today in mild oaths

History’s Greatest Monster Barack Obama Calls Poor Defenseless Mitt Romney A Vile Swear

He is poopingOh dear oh dear! Supposed “cool guy” Barack Obama called fragile, defenseless centimillionaire former CEO and current Republican nominee for president of these godfearing United States of America Mittens Romney a vile swear meaning one who defecates like boy cows, and the Republic may crumble from the dastardly act. What if children who unaccountably look up to the Thug in Chief start also talking about potty words like pooping boy cows? WHAT THEN?

That is bullying indeed, lady we had never heard of before Josh Marshall retweeted your incisive and prissy and pissy tweet.

Let us wag our fingers at some other history’s greatest monsters, together!

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Well those were fun! Enjoy your anal rapes! We will be over here with our canned goods (hobo beans), waiting for the Republic to fall.

[Yahoo]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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245 comments

  1. snowpointsecret

    Hey, it could have been worse:

    There once was a man named Mitt
    They said he was full of shit
    I don't know how to finish this limerick
    so I'll just say he was quite the dick.

    1. midnighttoker69

      Limericks are my specialty … let me see what I can rip off the top of my head

      A candidate Romney, named Mitt
      Accused of spouting bullshit
      Was burned by the Pres
      Offensive, Mitt says
      Before wandering off in a snit.

      One more try:

      There once was a rich man called Mittens
      A mean man to puppies and kittens
      When he was called out
      For bullshit, he'd pout
      And expect us to live off a pittance.

      1. snowpointsecret

        That first one was just too beautiful. I wish I could do that, mine technically wasn't even a limerick.

        1. midnighttoker69

          Well thank you. Sometimes I wish I'd done more in college than sell weed and get expelled.

          1. CommieDad

            Thanks for the chronic. Oh yeah, that bag I bought 15 years ago was a little heavy and the guilt is killing me. I owe you 1/64 of an ounce. Can I donate $5 to Initiative 520 in your name?

      2. Esteev

        Can I try?

        Candidate Romney has been lying
        When called on it, he starts crying
        His running-mate Ryan is no better
        forgetting what he asked for in letters
        They're quite upset the election isn't for buying

        1. fatbob54

          Some say Romney's a liar
          Whose pants are always on fire
          "I don't lie" he states
          "I just prevaricates"
          Cuz the rubes are gullible buyers

      3. rickmaci

        Not up to your standard but a guy can try.

        There once was a man named Mitt
        A gov from old Massachusett.
        To be president he thought
        was a job to be bought,
        if voters just ignored his bullshit.

    2. mrblifil

      Old Mittens was quite the bullshitter
      But when called out he'd get very bitter
      Lot's of ranting and stormin'
      Unbecoming of a Mormon:
      "Show respect for your betters, you dumb nigger!"

    3. Negropolis

      There once was a son he named Tagg…

      There once was a fella named Mittens
      Who loved to drown nothing but kittens…

      Wait, I think I've finally got the hang of this:

      Mitt the unscrupulous Mormon
      Did nothing but screw even more men
      Confronted with truth
      He reverts to his youth
      And hides all his funds in the Caymans.

    4. YasserArraFeck

      Mittens, who would be Commander
      Is running with Ryan, the Ayn Rander
      They'll shake every hand
      And kiss every ass
      There's no-one to whom they won't pander

      1. stly92

        And besides, it's a known fact that racism never negatively affected anybody in the whole history of the united states! stop being such a libtard cry baby!

      1. zumpie

        Against evil hypocrite fundie bitch Jaime Hererra Beutel (or whatever her last name is now), correct?

  2. Barbara_

    Maybe Romney doesn't curse, but those many pink slips he's handed out, leaving people without health insurance, vulnerable to losing their homes and not being able to afford education for their children just screams "FUCK YOU!"

    1. Maman

      Technically, bullshit isn't cursing. It is just vulgar. Romney has an elevator for his cars and a horse that wears a hat of velvet and pearls… I am pretty sure he is familiar with the concept.

  3. SorosBot

    We already know Mitt doesn't drink; now apparently he doesn't curse either? How could anyone trust that man?

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …1 thing I learned in college is never trust a man that has never woken up the next morning and wondered WTF did I do last night!

      1. Loch_Nessosaur

        I think they can drink white soda (sprite, 7up, etc) but not dark soda (Coke, Pepsi, etc) because of the caffeine.

        1. mille derps

          The prohibition is on hot drinks, technically. Because the famous hot drinks of the 19th century (tea & coffee) both had caffeine & there seemed to be no other reason for prohibiting coffee & tea, the assumption amongst some Mormons is that caffeine is the real target of the prohibition on hot drinks.

          Other Mormons want their mofo Iced tea, NOW!

          1. sullivanst

            "Served at the temperature of hell", is apparently the objection. And to think, that's so far from the weirdest thing about their religion.

          2. doloras

            Doctrines and Covenants 137 quotes Joe Smith as saying: "Hot liquids are for the outside of your body, not the inside. Thus saith JHVH his own self."

        2. finallyhappy

          That White Mountain Dew packs a load of caffeine- wonder f they sneak it into a sprite bottle

    2. emmelemm

      Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?
      Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?
      Subtle innuendos follow…

  4. ph7

    Next move: Ellen Carmichael and Paul Ryan will tackle Obama the bully, so Romney can cut the freak's hair.

  5. red_kira

    2012 version of the 1963 newsreel:

    President Kennedy: Are you telling me that BLEEEEEP did BLEEP that incompetent BLEEEP! They just BLEEEP the Air Force budget!

    Gobsmacked. Really. We were so much more grown up back then!

    1. delaney_blom

      My favorite part of the JFK clip is that he wouldn't put that silly bastard in charge of a cathouse. President Kennedy knew that discretion is one indispensible quality of a brothel operator.

    1. OkieDokieDog

      I find myself more and more screaming, You lying cocksucking motherfucker at every GOP/Teabaggie twatwaffle I hear squawking on the teevee box. Also too; pundits.

  6. bikerlaureate

    The President isn't walking this back. Excellent.
    No matter what, Plouffe and company must not apologize for this.

    1. smitallica

      Or if they do, they should say. "I'm sorry. I meant to say 'cocksucking shitfaced lying magic-underwear cult-member megarich heartless motherfucker who's not going to win.'"

  7. Detesticle

    That's actually what the ballot says in Nevada.

    [] Mitt "Bullshitter" Romney
    [] Barry "Chair" Obama
    [] Ayn Rand's Ghost

  8. Oblios_Cap

    It seems like only yesterday that the right wingers accused us liberals of being termminally offended about everything.

    Projection is a bitch.

    1. BoroPrimorac

      Just another example of liberal tolerance, right?

      Next motherfucker that uses that bullshit line on me is getting headbutted.

      1. reliefsinn

        As a matter of fact, no, liberals are not tolerant of things like idiocy, hypocrisy, and racism, especially the just beneath the surface variety typified by the Coulters, Hannitys, and Becks of this world.
        So no, we are not tolerant, and we are not going to apologize for it, bitchez.
        Screw being tolerant, screw it screw it screw it.

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, lady, I often call Romney a "lying cocksucking motherfucking full-of-shit asshole Mormon motherfucker." But that's when I'm in a kind mood. Why don't you fucking tweet that?

  10. zumpie

    Two things:

    1) Nice pearl clutching no doubt potty mouthed bitch whom I do not give a rat's ass about.

    2) I know that bull is pooping because my kitty wears much the same blssfull expression when SHE poohs in her litter box (yes, I find it almost disturbing)

  11. bikerlaureate

    Where's Ellen Carmichael's complaint about despicable Ann's use of the r-word – to describe the freakin' President of the United States?

      1. bikerlaureate

        True. In my haste to post I didn't see the mismatched comparison.

        I was trying to riff off her use of "bully", because calling a liar a "bullshitter" is apparently classic bully behavior…?

  12. FakaktaSouth

    Okay then, how about using the words of W to the Big Dick Cheney? Mitt Romney? "That guy's a real asshole." I don't trust a guy who doesn't know how to use the creative words.

    1. prommie

      Wasn't it Dick Cheney the sneering drunken lawyer-shooting torturing war criminal who said to, who was it, you are young, you remember stuff, but didn't he say "fuck you" to someone in the Senate chamber?

      I like how you talk, though. Very very creative.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        I believe he said "go fuck yourself" but I may be confusing the phrase with just his blanket policy for all of America.

        1. sullivanst

          Yes, he told Pat Leahy to go fuck himself. When Chris Wallace asked him if he'd really said it, he grinned with enormous self-pride and said "Yes". Clearly it was one of the world's greatest rhetorical achievements, in his own mind.

          1. prommie

            Considering that he never championed a policy that was not a complete disaster, often criminal, venial, or corrupt, and otherwise an utter failure, its clear that his entire reputation, such as it is, comes from his ability to convince people even stupider than himself of his genius.

          2. prommie

            You know you are right; in a country where 30% don't vote at all, you can win the election by appealing solely to the bottom half of the bell curve. Thats the some of the people that you can fool all the time.

          3. prommie

            I have a nephew who is not smart, but has some sort of wisdom I respect. he once said this to me: "Think about it, Pat, if you are smarter than me, thats it, I can't go there. So that means, I can't tell if you are just a little smarter than me, or if you are Einstein, because from where I am, you look the same." I think this explains a lot of the votes for the GOP. From where the morons sit, both Cheney and, for example, Clinton, are smarter than them, and they have no clue which one is smarter than the other, or which one is right.

    1. widestanceromance

      Who knows (it looks like something from a Kenyan alphabet)?*

      *all too often it's asterick

  13. mbobier

    Someone should help this lady off her fainting couch, revive her with smelling salts, make sure she doesn't get tendonitis from clutching her pearls, and gently inform her that when you describe someone in accurate terms, that is not bullying; it's truth-telling. But the latter is something wingnuts have trouble recognizing, anyway.

  14. asterixaverni

    Jesus Fucking H. Christ! Can't the President get this straight? What.The.Fuck!?! Romney isn't a bullshiter.

    HE IS A FUCKING LIAR!

    Four letter word Mr. President: LIAR! Use it!

  15. kittenbomb

    It is boorish indeed because Lord Mittens cannot respondeth in kind.

    He knows naught of the lowly talk of unwashed common folk. Nor doeth any of his sister wives allow their handmaidens to speak aloud.

  16. AngryBlakGuy

    …by the way, I swear that there was this one cliff note in the bible about "the love of money being the root of all evil" and "it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God than a camel to fit through the eye of a needle". I think cursing is probably at the bottom of God's "I don't give a shyt about" list!!!

    1. KathrynSane

      "Again I tell you, it is harder for a rich man* to enter the kingdom of God than a camel to fit through the eye of a needle.

      *unless he is a Job Creator™"

      Straight from the mouth of White Capitalist Jesus.

  17. hagajim

    I guess when you're calling a spade a spade you might as well call a bullshitter a bullshitter. But bullshitters are usually egotisitcal assholes as well – oh wait. Nevermind.

  18. Fox n Fiends

    I'm sure Vladdy Putin will never ever say anything coarse to/about your hypothetical President Romney

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …I am pretty sure Putin drops the "ruskey" version of an F-Bomb every other sentence when he is off air! At least, that is what I do when I replace vodka for milk in my morning Cheerios.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      There once was a candidate, Mitt
      whose opponent called his plans bullshit,
      When asked to reply,
      he gave a great sigh,
      and said his religion said "golly"….

  19. Joshua Norton

    One thing I've learned from this election cycle – Always take a pen and paper with you when you go camping or plan to hike the desert. That way, if you get lost, you can just start writing an article about Obama. Right away some douche bag will come along and tell you how it's all wrong.

  20. hagajim

    Gotta love the LBJ gay rapey jokes. I assume the Maryland ministers will kill him and his entire family? Oh – and Walnuts sure likes to bandy about the fuck word doesn't he….hmmmm.

  21. DCBloom

    I thought it was Joe's job to do all the cussing for the administration? Does Barry have to do EVERYTHING?

  22. Crank_Tango

    Please, spread the outrage! Barry used his nuts for once, praise babby jesus. Tell everyone everyone everyone about how barry called that cocksucking missionizer a BULLSHITTER.

    He also said Ellen Carmichael is "pretty cunty."

    1. docterry6973

      What kind of rape? Legitimate? Forcible? God-given? Easy? These days you need to be specific.

  23. Toomush_Infer

    I don't see how calling MItt a bullshitter can be a problem – his handlers said they weren't going to depend on fact checkers….

  24. BlueStateLibel

    The more I read about this Barack guy, the more I like him. Lady hormones-permitting, I'll definitely be voting for him.

  25. zumpie

    Oh also, too: if you watch British TV (or PBS) they haven't bleeped "shit" or "bullshit" for quite awhile now.

    And….

    1) Krusty sure does enjoy cursing doesn't he? That is QUITE the potty mouth HE has! NO wonder his brother told a 911 operator "fuck you" when she got annoyed with his tying up the line to bitch about traffic.

    2) I have always viewed JFK as a fairly over rated Prez, who largely benefitted from the mystique of an untimely death. That said, I found him both fairly restrained ($5K would've fully furnished several entire homes in 1963 and Jordan Marsh was a mid-range store) and kinda awesome by concluding, "no, you'd call it a fuck up".

  26. barto

    You know what's really classy, Ellen? Characterizing 47% or your fellow Americans as lazy parasites, that's what's classy. Now go get a real job, you tapeworm.

  27. KeepFnThatChicken

    Did he also drink a Coke while calling Mitt a bullshitter? Because they can't drink caffeine either!

    And did he say it before 1978? Because blah people weren't grandfathered in before then.

    And Mitt's tough anyway. That magic underwear will deflect anything.

  28. Terry

    When you read any tweet or other form of communication from Ellen Carmichael, remember that she used to be Herman Cain's campaign communications director. That really says it all.

  29. MinAgain

    "Bullshitter" is not technically a curse word. It's a vulgarity. But I wouldn't expect Republicans to know the difference.

  30. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Jesus fucking Christ Walnuts settle the fuck down for fuck's sake you whiny shitbag fuck.

  31. poorgradstudent

    To paraphrase a favorite Internet personality of mine, "Mitt Romney so fucking sucks he fucks. He so sucking fucks he sucks."

  32. Nopantsmcgee

    Not that I am an overly sensitive farmer's boy or anything but there's no fucking thing in the world called a 'boy-cow', unless you refer to the male of the human species as boy-girls, as well to be consistent.

    Moo, bitches.

    1. tessiee

      According to "Return of the Straight Dope", the generic, singular (as opposed to "cattle", which is plural), non-gender-specific word for the animal that says "moo" is "bovine". "Neat" or "beef" are also correct, but have fallen into disuse.

  33. Chet Kincaid_

    The General blinked. His chops went dry. His mug drained. "Yes Mr. President." Jack clicked off. The General grabbed desk, steadied, punched the intercom. "Get Pete Bondurant on the line." He poured Scotch and waited. "Pete, brace Kemper Boyd and Ward Littel. Get the Cubans and Drac's Mormons on this, too. Son Of A Bitch Jack's got to go."

    1. prommie

      Whats it from? Or just your own? Best book about Dallas I ever read was Mailer's Harlot's Ghost. Cubans, Bushes, Brown Brothers Harriman and the wall street-CIA connection, oh man.

          1. Chet Kincaid_

            America was never innocent. We popped our cherry on the boat over and looked back with no regrets. You can’t ascribe our fall from grace to any single event or set of circumstances. You can’t lose what you lacked at conception.

            Mass-market nostalgia gets you hopped up for a past that never existed. Hagiography sanctifies shuck-and-jive politicians and reinvents their expedient gestures as moments of great moral weight. Our continuing narrative line is blurred past truth and hindsight. Only a reckless verisimilitude can set that line straight.

            The real Trinity of Camelot was Look Good, Kick Ass, Get Laid. Jack Kennedy was the mythological front man for a particularly juicy slice of our history. He talked a slick line and wore a world-class haircut. He was Bill Clinton minus pervasive media scrutiny and a few rolls of flab.

            Jack got whacked at the optimum moment to assure his sainthood. Lies continue to swirl around his eternal flame. It’s time to dislodge his urn and cast light on a few men who attended his ascent and facilitated his fall.

            They were rogue cops and shakedown artists. They were wiretappers and soldiers of fortune and faggot lounge entertainers. Had one second of their lives deviated off course, American History would not exist as we know it.

            It’s time to demythologize an era and build a new myth from the gutter to the stars. It’s time to embrace bad men and the price they paid to secretly define their time…

            James Ellroy
            (introduction to American Tabloid…a novel)

            p.s., in the Ellroy Universe, "Drac" is Howard Hughes, if you hadn't guessed.

  34. Antispandex

    Well, it's obvious she isn't old enough to remember, or to have ever read a "book", but Nixon was a Quaker, and the man could bring the swears like nobody's business.

  35. tessiee

    A person who doesn't like being called a "goat fucker" might want to consider ceasing to fuck goats, at least on camera.

    1. gullywompr

      You could spend your whole life, ministering to the poor, healing the sick, and nobody would say anything, but you fuck one goat…

  36. DickWharfinger

    Delicate miss Ellen, Herman Cain's former mouthpiece, must have miseed Jon Stewart's show last night: the snowbilly as a hippo-shitter and the Donald.as a auto-coprophagic gorilla.

  37. glamourdammerung

    When I see this cretin show same concern for blatantly racist comments made against the President of the United States, then they might have a valid point. They probably won't, but they actually might at that point.

  38. Cleopatriot

    You mean the guy who called the President "boy" can't handle some swears aimed in his general direction?

    1. Gleem McShineys

      "Cuts right into mah taint!"

      That is some of my most favorite historical audio, right there.

  39. CommieDad

    I am sure that the president has said worse. Today. About Mitt. Like, "That muthafucka is so fuckin going down in 12 days."

  40. Wile E. Quixote

    Of all of the things I hate about conservatives and Republicans like Carmichael the thing I hate most is their self-pity and their disgusting, pathetic cringing need to always be seen as
    victims.

  41. smitallica

    Swearing is "beneath the dignity of the Presidency"? No.
    Having to produce your birth certificate multiple times to prove you're not an illegitimate usurper from Kenya simply because you're brown? Yes, THAT would be beneath the dignity of the Presidency.

    1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Yeah, what's Mittens gonna do if he hever gets in a fuck-tussle with Putin or someone? "For Pete's sake I'm the President for Pete's sake." For fuck's sake.

  42. Yankee_Steve

    NEWT GINGRICH & PRES. OBAMA ARE CORRECT ABOUT ROMNEY
    There's some fuss about Pres. Obama's truthfulness about Romney but Newt Gingrich called out Mitten$ months ago:

    CBS correspondent Norah O'Donnell asking Gingrich, "Are you calling Mitt Romney a liar?"After a pause, Gingrich replies: "Yes."

  43. CindynEncinitas

    If my fairy snarkmother were not here encouraging me to express my loathesome thoughts, I may be inclined to use rough language at the slightest inconvenience.

  44. Negropolis

    But, you guys, he's running for president for Pete's sake!

    They're just pissed he didn't honor him with the phrase Bullshit Creator. You know, 'cause Mitt built that shit!

  45. aboutheagora

    I kan't say the letter 'B', but I kan say that this woman is a silly bunt. Also, Mitt Romney IS a bullshitter. Sinse when did kalling like it is a krime? Oh wait, Obama is blakk, so he must be a kriminal akkording to this bunt. I preferred these idiots when they wore hoods and burned krosses.

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