that's what I call the long arm of coincidence!

Watch Ann Dunham Give Birth To Two-Year-Old Toddler Barack Obama In Kenya (Video)

The birth of history's greatest monsterSorry, Barack Nobummer, but the SECRET is OUT. Vice has been approached by some super-not-shady Romanian who totally exists and who transferred to video this Super 8 film (which was invented in 1965) shot by Barack Obama’s fake father, Barack Obama Sr., of you as a giant two-year-old baby being born in Kenya. (In 1961, people were always totally filming vaginal births, on their uninvented Super 8.) But there are some who might unaccountably STILL try to “debunk” this obvious proof with stupid questions, like why do you weigh 23 pounds and came out of your mom’s vagina with your eyes open, holding your head up and looking around, reading at a second-grade level and riding a bike? The Romanian explains it is because Kenyan babies are just gigantic, everyone knows that, but is it because you are actually Damian and Rosemary’s Baby and stuff? (PROBABLY.) And why is your mom, Ann Dunham, listed as “Ann Dunham” in her hospital chart (with helpful yearbook photo!) instead of Ann Obama? Was 1961 Kenya super-feminist and we did not know about it? That would be cool. Totally real Kenyan birth video, after the jump!

Sorry dude, but now you are inpeached.

[VICE]

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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336 comments

    1. Callyson

      Anne Richards approves this message.

      (Gawd, I have been following the ads way too closely, and I don't even live in a swing state…)

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Hang in there. Michelle will probably divorce the loser if Romney squeaks by with a victory. Like when he lost that congressional race.

    1. Tommy1733

      I know what you mean – this video really shows us the miracle of birth. "And I think to myself – what a wonderful world".

    1. Geminisunmars

      What you didn't notice the flag pin the good doc was wearing? At about :43. All good doctors wear flag pins, dontcha know. La Proof.

    2. AngryBlakGuy

      …this video is obviously fake, because we all know Barack HUSSEIN Obama was delivered In a Mosque by the Ayatollah himself!!!

    3. Designer_Rants

      Reading Weigel's column yesterday, he also pointed out that the whole "Transferred from Super8 film" thing is bogus too – Super8 film was invented years later. But if it weren't for that and the flag thing, this would be a startlingly good fake!

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I bet The Onion is sorry they didn't think of this one first. They certainly could have done a better (and funnier) job of it.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I was about to say the same thing, but without the "black" part. The white babies all look like Churchill, the black babies look like George Foreman.

        1. James Michael Curley

          What is up to about five sons named George now and a couple cheesey kitchen appliances?

  1. Pookums

    Kenyan babies are bigger and have more 'fast-twitch' muscles. This explains the fact that they are constantly winning marathons and presidential elections.

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      No, no, it's us descendants of West Africans who have the fast-twitch fibers, which aren't useful for distance running. Get your folk science explanations of White Sports Fail straight!

  2. Lazy Media

    I'm pretty sure that 1961 Kenyan fathers weren't in the delivery room filming giant babies emerging from their concubine's hoo-has. They were in the waiting room, pacing and chewing qat.

    1. Lazy Media

      Srsly, I was born in 1962, and my dad was off coaching a basketball game during the delivery. This whole having the father in the delivery room thing started in the '70s and filming the birth in the '80s.

      1. Terry

        My father was in the waiting room for both my and my sister's births in the early 60's. When my sister was in labor, the nurse suggested that Dad stay in the room for the delivery. He looked like someone was trying to throw scalding water on him and he almost ran to the waiting room.

        It's a generational thing. A father in the early 60's wouldn't be in the delivery room and if, for some reason he was, he would NOT be filming it.

        1. Geminisunmars

          My husband was present for 2 of his 3 sons' births in the 50s and early 60s. Voluntarily, although much to the staff's annoyance. But he wasn't filming.

          1. Terry

            I'm sitting here trying to imagine what my mother would have said if my father tried to aim a movie camera at her hoo-haw. I expect that her language would have made several sailors blush.

          2. HELisforHEL

            I know! I cannot imagine the salt that would have been thrown my dad's way.
            Some people have too much time on their hands, but not enough talent.

    2. AnAmericanInTO

      My dad was in the room when I was born in 1974. It was such a rarity at the time, the obstetrician thought my dad, wearing scrubs, was an intern. When Dad got light-headed because of blood, that kinda gave it away.

    1. Geminisunmars

      And, besides, he was probably born well after 1961. Since he was born so advanced, he aged a lot earlier too. He's prolly 41 not 51.

    2. Lazy Media

      Yeah, but regular 8mm home-movie film went on the market in 1932, which proves that this video is 100 percent real, and Barack Obama must be forced out of office at bayonet-point. Wolverines!

      1. sullivanst

        You'd think the "lab" that "said" it was "absolutely genuine" might have mentioned that it was not super 8, but the physically incompatible standard 8 format, no?

  3. Oblios_Cap

    That can't be Hawaii. There are no pineapples or Hawaiian shirts anywhere to be seen.

    I smell cover-up!

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …or that show on Fox News with Meygn Kelly, what's the name of that show again? Oh yeah, THE NEWS!!!

    1. SoBeach

      I'm no biologist either, but I watched every last SoBaby enter the world. Not only were their heads smaller than their mother's, they were pretty gooey.

    2. Fare la Volpe

      I'm no OB/GYN, but don't babies typically come out covered in blood and viscera and not a full head of hair?

      1. bobbert

        My first-born came out with way more hair than the pictured kid. Of course, at just over eight pounds, he was also about as big as pictured-kid's head.

    3. TribecaMike

      Macrocephaly was all the rage in Kenya during the late fifties and early sixties. Case closed.

      1. TribecaMike

        Kenyans are not happy at all about being compared to Scottsdale, Arizona. Expect a rain of spears in 3, 2, 1.

    1. WhatTheHolyHeck

      This totally reputable Romanian insists there's a shot of the birth certificate in the video as well. THANK GOODNESS THAT'S FINALLY RESOLVED CONCLUSIVELY.

  4. GregComlish

    Back in the 60s Kenya made it a priority that all hospital beds in Kenya displayed the national flag of Kenya.

  5. a_pink_poodle

    This is totally not fake at all!

    But serious I pray to Lord Jesus almighty that someone actually takes this seriously and toots it around on Fox News. That'll be the funniest thing in the woooooorld. I will quite possibly literally crap my pants and have to throw them out but it'll be so worth it.

  6. SorosBot

    It's weird that the Kenyan hospital's documents and calendar are all in English instead of Swahili; huh.

    1. sullivanst

      Actually, that part might not be so weird. Legacy of empire and such. The use of Sharpie pen to write her name is completely unsuspicious, though, of coruse.

  7. zumpie

    Also, too, also: Dads weren't even in the delivery rooms with moms in 1961, let alone recording something so icky. That helpful Kenyan Flag didn't exist until 1963 (and ditto Super 8 cameras). Oh and the recovered super fast, with no sweat whatsoever (take note, Mittens!) from her delivery of her huge "baby" mom would've more likely been knocked out with Demerol.

    But otherwise, seems totes real to me…..Teh Donald and Orly were right!!!!! Oh the humanity!!!

    1. sullivanst

      But not to enough trouble to make it in the slightest part even a little credible. Like such as remembering whether you said were given a transfer of the super-8 onto VHS, or whether you have the super-8 in your possession; or bothering to check when super-8 was launched, or the design of the Kenyan flag adopted.

  8. Detesticle

    Haha. This is really turning out to be hilarious Republican blooper video day on the Wonktet. I could watch today's videos over and over.

  9. FakaktaSouth

    One of my, ahem, "black friends" (points and smiles like Colbert) told me that black babies are also born a little lighter in the pigmentation than they are ultimately? I mean, she said it takes a bit for all the melanin to get to flowing I suppose? And Barack isn't as dark as that baby now? Am I crazy and just really white and wrong? Nevermind, this is obviously real.

    1. SoBeach

      I've seen a few very new babies of all flavors, and they all look a little grey to me. They're not quite done when they come out. Takes a little while for them to look like people.

    2. SunburntCounsel

      This is a ridiculously unsnarky thing to be my first Wonkette comment after lurking for so long, but yes, your friends are correct. It takes a couple weeks, sometimes longer, for babies to come into their colour. My son (who is much darker than the President) was pretty much white when he was born.

    3. mayor_quimby

      Very true, many a black child is born looking like Lena Horne, only to darken to a more Oprah-ish shade after a few weeks.

    4. mnotrtoo

      Also, newborns (except in early 60's Kenya I've just found out) are covered in a white waxy substance called vernix caseosa that helps protect them from germs and stuff. I was amazed by the entire process of both my daughters (disclosure: not Kenyan Muslims, so…) and I'd imagine anyone who's witnessed birth would quickly question many different details of this 4th grade school project film.

  10. AngryBlakGuy

    …the only thing that would make this more ridiculous would be if "baby Barack" had gold teeth and corn rows!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      And how it took about a second and a half to cut it, and there was no blood, and they didn't show it anyway.

    2. SoBeach

      And I like how they showed it after they "cut" it. Um, in real life the one end of that thing is on the baby, the other on the placenta.

    1. mingey

      Damn it, I should have read the comments before posting. I thought I was SO SMART with my Dharma Initiative joke…

  11. Oblios_Cap

    I was particularly impressed that the picture on the chart was the same as the yearbook picture. Obama must have been her graduation present.

    1. Lazy Media

      Yes, and I'm impressed that the hospital took a photograph that EXACTLY matched the yearbook picture, sent it off to be developed, and received a print in time to have it on her chart between the time she went into labor and the birth. Kenyan mail service and photo-developers must have been AWESOME back then.

  12. SexySmurf

    I don't know what women are always complaining about; childbirth looks incredibly easy. The kid just walks right out, and there's no messy cleanup.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      And he is ready to start preschool, so you don't have to worry about taking care of him all day long.

      I think we have been sold a stack of lies by women. Could they all be… secret Muslims?

      1. AngryBlakGuy

        …considering that this kid is easily in his 12th trimester, I think the the Republicans may be right about birth beginning at conception!

  13. MissTaken

    Little known fact:

    The Kenyan flag has antiseptic properties and thus always present when a white woman is giving birth to a black toddler on camera.

  14. tihond

    I like the part where baby Obama looks at the camera and says "One day I will run for president of the United States on a centrist platform, despite my obvious Kenyan Muslim Socialist beliefs."

    1. zumpie

      And adds "gotta run. It's time to fake my birth announcements and birth certificiate in Hawaii. And also too, dodge the Viet Nam draft by using that tired "under age" excuse!"

  15. SpiderCrab

    I just hope the Romanian fellow who discovered this damning video was well-paid by a republican super-pac.

    1. PugglesRule

      Wow… given the size of the baby, that woman should have gained about 120 lb. during pregnancy.

  16. mavenmaven

    The Sharpie on the calendar is definitely from 1961. But the idea of trying to scam Trump for his $5 million dollar bounty is clearly from 2012.

    1. jodyleek

      I can't see the video…is there a buxom blonde nurse being chased by a very short man and Benny Hill?

    1. Nostrildamus

      Wouldn't they use the Muslin calendar? In that case, this video is from 500 years in the future.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Shouldn't they be using the Islamic calendar? The year would be like 1382 AH or something close to that.

      1. LibrarianX

        Don't you guys listen to FOX? Kenyans are too sneaky to be so obvious. Everyone would expect them to use the Islamic calendar.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    I have it on good authority (i.e. rectal extraction method) that babies sired by black studs on white dams must gestate for an additional two years before birth.

  18. credulous1

    Smart dad to get a shot of the hospital record first, in case he forgets who the mother of his child is. Very verite.

    1. richmx2

      I think the real answer is that he would… if you're born on a U.S. flagged ship or airplane you're considered a U.S. citizen, so why would a spaceship be any different?

  19. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    We must learn history or be doomed to look like an ass on the you tube when we incorrectly fake a movie to support out wingnut conspiracy theories.

  20. MissTaken

    Can we please make a fake video showing Mitt Romney being assembled in IBM's China plant? We could use a US flag with 50 stars on it, even though there were only 48 states in 1947, to make it extra authentic.

    Or we could just find the real video of the assembly.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        It's going to be creepy when, in the middle of his concession speech, he starts singing "Daisy" as he powers down.

        1. bikerlaureate

          That's the kind of post-Halloween creepiness I live for, though.
          If he had a heart he's just concede now and make my weekend great.

  21. DCBloom

    For fucks sake, they're maligning a dead woman. I can't even snark. It's just too awful. It's one thing to go after the prez, but leave his mother alone.

    1. Ruhe

      And I just stopped giggling…thank you for the perspective check. You're right. If I was presented with a video depicting my mother like that I'd be pissed.

    2. AnAmericanInTO

      How different would the last four years be if she were still alive? This endless birther bullshit parade would have been a 48 hour story.

      But like a Pez despenser another conspiracy theory would have taken its place.

  22. Trinket

    I was going to say "That is the stupidest goddamned thing I have ever seen," but it seems like I'm saying that a lot lately and I don't want to get stuck in a rut.

      1. Negropolis

        Well, they do consider the Great Rift Valley the origin of man, after all.

        Today, we are all Africans!

  23. MacRaith

    Look, the guy who made the video pretty much said in the interview that he just did it to try to con Donald Trump out of some cash. I'm cool with that.

  24. Tripwire657

    It wouldn't make any difference where Obama was born. His mother is an American citizen (I've looked up all the stuff in the US constitution and the INS regulations regarding the definition of a citizen and the rules regarding the citizenship of children born to US parents in foreign countries) and therefore Barack Obama was and IS and American Citizen.

    Anyone thinking differently needs to explain to me how and why a Republican dominated House has not managed to garner enough evidence to a) stop his name being on the ballot in the 1st place and b) Impeaching him on the grounds of lying to congress.

  25. MrsConclusion

    At first I thought this was referring to the Dunham who created Girls and I was enormously confused. But then I read it carefully. Whew! For a second I thought it was a piece of idiotic wingnut misinfopropagandotainment! That was close!

  26. HelmutNewton

    2-year old "baby"? Check.
    Non-existent super-8 film? Check.
    Non-existent Kenyan flag? Check.
    Woman who looks nothing like Ann Dunham? Check.
    Cheesy video effects meant to mimic actual film? Check.

    Yep, this definitely passes the teabagger threshold for "truth".

  27. Noisette76

    That baby is super cute, though. (Sorry, I just had one of those a few months ago and hormones + sleep deprivation = first reaction to something like this is to coo at the baby/toddler)

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Congrats on your new bundle of joy! I hope you weren't banking on any of that "sleeping" stuff for the next 18 years!

      1. Noisette76

        Thanks- my birth experience was remarkably similar to Ann Dunham's, right down to the 20 lb baby emerging on its own from under the sheets (with remarkably little effort on my part), my high school photo attached to my chart, and my OB's flag lapel pin. This video is SO REAL, guys.

    2. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Yay Wonkette baby! Have you indoctrinated the little one yet? Is he/she registered? Make sure he/she votes!

  28. Dildeaux

    Wingers are saying this is a false flag op, that is, its performed by a libtard designed to mock the truth-seeking birfers. Fuck me.

    1. docterry6973

      Silly wingers. No one needs elaborate hoax films to mock birthers. Everyone with an ounce of sense mocks them endlessly.

  29. Chet Kincaid_

    Hysterical! Clearly this video exists to make complete asses out of the dumbest of the Teatards. You guys let me know which of your stupid inlaws forwards this to you. Bravo!

  30. Antispandex

    Well, I remember when my wife had our first, and she was a TOTAL hippie and wouldn't take any drugs, because they could "harm the little guy". Anyway, she didn't look near as good as Mrs. Whatshername there, and our little fella was only 6 1/2 pounds! Maybe she sould have gone with the drugs?

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Conspiracies are a funny thing. Somehow, the same government that can fake the Moon Landing or cover up Obama's birth is the same one that couldn't maintain the levies in New Orleans.

      1. SorosBot

        The government was able to fake the moon landing and kill JFK while hiding the conspiracy, yet somehow was unable to successfully cover up a two-bit burglary in a certain Washington hotel.

  31. docterry6973

    I worked in hospitals for decades, and I swear that every chart has a 5×6 blowup of the patient's yearbook photo glued to the front page, over top of the data, so that we can identify the patient. I am CONVINCED that this film is legit.

    Trump should totally fork over the $5 million, in cash, at once. In fact, I will deliver the cash myself. Call me, Donald.

  32. Dildeaux

    Ann at the gyno…
    Doc: "I seem to have lost my watch, lost my watch, lost my watch" (echo)
    Ann: "I heard you the first time, asshole".

    remeber to tip your servers.

  33. Tio_Doidinho

    How convenient, too, also, that the mother's hoo-hoo is never exposed in the process of birth. This allows the video to be safely posted on YouTube 40 years down the road, and helps to conceal the two-year-old stuck between the dam's legs.

    Truly, comedy gold.

    1. mickeymusing

      Plus, they can commit real journalism Fox-style ('we report –using leading questions, you decide') by simply asking if this 'could be the proof' birther's need over and over and over again without ever taking a position on it.

    1. HELisforHEL

      Have they finally stopped writing endlessly about Lady Gaga? Because that was the deciding factor for allowing the subscription to lapse.

  34. James Michael Curley

    Srsly, What evidence is there that the film was Super8. Kodak 8mm was 1.33:1 and Super8 was 1.36:1 not a big margin for the eye to determine.

    1. docterry6973

      I believe the not-at-all shady promoter of this film described it as Super-8 and said he transferred it to video.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Thanks, so he alleges; “I was going through my basement … and out popped Barack HUSSEIN Obama.”

  35. ChickTract_Fil_A

    Were there no adjacent taverns in 1961 Kenya? They were unarguably the standard father-to-be waiting room in the day.

  36. TribecaMike

    But according to Jerome Corsi, Ph.D., and imdb, Obama's mother only appeared in porn movies filmed in Area 51. Who to believe???

  37. TribecaMike

    An all-too obvious hoax. For one thing, the mother is white and the baby is black, which according to my pastor is a biological impossibility. Besides, everybody knows Obama's real father was Nate Silver and he's as white as Andy Williams' ghost.

  38. LibCurmudgeon

    I can't believe there are actually people both here and on the Vimeo site who think that this video was meant to fool anyone. Clearly, it's an hilarious parody of the imaginary video that Trumpty Dumpty and his idiot birther pals are still searching for. Personally, I think it could have been made even more parodic, but still, it's purdy darn funny.

  39. iamrrm

    If women actually gave birth to babbies that big there would be hellaciously hot flaming fiery burnings in the capitol over any attempts to deny birth control.

  40. mrblifil

    It would appear nobody bothered to suck out all the amniotic fluid from the lungs once baby emerged, so it's a shame Barack Obama had to die at such an early age.

    1. mayor_quimby

      Is that what you have to do? Gross. Now I know why repubs hate all that nasty lady business related science. Storks are so much less complicated!

  41. mbobier

    Magnificent! My favorite part is when, after the giant baby emerges from under the sheets with his eyes wide open, looking around, holding his head up, and breathing as if he's been doing so for at least 18 months (which he clearly has), the guy standing to "Ann Dunham's" right grasps the umbilical cord very close to the kid's abdomen, clearly holding it in place with his left hand, and then simply removes it, without having to cut the cord or anything, while waving his scalpel-weilding right hand in the air. Also, cutting the umbilicus with the super-powered magical scalpel that doesn't need to be anywhere near the patient produces no blood at all! Obstetrical medicine in 1961 Kenya was amazingly advanced!

    Not to mention that the cord seems to be about 6" long, as opposed to an actual human umbilicus, which is typically at least 12" long (for an unusually short cord), and can be more than 24". So Kenyan babies are magic, too, since they can survive in utero with a cord that isn't long enough to stretch from their body to the placenta!!!

  42. smitallica

    That is the worst recreation of an event that didn't actually happen since "The Passion of the Christ."

  43. LotsOfRats

    Maybe it's just because we Canadians aren't super-patriotic, but our doctors don't generally wear flag pins in delivery rooms.

      1. LotsOfRats

        We actually post photos of the Royals to the patients' charts. That's how you know the video is from Canada.

  44. BaldarTFlagass

    I bet the righties will bitching and complaining that this video is not being run on any of the lamestream librul media.

  45. Native_of_SL_UT

    One of my coworkers from the IT department posted a video on Facebook last week. It was a handheld video of his street, with his voice explaining how dangerous this intersection was, when a cop car T-boned an SUV, and it flipped over on its roof.
    It was awesome and not an obvious fake, but much better than this one.

  46. Darrell Larose

    Child birth is a bloody messy business, that 30 lb baby was almost spotless. Ok a few red drops on the sheets, and the imbecilical (sic) cord just fell right of leaving not scar.

  47. tessiee

    For the love of God, don't run the film backwards, or Obama will turn into a fetus, and then the righties will HAVE to vote for him1

  48. Negropolis

    I've been laughin the entire time I've been reading at the comments, both becauses of the comments and the general nature of the video. lol

  49. richmx2

    Well, of course it was released to "Vice"… pathetic as this scam is (was?), VICE is about as pathetic a source as anyone can find. Heck, they're the bozos that put out a gushing report on anti-immigrant vigilantes, never mentioning the leader was a genuine Nazi (http://mexfiles.net/2011/01/05/by-the-way/).

    I suppose it takes bullshitters to recognize bullshit, but I'm not sure why VICE even bothered to put this up, other than they figure even bad PR is better than no PR.

  50. cousinitt

    This movie definitely rivals "Plan O from Beyond the Valley of the Usurpers". I give it five umbilical cords.

  51. Tribbz

    ROFL! I'm so glad my babies weren't so large at birth. Geeze, that lady has birthin' hips!

    Mizrezz Tribbz

  52. Typodong3

    *Donald Trump voice* This birth is going to be HUGE folks… HUGE! Wait…OMG that baby WAS huge! I mean, jesus h. christ, that baby really was huge!

    Oh and, next time you fake an Obama birth video, move less, and go easier on the faked age filters.

  53. zhenjiu

    This reminds one of the footage of alien autopsies: shaky camera work, grainy film stock, enough cleverly placed details to establish a date and/or location…and oh yes, COMPLETELY BOGUS!!!!!!!!

Comments are closed.