the jerk store called and it is running out of biden

Mean Jerk Joe Biden Didn’t Send Aide A Thank-You Note Until He Asked, And Other Halloween Tales Of Horror

Look at this guy thinks he's so coolSorry, old ladies, but Old Handsome Joe Biden may be old and he may be handsome, but he is NOT the world’s greatest lover of all humanity (especially old ladies) that you think he is! Once, he didn’t even send one of his aides, this swell fellow Jeff Connaughton, a thank-you note for fundraising for him until Connaughton “dropped a hint that he wanted one.” And another time, Connaughton became a lobbyist, and Joe Biden never “lifted a finger” to help the newly minted lobbyist’s clients! There is a whole book what has been wrote on these terrible slights that Mean Jerk Joe Biden did to this incredibly loyal fellow, and Politico has written about it, and we have copy and pasted the “good bits” (the ENRAGING bits!!!) of Joe Biden’s Mean Jerkness. Be prepared to put away your love for Joe Biden as with all other childish things, because you will be shaking your head at the man’s cold ambition and coldness and refusal to help lobbyists. Like, what is the world EVEN COMING TO?

You guys, not only did Mean Jerk Joe Biden not send dude a thank you note until dude dropped a hint that he wanted one, but he also treated young aides poorly!

He tells of raising money for the senator and getting little in the way of appreciation – not even a thank-you note until he dropped a hint he wanted one – and of Biden treating young aides poorly.

“Later in the campaign, a twenty-three-year-old fundraising staffer got into a car with Biden with a list of names and phone numbers: ‘Okay, Senator, time to do some fundraising calls,’” Connaughton writes. “Biden looked at him and said, ‘Get the f**k out of the car.’”

Hahaha, we wish we had been a 23-year-old who was like “Okay, Senator, time to do some fundraising calls”! Because that would mean we were a 23-year-old with some BRASS (brass testicles. That is what “brass” means, in case you didn’t know why everyone laughed when Bill Clinton said it about Punk Ryan).

“His ambitions, I was coming to understand, were mainly about himself,” writes the former staffer.

Connaughton did wind up landing the White House job and ultimately made his way along the well-trod path to K Street, joining Covington & Burling and wasn’t disappointed enough in Biden to not use the senator to his benefit.

“In my new career as a lobbyist, I dropped Biden’s name shamelessly,” writes Connaughton. “Perpetuating the myth that I was close to him enhanced my cachet and standing in Washington. It was like a political version of codependency.

“Co-” is the operative prefix, and it does not sound as if Biden were “co-” dependent back. The word you are likely looking for is “parasitism.”

Biden’s slights could be painful, but it seemed too late to break ranks, even though the relationship never actually helped me when I went to work with [Washington lawyer-lobbyist] Jack [Quinn]. Biden never lifted a finger for me or for one of my clients.”

Wait, so a guy is writing an entire book about Mean Jerk Joe Biden being a Mean Jerk because he didn’t ooze cronyism all over Washington lobbyists? Huh. Well, we’ll be sure to alert CREW. We imagine they will put Mean Jerk Joe Biden in Ethics Jail.

Connaughton briefly returned to Bidenworld in the days after the 2008 election, but quickly had to resign his position as chair of the vice-president’s inaugural committee because of the new administration’s tough rules on lobbyists.

“It didn’t seem fair,” he writes. “Biden had never helped me once as a lobbyist, yet I was paying the price.”

Is there more? Yes. There is more, and it is about what a loyal fellow dude is, and the tragedy of the world.

Connaughton recounts the conversation he had with his father upon quitting the political game.

“ ‘I can’t believe after all those years of blood and sweat for Biden he never even gave you a crumb,’ ” he writes of his dad’s reaction. “I didn’t even know how to put any context around that for him, it’s just too complicated. I’d learned the hard way: loyalty for loyalty’s sake is a fraud. I was guilty.”


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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    1. MaxUdargo

      "I’d learned the hard way: loyalty for loyalty’s sake is a fraud. I was guilty.”

      That lesson, Little Bear, was the gift you got from Joe Biden in return for your services. Maybe next time you set out to serve the public, you'll do it because you believe in what you're doing, and not because you expect patronage. Just a thought, maybe?

    1. Loch_Nessosaur

      And I thought I had the special relationship with Obama, Michelle, Biden and, my long distance lover, Axelrod.

    2. DemmeFatale

      I keep getting the totally rude ones saying I have given 0.00.
      I gave through Act Blue (which doesn't seem to count), and have spent a lot at their "store" on crap (which I have yet to receive).

  1. Lascauxcaveman

    You know, now that I think of it, Old Handsome Joe has never fellated me – not even once – after all the nice things I've said about him in these Wonkette comment sections.

    The hell with that guy. I'm voting for Nader.

      1. PsycWench

        Biden threw wadded up paper at trash basket, missed, and did not immediately get up to put it in basket properly.

          1. noodlesalad

            One time Joe Biden just kind of rolled through a stop sign, he didn't even come to a full stop! Reckless and misanthropic.

          2. sullivanst

            When Biden puts something in the trash and notices it's full, he leaves it for someone else to change the bag.

      2. elviouslyqueer

        Biden just left all his dirty clothes in a pile at the foot of the bed. Oh, and he refused to put down the toilet seat or make sure the toilet paper rolled down instead of up.

    1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Biden always leaves, like, half an ounce of coffee in the pot and never makes a fresh pot! AND he leaves the burner on! Bastard!

    2. doloras

      Biden farted and blamed it on Bo Obama.

      Biden ripped pages out of my copy of "Sexual Secrets".

      Biden slipped my wife the tongue.

  2. Terry

    "And another time, Connaughton became a lobbyist, and Joe Biden never “lifted a finger” to help the newly minted lobbyist’s clients! "

    And this is a bad thing how?

    Connaughton sounds like a whiny little git.

    1. miss_grundy

      He was lucky Biden didn't ask him for ten percent of his salary as payment for using his name all around town to get clients and all that juicy lobbyist money.

        1. Blueb4sinrise

          Petulant Dick

          And now I imagine a series of 'From Riches to Not -as- much- More -Riches as I had Hoped For' stories of a young lobbyist's struggles to make it in D.C.

    1. Barbara_

      I hope that email is real. I would feel so foolish if I emailed someone else. Lesson learned from the cable guy and his having a "mammogram van."

  3. Ruhe

    "…what a loyal fellow dude is…" Dude is most certainly not a Dude. Dude rules preclude this kind of whining and tatle-tailing.

      1. kittensdontlie

        After leaving Biden's abuse, he came back for more with the Inaugural. This book is destined to be a Lifetime Movie.

  4. PsycWench

    Yeah, I had a job and my boss seemed to think that paying me and not firing my ass was some kind of sufficient compensation. Especially since it was the compensation that would specifically described in my contract.

    1. One_who_wanders

      Especially if I then leveraged that job into a better-paying, more prestigious job based almost entirely on the fact that I had the first job.

  5. Schmannnity

    So unlike hero Rep. Ryan who opposed the bailout and then wrote letters asking for bailout cash. Talk about self sacrifice!

    1. Esteev

      The Andrea Doria eased into the water like an old man into a nice warm bath. That I assume Joe didn't add bubbles to.

  6. Failed_2_Menace

    Shorter version: Miss Moneypenny pissed to discover that the pens in the office supply bin don't double as firearms.

  7. FakaktaSouth

    What the fuck ever, if I was lucky enough to get in Joe Biden's car, "Fund" raising would be the LAST thing on my mind, but he would DEFINITELY write me a thank you note. I'm kidding, kidding, I'm sure I'd be the one thanking him for letting me ride in his lap.

  8. BerkeleyBear

    The fact this guy's world view is so inverted that he sees public service as bullshit because there wasn't a quid pro quo – and sees nothing weird about accusing someone of not paying him off as if it were a character defect – tells you just about all you need to know about why politicians have a hard time actually accomplishing anything that might help people who can't afford lobbyists.

  9. iTuna

    Thank-you note? For doing his job?

    "You never even say thank you!" "THAT'S WHAT THE MONEY'S FOR!"

    Joe Biden is Don Draper, on top of every other cool guy he already is.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Don't go insulting insects like that. This dud is more like a speck of rhinovirus – doesn't kill, just annoys you and makes your head hurt.

  10. rickmaci

    “Biden had never helped me once as a lobbyist,…" Am I the only one that is NOT seeing a problem here? This guy Connaughton has self defined himself as clueless. Seems like he flushed his career away for 15 minutes of fame on a blog site the almost no one reads.

  11. calliecallie

    That Old Handsome Joe Biden doesn't lift a finger to help whining parasitic lobbyists only makes me love him more!

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    I bet this guy is one of those youngsters, of which there seems to be so many these days, that was raised to believe that he was "special."

    1. HELisforHEL

      Those precious cargo darlings who wore a #1 on their singlet in the kid's foot race. Every one of them with a #1. Because that's a good life lesson–that 'sometimes you win and sometimes you lose' is somehow not appropriate for children to learn.

      I blame my generation of asshats who spent all their time just skimming by in class because, in the 70's, it was very easy to do. We were the post-Vietnam kids who didn't have a looming draft number, and so many folks seemed to tune out any interest in world politics.
      I swear most of these clueless dopes have ended up being Reagan-worshipping Jeebus freak breeding machines who are afraid of not being cool in their kid's eyes and therefore have never taught them humility or disciplined them in any meaningful way. So now, a couple of generations are boiling over with self-centered, whiny attention whores who think the world should somehow bend to their every whim (his father's response says it all).

      Thank you, Uncle Joe, for treating this little turd the way he should be treated.

      Wow, old crabby lady is old and crabby today hahaha

  13. sullivanst

    Dear Jeff C,

    Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, Joey B's loyalty lies not with shitstain lobbyists like yourself, weasling their way through the corridors of power for the purpose of monetizing it later, but in fact where it should lie, with his constituents and his country?


  14. edgydrifter

    I envision the fundraising scene in Joe's Trans-Am playing out like the one between Elaine and Keith Hernandez:
    Connaughton: "Who does this guy think he is?"
    Biden: "I'm Joe Fucking Biden!"

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      She's American made, you know what I mean?
      Red on black, she's a street machine.
      Set's ten inches off the ground with a custom plate
      That says I-E-A-T
      Trans Am
      Trans Am
      Trans Am
      Beltway Wonderland.

  15. Oblios_Cap

    Connaughton comes across as the big asshole here. I don't see where Joe did anything wrong or dickish here.

    Be prepared to put away your love for Joe Biden

    You can have my Biden love when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers!

  16. LibertyLover

    “Later in the campaign, a twenty-three-year-old fundraising staffer got into a car with Biden with a list of names and phone numbers…"

    But did they hit any deer and assume that it was dead? No, I think not.

  17. magic_titty

    Wait a second. This is an argument against Joe Biden? He's not into cronyism and playing favorites, so he sucks?

    Well then.

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    I guess it would be shooting themselves in the foot for the big pharmaceutical companies to develop and manufacture a fungicide that was effective in getting rid of lobbyists.

  19. ElPinche

    They say there are no such things as monsters. They are wrong. Biden is Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, and George Jefferson rolled into one.

  20. RomneysLogCabin

    This lobbyist needs to go hunting with Dick Cheney–I hear his thank you notes are memorable.

  21. fawkedifiknow

    I'm disappointed with Biden.

    My disappointment is that he would have such a twatwaffle on his staff in the first place.

  22. zumpie

    That does it! Henceforth, all my old man love is officially transferred to pissy old grandma man, turkey faced John Sununu! He is a wonderful human being, who always says such classy things!

  23. Mumbletypeg

    “In my new career as a lobbyist, I dropped Biden’s name shamelessly,” writes Connaughton. “Perpetuating the myth that I was close to him enhanced my cachet and standing in Washington. It was like a political version of codependency."

    What strikes me is how he sounds like he's bragging. As much about the pimping of his past association with big players as of his well-chosen narissistic "codependent" spin on it.

  24. BlueStateLibel

    When Biden told the weasel lobbyist to get the f**k out of the car, was the car moving? Hope it was.

  25. PsycWench

    “Biden looked at him and said, ‘Get the f**k out of the car.’”
    This is consistent with what I learned about men as a young single PsycWench: They tell you they want you to be completely honest with them, and then they get all pissy when you do.

  26. iburl

    So he got a "Thank You" after the lobbyist hinted he wanted one? I would have told him to suck it up and be a man/woman. Be a f***king man, Jeff Connaughton. Be a man.

  27. BaldarTFlagass

    "loyalty for loyalty’s sake is a fraud. I was guilty."

    Treachery for book advance $$$ is a fraud. You are guilty.

    1. bobbert

      Man, that's a long book review. I'm prepared to believe that there is some content in the book besides pissy anecdotes, but I have to say that the synopsis makes it sound like there is a pretty heavy dose of self-justification.

  28. vulpes82

    Gee, I just can't IMAGINE why Mean Old Handsome Joe didn't bend over backwards to help this guy! He's so selfless and swell!

  29. larrykat

    What else would loyalty be for if not loyalty's sake? I am loyal to my employer as long as they keep sending me that cool cash every two weeks. Other than that, fuck them. (And the word "loyal" is starting to sound funny to me.)

  30. MissTaken

    This is the saddest tale I have ever heard. We should hold a telethon or something for Jeff Connaughton, the loneliest lobbyist.

  31. Lazy Media

    You know what the difference between 23 and 50 is? When somebody doing office-type work acts all tuff and tells me to do something using "fuck" as adjective, I have to restrain myself from giggling.

  32. docterry6973

    So this jerk was so loyal to Biden that he ran off to K Street to cash in, and Biden was so disloyal to this jerk that he would not shower said jerk with taxpayer dollars.

    Somehow this tale of woe makes me feel all stabby.

  33. GregComlish

    “Biden looked at him and said, ‘Get the f**k out of the car.’”

    That is hilarious. I hope he threatened to beat the staffer down with his own sinewy nutsack.

  34. FiscCon

    Maybe Joel Gilbert could make another fantasy docufake movie about this horrible slight that is most likely commie maneuver to take over the world…He really hit NeoCon paydirt with Dreams of My Real Dad…Altho I'd rather see a Mittbot flick…Dreams of my Real Grandfather….Wonder what happened to Mittbot's grandpappy's five wives' zillion kids?

  35. BeefHardcake

    I've read Connaughton's book and it sucked. It was the biggest suck that ever sucked a suck.

    Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad, but man, it was whiny. "Waaaah, I made millions being a Wall Street guy and a lobbyist, and Joe Biden was mean to me!"

  36. BoroPrimorac

    “Later in the campaign, a twenty-three-year-old fundraising staffer got into a car with Biden with a list of names and phone numbers: ‘Okay, Senator, time to do some fundraising calls,’” Connaughton writes. “Biden looked at him and said, ‘Get the f**k out of the car.’”

    Who the fuck is this guy to tell Joe how to live his life? He's lucky Joe didn't grab him by his fucking neck and pushed him out of the car.

  37. PubOption

    "Biden never helped me once as a lobbyist, yet I was paying the price." Sounds like he was paying Joe and getting nothing in return, which is probably why Connaughton is no longer a lobbyist.

  38. DahBoner

    If we only had REPUBLICANS in charge, they would have their heads so far up Lobbyist's asses, they could tell what they ate for lunch.


  39. decentcitizen

    You misrepresented your relationship with Joe to cash in on the fictitious relationship. The problem is not with Joe, it's with you. Dick.

  40. mustangsavvy

    You know….you read these kinds of "expose" and you realize…..some people really are just a sack of shit who honest to goodness believe that the entire fucking world owes them something. Anything….thank you card, quid pro quo, chocolate bars…..Fuck, the sociopaths in the Conservative camp just exhaust me.

  41. ttommyunger

    I am crushed. I now realize what a dick I've been for so many years. All those men doing my bidding, carrying out my commands without fail year after year and not one thank-you note have I written to this day. Worse yet, the ones that didn't comply, I fired. The Horror, the horror…..

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