Hello to all of you in the Eastern third of this great country, currently hoarding boxes of wine and tarp and more boxes of wine in order to hopefully get through Frankenstorm without killing your loved ones in a fit of cabin fever. How is that going for you, gathering all those supplies and whatnot? Would it go EVEN BETTER if you knew that there was no FEMA? Or, what if you knew that FEMA had been turned into a profit-making machine for Job Creators? Would that make you work EVEN HARDER to prepare for the oncoming storm? Absolutely it would, says Mitt Romney, and also, do you think that FEMA will help you pick of the pieces of your ruined lives if the worst should occur? LOSERS. This is nothing short of immoral.

Here he is, way back in the primary debates, arguing that he wouldn’t have given a thin dime to the residents of Joplin, MO, because of how letting them die in the streets, surrounded by rubble and eaten by stray dogs, would have been better for the deficit. Would you cut disaster relief, the moderator asked him? And he said:

“Every time you have an occasion to take something from the federal government and send it back to the states, that’s the right direction. And if you can go even further, and send it back to the private sector, that’s even better. Instead of thinking, in the federal budget, what we should cut, we should ask the opposite question, what should we keep? “We cannot afford to do those things without jeopardizing the future for our kids,” Romney said. “It is simply immoral, in my view, for us to continue to rack up larger and larger debts and pass them on to our kids, knowing full well that we’ll all be dead and gone before it’s paid off. It makes no sense at all.””

See, he’d just “send it back to the states,” along with Medicaid. And birth control. And gay marriage. The states are going to be pretty busy under a Romney presidency, trying to pay for hurricanes AND Poors and Olds and babies, but whatever, it’s just Poors and Olds and babies of people who are probably Poors, so who gives a fuck. As for privatizing FEMA, well GOSH, why wouldn’t we? Remember how well it worked out for Katrina survivors when they were given free formalahyde-infested trailers courtesy a public-private partnership between FEMA and some horrible firm that surely had ties to the Bush administration?


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  • nounverb911

    This is good news for Halliburton.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Everything bad is good news for Halliburton.

    • LibertyLover

      And Blackwater or XE, or whatever the heck they are calling themselves.

  • Sparky McGruff

    Never fear, the Romney Bus is currently packed full of supplies, ready to deliver to crucial swing-states.

  • I'm taking FEMA's advice and staying indoors and home from work until the storm has passed.

    But since I live in San Francisco I'm having a slight problem convincing my boss that it's a good idea.

    • nounverb911

      At least go to Fort Mason Park and watch the America's Cup boats capsize.

    • MissTaken

      It's foggy today, which is obviously very unusual for SF. We should all go home and drink Fernet until this whole thing blows over.

      • OneDollarJuana

        OMG! Seattle is almost next to San Francisco! I'm going home right now to get ready for the storm!

        Lemme see. Those emergency supplies are right next to the Pendleton and the Flor de Cana.

        • UW8316154

          I was composing something witty about immediately evacuating my workplace in Seattle when "BOOM" all the lights and power went out on campus.

          On backup now, but with this wind we're having today, maybe I should head home for realz.

    • Barrelhse

      Joshua, perhaps you could remind your boss about just who it is that happens to be EMPEROR Norton.

  • Sophist[Kochblocker]

    I don't understand what all these people are getting so worked up about. Can't they all just stay at their chalet in Aspen until the whole thing blows over?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Romney Hurricane Survival Tip #4: Make sure your car elevator is stationed at the top floor and not in the basement garage.

    • rickmaci

      Somebody has to keep the workhouses operating.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Yep, I'm definitely voting to put someone in charge of the federal govt. who hates the federal govt.
    And then I'm going to ask Mitt to watch my doggies while I take a vacation.
    And then I will ask Chris Christie to make sure the 'fridge is full so my kids have something to eat.
    And then…..

    • MissTaken

      …I'm going to ask Rick Santorum to teach sex ed to my 17 year old niece.

    • Callyson

      …I'll ask Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock to draft a new version of the Violence Aganist Women Act.

      …I'll ask Rick Scott to head an investigation into Medicare fraud.

      …I'll ask Joe Walsh to write up a budget to fund child support collection enforcement agencies.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Then I'll ask Paul Ryan for some job search and budget advice.

      • rickmaci

        And to take care of my grandparents with some coupons for flashlights and foods.

        • UW8316154

          And was my dishes.

        • Willardbot9000_V2.5

          hey…paul ryan wants to do more than just give them coupons…he's offering DOUBLE coupons!

    • Redgyal

      I'll ask Newtie for advice on being a good Catholic and how to have a successful marriage.

      Then I'll ask Megyn whatshername to show me how to be taken seriously as a woman in the corporate world.

  • Pragmatist2

    Under Romney with all the people who would be killed and then the private contractors who abandon "repaving" driveways to repair your houses, unemployment should hit zero. So should the economy.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Right…those year old roads need repaving…:dynamite blast: look at all those pot holes! This going to cost at least 2 billion to repair. Oh you mean the city says it will cost 2 MILLION? haha…what are you gonna trust a bunch of dumb death panel socialists or are you going to trust a brilliant, honest and totally loving contractor exec? "Those holes werent there before, you put them there!"…see folks this is what an anti-business liberal social-fascist would say. Vote Republican and lets privatize this responsibly so I can fix it…

  • noodlesalad

    Mitt is advising everyone to move from their beach house to their mountain house, and, for god's sake, make sure you put those car elevators to good use and move the Cadillacs up to the second floor.

    • nounverb911

      And don't forget to lash your dancing ponies to the roofs of your Range Rovers.

      • noodlesalad

        Also, legally, you don't have to pay your household staff to bag sand. The Bain team has found a loophole, so long as you have your bags imported from Cambodia and you're using Bermuda sand (like you would bag with anything else!).

    • fawkedifiknow

      And, if you've lost everything in the storm, just ask your parents for a couple hundred K to get you back on your feet.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    send it back to the private sector

    Which in turns sends the work overseas and pockets the profits.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, the Chinese did a great job building our railroads, I'm sure they would work out just fine rebuilding our infrastructure and cleaning up those natural disaster messes at 3 dollars a day.

  • But Mittens is nice now. He wouldn't do anything like that. The commercials said so.

  • gullywompr

    Just outsource FEMA to China, for the savingz.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    But what would Romney have done if the hurricane had wrecked the auto industry?

    • Sent the rubble to China?


      Shit his fancy pants?

    • Terry

      He'd have looked for a way to personally profit.

    • Loch_Nessosaur

      Be angry because he plans on doing just that if elected.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      "Let Detroit be washed away into the sea."

  • bravo_sierra

    This is good news for blue states like mine that pay more in federal income taxes than receive in federal funds. For the red state moochers, not so much.

  • Indiepalin

    Day 1: Eliminate the Weather Channel

    • nounverb911

      Mitt can't do that, Bain is a part owner of TWC.

      • Callyson

        NOW I know why TWC is such a pain in the ass to deal with.

        • Beowoof

          Why since they added reality shows, I now almost never watch. It used to be my go station for background noise. Now the noise is offensive.

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            I was thrilled when I turned in for my "weather on the 8s" and heard Phish coming out of the teevee. Gotta be some dope-smokin' hippies working on the weekends.

    • rickmaci

      Actually, it would be NOAA that gets cut under the Ryan budget.

  • LOL, Water tornado hitting New York? Did it lose it's glasses?

  • cognachas4paws

    He'd say, hey I'm sending a couple of buses with stuff, if every American does that, we'll get the East Coast back on its collective feet in no time…within 6 months, they should be ready to start living again and in a year or two, you won't know anything happened. See, the PRIVATE SECTOR can respond to a disaster much better than those FEMA people with their money and trailers and blankets, and those Coast Guard people showing off and rescuing people, and those pilots who try to act all Top Gun-like and fly planes into the eye of a hurricane to tell us exactly how badly we're going to get our asses kicked by Mother Nature.

    They got nothin' on my two buses laden with…stuff.

    • Beowoof

      Well the Coast Guard rescuing people can be filmed for another shitty reality show on the Bain owned Weather Channel.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Romney wants to make all the red states pay for themselves instead of being subsidized by the blue states. He may want to run that one buy his constituents first.

    • CrunchyKnee

      Most of the red state dumb-asses don't believe that they are gov'ment moochers and the like also too. Facts have a lib'ral bias, you know.

      • Which explains why science is just a commie plot by tree iceberg huggers.

    • mrpuma2u
    • Barrelhse

      They're too fucking stupid to understand.

  • Goonemeritus

    Why would we turn it over to the States they are almost as bureaucratic as the federal government. I say make everyone buy their own fire truck and rescue boat. When my children were young I warned them that at the first sign of storm they were on their own.

    • and speaking from the great state of IL, far more corrupt.

      • mrpuma2u

        I just wish they would have put Ryan and Blago in the same cell. The other part of that dream is to see both of those bung-holes put on a roadside garbage pick up detail along the Eisenhower, only on the cold raw rainy days.

    • kittensdontlie

      Spare the solo storm training, spoil the child.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Every time you have an occasion to take something from the federal government and send it back to the states, that’s the right direction."

    Yer Goddam right!!

    • How does Idaho get $1.21 back for every Amero taxed yet Washington State, which is awash in DoD bases, only manages to get $0.88 Ameros back for every dollar donated? Oh yeah, this ruralz and urban thingie that plays such a role in allocating Ameros to the rednecks of Rethuglicania while telling the big cities to sing their socialist blues.

      • Terry

        Washington State is paying a lot more taxes than the Idahoans. Too many Idahoans live in backwoods cabins, off the grid and hoarding weapons.

  • Terry

    Remember also that Paul Ryan's budget calls for cutting NOAA and the science and environment agencies by 14%. Those forecasts that let people evacuate well ahead of the storm? They aren't created by the chipper guy on your local news broadcast.

    • Barrelhse

      How about the one with the perky tits?

  • orygoon

    Hey you East Coasters! Want some candy?

    • nounverb911

      Hey Oregon coasters, how's your collection of radioactive tsunami trash coming along?

    • slithytoves

      I have a lot of candy – for Halloween.My greatest fear is being stuck in the house for the next few days with hundreds of mini $100,000 bars.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Subtly I kept telling Mom that I was voting again for Obama. That never again would I vote for a Republican. She decided last week to pull the O lever. Though she wrote this weekend with a subject line of "I'm blue….", with body text of "Colin Powell colored me in."

    We can take that at face value as she is not a racist.

  • slithytoves

    Maybe someone will think to ask him a question about FEMA later on this week?

    • freakishlywrong

      He and Haskell are doing NO MORE PRESS. You know, because they've been so dogged calling them out on all their other lies.

    • LibertyLover

      It won't matter. He's just out and out lying now….

  • PsycWench

    I'm looking forward to seeing him emulate Bobby Jindal backtracking on volcanoes.

    • We love those volcanoes out here in the NW. Blow, baby, blow.

    • seeing him emulate Bobby Jindal… on volcanoes

      Or Eric Cantor re: tornadoes

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “It is simply immoral, in my view, for us to continue to rack up larger and larger debts and pass them on to OUR kids, knowing full well that we’ll all be dead and gone before it’s paid off. It makes no sense at all.”

    Somehow, I don't think your kids are really fucking worried about this.

    • CrunchyKnee

      Willard's planet won't have any gosh-dang FEMA.

  • MissTaken

    It'll be Wednesday: ticker tape parade, Halloween, and SorosBot's arrival. Today is just hangover day.

    • SorosBot

      So you'll be celebrating by driving to the airport to pick me up! Well assuming that flight doesn't get cancelled too and I have to re-book yet again.

      • Geminisunmars

        We will be praying for you. Or drinking a toast to you. Or smoking…

  • poorgradstudent

    Holy crap, the "Private industry is better than government in every possible way, just because!" argument never fails to make me physically ill. Sure, you get huge short-term profits when you sell off the water works or whathaveyou, but, shockingly, you also close off a potential source of revenue from bills and fees.

    Even worse is the line, which the true believers seem to completely buy into, that corporations somehow, some way have less bureaucratic red tape. Clearly these are people who never haggled with an insurance company or had to deal with a student laon shark…I mean (?), company. I'd just have way more respect if they just said, "Here's the deal: we're going to loot the fuck out of your government, but hey, you might get lower taxes out of the deal, possibly!"

    • right and i think the history of privatizing gov't functions is littered with much higher costs and very mixed results (i'm thinking military contracting, MA, prisons, schools)

      but no one calls them on this shit. it's just an accepted truism that the private sector is better.

      • poorgradstudent

        And of course our massive, inefficient clusterfuck of a health care system which has reached legendary proportions for people outside the country. It's probably the biggest proof that our faith in capitalism has long reached Lysenko-esque levels of irrationality.

    • Gleem McShineys

      I always get such great service when I have to deal with my wireless, cable, or telephone companies!

      Meaning the part of the service where they send me the bill. The part where they I have to call them to fix problems? That part of the service is perhaps a little tiny smidge of a bit less than perfect.

      But then again, that is Obama's fault. He's an anti-colonialist, after all.

    • Redgyal

      Anyone who says things move more efficiently in a corporation has never had to deal with office politics.

  • not that Dewey

    Mitt Romney will hire the Cato Institute to print up some fancy brochures, in the event of a nation-wide power outage.

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, Mitt, it is wrong that we "continue to rack up larger and larger debts and pass them on to our kids" just so we Bush could invade Iraq just for the hell of it and unconscionably give away a shitload of tax money to the super-rich.

    • MissTaken

      But deficits don't matter!

      • SorosBot

        Reagan proved it! But strangely the GOP seems to think deficits matter when there is a Democratic President, but only then.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Parade is Wednesday- Halloween is always a holiday in SF, this just starts it early.

  • SorosBot

    And hey, I finally got the regular comments instead of the squiggly aliens! We'll see if this lasts; fucking hurricane clogging up the internets.

    • MissTaken

      Good luck! You should bust into some of your dad's bourbon and ride the thing out drunker than a skunk.

    • LibertyLover

      The trucks in the tubes haz traffic jamz.

    • ttommyunger

      The day is young, you'll get the squiggly aliens…..WTF is up with that, anyway?

  • kittensdontlie

    That's how to create a more perfect union, let every state be for themselves.

  • editor

    entitlement 101:

    every time blah blah, taking money from federal government and send it "back" to the private sector IS AWESOME. (paraphrasing.) gotta love that "back" in there. government owes me a living!

  • cheetojeebus

    Watch how his concern disappears after his defeat on Tuesday next. He'll be back to his ticker tape machine with an eye to dispose of some assets and pension funds to cleanse his palate.

    • it has to be said:

      from your mouth to god's ear.

    • BadKitty904

      I could live with that.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Hurricanes must be truly frightful to someone who changes their opinion with the direction of the wind.

    • emmelemm

      Ooh. That's a good one.

    • What emm said and also teh upfist of upfistiness.

  • Jesus, did he even hear the question?!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    In Mitt's world:

    Spending money on people in need = immoral.

    Spending money on war = moral.

    GTK, Mitt! F'nGTF'nK!


    even blessed saint adam smith knew that.

    • Beowoof

      But Devil's Saint Ayn Rand said no public services were the way to go. I am surprised they can think at all with all the conflicting philosophies they follow.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Has Mitt Romney offered his inevitable abstract, uninformed and callously opportunistic criticism of Obama's handling of Frankenstorm yet?

    • He's got his bots out announcing on every Web site and social media platform how WUNNERFUL he is because he canceled all his rallies and advertising and asked his nutbag followers to consider giving $$ to the Red Cross. Meanwhile (according to their version of reality), opportunist Bams has NOT canceled his ads, and is being shiftless, and hasn't donated a penny. (Neither has Romney, but the bots appear to be insufficiently clued-in to notice THAT.)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      That was two or three posts ago…

  • gullywompr

    Wow, Bamz just sent me an email not asking for teh moneez. Seems he wants me to be safe. Melt.

    • He's worming his way into all our hearts, again, goddammit. (Beams)

  • GeorgiaBurning

    I'm sure that bagging sand counts as a mineral depletion tax credit, expect Romney to do pretty well with all his houses.

  • Radiotherapy

    Another fucking thing he promises to do on "Day One". Right after repealing Robomacare, getting rid of the "death tax", valuing Chinese currency, overturning Roe v. Wade, cutting PP and PBS, rescinding Dodd-Frank, undoing every regulation, drilling in Yosemite, coupons for the oldz, getting "our country back", doubling he military…who has time to unpack?

    • BadKitty904

      What's with the "getting our country back" thing, anyways? Where did it go?

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        This is the most bullshittery of bullshit political rhetoric. The R-Money signs on my street (and probably yours) have the slogan "Believe in America," as if anyone who doesn't support this robber-baron thinks America was a great idea, but since it didn't work out, we can just move on to a different plan. Fuck them.

    • Romneys don't "unpack," foolish prole. They merely purchase an entire new inside for the house and have the help stow it where it's handy.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Well, he doesn't drink, so he can skip all those immoral inauguration balls.

  • mavenmaven

    The free market is more interested in selling the victims for fertilizer to China. Job creation!

    • LibertyLover

      Soylent Green! It's what's for Breakfast.

  • BeccaLou, I canNOT keep up with this stable of hot new talent you've brought into our beloved old flea-infested ratheap of a Wonketz. (pout)

  • BlueStateLibel

    Settle down, people, as Mittens said, all's we need for this storm is a bigger NAVY, right? I'm sure some horses and bayonets would also help big time.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Lest you think it's just Rmoney or Jindal that wish to privatize emergency preparedness, Rick Santorum wished to privatize the National Weather Service. Great minds think alike.

  • LACorvus

    Would allowing FEMA to be run at the state level mean we get to call it SEMA?

  • Hammiepants

    Pish! If a frankenstorm or a draculaquake should trouble Sir Mittens, he will just go to another house in another state! And if you leeches had any foresight, you would have planned your other housing options better! You people, wanting food and shelter.

  • gullywompr

    Romney spokesman accusing MSNBC of "politicizing" Mitt's proposed policy on FEMA. Nothing more despicable than politicizing policy at a time when it applies.

    • Gleem McShineys

      What's next? Presenting his words, in context? Before you know it, these monsters in the drive-by media will probably forget how to be good stenographers! Have they no shame?!

  • freakishlywrong

    Utah doesn't get hurricanes. Yet. Jesus, no wonder they hate him in Massachusetts. But, after all, having killer hurricanes hit New England in November is the "new normal". Fucking idiots.

  • LibertyLover

    Are we sure that this storm isn't happening because Romeny sux?

  • HELisforHEL

    No snark, but just a note that I hope all the Wonkette folks stay safe and dry.
    And I want to send Rmoney out on that pony into the Atlantic, with a saber. He and Kolub can fight the storm and save Americuh.

  • LibertyLover

    When that big tsunami wave comes and washes the battleship John F. Kennedy into the White House….. I hope the President stays safe….

    …..I saw that somewhere… Wasn't that on Fox News last night?

  • LibertyLover

    OT and no snark— What is the difference between FEMA — for one time catastrophic events and Universal Health Care — for everyday catastrophic health effects.

  • goat_thrower

    Romney wants to privatize hurricanes too so that they will outsource their destruction overseas.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mitt's just angling to get Wyoming to name their aircraft carrier the W.S.S. Romney.

  • LibertyLover

    On a sad note, Wall Street is closed today and Mitt can't make any money.

  • Eve8Apples

    Mitt saw Louisiana's and Mississippi's responses to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita and thought to himself, "We should replicate that model nationwide."

  • sudsmckenzie

    How will this effect Donald Trumps hair?

  • mustangsavvy

    These Poors. Bless their hearts. They're poor because they didn't have the foresight to be born into a wealthy family thus inheriting their car elevators, summer beach homes and mountain chalets. Bad planning, really. They ought to be horse whipped to teach them a lesson.

  • ttommyunger

    Some say Obama smells like cookies and freedom. Sources on the ground say that R'Money smells like money and flop-sweat.

  • DesertTed

    Of course we should privatize it. Why would we want to pay someone $150K to run FEMA when we could pay someone $25 Million to do the same thing in the private sector?

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