2012 at 12:59 am

Comment of the Day.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Don't worry, the fundies are hard at work coming up with a vaccine for erototoxicity.

Beowoof October 30, 2012 at 4:59 pm

With Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Newt Gingrich I do believe they have found the mechanism for limiting female desire. Dame Noonington has that effect on me. So that may be the male vaccine.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:15 pm

They'd like to be vaccinating males, if you know what I mean. And I b'leev you do.

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Hi sweetie.

SexySmurf October 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I'm really concerned now about these erototoxin doohickeys. Is there any way I can excrete them from my body using some kind of manual method?

Preferably into an old sock.

FlownOver October 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Yes, but it requires a long course of repeated treatments.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Repeated VERY often. Although if you convince some attractive and friendly person of the desired gender to assist you, you may find you tire sooner.

Toomush_Infer October 30, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Thanks for the illustration – Florida really has changed!….

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Sea Level Rise.

coolhandnuke October 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I thought it was Miss Issippi.

StillGoinGreen October 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Isn't the lie hole at the mouth of the Virginia?

Dudleydidwrong October 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Hurricanes, tornadoes, and stupid governors will do that to a state.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I love the smell of erototoxins in the morning.

(Seriously, what?)

EnnuiThereYet? October 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

If your dermatologist injects you with erotoxins, you get a permanent O face.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I'll look like Obama? COOL!

Biff October 30, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Just beware of the erototoxic shock syndrome!

CommieLibunatic October 30, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Sounds as credible as the pyrotron, a theoretical (read: batshit crazy bullshit) particle responsible for spontaneous human combustion.

Mittaplasia October 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Like what killed one of the Spinal Tap drummers?

GunToting[Redacted] October 30, 2012 at 6:24 pm

You can't dust for vomit.

mrpuma2u October 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Yup right up there with "retsin" "dilithium crystals" and "thetans" as bogus pseudo-science terms.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Midichlorians!

HistoriCat October 30, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Too soon!

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Lionel[redacted]Esq October 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I'll show you when I see you next.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Don't threaten me with a good time, you.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 30, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Just to warn you, it involves an injection, if you know what I mean.

emmelemm October 31, 2012 at 4:20 am

A hot beef injection?

OneYieldRegular October 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Did Matt Barber's parents forget to tell him that the whole "stork" thing was just a myth?

Lucidamente1 October 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

When a wingnut has an idea, his brain has a way of shutting that whole thing down.

CommieLibunatic October 30, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Pfff, I wish. If anything, the opposite seems to be true.

tracyhasfun October 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Yes but the LIE HOLE keeps flapping away…

Sophist:GinghamStyle October 30, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I hate to tell you this, but there is already a program for grooming children to have sex: it's called puberty.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:18 pm

And it comes free. No opt-out, tho.

Texan_Bulldog October 30, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"Sin Button" hahahahah! That's my new name for the little man in the boat.

Tundra Grifter October 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I always went with "the salty BB."

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Me likey!

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I'm a Kinsey Kid!

Swampgas_Man October 30, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I'm the Kinseyest!

noodlesalad October 30, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Sex researcher at Liberty University has to be one of the worstest jobs ever.

Beowoof October 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Well if you are into spying on people I am sure you can find lots of masturbation going on in both the male and female dorms.

noodlesalad October 30, 2012 at 7:28 pm

It wouldn't be Liberty (C) University if there wasn't a lot of warrantless spying going on!

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I suspect you'd get a lot of time to, you know, lurk at Wonkette and stuff. (looks around nervously)

noodlesalad October 30, 2012 at 7:30 pm

This would explain the sudden Christianist vitriol against frontbutt.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Not to mention the surge (!) in buttsechs among Young Christianists.

An_Outhouse October 30, 2012 at 3:31 pm

A good lie never gets old and sometimes, with enough repitition, it comes true! G.W. Bush pickled his brain with alcohol and cocaine, releasing erototoxins, and therefore is a baby raper.

bikerlaureate October 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I read that on the internet (just now), and it explains so much about how lust came into being at the same time as all of these perverted websites on teh Google.

coolhandnuke October 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I was undecided until I located the Sin Button and pressed it repeatedly. Now I know what lever to push.

SorosBot October 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Pressing the Sin Button is very fun; I hope any straight guy who doesn't know how to do so doesn't have a wife or girlfriend, and pity those women stuck with such a hapless clod.

coolhandnuke October 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I see Donald Trump as the archetype of the hapless clod with his short-thumbed vulgarian greedy tentacles probing for a silver dollar in a change slot.

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

And now I'm never having sex again.

StillGoinGreen October 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

That is a horrible thing for you to do – until you gave it to the Donald, the "change slot" was for all of us. Now, I will feel dirty every time I troll the "change slot".

coolhandnuke October 31, 2012 at 2:22 am

My condolences on my alignment of words altering your atavistic calling. May you find the hope and change in another time slot.

CommieLibunatic October 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I guess I should get a book or something. Maybe there's an FAQ online somewhere?

bikerlaureate October 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Condemnation of this brand new "sex education" idea is derived entirely from the criminally fraudulent research of Judith Reisman.

Cleopatriot October 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I know someone who is at Liberty U studying to be a nurse. Seriously. Which means I will be asking every nurse I ever have to see professionally if they went to LU, and if so, may I please have a different nurse? You know, one with real credentials?

thebeatgoeson October 31, 2012 at 12:16 am

I know an RN who took an online nursing course from Liberty to get her BSN. She said the nursing courses were fine, but she was required to take religion courses as well. This is a left leaning person who was raised by 2 lesbians. She burned that religion text when she was done. I saw it. It was completely odious. Each chapter about a different religion always ended with why that religion was completely wrong and how you could proselytize to someone of that faith to convert them so they could be saved from hell.

NorthStarSpanx October 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Erototoxins? Even their made up science is a libido-killer.

SoBeach October 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm

These people. Good thing nobody can see what's really going on in their heads when their special parts perk up.

bikerlaureate October 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm

In short, she found that both Obama’s HHS and many public sex-education programs are doing to children, constructively, what pedophiles do to “groom” them for sex:

How did that word get in there?

Nothing's more safely constructive than abstinence.

cheetojeebus October 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Reisman must be a real treat in the sack.

deanbooth October 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Dunno — she could be like Faye Dunaway in Little Big Man.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I'm visualizing Nurse Ratched.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I'm trying *not* to.

tracyhasfun October 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Like a rock in Charlie Brown's Halloween bag.

rmjagg October 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm

if you like fucking pus …

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I heard that Obama (pervert) has started putting erototoxins in the water, like flouride.

OzoneTom October 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Water, you mean like from the toilet?

weejee October 30, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Toothy, that post. Lapped it right up.

HogeyeGrex October 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?

not that Dewey October 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm

That's how he keeps the Orgasmatron cooled. Erototoxins have an ENORMOUS heat capacity.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:22 pm

You're so … *colourful* sometimes, ntD.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 1, 2012 at 9:09 am

Funny, I don't see that particular detail in the drawings.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Jesus, I don't want something that turns erotica toxic, wut's wrong with these dumb fuckers?

snowpointsecret October 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

"You can push my sin button any day" is either a great or terrible pickup line. I'm undecided on which it is.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I forgot to include this fine illustration by Mimi Pond, from National Lampoon in 1983.

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm
AlterNewt October 30, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Mmmm hmmmm.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Oh, that was SO fuckin' SWEET. Thank you. (Grabs your ears and kisses you on both cheeks)

PuckStopsHere October 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm

These guys wouldn't recognize Real Science if it flooded their subway system.

Gleem McShineys October 30, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Or if it filled their shucks-chutes with erototoxins.

SayItWithWookies October 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Reading that post was just like a Liberty University professor's sex life — two minutes of ignorance and fear.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Funny, that describes their academic training as well

iTuna October 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Wookies, you are one of my favorite internet people, and have been for years. Keep up the good work.

SayItWithWookies October 30, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Thank you for the compliment — now I feel all warm inside. Probably from the erototoxins.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:41 pm

QUICK! They'll KILL you if you don't get rid of them immediately.

Masturbation works.

rmjagg October 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

followed by and hour of scrubbing with pine sol in a very hot shower

Negropolis October 31, 2012 at 1:05 am

Hell, two minutes if she's lucky.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

They keep promising me sexual perversion, but so far have not delivered. This alone is a reason not to vote for them.

ManchuCandidate October 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I'm guessing leather, scat and ball gags are the mildest kind of sex this guy's into.

Fairtackle October 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

So sex ed is only okay if there are no illustrations and actual anatomical names for the equipment can not be used. Descriptions must be vague and confusing enough that a child will have no idea what is being talked about. Add a lot of shame, fear and disgust and you have the perfect recipe for sexual health.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Well, you're describing *his* sex life. I mean, how is HE supposed to know any different?

Callyson October 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oh, for fuck's sake.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Nicely done.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2012 at 1:19 am

You really should start sticking a ™ on that phrase.

Callyson October 31, 2012 at 1:27 am

LOL…but I actually think I picked it up from another Wonketteer.

John Birf Society October 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

This guy had a thought once. It died of loneliness.

rickmaci October 30, 2012 at 3:41 pm

"…all sex ed is aimed at “grooming” children to become sex perverts."

Hmmm. Seems like I got all the intended "grooming" from those high school classes. Can somebody please pass the porn?

LIT_Fag October 30, 2012 at 3:41 pm

My porn induced erototoxins just make me tired after orgasming.

SmutBoffin October 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

So what kind of toxins does Barber's brain contain? The kind that come out when you furiously masturbate to pictures of flags and guns and Anne Coulter and ChikFilA sammiches?

Ya know…wingnut-ase.

Swampgas_Man October 30, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Dumbotoxins.

cheetojeebus October 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Reisman was, wait for it… surprise ! surprise ! a singer on the Captain Kangaroo Show.

deanbooth October 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm

No snark: Years ago i taught a daughter of Kinsey. She believed that harassment by the right killed her father.

MissTaken October 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

And you fools *thought* that Dok spared you, but you don't realize that My Little Ponies also have a Lie Hole next to their Ewww.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Is nothing sacred?

That's why they call her Pinkie Pie.

HistoriCat October 30, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Well, NOW I feel dirty. Thanks a lot!

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Me too. Let's make her do it again.

Angry_Marmot October 30, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I feel dirty now and sincerely want to thank you.

elviouslyqueer October 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

*puts on Big Academic Researcher Brain*

According to PsycInfo (journal database), "Dr." Judith Reisman hasn't publishing anything worth indexing since 1994. AND she wrote her dissertation on the scintillating topic, "Compensatory eye movements in infants." In 1987.

Quite a find ya got there, Matt Barber. Quite. a. find.

IceCreamEmpress October 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

That's not the same Judith Reisman. The one who wrote the 1987 dissertation was on the faculty of the University of Minnesota teaching physical and occupational therapy (she is J. E. Reisman in the NIH database).

Wingnut Judith Reisman has degrees in communications from Case Western Reserve.

elviouslyqueer October 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm

GAH. Oh, wait. I think I found wingnut Judith Reisman. She's got an article on porn (1985) and a book chapter on… porn (child porn, to be precise) from 1994.

Apologies to the non-wingnut Judith Reisman.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 4:12 pm

So, in other words, she likes to "study" porn. Academically. A lot. I said "academically"!

HogeyeGrex October 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Ding-ding-ding! Give that customer a kewpie doll.

Now, show us where, on the kewpie doll Reisman touched you.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Funny, that's exactly what my hubster said when I found his ENORMOUS stacks of porn-related reading materials. In his defense, and to be fair, he donated a lot of it to the Kinsey ppl, and they actually thanked him for it.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I think I remember reading about her early research back in the 80's which proved that men get violent when they see pictures naked female breasts.

Anecdotally speaking, from personal experience and extensive interviews among my male peers, I posit that she is 100% full of shit on that point.

FeloniousMonk October 30, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Oh dear. Through Wikipedia I find that Max Blumenthal has evidence that Reisman was deranged by her daughter being molested. Does the "don't mock the PENIS lady" rule apply, or does her decades-long history of being encouraged by the wingnuts to air her obsessions in public mean she's fair game?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2012 at 1:13 am

I think the "don't mock the retarded" rule might come into play.

Then again, we freely roast the likes of One-L Bachmann, Mann Coulter, and Oily Taintz. I say, go for it.

FeloniousMonk October 31, 2012 at 2:01 am

Actually I can't think of anything clever to say about her; a sad case, I think. I *was* surprised to find that "retard" is still a live issue. I thought it had moved into the category of "idiot" and "moron" — used to be a technical term, no longer used for people with real problems, and therefore available for insults. What are the allowable insults for dumbshits? Feel free to illustrate with references to myself.

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 2:22 am

How about "enthusiastically mock the cynical fuckers who exploit her tragic obsession"? I can get completely behind that.

RomneysLogCabin October 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm

On a related topic, if you were a furry, what creature would you be?

Me first: Pink Panther.
Your move.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Running. Very fast.

snowpointsecret October 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Doktor Zoom is Sonic?

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm
snowpointsecret October 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Well that's something that'll be hard to unsee…

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

That's kind of (pauses thoughtfully) exciting. In a totally sick and perverted way, of course.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Hobbes the Tiger.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I gotta say, you look an awful lot like him already.

SayItWithWookies October 30, 2012 at 4:00 pm

A version of me who really needs a different hobby.

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:23 pm

I'm already the black sheep of my family; does that count?

Negropolis October 31, 2012 at 1:07 am

Pikachu; definitely Pikachu.

CommieDad October 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Wow. I like it. This must be why sex education is one of the most effective tools to prevent unwanted pregnancies. You see it works like this:

For Boys:

* Watch Sex Ed video, get boner.
* Have sex with teacher (male or post-menopausal)
* Become gay or develop grannie porn fixation

For Girls:

* Watch Sex Ed video, mind flooded with erototoxins.
* Have sex with teacher (male or post-menopausal)
* Teacher drives you to abortion clinic.

It all makes sense. I say we switch to the "Texas" model:

* Not watch sex video.
* Have sex, use rhythm method to avoid pregnancy
* Learn that rhythm method is not 4/4 fucking
* Have baby

OR
* Not watch sex video.
* Place condom on foot or take tic-tacs instead of birth control
* Not know that sticking what-what in the who-who is actually sex.
* Have baby

Wow. Fucking liberals.

delaney_blom October 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Do erototoxins cause blindness?

RedneckMuslin October 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I'm over here.

Tommmcatt_Again October 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Holy shit, you just won the Internet for the day.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Do erototoxins cause blindness?

Yes, but only temporarily, and you have to toss a whole bucket of them in your attacker's face.

Negropolis October 31, 2012 at 1:08 am

Just don't get them in the hair.

not that Dewey October 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I get all my erototoxins from licking toads.

CommieDad October 30, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Is that what the kids call it these days?

HarryButtle October 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm
FeloniousMonk October 31, 2012 at 12:08 am

In Toad Suck, Arkansas, that's safe sex.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

“FBI Molester Grooming Paradigm.”

I had an interview with an FBI agent last week relating to alleged misconduct by one of my co-workers over in the Middle East. I wish I had known about this paradigm at the time, he was an interesting guy and might have shone a little knowledge on me.

MissTaken October 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I assume grooming molesters is similar to grooming non-molesters. Hair grows and needs to be trimmed in about the same time frame regardless of your sexual perversions, I would think.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 30, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Pedicures for pedophiles.

Angry_Marmot October 30, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Highlights for catamites!

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Not cat-hair? I mean, I have a few bales I could spare.

Gleem McShineys October 30, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Fresh looks for Frotteurists!

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Mustaches for molesters.
…oh, wait.

CommieDad October 30, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Ah yes… reminds me of the time (when I was working) that over the PA it was announced, "Mr. Allen, please come to the small conference room, the FBI is here to see you." It was just a background check for a friend getting a job requiring security clearance.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 3:56 pm

RE: the diagram of ladybits. What, no taint?

HogeyeGrex October 30, 2012 at 4:45 pm

According to Akin, all ladybits are tainted.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Is it drinky time yet? I think it is!

fuflans October 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

did you know that Barack Obama is “grooming” your innocent children to turn them into sex fiends?

well i sure as hell hope so.

PhilippePetain October 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Having Rod Stewart stare wanly at me while I'm reading this article is really creeping me out.

MissTaken October 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

That's just nausea from the erototoxin load flooding your bloodstream. It will pass soon enough.

PhilippePetain October 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I feel like getting my stomach pumped because I swallowed a gallon of erototoxins!

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:36 pm

And yet, somehow, not entirely inappropriate over an article about pre-verts.

mavenmaven October 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Don't forget that Obama is black, so you know all he wants to do is seduce white women, so why not start when they are young. WND knows that for a FACT.

hagajim October 30, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Where's all da white wimmin!

Not_So_Much October 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

All this time I thought my career was a failure, but it's just an excess of erototoxins? Thanks Matt Barber!!

RedneckMuslin October 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm

No doubt he's doing it wrong.

Toomush_Infer October 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Oh, oh…I made a mistake and actually went to the HHS link – Matt Barber is a purposeful liar and a political psychopath….it took all my snark away – does anyone have any spare erototoxins?….

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:37 pm

No, but I've got some Brawndo you can have.

MissTaken October 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

That diagram makes no sense. It totally skips over the vagina dentata.

Jus_Wonderin October 30, 2012 at 4:33 pm

And where is the organ that controls making sammiches? Up higher on the page?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 30, 2012 at 4:41 pm

And where's the part that says "Here there be monsters?"

HogeyeGrex October 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

All of it, Katie?

Jus_Wonderin October 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Oh, you're one of those "flat womaners".

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I prefer them really stacked myself.

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 5:57 pm

So, which part decides legitimate rape?

MissTaken October 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm

The Legitimate Bladder pisses all over it.

Botlrokit October 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I could be mistaken, but the urge to fuck is what "grooms us for sex".

Native_of_SL_UT October 30, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Since I got my Kinsey-based sex education in the 70's, I thought all sex occurred behind green doors.

HogeyeGrex October 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I wondered why your house looked like that.

Jus_Wonderin October 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Erototoxins? Is there a four hour warning?

Botlrokit October 30, 2012 at 4:21 pm

You know what else is "scienced-based sex education"?

Saying the wrong name.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Hey, new person! Welcome to the Monkey House!

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Why do you think the word "darling" was invented?

iburl October 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm

The Erototoxins

Thanks for naming my new band, Liberty U.

larrykat October 30, 2012 at 4:37 pm

"Erototoxins" sounds like something Ming the Merciless would shoot out of a ray gun at Flash Gordon.

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Yes! I like it.

Blueb4sinrise October 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Dr. Matt October 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Ming was just misunderstood.

Ruhe October 30, 2012 at 4:43 pm

When the erototoxins are delivered by a dark-skinned, crypto-muslim they are technically known as afro-disiacs. If Barber and Reisman failed to make that connection in their research then they clearly don't know what they're talking about.

Botlrokit October 30, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Why do I naturally think "term paper" when I see Barber and Reisman cited?

Toomush_Infer October 30, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Research?…….you must mean searching through their child porn collections….

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:40 pm

"When the erototoxins are delivered by a dark-skinned, crypto-muslim they are technically known as afro-disiacs."

But if they're delivered by a fair-skinned socialist furriner from one of those godless countries that isn't #1, they might be eurotoxins.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 30, 2012 at 4:47 pm

There once was a man from Khartoum
who invited a boy to his room.
They stayed up all night
in a terrible fight
over what went in where and by whom.

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:42 pm

A bisexual caveman named Roy
Befriended a long-haired young boy.
He thought it was fair
To be dragged by his hair
But the club up his ass was no joy.

gullywompr October 30, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Hey! You got your Kinsey in my kid!

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 30, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I am looking forward to learning more about erototoxins in Dok Zoom's Christian biology text.

MiniMencken October 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Is not spreading misinformation about important topics treasonous? Are there no honourable knights and men-at-arms who would rid our realm of these pestilential mountebanks? I ask you, good people, where are the men of action?

Beowoof October 30, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Why sex ed would mean that people would know stuff and the church could no longer run their bullshit by everybody and scare the shit out of them about boners and wet undies meaning you will burn in hell. Well Judy, I have some advice, get laid, give a blow job and lighten up honey.

Mittaplasia October 30, 2012 at 5:21 pm

If I run low on erototoxins, will Obamacare cover replacement therapy for me?

HarryButtle October 30, 2012 at 5:27 pm

They go to such great lengths to deny legitimate science and then they turn around and make this kind of shit up…I don't think "science" means what they think it means.

Tundra Grifter October 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Bachmann offers up herself (as an example)

September 29, 2011 – 5:47 AM

LYNCHBURG, VA. – Zeroing in on her evangelical base, Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann told 10,000 students at the nation's largest Christian university Wednesday not to compromise in their personal, spiritual or political beliefs.

"Don't settle, that's what Jesus says to us," the Minnesota Republican told a convocation of students at Liberty University, a religious school founded 40 years ago by the late televangelist Jerry Falwell.

Bachmann offered personal advice based on her own life, including a look inside her marriage to Twin Cities Christian therapist Marcus Bachmann, a close political adviser who accompanied her to the sprawling campus in the Virginia foothills.
http://www.startribune.com/politics/national/1307

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Example of WUT, dude? She's an example of a buncha stuff, none of it positive.

Dr. Matt October 30, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I get erototoxin OD'ed every time I visit the produce section of the grocery store.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 6:12 pm

"I think vegetables can be very … sensuous, don't you?"

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 8:24 pm

(eyes durian nervously)

Are durians a vegetable?

bobbert October 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Chemical weapon.

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:43 pm

*eyes Lascaux flirtatiously*
No, vegetables are sensual.
*People* are sensuous.

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Sexual…psychopath? Could someone explain the meaning of these two words put together, please?

Tommmcatt_Again October 30, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Chris Christie.

His love of the jelly donut extends beyond that of a mere gourmand.

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 6:28 pm

And of course, I missed a PERFECTLY good opportunity for a David Vitter joke…

MinAgain October 30, 2012 at 5:48 pm

described child “orgasm” as “culminating in extreme trembling, collapse, loss of color, and sometimes fainting.

I had no idea that I had such a deprived childhood.

redarmyzombie October 30, 2012 at 6:29 pm

To be fair, I think that about accurately describes everyone's first time…

chascates October 30, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Have any of the GOP candidates come out in favor of forcing sexytime sinners to wear a scarlet letter?

decentcitizen October 30, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I've got news for you. It's not sex wingnuts are afraid of, it's honesty.

chascates October 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Sex education belongs back where it used to be–in the pool rooms of working class America.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Right here? In River City?

MonkeyMotion October 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

So the Obama Administration is grooming lots of Roman Catholic priests?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 30, 2012 at 6:25 pm

God, I hate when I have to get groomed for sex. So my beard is scratchy. Is it really that bad?

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Is this my cue?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 31, 2012 at 1:39 am

I knew You were grooming me.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Some guys like rough trade.

Gleem McShineys October 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm

"My beard is scratchy" is what Marcus says when Michele doesn't shave her legs.

BaldarTFlagass October 30, 2012 at 7:11 pm

We always referred to "erototoxins" by their street name, such as "tequila."

rmjagg October 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

sorry , but barber and reisman are human sewage . the end

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Jerome Corsi is absolutely sick that he didn't think of this first.

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

True story:
We had the Sex Ed movie in Health class (not the period movie, the other one) that had the cross-section anatomical drawing like the one pictured above, only of the male body.
There was a stunned silence for a moment as we figured out what the heck we were supposed to be looking at, then one of the other girls in class blurted out:
"EWWWW!! That's his BOOTY!"

Doktor Zoom October 31, 2012 at 2:29 am
tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:27 pm

I can hardly wait for the Beka textbook.
Also, the Jon McNaughton painting.

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:32 pm

"children [Kinsey] and his team violated around the clock.”

And let me tell you, scheduling that was an absolute NIGHTMARE, thank you very much liberal union thugs and your stupid wage and hour laws!

tessiee October 30, 2012 at 11:38 pm

WTF, no fetus in the ladybits picture?

thebeatgoeson October 31, 2012 at 12:26 am

There was a mentally challenged young man named Matthew Barber in my neighborhood years ago. Last I remember he would walk by repeatedly and ask us "do you remember that black car you used to have?" And he made his dog chase my cat, who ran up a tree, fell out, and died of internal injuries a couple days later. Do you suppose he grew up and became a wing nut?!

Negropolis October 31, 2012 at 12:50 am

Wait, is this bastard really comparing simple sex ed to pedophilia? Really?

Really, I can't take much more of this. We're going to have to start picking the higher-hanging fruit, because this is just sheer insanity nearest to the ground.

Negropolis October 31, 2012 at 12:57 am

You see, kids, when a quack scientist and her jesus love each other very much…

Biel_ze_Bubba October 31, 2012 at 1:00 am

Matt Barber has issues.

BaldarTFlagass October 31, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Well, this is an improvement. I can get to a post. But it's the latest post I can get to. I guess time has decided to stand still.

gullywompr October 31, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Romney won?

ttommyunger November 1, 2012 at 8:46 pm

…on the other hand, I have no problem fapping to this.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Had no idea Geo Lucas was that fat.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 6:13 pm

More Information, please. (leers helpfully at SB AND MissVeryMuchTaken)

emmelemm October 30, 2012 at 7:12 pm

So, the hubster's porn collection was so outré that it tickled the Kinsey-ans, huh? That's impressive.

MittBorg October 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I was impressed. He's still a tad resentful, but only just a little.

Doktor Zoom October 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Manchy kabook noonee Solo, ho ho ho!

starfanglednut October 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Yeah, pics or gtfo.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 1, 2012 at 9:19 am

Whatever term the professionals settle on (cretin, imbecile, mongoloid, etc.), the snarking class inevitably latches on to it, and after being in use for a while it gets the 'politically incorrect' label, and you get scolded for using it. Meanwhile the pros have come up with another term.
Get all lathered up, rinse, and repeat.

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