amercia by the dashboard lights

Mitt Romney Finds Man Who Can Sing ‘America The Beautiful’ Worse Than He Can


And (no surprise), it’s alleged vote frauder Meat Loaf! Let us relive the glory days of Ol’ Miffed Romney’s beauteous version for Olds, after the jump.

Well, that was terrible. You’re welcome.

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245 comments

  1. boobookitteh

    It's sad to think that no one would even think about voting for this guy if he were on American Idol. He's tone deaf to compassion and thoughtfulness as he is music.

    1. DustyBowlBlues

      Hell, no. God only sheds grace on a fertilized egg to zygote to fetus. Once it's an actual baby? Bootstraps, kid. And as to your mother: tell that bitch that if she doesn't want another rape baby, she shouldn't wear slutty clothes.

      1. tessiee

        Especially since if one of the other party had yelled, it would have been seen as evidence that they were a kickass guy who stands up to terra, or some such shit.

  2. predilectrix

    Haydn and Prince Esterhazy. Mozart and Emperor Joseph II. Thus arise sweet airs when a musical prodigy and an enlightened despot collide.

  3. BarackMyWorld

    Remember when Frank N. Furter killed him with an axe at the end of his song in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"? Good times.

          1. Redgyal

            But didn't George Clinton tell us to turn the White House black? And to make this one nation under a groove???

    1. shelwood46

      According to Meat Loaf, noted political expert, you must choose Mitt because he knows, unlike that dummy Obama, that the Cold War isn't over, dangnumbit. Not over! Also, Meat Loaf is still in Billboard Top Ten. And he's going to show up to vote on the wrong… year.

        1. Negropolis

          Yeah, as if "cool" impresses them. They put up Daddy Bush, Shrub, Bob Dole and John McCain, for goodness sake.

          1. Redgyal

            Uh, that was supposed to be a joke about the use of the ever so trendy term "dude" to refer to a grown man. Sorry, snark fail.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      They're very, very rich and I'd bet my life they cheat on their taxes to the fullest extent of their accountants' abilities. Meatloaf, Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Trace Adkins, Johnny Van Zandt probably also have accounts in the Cayman Islands.

    1. Crank_Tango

      Now more than ever.

      You'd think these old hasbeens would just be content to leave their careers be, and not get rid of half of their remaining fans by going full retard, but what do I know.

  4. swordfis

    Are you sure he was singing? It looks and sounds like a cerebral accident.

    The meat in Meat Loaf is obviously pork, since he was squealing like a castrated pig.

    1. NellCote71

      I remember the very first time I saw Meatloaf on TV before I knew who he was. I just thought it was awfully nice of those TV people to give the, er, mentally challenged an opportunity.

    2. Crank_Tango

      Paralyzed by the dashboard lights?

      I have been dying to work that into a pun somehow, because for the life of me I can't think of any other meatloaf hits…

  5. SoBeach

    Holy mother of God. Mittens looks like he's about to shove his fist down Meatloaf's throat and rip out his larynx. Too bad he didn't. It would have meant a ten point bump in the polls.

    1. gurukalehuru

      Who? Who? Meatloaf, that's fucking who. O.K., he has fallen, he has gotten old, he sucks now, but nobody in the entire history of Rock and Roll and all other music combined has ever rocked harder than Meatloaf rocked in his prime.

      This is tragedy, not comedy.

    1. fuflans

      hoo boy i needed that.

      i am making calls to iowa and (even though i'm using my best sweet blond girl voice when praising bamz), farmer's keep hanging up on me.

      1. mille derps

        You are so awesome!

        Those farmers must be a little tired of political calls, but if you 'get through' to even one or two voters, that may have a ripple effect.

  6. Callyson

    Jesus Christ, I made the mistake of listening to that and now my dogs won't stop barking. I better get them a treat to make up for this crap…

      1. Callyson

        I don't know–they aren't talking to me right now, despite getting a treat. Can't say I blame them. Maybe if I get that video of Obama singing “Let's Stay Together” they'll forgive me, BBL…

    1. BadKitty904

      Hmmm. Now, that you mention it, I've never seen the two of them in the same room, at the same time…

    1. HarryButtle

      But the conservatards get all butt-hurt when Lena Dunham makes a cute little double entendre about voting for the first time, right?

      1. JustPixelz

        Because Ms Dunham was alluding to a young woman making a choice about her sex life. Repubicans HATE HATE HATE that women have sex without prior government authorization.

      1. CthuNHu

        He was great. Played about seven songs, all the ones you'd expect, "Fire and Rain," Gone to Carolina, You've Got a Friend, Shower the People, etc., etc. Wife with him, singing on most songs (and apparently kids, pre-teenish, non-singing). Then Bamz! Who thoroughly kicked ass before a crowd of 8500 far-more-diverse-than-you'd-expect-in-NH-from-all-the-Romney-crowd-pics people on a beautiful 70-ish sunny fall New Hampshire day, 48 hours before we get buried beneath 36 inches of rain and snow and last-minute SuperPAC hate and hope flyers.

        Yeah, life is good. But Winter Is Coming.

  7. SexySmurf

    Mitt Romney will do anything for votes…but he won't do that.

    I'm kidding; there's nothing Mittens won't do for votes.

    1. BoroPrimorac

      Remember when the baggers were all cock sure that they'd beat Barry solely on the issues, because silent majority and they're ideas are exactly what the founding fathers would've come up with?

    1. shelwood46

      I'm pretty sure the only time people hear Meatloaf songs these days are when drunk guys put it in the jukebox, usually by mistake.

  8. sbj1964

    America the Beutiful is not Mittens song,but you should hear him belt out Elton Johns 'The bitch is back'.Brought a tear to me eye.

  9. coolhandnuke

    My nine-year-old son loves to play the Mitt Romney "Where's Waldo" game. Every time Mitt draws a crowd, my boy tries to find the one non-whitey in the crowd.
    This one has him stumped.

      1. RomneysLogCabin

        Mitt's coy contempt for ordinary white Americans is appalling–I'd hate to see what he would have in store for minorities as the President.

  10. HarryButtle

    Well now I'm prayin' for the end of time
    To hurry up and arrive
    Cause if I've got to spend another minute with Mitt
    I don't think that I can really survive

      1. HarryButtle

        And hunky Paul Ryan is Rocky! Krauthammer gets to be Dr Scott by default, with Pegs Noonington and KJ Lopez as Magenta and Columbia.

        OK, even I can't stomach that last part.

      1. doloras

        "We are about to beam the White House back to the planet of Kobol in the galaxy of Whitepeopleonly."

  11. Schmannnity

    In light of his flip flops and the lack of accountability for them, Mitt should sing Nessun Dorma.

  12. Doktor Zoom

    Wait, so Mr. Loaf may be trying to vote fraudulently? This means that something MUST be done: Better find some old black ladies who can be prevented from voting.

    1. tessiee

      Yes; he is supposed to be having a seizure and collapsing, therefore rendering him unable to sing.

    1. GemlikeFlame

      Actually, Meat has undergone quite a bit of physical and emotional trauma, which is the only way I can explain this. Doesn't excuse the unrepentant Republican polishing he's doing, though.

  13. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I guess Mitt figures if he surrounds himself with horrible people he will seem less horrible by comparison.

  14. tessiee

    OK, the fellow in the blue jacket (no idea who he is) is more than a bit of a drama queen, but he does have a fairly decent voice, and can at least carry the tune, although he does sound a bit pinky-up-the-ass when he's straining for the high notes.
    But Meatloaf? That can only be deliberate self-parody, right?
    On the plus side, we do get to see Mitt looking cringingly uncomfortable (more so than usual).

    1. HarryButtle

      Who are ANY of the others? What's with the guy in the top hat? And isn't that one guy kinda, um, brownish?

  15. snowpointsecret

    OT: Obama's ground game, at least here in Dayton, Ohio, is clearly ahead of Romney's. Not only do I actually see Obama people around and doing things, but they actually called me and asked if I wanted to volunteer. They said they'd call back and tell me things that need to be done. I'm just kind of confused on how they got my name, considering I'm not a registered Democrat and this is the first general election I've been old enough to vote in…

    I'm saying no if it has anything to do with me going to West Dayton though, that area just plain scares me considering it typically leads the news with "shooting in West Dayton". We shall see.

    1. RedStatePinko

      If the OFA folks in OH are anything like they are in NH, you'll have plenty of choices. I *sniff* love those guys. Sorry I have to head home to my tragically red state (home of John Rich, to sort of steer this back on topic).

  16. Dudleydidwrong

    I get a kick out of all these bullshit Republicans warbling the words to "America the Beautiful." Wonder if they know anything about the woman who wrote those words? Katharine Lee Bates was a prof at Wellesley College and most likely was a lesbian who was committed to one life-long relationship.

    Bates' originally had these lines as part of the third stanza:

    America! America!
    God shed his grace on thee
    Till selfish gain no longer stain
    The banner of the free!

    Marian Anderson, a blah woman, sang it on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial when the upstanding, patriotic racist women of the DAR refused to let her rent their Constitution Hall for a concert.

    Sing away, you skangy bastards. And crown thy hypocrisy with a shit sandwich.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      History is as meaningless as facts to today's Republicans. I notice they do know enough not to sing This Land Is Your Land, but probably because they think Pete Seeger wrote it.

  17. sbj1964

    Mittens has the voice of an ANGEL ! OK, it's the Angel of Death,but he likes to stick with his Bane theme,as Charon the Boatman who shuttles companies across the waters to the land of the dead.China.

    1. mille derps

      He briefly joined the Heck's Angels when he was in college. They liked to heckle the anti-war protestors and 'offer' free haircuts to the hippies…

  18. JustPixelz

    Mitt outsourced his singing with as much success as he outsourced his foreign policy.

    Meatloaf thinks Mitt will appoint him Secretary of Rockin' Out. So sad.

    Mitt is already rolling back noise pollution regulations. Now I have to gouge my ears out.

    1. M. Bouffant

      No, because he is so out of touch w/ even his people (CRACKERS!!) he has no idea who is & isn't a real celeb these days.

      He probably has an Osmond Bros. reunion planned for next wknd.'s big GOTV rallies.

    2. bibliotequetress

      Has anyone yet explained to Mitt that Trump, Clint and Meatloaf are celebrities? I don't know if that information is in his database.

  19. JustPixelz

    On the bright side, Romney in the White House a few years and America won't be beautiful anymore. So no more song for Meatloaf to ruin.

    Spacious skies = coal darkened skies
    Amber waves of grain = Emerald waves of subsidized corn
    Purple mountains = Permanent Winter Olympics
    Fruited plains = Heterosexuals-only plains.
    Crown thy good with brotherhood = every man for himself

  20. Native_of_SL_UT

    I am a big fan of Wonkette, but it's posts like this that lead me to believe that the people who run this site secretly hate us and are trying to get us to drink ourselves to death.

    1. tessiee

      Fortunately for those of us who enjoy schaedenfreude-based humor, nothing impacts Mitt's self-esteem.

  21. JustPixelz

    Let's imagine what would happen if Obama had laughed while someone sang "America The Beautiful" like that at his rally…

    "This is yet more evidence of Obama's disdain for America, her history and her sacred values." — AOTK.

  22. smitallica

    So Obama has Springsteen, Tom Hanks, and Morgan Freeman. And Romney gets Meat Loaf, Dave Mustaine, and half of Big & Rich.

  23. doloras

    Remember how this guy got his name. At a drunken teenage party, he lay down in the parking lot and let someone drive the front wheel of a truck over his head. The reaction: "Wow, dude, you must have brains of meatloaf". True story.

  24. fuflans

    OT but mr fuflans' first call for barry today got a convicted felon (for assaulting a cop).

    mr fuflans reminded him that he can still volunteer to intimidate romney supporters at the polling place of his choice.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Way to go. Keep plugging. I sort of wish that my plans to actually be in Ohio worked out cause East Coast of NJ, BarneyFrankenstorm and like not getting any time off from work. Still I made about 60 phone calls to an area code near Columbus from the OFA list.

  25. James Michael Curley

    Meat Loaf goes with Romney, but the heart and soul of his Bat Out of Hell album comes from Max and Roy of the E Street Band with Little Stevie being the glue that got the album recorded and Springsteen goes with Obama. Maybe this is why Meat Loaf looked in pain, left out in the rain again.

  26. Monsieur_Grumpe

    That does it. I'm burning all of my Meatloaf recordings. Wait, that's right, I don't have any.

  27. a_pink_poodle

    Meat Loaf was the anthem to my youth. I'm crushed to see him like this. :(

    … but it was long ago and it was far away, oh God it seems so very far. And if life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car.

    And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are, objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are…

  28. ProgressiveInga

    She still brings the funny: From @ElayneBoosler:
    "Meat Loaf Endorses Romney At Ohio Rally." Can Chopped Liver be far behind?

  29. tessiee

    The folks who posted the secret Linda McCartney tape must be healous jealous that they've finally been topped.

  30. cousinitt

    Even NY police officer Gil ("female, it's what's for dinner") Valle was heard to comment, "Meatloaf again?"

  31. M. Bouffant

    I'm now in favor of a Romney presidency. It'll lead to a counter-cultural revival; beatniks will come back, as will real (stupid) rock & roll. Which will be better than those effing hipsters, American Id-hole, &c.

  32. ffredpalakon

    "The highly successful Romney event was topped by a moment of musical genius by a top wattage star singing at the top of his game," said nobody, and Jennifer Rubin.

  33. tessiee

    Meatloaf's real first name is Leslie.
    Wolf Blitzer's real first name is Leslie.
    Coincidence?
    I THINK NOT!!

  34. not that Dewey

    "…you Mr. Trump recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership and so ultimately you didn’t blame Lil’ Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey, and these are the decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir."

    -President Obama, WHCD 2011

  35. lulzmonger

    I can see a pair of dicks by the dashboard lights!

    This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Red Pony Tours,

    PROTIP: Compact machines that have recording capabilities are ubiquitous. If you are an over-the-hill yelper who just chumped it hard in front of a huge crowd with smartphones, pulling the video AFTER it goes viral may not be the cunning plan for you. In fact, weeks or even months later, after your inevitable humiliating loss of a Fair Use lawsuit, you yourself risk making your EPIC FAIL go viral all over again.

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