SEETHER  12:10 pm October 29, 2012

Watch Paul Ryan’s Wife Janna Stop Herself From Tearing Unemployed Guy’s Throat Out With Her Teeth

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Here is a rather whiny guy (Millennial, obvs) who simply will not leave Paul Ryan alone, when all Paul Ryan is trying to do is mind his own business and walk in a Memorial Day parade or something and not talk to him about his silly old “can’t get a job” problem! He is WALKING HERE!!! The whiny Millennial is all like “So what should I do, work for a dollar an hour like in China?” which is an excellent point considering His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney was exposed today talking about how China is “better” for business than America, which we will presumably write about when Kris E. Benson wakes up. So Paul Ryan does what Paul Ryan always does, and brushes him off with an offer of candy. (We bet the homeless fellow that Paul Ryan did not punch in the face would have liked some candy, but he got the gift of twice-washed dishes instead.) That is all well and good and exactly what you would expect from Paul Ryan. We are more interested in Paul Ryan’s seething wife, Janna, who seems to be an Egg in the making!

Gritted-teeth smile? Check!
Nodding with inappropriate hostility? Yes!
Can’t believe the NERVE of some constituents not making proper obeisance at the man who is her powerful, manly, scholarly, intellectual heft and heart of the GOP husband? Indeedy, that too, also, too.

Janna Ryan may not set any new bars for wifely dickness, but she’s a comer and one to watch! We expect great thing from her in future.

 
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{ 138 comments }

Beetagger October 29, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I'd like some candy.

BadKitty904 October 29, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Me, too, but not from Paul Ryan.

Radiotherapy October 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Never take candy from a strange sociopath.

Sophist[Kochblocker] October 29, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Moocher.

hagajim October 29, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I thought you weren't supposed to take candy from horrible people. It might have a razor blade (or jerb cuts) in it.

1stNewtontheMoon October 29, 2012 at 12:15 pm

He loves labor likes Romney loves women, teachers, and Big Bird.

Jus_Wonderin October 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Oh, so Ryan has a feather encrusted schlong?

DemmeFatale October 29, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I love this kid!
So persitent with his plaintive, no nonsense questions.
I like how the video captures his sweet cracking voice compared to the Ryan rictus smiles and dickishness.

MosesInvests October 29, 2012 at 12:16 pm

I just realized-Ryan looks like an @sshole version of my ex-brother-in-law.

Jus_Wonderin October 29, 2012 at 12:33 pm

My ex-brother-in-law is the original version @sshole.

MosesInvests October 29, 2012 at 12:56 pm

My ex-b-in-l is actually a good guy. I miss hanging out with him.

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I can totally see that. OOPS!! (Hurriedly closes MosesInvests surveillance file)

Indiepalin October 29, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Sorry, but listening to Ryan's wife prostitute herself for her husbands career is like watching Charles Krauthammer handicap the presidential race.

Sophist[Kochblocker] October 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm

"…watching Charles Krauthammer handicap the presidential race."

Pun intended?

memzilla October 29, 2012 at 12:46 pm

This is teh Wonket. Puns are always intended.

Gleem McShineys October 29, 2012 at 3:43 pm

He's on a roll.

Pragmatist2 October 29, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Ah, the subtle puns are strong in this one!

lulzmonger October 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Quick, zip up! Your paronomasia is showing!

Ryy October 29, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Ever have Chinese candy? It sucks.

CrunchyKnee October 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Ummm, I don't know, those scorpions on a stick are "tasty."

kyeshinka October 29, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Ginger and eucalyptus, just like Korean candy.

hagajim October 29, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Usually comes with extra lead though.

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Sure, Melamin-Pops!®

redarmyzombie October 29, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Have you ever had Chinese donuts?

If you haven't, I should let you know: they aren't actually donuts…

BerkeleyBear October 29, 2012 at 12:17 pm

The whole local pols tossing candy in small town parades schtick is something I saw a lot in Springfield. It was especially "funny" when kids would charge out into the street for a couple of pieces and almost wind up getting crushed by the vintage tractors or marching band.

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Shriners-driving-miniature-Mustangs libel!

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Do you think Ryan could stifle his laughter if that happened?

DerrickWildcat October 29, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I'd take the candy, cuz like, free candy.

An_Outhouse October 29, 2012 at 12:27 pm

it probably had razor blades in it.

Dr_Zoidberg October 29, 2012 at 12:30 pm

There you go, expecting the gummint to give you a hand-out!

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2012 at 12:36 pm

That candy is probably all the flavors that everyone avoids, like watermelon, sour apple, and licorice.

freakishlywrong October 29, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Isn't Mrs. Haskell a lobbyist, for fuck's sake? Talk about the "takers", she's a world class succubus.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 29, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I can never forgive Mrs. Haskell for all those things her son Eddie did.

OkieDokieDog October 29, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I didn't like her as soon as I heard a local newscaster gleefully report and no doubt peeing a bit in their panties from the excitement: She's a OKIE girl, cousin to (worthless blue dog) Dan Boren, with dogs named Boomer & Sooner!!!!
That plus she's married to Lyin' Ryan.

Loch_Nessosaur October 29, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I'm surprised she didn't shoot back an I didn't ask you a question.

MissTaken October 29, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I'll vote for anyone who gives me free candy.

JustPixelz October 29, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I'll vote for anyone who simply says whatever I want to hear. Like Mitt Romney: "A chicken codon bleu in every pot, a car in every elevator."

boskolives October 30, 2012 at 6:26 am

Heh heh, I got your candy right here, in the back of that van with those blacked out windows…..

Sophist[Kochblocker] October 29, 2012 at 12:19 pm

And, you know, the thing about a Republican political wife… she's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living… until she bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'.

PsycWench October 29, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Callista Gingrich is the prototype, but we have some strong up-and-comers here.

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2012 at 12:24 pm

We're gonna need a bigger baby stroller.

calliecallie October 29, 2012 at 12:31 pm

We're going to need a bigger boat.

Not_Mother October 29, 2012 at 1:13 pm

We're gonna need a bigger tent.

NellCote71 October 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm

And they all look like they are some major anti-depressants. Not that I am judging. I would be loaded to if I were a Republican pol's wife.

Ryy October 29, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Uppity poors are so freaking annoying!

kittenbomb October 29, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I KNOW! Why don't they just go back to one of their vacation homes and call 911? From the phone in the car elevator, obviously.

freakishlywrong October 29, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Paul Ryan has sought fourteenth amendment rights for eggs in the making.

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I don't understand why the guy wouldn't take that swell American flag from Ryan.

Radiotherapy October 29, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Would you like a voucher?

ManchuCandidate October 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm

The ghost of Leona Helmsley nods in approval.

PsycWench October 29, 2012 at 12:22 pm

God forbid these woman actually run for the office themselves, if they feel so entitled to it.

BaldarTFlagass October 29, 2012 at 12:22 pm

That kid in his fucking stroller looks to be a couple years older than the new-born Obama we saw the other day. Freeloader. Bet he still nurses and her tits look like a pair of dirty gym socks stapled to her chest.

Disassembly October 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Jesse Eisenberg is right but he should have taken the candy.

freakishlywrong October 29, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Goddamn. That, (your avatar), image still gives me shivers, and not the good kind. Yikes!

fuflans October 29, 2012 at 2:12 pm

your avatar needs a spoiler alert.

Disassembly October 29, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Soon.

Geminisunmars October 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Finally a reason to leave the rank(ness) of the undecided voter: I would rather look upon Dr Jill's sweet punim for another 4 years, than even 4 minutes of this clenched puss.

gullywompr October 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Candy? I guess it's now a six point plan…

SexySmurf October 29, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Let them eat Skittles.

calliecallie October 29, 2012 at 12:33 pm

They might feel the rainbow then. How about Jujubes? Sounds too ethnic. What about Good N Plenty!

mrpuma2u October 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Milk duds are definitely out of the question….

Trinket October 29, 2012 at 12:41 pm

And iced tea. And then we can shoot them.

lulzmonger October 29, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Apres moi, le Ramen.

gullywompr October 29, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Ryan and family delivering hurricane relief. Want some candy, little poor?

An_Outhouse October 29, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Whiny Man-Girl needs to move to Canada.

DerrickWildcat October 29, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I am outraged that 60 million Americans are in extreme immediate DANGER and here he is just having a great old time walking around in a parade!

Radiotherapy October 29, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Good Job Brown-Nosey!

AddHomonym October 29, 2012 at 12:30 pm

This is how you become a successful politician, by being a master at interacting with people. Look how he won that young man over!

OneYieldRegular October 29, 2012 at 12:30 pm

"Would you like some candy?" pretty much sums up the entire Romney/Ryan economic plan.

Buckminster October 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

About as creepy as the whole campaign sounds.

JustPixelz October 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Paul Ryan is thinking: WWARD? ("What Would Ayn Rand Do?") Then he shrugged the guy off with candy.

orygoon October 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Shit–John D. Rockefeller at least handed out dimes.

Buckminster October 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

At least those were worth 10 cents when John D. was handing them out.

Radiotherapy October 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Maybe he could get a job as a dishwasher. That doesn't look to hard. Just watch the callouses on your fingers rom the hot water.

Sue4466 October 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

We're just trying to have a little fun here sir. Not sure why you'd think a Labor Day parade is a time to talk about labor. Or why this fine fellow running to be VP should have to provide any specifics on how he'd govern. Romney/Ryan 2012!

kyeshinka October 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I'm gonna tell all my trick-or-treaters to get a job, commies! You wanna be like the Soviet Union, which we all know is still a threat?

kppontrucking October 29, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I'll never forget this lady:
http://rawstory.com/news/2008/McCain_supporter_tu

beezie687 October 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Why are they all married to blondes?

SorosBot October 29, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Republican women must bleach their hair blond by law, just as they must wear Tammy Faye Baker-esqe clown levels of makeup.

EnnuiThereYet? October 29, 2012 at 12:45 pm

So it's not as disconcerting when you swap out the old one for a new model.

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:50 pm

John Derek Libel!!

Mumbletypeg October 29, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Yeah I was gonna root [heh] for the exception seen in Mrs. Pawlenty but, uh maybe not so much.

hollyrocks209 October 29, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Because then there's absolutely no way that someone will mistake them for having an "ethnic" (shudder) background.

boskolives October 30, 2012 at 6:33 am

Egg dyed on the cross for their right to be yellow-heads

Sue4466 October 29, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Not sure which is worse, that Romney & Ryan repeatedly show such contempt for the poor and middle class or that a significant percentage of the poor and middle class will still vote for these fuckers.

lulzmonger October 29, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The latter, by far.

It'd be pretty hard NOT to eventually feel contempt for folks who let you screw them over time after time … but it takes a very special kind of ugly idiocy to keep bending over again & again for the same tired old scam.

Blueb4sinrise October 29, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I'd have asked for pony .

not that Dewey October 29, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Doktor Zoom will be here, soon enough.

calliecallie October 29, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Thanks to Wonkette, I cannot think of Mrs. Romney as anything but Egg.

Isyaignert October 29, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Srsly, I'm in the same boat, but I'm still not sure where the "Egg" name for Ayn Rmoney comes from. Is it because she has so many kids and she used up a bunch of eggs to make them?

1stNewtontheMoon October 29, 2012 at 5:48 pm

You can thank Wonkette, Arrested Development, and Mitch Hurwitz. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1iwfmNCEIk

SorosBot October 29, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I'm surprised Ryan offered the candy; he seems like one of those douches who would give out toothbrushes instead, or possibly Fountainhead paperbacks. And his house could use some toilet paper and eggs.

BlueMonkeh October 29, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Any wench unencumbered by enough of a soul to be joined in eternity to such a man does not deserve of our consideration.

In other words, bitch married this walking, breathing douche canoe so – what was the point?

Mittens Howell, III October 29, 2012 at 12:40 pm

HaHa would you like some free smug with that unemployment.

Radiotherapy October 29, 2012 at 12:45 pm

A whole, heapin' helpin' of smug.

Lazy Media October 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm

As much as the Ryans are awful, awful people, I sympathize with anyone who is accosted by the modern phenomenon of douchenozzles asking "questions" on videotape, in hope of a meltdown/punching by the candidate/celebrity.

Today, we are all James O'Keefe, and we need to be solidly punched in the face for it.

carlgt1 October 29, 2012 at 12:45 pm

sure, when James O'Keefe finally gets a beat-down first!

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Except it's the fucking job of candidates and politicians to fucking answer reasonable questions.

Isyaignert October 29, 2012 at 4:28 pm

True 'dat – 'cept today's one-size-fits-all answer appears to be "Have a nice day."

EnnuiThereYet? October 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm

That reminds me, I need to go buy some candy for the 47% that will be ringing my doorbell this Wednesday.

chascates October 29, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Reagan proved deficits don't matter. Dubya proved compassionate conservatism doesn't matter.

gullywompr October 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Janna's a "comer"? I doubt that very much.

Tommy1733 October 29, 2012 at 2:24 pm

She would be a comer if she had a real man to sleep with, or one of those lesbians I have heard so much about.

gullywompr October 29, 2012 at 2:30 pm

What have you heard? My friend wants to know.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Ryan had nothing to say because his plan is to have this guy take the 1$ an hour job and STFU about it. And Janna appears to have lockjaw. HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!!

carlgt1 October 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm

why would Repugs participate in a Labor Day parade, when it's obvious they want what this guy said – US workers to "compete" with no-benefit, no-rights workers in China.

Callyson October 29, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Isn't "candy" a euphemism for drugs? Because if that fucker got into the White House, I know I'd need some…

dennis1943 October 29, 2012 at 12:46 pm

She got a congratulatory letter from Anne……..

maggiejoan October 29, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Janna reminds me of an angry version of that reverend's wife in True Blood. Only not as hot. And hates everyone.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 29, 2012 at 12:47 pm

This would be a lot more effective if that guy did not sound like he was about to cry. Just take your fucking candy, crybaby.

Pragmatist2 October 29, 2012 at 12:49 pm

She has first rate teeth. Probably why he married her.

boskolives October 30, 2012 at 6:36 am

He did say that they were the nicest teeth he'd ever come across

zumpie October 29, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Snark off: Early on Janna Ryan was touted as a "secret weapon" for the R&R campaign because we wiiiiiiimmmmmmiiiiiinnnn!!!! would find her "down to earth and relatable". Yet the only "headline" she grabbed was also early on and consisted of her campaigning in a very fugly clearance dress from Kohl's (with Egg looking fabulously disgusted at being placed near such a commoner). After that, nationally all she did was introduce her husband by video at the RNC, stand behind him (fully and rudely blocked actually) on the tarmac the next day and appear quite gracious and friendly to OHJB after he made her husband his complete and permanent bitch.

Frankly, I couldn't understand why they didn't use her more, since she SEEMED nicer than Marie-Ann. Now we know, damage control before the fact. One cheap, ugly dress snagged by a staffer does not a nice, approachable lady make.

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Girlfight!!

BoroPrimorac October 29, 2012 at 3:35 pm

"and appear quite gracious and friendly to OHJB after he made her husband his complete and permanent bitch."

What a fucking night that was.

zumpie October 29, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Though you know, OHJB only won cause he was drunk/senile/gaffe prone, etc….cause otherwise Eddie would've totally kicked his old man ass!

imissopus October 29, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I am totally entertained by Paul Ryan wearing a Packers shirt, as the Packers are the only publicly-owned franchise in major league sports (socializmz!) and of course employ players who all belong to a union. Of course I'm sure that has been pointed out to him.

Come here a minute October 29, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I'll watch the video when Paul Ryan’s wife Janna doesn't stop herself from tearing a guy’s throat out with her teeth.

TribecaMike October 29, 2012 at 1:01 pm

The kid's an obvious Libertarian plant. No Democrat would ever turn down candy.

bfddad October 29, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Did Ryan say, "Would you like a pack your bags schedule?" This is harder than trying to figure out a Beatles record played backwards.

Cheburashka64 October 29, 2012 at 2:06 pm

"Would you like a Packers magnet schedule?"

bfddad October 29, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Well that makes sense. Although if the kid doesn't have a job, what good is it?

mavenmaven October 29, 2012 at 1:15 pm

The nerve! Doesn't he know that only right wing Real American patriots are allowed to hassle politicians on video?

Not_Mother October 29, 2012 at 1:21 pm

"A dollar an hour? Why YES, as you can see my wife so vigorously nodding her approval of. Son, a dollar an hour is $20 a day! That's $140 a week! Who says my numbers don't add up?"

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I think Janna was pretty clear with that head-nod that he should, in fact, be working for $1 an hour.

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Needs moar Come On-A My House. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuUABrOW7HI

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 29, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I imagine she wears that forced smile when Paul puts his Ayn Rand into her Fountainhead.

boskolives October 30, 2012 at 6:40 am

She gave him Fountainhead?

TribecaMike October 29, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Jesse Eisenberg meets Tosh .O?

Chet Kincaid_ October 29, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Janna will give you fish! She'll give you candy! Just give her back her man, man!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-qpGKi2Bsc

fuflans October 29, 2012 at 2:14 pm

ok, i have to say, i love uncomfortable shit like this.

especially when it happens – as it usually does – to the good people of the GOP.

Tommy1733 October 29, 2012 at 2:26 pm

So far, wife-dicks have been fairly influential in the current election cycle.

mrblifil October 29, 2012 at 3:27 pm

This comment was deleted by the user because the apocalypse.

ChapterUndVerse October 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Another photo opp ruined by reality, like "Mission Accomplished," "My Pet Goat," and that washing the dishes like a poorz thing. How can a picture be worth a thousand words if they aren't all lying for Ryan?

ttommyunger October 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm

That situation could have been turned into a positive Vid-0p by an intuitive, caring candidate. Lucky for us they only have Ryan and Romney.

greencar October 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Ryan is not elected yet! What an idiot. OBAMA is the problem, Why is he complaining, whining to Ryan? Another rediculous article by this incompetent Rebecca shoenkopf!

mariannemann November 8, 2012 at 3:46 pm

oh, so this is what they were talking about when they said 'free stuff'? some crappy candy?

mosjef November 8, 2012 at 9:20 pm

No candy? Well, you can suck my wife's toes if I can videotape it.

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