rape of the baking women

Devilish NYPD ‘Cannibal Cop’ Planned To Cook Women Alive, Was Less Creepy On Rape Than Entire GOP

New York's finestNew York police officer Gil Valle had some devilish plans for roughly 100 women that were not very nice. He was going to kidnap them, tie them to some sort of cooking implement, and then roast them slowly, keeping them alive for his hellish torture as long as possible. But raping them? Nah mang. Rape isn’t his bag. This means, of course, that a man who planned to kidnap, torture, cook and eat women is less creepy on women’s autonomy than the entirety of the GOP.

According to the criminal complaint, Valle discussed his plans with at least one co-conspirator via email. He allegedly wrote,“I was thinking of tying her body onto some kind of apparatus… cook her over a low heat, keep her alive as long as possible,” in one email. In an email to another person, he negotiated the terms of the torture: “But I will really get off on knocking her out, tying up her hands and bare feet and gagging her,” Valle allegedly wrote. “I think I would rather not get involved in the rape. You paid for her. She is all yours and I don’t want to be tempted the next time I abduct a girl.”

A man who wants to kidnap, knock out, tie a woman over a low flame and then eat her alive … but has no interest in sticking foreign objects in her vagina. Or any interest in her vagina at all, really. Like, it’s cool, she can do with her vagina what she wants; he’s not gonna force himself all up in there, he’s cool.

Sorry “suspended” officer Valle, but you’d never make it in today’s GOP.

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[Salon / Gothamist / CBS]

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221 comments

      1. Buzz Feedback

        I wasn't thinking about the cop. I was thinking about the post in general. Kind of a bridge too far.

    1. actor212

      Ohplease! The guy was getting a head start on Hurricane Sandy and how the food's run out in the city already! Leave this cop alone! He was being entrepreneurial! I know I've already nommed a few limbs. I'm getting peckish.

        1. BadKitty904

          Aw, don't mind me. This kinda thing just upsets me, is all. :0/

          It makes me think of the little girl in that "Aliens" movie:

          "My mommy always said there were no monsters – no real ones – but there are."

          1. Fare la Volpe

            Favorite film – watched it just last night. But…how did you know? You aren't…in my house…are you?

            Quick, where's my right hand right now?

          2. BadKitty904

            AY-firmative!

            lol U freek! Truly, tho, that's one great flick – in some ways superior to the first 'un. And, being kinda a runt myself, I've always IDed with Newt… :0)

          3. Mumbletypeg

            I was gonna say,.. I ended up watching "Aliens" in the theater as a teen prior to ever seeing the first one, because I'd been too young at its release. I appreciate both now but for different reasons, obvs as they had 2 separate directors — but each is powerful in its own way and they both hold up over repeat viewings!

    1. elviouslyqueer

      "My intent was not to piss anyone off, but to do my due diligence by suggesting that I wanted to cook these women low and slow… and some people got offended."

    1. Negropolis

      I don't know. Anybody can get baked. You just have to want to and rid yourselves of the social qualms around it.

  1. Come here a minute

    Officer Valle also wrote, "If anyone orders Chianti, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Chianti!"

    1. TribecaMike

      Speaking of which, I think I've traced the origin of Mitt's binders to Joseph Smith's associate/patsy Martin Harris, who in 1859 claimed that the golden plates "… were put together on the back by three silver rings, so that they would open like a book."

  2. mavenmaven

    The scary part was these were women that he knew, according to the NYT. I bet he was a believer in small government.

  3. OneYieldRegular

    I didn't see in your post whether this guy was running for Senate or not. Probably just a journalistic slip-up?

    1. RomneysLogCabin

      I almost wish this guy was black so we could hear the Neo-Cons turn the story into: "Barack Obama wants to sex your daughters and eat them" …because black is black.

    1. WhatTheHolyHeck

      Looks like those women aren't going to be the only ones

      ::sunglasses::

      with their feet held over the fire.

  4. Mittens Howell, III

    I'm sure the Republican congress would vote for a resolution declaring women as a vegetable in school cafeterias.

  5. asterixaverni

    The original reports on Wednesday included rape – he would kidnap, rape, then cook his victims. The over 100 women he had on his list? Came from the national criime database that he had access to as a police officer.

    I guess OKCupid just wasn't cutting for him.

    1. imissopus

      "Oh good heavens, of course I'm not in favor of slow-roasting women alive over an open flame and then preparing delicious steaks from their flesh to serve at a Police League barbecue. But this does show how the president has failed to provide leadership to the country."

  6. Antispandex

    You know I have been asked to do this sort of thing to the wife, often. Not the cooking part, but, well, you know, the eating alive. I was almost sure she didn't mean this, but we're not republicans so….

  7. miss_grundy

    I guess the NYPD is so hard up for people to go through the academy that they are not doing any psychological testing. Do you think they might start doing that after this little bit of publicity?? No? I didn't think so either.

  8. pdiddycornchips

    I knew the NYPD was full of psychopaths but at least they draw the line at kidnapping, killing and eating people.

  9. Mumbletypeg

    The above image is producing an unpleasant reminder for me of that scene in Silence of the Lambs wherein the West Virginia speaking accent is forcibly raped by Jodie Foster.

    1. kittensdontlie

      There is a pressing legal question here: The accent was issued forth from her mouth, which was unable to shut the whole thing down, making it illegitimate??

  10. Detesticle

    I don't know how y'all women deal with all peril, peril, peril everywhere. Rape. Republicans who support rape. Women-cookers. Real Housewives. Breast cancer. Cervical cancer. High heels. Low pay. Today, on the other hand, I will be playing Xbox 360 in my Marky Marks without a care in the world until it's time to go to some wedding where I will pour on the Xbox charmmmm.

  11. snowpointsecret

    It's sad when just having "NYPD" on there lowers the shock factor of the story by about 90%.

    1. DemmeFatale

      Didn't lower it for me.
      This is totally shocking.

      I think we are all completely fed up with the devaluing of women.
      (This little episode seems to be causing a sense of humor failure.)

      1. widestanceromance

        Granted, but at your own risk, sir. I don't make comments on Wonkette to be held responsible for them.

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    Another broken, defective one. Scary thing is, he didn't actually get to the point where he did anything, so he'll probably get off with a couple of years for 'conspiracy to eat a woman' or something. Meanwhile, the black kid he busted with a dime bag of crack last year is doing 10 to 20.

  13. TribecaMike

    How can a NY cop afford an apartment that can hold one hundred captive women? Starting salary at the NYPD is $34,970 a year.

    1. Negropolis

      Well, he's white(ish), and by that I mean a fair-skinned hispanic looking at the profile at Gothamist. But, since his grasp of Spanish he lists as "poor", he should fit right in with them. Bueno!

  14. BlueStateLibel

    There's a school of thought that the real sociopaths are among the most respected citizens…the police officer, the minister, the U.S. Senator, the bank president, the CEO…this school of thought is right.

  15. Biff

    I detected a flaw in his culinary plan. How will he be able to stuff the birds and keep them alive at the same time?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, I notice that the blush is off the rose and the excitement phase is over, haven't seen many late night or weekend posts from our Snark Mistress lately. Don't know what we will do after Dok Zoom gets done diagramming that crazy Christian history book.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        You'll be delighted to know that I have a big ol' pile of OTHER Christianist textbooks!

        OK, perhaps "delighted" is the wrong word.

    2. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      There is a Wishconshin Senate debate tonight. Mayhaps there will be livebloog? 8pm Central.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, I've eaten a few women in my time, but no digestion ever took place, and they really seemed to enjoy it.

  17. owhatever

    Romney is not commenting on this story because forcible rape is not involved. Had it been, he would not comment on it. Then he would change his position, and insist that he stands by his earlier non-comment.

  18. Goonemeritus

    This is the logical conclusion of the liberal obsession with sourcing all food locally. Other than Pigeons and rats what’s a carnivore to eat that is free range and locally sourced in NYC?

  19. ElPinche

    I've eaten some breakfast tacos (Thai-Mexican style) over in East Austin that I were so good they we're almost fuckable ….but consensual !!

  20. Negropolis

    This brings to mind the totally dark and inappropriate humor of the late and great Mitch Hedgeberg, who said:

    "Battered women…sounds delicious."

    Okay, I need a shower, but one I feel will not wash the stench of hell from my skin.

    1. Designer_Rants

      LOL. I saw him live once. He wasn't very funny though – prolly too drunk and/or high. But his opener, Al Madrigal (now on Daily Show), nearly made me shit myself with votes, er laughter. That guy is a comedic genius.

      1. Negropolis

        I only ever saw him on television, but few people ever made me laugh harder than him. He has a very distinct style, and may not have been everyone's cup of tea, but I got him.

  21. docterry6973

    Some kind of apparatus? He should study his religious history. Right christians have cooked lots of wrong christians. Must be diagrams somewhere. Check the papal library.

Comments are closed.