HE WHO REPORTED THE SMELL DEALT IT  4:09 pm October 26, 2012

Washington Free Beacon Super Squicked Out By Stinky Girls

by Jesse Taylor

the eic of the free beacon poses with two white children

This morning, Obama campaign spokeswoman Jen Psaki was on MSNBC (obviously, what with all the socialisms).

Remarking how busy the campaign was, she said that she’d just gotten off the campaign and been able to shower for the first time in two days.

…Wait for it…wait for it…

The Washington Free Beacon decided to go hard on this lady’s vagina-filth and make a thing out of it. (Clip below the fold.)

Future Washington Free Beacon exclusives include “Obama Girls Poo Like Men,” “Unremitting Stream Of Yellowish Liquid Waste Emits From Stephanie Cutter For Minutes A Day” and “Joe Biden’s Armpits Perspire So Much He Needs Anti-Perspirant Like An Animal.”

We kid, we kid, the Free Beacon staff knows all about bodily functions, given the incredible volume of golden shower and scat porn they download.

JOKING, GUYS, COME ON. They download perfectly vanilla porn on work time.

[Washington Free Beacon]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 420 comments }

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:12 pm

The Onion has been scripting this entire presidential campaign, all along, right? Right?

MacRaith October 26, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Yeah. You finally caught on to that?

DustyBowlBlues October 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I pity the comedy writers at the Onion. How do you make up fictional stories when the real ones unfold right before your eyes and you're convinced you're watching a rerun of that old film, "The Marx Brothers Take Acid."

GeneralLerong October 26, 2012 at 6:43 pm

If i could only find the exact Tom Wolfe quote…but he commented that no matter how wild and extravagant a flight of fancy a writer might come up with, reality will shrink him like a wool sock.
——————————————————
Two minutes later, Google coughed up:

From "Entr'actes and Canapes" in /In Our Time/ by Tom Wolfe:

DESIGNER JEANS
Since the French Revolution clothing styles have provided a classic example
of the trickledown concept. The rich had clothes made by couturiers,
tailors, or designers, and the masses wore knockoffs of same. That held true
until the 1960s, when certain staples of High Bohemia began to be hauled up
the scale from the land of the proles. Tops on the list in the 1970s—and
the greatest testament to how credulity and wealth (i.e., fools and money)
walk tall in our time—were designer jeans. I once indulged in a little (I
thought) hyperbole about "prewashed prefaded two-tone tie-dyed
patched-and-welted velvet-hand elephant-bell hip-hugging blue jeans with a
procession of aluminum studs down the outseams and around the pockets in
back bought for $49.95 at the New Groovissimo boutique." Well, that merely
illustrates Philip Roth's (and Malcolm Muggeridge's) crack about the paucity
of the writer's imagination in the face of the true stories of the twentieth
century. No sooner do you think you have hit upon a piece of Rabelaisian
hyperbole for our times than reality shrinks you like a wool sock. Studded
designer jeans at $49.95 would be cheap."

As you were.

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 7:01 pm

"On the other hand one does not want to arrive “poor-mouthing it” in some outrageous turtleneck and West Eighth Street bell-jean combination, as if one is “funky” and of “the people.”"
– Tom Wolfe, "Radical Chic: That Party at Lenny's", New York magazine

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 4:14 pm

But does she smell good enough to eat?

zumpie October 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Is she "blossoming"????

elviouslyqueer October 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Like a delicious Blooming Onion!

Radiotherapy October 26, 2012 at 4:32 pm

She, no doubt, is ovulating.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Fertile as a turtle.

zumpie October 26, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Well it certain seems like The Onion reported this!

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Assume lady lactating.

Barrelhse October 26, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Yes.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I believe the response is "Nom nom nom".

Jimmyone October 26, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Or how long can you hold your breath?

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Get a snorkel. It's not called "muff-DIVING" for nothing.

Jimmyone October 29, 2012 at 11:42 am

Back in the day, I was going out with a lady who had never experienced a real tongue lashing so to speak…told her I could “lick my eyebrows, breath through my asshole, and whistle a tune through my ears”…I learned quickly about powerful thighs and never joke about such a serious subject…

MittBorg October 29, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Dude, you are a fucking TREASURE! I'm'a have to use that line. Big hugs, fella. Keep doin' what you do the way only you know how!

nounverb911 October 26, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I once spent 36 hours flying from Kuala Lumpur to Chicago, I know how she feels.

Jus_Wonderin October 26, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Kuala Lumpur?

I didn't know those mammals could mate.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:58 pm

The locals often refer to it as "Koala Lumpy."

finallyhappy October 26, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I spent 44 hours on a second class unreserved train car from Bombay to Calcutta and then "washed" in a public bathroom in the Calcutta train Station. This was however in 1980-I'm sure that train car is just as nice as it was then

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Dear god. You are a brave lady.

kyeshinka October 26, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Sounds pretty bad, but nothing beats six days on the Trans-siberian, platzkart (open compartment), sharing a train car with 30 Tajik mafia appliance market "businessmen" eating goat cheese, cilantro, a two-liter bottle of Ochakovo gin and tonic, and they haven't cleaned the bathroom because the cleaning crew got stuck in the mud.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 26, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Brings back memories of my favorite real man's cologne, Six Days on a Troop Train.

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 9:21 am

BTDT – 1984 but it was a 'First Class' compartment.
Nothing like sitting on the one piece, solid stainless steel toilet in an unheated bathroom while going through Siberia. Shower? With the water tank on top of the train and maybe the 'officiante' will sober up enough to put a piece of coal in the two gallon water heater, if you give her a pack of Marlboro, likelihood is not high.

However, some of the breads and cheeses you get in those little station kiosks are fantastic. Meats? Never saw any.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Stopover somewhere? Because it's only ever taken me around 20 hrs. I think.

arihaya October 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm

you went to -gasp- some foreign country full of foreign people?

This disqualify you from holding any public office !!

Barrelhse October 26, 2012 at 9:03 pm

"And were your arms ever tired!"

Goonemeritus October 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Ironically she seems a little “well-scrubbed” for my tastes.

kittensdontlie October 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Dirty is as dirty does…or something like that.

HogeyeGrex October 26, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Hope springs eternal, anyhow.

GeneralLerong October 26, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Napoleon was an ancestor of yours, amirite?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Apocrypha! APOCRYPHA!

doloras October 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Women smell disgusting, huh? I bet rent-boys smell like apple pie and cinnamon.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:18 pm

More like Axe Body Wash…

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

And Lindsay Graham crack[ers].

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Assume gal grody

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Gail Grody (you misspelled her name) was the original comedienne on Sid Caesar's show who was replaced by Nanette Fabray.

Fare la Volpe October 26, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Excuse me, we smell like mandarin oranges with a hint of raspberry.

Not that…I would…fuck.

Tommmcatt_Again October 26, 2012 at 8:46 pm

They actually smell like Polo Cologne and meth sweat, which makes them the olfactory equivilent of the Tea Party wing of the House of Representatives.

… And before you ask, yes. Never paid, but yes I have.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:03 pm

See? I knew that about you.

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Blondes smell like fried chicken made from scratch.
Redheads smell like rice pudding with raisins and cinnamon.
Brunettes smell like chicory coffee.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Only someone given over to a reprobate mind would know that.

FeloniousMonk October 26, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Aaah… I am letting those waft through my mind. People are looking at me funny.

mavenmaven October 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm

nothing a little slow cooking won't fix, says NYC policeman

HogeyeGrex October 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Pre-marinaded.

shelwood46 October 26, 2012 at 4:17 pm

OT: This guy is almost as cool as Matt Varitek: http://www.firehouse.com/news/10820578/president-

finallyhappy October 26, 2012 at 4:23 pm

The President can buy me a jam doughnut any day!

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Insert Obama's Jelly Roll joke here.

EatFrankRich October 26, 2012 at 5:30 pm

He can embarrass me in front of a camera any day!

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:15 pm

As a matter of fact, I SO want my President to embarrass me in front of a camera. I shall now turn off the lights and fantasize on such possibilities.

iTuna October 26, 2012 at 4:28 pm

"Obama then turned to the Krispy Kreme employees and asked for their names.

One woman said hers was Michelle.

"Love Michelles," Obama said."

Smooth.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Now, compare that smooveness to the Mittbot…

Biff October 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

He owns some Michelles. Or is that Micheles?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:15 pm

ICYMI — BatShitKrayKrayMann just called Mitt a socialist. No lie.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 8:44 pm

"Michelle, you say? **awkwardly pauses to check mental database** "Michelle not found. I know of no human women named 'Michelle'."

AlterNewt October 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

**Resume campaign/ pander sub-routine**

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 10:37 pm

"that smooveness"

Are you suggesting that Barry is Smoove B?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Barry is what SmooveB could B if he RLY works at it.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Obama met about 20 firefighters and asked for their names and years of service. One firefighter held up a basketball and asked the president whether he wanted to shoot hoops behind the station.

"After we're done," Obama said. "I don't want to embarrass you in front of the cameras."

But Obama rolled up his sleeves and played.

This is many kinds and shades of excellence. He's the president, but he's still a guy. lol

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 8:49 pm

This is how Sarah Palin's fantasy always starts….

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Bwhahahaha!

Obama (ringing doorbell): Sarah, did you order any donuts?

Sarah: But, Kirspy Kreme doesn't deliver. BTW, it's Ms. Palin if you're nasty.

Obama: They do now…now watch this shot.

**bow-chick-a-wow-wow**

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 10:40 pm

If Dumbass Bush tried to shoot hoops with a firefighter, he'd fall on his ass within five minutes and be sitting on the sidelines crying within ten.
*mutters disgustedly*
"cutting brush", my ASS!

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Don't. Don't get me started. Every day I curse that little shit for all the people who died, or lost loved ones, or just lost their homes, businesses, savings, retirement, health care, hope. That fucker will NEVER be done reincarnating as a cockroach. 18 BILLION LIFETIMES, YOU ASSHOLE!

(sinks back into chair, sweating)

SoBeach October 26, 2012 at 4:18 pm

She couldn't smell bad if she tried.

mrblifil October 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Exactly. If this is supposed to be some kind of high-fiveable gotcha from GOD! then these aging frat dudes (who probably don't smell so good themselves) are demented. They WISH they could get close enough to catch wind of a woman that hot, even if she hadn't bathed for a week after non-stop bouts of Mandingo sex. With votes, that is.

zumpie October 26, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Two days on the plane or no, she still looks way better than L'il Luke or the Ginger Cunt do AFTER the make up ladies have worked on them for 2 or 3 hours.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Well spotted.

sudsmckenzie October 26, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I know exactly where Luke Russert's child-mind went too.

BornInATrailer October 26, 2012 at 4:18 pm

♪♫ Ooooh…. I need a dirty woman. Ooooh…. I need a dirty girl. ♫♪

EDIT: Also, forget "dangerous" hot buttons like rape or contraception. Republicans just need to not mention gender, period. Wait, or periods! Damn.

mwittier October 26, 2012 at 4:19 pm

The Washington Flea Beacon hygiene-shames a person whose gender is innately unclean. Way to bully, flea-paper.

snowpointsecret October 26, 2012 at 4:19 pm

So a woman not being able to take a shower is a campaign issue. I guess it's better than the panties issue in one county in Ohio but damn, don't we have real issues to talk about? Jersey Shore made as much sense as this election.

Callyson October 26, 2012 at 4:26 pm

panties issue in one county in Ohio

Um, WTF?

Never mind, I don't think I want to know…

snowpointsecret October 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm

http://wonkette.com/486018/panty-related-rumor-ro

This is what I'm talking about.

Biff October 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Why didn't my "panties" script alert me to this?

Callyson October 26, 2012 at 5:17 pm

How could I forget that gem…

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Assume panties pertinent.

SayItWithWookies October 26, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Isn't she required to ring a bell and shout "unclean, unclean" in that horrifying state? Or had she already left Florida?

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Doesn't she have to go outside the city gates for a time, as well? What constitutes the biblica ritual cleansing?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Diamanda Galas, Plague Mass.

UNCLEAN!

rickmaci October 26, 2012 at 4:20 pm

What the hell are they doing on that plane that she would need to shower after only two days? Drudge, Okeefe, Breitbart? Anybody?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:20 pm

I dunno, man, but I once went two whole fucking months without a shower. Ya don't stink unless you have naturally masculine armpits, but goo does build up.

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

My personal best is about four or five weeks because it was three straight days on planes and in military waiting rooms from McPherason AFB to a little dust bowl carved out of the dust in a valley in the Central Highlands of Vietnam. The climate is tropical and one day the monsoon season started with a regularity that about late afternoon the deluge would start and continue until mid morning the next day.

I stripped completely, took a bar of soap and went outside. Everyone stared with that look of disgust and fear only properly configured by a late teen in the Army convinced he will go full tilt Quentin Crisp just by seeing a naked man. Must have been true because after a few days dozens would join my late afternoon monsoon shower routine.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Sometimes you had to leave the clothes on just to get THEM washed too. Good thing tropical rains are almost always blood-warm. Yeah, good times. You get awfully itchy all over after a few weeks of not-bathing in the tropical sweat-bath.

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I strangely don’t remember how we got our clothes clean in those first few weeks. Soon we were able to hire indigenous personnel, as the military nomenclature was, and they would bundle up everything and go to the base at Pleiku about three miles away and wash them there each day. We were in a small base guarded by two “A” teams and our helicopters were at the air field north of Pleiku. Soon I was transferred to a different unit on a bigger helicopter airfield and we had our fatigues and sheets cleaned every day by the locals who came into the base every morning. Ms. Curley still remembers my comment from 40 years ago when I said I hope I get rich enough to have a new set of sheets every night. “Nevah gunna happen GI.”

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Pfft. Everyone knows ladies smell like angels.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Mine always does, damn her eyes. Naturally exudes nice-smelling juice.

Mumbletypeg October 26, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Brian Kilmeade rests his case.

DemmeFatale October 26, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Snark off.
I had thought that the big take-away issue from this election would be the huge mistake of polling on land-line phones only, but the unrelenting scapegoating of women, (i.e. rape, pay, abortion, contraception etc.), is all I'll remember.

BornInATrailer October 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"polling on land-line phones only"

My iPhone desperately wishes this were true.

DemmeFatale October 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Do you have more info on this? I have been looking everywhere!

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I don't have accumulated data, but every so often I'll click through to the actual poll results, and I'd say about a third of those I've looked at cite a certain number of mobile respondents (25-35% of the total). So, yeah, they are calling some cells.

Now, as a related anecdote: I live in the 209 area code, which is moderately-red California. I get two or three poll calls a week on my land line. I answered some, but now pretty much ignore them. On the other hand, I have never received a poll call on my mobile, which just happens to still have a 408 area code (Silicon Valley). FWIW, I never ever got a poll call at home during the thirty-some years I lived in San Jose.

Despite the fact that there are several times as many people in the 408 as in the 209, I interpret this to mean that some pollsters (and these mostly off-brand polls) oversample the redder areas of the state.

DemmeFatale October 26, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Veeeery interesting! Thanks!

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I live in a hotbed of lefty sentiment and nobody I know who lives in this area has EVER been polled. I'm pretty fucking positive they oversample red and undersample blue.

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 10:12 am

Check out http://www.electoral-vote.com/evp2012/Info/pollin… for a list of FAQs which include information on Land-line vs. cell phone polling. The Votemaster is Andrew S. Tanenbaum, a professor of computer science at the Vrije Universiteit and an American Citizen. He notes also that polling almost never recognizes the 7 million voters living abroad who are registered and have a much higher turn out then the national or any state race in the US. They also trend strongly democratic although they include military personnel who are said to be trending toward Romney but in much less numbers than for McCain in 2008.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 3:03 pm

You're a fucking champ, bud. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart and from my wife's bottom.

(old church joke)

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm

It certainly does strike me as a peculiar strategy for garnering votes.

mrblifil October 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Could turn out that not hiring any Spanish-speaking interviewers was a mistake by the polling entities as well…

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

They do seem awfully hate-y towards ladies. Way to alienate half the population.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:48 pm

You'd think they'd like ladies. Hells, at least some of 'em were born in bed with ladies.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 4:49 pm

As 2 year olds!

Biff October 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm

My Droid has been ringing off the hook. Or it would, if it had a hook.

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

I get no polling calls on my cell phone, marketing call neither.
I think it is a function of whether one participated in a call that was randomly generated.
Although I have had the same cell number for 12 years, it is assigned to an area code which was just being rolled out at that time.
I don't recall whether there are still cell phone only area codes but that system would seem to be a way to enforce the requirement that marketers not call cell phones.
I also aggressively maintain my numbers on the DoNotCall list and hang up on any marketing or polling calls as soon as I recognize them as recorded.
The later presents a problem as my debit card issuer does that to do its occasional verification of a purchase.

Biff October 27, 2012 at 10:44 am

I'm on the "do not call" list, but I read somewhere that political bodies were exempt? Back before I had an unlimited plan, it mattered more. Now with better caller ID I can suss out the evil-doers, as well as hang up at the initial hesitation indicating a robo-call. It'll all be over soon, I keep telling myself…

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 11:44 am

What type and who must comply with the do not call list is confusing. I’m quite certain the “Press one if you would like …. “ calls are claimed to comply since “We’re not calling the list to sell, we’re calling the list to ask them if they would like to hear about buying our product.”

bobbert October 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I think political advertisements/endorsements are exempt, but polls are not.

coolhandnuke October 26, 2012 at 4:23 pm

The Beacon sent a correspondent to cover the first Burning Man. The body was found three years later curled up in the fetal position clutching a bottle of Channel #5. Coroners official cause of death; revulsion.

DesertDingo October 26, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I remember that story. I spent a week without showering at Burning Man and I smelled like fucking roses.

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 10:30 am

Sounds painfully thorny.

DemmeFatale October 27, 2012 at 11:29 am

My 25 yr. old goes every year, and it sounds like hell on earth. (I know, a lot of you love it!)
But when I called 2 weeks after she left, and she said, "well my skin is finally starting to get back to normal…" I thought, WTF?
Nothing like a dried out alkaline lake bed with dust storms!

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 26, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Always wash a woman well before eating.

Jus_Wonderin October 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm

They tend to balk a bit as you try to get them in the prep sink but, really, it is worth the extra work.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:50 pm

I'm telling CRE_ature on ya.

Biff October 26, 2012 at 4:48 pm

The French have always known this culinary trick. They even have a word for it…

WhatTheHolyHeck October 26, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Miss en place?

HogeyeGrex October 26, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Bidet?

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Assume woman washed

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 4:25 pm

When did we start letting semi-socialized 12-year-old boys publish political commentary?

nounverb911 October 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm

When Rupert Murdoch's dad started his first paper?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Rupert's dad was a fine, fine man. How he produced Rupe, I'll never know. He was an old-fashioned newspaperman, and would plotz if he saw what his son has done.

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Same with ol' Sammy Walmart.
A former co-worker originally from Arkansas knew him slightly, and said he was a nice man who treated his employees well.
She had a funny story about how Sam lost a bet, which resulted in him coming in to work wearing a grass skirt and dancing the hula.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:24 pm

It seems we're making the best possible argument for HUGE inheritance taxes.

(Confession: we are. Well, I am, anywho.)

Pragmatist2 October 26, 2012 at 4:32 pm

1980

fatbob54 October 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

How long have ORielly and Beck had shows?

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Are you unaware of what you have been reading here all these years?!

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Wonkette 'effin' libel!

This blog has the maturity level of at least a high schooler.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Please. The literacy level alone has to bring it to sophomore, at least.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:25 pm

That would be sophisticatemoor, at least.

DemmeFatale October 26, 2012 at 4:45 pm

You just described the king-makers in the GOP.

bikerlaureate October 26, 2012 at 5:26 pm

With incisive analysis like this, How can their candidate be polling in the high 40's anywhere?

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Assume President Black.

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Assume pundits puerile.

AlterNewt October 26, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Assume meme manifold.

ManchuCandidate October 26, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I'm sure everyone smells like a Summer's Eve.

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Assume dame douched.

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm

go hard on this lady’s vagina-filth
If she's willing I am.

elviouslyqueer October 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Summer's Eve
Makes me feel fine.
Blowing through the chasms
of my gi-hi-hi-nuh.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I know you won't mind if I steal the whole goddamn thing.

Howls of enjoyable laughter, Bruce!

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Damn! Now I've got that song stuck in my miiii-nd.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Are you old enough to remember that song?

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 9:26 pm

LOL, I've always loved that song. It has such a perfect sticky-sweet, harmonious patchouli-and-ganja smoke all wrapped up in a fringed leather jacket kinda vibe.

I wonder if they ever were approached by Proctor and Gamble or whomever to sell it out for a douche commercial.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:26 pm

It's a fucking EARWORM and now it's in my BRAAAAAIIIN!

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I've had it with this motherfucking stink on this motherfucking plane!

BoatOfVelociraptors October 26, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Remember, the hardest workers are always meticulously shaven, have their business cards embossed with an ivory stock, serif aplenty in the fonts. The card holder has a hint of vanilla, snaps open, and only holds 8 cards, because the holder of this dispensary will only have 8 people worth showing this card to.

It took generations of hard work to earn that suffix: "the Third". Do your family proud.

Don't listen to these women who reek of the sweat of labor. How dare they sully this court!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Well put.

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

David Brooks, is that you?!

coolhandnuke October 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Patrick Bateman approves your message.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Bra-VOH! That's a rant to do ya proud. Didn't know you had it in you.

(doffs hat)

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 8:40 pm

That'll do, Boat. That'll do.

shelwood46 October 26, 2012 at 4:28 pm

The weird thing is they want to take us back to the days when people only bathed once a week.

Jus_Wonderin October 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

That is, coincidentally, the days when we didn't have A/C?

Geminisunmars October 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

And you shared the bath water with the entire household.

Fare la Volpe October 26, 2012 at 7:11 pm

And the moonshine! *hic*

Biff October 26, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Sis?

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Assume baths biweekly.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Did Kid Zoom get a hold of your account or something?

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 9:07 pm

No. But I got VERY little sleep last night.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Assume Dok comatose.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm

So, you mean yesterday in France?

IceCreamEmpress October 27, 2012 at 1:12 am

Ha ha it's like you think non-robber barons are people!

I fucking hate Gilded Age 2.0. At least Andrew Carnegie and J. P. Morgan built some goddamn libraries.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 1:18 am

I know, right? At least they built shit, back then. My city still has one of its Carnegie libraries – well, it's not used a library, anymore, but at least it's still standing and in use.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 1:40 am

How right you are.

Hey, isn't that a new av? And what's that cat holding?

ph7 October 26, 2012 at 4:28 pm

In related news, Jen Pasaki just received a $10,000 campaign donation from a Japanese businessman.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm

She looks like a tasty dish.

ph7 October 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm
widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Anyone want to speculate as to how terrific Sununu smells, after breaking a sweat standing up?

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Probably as delicious as Meat Loaf smells while belting out America The Beautiful with Mittens.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Apparently he will do that after all.

elviouslyqueer October 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I'll take "What is Probably not unlike stale donuts and rentboy jizz" for $200, Alex.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Even after applying an entire can of baby powder to his so-no-no?

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

"Acrid" is the first word that springs to mind…

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

"Pachydermic" is second.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:45 pm

"Fungal" for a third, anyone?

memzilla October 26, 2012 at 6:50 pm

I'll see your "fungal," and raise you a "smegmatic." The bet's to you.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 27, 2012 at 5:38 am

Is it like the Doors and Skrillex Break'n a Sweat in San Francisco?

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

How surprising the Free Bacon does not seem to have comments.

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 4:35 pm

But they do have cooties.

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Only three cootie-carriers on a (mostly male) staff of 12.

snowpointsecret October 26, 2012 at 4:36 pm

If only they really did offer free bacon…

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I'll settle for reduced price bacon.

Radiotherapy October 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Smell's like teen spirit.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Smell's more like hearing, really. It goes, when you get old.

Radiotherapy October 26, 2012 at 7:52 pm

♫ ♬ And I forget just why I taste
Oh, yeah, I guess it makes me smile ♫ ♬

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Never had much smell sensitivity, but OTOH I can still hear pretty g … what? what was that?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:49 pm

You know, schizophrenics have a poor sense of smell. Or so I've heard. (edges carefully towards door)

edgydrifter October 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

The difference between a little arousing funk (good) and a powerful stink (bad!) is the person putting it out. Pretty, smart ladies (or fellows–your choice) with good attitudes never smell bad. They can't. It's impossible.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

[applies equally to men and women/ I'm no vag-o-phobe]: once you get past the smell, you got it licked.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:50 pm

DTIDSWYDT.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:36 pm

If we've learned nothing else in this campaign, we've learned that the Repugs truly believe their Mitt don't stink…

coolhandnuke October 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

It is common knowledge that rightwing hangouts, conservative workplaces and GOP offices are all covered and sterilized under the Pheromone Free Act of 1958.

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

The implication is that the poor dear did not even squat over a bidet after the Kenyan Usurper hit it. Disgusting!!!1!

Biff October 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Of course I read that as "free bacon."

soeoho October 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Of course I read that as "free bacon sammiches" Now that she's all warshed up and purdy.

Geminisunmars October 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Speaking of which — where's Baconzgood these days? Is he slaving away over a hot new job?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Yes. I b'leev he started this very Monday.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm

After a brief (~ 30 sec.) perusal, I choose to read it as The Freebie Con.

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Mmmmmmm… stinky bacon

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Y'all must be RLY missing our favourite piglet, Baconzgood.

Biff October 26, 2012 at 6:59 pm

While I hope all the best for Mr. Baconz, I'm just a really big fan of bacon. Wright Brand applewood smoked, to be more precise.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I'm not fussy. I'll eat anything that's got pig in it.

Good thing I wasn't born Muslim or Jewish, huh?

Biff October 26, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Damn it, now I must make a bacon on sourdough sammich.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm

This would stop you?

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I always do. And it would be a better business model for them.

Hammiepants October 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Seriously, this campaign can't end soon enought for me. It's crossed over from being horrible to being inexplicably surreal.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Brace yourself for ten more days of free fire zone. Sorry.

Radiotherapy October 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I wonder if the carpets smell like the drapes.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 4:50 pm

"Femi-Breeze. It's The Only Way To Be Sure."

Radiotherapy October 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Fur-Breeze might work too.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Kitteh pix or GTFO!

jodyleek October 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Free Beacon!?! I thought it said Free Bacon. Crap!

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm

You're right. It is free crap.

LibertyLover October 26, 2012 at 5:08 pm

It's a well-known secret that women who smell like bacon perfume get more guys…

Schmannnity October 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Brian Williams has been flying with Obama for 48 hours and I don't the Washington Free Beacon complaining about ballsack smell.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Yet.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Ballsack smell is still way superior to vagina-filth. You're a GUY and you don't know this? Hmmm. (eyes Schmannity VERY suspiciously)

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Yo, I'm a guy and I got some serious reservations about your assumption here.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:53 pm

'Tain't mine. (heh heh heh)

I'm channeling the GOP.

Schmannnity October 27, 2012 at 12:00 am

I offend myself after 2 days

gullywompr October 26, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Us hippies don't mind.

Jimmyone October 26, 2012 at 11:47 pm

To this day when I catch a whiff of patchouli oil and body odor, I have an urge to drop acid and braid armpit hair…wait… what was the question?

LibrarianX October 26, 2012 at 4:50 pm

This reminds me: whatever became of Jeff Gannon?

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I think Rove sold him to a group of Chinese businessmen…

LibrarianX October 26, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I assumed that Rove either had him killed or was still shacking up with him.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 5:14 pm

My theory would still be the most humane option…

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:37 pm

CRE posted a clip of sea lice eating a pig down to the bone. I'd report Karl missing, but I don't care enough.

tessiee October 27, 2012 at 1:21 am

So, killed, then, rather than shacking up?

Biff October 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I'd hit that.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Duh.

ElPinche October 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Eh, fuck them. The only reason I clicked on this is that I thought it said " Washington Free Bacon." Moocher!!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I'm confused. Is this rag supposed to be a beacon for fleas? Or a beacon for freepers? Or a beacon for people who mistype bacon?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I cannot blame you, Internet Spouse of Indeterminate Gender, for wondering. I myself was somewhat mystified.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Hello, Dear.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Schmeckalah, sweetie!

LibertyLover October 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Pheromone Libel!

docterry6973 October 26, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Showered after two days? Must be germ-phobic.

mrblifil October 26, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Nothing is more important right now than Meatloaf's rendition of America the Beautiful.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 5:15 pm

The guy from "Rocky Horror"???

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 5:45 pm

The guy who refused to participate in the final nude scene, in the original run of Hair.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Thus earning the gratitude of a nation.

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 8:24 pm

That was a long time ago, Son. Nothing good can come from stirring all that up now.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Yessir.

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Assume Meatloaf moron.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Assume perplexed poster … wtf am I missing?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Meatloaf and some of his friends climbed onstage at a Romney rally to sing "America The Beautiful" in the most hideously offkey out of tune rendition EVAH. Romney campaign has tried to pull it so no one can witness the horror. I think RawStory has it up, tho.

DemmeFatale October 27, 2012 at 12:45 am

Meatloaf looks really wasted in the video.
For someone with a shockingly (almost classical) decent tenor voice, he sounds ridiculous.
(I love watching the Mittbot is struggle to save face.)

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Assume deer dead

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Assume Miss taken.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Aha … missed that one. Added my own belated contribution.

LibertyLover October 26, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I'll certainly be praying for the end of time if Romney gets elected.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:34 pm

SweetLawdyJebus I like to about DIED. How is it possible for multiple professional musicians to sing the SAME FUCKING SONG so hideously off key and out of time? WITH EACH OTHER?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm

"… so hideously off key and out of time?"

I have no idea why they support Mitt. They didn't sing very well either.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Maybe the problem is in your use of the term "professional"?

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 12:16 am

Meatloaf has only ever made a living from his music and some small acting roles, and the other three louts were with him.

Oh. I get it. OK.

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Why did the alto stand outside in the rain all night?

She never knows when to come in, and can't find her key anyway.

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Tee-hee, Church Choir Jokes! What did you bring for the potluck?

DemmeFatale October 27, 2012 at 12:25 am

I went to a music conservatory (singer), and I have a million of them.
(The best compliment I got there was when someone thought I was a violinist instead of a singer.)

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 2:53 am

Allow me to worship at your feeties. Srsly. The human voice is the basis of all music. Do you still sing professionally?

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Well, to be fair, Chuck Norris and Jenna Jameson really can't be considered professional musicians; and Ted Nugent and Hank Williams… kinda suck.

FeloniousMonk October 26, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I think Mr. Loaf has finally met the gravy. Not that it's much of a song anyway. Growing up in England, I was under the impression that your national anthem is "This Land Is Your Land". It beats the heck out of the real anthem and and all your other patriotic songs. Why don't you adopt it? To be fair, we should toss out "God Save The King/Queen" in favour of "Jerusalem", because Joseph of Arimathea taking a vacation in Glastonbury is historical fact.

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Upfisted specifically for "Mr. Loaf".
Also, I think "America the Beautiful" would be a very nice anthem.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Upfisted for upfisting "Mr. Loaf."

iamrrm October 26, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Yeah and for "Amercia the Beautiful" and such as, too.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Recursive upfists all the way down. Also, too, I quite like "America the Beautiful". If they wanted to sing that during the seventh-inning stretch instead of the annoying GBA, I'd take my fucking hat off.

FeloniousMonk October 26, 2012 at 8:27 pm

My criterion for a good anthem is "can you sing it in the shower?" Because that's the only place I'm allowed to sing.

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Then, despite the advice given in the cracked article, you would have to shower every day, in order to sing every day.
You *do* sing every day, right?

calliecallie October 26, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Wasn't "This Land is Your Land" written by Woody Guthrie? A lovely thought, and it make sense, but he was much too librul. It would never fly.

What about "Ailce's Restaurant," which was written by his son, Arlo Guthrie? Also quinetssentially Merican.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 10:59 pm

And, I believe, TLIYL was written at least partly as a response to "God Bless America".

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

Both accurate, and both decried by Wingnuts as evidence that Woody was a bad person.

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 11:27 am

That's what Springsteen says in a live rendition. Also mentions that fact as being in Joe Klien's bio of Guthrie. Haven't read the book yet. However a few years ago the Library of Congress included it in their collection and the Smithsonian seems to posses the original manuscript. Recently the recordings of Moe Asch, who recorded many of the folk artists from Guthrie generation, were released with what is considered the oldest recording by Guthrie from 1940. Overall I don't think that Irving Berlin's lyrics were as offensive, just not directed to the common man, but at the time Guthrie would have been hearing Kate Smith's version of God Bless America opening and closing her radio show every day.

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 7:38 pm

so much depends
upon

a red-faced
belter

glazed with slick
man-sweat

beside the white
Mormons.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:51 pm

That is fucking awesome. I am impressed.

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 11:54 am

Assume Kincaid conqers

Biff October 26, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Speaking of, I hope Harry Reid was wearing clean magic underwear today…

Geminisunmars October 26, 2012 at 6:18 pm

The important thing — is his car okay? He seems to be a little accident prone after he got that shiner while out jogging in 2011.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 9:45 pm

The real question, though, is how does this affect Sarah Lou Palin?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 10:16 pm

You know what? Laugh at your Mom all you want. The ONE TIME I didn't listen to the bitch and put on clean underpants, I got hit by a car.

Moms have DA POWER!

Jimmyone October 26, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Hey MB…how be da knees?

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 12:31 am

Fucked, darlz. I'm not complaining too much, anaconda it seems like that's all I ever fucking do, but there might be some major nerve damage. I can't put any weight on it without it buckling. Eh, life's like that.

How's by you, old friend? Long time no see.

Jimmyone October 27, 2012 at 1:07 am

that sucks dood…I'm going to find out tomorrow if my knees will hold up to an event photo shoot…I did a small one a few weeks ago…three days at Keystone Resort…I did ok but it was a week before I felt “normal”. I 've been looking forward to this one…It is an annual Karate tournament…My eyes tear up in pain just watching what these folks do to their knees…and feet…and hands…but the grandkid and Mrs. are competing and it is good…plus I get paid…and I get to meet world karate champions and blah belts…and watch the Mrs. whoop up on some one else for a change…I met the women's Gold Medalist from the World Karate Championship in Brazil this summer…what a terrific person…wants me to do a “Fashion Shoot” with her…My chin hit the floor when she said that…anyway sure wish I could help ya…Keep on keeping on my friend…photos in a few days…Robert Soby

Biff October 27, 2012 at 10:09 am

It is fate I laugh at, not Mom. I go commando…

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

That's all good then. You'll NEVER get hit by a car.

Wut? Murphy's Law, dood.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I hate it when things get a little too, shall we say, mungy?

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Assume muff manky.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Assume twat waffled.

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Muff Manky was a 3rd Baseman for the 1926 White Sox.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 9:45 pm

You mean "not too fresh down there"?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I've been known to drink the mungy. Tea, that is.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Hey, if there are no flies buzzing around down there, and you don't pass out if you're in the elevator with her, no harm no foul, in my reckoning.

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Assume vadge virtuous

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Athume puthy perfect.

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Wewease Wobbin!

trampndirtdown October 26, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Wewease Wodderick!

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 8:23 pm

All of these should be translated into Latin.

Sharkey October 26, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Hillz would probably take exception to this rule.

JadedPreppy October 26, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Is there no bidet on the plane? Or "Air Force One Wipes" at least?

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Obama – Bidet 2012!

AlterNewt October 26, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Bidet light come
And me want to go home

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 11:53 pm

I have had it with these motherfucking snakes in this mother-fucking bidet!

DahBoner October 26, 2012 at 5:54 pm

There's lots of bacteria in jism.

C'mon, rapists should know this already…

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 10:18 pm

There is also, apparently, a substance that stimulates ovulation, according to this fortnight's issue of ScienceNews, anyway. Thereby increasing the likelihood that a woman who is raped will become pregnant as a result. Srsly.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Off topic, but there are some funny damn reviews here http://www.amazon.com/Avery-Durable-Binder-EZ-Tur

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Assume binders borked.

Detesticle October 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Whose pants do you think smell better — Barry's trousers or Willard's magic mom jeans?

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 12:33 am

Oh, please. Barry's trousers smell of chocolate muffins. Willard's magic mom jeans smell of cordury, old cheese, and stale farts.

BlueStateLibel October 26, 2012 at 6:22 pm

OT but funny, Mitt-bott still struggling to talk like the humans, speaking in some swing state today: "And those things will determine the most important and intimate things in our lives, the lives of our homes, our families, our loved ones."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Mitt's very concerned about the lives of his homes.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:54 pm

He just wants to put food on his family.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 10:02 pm

He just wants to practice his love on women.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 12:34 am

He doesn't *have* any.

oenspiek October 26, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I'm glad the lovely Ms Psaki is keeping so busy, and hope that her work proves completely successful.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Well, depending on the TYPE of vagina-filth she's producing … I mean, we all earned our RedWings, right?

FeloniousMonk October 26, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I never suspected you were an Angel.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Of a very sanguine variety.

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Clarification pls.: Work boots or hockey team?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:40 pm

If you have to ask you may already have missed out on the best sex of your life.

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Pls., for humor purposes only. As indicated just below. Or "underneath."

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Yes, but approached the objective from the north. Is that cheating?

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Honestly, you know, sometimes you don't care if she smells like a hamster.

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 7:39 pm

As long as you care if she is or isn't a hamster.

FeloniousMonk October 26, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Hamster, gerbil, what does it matter? Wrapped in duct tape, all small rodents look the same.

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Maybe I do smell a bit like elderberries.

Sharkey October 26, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Caveat: Beware of Lindsay Lohan.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 12:35 am

Hamsters smell nice! Er … not that I would KNOW or anything. I mean … (looks around, runs out of room)

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 7:07 pm

According to this article, showering daily doesn't kill bacteria/micro-organisms, it just moves them around, which is why doctors in many hospitals are not allowed to shower right before operating.
http://www.cracked.com/article_19121_7-basic-thin

BlueStateLibel October 26, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I see you get your sciencey news from the same source I do, long live cracked.

Radiotherapy October 26, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Tx, t
I liked the scoop on the poop.

weejee October 26, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Last #7 photog – point 'em down and let 'em buck, On a double diamond run it may scare the shidski outta ya.

poorgradstudent October 26, 2012 at 7:28 pm

I can't wait until this horrible campaign is over, and we can go back to calling Nobammers a radical leftist socialist and pretending that the Republicans wouldn't have been considered nuts even in the 1880s.

rocktonsam October 26, 2012 at 7:51 pm

didn't Todd Akin say that dames got an automatic cleansing something down there?

redarmyzombie October 26, 2012 at 8:07 pm

You know, with everything they've said recently, you'd almost think conservatives hated women or something…

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 12:36 am

*Almost.*

weejee October 26, 2012 at 8:16 pm

OT

Here's a sweet way to start your weekend. Nate Silver's 10/26/12 closing number is Bamz 74.4% and rising while Miffed is at 25.6% and sinking.

/ ♪♫ tra la ♫♪ dances off to the evening

emmelemm October 26, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Weej, you're the best. (Have a wonderful Friday.)

weejee October 27, 2012 at 8:49 am

Thanks emmel. Your very, very special as well.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Cannot. Sink. Fast. Enough.

BoroPrimorac October 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Romentum is bullshit. The polls didn't really move despite Obama's nightmare debate performance.
http://election.princeton.edu/2012/10/26/ro-mentu

weejee October 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm

sweet

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Mmmm….free bacon…mmmm

BTW, my favorite scat porn involves Lady Ella Fitzgerald giving us the money ear shot.

tessiee October 27, 2012 at 1:29 am

Roo-bop-shoo-bop-bop!

docterry6973 October 27, 2012 at 8:49 am

Amen to that.

Chet Kincaid_ October 26, 2012 at 8:37 pm

By the way, Mr. Jesse Taylor, auto-playing videos with sound are the work of the Devil!!

FeloniousMonk October 26, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Could I urge everyone to upfist this? The whole population of Wonkette, please, all 666,000,000 of you? It plays merry hell with download times over the lousy connection in my watering hole.

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Even worse, it interferes w/ the music to which I'm listening.

M. Bouffant October 26, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Plus which also there is a website where these Mighty Sorry, No Body Cares videos can be found & clipped & shared, so you don't have somebody else's stupid logo on it & it will be in higher def & the proper aspect ratio.

And you won't be giving clicks or bandwidth to scum like the Bill Kristol son-in-law vanity project.

Here. Or here, ||even.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 12:38 am

I have very fast connection but still am borked and also too cats HATE fucking autoplay. And I NEED my cats to stay warm, goddammit.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 26, 2012 at 9:34 pm

And even I try to avoid doing it.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 1:34 pm

When the devil himself won't endorse something, you KNOW it's bad.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

That's very … meta.

MittBorg October 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm

*preen*

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Hey Gang, think we'll livebloog the Wisc Senate debate? It starts a 8 Central, i.e. in 5 minutes. This may or may not work: http://www.wkow.com/category/210335/live-streamin

Also,

Assume Tommy tanked.

Also, Beer here!

sudsmckenzie October 27, 2012 at 4:11 am

"So, Tommy, tell me about the time, last week, when you literally sold your shares in the Iranian Uranium consortium". haha buh bye
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/25/tommy-th

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 10:19 pm

HAHAHAHA ohgod, my fantasies.

Are you holding John Wayne's hand? Or is that the Dead Hand of the Free Market?

FeloniousMonk October 27, 2012 at 1:28 am

Now you mention it, the hand does look a bit weird. In a larger version — it still looks weird. John Wayne is from the ending of the Bonzos' 11 Mustachioed Daughters. And your fantasies are what? If you wouldn't mind sharing.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 3:26 am

Ah! I did not recognize him in your scrunched-up size, fella. But yes, that hand appears somewhat disproportionately large (consider the scale to the face) and the skull directly beneath the pink palm looks, unfortunately, like a shirt cuff. Doesn't it, now?

JohnnyQuick October 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Nice try, Herr Koch! Way to burn that possibly yehudi fraulein.

But your Free Bacon will never be the rape-paper that Ghost Breitbart's organization is. Do you have an O'Queefe rape-boat? I think not.

trampndirtdown October 26, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Washington Free Beacon. I'm quite sure Daddy-in-law is paying for junior's "jerb".

tessiee October 26, 2012 at 11:15 pm

So, I'm watching "Mockingbird Lane", which is a remake of the old Munsters show. Eddie Izzard as Grandpa Munster?
Awesome.
Eddie Izzard as anything, in anything?
Awesome.

IceCreamEmpress October 27, 2012 at 1:16 am

Can I be a total douchebucket and say that Grandpa's last name shouldn't be Munster? He's Lily's dad, not Herman's. They did this with the original show as well IT MAKES NO SENSE unless Herman took Lily's name when they got married and who does that? Not even my hippie friends.

tessiee October 27, 2012 at 1:30 am

Unless Herman and Lily are also siblings.
But then, I haven't yet figured out how a Frankenstein and a vampire produced a werewolf son, either.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

You hangin' out wit da wrong hippies. Many of my hippie/SNAG friends took wifey's lat name, or made one up. (His'nhers last names, so cute. KAWAII!)

cousinitt October 27, 2012 at 2:13 am

OMG. How's come no one told me about this show? Hmm? And why aren't I in this show?

Oh, wait…Gomez!

Barrelhse October 26, 2012 at 11:45 pm

And then he sang this song- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGVShoAWp00&fe

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Uh … actually …

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 11:51 pm

You say Fibonacci, I say Fibognocchi. Let's call the whole Fibofucking thing off.

ElPinche October 27, 2012 at 1:57 am

Wanna good laugh? Watch this. This is the model republican , FoxNews' ideal target audience, the perfect GOP voter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed…!

I believe she said George Thorogood is the jewish billionaire behind all the "riots in wallstreet." Oh……I'm so dead inside now.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Pinche, man, you fucking curdled the milk in my tea. Right now I feel like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. I WANT TO POOP ON THAT STUPID WOMAN!

ElPinche October 27, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I'm a giver.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Oh, you want to poop on her too? Be my guest.

ElPinche October 27, 2012 at 8:37 pm

If we can convince her that scat showers are Constitutional , then I'm game.

fuflans October 27, 2012 at 2:38 am

hey! anybody going to WI tomorrow? to canvass?

i would love some support!

sudsmckenzie October 27, 2012 at 4:13 am

I'm here, but I only canvass in bars.

fuflans October 27, 2012 at 12:57 pm

which one?

ttommyunger October 27, 2012 at 7:05 am

Bathe her and bring her to my tent…..No, wait, just bring her to my tent right fucking now!

ElPinche October 27, 2012 at 11:12 am

I guess I can wait for double sloppy seconds.

ttommyunger October 27, 2012 at 11:31 am

No damage. It will stretch a mile before it tears an inch.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

docterry6973 October 27, 2012 at 8:53 am

I think I would find the strength to endure her presence. Who am I kidding. She would look at me like something that is stuck to the bottom of her shoe.

Dr. Matt October 27, 2012 at 9:49 am

hmmmmm, dirty gingers.

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 10:46 am

Hey, now…

<–squeaky clean ginger

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Why are ALL the gay boys on here *gingers*?

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Sheer good fortune? ;0)

Biff October 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

Her I like, her character I'm having a difficult time masturbating to…

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 10:59 am

OT: absolutely lovely "Weekend Edition" story on Pete Seeger, who at 93 is still as wonderful as ever, craggy age-cracked voice and all. And he's just released two new albums.

In a spoken-word track on his new Guthrie tribute album, Pete Remembers Woody, Seeger tells the story of Guthrie's famous slogan.

"He went through WWII with a piece of cardboard pasted to the top of his guitar: 'This machine kills fascists,' " Seeger says on the recording. "He really wanted his guitar to help win the war against Hitler. When Woody went into a hospital in 1952 … I put something similar on my banjo: 'This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender.' "

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Thank you, Dok. Ever the educator.

Love Pete Seeger.

Blueb4sinrise October 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I believe that C_R_ is on the coast waiting for Sandy. Any other Wonketeers hunkering down?

Not Bruce
[Just for a change]

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

The storm started passing us by yesterday. Still VERY windy (up to 30+ mph), drizzly, rip currents, etc., but s'posed to be dying down by tonight, when Sandy will have moved north of us…

LibrarianX October 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Don't our friends on the right think that all women are unclean? Well, except for Donna Reed. And Nancy Reagan.

fuflans October 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

nancy reagan: the clean blow job queen.

BarackMyWorld October 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

My favorite moment of ironic campaign misogyny still has to be when Ann "Women Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote" Coulter complained about how Joe Biden's debate performance offended her delicate female sensibilities.

lulzmonger October 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm
MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Oh, ew. Only "cat butt" can top THAT.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 27, 2012 at 5:39 am

I'll drop you "prolapsed".

AlterNewt October 26, 2012 at 8:54 pm

"CRE posted a clip of sea lice eating a pig down to the bone."

I'm almost positive that there was a time when I would have found that statement disturbing.

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Sununununu flop sweat?

tessiee October 27, 2012 at 1:20 am

*
[that's a cat butt]

bobbert October 26, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Before this campaign, perhaps?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:53 pm

We were ALL more human, oncet.

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 9:46 pm

What your vomit smells like if you eat yourself sick on bleu cheese and kimchee.

Doktor Zoom October 26, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Assume Zoom zzzzzzzzzz

FeloniousMonk October 26, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Not a day passes without a stirring rendition of Red Flag.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Assume the position.

Flat on your back.

(Hugs Dok) Catch up on your sleep tonight, OK?

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Jesus, fella. You are REALLY sick.

(gazes at Lascauxcaveman admiringly)

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Make me one too. You know, while you're up.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Naaah. Some of my best Muslim friends come all the way to this country to enjoy a good ham sandwich.

MittBorg October 26, 2012 at 11:54 pm

BKR. Before Karl Rove.

AlterNewt October 26, 2012 at 11:57 pm

…says the Borg.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 12:29 am

That's beautiful.

tessiee October 27, 2012 at 1:25 am

Annndd, we're back to the menstruation humor?

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 1:41 am

Yes, it is! I recognized it immediately, since I seem to spend most of my life staring at them. Why do the little fuckers think I want to see their assholes, anyway?

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 1:45 am

Eh, The Borg will get most of us. It's not so bad, being assimilated.

FeloniousMonk October 27, 2012 at 1:51 am

Y'know, the Labour party conference used to end with the singing of the Red Flag until the twit Blair decided "we don't do socialism anymore". I shall die an old and embittered man. Embittered, anyway.

bobbert October 27, 2012 at 2:14 am

Focus groups/

bobbert October 27, 2012 at 2:24 am

Huuuge. Like 100% over 10M.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 2:51 am

He's not looking good at all. I always thought he had an amazing voice, great range, power, but he lost his singing voice twice, at least once due to "psychological reasons." Like, you know, ColombianMarchingPowder. Looks like he's lost it again. And yes, watching Mitt squirm is surely worth the price of admission.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 2:53 am

Gotta keep that such as, too coming.

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 3:21 am

That sounds so cool, dood! I'll be fine, nothing some PT and painkillers and rest won't fix eventually, I'm sure. It could always be worse.

I'm really thrilled to hear that you scored a paid gig! It helps me to hear stuff like that. Keeps me from bitching about life. It's really not so bad for me, I shouldn't complain. I have my home, I grew bucketfuls of heirloom tomatoes this year. Best crop in years, and they all tasted like some strange rare fruit, sweeter than plums. Grew a ton of vegetables. Looks like I could feed two families on my produce if I set it up right. Finally broke down and bought a camera. Haven't used one for years, so I'm learning all over again. It's good. Send me a link to the pix when they're done, I'd love to see them! Maybe I'll learn something!

Also too, my respectful greetings to your Mrs. (She has a blah belt? Yow.)

MittBorg October 27, 2012 at 3:38 am

I'm down wit dat. Coz I know you saw that piece on all those billionaires' kids partying down and living the high life on their untaxed, unearned inheritances.

DemmeFatale October 27, 2012 at 11:14 am

Nah, I'm not a professional. Didn't have the single-minded focus for it. To be a singer, you have to want it more than anything else in the world, and be in love with the sound of your own voice. Talent is not enough. DRIVE is the most important thing. I wanted too many other things.
But I did go to school with Renee Fleming, who was treated like shit, and only given small roles in operas. I was happy to see that she didn't even list our school (Eastman school of Music), in her bio. Bitter? Me?

swordfis October 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I'm a composer, and teach in a quasi-conservatory. That's a great Renee Fleming story, and conforms perfectly with my experience that resentful old failures make the rules for the talented.

bobbert October 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Assume Gannon ganked.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist one).

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