he's sorry if any of you crazy bitches took offense

On Behalf Of Fellow Women Everywhere, John McCain Accepts Richard Mourdock’s Rapebortion ‘Apology’

Special Delivery from Jesus!Richard Mourdock has “apologized” (no he hasn’t) for saying rape is Jesus’s special way of giving you something productive to do for the next 18 years instead of whoring around on Saturday nights like common trollops, and on behalf of us all, John McCain has graciously accepted his “apology”! So it’s cool you guys, John McCain says it’s cool. Ladies, put down your bras and pitchforks and go back to crowing over the corpse of your mortal enemy CNN. But is there anything … odd … about this “apology” and McCain’s acceptance of it on behalf of us all? Well why on earth would you think that?

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Oh right, because he didn’t apologize, but just talked about how super-Godly he is and then said that his opponent twisted his words … without his consent!!! (Oh right again, and because Paul Ryan believes the exact same thing, and also too it is the explicit policy of the Republican party, in addition.)

But it’s good enough for John McCain, so kindly make with the trap-shutting and the sandwiches.

[TPM]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • edgydrifter

    John McCain is sorry you whores don't appreciate God's little miracle gift to you.

    • bikerlaureate

      He hopes the people of Indiana see through the critics' shuck and jive.

    • CindynEncinitas

      I don't see any whore diamonds… no sammiches without whore diamonds, fool!

    • mille derps

      John McCain really is sorry.

  • Cleopatriot

    Maybe McCain accepted his apology to the GOP for going against standard GOP groupthink about how women's bodies just shut down when legitimately raped and so there's no such thing as rape babies.

    • sewollef

      I can't comment on this story until Meghan has spoken.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        True that.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Mourdock: Sorry I'm not sorry.
    McCain: Apology accepted.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Us: You said "sorry" twice!
      Him: I like rape!

    • Terry

      McCain is used to getting non-apologies from fellow Republicans. Bush gave him one after smearing McCain's adopted daughter in South Carolina, for instance.

  • badseeds

    Lack of consent doesn't enter into any of these important issues.

    • MegPasadena

      But you twisted my words without my consent!!!

      • Darklady

        Some people's words twist easy…

  • gullywompr

    You know, if us libs are going to keep bending the Republicans over for their rape comments, we should at least buy them dinner first.

    • prommie

      Thats what I keep saying!

  • tbogg

    Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca … that's just the hormones talking. Now go take a bubble bath, maybe listen to some Sarah McLachlan.

    • Ruhe

      But can you take a minute to make me a sandwich first, Honey?

    • LACorvus

      Where is Wonkette's little helper when you need one?

  • snowpointsecret

    From 18 hours ago:

    CNN at least isn't as bad as Mourdock, I guess. That's the best praise I can give CNN anymore, it's sad.

    This comment works twice as well here as my reaction to this.

    Edit: Apparently I can't spell "Mourdock."

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      Actually, I think it's spelled "morlock". You know, the underground cannibals from H.G. Wells' Time Machine.

      • sewollef

        Don't tell me Tom Cruise was in that adaptation too, for fuck's sake…

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Have we all forgotten Wesley Crusher's buddy from Starfleet Academy?

    • Blinkthink

      It should be spelled Mourdick, as he is another Richard.

  • Ruhe

    So rapebabies are a gift from God but anchor babies aren't? If God works in mysterious ways isn't it possible that it is His strange intention that all those sneaky Mexicans should come here and make babies, for freedum? Couldn't that be God's will?

    • chicken_thief

      Mourdock was thinking white rapebabies are blessings from Jeebus. Raptbabies from Jeebus Rodriquez, not so much…

      • OneDollarJuana

        But Snowflake babies are a gift from Jeebus.

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      Stop using logic. Logic is for libruls, fags, and Hollywood screenwriters.

    • sewollef

      Are yes, but I believe anchor babies are a gift from Jésus… so it amounts to the same, right?

  • Schmannnity

    Living with the child produced by rape for 18 years is 2 years longer than the rapes of Ronald Reagan"s and W's administrations combined.

  • Hammiepants

    As a godless, legs-akimbo dirty cooter-possessing feminazi whoremonster, I do NOT approve this message.

    • chicken_thief

      Are you busy Friday night?

    • LibertyLover

      Yeah, but do you shave your legs?

      • Hammiepants

        Of course not! Shaving your legs is a sign to the mens that you want to be not legitimately raped.

    • Esteev

      You had me at "godless".

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Godless, legs-akimbo dirty cooter-possessing feminazi whoremonsters are some of my favorite people.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Also…

      "As a godless, legs-akimbo dirty cooter-possessing feminazi whoremonster"

      Mom?

    • Snarkoluffagus

      Count me in too.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Let us pray:

    Heavenly Father,

    May all those who continue to support this candidate be blessed with Your gift of a violent rapist's baby into their households. And may Richard Mourdock be anally raped with a nail studded 2×4 votes!

    In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, Amen.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hey! You started your post with your old boardname! Very clever!

      • Tequila Mockingbird

        Oh, the ironing!

    • Redgyal

      Prayer warriors unite!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    This is good news for…

    No. No, it's actually not.

  • http://kittenbomb.wordpress.com kittenbomb

    I can't figure these pro-rapey Republicans out. Are they maybe going for the coveted Ben Roethlisberger endorsement?

    • SorosBot

      Considering that the people of Pittsburgh are still willing to cheer for that serial rapist, maybe they think the pro-rape angle will win them Pennsylvania?

      • Callyson

        Ahem–some of us cheer for our team and our hometown *in spite* of that asshole, not because of him.

    • chicken_thief

      Ben Roethlisberger is a fucking pussy.

      ~ Mike Tyson

    • chicken_thief

      Ben Roethlisberger is a fucking rookie.

      ~ M. Tyson

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        Mike Tyson is a lisping wimp.

        ~ K. Bryant

        • CindynEncinitas

          You want somma this?

          ~ T. Harding

          • Redgyal

            Just showing them love

            ~Sandusky

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Get Sarah to send them rape kits, John.

    • LibertyLover

      But they gotta pay for them, dammit!

    • sewollef

      Get Sarah to send them rape kits, John.

      Hey, that's Detective Olivia Benson's job… cut it out.

  • bikerlaureate

    At his Wednesday press conference, Mourdock stood by his words and accused his opponents of "twisting" them. He said he was sorry if people had misinterpreted them the wrong way.

    Wow.
    Perhaps they could give us a hint on how to misinterpret them the right way.

  • Barbara_

    They should just impose a ban on short skirts. Rape problem fixed. You're welcome!

    • chicken_thief

      Offset by more cleavage and I'll second the motion.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Perhaps there is a garment we could have all the lady-people wear that covered them properly. Loosely, head to toe even. Maybe with a window of sorts for them to look out of. I wonder if some Godly culture might have adopted such a practice. Someone should look into this.

    • IndianaKevin

      Those who ascribe to the "she asked for it" philosophy wouldn't be deterred even by burqas.Their ignorance runs deep.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      We will pull our puds to whatever bit we are allowed to see. Clearly the only solution is an outright ban on women!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    John spent five and a half years in a vagina so he knows.

    • ph7

      It was pure torture!

  • Ducksworthy

    Mourduche vs. Elizabeth Warren 2016.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh for fuck's sake, you old coot. JUST. DIE. ALREADY.*

    *obligatorily, with votes.

    • Callyson

      I'd ask "Which one?" but I'm pretty sure you mean AOTK.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    And just think after Bamz lays a whooping on Willard the true crazies will claim the lass was 'cause Mittenz wasn't a true believer. This will set the Rethugs so we'll be seeing Akin-Mourdock clones (and much worse) running in every partisan race from dog catcher to US Senator and stately governators. Oh boy, oh boy, a snarkdom wet dream in the making. And Walnutz will look like a sober bottle of Geritol.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      And maybe we'll all remember it would be a good idea to get off our asses and knock out these raving loons in primaries and the off-year general, sometime sooner than four years from…

      …naah. Never mind. Pass me the bong.

    • zumpie

      Fine by me—it'll make it that much easier to finally take the house back in 2014

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      That's one scenario. The other scenario is that the Olde Establishment returns to restore "order" to the Republican Party, using the Defeat Of The Crazies as a cudgel.

  • spends2much

    Imagine if this dotty old dude had been President for the past (almost) 4 years, with that unrelenting moron Tundra Grifter whispering in his ear.

    Y'all would be at war with France by now.

    • CrunchyKnee

      Well…wait till you get a load of Magic Underpants and "kid" Galt, not only will we be at war with France, but every other country in the world as well.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      He would have asked Cheney to "accidentally shoot her" by now.

  • LibertyLover

    Ummm… when did rape stop being a crime?

    • zumpie

      When us sluts started asking for it by being wimmins, I think

    • Esteev

      Because Jesus needs more followers.

    • Redgyal

      When wah men do it.

    • MegPasadena

      When it happens to other people's daughters.

  • http://www.dailydickpunch.com Magic Sam

    God damn whores with your god damn whores pills.

    • LibertyLover

      To be fair, it's also our eff me pumps, short skirts and spaghetti straps.

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        And those fetching sweatpants and plaid flannel and bandannas – I mean, who could resist that? It's like you're daring all us peni-Americans to exercise our God-willed rights!

      • zumpie

        Don't forget skinny and or low rider jeans! According to one uber controlling dad on a PARENTING BLOG I frequent, if you let your daughter wear low riders she WILL become a prostitute. No ifs, ands or buts.

        So obviously if any wimmin freely chooses to wear such garments, she's pretty much damaged goods already, so hey, why not?

        • emmelemm

          I believe you meant "No ifs, ands or butts."

    • Gleem McShineys

      And trollop makeup. Or is that just his wife?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    It's so nice that these men are able to agree on which medieval principle to impose on women who want to be in charge of their own bodies.

  • prommie

    So thats why people have kids? To keep them from whoring around like common trollops? But what about whoring around like an exceptional trollop, or a mediocre floozy, or a sub-par slattern? There are so many ways to whore around, you know.

    • chicken_thief

      And virtually all of them are Big Dog, the Hermanator, and Chicken_Thief approved.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Yes! Shouldn't we be encouraging people to maximize their potential?!

  • HogeyeGrex

    He's kind of a cunt, ain't he.

  • Grief_Lessons

    We should apologise to McCain for all the Indians we genocided, and all the blacks we enslaved. I'd really like to put that behind us.

  • AlterNewt

    "I see dead people."

    McCain / Palin 2012!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "I see stupid people."

      • AlterNewt

        Dead stupid people.

  • Radiotherapy

    Is this an apology tour?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    There is no misspeaking, there is no misunderstanding, there is no manufactured outrage and offense to these troglodytes values that guide their ability to legislate their morals at the cost of the Constitution, Bill of Rights and legally protected rights therein.

    Richard Mourdock thinks the health care law is "the greatest intrusion on American liberty." But rape is a blessing waiting to happen? Akin, Ryan, Mourdock and many sitting members in power look at us and just think of females in three stages: "Going to Make Babies," "Making Babies," or "Can't make Babies Anymore."

    • zumpie

      You forgot one more stage: leeching welfare slut whose babies we pay to support, but will no longer support so she can support them by working at Walmart for minimum wage.

      What could possibly go wrong?

    • Beowoof

      Make more babies because after we repeal Obamacare, these guys are going to let a whole bunch of people die and we need replacements to run the factories and the fast food places. This is what Jesus wants.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Who cares what that old fart thinks?

  • frrolfe

    this is where the republicans got their info about ladypartz etc
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9_kTOgjT3E

  • GuidanceRo_Man

    This crap is why you must be destroyed, HU-MANS!

  • SorosBot

    Yes, a man who publicly said to his wife "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt" is a perfect for accepting an apology for virulent misogyny.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Does Meghan Mc have any thoughts on this?

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Does Meghan Mc have any thoughts on this?

      Fixed.

  • MissTaken

    I love this time of the year. You get to see the migration of the Rape Stork. So beautiful.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Where the hell is Mr T when you need him to shut Murdoch the fuck up?

  • EnnuiThereYet?

    Reunited and it feels so good. (Apologies to Peaches and Herb.)

    • sewollef

      Apology accepted.
      Norman Rossiter [aka, Herb]

  • chicken_thief

    OT, I've had two "Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly." this morning. And I dint even use the *r* or *n* words. What gives?!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Isn't Mourdork that place where Sauron lived?

    • sewollef

      No, you're thinking of Buffalo, NY.

  • BadKitty904

    Today, we are all Overly-madeup Trollops.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Well, the only way I can hear it is that he thinks God wants ladies to be raped. 'Cuz if it happened, that's what God wanted. Of course, if an abortion happened, that can't be what God wanted, because abortions are from Satan. Unlike rape.

    ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu….

    • bikerlaureate

      Because shut up, that's why.

      You nailed the "logic", alright, and it's inescapable if one views a fertilized egg as a human being.
      They'd better figure out a way to exempt wimmin from bllame, for ejecting all of those eggs spontaneously…

  • SexySmurf

    Richard Mourdock is a magnificent ape.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Was he the one on last night's Daily Show?

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    So if I've got all this straight, rapists are just doing the Lord's work, amirite?

    • LibertyLover

      No, No, No, that would be a jerb destroyer for all of those fer profit jails that keep springing up everywhere.

    • chicken_thief

      Mourdock's take would give a person a whole lot of leeway, wouldn't it?

    • zumpie

      No the rapist are criminals. God just steps into the whole thing in the middle. But instead of thwarting something soul crushing and utterly devastating, he gives the lady a brand NEW problem!

  • sullivanst

    Well obviously, if they hadn't plastered on the make up like a trollop, those cunts wouldn't have been raped. God's will!

  • BarackMyWorld

    "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy."
    -Jon Lovitz as Michael Dukakis. Also, every Democrat that's currently behind in the polls. Seriously, America, WTF?

    • smellypossum

      'Merikuh… It's the same country that elected W twice. (okay, once… the Supreme Court elected him the first time around…)

      And 60 days after W's second term began a whole passel of dumb fuckers decided they'd made a mistake in voting for him. Yeah, America WTF indeed!

  • jesus_vs_gojira

    I like that you can erase anything by apologizing. This is toddler logic. "I said I was sorry!"

    • bobbert

      Or, in this case, by not apologizing.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Since rape has now normalized, what's everyone doing this weekend?

    • widestanceromance

      Rape Room Makeovers!

    • Esteev

      Ironing my ski mask?

    • DahBoner

      I'm waiting until pillaging and looting are OK, too…

    • CindynEncinitas

      I will be prancing up and down the 101 in my hooker shoes and short shorts. Duh!

    • Snarkoluffagus

      I am gonna have a rape party, viagra rufies included!!

    • LibertyLover

      Decorating a nursery. Duh.

  • owhatever

    See that girl, in the short little skirt,
    the way she moves, makes me hurt.
    I'm gonna take some.

    I'm a Republican Senator, and I approve this message.

  • GemlikeFlame

    Uhhh, no. If you feed them, they just breed.

  • IncenseDebate

    Does anyone else think Mourdock looks a little like a duck? Maybe his mom was godly raped by Daffy? Well at least it's not fucking Goofy.

    • DCBloom

      Ah, I see someone besides me remembers little Jasmine and her ducks

      • barto

        and the joke with the punchline of Micky to his therapist "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

    • Blinkthink

      No, not a duck-he looks like Grandpa Munster. Ryan is Eddie Munster.

  • PsycWench

    The tradition of the non-apology apology is strong with these people. I'm beginning to think they don't know what the word "apology" means.

    • IncenseDebate

      Only libs apologize. It's a sign of weakness.

      • zumpie

        Sadly, it's true. In many workplaces, this IS the prevailing attitude.

  • sati_demise

    win at any cost by making fun of your hideous quasi-religious beliefs? hell yea!

  • Steverino247

    One does not simply walk over Mourdock…

  • spareme

    If God was a female we wouldn't be having this discussion.

  • RedneckMuslin

    He did apologize! He said he was sorry that everybody misunderstood him.

    Seriously, he really did.

  • BornInATrailer

    Have we almost reached "If you reject your rape baby then you reject God" yet? It's getting close.

  • magic_titty

    On behalf of the NVA, I apologize for their torture of John McCain.

    Is that how this works?

    • Nostrildamus

      Apology accepted, MT. No hard feelings.

    • CindynEncinitas

      God, I hope not. I'm Catholic… I would be sooooo fucked!

  • widestanceromance

    Get the hell off my internet and biblically rape yourself, old fool.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    OT:
    I have this strange urge to subscribe to the Wonkette Newsletter.

  • prommie

    New Jersey is going to be wiped out by October Stormprise Mother of All Perfect Storms next week anyway, fuck it all, time to go out in style, as the Dropkick Murphys would suggest! http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/refresh/graphics_at3+shtm

    • PubOption

      Looters in fancy dress will be out in force next Wednesday.

    • GorzoTheMighty

      Don't think I will be shipping off to Boston anytime soon.

  • zumpie

    BTW, don't expect these guys to provide any sort of assistance to these ladies in providing for their l'il God presents (or probable deterioratingmental health) . Cause, you know, once the baby's out of their vajayjay, who the fuck cares? Amirite???

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Remember Men, When Your wife is raped, that bundle of joy is God's will.
    When you have to take a second job to feed that new mouth in your family, it's God's will.
    When your wife starts crying when the babysitter says "Oooh, he has his father's eyes", God wants her to cry.
    When you feel confused watching a rape baby suckle at your wife's bosom, just remember, God works in mysterious ways.
    And when the rape-teen wants to know why he looks different from his siblings… Enjoy the world's most awkward conversation about the birds and the bees. God's thinking of you.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    When John McCain vouches for you, you're going down in flames for sure! Did you vet 'im, Johnny Boy?!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    What he meant to say is that rape is a victimless crime.

    • CindynEncinitas

      That is one foul thought, Chet. Crap sakes.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Yes, it is.

  • Detesticle

    I would like to say the phrase "pap smear" to these geniuses, just to watch their faces blanch.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    They thank God they are Amurricans, because, if Afghans, they'd be dead suicide bombers by now.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Rape Babies come from the Rape Fairy. There! It's all about your attitude, see?

  • DahBoner

    Another ol man with a $2 haircut explaining what rape is? Good golly!

  • CindynEncinitas

    McCain got into a car accident and went into a coma and when he woke up he realized he was a woman trapped in a man's body and now he speaks for all women with authority, so everybody STFU!

  • RomneysLogCabin

    So altar boys aren't privy to God's gift, but women are? God is a fickle bitch.

  • docterry6973

    Well if Walnuts is cool with it, I'm cool with it. Because who understands women better than John McCain?

  • smellypossum

    John McCain is SO mavericky that he's making up shit.

    Or senile.

    Or maybe he's been dead (from lack of votes) for a couple years and no one bothered to tell him???

  • glamourdammerung

    I am wondering why we let North Vietnam's greatest anti-air weapon back into the United States.

  • Snarkoluffagus

    The GOP "rape isnt that bad" or the rape is implied party. Now i am just waiting for them to approve of pillaging.. Oh wait!!

    • DahBoner

      1%? Green light.

  • DahBoner

    I wonder if the waitresses at the Tucson Denny's spit in McCain's food???

  • Rosie_Scenario

    What about the marvelous ape? Was he sent by god, also, too?

  • DahBoner

    This is interesting:

    " The researchers found that during the fertile time of the month, when levels of the hormone estrogen are high, single women appeared more likely to vote for Obama"

    But makes sense when you know this:
    " In the first study women viewed online dating profiles of either a sexy man or a reliable man during periods of both high and low fertility. Participants were asked to indicate the expected paternal contribution from the men if they had a child together based on how helpful the man would be caring for the baby, shopping for food, cooking and contributing to household chores. Near ovulation women thought that the sexy man would contribute more to these domestic duties."

  • ttommyunger

    Now here's a pair to draw to…..