mitt's time

Mitt Romney: Why Can’t Amercia Be More Like China?

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romney, right before his screen saver went onOh goody, more incriminating audio from a Mitt Romney fundraiser. This one is  from a fundraiser he and his wife attended at the Irvine, California, home of David Horowitz (a different David Horowitz) back in March, and although Mittens didn’t insult half of the nation, he DID say that Obama considers businesspeople “a necessary evil” and his wife said that the president is not a “grown-up.” Also, did you know that China is a better place to do business than the U.S. (which surely has nothing to do with all those young women who are locked into Romney factories at night)? And that Obama wants half of the economy to be “controlled by government”? Well, now you do.

First of all, if Romney wins, it’s Ann’s fault. Actually, the way Romney tells it, all of this is Ann’s fault:

After being introduced, the Republican candidate noted that he had been pushed into his second campaign for president by his wife:

David, you mentioned Ann, and the fact that she insisted that I get in this race. That is the truth. I wanted to talk it over with her. And every time I’d say, “Let’s talk about the pros and cons,” she’d say, “Talk to the hand, talk to the hand. We’re just doing this. We’ve got to do it.” And so she absolutely insisted that I get in this because she was convinced that I was the only one that had the capacity to beat President Obama.

Also, Obama? Well, he’s a nice guy and everything, but he thinks that you’re a loser. No, really. He does.

[Romney said,] I’m convinced that if this president is reelected, the war on business and economic freedom will continue. I don’t think the president likes you very much. If you’re in business, I think he looks at you as a necessary evil—and maybe not so necessary. I love you, all right? I love, I love business. I love people who employ other people, who have dreams and ideas, and are willing to start enterprises, and put people to work—all good things grow from successful enterprises. Businesses—good jobs come from good businesses.

But no worries, because China is better than America for business, which Romney knows an AWFUL LOT ABOUT, from what we hear:

When I heard the head of Coca-Cola say that the business environment in America is less hospitable than the business environment in China, I knew we had a problem. I want to make sure that America has the most attractive business conditions in the world—that every entrepreneur once again says, “I want to be an American.” Whether it’s energy or regulation or tax policy or labor policy or legal policy or health care policy—I want America to be the best place for business.

Yes, if only our businesses were staffed by underaged girls wanting to get married, they would thrive and America would prosper once again. LISTEN TO THE GROWNUP on this one.

Sponsored Intermission

[Mother Jones]

About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson


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  • DrunkIrishman

    Good news, folks: Only one more week until we never see his, or Ann's, face again!

    • nounverb911

      When does Mitt announce for 2016?

      • HistoriCat

        Ann will stop pushing Mitt to run and switch her demands onto one of her sons. Oh no – it's like the Bush family on steroids …

        • zumpie

          Or she'll join forces with Linda after her second CT senate bid fails and put Taggy (he likes to hit people) on the WWE

    • emmelemm

      Aren't you a cock-eyed optimist? (Also, drunk.)

    • Callyson

      Now that you mention it, he's probably the one losing Republican who *won't* be sending his resume to FOX News…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I find this thought very easy to fap to.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I wonder if he will finally Go Galt and never darken our TV screens again.

    • PsycWench

      Your mouth to Goddess' ear.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Why do I think we'll be seeing Ann on Dancing with the Stars? I foresee an Ann vs. Bristol smack down.

      • sullivanst

        Rafalca does all the dancing in the Romney family.

        • GhostBuggy

          Well, it's the only way she can fairly compete with Bristol's clip-clopping about the dance floor, isn't it?

      • ibwilliamsi

        If there's Ann on Bristol bitch-slapping, it will be the ONE DWTS that I'll ever have had a desire to watch.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Thank god he has his own money, or we'd be subjected to his and/or Ann's being an "expert correspondent" on Dumbfucks News. I get the feeling that they will bury themselves so deep that we won't see them for years. PLEASE GOD!

      • redarmyzombie

        I dunno, they're kinda like Herpes, in that they never truly go away…

    • Redgyal

      I hope so.

  • Come here a minute

    This should wake up the complacent voters who still remain undecided. If Mitt Romney is elected president we will all be forced to eat with chopsticks!

    • PsycWench

      Wouldn't that slow down the eating of all those anusburgers? Is it possible that Ms. Anti-Obesity Michelle Obama will be the real winner?

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Chopsticks work great for poking people in the eye.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I heard the head of Coca-Cola say that the business environment in America is less hospitable than the business environment in China,"

    I think the head of Coca-Cola meant to say that the labor environment in America is less hospitable than the labor environment in China, at least for business owners.

    • reweni

      Clearly we should be more like a country run by an actual communist party rather than a crypto-communist muslim.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      that's all they mean anymore. It's no different than every northern businessman (and future carpetbagger) decrying the hospitable labor environs of the American South (pre-1861). If only it could be like that here!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Must be 'No Fapping' Monday.

    • gullywompr

      No. No it's not.

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Wuts yer secrit?

        • gullywompr

          You're soaking in it.

          • Blueb4sinrise


  • poorgradstudent

    If "economic freedom" means I can't afford to buy 90% of the things I see advertised on the teevee, then let Nobammers run my bank account plz.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "every entrepreneur once again says, “I want to be an American…"

    …so I can take advantage of tax loopholes and park all my money in secret accounts in tax havens like Luxembourg, Switzerland, the Isle of Man, Guernsey, Monaco, Caymans, etc etc etc.

  • dr_giraud

    "Talk to the hand," Egg? Really?

    • SexySmurf

      I wonder if she also called Mitt "the bomb?"

      • succalina


      • BaldarTFlagass

        or Da Man!

        • zumpie

          Rserved for Michael Steele when Bachmann's talking—or at least it used to be!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      She thinks Mitt is totally tubular!

      • sullivanst

        That's so radical, like far out, man.

        • MosesInvests


        • SigDeFlyinMonky

          Fino del mundo!

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      No she DI'IN'T!

  • Fairtackle

    Funny how she makes the word "love" sound dirty, and not the good kind of dirty.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    You heard him, America! Start making babies who can do calculus and play violin!

    • sullivanst

      But, how's he going to keep the kids in school all the time without hiring more teachers?

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Next on Queen Egg's to do list: get all the Chinese addicted to opium then move the jobs back to the US and pay the poorz 75 cents a day.

  • Callyson

    “Talk to the hand, talk to the hand. We’re just doing this. We’ve got to do it.”

    Worst come-on line ever…

    • LibertyLover

      Sounds like self-sevicing to me…

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I want to know just where her hand was. Ew. No I don't. Damn. CAN'T UNSEE.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Mittens wants a Combo Numba 5.
    Koch fried health regulations
    Chicken Shit Lo Means Wages
    Lo Tax Roll
    Pork with Die Environmental Dye Number 1
    And At Least One Ton of Cyanide in Your Drinking Water Soup.

    Fortune Cookie: Confusious Sez: Slimy Two Faced Shit, still Shitty.

  • gullywompr

    Ann told him to talk to the hand? Oh no she didn't!

    Do people still say that?

    • Mumbletypeg

      Ann told him to talk to the hand?

      Mrs. Janna Ryan could learn a thing or two from this while she's perfecting her craft.

    • PsycWench

      "People" do not say that, no.

    • kyeshinka

      Tchya. Gag me with a spoon!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    They should institute some sort of policy in which all workers are "owned" by their employers. There could be different sorts of workers and we could divide them up by, oh I don't know, maybe the color of their skin, for instance. And it would be in the owners best interest to keep their workers healthy and happy because that would make them more productive. I bet that sort if system would be good for business.

    • Nowisallthereis

      If you do "Healthy" and "In Chains" that is cheaper than "Happy". If they are in chains who cares of they are happy? That would be GREAT for business.

    • Chet Kincaid_

      With God as my witness, someday, before I die, I will own a family of crackers!!

  • SexySmurf

    And that Obama wants half of the economy to be “controlled by government”?

    But Mittens wants us to be like China, where 100% of the economy is controlled by the government.

    • Chet Kincaid_


  • Sophist[Kochblocker]

    So Democrats are bad because they want to make us like Socialist Europe, but Republicans are good because they want to make us like Communist China?


    • kyeshinka

      It's best if you don't try to think about it.

    • Fox n Fiends

      Sure, its the people's REPUBLIC of china, not the people's DEMOCRAT of china.

  • kyeshinka

    Uh oh. Someone sounds not crazy patriotic enough. Looks like his rallies of tubby exurban Medicare-scooter welfare grannies will be nothing but nonstop singing of America the Beautiful, all six verses. Nobody leaves until the song is memorized.

  • SorosBot

    Oh that's such a horrible suggestion, that Obama may see the horrific corporate executives as evil just because they are pure evil piles of shit who are determined to fuck over America for profit,.

  • MissTaken

    Mitt will give us a chicken foot in every wok.

    • kittensdontlie

      And the promise of a car-elevator in every garage.

  • freakishlywrong people have noticed the soaring Dow and the record-breaking profits of businesses under the little black man child, right?

    • sullivanst

      You mean the black dude under whom corporate profits have risen at the highest rate for any President since 1900, by a factor of well over 4?

  • MissTaken

    Gawd, the more I learn about Entitled Egg the more I detest her.

    • UnholyMoses

      ♫ The incredible
      entitled bitch Egg ♫

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    Mittbot is really missing the mark by not adopting the Newtster's plan for school kid janitorial services. It's more Chinese than a Foxconn suicide.

  • Maman

    China is business friendly? Chairman Mao must be rolling over in his grave.

  • Callyson

    But perhaps his most heartfelt remark came when he was concluding his talk and told these donors, "I want to let you go back to work so you can earn more money to give to me."

    And now we have the details regarding Mittens' tax policy: it's a kickback scheme.

  • Wadisay

    Lady Macbeth: Why did you bring these daggers from the place?
    They must lie there. Go carry them, and smear the sleepy grooms with blood.

    Macbeth: I'll go no more. I am afraid to think what I have done; Look on't again I dare not.

    Lady Macbeth: Infirm of purpose! Give me the daggers. The sleeping and the dead are but as pictures; 'tis the eye of childhood that fears a painted [read, Negro] devil.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Mitt, really, that whole "bed-head" thing is so ten years ago…

    • BlueMonkeh

      I get a horrible "greasy old man hair" smell in my brain every time I see this picture.

      • Mittaplasia

        Ewww, and a whiff of Old Spice, mebbe?

    • Generation[redacted]

      He's improving his likeability score by playing out everyone's favorite scene in There's Something About Mary.

      • MissTaken

        Franks and beans.

  • Goonemeritus

    We are well on track to catch-up with China’s business friendly environment. I’m convinced we are only a year or two away from having to install nets on our businesses to keep employee suicides to a minimum just like them

  • Lucidamente1

    "Also, nobody in China laughs when you mention the planet Kolob."

  • sullivanst


  • orygoon

    “Talk to the hand, talk to the hand. We’re just doing this. We’ve got to do it.”

    I was baffled by programming language back in college. And this simply fails to make that shit any clearer.

    Maybe this?

    3. GOTO 1

    • sullivanst

      Being of a more C-family mind, I'd go with:

      isPresident = RunForPresident();
      while (!isPresident) {
      sleep(4 years);
      isPresident = RunForPresident();

    • CthuNHu

      1. RUN FOR PRESIDENT 2008
      2. IF FAIL WAIT (YEARS X 4); GOTO 1

    • mull_man


  • sudsmckenzie

    I just assume Egg wore something terrible.

  • fuflans

    the mittbot doesn't seem to come with a mute button does it?

  • BlueMonkeh

    my god what a dickweed

  • fuflans

    i think egg romney is the biggest reason to vote for bamz.

    well, except for that whole SCOTUS thing.

  • Terry

    Whenever I hear Romney speak, I have an overwhelming desire to chant "Asshole! Asshole!" like we used to at college basketball games. Back in my rude youth.

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    vinegar strokes

  • LibertyLover

    Considering that all of Bamz's campaign materials are made here in America and all of Mitten's campaign materials are made in China, I can see that Romney thinks China is a better, cheaper place to do business than America.

  • Mittaplasia

    Was Egg asking him to talk to the hand that does the thing that her mouth isn't allowed to do? Wow, she expects a lot for a little hand job which he probably will never get unless he wins.

  • Cleopatriot

    Shut up Ann. Just shut it. No one cares what you think. Especially not Mitt–come on, you're a woman. He doesn't even think you're human, much less an adult.

    • kittensdontlie

      In another interview, the Etch-a-Sketch said he dragged Ann into this race kicking and screaming.

      • MissTaken

        That's what I thought. I could've swore I heard that after getting his metal ass handed to him by McCain in 08 and Egg's health issues that she said 'no more politics'. Yet again, the Etch a Sketch is shaken.

      • sullivanst

        Multiple interviews, apparently.

    • LibertyLover

      It's obvious who drives the jet ski in that family.

  • VodkaGoGo

    I havent been paying attention to politics lately because it makes me want to throw rocks at strangers but I went to a Halloween party this weekend and I was shocked by how many Romney votes were in attendance. I can't believe it's even this close. This guy basicly hates the working class and unintentionally says as much every fucking day. "Some of my best friends employ losers like you"

    • Fox n Fiends

      I think it was Mark Twain who put it best; "People are fucking stupid fucks."

  • EnnuiThereYet?

    All I hear in my head is Rex Harrison sing-talking Why Can't a Woman be More Like a Man?

  • fuflans

    I love, I love business.

    yeah, that pretty much sums up everything i hate about mitt romney.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Wow. I really, really do not like these people.

  • ChickTract_Fil_A

    Egg Romney in a 'talk to the hand' pose? Worst FLOTUS Files graphic evah!

    • HistoriCat

      If Romney is elected, Blair Burke will need to be put on a suicide watch.

  • Generation[redacted]

    To have a business-friendly environment like China, we need fewer workplace regulations and more suicide nets.

  • oenspiek

    If desperate, oppressed workers are liable to commit suicide, a la Foxcomm, it sounds like a business niche to me. If they want to die, charge 'em for it, record it, then sell it on payperview.

  • LibertyLover

    To have a business-friendly environment like China, we need fewer workplace regulations and more suicide nets.

    Something that Forever21 is trying to accomplish in Los Angeles with their very own sweatshop.

    • Jerri

      Something that Forever21 is trying to accomplish in Los Angeles with their very own sweatshop.

      John 3:16 libel!

  • Mittaplasia

    There once was a trollop named Egg
    For her hot sex the Mittster would beg
    She said, "Your bell I will ring, if you become king
    But 'til then you ain't gettin' no laig."

  • cousinitt

    Mitt just wants to practice his love with folders full of women all across this country.

  • 102415

    Mitt doesn't need the job but it sounds like Ann does. After all she's never had one.

    • cousinitt

      I dunno. I think Mittens would prefer Egg and all other wimmenz be able to keep her feet up. If you know what I mean and I think you do.

  • Beowoof

    Gee in China you get to treat labor like the slaves they should be. And none of those pesky environmental regulations to get all upset about.

  • Millennial Malaise

    It amazes me that the video where Mitt Rmoney admist to owning a sweatshop isn't more popular. I feel it would go over super well with the Neo-Confederates.

  • UW8316154

    What is it with the tight-assed Republican political wives who have more ambition than their husbands? Yeah, I'm looking at you too, Calista.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Why are we listening to anything the Mittbot says? He will say literally anything. And the people inclined to listen to him will hear him say that ONE thing and will simply regurgitate it as gospel.

  • Abernathy

    Today, we are all currency manipulators.

  • LibrarianX

    Who needs caffeine when you've got Egg around? No wonder Mitt always seems so twitchy.

  • Chet Kincaid_

    What the fuck is that picture, some horrifying cross between Beeker and Bullworth?!

  • mavenmaven

    I hope all those poor white Romneyites know that Romney is just waiting to round them up and put them to work on low paying 12 hour shifts. After all, what's good for the "job creators" is good for America.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Whew. For a minute there I was afraid Romney was going to engage in some naked class warfare, and lying, and – dare I say it? Bullshitting.

  • DahBoner

    Maker of caramel-colored sugar water says what?

  • chascates

    Romney wants to turn America into a giant labor prison just like China.

  • rwsx2

    Mittens is a genuine Lombard — Lots Of Money But A Real Dick.

    (Respect to William Gibson for the term Lombard.)

  • ttommyunger

    But will you love me long time?