Who do you want representing you, South Dakota? A disgusting hippie who loves “cap and trade” and taught at the Biosphere and has a master’s degree? Or this nice lady with the awesome hair who was named “young farmer of the year” by the “Waterstown JC” (?) and who didn’t whore herself out to Big Education? We are fairly sure the answer is self-evident! For instance, take a look at the picture above. See all the nice things Kristi Noem was doing in 2001? Awesome. What was her filthy radical opponent doing at the time? GOING TO CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY like a common intellectual. Which leaves unanswered the very important questions: Does Matt Varilek wear glasses, and if so, when will South Dakota gift him with the “re-education” he so obviously needs?
Do not watch if you don’t want to see terrifying footage of Matt Varilek drinking Jaeger and eating corndogs and other super-obviously-un-American type things.
Luckily, Tea Party favorite Congresswoman Noem has about twice as much cash on hand as this … freak Varilek. And so the Republic may stand for yet another day.
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♪♫ Tumbling along with the tumbling
tumbleweedsgrifterweeds ♫♪Lou Sarah II ?????
Our beloved moose murderess is IRREPLACEABLE.
Milan, Italy? He was probably doing other disgusting things, like eating pasta, looking at fine architecture and drinking wine that is not mass produced at Boone's Farm. Traitor!
Plus, he probably bought clothes at those fancy Eye-talean faggy designer boo-teeks rather than doing his clothes shopping at all-American stores like Wal-Mart. BOOOOOO.
Does Armani even make overalls?
I saw that guy on the Montenapoleone back in '03!
He probably bought a Gucci handbag for his "wife," just proving that he is a Socialist Homosexual.
Wine coolers are the closest anyone in South Dakota gets to drinking wine.
We say spaghetti they say pasta
We say Pak ee stan they say Pah key stawn
We say nukular the say nuclear.
What snobs.
Global Warming…psshhht, it's cold outside. Stupid Liberals.
I know! I had to wear a jacket on my walk this morning.
The "incubator of radical environmental ideas?" I hate people like this, global warming warning freaks and tree hugging bitches that they are. Everyone knows that global warming is a hoax.
Now if you will forgive me, I need to order some supplies for my daughter, who is hunkering down for "Frankenstorm."
Al Franken is visiting?
No, "Frankenstorm" is that Tim Burton movie all the kids are talking about.
You're thinking of Frankenwienie — the tale of Lorena Bobbitt's husband.
I'm looking forward to the geographically accurate layout of the storm's path as the Senator speed-sketches it for us, perhaps while whistling "Beyond the Sea"~
God I hope that fizzles out; I'm supposed to be flying Tuesday evening.
It's passing by here right now – lotta wind, some rain…eh…
Stay safe, Kitty!
Aww, we're snug as lil' bugs here. Me and my bf are both Florida natives, so we know how to handle hurricanes. My biggest concern was filling all the birdfeeders up before it got too bad, so the poor lil' things would have something to eat whilst being blown hither and yon by this wind.
*YOU* guys mind y'all are careful, tho!
I had a meeting scheduled in DC next week, but we've cancelled it. Thank Christ, I really hate to (not) travel in bad weather.
Awww! Congratulations, dude!!! :0)
Yesterday I heard the the snor'eastercane may delay SorosBot's flight to his new home next week. But then I thought, "What would Herman Cain snoring at Easter have to do with weather? Stupid libruls with their 'global warming'".
So when do we get to choose a cutesy couples name for youse guys?
MiSo
SorEn?
Horny?
Japanese soup laced with aphrodisiacs : miso horney.
MisSoros?
You mean like "Ben-nifer" or "Brangelina"?
ETA: answered my own question.
Well if y'all go dress up together for Halloween I'm aware there is "stake", "torso", "boss" and "smit'n" anagramized from your names to work with, personally I'm picturing a partly-dismembered yet smitten robot fending off a sexy vampiress with a stake but "smiting" yields possibilities as well.
What's this? Did I miss hearing wedding bells?
What is this, 1954? No wedding bells, just good old fashioned shacking up.
Yeah, I think I should probably bring some pillows to the airport with me.
Nah. Use boxed wine. Drain the sucker to get sleepy on those airport benches, and then re-inflate the bag to use as a pillow. Folds for easy stowage.
Sill Barbara, Weather has no scientific basis and is a total hoax. A storm will only happen if that is what God intends to happen.
Read the Bible People!
And if God wants everyone to be killed by the snor'eastercane, then he goddamn (er) will let it happen. Because omnipotent!
Sandy missed 4th of July by a wide margin, looks like she might still find Asbury Park, though.
When will these baggers learn that none of their hot candidates are ever going to fuck them?
Nevermind, I know the answer….
But those sultry-yet-sweet objects of fantasy, like all succubi, do "do" it to them… IN THEIR HEADS
Reading about how busy she was managing the farm and balancing the books and all I of course thought of the film "Norma Rae" and remembered that scene where Sally Field is ironing the laundry and she tells her loutish husband that if he wants some "lovin" then he should just get behind her at the ironing board and shimmy up her nightgown and… Okay, I'm probably gonna vote for Kristi.
At least having lovely laydeez running for office raises the bar from that boring old standard of "who would you rather have a beer with" to the much more pertinent "who would you rather bone."
You didn't watch the video, right?
Kristi does look like the evil lovechild of CrazyEyes Bachmann and the Snowbilly.
Hot monkey sexytime fucking? No. However, their candidates are most certainly going to fuck them.
And Noem has a Masters in Bating?
Much of that commercial was Masters-baiting.
NOOO. COLLUDGE EDSYOUCAYTION BAAAD!
Vote for the woman who snorted oxy in a Sturgis Port-o-Pot like a real South Dakotan!
She looks familiar, but I'll need to see her tramp-stamp to be certain.
But did she serve corn dogs at this "family" restaurant she managed? Until we know, we won't understand who hates America more.
Corn dogs must show seven forms of ID to be served at this family restaurant.
I wonder if any government loans helped open said restaurant…
She financed it with whore diamonds.
And for more obvious choices involving bad taste and Republicans, here's Romney, like a plutocrat out of hell: http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/romne…
Need brain bleach, now.
The republicans keep looking backwards
I was screaming at Morning Edition this morning. I knew there was a reason I have always hated and despised Meatloaf- and now I know why.
Master's Degree or none, Matt is still too close to Biodome-era Pauly Shore to get my vote. Tough luck, Science! Try harder next time!
"Wheeze the Vote"
Why do you hate Jesusween?
Shorter Kristi Noem: Do you think I look a bit like Sarah Palin? Do ya huh?
Also.
You betcha
On her mailers it simply has her picture and reads:
Am I hot/will you go out with me?
Yes:
No:
I bet he even drinks Perrier with a twist. Rat Commie punk you.
What I want to know is why would someone with that education and access to the UN want to represent South Dakota? Run away! Run away!
A valid question, that…
He's trying to save them from Kristi Noem?
Hey girl. Worst just-gave-head hairdo of the week, so shut up already.
Yeah right, like this bitch has ever done a nice thing for anyone ever in her life. But yes, on the shut up.
Also FakataSouthdakota.
I made no claim that she was at all nice about it (afterward, she spat with contempt and said, 'good enough for government work').
Nice.
Hahaha. Greatest Ad Ever … for Matt Varilek! He cares AND likes Jager?
Where can I vote for Matt Varilek for president in 2016? I am on board!
He had me the minute they mentioned corn dogs. I lurvve me some corn dogs.
If this race was in California, he would win 90 percent of the vote from that video ad alone.
Pencil neck geek! Grit-eatin' freak! Thumbsucking peahead with a lousy physique! He's a one-man, no-good losing streak. Nothing but a pencil-neck geek.
You really can't go wrong quoting Fred Blassie.
Kristi Noem:
*HELPING TO BALANCE THE BOOKS AND ALSO, TOO
Helping to balance the books and uh, some, uh. . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and,
Yeah, about that.
Who actually tries to balance their books in the real world? How many families, in their ideal world, would save nothing? Does any business want to make exactly zero profit?
I have it on good authority that nobody wins the Miss Rapid City/Badlands tiara without making it thirty yards with a book balanced on her head. So there's that.
Sounds like she is running a non-profit, and therefore communistic, enterprise.
HELPING TO BALANCE THE BOOKS BY MAKING SAMMICHES FOR THE MENFOLK.
"You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons."
-Waco Kid
Ha-HA! I love watching Cleavon Little trying to keep a str8 face during that scene…
When you think about it, they probably could have made a blooper reel of that movie that was as long and nearly as funny as the movie itself. Why has this not been done?
"The impenetrable stupidity of the Electorate…" – Mein Kampf.
So, Church Lady-to-be vs Brainy Frat semi-Douche.
That was a great ad for Matt Varilek. That guy sounds awesome. Wait, what?
No shit … I want to party with that guy!
I got the point about halfway through: Kristi Noem – more denimy!
And denim is folksy!
I'm getting the distinct feeling that these tea-baggers aren't too bright.
Get a brain Moran!
That ad only made me ask "so I'm supposed to vote for the dummy?"
+ Likes kicky highlights, for Freedom!
+ Once pulled siamese calves backward out of their cowmom's babychute
+ Won 4A recipe contest for Roast Siamese Calves
+ with potato chip topping
With French's canned French Fried Onions, to add flavor and crunch!
Don't you mean Freedom's canned Freedom Fried Onions?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Ah, you beat me to it! Dammit!
Presentation: 4/5
Originality: 5/5
Taste: 7/10 needs cheese and Ro-Tel
He visited socialist countries like Scotland and Italy. Must never have signed the Patriot pledge.
And these countries are much closer to North Mali than North Dakota. Can we be sure he wasn't actually training with Al Qaeda?
Masters from Cambridge, meh. If she was a real smartypants it would have been from Oxford (and not meaning Old Miss).
Why go all the way over to Oxford?
Batesville CC is almost as good…
"This pinko freek, off gettin' edumacated, instead of stayin' home and cadging federal farm subsidies, like a *REAL* 'Merkin…"
Jägermeister? In this country we drink umlaut-free booze, comrade.
I'd have to see how she sucks corndogs down before I can make a decision.
Oh Tea Partiers, you are hilarious.
I think it might be bad, though, that after watching your campaign video, I now support your opponent more.
"Experts, who needs them?"
Wouldn't it be ironic if she was an arugula farmer?
She's got more of a soybean look about her…
She DID get an award from the SD Soybean Farmers Assoc. I saw it in the video. It must be true!
She's makin' TOFU! Sekrit liberalunatic!
Not a chance. She grows nothing but 100% American high fructose corn syrup.
Or if she raised crops organically.
If the Republican party continues to treat education and intellectualism as somehow negative and to be mocked, then they just might find that all their candidates end up being complete drooling morons.
Look how well that worked for the French, after they cut off the heads of all the smart folks in 1787…
Too late!
Already there.
Know 'em? I just wanna fuck 'em.
Wait what? What does Kristi Noem have against Corn Dogs? Corn Dogs are one of the most American foods. Every heartlander knows this. Every heartlander knows it is proper that every political candidates fellate a Corn Dog at the State Fair. How many Corn Dogs have you consumed Kristi? None? Then fuck off and let a Real American do his job.
Perhaps the SD GOP is averse to corn dogs ever since Marcus Bachmann swallowed, I mean, consumed one so delicately at the Iowa State Fair.
"Radical Environmental Ideas." You mean like not wanting the world to become a scorched, post-apocolyptic wasteland because of irreversible global warming? He's an Eco-terrorist I tells ya!!
George McGovern we never knew ya.
He's rolling over in his freshly dug grave :(
Matt Varilek: got a world class education, traveled.
Kristi Noem: made sammiches
Which vision of America do YOU want for your children????
Well…….. errrrrrrr…………..ummmmmmmmm………
Sammiches, you say?
Mmmm….sammiches…..yum
Isn't it obvious?
Sammiches, not corn dogs!
A corn dog is nothing more than a circular baloney sandwich. Except no mayo.
Cuz only a Canadian would do that. Gross.
Mission: Retarded.
From George McGovern to Kristi Noem in two generations. Devolution at its anti-Darwinian best.
I think you're all reading too much into this. She's not saying that there's anything wrong with the fact that this guy traveled the world and learned all kinds of stuff and is sort of ambitious. It's just that that doesn't really fit in the Dakotas. Kristi never did anything really and that's what Dakotan's want more of.
Well then, she'll be a perfect fit for a Congress that hasn't done shit for years.
This highfalutin college boy thinks he's better than the Dakotas. Probably drives some fag Prius.
The two are inextricably linked. She's saying both that he spent too little time in the state, and that that time was spent doing "liberal" things. You know, bettering yourself and your society through continued learning.
Believme, had he spent the same amount of time out of state, but had been logging in the northern woods of Minnesota or driving cattle in Montana, we wouldn't be seeing this ad. It's just as much as what he was doing out of state as it was the fact that he was out of state.
You know who else preferred corndogging over protecting taxpayers?
Herbert Hoover?
J Edgar Hoover?
Bill Clinton? Oh, sorry, thought you said "horndogging."
The guy who runs that carnival game where you can win a big teddy bear except the baskets are always just a little to small and the balls are way over-inflated?
Marcus Bachmann?
Scotland AND Morocco? Obviously this radical has an unhealthy obsession with Moors.
nice.
Maybe his girlfriend is named Heather and his middle name is Othello.
Kristi just wants to grouse about them.
OT, but bad news for our good friend Silvio Berlusconi. Hope they don't send him to one of them there Bunga-Bunga prisons.
yeah soured my day.
That poor, rapey billionaire. What is this world coming to?
點心 Mao! Mao!
Jägermeister, or as we refer to it in Denver – 'fine German wine'.
Does Kristie shoot guns?Because that's a deal breaker in S.D.
Okay, first "Matt Varilek traveled to ARAB ISLAM-INFESTED MARRAKESH MOROCCO," and then the graphic showed his plane "targeting" DC.
My my my. Whatever could you be implying, Kristi Noem?
Kristi Noem can't even edit a decent PowerPoint slide and we are to believe in Congress she will be "HELPING TO BALANCE THE BOOKS AND" and what?
FIRE THE DISHWASHER
PAY OFF THE HEALTH INSPECTOR
CONDUCT CAPITOL TOURS
She's got Bachmann eyes!
Why don't they exploit the shit out of THAT pic?
Matt Varilek was "corn dogging" again…
Sounds like they're blowing a dog whistle.
You know who else likes corn dogging? The Bachmanns.
Corn libel! Dog libel!!
Corn dog libel? Them's fightin' words.
On a personal note, I don't like Corn Dogs or Jagermeister, but putting Jager is a fucking Luge sounds fucking epic. This guy sounds awesome.
Silly Democrats, with their foolish ideas that we should have educated people run the government. That just lead to dangerous things like ideas and thought. God will not be please.
Under 2001 accomplishments they forgot to add – Fluffer for farm's prize bull.
So…..Varilek is a smart guy who knows how to throw a hell of a party. Who's this commercial for?
Theodore Roosevelt — shunned America and went gallivanting around Cuba, Brazil, Germany, Italy, Egypt, Kenya and Uganda like he's some kind of big shot.
Boo Radley — stayed right here in Maycomb, Alabama.
Who do you trust to represent you?
Note on Congressional elections.
In 34 of 50 states there is a republican majority in the count of congress members.
So, if or when, a tie in the electoral votes goes to Congress each state gets one vote and the ranking state congress member polls his state delegation and reports the results to the sitting President Pro Temp of the Senate (Joe Biden).
So, it is likely that in the event of a tie in the electoral votes Mitt Romney will win.
Right now there are eleven states where a flip of one Republican congress member to Democrat will change that majority to Democratic.
Unfortunately, those ten states include several single representative states like Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota, Alaska where the likelihood of a Democratic win is very poor. So the count falls to four states.
But an interesting situation since the numbers on re-election of congress members is very interesting. There are considered to be 21 toss up Congressional Districts and none of them are held by a Democratic incumbent.
O.K., this time I read the post. Matt Varilek is awesome! Jager, Corn Dogs, and clean air. What more could South Dakotans want?
Sammiches! And soybeans. And women who look like Snowbilly von Bachmann.
Dirty hippie – probably composts.
Probably one of those snobs who knows about integrated pest management and that chlorofluroucarbons concentrate in breast tissue.
Has Matt Varilek produced his transcripts, yet?
And his passport applications. And a video of his birth.
I weep for thee, South Dakota.
I am from South Dakota and was studying (definitely not proselytizing) in FRAUNCE in 2001. I then went on to get TWO Master's degrees. I am soooo overqualified to represent SD in Congress.
'Does Matt Varilek wear glasses, and if so, when will South Dakota gift him with the “re-education” he so obviously needs? '
I haven't heard a good Pol Pot joke in ages. Thanks for the memories, Becca.
Smart people give me the willies.
BURN HIM!
ON A PILE OF BOOKS!!!!!1
And forged ballots!
Kristi Hoem didn't graduate college until this year, at the age of 40. Not that there's anything wrong with going back to school later in life, but everything about this woman's life screams insecurity about her underachievements.
Edit: O HAI U GUYS, have you seen this? (from Ye Olde Wikipedia)
At least she is running for Congress (or is that U.S. Senate? Ermagerd!) under her original name. Unlike the dude who's running for Congress in (Illinois? Help me out here) under a new last name and just happens to have a fairly long police record in his original last name. And of course, he's a Republican.
Hey! We've all done things we're not proud of…for years at a time…
Just like my son and his two master's degrees………….patently overqualified………
Tough choice, an elite corn dogger or someone endorsed by the soybean association.
Kristi looks stupid. I live in rural Iowa, and I know that look.
"Or this nice lady with the awesome hair …"
Bleech. People should vote against her on the basis of those "chunky" highlights if nothing else.
Who do you want representing you, South Dakota?
Awww, bless your little heart, Rebecca! Just the fact that you can ask is so cute! Look, it's a "red" state, so if you put "farmer" in front of ANYTHING, it's like an automatic to be number one in the hearts of the people! "Young farmer of the year"? Election's over.
That works out to be only 1.2 beers per corn dog. Not much of a party really. More like lunch.
Teabagger Noem has been ducking debates with Varilek all season, purrr-haps because he'd be pretty certain to beat her like a rented mule if they ever met in that format.
Alas, avoidance strategy seems pretty likely to work for her this cycle.
Has Kristi ever actually left South Dakota? I think Washington might be a little scary for her.
Wine that ISN'T Peter Vella? It's like a foreign country!
Washington state? Cuz yeah, the ocean, the grunge, the coffee… Phew!
I think she'll make a fine running mate for future GOP presidential candidate Dwayne Elizondo Camacho.
If the financial sector wants to pull money out of America and invest it in developing economies like South Korea's, that's fine with me. Top down development can be very successful when conditions are right, so go for it. They could just say so though. Do they really have to hoodwink the naive with this sh*t and stir up troubles here? I guess that's their answer to averting any significant populous push-back.
And what did Matt Varilek "learn" at his fancy foreign graduate school?
* That man is causing the world to get warmer
* That government creates jerbs
* That government bureaucrats should make healthcare decisions
* Make bullet points parallel
Y'all can laugh — but I guarAntee she herself shot and stuffed that animal she wearin' on her head!
Han:
Made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs
Has been to more systems than most empire Star Destroyers
Shot first
Has excellent relations with the Wookies
Completed first-hand research with carbonite thermal technology
Luke:
Bullseyed womprats with his T-16
Is clueless about Sand People on his his home planet
Is an orphan
Cares more about power converters for his vaporator farm than galactic politics
Has excellent relations with the Elderly locals
Who do you want representing Tatooine?
150 lbs of ice? I'll bet that cost at least 20 bucks, way to go with the wasteful spending you pinko democrat!!
Just figured it out, she looks like Betty Bowers with her hair in a loose bun, ala that quitter from Alaska.
Yay, South Dakota! We FUCKING RULE. <weeps quietly in corner of basement>
this was a joke right? some smartass wonketteer mocking baggers? right???
RIGHT!?!?!?
(wtf america????)
Somewhere, George McGovern is laughing his ass off.
Of crying his ass off.
You know what I learned from this ad? Matt Varilek is truly the Most Interesting Man in the World.
Stay hungry (for corndogs), my friends.
Needs more Hurricane Sandy.
Finding out about the illegal Messicans employed by her at her Beanery in three…..two…..one…..
Pics or it didn't happen.
You have bird feeders? You just made my heart smile. I have 200 finches and a whole lot of pigeons that I feed 4 times a day. You are my new best friend.
Yes, mam! Four of 'em, one on each corner of our lot. We have two cats and I set the feeders up so they'd have something to watch whilst Joaquin's at his office and I'm in class – kitty TV!
Florida is on one of the two North American migration routes, so we get a bit of everything, depending on the time of year (even a few finches!), but mostly we get doves (mourning and ring-neck), parrots (quaker and conures), blue-jays, cardinals, grackles, and, of course, a gajillion squirrels…
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