SCIENCE IS HARD -- PROPAGANDA IS EASY!  4:44 pm October 27, 2012

Cato Institute Helpfully Makes Its Fake Climate Report Look Like Actual Government Climate Report, Except Fake

by Doktor Zoom

Certain subtle differences give away the fake reportRemember a few months ago when hilariously titled fake ripoffs of bestsellers were all over Amazon’s e-book store — 35 Shades of Grey, or I am the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, that sort of thing? The playful jokesters of the Cato Institute are using their Koch Industries Megabux to top that! They will soon release a delightful “spoof” of a 2009 US Government report on climate change, except that where the real report looks at real science, the fake “Addendum” contains the reassuring news that climate change is no big deal, hooray!

The shrill Marxists at Scientific American have the story:

The addendum matches the layout and design of the original, published by the U.S. Global Change Research Program: Cover art, “key message” sections, table of contents are all virtually identical, down to the chapter heads, fonts and footnotes….

“It’s not an addendum. It’s a counterfeit,” said John Abraham, an associate professor at the University of Saint Thomas in Minnesota who studies clean power sources. “It’s a continued effort to kick the can down the road: A steady drip, drip, drip of fake reports by false scientists to create a false sense of debate.”

The 2009 report, available online, was prepared for Congress as “the most comprehensive and authoritative report of its kind” by scientists at the U.S. Global Change Research Program, and its findings are regularly updated by that group (spoiler alert: They have not decided they were wrong).

Cato claims its “Addendum” was driven by “the recognition that the original document was lacking in scope and relevant scientific detail.” For instance, the original report suggested that climate change was already having significant effects, and that we should maybe consider doing something about that, because c’mon, that can’t be right. And they’ve had a fair degree of success getting that message out, as PBS’s Frontline recently explored.

The unflattering imitations start right on the cover of the Cato version, which has the same font, color, and general design, including even a very scientific looking bar graph with global mean temperatures.

Of course, where the real report has a graph covering 108 years of data, showing a sharp rise over time, the Cato graph covers only the last 19 years, and reassuringly shows a random pattern, and not an upward trend. Stop worrying your little heads, you nervous nellies!

Climate Science Watch (the source of the illustration above, before our single improvement) details other subtle adjustments in the Cato presentation of climate science. Notably, not even the Cato Institute seems to feel it can get away with outright denial of global warming; now, it admits “Climate change is unequivocal and human activity plays some part in it,” so instead they mostly just downplay the extent and significance of climate change:

  • Where the 2009 report says “Global temperature has increased over the past 50 years,” the Cato version says there were two periods of warming in the last century. One was absolutely not due to human activity, and OK, maybe the other “has characteristics that are consistent in part with a changed greenhouse effect.”
  • Where the original says, “Climate changes are already affecting water, energy, transportation, agriculture, ecosystems, and health,” the Cato version insists “There is no significant long-term change in US economic output that can be attributed to climate change.”
  • The government scientists say that human health will be affected by “heat stress, waterborne diseases, poor air quality, extreme weather events, and diseases transmitted by insects and rodents,” while Cato’s relentless optimists are quite certain that “There is little relationship between life expectancy, wealth and climate. Even under the most dire scenarios, people will be much wealthier and healthier than they are today in the year 2100.”
  • The capitalism-hating government report thinks compliance with the Kyoto treaty might slow or reduce global warming. The Libertarians at Cato are certain that cheating by China and India means that nothing the developed world does will have any global effect, so let’s not bother.

So, sure, maybe the Cato version deliberately apes the design, layout, and overall feel of a government report, but is anyone likely to be snowed by these deliberate similarities? One climate change denial blogger is quite certain that’s impossible, because if readers “can’t read ‘Cato Institute’ clearly printed on the front and back cover, then they probably aren’t capable of reading and interpreting the original report either.” We guess that settles it!

Scientific American also notes that this isn’t the first attempt by deniers to pass off fake science by making it look like the real thing. In 1998, a petition questioning the science underlying the Kyoto treaty “copied the format and style of a peer-reviewed article” in the very real Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, and in 2009 the Heartland Institute (recently notorious for those “Derp derp the Unabomber believed in global warming” murder billboards) published a fake-science report by the “Nongovernmental International Panel on Climate Change” (NIPCC), a denialist group which just happens to sound a hell of a lot like the UN’s real science comittee, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).

Considering how much wingnuts hate evolutionary theory, this is a remarkable use of the classic evolutionary strategy of adaptive mimicry. (Even creationist Ray Comfort has tried this, releasing an abridged edition of On the Origin of Species with a largely-plagiarized 50-page introduction explaining how evolution is fake.)

Rather than simply pointing out and correcting these shams, though, we think it might be more effective to just join in the fun. We look forward to advertising on conservative websites the newest release from Wonkette Books: Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations, revised and extended by K. Marx and F. Engels.

[Scientific American via Wonkville operative C_R_Eature / PBS Frontline / Climate Science Watch]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 203 comments }

Barbara_ October 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I'm blaming climate change and those damned dancing penguins and their happy feet.

starfanglednut October 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Damn gay penguins, with their radical gay climate change agenda.

weejee October 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Not the ponies?

ShreditorsDesk October 27, 2012 at 5:56 pm

They're UNICORNS!

weejee October 27, 2012 at 7:09 pm

They got horny?

ShreditorsDesk October 27, 2012 at 7:14 pm

You can tell when they fart sparkles and rainbows.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 27, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Please, it's Obama and his smoking.

FlownOver October 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Assume science dead.

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Assume cretins credulous.

LibertyLover October 27, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Assume fake-science bought.

GemlikeFlame October 28, 2012 at 12:11 am

It's not dead. It's just been marginalized by the kind of people who think required immunization against the worst of the childhood viral diseases are a violation of their god given right to stress and possibly collapse an already weakened public health infrastructure (and if our friends in the red states have their way, it'll be a lot easier sooner rather than later.) Middle America is going to so enjoy a recurrence of the bubonic plague, it'll be like God's vengeance or something, and hey, who doesn't enjoy spitting up blood? And, oh, Happy Halloween.

Beowoof October 28, 2012 at 12:34 am

Only for the Anti-intellectual clods on the right. Some of us really like and appreciate things science has brought us. You know like computers, cell phones, airplanes etc.

snowpointsecret October 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I dare them to release it right as millions of people are getting bashed by Hurricane Sandy. I'm not sure the timing could be more perfect to have them fall flat on their faces. Then again maybe the power will be out so nobody will notice.

JustPixelz October 27, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Nice try libtard, but snow storms definitively prove global warming is a hoax while droughts, storms, record temperatures, melting ice caps and so forth are just normal variations.

memzilla October 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Even under the most dire scenarios, people will be much wealthier and healthier than they are today in the year 2100.

The surviving people, that is.

starfanglednut October 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Yeah, the rich. In their bunkers.

MilwaukeeKent October 27, 2012 at 5:46 pm

In Wichita did David Koch a pleasure dome decree…

deanbooth October 27, 2012 at 5:55 pm

This is why we need to lower taxes now!

oenspiek October 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Yes, it will be possible to preserve a nucleus of human specimens, in some of our deeper mine shafts.

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Mr. President, we must not allow a mine shaft gap!

memzilla October 27, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

Native_of_SL_UT October 27, 2012 at 7:24 pm

We will all be much better off in 2100. That's because the Federation will finally be in charge of everything.

JustPixelz October 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Dubya and the Repubicans said pretty much the same thing about their economic policies: Even under the most dire scenarios, people our base will be much wealthier and healthier than they are today in the year 2010.

CthuNHu October 27, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Hey, someone has to be heir to the estates of the late (un)lamented 99%, may they rest in a watery peace.

Pragmatist2 October 27, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Both of them – Adam and Steve.

Biff October 27, 2012 at 11:29 pm

At 148 years old, I don't know how I'm gonna feel about being so wealthy then.

Mumbletypeg October 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Dok it's like My Little Pony is the new Justin Bieber signature-image the way he / she/ it just finds its way into the fray one way or another~

Redgyal October 27, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I find it very reassuring the way the cute little equine cartoon smiles at me from behind the impending doom of man made destruction. Very nice indeed.

Tommmcatt_Again October 27, 2012 at 5:30 pm

It isn't a sex thing? I thought it was some fetish thing.

Corrugated Palin October 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm

No, you're thinking about those Bert photoshops from back around the dawn of the millenium..

Tommmcatt_Again October 27, 2012 at 5:59 pm

So…hot…yummmm…

Tundra Grifter October 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Well, the GNoPee has a fake candidate for President…

Ryy October 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I've never understood why they don't just blame global warming on Obama.

trampndirtdown October 27, 2012 at 8:21 pm

give em time.

bobbert October 28, 2012 at 2:33 am

Globamal Warming.

MinAgain October 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

She blinded me with pseudo-science!

memzilla October 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Interestingly enough, the term "capitalism" was invented by Karl Marx, fifty years after the death of Adam Smith.

Redgyal October 27, 2012 at 5:26 pm

And Smithy boy based his theory on the availability of free or low cost labor so there's that also.

ShreditorsDesk October 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I cautiously await FOX's take on these new revelations.

Designer_Rants October 27, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Doocey's gonna drop some Dooces on us! ("Dooces" are stinky packets of factually-incorrect information).

boskolives October 28, 2012 at 9:00 am

The question of "Is it hot in here or is it you?" is finally being addressed…..

Katydid October 28, 2012 at 9:28 am

I'm waiting for the new Chyron…Climate Change (Democrat)

Biel_ze_Bubba October 29, 2012 at 7:37 am

FOX's take? This bullshit is FOX's reference material.

sbj1964 October 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Fake Science facts are just an expanstion on a theme for the GOP right wing-nuts,they are a party of lies that cater to the most ignorant mothafuckers in America.

starfanglednut October 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I've had it with these motherfucking climate change deniers on this motherfucking plane (of existence)!

Designer_Rants October 27, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I was listening to TOTN the other day and two of "The Elders" (Jimmy Carter and a former Irish President) were on the show. The Irish woman talked about how the entire planet thinks we're fucking ret@rded for having climate deniers in this country – EVEN AFRICANS – because of how many people are already dealing with the effects of global warming.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Sneaky Arctic Pony!

PsycWench October 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

In grad school I had to share an office with a "visiting scientist' who had worked at Cato, and a more unpleasant woman I have yet to meet. Damn you for helping me see why that was.
No, I don't feel sorry for her any more than I pity the Tobacco Institute.

JustPixelz October 27, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I assume Cato Girl was there to learn stenography to better record the research findings of their donors.

PsycWench October 29, 2012 at 11:02 am

It is a mystery to many of us as to her purpose, other than to show us how much a person can complain. Stenography might have been a valid career move.

Callyson October 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Yeah, there is nothing wrong with the weather…Frankenstorm on the East Coast, summer heat that will not fucking go away in Los Angeles…move along folks…

Assholes.

AlterNewt October 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm

What? You don't remember all the times it's been 107 degrees here, in October?

Me either.

imissopus October 27, 2012 at 6:22 pm

No kidding. And this used to be my favorite month weather-wise in L.A.

boskolives October 28, 2012 at 9:04 am

107 degrees = Less tourists roasting in Disneyland.
Locals win!

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Cally, I think you may have forgotten your patented "FFS"… ;0)

Callyson October 27, 2012 at 6:41 pm

LOL…here you go:FFS!

Native_of_SL_UT October 27, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Last year in Utah, they were skiing on the 4th of July and golfing on New Years Day.

Completely normal.

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I'm surprised that Mitt Romney hasn't claimed "skiing on the 4th of July" as part of his miraculous Olympics Turnaround.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 29, 2012 at 7:41 am

I went skiing on the 4th of July, back in the '70s, on Mt. Lassen, where there was still 20 feet of snow. It WAS normal, or at least not unusual, back then — but I bet we won't be seeing much of that in the future.

Incitefully_Joe October 27, 2012 at 10:37 pm

It's not exactly chilly on the not-yet-submerged East Coast, either; I had to pick up some groceries, and went outside in short sleeves. Short sleeves! It's nearly November! Fuck everything!

cheetojeebus October 27, 2012 at 5:13 pm

oh, for crying out loud. This pettiness on their part just makes me sort of slump and sink into my chair. A fucking hurricane, in late October, in the mid Atlantic region? isn't that enough?

fucking dumbass jitbags spend too much time sucking their own balls.

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 5:19 pm

But it will combine with a winter storm and make snow. Is snow warm? It is not. NO GLOBAL WARMING.

Move along, nothing to see.

Redgyal October 27, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Yes, but will it also combine with the hot air coming from the GOP and make the economy recover? Is money warm? I rest my case.

Blueb4sinrise October 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm

I heard that the Chinese have copied the Cato Report and are selling it for mega 元.

ShreditorsDesk October 27, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Ok 'mega 元' is the word for the day.

RomneysLogCabin October 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm

And we thought cheap Chinese knockoffs were the problem.

MonkeyMotion October 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm

The Cato Institute should relocate to south Florida, where it can issue another addendum in 50 years, from UNDERWATER.

weejee October 27, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Zombie Clouseau needz to round-up his manservant.

PsycWench October 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Even under the most dire scenarios, people will be much wealthier and healthier than they are today in the year 2100.”
Do "dire scenarios" include Obama's re-election? I'm glad to see such optimism.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Saturdays with the Propagandists.

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Dr. Goebbels would be proud.

Redgyal October 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Well at least that Public Enemy song may actually be correct.

Designer_Rants October 27, 2012 at 5:58 pm

So many of them may actually be correct. Which one in particular?

starfanglednut October 27, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Fear of a Black Planet, at least.

Damn, now I have to go dust of my PE CD's.

Designer_Rants October 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I was wondering if Redgyal was extrapolating "By The Time I Get To Arizona" to mean the desertification of the planet?

Redgyal October 27, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Yes, that one. And just for clarification I shall copy lyrics below.

I'm just a rhyme sayer
Skins protected 'gainst the ozone layers
Breakdown 2001, might be best to be black
Or just brown countdown

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Those who can, do. Those who can't, Cato.

weejee October 27, 2012 at 5:31 pm

As the dairy-aires and beevers know too well, the cows and cattle of today are all required to read Miss Manners, so there is no more bovine burping or farting at the lot, or pasture, or milk barn, or ballet or wherever they may be.

AlterNewt October 27, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Looking forward to "The Social Contract" ~ from The Heritage Foundation..

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 5:35 pm

"Is it a right to remain ignorant?

I don't know, but I refuse to find out."

~ Calvin & Hobbes

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I assume that Cato is so sure of this that they have set the company BBQ for the Delmar peninsula Tuesday.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I have to wonder, because I have to smoke a lot of weed or drink a ton to ignore facts like Conservatives do.

Designer_Rants October 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm

They need to start piss testing their staff, but not for just any illicit drugs – they need to look for that drug from "Batman Begins" or something.

gingerland62 October 27, 2012 at 5:40 pm

The oceans are dying. I couldn't think of anything funny to say.

Fred_Wertham_Jr October 27, 2012 at 5:40 pm

No need to revise Adam Smith. If any of these idiots actually read his stuff, they'd call him a commie anyhow.

doloras October 27, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Actually, Marx and Engels with their labour theory of value were actually just "revising and expanding" Adam Smith's economics. It's just that after that, mainstream economics decided that if Smith led to Marx and Engels Smith must be wrong, and so brought in that "neoclassical" "marginalist" voodoo nonsense.

Jukesgrrl October 27, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Cato Institute's contribution joins these other works of influential 21st century thinking:

Dasn't Kapital, The Kardashian Manifesto, Mein Koch, Les Misérables R Us, Candida, I Think Therefore I Watch The Learning Channel, Concerning the Principles of TMZ, Atlas Shit, and Thus Spake Honey Boo Boo.

starfanglednut October 27, 2012 at 6:06 pm

ftw.

boskolives October 28, 2012 at 11:12 am

"Mein Koch"? Don't you have a spell checker?

deanbooth October 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm
James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Isn't that an O.J. Simpson quote?

Dudleydidwrong October 27, 2012 at 11:49 pm

The Cato Report was actually written by one Kato Kaelin while driving OJ to his date with destiny. That's why the damn car drove so slow–Kato was writing while steering with his knees. Highly scientific motherfucker, but it took him this long to translate his writing into something resembling human speak

MilwaukeeKent October 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm

What next, Cato's Republic?

FlownOver October 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

More likely Cato's Retreat.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Don't retreat; reload!

bobbert October 28, 2012 at 2:31 am

I didn't give this comment the respect it deserves when I first read it.

James Michael Curley October 27, 2012 at 5:54 pm

You all realize that the BarneyFrankenstorm is headed straight for Delaware and Maryland to remind those who try to upset their state's legislative process with referendum attempting to over through the process.

AlterNewt October 27, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Assume climate clusterfucked.

LibrarianX October 27, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Hoping that Hurricane Sandy goes all Biblical on Cato's ass.

gullywompr October 27, 2012 at 5:59 pm

You heard about their new web site: Wonkster.com? They have a Professor Whiz who writes articles with pictures of Pretty Pony on them.

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Sounds legit to me.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Is that what Ms. Cox is doing instead of writing those books she was supposed to finish?

Abernathy October 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm

“ human activity plays some part in it”

Just imagine one of NY's finest abducted the earth and is slowly roasting it alive.

imissopus October 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm

That Amazon story reminded me of this recent story from Grantland.

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Thanks! There's a certain schlocky awesomeness to those movies. Just knowing that there's a Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus out there is kind of charming.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 10:37 pm

The Day the Earth Derped

cousinitt October 27, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Global warming is the new child rape. No, really. Wonkers, I give you…

"Controversial climate scientist Michael Mann, who helped raise global warming’s profile by representing temperatures as a rapidly escalating “hockey stick,” has filed a defamation lawsuit against skeptics at the National Review and the Competitive Enterprise Institute.
Mann said statements by the two organizations that compared him to convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky were offensive and defamatory, and called them the latest in a series of attacks he and other climate scientists have faced."

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/science/2012/10/23/climate

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Oh, dag, I KNEW I forgot to include something!

FeloniousMonk October 27, 2012 at 6:54 pm

There's a more neutral unfair and unbalanced account at the Grauniad. But thank you for pointing to the faux report, which has a priceless quote from the general counsel at CEI:

“There’s irony in a global warming proponent trying to freeze discussion of this issue,” Kazman told FoxNews.com.

These people's command of the English language is as good as their science.

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Didn't they pull the same stunt on Dr. Alvin Kurtzweil (played by Martin Landau), in "The X Files"?

DemmeFatale October 27, 2012 at 7:51 pm

These scientists have SO much more important stuff to do than deal with swatting these willfully ignorant flies.
I hate them.

calliecallie October 27, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I wish I had something funny to say about global climate change. I want these bastards to burn in hell, but I guess I'll have to settle for their unborn grandchildren.

TootsStansbury October 27, 2012 at 6:50 pm

I thought the Beka Book reviews were on Sundays.

Oh and I hate these assholes.

Dr. Nick Riviera October 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

OT: If Handsome Joe Biden's intent was to scare the crap out of me with his "the republicans have 45 million more in the bank", mission accomplished. Terrified. And I don't have any more money to donate :(

bibliotequetress October 27, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Next week in the Cato Institute Wish Fulfillment series, Gone WIth The Wind is rewritten as Jes Settin' Heah Enjoying a Pleasant Breeze, a historical novel which sets the record straight: the South wins the war, Scarlett discards her headstrong ways and submits to Rhett as his Biblical wife after Tara is rebuilt by their happy, eager slaves.

DemmeFatale October 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

A thousand upfists for you!

Doktor Zoom October 27, 2012 at 9:08 pm

See also Alice Randall's The Wind Done Gone

Biel_ze_Bubba October 29, 2012 at 7:48 am

A re-write, or just an "addendum"?

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm

OT: I hope our Mid-Atlantic/New England Wonklings are safely hunkered down. This "Sandy" is starting to look a mite ugly.

And here's hoping the Obama campaign and the media make a point of publicly thanking Rmoney and the GOP for their ongoing funding cuts to the US Federal Emergency Management Agency and other disaster-preparedness organizations.

You guys mind y'all be *safe*!!!!!

snowpointsecret October 27, 2012 at 8:49 pm

If anyone needed an idea of the scope of this storm, there are high wind watches and warnings in Maine. And Virginia. And as far west as Cleveland.

I'm assuming some people will be gone for a bit with power outages but hopefully everyone's safe out there.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2012 at 8:29 pm

The "perfect storm" of 1991 was a plenty-big nor'easter that swallowed poor unsuspecting Hurricane Grace, absorbing her energy like an alien sucking up her life force. When the resulting monster was done battering the northeast coastline, the remnants of the storm had enough mojo to generate a second full-blown hurricane, which came ashore in Nova Scotia a few days later. It went into the history books (NOT) as the hurricane without a name, because officials didn't want to "confuse" the public.

This one is projected to be bigger. I do hope there are lots of denialists hunkered down in seaside cottages.

Dudleydidwrong October 27, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Here I sit in the middle of the Delmarva peninsula waiting for the Atlantic Ocean and the Chesapeake Bay to meet and wash Salisbury University and a thousand chicken farms all the way to West-by god-Virginia into three feet of snow. We aren't frightened because we can swim, you betcha.

fartknocker October 28, 2012 at 1:47 am

Now would be a good time for our East Coast wonketters to petition the Editorix for an emergency relocation drinky thingy in Austin!

seppdecker October 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm

You'd think Republicans would be happy to recognize climate change so that they could blame their excessive stank on that and not morbid obesity.

bikerlaureate October 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Plagarism is apparently okay too, if the name on the covers is correct.

ElPinche October 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Cato, the McDowell's of institutes. Our research centers have no seeds.

JustPixelz October 27, 2012 at 8:50 pm

From what I've seen, the wingers think the Constitution is also "just a theory that's out there". Especially the parts about equality.

Barrelhse October 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Everyone must be at the dance tonight.

editor October 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

clearly, if you have ideology, you do not need science. true for sex education (just say no, kids), true for global warming (cannot be really happening). who cares about understanding what is, let's focus on what we think should be.

GeorgiaBurning October 27, 2012 at 9:31 pm

That's what keeps theocratic governments and societies on the cutting edge of the 15th century. Except when they get pissed off and want to blow something up.

glamourdammerung October 27, 2012 at 8:57 pm

What does it say about Republicans when they have to resort to transparent lies because that is all they have besides casual racism at this point?

GeorgiaBurning October 27, 2012 at 9:29 pm

they're consistent

tessiee October 27, 2012 at 10:53 pm

What does it say about America that those tactics are working?

M. Bouffant October 27, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Don't forget the woman-hating.

BadKitty904 October 27, 2012 at 11:54 pm

And denying gays their rights as American citizens.

JustPixelz October 27, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Wonkette Books?

Let me offer you the first opportunity to publish my free form, blank verse, avante garde poetry. Poetry is sure be the one bright spot in print media in the coming years. And I know you will want to be on the leading edge of this resurgence. Here is a sample:

O happy words, born of letters, sounds and ethereal thoughts.
Play upon the page. As a child might play with a G I Joe.
Sleep quiet words. Wait for the light to shine upon you as the sun greets the field.
O happy words.

Resurgence of print. Mark my "words".

sullivanst October 27, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Can't we just arrest these guys, ship 'em to the Hague, and have them tried for crimes against humanity, so we don't have to deal with them any more?

Because make no mistake, the concerted attempt to prevent action to mitigate global climate change is a crime against humanity.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 10:52 pm

And, we better do it quickly, because the Dutch'll be under water before you know it.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I favor forcing the fuckers to sit tight in their beachfront homes this week. Probably too late, though — I'm sure they've bailed out even while denying what's happening.

sullivanst October 29, 2012 at 10:30 am

I suspect they've long since closed up the beachhouses and returned to their McMansions inland. We're long past Labor Day, that famous celebration of CEOs.

Freewayblogger October 27, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I'll be introducing a new climate change information campaign on west coast freeways soon. Here's some recent work:
http://freewayblogger.blogspot.com/2012/10/san-fr

Numerically speaking, I may reach even more people than the Cato Institute, but for a whole lot less money.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 9:21 pm

To hell with global warming. I want to see the Gubmint report (and Cato's plagiarized version) on that fucking terrifying giant unicorn pony that's mounting Canada!

DalePues October 27, 2012 at 9:27 pm

It takes a real shitass to lie about the weather.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Swer to god, I see one more pony on the Wonkette, and a certian someone's going to wake with a pony head in their bed tomorrow morning.* lol

*Pony head will be from a naturall deceased pony, so don't kill me, PETA.

Crank_Tango October 27, 2012 at 10:14 pm

She was the best piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had all of 'em, katie.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Is this like when Bush ignored the memo titled "Katrina determined to strike the US"?

tessiee October 27, 2012 at 10:10 pm

"Because the idea that heat melts ice is *just a theory*." — Bill Maher

Crank_Tango October 27, 2012 at 10:12 pm

This just in: I am drunk on rum and rootbeer. Breaking: is ginger ale next? Stay tuned.

MissTaken October 27, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Rum and Dr Pepper is your friend. Good luck!

M. Bouffant October 27, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Oh baby!1!! Used to chug the 151 & DP. Woooo!!

sudsmckenzie October 27, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Rum and "soft drinks" is the alcohol speed ball. In the name of all that's holy, buy some ginger beer and make a dark and stormy.
http://www.esquire.com/drinks/dark-and-stormy-dri

Remember LIME JUICE IS OPTIONAL!!2

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 10:30 pm

LIME JUICE IS NEVER OPTIONAL HOW DARE YOU SIR

Crank_Tango October 27, 2012 at 10:48 pm

I tried to avoid caffeine, "but just in case" I got a couple of bottles of jolt cuz they had'em at Beavmo!

I am drinking gingerbeer and dark rum now…I might drop some lime in cuz you said so…oh yeah and some ediblez.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Jolt? Yes but do you have any cans of Surge? I ask because I care.

Crank_Tango October 27, 2012 at 11:19 pm

No. Should I? I can score thai red bull (in the brown bottles like the medicine that it is), but I really wanna sleep tonight. The past couple evenings have been taken up by this Napoleon documentary and occasional masturbating, per dr's rx.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 28, 2012 at 1:27 am
ElPinche October 28, 2012 at 12:35 am

Im a connoisseur of Simple Jack or Coke zero + Jack .

SigDeFlyinMonky October 28, 2012 at 11:11 am

White port and lemon juice, WPLJ, ooooh what it do to you.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 10:17 pm

BTW, I saw the Frontline piece of the issue, the other night, and maybe some will disagree, but it came across as "teaching the controversy" if even not explicitly. Of course, they had to have both sides to retain journalistic credibility, but I thought the side against those few in the scientific community who deny climate change didn't feature the best the scientific community could field for such a piece. Meh.

Cleopatriot October 28, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Bullshit. They don't have to publicize lies to retain journalistic integrity.

tessiee October 27, 2012 at 10:17 pm

“Derp derp the Unabomber believed in global warming”

"Two and two makes four, even if Hitler says so" — Marjorie Morningstar

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Breaking News: I just saw Abe Lincoln crossing the street whilst checking his cell phone.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I'd not doubt it. Was Elvis with him?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 10:59 pm

No, he was alone. I yelled "Thanks Abe!" but he ignored me. Too much to worry about what with the Union dissolving and all that. Still, he looked good. Considering.

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 11:03 pm

But, besides that, natl_[redacted]_cmdr, how was the show?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Coulda been worse!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 11:53 pm

after searching, here's this from a Yahoo answer person:

"Refering to President's Lincoln being shoot in a theater play by James booth, a southerner . While his wife was with him. so therefore she wouldn't be enjoying the play. ironic,ne? dark humor much? lol"

good night amrricah!

AlterNewt October 27, 2012 at 11:30 pm

"…and his hair was perfect."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Ah-oooo!

bobbert October 28, 2012 at 2:30 am

Darn you. I was gonna say "and his beard was perfect".

imissopus October 28, 2012 at 3:40 am

"Siri, what time does the show start? Mary Todd will kill me if I'm late."

Negropolis October 27, 2012 at 10:59 pm

OT: Well, isn't this just great:

AP poll: Majority harbor prejudice against blacks

Of course, this poll is racist, because pointing out racism is the very worst kind of racism.

No respect, I tell you; no respect.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Damn Maojists.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 11:07 pm

How daer you correct yuor tpyos! I call revrese racsim!

doloras October 27, 2012 at 11:53 pm

In other news, water is wet.

bobbert October 28, 2012 at 2:29 am

Yeah, that was actually a pretty depressing read. Sometimes I like to pretend to myself that at least we've made a little bit of progress over the last forty or fifty years (aka, my adult lifetime). And then fucking science brings me down.

bibliotequetress October 29, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Along the same lines, anyone who has time can try this: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/

mosjef October 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm

The Coke brothers busting snark from their grass hut at Club Med Antarctica.

ttommyunger October 27, 2012 at 11:22 pm

"Some say" the Cato Institute provides safe haven and free legal representation for accused child molesters.

BaldarTFlagass October 27, 2012 at 11:49 pm

You know, I think things will actually be better when the Borg finally get here.

Negropolis October 28, 2012 at 12:03 am

I, for one, welcome our assimilated overlords.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 11:51 pm

thanks for the clash.

exactly.

SorosBot October 28, 2012 at 12:09 am

Why should we trust anything from an institution that knowingly named themselves after the right-wing asshole who invented the filibuster, tried to block the free grain dole for the Roman poors and forced Caesar into starting a civil war out of sheet spite, anyway?

jesus_vs_gojira October 28, 2012 at 12:19 am

What really burns me up (so to speak) is that these fuckers must know that they're full of shit. I mean, they're not that dumb. The average guy in the street — he's dumb. But these people are not dumb. And they are deliberately selling future generations down the river, for the sake of a quick buck now.

My one comfort in all this is knowing that James Inhofe's igloo children will one day curse his name.

Negropolis October 28, 2012 at 12:33 am

It really is about as cynical an opposition as you'll find to proven science. You know it's cynical when you tell them that even if human-driven climate change isn't real (and it is), that the reduction of pollution, alone, on the environment is worth it and they still bullshit you. We used to support this stuff just to have clean air and water.

Generation[redacted] October 29, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Or when they say offshore drilling can be done safely and when there's a massive spill they start yelling about how damaging it is to temporarily stop drilling to review safety measures.

TribecaMike October 28, 2012 at 12:26 am

In the land of claymation, the one-eyed silicate-bearer is king.

ElPinche October 28, 2012 at 2:09 am

Claymation is dying art form…along with puppetry (fucking Main Stream Muppets don't count)..

Chet Kincaid_ October 28, 2012 at 3:24 am

The "NIPCC" instead of the IPCC? That's a fun game, let me play!

UnAACP — Unnecessary Affirmative Action Claims Protection
NOTNOW — Negative Oppositional Theatrics Nullify Options for Women
ACLUSA — Adverse Civil Liberties Undermine Societal Authority
NLURB — National Labor Union Reduction Bureau
NASS — National Academy Skeptical of Sciences
The NUN — The Nunh-Unh Nations

Arkoday October 28, 2012 at 7:15 am

Chief Inspector Clouseau is rolling over in his grave, ashamed of his man-servant's fake report.

not that Dewey October 28, 2012 at 9:18 am

"I'm from the Cato Institute, and I'm here to help."

weejee October 28, 2012 at 10:02 am

Be careful of the Pinko Panther.

not that Dewey October 28, 2012 at 10:18 am

Give me ten men like David Koch, and I could destroy the world.

Oh, wait.

C_R_Eature October 28, 2012 at 10:17 am

Hi, Dok:

Thanks very much for picking up this story and running with it in such a comprehensive & admirable manner. I am thrilled and Humbled.
I'd love to stay and chat here, but I've got to finish up my personal Disaster Preparations for the imminent arrival of Tropical storm/Hurricane/Nor'easter Hybrid Sandy on Monday.
Yep, here comes yet another Unprecedented, severe and potentially catastrophic storm system which seem to be cropping up twice a year now, that will do its level best try to kill me and destroy everything I know, and, if the Cato Institute is to be believed, has nothing at all to do with the massive continuing atmospheric Carbon dumping activities by the Fossil Fuel Industry Corporations that are their primary sources of funding.

Take care, everyone.

weejee October 28, 2012 at 10:31 am

Remember to keep yer snark powder dry. Good luck with your preps C_R.

Doktor Zoom October 28, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Powdered snark is for lazy people. We fix ours from scratch.

Mumbletypeg October 28, 2012 at 10:38 am

This monster storm renders me near speechless. Hoping you and yours avoid the worst and we see conditions develop away from harm and extensive damage. Good luck C_R_eature.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I'm going to feel really gypped if we make the world a better place, and it all turns out to have been a hoax.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

“There is no significant long-term change in US economic output that can be attributed to climate change.”

You really can't grow corn in Iowa any more — maybe they should ask the farmers if that's "significant".

Generation[redacted] October 29, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Sure, it sucks to be a farmer or someone who needs to buy food, but that economic loss is more than made up by hedge fund managers who read the real climate science report and then make a killing investing in corn futures.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Let's have the name of that doctor of yours.

Crank_Tango October 27, 2012 at 11:29 pm

C'est le docteur sentir-bone, cum d'habitood !

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 27, 2012 at 11:34 pm

From Google Translate: "This is the feel-bone doctor, cum in habitood"

Me: Goddamn Brazilians.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: