This morning, Obama campaign spokeswoman Jen Psaki was on MSNBC (obviously, what with all the socialisms).
Remarking how busy the campaign was, she said that she’d just gotten off the campaign and been able to shower for the first time in two days.
…Wait for it…wait for it…
The Washington Free Beacon decided to go hard on this lady’s vagina-filth and make a thing out of it. (Clip below the fold.)
Future Washington Free Beacon exclusives include “Obama Girls Poo Like Men,” “Unremitting Stream Of Yellowish Liquid Waste Emits From Stephanie Cutter For Minutes A Day” and “Joe Biden’s Armpits Perspire So Much He Needs Anti-Perspirant Like An Animal.”
We kid, we kid, the Free Beacon staff knows all about bodily functions, given the incredible volume of golden shower and scat porn they download.
JOKING, GUYS, COME ON. They download perfectly vanilla porn on work time.
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The Onion has been scripting this entire presidential campaign, all along, right? Right?
Yeah. You finally caught on to that?
I pity the comedy writers at the Onion. How do you make up fictional stories when the real ones unfold right before your eyes and you're convinced you're watching a rerun of that old film, "The Marx Brothers Take Acid."
If i could only find the exact Tom Wolfe quote…but he commented that no matter how wild and extravagant a flight of fancy a writer might come up with, reality will shrink him like a wool sock.
——————————————————
Two minutes later, Google coughed up:
From "Entr'actes and Canapes" in /In Our Time/ by Tom Wolfe:
DESIGNER JEANS
Since the French Revolution clothing styles have provided a classic example
of the trickledown concept. The rich had clothes made by couturiers,
tailors, or designers, and the masses wore knockoffs of same. That held true
until the 1960s, when certain staples of High Bohemia began to be hauled up
the scale from the land of the proles. Tops on the list in the 1970s—and
the greatest testament to how credulity and wealth (i.e., fools and money)
walk tall in our time—were designer jeans. I once indulged in a little (I
thought) hyperbole about "prewashed prefaded two-tone tie-dyed
patched-and-welted velvet-hand elephant-bell hip-hugging blue jeans with a
procession of aluminum studs down the outseams and around the pockets in
back bought for $49.95 at the New Groovissimo boutique." Well, that merely
illustrates Philip Roth's (and Malcolm Muggeridge's) crack about the paucity
of the writer's imagination in the face of the true stories of the twentieth
century. No sooner do you think you have hit upon a piece of Rabelaisian
hyperbole for our times than reality shrinks you like a wool sock. Studded
designer jeans at $49.95 would be cheap."
As you were.
"On the other hand one does not want to arrive “poor-mouthing it” in some outrageous turtleneck and West Eighth Street bell-jean combination, as if one is “funky” and of “the people.”"
– Tom Wolfe, "Radical Chic: That Party at Lenny's", New York magazine
But does she smell good enough to eat?
Is she "blossoming"????
Like a delicious Blooming Onion!
She, no doubt, is ovulating.
Fertile as a turtle.
Well it certain seems like The Onion reported this!
Assume lady lactating.
Yes.
I believe the response is "Nom nom nom".
Or how long can you hold your breath?
Get a snorkel. It's not called "muff-DIVING" for nothing.
Back in the day, I was going out with a lady who had never experienced a real tongue lashing so to speak…told her I could “lick my eyebrows, breath through my asshole, and whistle a tune through my ears”…I learned quickly about powerful thighs and never joke about such a serious subject…
Dude, you are a fucking TREASURE! I'm'a have to use that line. Big hugs, fella. Keep doin' what you do the way only you know how!
I once spent 36 hours flying from Kuala Lumpur to Chicago, I know how she feels.
Kuala Lumpur?
I didn't know those mammals could mate.
The locals often refer to it as "Koala Lumpy."
I spent 44 hours on a second class unreserved train car from Bombay to Calcutta and then "washed" in a public bathroom in the Calcutta train Station. This was however in 1980-I'm sure that train car is just as nice as it was then
Dear god. You are a brave lady.
Sounds pretty bad, but nothing beats six days on the Trans-siberian, platzkart (open compartment), sharing a train car with 30 Tajik mafia appliance market "businessmen" eating goat cheese, cilantro, a two-liter bottle of Ochakovo gin and tonic, and they haven't cleaned the bathroom because the cleaning crew got stuck in the mud.
Brings back memories of my favorite real man's cologne, Six Days on a Troop Train.
BTDT – 1984 but it was a 'First Class' compartment.
Nothing like sitting on the one piece, solid stainless steel toilet in an unheated bathroom while going through Siberia. Shower? With the water tank on top of the train and maybe the 'officiante' will sober up enough to put a piece of coal in the two gallon water heater, if you give her a pack of Marlboro, likelihood is not high.
However, some of the breads and cheeses you get in those little station kiosks are fantastic. Meats? Never saw any.
Stopover somewhere? Because it's only ever taken me around 20 hrs. I think.
you went to -gasp- some foreign country full of foreign people?
This disqualify you from holding any public office !!
"And were your arms ever tired!"
Ironically she seems a little “well-scrubbed” for my tastes.
Dirty is as dirty does…or something like that.
Hope springs eternal, anyhow.
Napoleon was an ancestor of yours, amirite?
Apocrypha! APOCRYPHA!
Women smell disgusting, huh? I bet rent-boys smell like apple pie and cinnamon.
More like Axe Body Wash…
And Lindsay Graham crack[ers].
Assume gal grody
Gail Grody (you misspelled her name) was the original comedienne on Sid Caesar's show who was replaced by Nanette Fabray.
Excuse me, we smell like mandarin oranges with a hint of raspberry.
Not that…I would…fuck.
They actually smell like Polo Cologne and meth sweat, which makes them the olfactory equivilent of the Tea Party wing of the House of Representatives.
… And before you ask, yes. Never paid, but yes I have.
See? I knew that about you.
Blondes smell like fried chicken made from scratch.
Redheads smell like rice pudding with raisins and cinnamon.
Brunettes smell like chicory coffee.
Only someone given over to a reprobate mind would know that.
Aaah… I am letting those waft through my mind. People are looking at me funny.
nothing a little slow cooking won't fix, says NYC policeman
Pre-marinaded.
OT: This guy is almost as cool as Matt Varitek: http://www.firehouse.com/news/10820578/president-…
The President can buy me a jam doughnut any day!
Insert Obama's Jelly Roll joke here.
He can embarrass me in front of a camera any day!
As a matter of fact, I SO want my President to embarrass me in front of a camera. I shall now turn off the lights and fantasize on such possibilities.
"Obama then turned to the Krispy Kreme employees and asked for their names.
One woman said hers was Michelle.
"Love Michelles," Obama said."
Smooth.
Now, compare that smooveness to the Mittbot…
He owns some Michelles. Or is that Micheles?
ICYMI — BatShitKrayKrayMann just called Mitt a socialist. No lie.
"Michelle, you say? **awkwardly pauses to check mental database** "Michelle not found. I know of no human women named 'Michelle'."
**Resume campaign/ pander sub-routine**
"that smooveness"
Are you suggesting that Barry is Smoove B?
Barry is what SmooveB could B if he RLY works at it.
This is many kinds and shades of excellence. He's the president, but he's still a guy. lol
This is how Sarah Palin's fantasy always starts….
Bwhahahaha!
Obama (ringing doorbell): Sarah, did you order any donuts?
Sarah: But, Kirspy Kreme doesn't deliver. BTW, it's Ms. Palin if you're nasty.
Obama: They do now…now watch this shot.
**bow-chick-a-wow-wow**
If Dumbass Bush tried to shoot hoops with a firefighter, he'd fall on his ass within five minutes and be sitting on the sidelines crying within ten.
*mutters disgustedly*
"cutting brush", my ASS!
Don't. Don't get me started. Every day I curse that little shit for all the people who died, or lost loved ones, or just lost their homes, businesses, savings, retirement, health care, hope. That fucker will NEVER be done reincarnating as a cockroach. 18 BILLION LIFETIMES, YOU ASSHOLE!
(sinks back into chair, sweating)
She couldn't smell bad if she tried.
Exactly. If this is supposed to be some kind of high-fiveable gotcha from GOD! then these aging frat dudes (who probably don't smell so good themselves) are demented. They WISH they could get close enough to catch wind of a woman that hot, even if she hadn't bathed for a week after non-stop bouts of Mandingo sex. With votes, that is.
Two days on the plane or no, she still looks way better than L'il Luke or the Ginger Cunt do AFTER the make up ladies have worked on them for 2 or 3 hours.
Well spotted.
I know exactly where Luke Russert's child-mind went too.
♪♫ Ooooh…. I need a dirty woman. Ooooh…. I need a dirty girl. ♫♪
EDIT: Also, forget "dangerous" hot buttons like rape or contraception. Republicans just need to not mention gender, period. Wait, or periods! Damn.
The Washington Flea Beacon hygiene-shames a person whose gender is innately unclean. Way to bully, flea-paper.
So a woman not being able to take a shower is a campaign issue. I guess it's better than the panties issue in one county in Ohio but damn, don't we have real issues to talk about? Jersey Shore made as much sense as this election.
panties issue in one county in Ohio
Um, WTF?
Never mind, I don't think I want to know…
http://wonkette.com/486018/panty-related-rumor-ro…
This is what I'm talking about.
Why didn't my "panties" script alert me to this?
How could I forget that gem…
Assume panties pertinent.
Isn't she required to ring a bell and shout "unclean, unclean" in that horrifying state? Or had she already left Florida?
Doesn't she have to go outside the city gates for a time, as well? What constitutes the biblica ritual cleansing?
Diamanda Galas, Plague Mass.
UNCLEAN!
What the hell are they doing on that plane that she would need to shower after only two days? Drudge, Okeefe, Breitbart? Anybody?
I dunno, man, but I once went two whole fucking months without a shower. Ya don't stink unless you have naturally masculine armpits, but goo does build up.
My personal best is about four or five weeks because it was three straight days on planes and in military waiting rooms from McPherason AFB to a little dust bowl carved out of the dust in a valley in the Central Highlands of Vietnam. The climate is tropical and one day the monsoon season started with a regularity that about late afternoon the deluge would start and continue until mid morning the next day.
I stripped completely, took a bar of soap and went outside. Everyone stared with that look of disgust and fear only properly configured by a late teen in the Army convinced he will go full tilt Quentin Crisp just by seeing a naked man. Must have been true because after a few days dozens would join my late afternoon monsoon shower routine.
Sometimes you had to leave the clothes on just to get THEM washed too. Good thing tropical rains are almost always blood-warm. Yeah, good times. You get awfully itchy all over after a few weeks of not-bathing in the tropical sweat-bath.
I strangely don’t remember how we got our clothes clean in those first few weeks. Soon we were able to hire indigenous personnel, as the military nomenclature was, and they would bundle up everything and go to the base at Pleiku about three miles away and wash them there each day. We were in a small base guarded by two “A” teams and our helicopters were at the air field north of Pleiku. Soon I was transferred to a different unit on a bigger helicopter airfield and we had our fatigues and sheets cleaned every day by the locals who came into the base every morning. Ms. Curley still remembers my comment from 40 years ago when I said I hope I get rich enough to have a new set of sheets every night. “Nevah gunna happen GI.”
Pfft. Everyone knows ladies smell like angels.
Mine always does, damn her eyes. Naturally exudes nice-smelling juice.
Brian Kilmeade rests his case.
Snark off.
I had thought that the big take-away issue from this election would be the huge mistake of polling on land-line phones only, but the unrelenting scapegoating of women, (i.e. rape, pay, abortion, contraception etc.), is all I'll remember.
"polling on land-line phones only"
My iPhone desperately wishes this were true.
Do you have more info on this? I have been looking everywhere!
I don't have accumulated data, but every so often I'll click through to the actual poll results, and I'd say about a third of those I've looked at cite a certain number of mobile respondents (25-35% of the total). So, yeah, they are calling some cells.
Now, as a related anecdote: I live in the 209 area code, which is moderately-red California. I get two or three poll calls a week on my land line. I answered some, but now pretty much ignore them. On the other hand, I have never received a poll call on my mobile, which just happens to still have a 408 area code (Silicon Valley). FWIW, I never ever got a poll call at home during the thirty-some years I lived in San Jose.
Despite the fact that there are several times as many people in the 408 as in the 209, I interpret this to mean that some pollsters (and these mostly off-brand polls) oversample the redder areas of the state.
Veeeery interesting! Thanks!
I live in a hotbed of lefty sentiment and nobody I know who lives in this area has EVER been polled. I'm pretty fucking positive they oversample red and undersample blue.
Check out http://www.electoral-vote.com/evp2012/Info/pollin… for a list of FAQs which include information on Land-line vs. cell phone polling. The Votemaster is Andrew S. Tanenbaum, a professor of computer science at the Vrije Universiteit and an American Citizen. He notes also that polling almost never recognizes the 7 million voters living abroad who are registered and have a much higher turn out then the national or any state race in the US. They also trend strongly democratic although they include military personnel who are said to be trending toward Romney but in much less numbers than for McCain in 2008.
You're a fucking champ, bud. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart and from my wife's bottom.
(old church joke)
It certainly does strike me as a peculiar strategy for garnering votes.
Could turn out that not hiring any Spanish-speaking interviewers was a mistake by the polling entities as well…
They do seem awfully hate-y towards ladies. Way to alienate half the population.
You'd think they'd like ladies. Hells, at least some of 'em were born in bed with ladies.
As 2 year olds!
My Droid has been ringing off the hook. Or it would, if it had a hook.
I get no polling calls on my cell phone, marketing call neither.
I think it is a function of whether one participated in a call that was randomly generated.
Although I have had the same cell number for 12 years, it is assigned to an area code which was just being rolled out at that time.
I don't recall whether there are still cell phone only area codes but that system would seem to be a way to enforce the requirement that marketers not call cell phones.
I also aggressively maintain my numbers on the DoNotCall list and hang up on any marketing or polling calls as soon as I recognize them as recorded.
The later presents a problem as my debit card issuer does that to do its occasional verification of a purchase.
I'm on the "do not call" list, but I read somewhere that political bodies were exempt? Back before I had an unlimited plan, it mattered more. Now with better caller ID I can suss out the evil-doers, as well as hang up at the initial hesitation indicating a robo-call. It'll all be over soon, I keep telling myself…
What type and who must comply with the do not call list is confusing. I’m quite certain the “Press one if you would like …. “ calls are claimed to comply since “We’re not calling the list to sell, we’re calling the list to ask them if they would like to hear about buying our product.”
I think political advertisements/endorsements are exempt, but polls are not.
The Beacon sent a correspondent to cover the first Burning Man. The body was found three years later curled up in the fetal position clutching a bottle of Channel #5. Coroners official cause of death; revulsion.
I remember that story. I spent a week without showering at Burning Man and I smelled like fucking roses.
Sounds painfully thorny.
My 25 yr. old goes every year, and it sounds like hell on earth. (I know, a lot of you love it!)
But when I called 2 weeks after she left, and she said, "well my skin is finally starting to get back to normal…" I thought, WTF?
Nothing like a dried out alkaline lake bed with dust storms!
Always wash a woman well before eating.
They tend to balk a bit as you try to get them in the prep sink but, really, it is worth the extra work.
I'm telling CRE_ature on ya.
The French have always known this culinary trick. They even have a word for it…
Miss en place?
Bidet?
Assume woman washed
When did we start letting semi-socialized 12-year-old boys publish political commentary?
When Rupert Murdoch's dad started his first paper?
Rupert's dad was a fine, fine man. How he produced Rupe, I'll never know. He was an old-fashioned newspaperman, and would plotz if he saw what his son has done.
Same with ol' Sammy Walmart.
A former co-worker originally from Arkansas knew him slightly, and said he was a nice man who treated his employees well.
She had a funny story about how Sam lost a bet, which resulted in him coming in to work wearing a grass skirt and dancing the hula.
It seems we're making the best possible argument for HUGE inheritance taxes.
(Confession: we are. Well, I am, anywho.)
1980
How long have ORielly and Beck had shows?
Are you unaware of what you have been reading here all these years?!
Wonkette 'effin' libel!
This blog has the maturity level of at least a high schooler.
Please. The literacy level alone has to bring it to sophomore, at least.
That would be sophisticatemoor, at least.
You just described the king-makers in the GOP.
With incisive analysis like this, How can their candidate be polling in the high 40's anywhere?
Assume President Black.
Assume pundits puerile.
Assume meme manifold.
I'm sure everyone smells like a Summer's Eve.
Assume dame douched.
go hard on this lady’s vagina-filth
If she's willing I am.
Summer's Eve
Makes me feel fine.
Blowing through the chasms
of my gi-hi-hi-nuh.
I know you won't mind if I steal the whole goddamn thing.
Howls of enjoyable laughter, Bruce!
Damn! Now I've got that song stuck in my miiii-nd.
Are you old enough to remember that song?
LOL, I've always loved that song. It has such a perfect sticky-sweet, harmonious patchouli-and-ganja smoke all wrapped up in a fringed leather jacket kinda vibe.
I wonder if they ever were approached by Proctor and Gamble or whomever to sell it out for a douche commercial.
It's a fucking EARWORM and now it's in my BRAAAAAIIIN!
I've had it with this motherfucking stink on this motherfucking plane!
Remember, the hardest workers are always meticulously shaven, have their business cards embossed with an ivory stock, serif aplenty in the fonts. The card holder has a hint of vanilla, snaps open, and only holds 8 cards, because the holder of this dispensary will only have 8 people worth showing this card to.
It took generations of hard work to earn that suffix: "the Third". Do your family proud.
Don't listen to these women who reek of the sweat of labor. How dare they sully this court!
Well put.
David Brooks, is that you?!
Patrick Bateman approves your message.
Bra-VOH! That's a rant to do ya proud. Didn't know you had it in you.
(doffs hat)
That'll do, Boat. That'll do.
The weird thing is they want to take us back to the days when people only bathed once a week.
That is, coincidentally, the days when we didn't have A/C?
And you shared the bath water with the entire household.
And the moonshine! *hic*
Sis?
Assume baths biweekly.
Did Kid Zoom get a hold of your account or something?
No. But I got VERY little sleep last night.
Assume Dok comatose.
So, you mean yesterday in France?
Ha ha it's like you think non-robber barons are people!
I fucking hate Gilded Age 2.0. At least Andrew Carnegie and J. P. Morgan built some goddamn libraries.
I know, right? At least they built shit, back then. My city still has one of its Carnegie libraries – well, it's not used a library, anymore, but at least it's still standing and in use.
How right you are.
Hey, isn't that a new av? And what's that cat holding?
In related news, Jen Pasaki just received a $10,000 campaign donation from a Japanese businessman.
She looks like a tasty dish.
Ginger tasty!
Anyone want to speculate as to how terrific Sununu smells, after breaking a sweat standing up?
Probably as delicious as Meat Loaf smells while belting out America The Beautiful with Mittens.
Apparently he will do that after all.
I'll take "What is Probably not unlike stale donuts and rentboy jizz" for $200, Alex.
Even after applying an entire can of baby powder to his so-no-no?
"Acrid" is the first word that springs to mind…
"Pachydermic" is second.
"Fungal" for a third, anyone?
I'll see your "fungal," and raise you a "smegmatic." The bet's to you.
Is it like the Doors and Skrillex Break'n a Sweat in San Francisco?
How surprising the Free Bacon does not seem to have comments.
But they do have cooties.
Only three cootie-carriers on a (mostly male) staff of 12.
If only they really did offer free bacon…
I'll settle for reduced price bacon.
Smell's like teen spirit.
Smell's more like hearing, really. It goes, when you get old.
♫ ♬ And I forget just why I taste
Oh, yeah, I guess it makes me smile ♫ ♬
Never had much smell sensitivity, but OTOH I can still hear pretty g … what? what was that?
You know, schizophrenics have a poor sense of smell. Or so I've heard. (edges carefully towards door)
The difference between a little arousing funk (good) and a powerful stink (bad!) is the person putting it out. Pretty, smart ladies (or fellows–your choice) with good attitudes never smell bad. They can't. It's impossible.
[applies equally to men and women/ I'm no vag-o-phobe]: once you get past the smell, you got it licked.
DTIDSWYDT.
If we've learned nothing else in this campaign, we've learned that the Repugs truly believe their Mitt don't stink…
It is common knowledge that rightwing hangouts, conservative workplaces and GOP offices are all covered and sterilized under the Pheromone Free Act of 1958.
The implication is that the poor dear did not even squat over a bidet after the Kenyan Usurper hit it. Disgusting!!!1!
Of course I read that as "free bacon."
Of course I read that as "free bacon sammiches" Now that she's all warshed up and purdy.
Speaking of which — where's Baconzgood these days? Is he slaving away over a hot new job?
Yes. I b'leev he started this very Monday.
After a brief (~ 30 sec.) perusal, I choose to read it as The Freebie Con.
Mmmmmmm… stinky bacon
Y'all must be RLY missing our favourite piglet, Baconzgood.
While I hope all the best for Mr. Baconz, I'm just a really big fan of bacon. Wright Brand applewood smoked, to be more precise.
I'm not fussy. I'll eat anything that's got pig in it.
Good thing I wasn't born Muslim or Jewish, huh?
Damn it, now I must make a bacon on sourdough sammich.
This would stop you?
I always do. And it would be a better business model for them.
Seriously, this campaign can't end soon enought for me. It's crossed over from being horrible to being inexplicably surreal.
Brace yourself for ten more days of free fire zone. Sorry.
I wonder if the carpets smell like the drapes.
"Femi-Breeze. It's The Only Way To Be Sure."
Fur-Breeze might work too.
Kitteh pix or GTFO!
Free Beacon!?! I thought it said Free Bacon. Crap!
You're right. It is free crap.
It's a well-known secret that women who smell like bacon perfume get more guys…
Brian Williams has been flying with Obama for 48 hours and I don't the Washington Free Beacon complaining about ballsack smell.
Yet.
Ballsack smell is still way superior to vagina-filth. You're a GUY and you don't know this? Hmmm. (eyes Schmannity VERY suspiciously)
Yo, I'm a guy and I got some serious reservations about your assumption here.
'Tain't mine. (heh heh heh)
I'm channeling the GOP.
I offend myself after 2 days
Us hippies don't mind.
To this day when I catch a whiff of patchouli oil and body odor, I have an urge to drop acid and braid armpit hair…wait… what was the question?
This reminds me: whatever became of Jeff Gannon?
I think Rove sold him to a group of Chinese businessmen…
I assumed that Rove either had him killed or was still shacking up with him.
My theory would still be the most humane option…
CRE posted a clip of sea lice eating a pig down to the bone. I'd report Karl missing, but I don't care enough.
So, killed, then, rather than shacking up?
I'd hit that.
Duh.
Eh, fuck them. The only reason I clicked on this is that I thought it said " Washington Free Bacon." Moocher!!
I'm confused. Is this rag supposed to be a beacon for fleas? Or a beacon for freepers? Or a beacon for people who mistype bacon?
I cannot blame you, Internet Spouse of Indeterminate Gender, for wondering. I myself was somewhat mystified.
Hello, Dear.
Schmeckalah, sweetie!
Pheromone Libel!
Showered after two days? Must be germ-phobic.
Nothing is more important right now than Meatloaf's rendition of America the Beautiful.
The guy from "Rocky Horror"???
The guy who refused to participate in the final nude scene, in the original run of Hair.
Thus earning the gratitude of a nation.
That was a long time ago, Son. Nothing good can come from stirring all that up now.
Yessir.
Assume Meatloaf moron.
Assume perplexed poster … wtf am I missing?
Meatloaf and some of his friends climbed onstage at a Romney rally to sing "America The Beautiful" in the most hideously offkey out of tune rendition EVAH. Romney campaign has tried to pull it so no one can witness the horror. I think RawStory has it up, tho.
Meatloaf looks really wasted in the video.
For someone with a shockingly (almost classical) decent tenor voice, he sounds ridiculous.
(I love watching the Mittbot is struggle to save face.)
Assume deer dead
Assume Miss taken.
Aha … missed that one. Added my own belated contribution.
I'll certainly be praying for the end of time if Romney gets elected.
SweetLawdyJebus I like to about DIED. How is it possible for multiple professional musicians to sing the SAME FUCKING SONG so hideously off key and out of time? WITH EACH OTHER?
"… so hideously off key and out of time?"
I have no idea why they support Mitt. They didn't sing very well either.
Maybe the problem is in your use of the term "professional"?
Meatloaf has only ever made a living from his music and some small acting roles, and the other three louts were with him.
Oh. I get it. OK.
Why did the alto stand outside in the rain all night?
She never knows when to come in, and can't find her key anyway.
Tee-hee, Church Choir Jokes! What did you bring for the potluck?
I went to a music conservatory (singer), and I have a million of them.
(The best compliment I got there was when someone thought I was a violinist instead of a singer.)
Allow me to worship at your feeties. Srsly. The human voice is the basis of all music. Do you still sing professionally?
Well, to be fair, Chuck Norris and Jenna Jameson really can't be considered professional musicians; and Ted Nugent and Hank Williams… kinda suck.
I think Mr. Loaf has finally met the gravy. Not that it's much of a song anyway. Growing up in England, I was under the impression that your national anthem is "This Land Is Your Land". It beats the heck out of the real anthem and and all your other patriotic songs. Why don't you adopt it? To be fair, we should toss out "God Save The King/Queen" in favour of "Jerusalem", because Joseph of Arimathea taking a vacation in Glastonbury is historical fact.
Upfisted specifically for "Mr. Loaf".
Also, I think "America the Beautiful" would be a very nice anthem.
Upfisted for upfisting "Mr. Loaf."
Yeah and for "Amercia the Beautiful" and such as, too.
Recursive upfists all the way down. Also, too, I quite like "America the Beautiful". If they wanted to sing that during the seventh-inning stretch instead of the annoying GBA, I'd take my fucking hat off.
My criterion for a good anthem is "can you sing it in the shower?" Because that's the only place I'm allowed to sing.
Then, despite the advice given in the cracked article, you would have to shower every day, in order to sing every day.
You *do* sing every day, right?
Wasn't "This Land is Your Land" written by Woody Guthrie? A lovely thought, and it make sense, but he was much too librul. It would never fly.
What about "Ailce's Restaurant," which was written by his son, Arlo Guthrie? Also quinetssentially Merican.
And, I believe, TLIYL was written at least partly as a response to "God Bless America".
Both accurate, and both decried by Wingnuts as evidence that Woody was a bad person.
That's what Springsteen says in a live rendition. Also mentions that fact as being in Joe Klien's bio of Guthrie. Haven't read the book yet. However a few years ago the Library of Congress included it in their collection and the Smithsonian seems to posses the original manuscript. Recently the recordings of Moe Asch, who recorded many of the folk artists from Guthrie generation, were released with what is considered the oldest recording by Guthrie from 1940. Overall I don't think that Irving Berlin's lyrics were as offensive, just not directed to the common man, but at the time Guthrie would have been hearing Kate Smith's version of God Bless America opening and closing her radio show every day.
so much depends
upon
a red-faced
belter
glazed with slick
man-sweat
beside the white
Mormons.
That is fucking awesome. I am impressed.
Assume Kincaid conqers
Speaking of, I hope Harry Reid was wearing clean magic underwear today…
The important thing — is his car okay? He seems to be a little accident prone after he got that shiner while out jogging in 2011.
The real question, though, is how does this affect Sarah Lou Palin?
You know what? Laugh at your Mom all you want. The ONE TIME I didn't listen to the bitch and put on clean underpants, I got hit by a car.
Moms have DA POWER!
Hey MB…how be da knees?
Fucked, darlz. I'm not complaining too much, anaconda it seems like that's all I ever fucking do, but there might be some major nerve damage. I can't put any weight on it without it buckling. Eh, life's like that.
How's by you, old friend? Long time no see.
that sucks dood…I'm going to find out tomorrow if my knees will hold up to an event photo shoot…I did a small one a few weeks ago…three days at Keystone Resort…I did ok but it was a week before I felt “normal”. I 've been looking forward to this one…It is an annual Karate tournament…My eyes tear up in pain just watching what these folks do to their knees…and feet…and hands…but the grandkid and Mrs. are competing and it is good…plus I get paid…and I get to meet world karate champions and blah belts…and watch the Mrs. whoop up on some one else for a change…I met the women's Gold Medalist from the World Karate Championship in Brazil this summer…what a terrific person…wants me to do a “Fashion Shoot” with her…My chin hit the floor when she said that…anyway sure wish I could help ya…Keep on keeping on my friend…photos in a few days…Robert Soby
It is fate I laugh at, not Mom. I go commando…
That's all good then. You'll NEVER get hit by a car.
Wut? Murphy's Law, dood.
I hate it when things get a little too, shall we say, mungy?
Assume muff manky.
Assume twat waffled.
Muff Manky was a 3rd Baseman for the 1926 White Sox.
You mean "not too fresh down there"?
I've been known to drink the mungy. Tea, that is.
Hey, if there are no flies buzzing around down there, and you don't pass out if you're in the elevator with her, no harm no foul, in my reckoning.
Assume vadge virtuous
Athume puthy perfect.
Wewease Wobbin!
Wewease Wodderick!
All of these should be translated into Latin.
Hillz would probably take exception to this rule.
Is there no bidet on the plane? Or "Air Force One Wipes" at least?
Obama – Bidet 2012!
Bidet light come
And me want to go home
I have had it with these motherfucking snakes in this mother-fucking bidet!
There's lots of bacteria in jism.
C'mon, rapists should know this already…
There is also, apparently, a substance that stimulates ovulation, according to this fortnight's issue of ScienceNews, anyway. Thereby increasing the likelihood that a woman who is raped will become pregnant as a result. Srsly.
Off topic, but there are some funny damn reviews here http://www.amazon.com/Avery-Durable-Binder-EZ-Tur…
Assume binders borked.
Whose pants do you think smell better — Barry's trousers or Willard's magic mom jeans?
Oh, please. Barry's trousers smell of chocolate muffins. Willard's magic mom jeans smell of cordury, old cheese, and stale farts.
OT but funny, Mitt-bott still struggling to talk like the humans, speaking in some swing state today: "And those things will determine the most important and intimate things in our lives, the lives of our homes, our families, our loved ones."
Mitt's very concerned about the lives of his homes.
He just wants to put food on his family.
He just wants to practice his love on women.
He doesn't *have* any.
I'm glad the lovely Ms Psaki is keeping so busy, and hope that her work proves completely successful.
Well, depending on the TYPE of vagina-filth she's producing … I mean, we all earned our RedWings, right?
I never suspected you were an Angel.
Of a very sanguine variety.
Clarification pls.: Work boots or hockey team?
If you have to ask you may already have missed out on the best sex of your life.
Pls., for humor purposes only. As indicated just below. Or "underneath."
Yes, but approached the objective from the north. Is that cheating?
Honestly, you know, sometimes you don't care if she smells like a hamster.
As long as you care if she is or isn't a hamster.
Hamster, gerbil, what does it matter? Wrapped in duct tape, all small rodents look the same.
Maybe I do smell a bit like elderberries.
Caveat: Beware of Lindsay Lohan.
Hamsters smell nice! Er … not that I would KNOW or anything. I mean … (looks around, runs out of room)
According to this article, showering daily doesn't kill bacteria/micro-organisms, it just moves them around, which is why doctors in many hospitals are not allowed to shower right before operating.
http://www.cracked.com/article_19121_7-basic-thin…
I see you get your sciencey news from the same source I do, long live cracked.
Tx, t
I liked the scoop on the poop.
Last #7 photog – point 'em down and let 'em buck, On a double diamond run it may scare the shidski outta ya.
I can't wait until this horrible campaign is over, and we can go back to calling Nobammers a radical leftist socialist and pretending that the Republicans wouldn't have been considered nuts even in the 1880s.
didn't Todd Akin say that dames got an automatic cleansing something down there?
You know, with everything they've said recently, you'd almost think conservatives hated women or something…
*Almost.*
OT
Here's a sweet way to start your weekend. Nate Silver's 10/26/12 closing number is Bamz 74.4% and rising while Miffed is at 25.6% and sinking.
/ ♪♫ tra la ♫♪ dances off to the evening
Weej, you're the best. (Have a wonderful Friday.)
Thanks emmel. Your very, very special as well.
Cannot. Sink. Fast. Enough.
Romentum is bullshit. The polls didn't really move despite Obama's nightmare debate performance.
http://election.princeton.edu/2012/10/26/ro-mentu…
sweet
Mmmm….free bacon…mmmm
BTW, my favorite scat porn involves Lady Ella Fitzgerald giving us the money ear shot.
Roo-bop-shoo-bop-bop!
Amen to that.
By the way, Mr. Jesse Taylor, auto-playing videos with sound are the work of the Devil!!
Could I urge everyone to upfist this? The whole population of Wonkette, please, all 666,000,000 of you? It plays merry hell with download times over the lousy connection in my watering hole.
Even worse, it interferes w/ the music to which I'm listening.
Plus which also there is a website where these Mighty Sorry, No Body Cares videos can be found & clipped & shared, so you don't have somebody else's stupid logo on it & it will be in higher def & the proper aspect ratio.
And you won't be giving clicks or bandwidth to scum like the Bill Kristol son-in-law vanity project.
Here. Or here, ||even.
I have very fast connection but still am borked and also too cats HATE fucking autoplay. And I NEED my cats to stay warm, goddammit.
And even I try to avoid doing it.
When the devil himself won't endorse something, you KNOW it's bad.
That's very … meta.
*preen*
Hey Gang, think we'll livebloog the Wisc Senate debate? It starts a 8 Central, i.e. in 5 minutes. This may or may not work: http://www.wkow.com/category/210335/live-streamin…
Also,
Assume Tommy tanked.
Also, Beer here!
"So, Tommy, tell me about the time, last week, when you literally sold your shares in the Iranian Uranium consortium". haha buh bye
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/25/tommy-th…
HAHAHAHA ohgod, my fantasies.
Are you holding John Wayne's hand? Or is that the Dead Hand of the Free Market?
Now you mention it, the hand does look a bit weird. In a larger version — it still looks weird. John Wayne is from the ending of the Bonzos' 11 Mustachioed Daughters. And your fantasies are what? If you wouldn't mind sharing.
Ah! I did not recognize him in your scrunched-up size, fella. But yes, that hand appears somewhat disproportionately large (consider the scale to the face) and the skull directly beneath the pink palm looks, unfortunately, like a shirt cuff. Doesn't it, now?
Nice try, Herr Koch! Way to burn that possibly yehudi fraulein.
But your Free Bacon will never be the rape-paper that Ghost Breitbart's organization is. Do you have an O'Queefe rape-boat? I think not.
Washington Free Beacon. I'm quite sure Daddy-in-law is paying for junior's "jerb".
So, I'm watching "Mockingbird Lane", which is a remake of the old Munsters show. Eddie Izzard as Grandpa Munster?
Awesome.
Eddie Izzard as anything, in anything?
Awesome.
Can I be a total douchebucket and say that Grandpa's last name shouldn't be Munster? He's Lily's dad, not Herman's. They did this with the original show as well IT MAKES NO SENSE unless Herman took Lily's name when they got married and who does that? Not even my hippie friends.
Unless Herman and Lily are also siblings.
But then, I haven't yet figured out how a Frankenstein and a vampire produced a werewolf son, either.
You hangin' out wit da wrong hippies. Many of my hippie/SNAG friends took wifey's lat name, or made one up. (His'nhers last names, so cute. KAWAII!)
OMG. How's come no one told me about this show? Hmm? And why aren't I in this show?
Oh, wait…Gomez!
And then he sang this song- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGVShoAWp00&fe…
Uh … actually …
You say Fibonacci, I say Fibognocchi. Let's call the whole Fibofucking thing off.
Wanna good laugh? Watch this. This is the model republican , FoxNews' ideal target audience, the perfect GOP voter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed…!
I believe she said George Thorogood is the jewish billionaire behind all the "riots in wallstreet." Oh……I'm so dead inside now.
Pinche, man, you fucking curdled the milk in my tea. Right now I feel like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. I WANT TO POOP ON THAT STUPID WOMAN!
I'm a giver.
Oh, you want to poop on her too? Be my guest.
If we can convince her that scat showers are Constitutional , then I'm game.
hey! anybody going to WI tomorrow? to canvass?
i would love some support!
I'm here, but I only canvass in bars.
which one?
Bathe her and bring her to my tent…..No, wait, just bring her to my tent right fucking now!
I guess I can wait for double sloppy seconds.
No damage. It will stretch a mile before it tears an inch.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
I think I would find the strength to endure her presence. Who am I kidding. She would look at me like something that is stuck to the bottom of her shoe.
hmmmmm, dirty gingers.
Hey, now…
<–squeaky clean ginger
Why are ALL the gay boys on here *gingers*?
Sheer good fortune? ;0)
Her I like, her character I'm having a difficult time masturbating to…
OT: absolutely lovely "Weekend Edition" story on Pete Seeger, who at 93 is still as wonderful as ever, craggy age-cracked voice and all. And he's just released two new albums.
Thank you, Dok. Ever the educator.
Love Pete Seeger.
I believe that C_R_ is on the coast waiting for Sandy. Any other Wonketeers hunkering down?
Not Bruce
[Just for a change]
The storm started passing us by yesterday. Still VERY windy (up to 30+ mph), drizzly, rip currents, etc., but s'posed to be dying down by tonight, when Sandy will have moved north of us…
Don't our friends on the right think that all women are unclean? Well, except for Donna Reed. And Nancy Reagan.
nancy reagan: the clean blow job queen.
My favorite moment of ironic campaign misogyny still has to be when Ann "Women Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote" Coulter complained about how Joe Biden's debate performance offended her delicate female sensibilities.
Obligatory girl-stink anthem.
Oh, ew. Only "cat butt" can top THAT.
I'll drop you "prolapsed".
"CRE posted a clip of sea lice eating a pig down to the bone."
I'm almost positive that there was a time when I would have found that statement disturbing.
Sununununu flop sweat?
*
[that's a cat butt]
Before this campaign, perhaps?
We were ALL more human, oncet.
What your vomit smells like if you eat yourself sick on bleu cheese and kimchee.
Assume Zoom zzzzzzzzzz
Not a day passes without a stirring rendition of Red Flag.
Assume the position.
Flat on your back.
(Hugs Dok) Catch up on your sleep tonight, OK?
Jesus, fella. You are REALLY sick.
(gazes at Lascauxcaveman admiringly)
Make me one too. You know, while you're up.
Naaah. Some of my best Muslim friends come all the way to this country to enjoy a good ham sandwich.
BKR. Before Karl Rove.
…says the Borg.
That's beautiful.
Annndd, we're back to the menstruation humor?
Yes, it is! I recognized it immediately, since I seem to spend most of my life staring at them. Why do the little fuckers think I want to see their assholes, anyway?
Eh, The Borg will get most of us. It's not so bad, being assimilated.
Y'know, the Labour party conference used to end with the singing of the Red Flag until the twit Blair decided "we don't do socialism anymore". I shall die an old and embittered man. Embittered, anyway.
Focus groups/
Huuuge. Like 100% over 10M.
He's not looking good at all. I always thought he had an amazing voice, great range, power, but he lost his singing voice twice, at least once due to "psychological reasons." Like, you know, ColombianMarchingPowder. Looks like he's lost it again. And yes, watching Mitt squirm is surely worth the price of admission.
Gotta keep that such as, too coming.
That sounds so cool, dood! I'll be fine, nothing some PT and painkillers and rest won't fix eventually, I'm sure. It could always be worse.
I'm really thrilled to hear that you scored a paid gig! It helps me to hear stuff like that. Keeps me from bitching about life. It's really not so bad for me, I shouldn't complain. I have my home, I grew bucketfuls of heirloom tomatoes this year. Best crop in years, and they all tasted like some strange rare fruit, sweeter than plums. Grew a ton of vegetables. Looks like I could feed two families on my produce if I set it up right. Finally broke down and bought a camera. Haven't used one for years, so I'm learning all over again. It's good. Send me a link to the pix when they're done, I'd love to see them! Maybe I'll learn something!
Also too, my respectful greetings to your Mrs. (She has a blah belt? Yow.)
I'm down wit dat. Coz I know you saw that piece on all those billionaires' kids partying down and living the high life on their untaxed, unearned inheritances.
Nah, I'm not a professional. Didn't have the single-minded focus for it. To be a singer, you have to want it more than anything else in the world, and be in love with the sound of your own voice. Talent is not enough. DRIVE is the most important thing. I wanted too many other things.
But I did go to school with Renee Fleming, who was treated like shit, and only given small roles in operas. I was happy to see that she didn't even list our school (Eastman school of Music), in her bio. Bitter? Me?
I'm a composer, and teach in a quasi-conservatory. That's a great Renee Fleming story, and conforms perfectly with my experience that resentful old failures make the rules for the talented.
Assume Gannon ganked.
(Sorry, I couldn't resist one).
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