Watch Paul Ryan’s Wife Janna Stop Herself From Tearing Unemployed Guy’s Throat Out With Her Teeth

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Here is a rather whiny guy (Millennial, obvs) who simply will not leave Paul Ryan alone, when all Paul Ryan is trying to do is mind his own business and walk in a Memorial Day parade or something and not talk to him about his silly old “can’t get a job” problem! He is WALKING HERE!!! The whiny Millennial is all like “So what should I do, work for a dollar an hour like in China?” which is an excellent point considering His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney was exposed today talking about how China is “better” for business than America, which we will presumably write about when Kris E. Benson wakes up. So Paul Ryan does what Paul Ryan always does, and brushes him off with an offer of candy. (We bet the homeless fellow that Paul Ryan did not punch in the face would have liked some candy, but he got the gift of twice-washed dishes instead.) That is all well and good and exactly what you would expect from Paul Ryan. We are more interested in Paul Ryan’s seething wife, Janna, who seems to be an Egg in the making!

Gritted-teeth smile? Check!
Nodding with inappropriate hostility? Yes!
Can’t believe the NERVE of some constituents not making proper obeisance at the man who is her powerful, manly, scholarly, intellectual heft and heart of the GOP husband? Indeedy, that too, also, too.

Janna Ryan may not set any new bars for wifely dickness, but she’s a comer and one to watch! We expect great thing from her in future.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Beetagger

    I'd like some candy.

    • BadKitty904

      Me, too, but not from Paul Ryan.

    • Radiotherapy

      Never take candy from a strange sociopath.

    • Sophist[Kochblocker]


    • hagajim

      I thought you weren't supposed to take candy from horrible people. It might have a razor blade (or jerb cuts) in it.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    He loves labor likes Romney loves women, teachers, and Big Bird.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Oh, so Ryan has a feather encrusted schlong?

    • DemmeFatale

      I love this kid!
      So persitent with his plaintive, no nonsense questions.
      I like how the video captures his sweet cracking voice compared to the Ryan rictus smiles and dickishness.

  • MosesInvests

    I just realized-Ryan looks like an @sshole version of my ex-brother-in-law.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      My ex-brother-in-law is the original version @sshole.

      • MosesInvests

        My ex-b-in-l is actually a good guy. I miss hanging out with him.

    • Chet Kincaid_

      I can totally see that. OOPS!! (Hurriedly closes MosesInvests surveillance file)

  • Indiepalin

    Sorry, but listening to Ryan's wife prostitute herself for her husbands career is like watching Charles Krauthammer handicap the presidential race.

    • Sophist[Kochblocker]

      "…watching Charles Krauthammer handicap the presidential race."

      Pun intended?

      • memzilla

        This is teh Wonket. Puns are always intended.

      • Gleem McShineys

        He's on a roll.

    • Pragmatist2

      Ah, the subtle puns are strong in this one!

    • lulzmonger

      Quick, zip up! Your paronomasia is showing!

  • Ryy

    Ever have Chinese candy? It sucks.

    • CrunchyKnee

      Ummm, I don't know, those scorpions on a stick are "tasty."

    • kyeshinka

      Ginger and eucalyptus, just like Korean candy.

    • hagajim

      Usually comes with extra lead though.

    • Chet Kincaid_

      Sure, Melamin-Pops!®

    • redarmyzombie

      Have you ever had Chinese donuts?

      If you haven't, I should let you know: they aren't actually donuts…

  • BerkeleyBear

    The whole local pols tossing candy in small town parades schtick is something I saw a lot in Springfield. It was especially "funny" when kids would charge out into the street for a couple of pieces and almost wind up getting crushed by the vintage tractors or marching band.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Shriners-driving-miniature-Mustangs libel!

    • Chet Kincaid_

      Do you think Ryan could stifle his laughter if that happened?

  • DerrickWildcat

    I'd take the candy, cuz like, free candy.

    • An_Outhouse

      it probably had razor blades in it.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      There you go, expecting the gummint to give you a hand-out!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      That candy is probably all the flavors that everyone avoids, like watermelon, sour apple, and licorice.

  • freakishlywrong

    Isn't Mrs. Haskell a lobbyist, for fuck's sake? Talk about the "takers", she's a world class succubus.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      I can never forgive Mrs. Haskell for all those things her son Eddie did.

  • OkieDokieDog

    I didn't like her as soon as I heard a local newscaster gleefully report and no doubt peeing a bit in their panties from the excitement: She's a OKIE girl, cousin to (worthless blue dog) Dan Boren, with dogs named Boomer & Sooner!!!!
    That plus she's married to Lyin' Ryan.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    I'm surprised she didn't shoot back an I didn't ask you a question.

  • MissTaken

    I'll vote for anyone who gives me free candy.

    • JustPixelz

      I'll vote for anyone who simply says whatever I want to hear. Like Mitt Romney: "A chicken codon bleu in every pot, a car in every elevator."

    • boskolives

      Heh heh, I got your candy right here, in the back of that van with those blacked out windows…..

  • Sophist[Kochblocker]

    And, you know, the thing about a Republican political wife… she's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living… until she bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'.

    • PsycWench

      Callista Gingrich is the prototype, but we have some strong up-and-comers here.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      We're gonna need a bigger baby stroller.

    • calliecallie

      We're going to need a bigger boat.

    • Not_Mother

      We're gonna need a bigger tent.

    • NellCote71

      And they all look like they are some major anti-depressants. Not that I am judging. I would be loaded to if I were a Republican pol's wife.

  • Ryy

    Uppity poors are so freaking annoying!

    • kittenbomb

      I KNOW! Why don't they just go back to one of their vacation homes and call 911? From the phone in the car elevator, obviously.

  • freakishlywrong

    Paul Ryan has sought fourteenth amendment rights for eggs in the making.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I don't understand why the guy wouldn't take that swell American flag from Ryan.

  • Radiotherapy

    Would you like a voucher?

  • ManchuCandidate

    The ghost of Leona Helmsley nods in approval.

  • PsycWench

    God forbid these woman actually run for the office themselves, if they feel so entitled to it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That kid in his fucking stroller looks to be a couple years older than the new-born Obama we saw the other day. Freeloader. Bet he still nurses and her tits look like a pair of dirty gym socks stapled to her chest.

  • Disassembly

    Jesse Eisenberg is right but he should have taken the candy.

    • freakishlywrong

      Goddamn. That, (your avatar), image still gives me shivers, and not the good kind. Yikes!

    • fuflans

      your avatar needs a spoiler alert.

      • Disassembly


  • Geminisunmars

    Finally a reason to leave the rank(ness) of the undecided voter: I would rather look upon Dr Jill's sweet punim for another 4 years, than even 4 minutes of this clenched puss.

  • gullywompr

    Candy? I guess it's now a six point plan…

  • SexySmurf

    Let them eat Skittles.

    • calliecallie

      They might feel the rainbow then. How about Jujubes? Sounds too ethnic. What about Good N Plenty!

      • mrpuma2u

        Milk duds are definitely out of the question….

    • Trinket

      And iced tea. And then we can shoot them.

    • lulzmonger

      Apres moi, le Ramen.

  • gullywompr

    Ryan and family delivering hurricane relief. Want some candy, little poor?

  • An_Outhouse

    Whiny Man-Girl needs to move to Canada.

  • DerrickWildcat

    I am outraged that 60 million Americans are in extreme immediate DANGER and here he is just having a great old time walking around in a parade!

    • Radiotherapy

      Good Job Brown-Nosey!

  • AddHomonym

    This is how you become a successful politician, by being a master at interacting with people. Look how he won that young man over!

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Would you like some candy?" pretty much sums up the entire Romney/Ryan economic plan.

    • Buckminster

      About as creepy as the whole campaign sounds.

  • JustPixelz

    Paul Ryan is thinking: WWARD? ("What Would Ayn Rand Do?") Then he shrugged the guy off with candy.

  • orygoon

    Shit–John D. Rockefeller at least handed out dimes.

    • Buckminster

      At least those were worth 10 cents when John D. was handing them out.

  • Radiotherapy

    Maybe he could get a job as a dishwasher. That doesn't look to hard. Just watch the callouses on your fingers rom the hot water.

  • Sue4466

    We're just trying to have a little fun here sir. Not sure why you'd think a Labor Day parade is a time to talk about labor. Or why this fine fellow running to be VP should have to provide any specifics on how he'd govern. Romney/Ryan 2012!

  • kyeshinka

    I'm gonna tell all my trick-or-treaters to get a job, commies! You wanna be like the Soviet Union, which we all know is still a threat?

  • beezie687

    Why are they all married to blondes?

    • SorosBot

      Republican women must bleach their hair blond by law, just as they must wear Tammy Faye Baker-esqe clown levels of makeup.

    • EnnuiThereYet?

      So it's not as disconcerting when you swap out the old one for a new model.

      • Chet Kincaid_

        John Derek Libel!!

    • Mumbletypeg

      Yeah I was gonna root [heh] for the exception seen in Mrs. Pawlenty but, uh maybe not so much.

    • hollyrocks209

      Because then there's absolutely no way that someone will mistake them for having an "ethnic" (shudder) background.

    • boskolives

      Egg dyed on the cross for their right to be yellow-heads

  • Sue4466

    Not sure which is worse, that Romney & Ryan repeatedly show such contempt for the poor and middle class or that a significant percentage of the poor and middle class will still vote for these fuckers.

    • lulzmonger

      The latter, by far.

      It'd be pretty hard NOT to eventually feel contempt for folks who let you screw them over time after time … but it takes a very special kind of ugly idiocy to keep bending over again & again for the same tired old scam.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    I'd have asked for pony .

    • not that Dewey

      Doktor Zoom will be here, soon enough.

  • calliecallie

    Thanks to Wonkette, I cannot think of Mrs. Romney as anything but Egg.

    • Isyaignert

      Srsly, I'm in the same boat, but I'm still not sure where the "Egg" name for Ayn Rmoney comes from. Is it because she has so many kids and she used up a bunch of eggs to make them?

  • SorosBot

    I'm surprised Ryan offered the candy; he seems like one of those douches who would give out toothbrushes instead, or possibly Fountainhead paperbacks. And his house could use some toilet paper and eggs.

  • BlueMonkeh

    Any wench unencumbered by enough of a soul to be joined in eternity to such a man does not deserve of our consideration.

    In other words, bitch married this walking, breathing douche canoe so – what was the point?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    HaHa would you like some free smug with that unemployment.

    • Radiotherapy

      A whole, heapin' helpin' of smug.

  • Lazy Media

    As much as the Ryans are awful, awful people, I sympathize with anyone who is accosted by the modern phenomenon of douchenozzles asking "questions" on videotape, in hope of a meltdown/punching by the candidate/celebrity.

    Today, we are all James O'Keefe, and we need to be solidly punched in the face for it.

    • carlgt1

      sure, when James O'Keefe finally gets a beat-down first!

    • Chet Kincaid_

      Except it's the fucking job of candidates and politicians to fucking answer reasonable questions.

      • Isyaignert

        True 'dat – 'cept today's one-size-fits-all answer appears to be "Have a nice day."

  • EnnuiThereYet?

    That reminds me, I need to go buy some candy for the 47% that will be ringing my doorbell this Wednesday.

  • chascates

    Reagan proved deficits don't matter. Dubya proved compassionate conservatism doesn't matter.

  • gullywompr

    Janna's a "comer"? I doubt that very much.

    • Tommy1733

      She would be a comer if she had a real man to sleep with, or one of those lesbians I have heard so much about.

      • gullywompr

        What have you heard? My friend wants to know.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Ryan had nothing to say because his plan is to have this guy take the 1$ an hour job and STFU about it. And Janna appears to have lockjaw. HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!!

  • carlgt1

    why would Repugs participate in a Labor Day parade, when it's obvious they want what this guy said – US workers to "compete" with no-benefit, no-rights workers in China.

  • Callyson

    Isn't "candy" a euphemism for drugs? Because if that fucker got into the White House, I know I'd need some…

  • dennis1943

    She got a congratulatory letter from Anne……..

  • maggiejoan

    Janna reminds me of an angry version of that reverend's wife in True Blood. Only not as hot. And hates everyone.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This would be a lot more effective if that guy did not sound like he was about to cry. Just take your fucking candy, crybaby.

  • Pragmatist2

    She has first rate teeth. Probably why he married her.

    • boskolives

      He did say that they were the nicest teeth he'd ever come across

  • zumpie

    Snark off: Early on Janna Ryan was touted as a "secret weapon" for the R&R campaign because we wiiiiiiimmmmmmiiiiiinnnn!!!! would find her "down to earth and relatable". Yet the only "headline" she grabbed was also early on and consisted of her campaigning in a very fugly clearance dress from Kohl's (with Egg looking fabulously disgusted at being placed near such a commoner). After that, nationally all she did was introduce her husband by video at the RNC, stand behind him (fully and rudely blocked actually) on the tarmac the next day and appear quite gracious and friendly to OHJB after he made her husband his complete and permanent bitch.

    Frankly, I couldn't understand why they didn't use her more, since she SEEMED nicer than Marie-Ann. Now we know, damage control before the fact. One cheap, ugly dress snagged by a staffer does not a nice, approachable lady make.

    • Chet Kincaid_


    • BoroPrimorac

      "and appear quite gracious and friendly to OHJB after he made her husband his complete and permanent bitch."

      What a fucking night that was.

      • zumpie

        Though you know, OHJB only won cause he was drunk/senile/gaffe prone, etc….cause otherwise Eddie would've totally kicked his old man ass!

  • imissopus

    I am totally entertained by Paul Ryan wearing a Packers shirt, as the Packers are the only publicly-owned franchise in major league sports (socializmz!) and of course employ players who all belong to a union. Of course I'm sure that has been pointed out to him.

  • Come here a minute

    I'll watch the video when Paul Ryan’s wife Janna doesn't stop herself from tearing a guy’s throat out with her teeth.

  • TribecaMike

    The kid's an obvious Libertarian plant. No Democrat would ever turn down candy.

  • bfddad

    Did Ryan say, "Would you like a pack your bags schedule?" This is harder than trying to figure out a Beatles record played backwards.

    • Cheburashka64

      "Would you like a Packers magnet schedule?"

      • bfddad

        Well that makes sense. Although if the kid doesn't have a job, what good is it?

  • mavenmaven

    The nerve! Doesn't he know that only right wing Real American patriots are allowed to hassle politicians on video?

  • Not_Mother

    "A dollar an hour? Why YES, as you can see my wife so vigorously nodding her approval of. Son, a dollar an hour is $20 a day! That's $140 a week! Who says my numbers don't add up?"

  • Chet Kincaid_

    I think Janna was pretty clear with that head-nod that he should, in fact, be working for $1 an hour.

  • Chet Kincaid_

    Needs moar Come On-A My House.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I imagine she wears that forced smile when Paul puts his Ayn Rand into her Fountainhead.

    • boskolives

      She gave him Fountainhead?

  • TribecaMike

    Jesse Eisenberg meets Tosh .O?

  • Chet Kincaid_

    Janna will give you fish! She'll give you candy! Just give her back her man, man!!

  • fuflans

    ok, i have to say, i love uncomfortable shit like this.

    especially when it happens – as it usually does – to the good people of the GOP.

  • Tommy1733

    So far, wife-dicks have been fairly influential in the current election cycle.

  • mrblifil

    This comment was deleted by the user because the apocalypse.

  • ChapterUndVerse

    Another photo opp ruined by reality, like "Mission Accomplished," "My Pet Goat," and that washing the dishes like a poorz thing. How can a picture be worth a thousand words if they aren't all lying for Ryan?

  • ttommyunger

    That situation could have been turned into a positive Vid-0p by an intuitive, caring candidate. Lucky for us they only have Ryan and Romney.

  • greencar

    Ryan is not elected yet! What an idiot. OBAMA is the problem, Why is he complaining, whining to Ryan? Another rediculous article by this incompetent Rebecca shoenkopf!

  • mariannemann

    oh, so this is what they were talking about when they said 'free stuff'? some crappy candy?

  • mosjef

    No candy? Well, you can suck my wife's toes if I can videotape it.

  • Hafiz Sajid

    yeah very nice.o far, wife-dicks have been fairly influential in the current election cycle,,Dentist Woodstock Ontario