Thank goodness for the internet! Were it not for this near-instantaneous information-distribution medium, Pastor John McTernan would not be able to get international attention for being among the first wingnut preachers to proclaim that Hurricane Sandy is obviously God’s vengeance on America for some perceived sin. In this particular case, the Almighty is going to cause randomized death and destruction along the East Coast of the US to punish random people for a diplomatic conference attended by George HW Bush in 1991:
Hurricane Sandy is hitting 21 years to the day of the Perfect Storm of October 20, 1991. I write about this in my book as America Has Done to Israel. [sic] This was the day that President George Bush Sr. initiated the Madrid Peace Process to divide the land of Israel, including Jerusalem. America has been under God’s judgment since this event.
But wait! That’s not all! There is MATH!!!! And politics! And Teh Ghey, of course:
Twenty-one years breaks down to 7 x 3, which is a significant number with God. Three is perfection as the Godhead is three in one while seven is perfection.
It appears that God gave America 21 years to repent of interfering with His prophetic plan for Israel; however, it has gotten worse under all the presidents and especially Obama. Obama is 100 percent behind the Muslim Brotherhood which has vowed to destroy Israel and take Jerusalem. Both candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda. America is under political judgment and the church does not know it!
In an earlier blog post, Mc Ternan, apparently unaware that the election will actually take place a week from now, and not tomorrow, said
Hurricane Sandy may flood Washington, DC on election day! It is like the hurricane is a huge bucket of vomit in America’s face during the election. What a sign from the holy God of Israel that American politics is an abomination to Him.
Never mind that the Madrid Peace Conference had few practical effects on Israel’s territory, or that it seems slightly douchey of the Lord of Hosts to kill a bunch of randomly selected residents of a coastal region when He could presumably direct lightning bolts at GHW Bush and the other organizers of the Madrid Conference. Talk about ambiguous messaging!
No, let’s keep in mind the REAL news in this announcement: 21 years is apparently the “Killer Storms” anniversary, or, depending upon your family traditions, the “Huge Bucket of Vomit in the Face” anniversary.
{ 169 comments }
God is slow. Maybe he should ride the short bus.
I'm rooting for Jeebus to take out the Hamptons and Greenwich with a vengeance.
Fire Island was evacuated, does that count?
I would be happier if he left the North Fork un-destroyed.
Trump's casino would be a great starting point…
I've got a bud out in Wainscott, hope he gets through it ok and maybe can get in a little looting afterwards.
If he's white, it's foraging. Looting is what the blahs do.
God can be a real prick sometimes.
Three is perfection as the Godhead is three in one while seven is perfection.
Well, this blithering rant is 21 kinds of stupid, so, yes.
So who's stacking the deck?
I dunno, God gave us 4/20 also too…
Don't forget "one is the loneliest number".
Wrong. It's God's wrath for listening to obscure wingnut preachers.
Wingnut preachers are God's wrath.
Fuck you, God.
Can Jewish people be gay?
Ask Barney Frank.
Yes, but only wholesale.
"HurriCane dealt the blow that laid your brother low." – Preacher grifter Robert Mitchum
"Obama is 100 percent behind the Muslim Brotherhood which has vowed to destroy Israel and take Jerusalem"
Huh; how did I miss that part of the platform?
No, President Obama didn't say it, WHICH PROVES HE'S GOING TO DO IT!!!!911!
Also, the call is coming from inside the HOUSE!!!!
SB:
Preacher McTernan's platform is missing a few planks.
I predict the intersection of Christen Fundamentalism and Numerology will be the next big thing. Well I’m off to reserve some domain names and scout for land for my mega-church.
the intersection of Christen Fundamentalism and Numerology
This freakish Frankentheology will destroy us all!
I predict a big pile-up at the intersection.
Wait, doesn't the Bible already contain a Book of Numbers? The mash-up is already there.
Let it go – he's on a roll.
Of course, "Hurricane Sandy" is also the stage name of Pastor McTernan's favorite tranny stripper.
What? Pat Robertson hasn't prayed Sandy away, yet?
“Huge Bucket of Vomit in the Face”
Worst. Thanksgiving. Ever.
Or, maybe just waking up Sunday morning on the set of the next Jackass movie?
Of all the things I want in my face, that's at the bottom of the list.
To be fair, George H. W. Bush knows a lot about vomiting in someone's face.
Hai! Bushururu!
More likely god's wrath for global warming.
Preach it, brother.
Lindsay Lohan has weighed in via twitter:
"WHY is everyone in SUCH a panic about hurricane (i'm calling it Sally)..?"
"Stop projecting negativity! Think positive and pray for peace"
Your move, Pat Robertson.
He's going to call the next disaster a Bucket of Rotten Hotwings.
Rotten Hotwings. IN. YOUR. FACE.
That shit burns! Now, whatchu got?
“Huge Bucket of Vomit in the Face” 21st Anniversary.
Was there in Cleveland when they released their first album.
I loved their single 'Sloppy Seconds".
I can't forget "This meal's on you!".
I refuse to pay $175 on ebay for the "Wafer-Thin Mint" EP, no matter how rare it is.
Isn't everything the wrath of god?
The Big Guy has Anger Management issues.
Well! Lemme run right out there in the blustery weather and scrape off my lefty bumper stickers to replace with Rmoney Banner Decals — for THIS guy!!
BOTH candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda.
See? It won't do any good to vote R this time!
Then I can be confused by his message on all kinds of levels — my favorite confusion-state of all!
Someone needs to let the Almighty in on the fact Bush doesn't live in Connecticut anymore.
"God’s vengeance on America for some perceived sin."
I perceive this sin to be the continual unchecked spewing of billions of tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.
Both candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda.
In the increasingly competitive race to say the most idiotic thing possible about this election season, we have a winner!
How far behind are each of the candidates?
Losers. We did the huge bucket of vomit in the face at our wedding party….
You shoulda checked the date on that butter-cream icing.
Never thought I'd see the day when
something was retribution for something
a Republican did.
And 7 x 3? I'm sure you've had bigger, preacher
man.
First thing I thought of was Cassette x Chainring gearing combo. Hey, that's what I have on my mountain bike! Perfection!
[/bike nerd]
I was talking to God just this morning and It told me to get laid more often. Hurricane Sandy didn't even come up in conversation. We always talk about laying, though.
Seriously, pastor, STFU.
It is like the hurricane is a huge bucket of vomit in America’s face during the election.
What, they don't have any Pepto-Bismol in Heaven?
Ya know, some day I'd like to see a copy of this "homosexual agenda." It was apparently left out of my orientation packet.
In the meantime, Obscure Wingnut Preacher needs to spend more time meditating on the commandments found in the Book of STFU…
There are apparently entire sections of this agenda that I've never heard a gay person mention. Was there no committee consensus?
I certainly don't recall being polled. So to speak.
It wasn't so much a committee meeting as it was an awesome orgy.
You didn't get a copy? Well, you know what *that* means….
/ onimous thunder and lightening /
The Protocols Of The Elders Of Fabulous
"orientation packet" — ISWYDT
Don't worry, this preacher will fill you in. Get it? "Fill you in"?
God will hold a 21 year grudge against a country that sat back while Israel lost territory because of a treaty, but still hasn't just wiped out the Palestinians, or punished Germany for the Holocaust? Is the vengeance of the almighty going in reverse alphabetical order, or from least to greatest? Because this makes no sense.
Neither does an omnipotent, omniscient God speaking through this back-woods goober…
Most importantly, how is Hurricane Sandy affecting Sarah Palin?
Lamestream media CONSPIRACY!!!
She's shuckin' and jivin' over it right now.
I have no doubt she feels victimized by it. And us. And everything else.
She's diving the meaning of it all from moose droppings.
This storm is obviously evidence of God's wrath against Citizen's United for providing the funding to support the incessant God-awful campaign ads interfering with his favorite CW shows. It's so clear, why can't people see it?
I hate playing blackjack with Jesus. He always stands on 12, something about apostles. So annoying.
Isn't a Godhead one of those things on Easter Island?
Angkor Wat, actually.
No, he's on Angkor Second Base.
They speak English in Wat?
I don't know…
THIRD BASE!
Godhead is a hurricane blow job.
"Obscure Wingnut Preacher"
Not, apparently, obscure enough.
God speaks in mysterious ways. Also in ways of an 10th grade algebra and American history quiz.
Can someone please help me understand how October 20, 1991 > October 23 2012 equals EXACTLY 21 YEARS (ALAN!)?
Really. I was all like, whoa, it hit last Saturday?
Leap years are the work of Satan so God doesn't do them!
Plus daylight savings time! Get a map!
For a certain value of "exactly".
Numerology!!
"Huge Bucket of Vomit in America's Face" is the title of the lost Spinal Tap Album, recorded between "Smell the Glove" and "Shark Sandwich"
It is a tribute record to the vomit-drowning of their second drummer, "Stumpy Joe".
"It was someone else's vomit"
Thought Stumpy Joe was Def Leppard's drummer.
One of my favorites. I always listen with the volume set at 11.
Two-word review: Shit sandwich.
This guy probably has "HATE" tattooed across both his fists.
Either that or DIE BART DIE.
The Bart the?
No one who speaks German would do anything wrong!
Spelled "HAET", of course
My Republican family members were so mad at me for pointing out that two Republican national conventions in a row were hit by God's hurricanes.
Obviously, those particular hurricanes were Satan's hurricanes.
Does this guy have a sideline as Time Cube Guy?
Pshaw – this is only about 0.12 timecubes on the crazy scale.
This is all basically God's response-song to "It's Raining Men" hitting the top 10 in 1982.
Finally! Ahh, that feels good…I've been waiting for the 'Hurricane=Wrath of God' nonsense.
21 is a magic number because Jeebus finally gets to drink all that wine he made out of water.
"behind the homosexual agenda"
Somedays even I am suprised at the low bar I have for stuff that makes me giggle.
How about "straddling the homosexual agenda"?
I prefer "ramming home the homosexual agenda."
Isn't God-vomit gonna be like manna or something else real tasty? I never thought of God having a normal digestive tract like us. What the fuck does he eat?
It's the Jaeger.
Unicorns and Thylacenes. He's such an anti-environmentalist asshole.
Better than a huge bucket of diarrhea, at least.
THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS BUCKETS
So god apparently sent Sandy to punish the US over Israel and the gays; but what did the Caribbean countries where dozens of people have already been killed do to piss him off?
Oh, they signed treaties with the devil, don't you remember? http://wonkette.com/413169/pat-robertson-was-righ…
Damnit.
They don't count, silly– they're Browns.
They are non-white Not Americans. Jesus hates those kinds.
Pat Robertson already explained about the Haitian Darkies and the Pact With The Devil. http://wonkette.com/413162/pat-robertson-does-usu…
Sandy turns out to be the numbers 19, 1, 14 and 24.. Bam! think that pretty much says it all.
Oh shit. That's my phone number!
and as everybody knows, BigSkullf*ckingDog is just an anagram for "Glib Duck Flogs King", to there is that.
Glib D*ck Flogs King.
Had to see this coming, huh? I'm sure he won't be the last, though.
OT: stay safe you Wonketteers in the hurricane's path, please.
Where's Lt. Dan when you need him?
"October 20, 1991. …President George Bush Sr. initiated the Madrid Peace Process to divide the land of Israel, including Jerusalem. America has been under God’s judgment since this event."
So all the peace and prosperity back under Clinton; that was just God lulling us into a sense of false security? Tricky bastard…
That's Slick Willie for ya.
Stupid storm! Thanks to Sandy, my daughter's fourth grade class field trip to the Abortionplex has been cancelled :(. On the plus side, the Gay Bar is opening early so the kids will have some where to hang after school.
"Wrath of God" is a pretty good flick, although I thought when the Organians imposed a peace treaty on everyone, it was an odd departure from the usual Mitchum picture.
I looked at the poster and thought, hmmmmm, Mitchum AND Frank Langella? I don;t even care how silly the actual movie might be, I would totally watch it for them!
If you haven't already seen it, don't miss Mitchum's other violent fake-preacher movie, Night of the Hunter. One of the scariest movies I've ever seen. And kinda weird. And even funny.
No kidding. I've got to find that on NetFlix. At the very least it's going to be some high quality cheese.
There's also that awesome early 60's pot boiler, "Home from the Hill". With Mitchum as a patriach who fathered George Hamilton with his wife, and Hamilton's cabin dwelling BFF, George Peppard, with someone else!
For the other side, Pamela Tifflin's in the picture, too.
"The storm is projected to come right over my house, so it might curtail the prayer meeting if the power is knocked out."
You'd think he might consider whether the Lord was trying to tell him something.
He can't pray if the power's out? Pastor UR doing it wrong!
October 20 is also the anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase in 1803, which left our american God seething at the US being taken to the cleaners by FRANCE!!
"Hurricane" is also one of my favorite Dylan songs.
What about all the Christianists in the path of this storm, Pastor? I guess he thinks they're expendable. God's will and all that.
No True Christian will suffer harm, you can be sure.
I was wondering whose fault it was this time.
We've come a long way intellectually since George Antrobus invented the wheel.
I CANT WAIT UNTIL HURRICANE SALLY BECOMES OBAMARS WATERGATE.
God has a really bad sense of timing.
Not to mention a sick sense of humour.
And he's been carrying around a bucket of holy puke for 21 years. GROSS, GOD
Tax. His. Ass.
And all this time I thought this storm was cooked up by Obama and his weather machine (the one they used to disrupt the GOP convention) to distract attention from the polls.
Needs more "punishment because Halloween"
So, after this, we're square with God, right?
Hey, fuck you Pastor John McTernan. If you had your shit together you would have been raptured in May of 2011 like the rest of the Godly. Since you're still here it's obvious that you're just another sinner doomed to burn with the rest of us.
John McTernan brings Die Hard with the Lord.
Dog bites man, Dr Z. When a hurricane is not blamed on the gays, that will be news.
And the 8,000 who died in the Galveston hurricane of 1900? All gay.
I am sure there is a more reasonable explanation for all of this, but right how I can't think of it.
Well, I'm still expecting a close election, but an Obama win. Will the Lord God of Hosts be disappointed? These weird hick preachers always make me think they were invented by Flannery O'Connor.
Twenty-one years breaks down to 7 x 3, which is a significant number with God. Three is perfection as the Godhead is three in one while seven is perfection.
therefore*yakety sax*It appears that God gave America 21 years to repent of interfering with His prophetic plan for Israel
God. He's just a damn fickle bastard.
But he's got an awesome collection of vintage vomit.
I'm certain if we looked into it we'd find some things more recent that God would be pissed about.
7 x 3 equals 1 carry the 2 plus naught is 21.
Do I win anything in God's Math Casino?
Just like clockwork………
I thought it was God's wrath for putting Romney on the November ballot.
21 = 7 x 3. This man can factor, so right there! 7 and 3 are very nice numbers, of course, but they are not perfect numbers.
It seems to me that 7 is obviously perfection times 2, plus 1.
Please, tell me more. No, wait; let me get a pencil and paper…..now, please, continue…
Wonkette's making this shit up for giggles.
The wingnut preacher is part right., but HAARP and the Bush criminal cabal is not God. Their boss is the queen lizard of England and the Rothschild bank.
I don't care.
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