RAPE OF THE BAKING WOMEN  2:41 pm October 26, 2012

Devilish NYPD ‘Cannibal Cop’ Planned To Cook Women Alive, Was Less Creepy On Rape Than Entire GOP

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

New York's finestNew York police officer Gil Valle had some devilish plans for roughly 100 women that were not very nice. He was going to kidnap them, tie them to some sort of cooking implement, and then roast them slowly, keeping them alive for his hellish torture as long as possible. But raping them? Nah mang. Rape isn’t his bag. This means, of course, that a man who planned to kidnap, torture, cook and eat women is less creepy on women’s autonomy than the entirety of the GOP.

According to the criminal complaint, Valle discussed his plans with at least one co-conspirator via email. He allegedly wrote,“I was thinking of tying her body onto some kind of apparatus… cook her over a low heat, keep her alive as long as possible,” in one email. In an email to another person, he negotiated the terms of the torture: “But I will really get off on knocking her out, tying up her hands and bare feet and gagging her,” Valle allegedly wrote. “I think I would rather not get involved in the rape. You paid for her. She is all yours and I don’t want to be tempted the next time I abduct a girl.”

A man who wants to kidnap, knock out, tie a woman over a low flame and then eat her alive … but has no interest in sticking foreign objects in her vagina. Or any interest in her vagina at all, really. Like, it’s cool, she can do with her vagina what she wants; he’s not gonna force himself all up in there, he’s cool.

Sorry “suspended” officer Valle, but you’d never make it in today’s GOP.

[Salon / Gothamist / CBS]

 

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{ 221 comments }

Buzz Feedback October 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

They're hanging themselves. No need to stretch the rope.

AdamGR October 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

He's specifically going to avoid stretching the rope. That way he won't be tempted next time.

Buzz Feedback October 26, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I wasn't thinking about the cop. I was thinking about the post in general. Kind of a bridge too far.

actor212 October 29, 2012 at 8:47 am

Ohplease! The guy was getting a head start on Hurricane Sandy and how the food's run out in the city already! Leave this cop alone! He was being entrepreneurial! I know I've already nommed a few limbs. I'm getting peckish.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

It's kind of hard to make a tasteful joke at this point, no?

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Ugh. I don't want to joke about this at all.

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Too scary to to even think guys like this actually exist. Hold me.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:21 pm

(Hugs Lascauxcaveman)

Giveusabob October 26, 2012 at 3:02 pm

But that shouldn't rule out the prospect of a tasty sauteed brain recipe like this one, should it?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Sounds a bit bland. And what fruit would you use? Ideally, one should consider a sauce of raspberries, or any other reddish fruit.

emmelemm October 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Oh, I see what you did there.

GhostBuggy October 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Why would we start making tasteful jokes now?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Well, I'd TRY, but CRE_ature would get on my case about my supposed cannibalism.

Barbara_ October 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Thank God, I wasn't part of his Barb-a-Q. *shiver*

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

:0(

Barbara_ October 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Sorry, allow me to head butt you all day to make up for it. My bad.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Aw, don't mind me. This kinda thing just upsets me, is all. :0/

It makes me think of the little girl in that "Aliens" movie:

"My mommy always said there were no monsters – no real ones – but there are."

Barbara_ October 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Okay, let's change the joke.
I hear this guy was on the Jenny Craig diet.

Fare la Volpe October 26, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Favorite film – watched it just last night. But…how did you know? You aren't…in my house…are you?

Quick, where's my right hand right now?

rickmaci October 26, 2012 at 3:54 pm

His friends say he was always singing. "There is nothing like a dame…"

Geminisunmars October 26, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Followed by his rendition of "The dame on flame is maimly not the same…"

skmind October 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Gil Valle's statements were taken out of context, and he apologizes if anyone misinterpreted them because of the librul media.

mavenmaven October 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

He meant that he wanted to cook them alive, with votes.

elviouslyqueer October 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

"My intent was not to piss anyone off, but to do my due diligence by suggesting that I wanted to cook these women low and slow… and some people got offended."

Loch_Nessosaur October 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Bakin' ladies is going to be a challenge on the next season of Top Chef.

Texan_Bulldog October 26, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Iron Chef secret ingredient: WOMEN!

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I don't know. Anybody can get baked. You just have to want to and rid yourselves of the social qualms around it.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 10:38 pm

And a plank in the next GOP Convention Platform.

Come here a minute October 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Officer Valle also wrote, "If anyone orders Chianti, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Chianti!"

imissopus October 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

On the plus side, at least he wouldn't be able to wash them down with a soda larger than sixteen ounces.

Lazy Media October 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Somebody's going to get ignored at the next Politico cocktail party…..

Hammiepants October 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

This story is salutary in that it makes one's own perversions seem downright wholesome.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Never mind.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Romney has binders of women, Vale has folders of women.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 3:13 pm

And crockpots full of women!

Mittaplasia October 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

They're both swimmin' in wimmen'.

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Speaking of which, I think I've traced the origin of Mitt's binders to Joseph Smith's associate/patsy Martin Harris, who in 1859 claimed that the golden plates "… were put together on the back by three silver rings, so that they would open like a book."

calliecallie October 26, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Rotisseries of women.

Disassembly October 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Republican leaders prefer their own feet.

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Now what is he supposed to serve with all those fava beans?

Barbara_ October 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

He certainly wouldn't eat Sarah Palin, too bitter.

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Like our friendly NYPD cannibal cop I don't like the taste of sulfur, either.

Jus_Wonderin October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Probably a bit stringy too. Oh, and the aftertaste.

LibertyLover October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

And too much gristle these days…

HogeyeGrex October 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Or griftle.

Biff October 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Gristly mama.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm

The flavor quits halfway through?

Mittaplasia October 26, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Very ill-advised since she's so marinated in meth you'll be wired for the next 3 days.

redarmyzombie October 26, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Assuming you don't OD.

nounverb911 October 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Gives new meaning to "Stop and Frisk".

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Stop and Fricassée?

Disassembly October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Shake and bake.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Stop and frisk and marinate?

Lot_49 October 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

The fappability quotient of this blog is declining ever and ever more rapidly.

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 3:09 pm

That's debatable.

MosesInvests October 26, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Yeah-I need to go back to that video of Lena Dunham now.

redarmyzombie October 26, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Needs moar Buttsechs.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Editrix needs to write more Bodice Rippers, less Jack The.

edgydrifter October 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Yes, he only planned to prepare his lady-roast for somebody else to rape, so obvious RINO.

Biff October 26, 2012 at 3:09 pm

He was merely planning on subbing out the work he found distasteful. Jerbs creator!

Mittaplasia October 26, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Like using the DH when the pitcher's standing on-deck.

mavenmaven October 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

The scary part was these were women that he knew, according to the NYT. I bet he was a believer in small government.

jodyleek October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Well, who in their right mind wants to eat people they don't know? 'Cause, yuck!

Geminisunmars October 26, 2012 at 6:30 pm

You don't know where that person has been!

OneYieldRegular October 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I didn't see in your post whether this guy was running for Senate or not. Probably just a journalistic slip-up?

Mittaplasia October 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

This guy is going to run for prez: "A woman in every pot."

CthuNHu October 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Pots full of women!

Biff October 26, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Honey pot!

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Women full of pot, plz!

deliman4 October 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I thought it was a "BIG BIRD' in every pot

RomneysLogCabin October 26, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I almost wish this guy was black so we could hear the Neo-Cons turn the story into: "Barack Obama wants to sex your daughters and eat them" …because black is black.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

drat I accidentally stole yours. I'm worse than this fucking guy.

Mittens Howell, III October 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

His menu begins at conception.

Biff October 26, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Mmmmm, veal…

nounverb911 October 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Law & Order SVU episode in 3…2…1…

Lot_49 October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

You can see the credits rolling already:

Story by Gil Valle

Jus_Wonderin October 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Stories ripped from the rotisserie.

WhatTheHolyHeck October 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Looks like those women aren't going to be the only ones

::sunglasses::

with their feet held over the fire.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:21 pm

CSI libel!

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

This one is more Criminal Minds territory. Seriously creepy.

MosesInvests October 26, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Duh-DUN!

ifthethunderdontgetya October 26, 2012 at 2:50 pm

At least he's not a terrorist!!11!

"To serve and garnish"
~

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Ladies are best when cooked in a crock pot.

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Get me a sammitch while you're up.

kittensdontlie October 26, 2012 at 3:11 pm

By a crack pot.

Schmannnity October 26, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Romney applauds his bold plan to get off food stamps.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 26, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I didn't hear. Was this going to be Legitimate or Illegitimate Cannibalism.

Geminisunmars October 26, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Women have ways of shutting down the rotisserie.

cousinitt October 26, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I've been waiting for Wonkette to work on the Good Housekeeping interview with Ann Romney. http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/celebrity-… The snark quotient there is huge. Sneak peek: "turn up the gas and get people…" Plus, it seems Mittens has a rage issue.

kyeshinka October 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Someone just extended Paula Deen's show by another three seasons.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 10:42 pm
Mittens Howell, III October 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I'm sure the Republican congress would vote for a resolution declaring women as a vegetable in school cafeterias.

Geminisunmars October 26, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Ha ha. The jokes on them. Everyone knows that republicans are the real vegetables.

asterixaverni October 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

The original reports on Wednesday included rape – he would kidnap, rape, then cook his victims. The over 100 women he had on his list? Came from the national criime database that he had access to as a police officer.

I guess OKCupid just wasn't cutting for him.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Great. Now I'm hungry.

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Don't eat Chinese, you'll be hungry again in half an hour.

Mittaplasia October 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Confucius say eat German-Chinese food and you'll be power-hungry.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 26, 2012 at 3:50 pm

In bed.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:23 pm

That's what she said.

Mittens Howell, III October 26, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I thought cops ate donuts.

Geminisunmars October 26, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Slow roasted donuts.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Well, then, this totally makes sense.

BlueMonkeh October 26, 2012 at 2:54 pm

He was THIS CLOSE to getting that coveted Mittens helping hand…and may still!

imissopus October 26, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"Oh good heavens, of course I'm not in favor of slow-roasting women alive over an open flame and then preparing delicious steaks from their flesh to serve at a Police League barbecue. But this does show how the president has failed to provide leadership to the country."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 3:56 pm

"I'm running for office for Pete's sake."

Tequila Mockingbird October 26, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Some put them in binders. Some put them in blenders.

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I like my Frappafemale with extra whipped cream.

Antispandex October 26, 2012 at 2:54 pm

You know I have been asked to do this sort of thing to the wife, often. Not the cooking part, but, well, you know, the eating alive. I was almost sure she didn't mean this, but we're not republicans so….

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Would this qualify as a legitimate bake?

ifthethunderdontgetya October 26, 2012 at 3:04 pm

As long as Grace was said before eating.
~

weejee October 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Even if you're eating Grace?

Blueb4sinrise October 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Make me a sammich!

CthuNHu October 26, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Poof! You're a sammich!

miss_grundy October 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I guess the NYPD is so hard up for people to go through the academy that they are not doing any psychological testing. Do you think they might start doing that after this little bit of publicity?? No? I didn't think so either.

Not_So_Much October 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm

This story is super difficult to masturb…never mind.

pdiddycornchips October 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I knew the NYPD was full of psychopaths but at least they draw the line at kidnapping, killing and eating people.

OneYieldRegular October 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

"However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police." – Quentin Crisp

docterry6973 October 27, 2012 at 8:57 am

Seems like they don't mind a little assault, rape, or murder though.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 2:58 pm

This is all just too unsavory for my taste.

chascates October 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Sounds more like the Spanish Inquisition.

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Nobody expected that.

Radiotherapy October 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

It's not like he wanted to do a transvaginal ultrasound or something.

Mumbletypeg October 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm

The above image is producing an unpleasant reminder for me of that scene in Silence of the Lambs wherein the West Virginia speaking accent is forcibly raped by Jodie Foster.

kittensdontlie October 26, 2012 at 3:23 pm

There is a pressing legal question here: The accent was issued forth from her mouth, which was unable to shut the whole thing down, making it illegitimate??

FlownOver October 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Little-known fact: Foster's WV inflection was the midpoint in development of the Nell speech patterns.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:26 pm

So, what you're saying is that it was a legitimate accent-rape, then?

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Hello Clarice!

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm

That's not his ticket book! It's a cookbook!!

calliecallie October 26, 2012 at 10:40 pm

"To Serve Women"

Detesticle October 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I don't know how y'all women deal with all peril, peril, peril everywhere. Rape. Republicans who support rape. Women-cookers. Real Housewives. Breast cancer. Cervical cancer. High heels. Low pay. Today, on the other hand, I will be playing Xbox 360 in my Marky Marks without a care in the world until it's time to go to some wedding where I will pour on the Xbox charmmmm.

calliecallie October 26, 2012 at 10:43 pm

"If I were a boy…."

docterry6973 October 27, 2012 at 8:59 am

On the other hand, women to get to marry men. So that is a pretty good deal, amIright?

ph7 October 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

To each his own?

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I just hope that they didn't let this guy organize the kālua pig roast for the NYPD Luau.

Biff October 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Long pig, or Long Island pig roast?

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

It rubs the Crisco on its skin.

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I am! I am!

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Put the woman in the basket.

snowpointsecret October 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

It's sad when just having "NYPD" on there lowers the shock factor of the story by about 90%.

DemmeFatale October 26, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Didn't lower it for me.
This is totally shocking.

I think we are all completely fed up with the devaluing of women.
(This little episode seems to be causing a sense of humor failure.)

gullywompr October 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Rape or GTFO.

CthuNHu October 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

You know who else had no interest in vaginas at all?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Marcus Bachmann?

ph7 October 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Any republican who mentions how fit Paul Ryan is?

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Eunuchs?

Mittaplasia October 26, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Everyone who saw Octomom give birth?

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Well, it wasn't Ellen Degeneres.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Liberace?

calliecallie October 26, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Refalca?

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

NYPD Bleu

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Permit me to use that when I go to my local tavern/cop hangout later this afternoon.

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Be sure to put an apple in your mouth.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Granted, but at your own risk, sir. I don't make comments on Wonkette to be held responsible for them.

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Most of them are cool guys and gals, at least in the bar.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Do they look well-fed? It's important…

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 10:49 pm

NYPD Blow Torch

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Another broken, defective one. Scary thing is, he didn't actually get to the point where he did anything, so he'll probably get off with a couple of years for 'conspiracy to eat a woman' or something. Meanwhile, the black kid he busted with a dime bag of crack last year is doing 10 to 20.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Your move, Gordon Ramsay.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Valle 2016: A Woman In Every Pot!

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

How can a NY cop afford an apartment that can hold one hundred captive women? Starting salary at the NYPD is $34,970 a year.

Jerri October 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Yah, but once you factor in all the overtime it's a different story.

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 3:21 pm

And Tupperware is great on fridge space.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:25 pm

And they got a lot of overtime last year, pepper-spraying them Occupy folks.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Not to mention that you can probably pen up a few in Central Park.

fuflans October 26, 2012 at 4:08 pm

i don't think he could afford an apartment to hold a roaster.

never mind the women.

ManchuCandidate October 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

The sad fact is, it doesn't matter if he wants to eat ladies (in the very very bad way) the fact he's white would still make him popular among the GOPers.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Well, he's white(ish), and by that I mean a fair-skinned hispanic looking at the profile at Gothamist. But, since his grasp of Spanish he lists as "poor", he should fit right in with them. Bueno!

Jus_Wonderin October 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I don't know about this. I usually overnight marinate the women I roast.

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Big parboiler here.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:26 pm

In Texas, we use the large smoker, same as for brisket.

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

That Lena Dunham is most certainly responsible for this.

BlueStateLibel October 26, 2012 at 3:16 pm

There's a school of thought that the real sociopaths are among the most respected citizens…the police officer, the minister, the U.S. Senator, the bank president, the CEO…this school of thought is right.

Biff October 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I detected a flaw in his culinary plan. How will he be able to stuff the birds and keep them alive at the same time?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

He had no interest in stuffing them.

HogeyeGrex October 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

My favorite tweet about this was

"To Serve And Protect Man": Apparently it's a cookbook.

gullywompr October 26, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Women™:FIlls you up without filling you out.

deliman4 October 26, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Battered women….. sounds delicious!!

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Water, meet computer screen. Well done.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Chicks and chips is my favorite pub snack.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I almost lost my tempura over that one.

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm

It feels like an Arlene's night.

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 3:26 pm

With our luck, this will be the last new post until 11 p.m. Sunday night.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Yeah, I notice that the blush is off the rose and the excitement phase is over, haven't seen many late night or weekend posts from our Snark Mistress lately. Don't know what we will do after Dok Zoom gets done diagramming that crazy Christian history book.

Jus_Wonderin October 26, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Wonkette should just give us an empty comment box and let us go to town.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I believe Editrix has observed in the past that everybody must get laid.

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 9:24 pm

You'll be delighted to know that I have a big ol' pile of OTHER Christianist textbooks!

OK, perhaps "delighted" is the wrong word.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

A perfect storm of truly awful puns is forecast for the weekend.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 4:09 pm

There is a Wishconshin Senate debate tonight. Mayhaps there will be livebloog? 8pm Central.

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Mayor Bloomberg is claiming the arrest averted a massive toilet paper shortage.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:28 pm

OT, but only just for the moment:
http://www.dayswithoutagoprapemention.com/

Mumbletypeg October 26, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Excellent!

Beowoof October 26, 2012 at 3:31 pm

While I thoroughly enjoy eating women, I do like them to be alive and satiated when I am through.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Well, I've eaten a few women in my time, but no digestion ever took place, and they really seemed to enjoy it.

barto October 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm

This is really big disappointment for the GOP – he was showing such promise!

oenspiek October 26, 2012 at 3:52 pm

That's one way for the ladies to get home to feed their husbands!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Hey Valle! Bite me!

rickmaci October 26, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Twilight Zone. "How to serve man."

owhatever October 26, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Romney is not commenting on this story because forcible rape is not involved. Had it been, he would not comment on it. Then he would change his position, and insist that he stands by his earlier non-comment.

DahBoner October 26, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Assume deer dead.

Goonemeritus October 26, 2012 at 4:10 pm

This is the logical conclusion of the liberal obsession with sourcing all food locally. Other than Pigeons and rats what’s a carnivore to eat that is free range and locally sourced in NYC?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 4:29 pm
fuflans October 26, 2012 at 4:14 pm

to be fair, i'm pretty sick of election coverage too.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I KNOW! Can we finally get back to constantly criticizing their work, and not their job interviews!

Incitefully_Joe October 26, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Don't worry, he's NYPD; there are plenty of other officers ready to pick up the slack and fill this guy's rape quota for on his behalf.

ElPinche October 26, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I've eaten some breakfast tacos (Thai-Mexican style) over in East Austin that I were so good they we're almost fuckable ….but consensual !!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm

He was very specific about tying up her bare feet. I find that a bit creepy.

Steverino247 October 26, 2012 at 4:45 pm

That's not a glass ceiling, it's a glass lid for the giant cooking pot!

LibertyLover October 26, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Guess who's coming to dinner?

mrblifil October 26, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Bad planning. After he cooks them to death, who's going to be around to make the sandwiches?

FlownOver October 26, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Assume women delicious.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:09 pm

This brings to mind the totally dark and inappropriate humor of the late and great Mitch Hedgeberg, who said:

"Battered women…sounds delicious."

Okay, I need a shower, but one I feel will not wash the stench of hell from my skin.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 10:53 pm

LOL. I saw him live once. He wasn't very funny though – prolly too drunk and/or high. But his opener, Al Madrigal (now on Daily Show), nearly made me shit myself with votes, er laughter. That guy is a comedic genius.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 12:27 am

I only ever saw him on television, but few people ever made me laugh harder than him. He has a very distinct style, and may not have been everyone's cup of tea, but I got him.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 10:51 pm

They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Leave the labia, take the cannoli.

ttommyunger October 27, 2012 at 7:08 am

“I think I would rather not get involved in the rape." Obviously a Democrat.

docterry6973 October 27, 2012 at 9:02 am

Some kind of apparatus? He should study his religious history. Right christians have cooked lots of wrong christians. Must be diagrams somewhere. Check the papal library.

littlebigdaddy October 27, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Well, I hope he made sure they washed their vadges first.

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Poor Jenny!

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 6:56 pm

AY-firmative!

lol U freek! Truly, tho, that's one great flick – in some ways superior to the first 'un. And, being kinda a runt myself, I've always IDed with Newt… :0)

Mumbletypeg October 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I was gonna say,.. I ended up watching "Aliens" in the theater as a teen prior to ever seeing the first one, because I'd been too young at its release. I appreciate both now but for different reasons, obvs as they had 2 separate directors — but each is powerful in its own way and they both hold up over repeat viewings!

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