SCARY MOVIES  12:02 pm October 26, 2012

South Dakota GOP Halloween Tale Of Terror: Dirty Hippie Running For Congress Went To Cambridge, Has Master’s Degree

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Real Murkin, not like that other commie fagWho do you want representing you, South Dakota? A disgusting hippie who loves “cap and trade” and taught at the Biosphere and has a master’s degree? Or this nice lady with the awesome hair who was named “young farmer of the year” by the “Waterstown JC” (?) and who didn’t whore herself out to Big Education? We are fairly sure the answer is self-evident! For instance, take a look at the picture above. See all the nice things Kristi Noem was doing in 2001? Awesome. What was her filthy radical opponent doing at the time? GOING TO CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY like a common intellectual. Which leaves unanswered the very important questions: Does Matt Varilek wear glasses, and if so, when will South Dakota gift him with the “re-education” he so obviously needs?

Do not watch if you don’t want to see terrifying footage of Matt Varilek drinking Jaeger and eating corndogs and other super-obviously-un-American type things.

Luckily, Tea Party favorite Congresswoman Noem has about twice as much cash on hand as this … freak Varilek. And so the Republic may stand for yet another day.

 
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{ 208 comments }

weejee October 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

♪♫ Tumbling along with the tumbling tumbleweeds grifterweeds ♫♪

Lou Sarah II ?????

kittensdontlie October 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Our beloved moose murderess is IRREPLACEABLE.

kittenbomb October 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Milan, Italy? He was probably doing other disgusting things, like eating pasta, looking at fine architecture and drinking wine that is not mass produced at Boone's Farm. Traitor!

elviouslyqueer October 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Plus, he probably bought clothes at those fancy Eye-talean faggy designer boo-teeks rather than doing his clothes shopping at all-American stores like Wal-Mart. BOOOOOO.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Does Armani even make overalls?

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I saw that guy on the Montenapoleone back in '03!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

He probably bought a Gucci handbag for his "wife," just proving that he is a Socialist Homosexual.

Franknflower October 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Wine coolers are the closest anyone in South Dakota gets to drinking wine.

rickmaci October 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

We say spaghetti they say pasta
We say Pak ee stan they say Pah key stawn
We say nukular the say nuclear.

What snobs.

RomneysLogCabin October 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Global Warming…psshhht, it's cold outside. Stupid Liberals.

GunToting[Redacted] October 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I know! I had to wear a jacket on my walk this morning.

Barbara_ October 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

The "incubator of radical environmental ideas?" I hate people like this, global warming warning freaks and tree hugging bitches that they are. Everyone knows that global warming is a hoax.

Now if you will forgive me, I need to order some supplies for my daughter, who is hunkering down for "Frankenstorm."

nounverb911 October 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Al Franken is visiting?

kittenbomb October 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

No, "Frankenstorm" is that Tim Burton movie all the kids are talking about.

LibertyLover October 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

You're thinking of Frankenwienie — the tale of Lorena Bobbitt's husband.

Mumbletypeg October 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I'm looking forward to the geographically accurate layout of the storm's path as the Senator speed-sketches it for us, perhaps while whistling "Beyond the Sea"~

SorosBot October 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

God I hope that fizzles out; I'm supposed to be flying Tuesday evening.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm

It's passing by here right now – lotta wind, some rain…eh…

Barbara_ October 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Stay safe, Kitty!

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Aww, we're snug as lil' bugs here. Me and my bf are both Florida natives, so we know how to handle hurricanes. My biggest concern was filling all the birdfeeders up before it got too bad, so the poor lil' things would have something to eat whilst being blown hither and yon by this wind.

*YOU* guys mind y'all are careful, tho!

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I had a meeting scheduled in DC next week, but we've cancelled it. Thank Christ, I really hate to (not) travel in bad weather.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Awww! Congratulations, dude!!! :0)

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Yesterday I heard the the snor'eastercane may delay SorosBot's flight to his new home next week. But then I thought, "What would Herman Cain snoring at Easter have to do with weather? Stupid libruls with their 'global warming'".

Biff October 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

So when do we get to choose a cutesy couples name for youse guys?

Blueb4sinrise October 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

MiSo

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

SorEn?

elviouslyqueer October 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Horny?

SigDeFlyinMonky October 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Japanese soup laced with aphrodisiacs : miso horney.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 11:36 pm

MisSoros?

Mumbletypeg October 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

You mean like "Ben-nifer" or "Brangelina"?

ETA: answered my own question.
Well if y'all go dress up together for Halloween I'm aware there is "stake", "torso", "boss" and "smit'n" anagramized from your names to work with, personally I'm picturing a partly-dismembered yet smitten robot fending off a sexy vampiress with a stake but "smiting" yields possibilities as well.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

What's this? Did I miss hearing wedding bells?

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 12:33 pm

What is this, 1954? No wedding bells, just good old fashioned shacking up.

SorosBot October 26, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Yeah, I think I should probably bring some pillows to the airport with me.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 26, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Nah. Use boxed wine. Drain the sucker to get sleepy on those airport benches, and then re-inflate the bag to use as a pillow. Folds for easy stowage.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Sill Barbara, Weather has no scientific basis and is a total hoax. A storm will only happen if that is what God intends to happen.

Read the Bible People!

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

And if God wants everyone to be killed by the snor'eastercane, then he goddamn (er) will let it happen. Because omnipotent!

sullivanst October 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Sandy missed 4th of July by a wide margin, looks like she might still find Asbury Park, though.

gullywompr October 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

When will these baggers learn that none of their hot candidates are ever going to fuck them?

Nevermind, I know the answer….

Mumbletypeg October 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

But those sultry-yet-sweet objects of fantasy, like all succubi, do "do" it to them… IN THEIR HEADS

Ruhe October 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Reading about how busy she was managing the farm and balancing the books and all I of course thought of the film "Norma Rae" and remembered that scene where Sally Field is ironing the laundry and she tells her loutish husband that if he wants some "lovin" then he should just get behind her at the ironing board and shimmy up her nightgown and… Okay, I'm probably gonna vote for Kristi.

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm

At least having lovely laydeez running for office raises the bar from that boring old standard of "who would you rather have a beer with" to the much more pertinent "who would you rather bone."

viennawoods13 October 26, 2012 at 5:10 pm

You didn't watch the video, right?

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Kristi does look like the evil lovechild of CrazyEyes Bachmann and the Snowbilly.

docterry6973 October 26, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Hot monkey sexytime fucking? No. However, their candidates are most certainly going to fuck them.

nounverb911 October 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

And Noem has a Masters in Bating?

sullivanst October 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Much of that commercial was Masters-baiting.

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 12:55 pm

NOOO. COLLUDGE EDSYOUCAYTION BAAAD!

Gratuitous World October 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Vote for the woman who snorted oxy in a Sturgis Port-o-Pot like a real South Dakotan!

Biff October 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

She looks familiar, but I'll need to see her tramp-stamp to be certain.

dekkoparsnip2 October 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

But did she serve corn dogs at this "family" restaurant she managed? Until we know, we won't understand who hates America more.

bflrtsplk October 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Corn dogs must show seven forms of ID to be served at this family restaurant.

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I wonder if any government loans helped open said restaurant…

CindynEncinitas October 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

She financed it with whore diamonds.

mavenmaven October 26, 2012 at 12:09 pm

And for more obvious choices involving bad taste and Republicans, here's Romney, like a plutocrat out of hell: http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/romne

One_who_wanders October 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Need brain bleach, now.

WhatTheHeck October 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

The republicans keep looking backwards

viennawoods13 October 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I was screaming at Morning Edition this morning. I knew there was a reason I have always hated and despised Meatloaf- and now I know why.

Giveusabob October 26, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Master's Degree or none, Matt is still too close to Biodome-era Pauly Shore to get my vote. Tough luck, Science! Try harder next time!

GregComlish October 26, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"Wheeze the Vote"

Boojum October 26, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Why do you hate Jesusween?

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Shorter Kristi Noem: Do you think I look a bit like Sarah Palin? Do ya huh?

hagajim October 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Also.

CalvinsChoice October 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

You betcha

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 11:39 pm

On her mailers it simply has her picture and reads:

Am I hot/will you go out with me?

Yes:

No:

bflrtsplk October 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I bet he even drinks Perrier with a twist. Rat Commie punk you.

FakaktaSouth October 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

What I want to know is why would someone with that education and access to the UN want to represent South Dakota? Run away! Run away!

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

A valid question, that…

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:11 pm

He's trying to save them from Kristi Noem?

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Hey girl. Worst just-gave-head hairdo of the week, so shut up already.

FakaktaSouth October 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Yeah right, like this bitch has ever done a nice thing for anyone ever in her life. But yes, on the shut up.

Ducksworthy October 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Also FakataSouthdakota.

widestanceromance October 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I made no claim that she was at all nice about it (afterward, she spat with contempt and said, 'good enough for government work').

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Nice.

Detesticle October 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Hahaha. Greatest Ad Ever … for Matt Varilek! He cares AND likes Jager?

Where can I vote for Matt Varilek for president in 2016? I am on board!

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 12:58 pm

He had me the minute they mentioned corn dogs. I lurvve me some corn dogs.

Detesticle October 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm

If this race was in California, he would win 90 percent of the vote from that video ad alone.

Lazy Media October 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Pencil neck geek! Grit-eatin' freak! Thumbsucking peahead with a lousy physique! He's a one-man, no-good losing streak. Nothing but a pencil-neck geek.

Kid_Charlemagne October 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

You really can't go wrong quoting Fred Blassie.

kissawookiee October 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Kristi Noem:

*HELPING TO BALANCE THE BOOKS AND ALSO, TOO

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Helping to balance the books and uh, some, uh. . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and,

sullivanst October 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Yeah, about that.

Who actually tries to balance their books in the real world? How many families, in their ideal world, would save nothing? Does any business want to make exactly zero profit?

kissawookiee October 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I have it on good authority that nobody wins the Miss Rapid City/Badlands tiara without making it thirty yards with a book balanced on her head. So there's that.

kittensdontlie October 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Sounds like she is running a non-profit, and therefore communistic, enterprise.

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

HELPING TO BALANCE THE BOOKS BY MAKING SAMMICHES FOR THE MENFOLK.

ManchuCandidate October 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons."

-Waco Kid

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Ha-HA! I love watching Cleavon Little trying to keep a str8 face during that scene…

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2012 at 1:02 pm

When you think about it, they probably could have made a blooper reel of that movie that was as long and nearly as funny as the movie itself. Why has this not been done?

ttommyunger October 27, 2012 at 7:36 am

"The impenetrable stupidity of the Electorate…" – Mein Kampf.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

So, Church Lady-to-be vs Brainy Frat semi-Douche.

shelwood46 October 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

That was a great ad for Matt Varilek. That guy sounds awesome. Wait, what?

BlueMonkeh October 26, 2012 at 2:12 pm

No shit … I want to party with that guy!

AddHomonym October 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I got the point about halfway through: Kristi Noem – more denimy!

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

And denim is folksy!

CrunchyKnee October 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I'm getting the distinct feeling that these tea-baggers aren't too bright.

Kid_Charlemagne October 26, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Get a brain Moran!

BlueMonkeh October 26, 2012 at 2:13 pm

That ad only made me ask "so I'm supposed to vote for the dummy?"

WhatTheHolyHeck October 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

+ Likes kicky highlights, for Freedom!
+ Once pulled siamese calves backward out of their cowmom's babychute
+ Won 4A recipe contest for Roast Siamese Calves
+ with potato chip topping

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

With French's canned French Fried Onions, to add flavor and crunch!

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Don't you mean Freedom's canned Freedom Fried Onions?

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Yes. Yes, I do.

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Ah, you beat me to it! Dammit!

salt_bagel October 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Presentation: 4/5
Originality: 5/5
Taste: 7/10 needs cheese and Ro-Tel

WhatTheHeck October 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

He visited socialist countries like Scotland and Italy. Must never have signed the Patriot pledge.

pdiddycornchips October 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

And these countries are much closer to North Mali than North Dakota. Can we be sure he wasn't actually training with Al Qaeda?

weejee October 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Masters from Cambridge, meh. If she was a real smartypants it would have been from Oxford (and not meaning Old Miss).

DahBoner October 26, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Why go all the way over to Oxford?

Batesville CC is almost as good…

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"This pinko freek, off gettin' edumacated, instead of stayin' home and cadging federal farm subsidies, like a *REAL* 'Merkin…"

Disassembly October 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Jägermeister? In this country we drink umlaut-free booze, comrade.

kittensdontlie October 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I'd have to see how she sucks corndogs down before I can make a decision.

sullivanst October 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Oh Tea Partiers, you are hilarious.

I think it might be bad, though, that after watching your campaign video, I now support your opponent more.

"Experts, who needs them?"

freakishlywrong October 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Wouldn't it be ironic if she was an arugula farmer?

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

She's got more of a soybean look about her…

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

She DID get an award from the SD Soybean Farmers Assoc. I saw it in the video. It must be true!

starfanglednut October 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm

She's makin' TOFU! Sekrit liberalunatic!

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Not a chance. She grows nothing but 100% American high fructose corn syrup.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Or if she raised crops organically.

SorosBot October 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

If the Republican party continues to treat education and intellectualism as somehow negative and to be mocked, then they just might find that all their candidates end up being complete drooling morons.

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Look how well that worked for the French, after they cut off the heads of all the smart folks in 1787…

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Too late!

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 26, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Already there.

Radiotherapy October 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Know 'em? I just wanna fuck 'em.

GregComlish October 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Wait what? What does Kristi Noem have against Corn Dogs? Corn Dogs are one of the most American foods. Every heartlander knows this. Every heartlander knows it is proper that every political candidates fellate a Corn Dog at the State Fair. How many Corn Dogs have you consumed Kristi? None? Then fuck off and let a Real American do his job.

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Perhaps the SD GOP is averse to corn dogs ever since Marcus Bachmann swallowed, I mean, consumed one so delicately at the Iowa State Fair.

Kid_Charlemagne October 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"Radical Environmental Ideas." You mean like not wanting the world to become a scorched, post-apocolyptic wasteland because of irreversible global warming? He's an Eco-terrorist I tells ya!!

Ducksworthy October 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

George McGovern we never knew ya.

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm

He's rolling over in his freshly dug grave :(

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Matt Varilek: got a world class education, traveled.

Kristi Noem: made sammiches

Which vision of America do YOU want for your children????

Blueb4sinrise October 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Well…….. errrrrrrr…………..ummmmmmmmm………
Sammiches, you say?

MissTaken October 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Mmmm….sammiches…..yum

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Isn't it obvious?

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Sammiches, not corn dogs!

CindynEncinitas October 26, 2012 at 2:05 pm

A corn dog is nothing more than a circular baloney sandwich. Except no mayo.
Cuz only a Canadian would do that. Gross.

ChillBill October 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Mission: Retarded.

SpiderCrab October 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

From George McGovern to Kristi Noem in two generations. Devolution at its anti-Darwinian best.

Ruhe October 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I think you're all reading too much into this. She's not saying that there's anything wrong with the fact that this guy traveled the world and learned all kinds of stuff and is sort of ambitious. It's just that that doesn't really fit in the Dakotas. Kristi never did anything really and that's what Dakotan's want more of.

proudgrampa October 26, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Well then, she'll be a perfect fit for a Congress that hasn't done shit for years.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 1:12 pm

This highfalutin college boy thinks he's better than the Dakotas. Probably drives some fag Prius.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 11:47 pm

The two are inextricably linked. She's saying both that he spent too little time in the state, and that that time was spent doing "liberal" things. You know, bettering yourself and your society through continued learning.

Believme, had he spent the same amount of time out of state, but had been logging in the northern woods of Minnesota or driving cattle in Montana, we wouldn't be seeing this ad. It's just as much as what he was doing out of state as it was the fact that he was out of state.

Pres.Beeblebrox October 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

You know who else preferred corndogging over protecting taxpayers?

BadKitty904 October 26, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Herbert Hoover?

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 12:44 pm

J Edgar Hoover?

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Bill Clinton? Oh, sorry, thought you said "horndogging."

Generation[redacted] October 26, 2012 at 12:45 pm

The guy who runs that carnival game where you can win a big teddy bear except the baskets are always just a little to small and the balls are way over-inflated?

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Marcus Bachmann?

salt_bagel October 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Scotland AND Morocco? Obviously this radical has an unhealthy obsession with Moors.

BaldarTFlagass October 26, 2012 at 12:39 pm

nice.

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Maybe his girlfriend is named Heather and his middle name is Othello.

PubOption October 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Kristi just wants to grouse about them.

gurukalehuru October 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

OT, but bad news for our good friend Silvio Berlusconi. Hope they don't send him to one of them there Bunga-Bunga prisons.

fuflans October 26, 2012 at 5:08 pm

yeah soured my day.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 11:52 pm

That poor, rapey billionaire. What is this world coming to?

DahBoner October 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

點心 Mao! Mao!

CrunchyKnee October 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Jägermeister, or as we refer to it in Denver – 'fine German wine'.

LibertyLover October 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Does Kristie shoot guns?Because that's a deal breaker in S.D.

elviouslyqueer October 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Okay, first "Matt Varilek traveled to ARAB ISLAM-INFESTED MARRAKESH MOROCCO," and then the graphic showed his plane "targeting" DC.

My my my. Whatever could you be implying, Kristi Noem?

James Michael Curley October 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Kristi Noem can't even edit a decent PowerPoint slide and we are to believe in Congress she will be "HELPING TO BALANCE THE BOOKS AND" and what?

FIRE THE DISHWASHER
PAY OFF THE HEALTH INSPECTOR
CONDUCT CAPITOL TOURS

ph7 October 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

She's got Bachmann eyes!

Biff October 26, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Why don't they exploit the shit out of THAT pic?

JustPixelz October 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Matt Varilek was "corn dogging" again…

Sounds like they're blowing a dog whistle.

You know who else likes corn dogging? The Bachmanns.

Corn libel! Dog libel!!

TribecaMike October 27, 2012 at 12:47 am

Corn dog libel? Them's fightin' words.

GregComlish October 26, 2012 at 12:33 pm

On a personal note, I don't like Corn Dogs or Jagermeister, but putting Jager is a fucking Luge sounds fucking epic. This guy sounds awesome.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Silly Democrats, with their foolish ideas that we should have educated people run the government. That just lead to dangerous things like ideas and thought. God will not be please.

outragedcitizen October 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Under 2001 accomplishments they forgot to add – Fluffer for farm's prize bull.

axonneuron October 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

So…..Varilek is a smart guy who knows how to throw a hell of a party. Who's this commercial for?

CthuNHu October 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Theodore Roosevelt — shunned America and went gallivanting around Cuba, Brazil, Germany, Italy, Egypt, Kenya and Uganda like he's some kind of big shot.

Boo Radley — stayed right here in Maycomb, Alabama.

Who do you trust to represent you?

James Michael Curley October 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Note on Congressional elections.

In 34 of 50 states there is a republican majority in the count of congress members.
So, if or when, a tie in the electoral votes goes to Congress each state gets one vote and the ranking state congress member polls his state delegation and reports the results to the sitting President Pro Temp of the Senate (Joe Biden).
So, it is likely that in the event of a tie in the electoral votes Mitt Romney will win.
Right now there are eleven states where a flip of one Republican congress member to Democrat will change that majority to Democratic.
Unfortunately, those ten states include several single representative states like Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota, Alaska where the likelihood of a Democratic win is very poor. So the count falls to four states.
But an interesting situation since the numbers on re-election of congress members is very interesting. There are considered to be 21 toss up Congressional Districts and none of them are held by a Democratic incumbent.

gurukalehuru October 26, 2012 at 12:39 pm

O.K., this time I read the post. Matt Varilek is awesome! Jager, Corn Dogs, and clean air. What more could South Dakotans want?

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Sammiches! And soybeans. And women who look like Snowbilly von Bachmann.

LibrarianX October 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Dirty hippie – probably composts.

CindynEncinitas October 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Probably one of those snobs who knows about integrated pest management and that chlorofluroucarbons concentrate in breast tissue.

HarryButtle October 26, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Has Matt Varilek produced his transcripts, yet?

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm

And his passport applications. And a video of his birth.

owhatever October 26, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I weep for thee, South Dakota.

finette_ October 26, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I am from South Dakota and was studying (definitely not proselytizing) in FRAUNCE in 2001. I then went on to get TWO Master's degrees. I am soooo overqualified to represent SD in Congress.

Fred_Wertham_Jr October 26, 2012 at 1:00 pm

'Does Matt Varilek wear glasses, and if so, when will South Dakota gift him with the “re-education” he so obviously needs? '

I haven't heard a good Pol Pot joke in ages. Thanks for the memories, Becca.

Esteev October 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Smart people give me the willies.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

BURN HIM!

ON A PILE OF BOOKS!!!!!1

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 11:54 pm

And forged ballots!

Tequila Mockingbird October 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Kristi Hoem didn't graduate college until this year, at the age of 40. Not that there's anything wrong with going back to school later in life, but everything about this woman's life screams insecurity about her underachievements.

Edit: O HAI U GUYS, have you seen this? (from Ye Olde Wikipedia)

From 1989 to 2010, Noem received 27 traffic citations, including 20 for speeding,[65] as well as several for stop sign and seat belt violations, and no driver's license. She also received failure to appear notices, and two arrest warrants were issued. Noem said, "I'm not proud of my driving record, but [I've] been working hard to be a better example to young kids and young drivers out there."[66] She had paid her fines and penalties by August 2010.

PugglesRule October 26, 2012 at 1:22 pm

At least she is running for Congress (or is that U.S. Senate? Ermagerd!) under her original name. Unlike the dude who's running for Congress in (Illinois? Help me out here) under a new last name and just happens to have a fairly long police record in his original last name. And of course, he's a Republican.

CindynEncinitas October 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Hey! We've all done things we're not proud of…for years at a time…

dennis1943 October 26, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Just like my son and his two master's degrees………….patently overqualified………

BS4Dummies October 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Tough choice, an elite corn dogger or someone endorsed by the soybean association.

Designer_Rants October 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Kristi looks stupid. I live in rural Iowa, and I know that look.

Terry October 26, 2012 at 1:24 pm

"Or this nice lady with the awesome hair …"

Bleech. People should vote against her on the basis of those "chunky" highlights if nothing else.

Antispandex October 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Who do you want representing you, South Dakota?

Awww, bless your little heart, Rebecca! Just the fact that you can ask is so cute! Look, it's a "red" state, so if you put "farmer" in front of ANYTHING, it's like an automatic to be number one in the hearts of the people! "Young farmer of the year"? Election's over.

gigihopes October 26, 2012 at 1:43 pm

That works out to be only 1.2 beers per corn dog. Not much of a party really. More like lunch.

oenspiek October 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Teabagger Noem has been ducking debates with Varilek all season, purrr-haps because he'd be pretty certain to beat her like a rented mule if they ever met in that format.

Alas, avoidance strategy seems pretty likely to work for her this cycle.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 26, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Has Kristi ever actually left South Dakota? I think Washington might be a little scary for her.

kyeshinka October 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Wine that ISN'T Peter Vella? It's like a foreign country!

CindynEncinitas October 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Washington state? Cuz yeah, the ocean, the grunge, the coffee… Phew!

BoroPrimorac October 26, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I think she'll make a fine running mate for future GOP presidential candidate Dwayne Elizondo Camacho.

Arishii October 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

If the financial sector wants to pull money out of America and invest it in developing economies like South Korea's, that's fine with me. Top down development can be very successful when conditions are right, so go for it. They could just say so though. Do they really have to hoodwink the naive with this sh*t and stir up troubles here? I guess that's their answer to averting any significant populous push-back.

Poindexter718 October 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

And what did Matt Varilek "learn" at his fancy foreign graduate school?
* That man is causing the world to get warmer
* That government creates jerbs
* That government bureaucrats should make healthcare decisions
* Make bullet points parallel

AtwatersGhost October 26, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Y'all can laugh — but I guarAntee she herself shot and stuffed that animal she wearin' on her head!

BoatOfVelociraptors October 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Han:
Made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs
Has been to more systems than most empire Star Destroyers
Shot first
Has excellent relations with the Wookies
Completed first-hand research with carbonite thermal technology

Luke:
Bullseyed womprats with his T-16
Is clueless about Sand People on his his home planet
Is an orphan
Cares more about power converters for his vaporator farm than galactic politics
Has excellent relations with the Elderly locals

Who do you want representing Tatooine?

Pithaughn October 26, 2012 at 4:32 pm

150 lbs of ice? I'll bet that cost at least 20 bucks, way to go with the wasteful spending you pinko democrat!!

Pithaughn October 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Just figured it out, she looks like Betty Bowers with her hair in a loose bun, ala that quitter from Alaska.

dial_m October 26, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Yay, South Dakota! We FUCKING RULE. <weeps quietly in corner of basement>

fuflans October 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

this was a joke right? some smartass wonketteer mocking baggers? right???

RIGHT!?!?!?

(wtf america????)

unclejeems October 26, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Somewhere, George McGovern is laughing his ass off.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Of crying his ass off.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 11:32 pm

You know what I learned from this ad? Matt Varilek is truly the Most Interesting Man in the World.

Stay hungry (for corndogs), my friends.

TribecaMike October 27, 2012 at 1:22 am

Needs more Hurricane Sandy.

ttommyunger October 27, 2012 at 7:42 am

Finding out about the illegal Messicans employed by her at her Beanery in three…..two…..one…..

Boojum October 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Pics or it didn't happen.

Barbara_ October 26, 2012 at 11:23 pm

You have bird feeders? You just made my heart smile. I have 200 finches and a whole lot of pigeons that I feed 4 times a day. You are my new best friend.

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 10:43 am

Yes, mam! Four of 'em, one on each corner of our lot. We have two cats and I set the feeders up so they'd have something to watch whilst Joaquin's at his office and I'm in class – kitty TV!

Florida is on one of the two North American migration routes, so we get a bit of everything, depending on the time of year (even a few finches!), but mostly we get doves (mourning and ring-neck), parrots (quaker and conures), blue-jays, cardinals, grackles, and, of course, a gajillion squirrels…

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