A colored gentleman graduated from WHERE?!!?You know all those times when there’s a negative story about someone, and somewhere in the middle there’s a little paragraph about how Shitty Old So-And-So refused comment for the story? Like, because there’s nothing intelligent to say and no legitimate justification for whatever the story’s about?

Donald Trump’s spokesman, much like the Man Himself, does not have this impulse.

We’re talking, of course, about the Trumpster’s statement yesterday that he would donate $5 million to charity if Barack “The Stupid” Obama would release his college records and passport information, because withholding charitable donations for racist political purposes is not only Trump’s style, it’s patriotic.

Bad news, though. It looks like, even when Obama inevitably caves to this reasonable and not at all offensive request, we won’t get to see Trump’s transcripts.

The Guardian was writing a story about it, as news sources frequently do, but they took it a step further, as news sources less frequently do: They asked Trump’s office if they would be releasing the Don’s school records, or if he’s exempt from suspicion because his being white means he actually deserves things. We added that second part, but we think it was probably implied.

Anyway, how did Trump’s people respond, to someone requesting his school records? “It’s a stupid request.” Obvi.

Tell it, Adam Gabbitt:

“I tell you what, he’ll provide them to you when you provide yours to him,” said Michael Cohen, executive vice president at the Trump Organization and special counsel to Trump, in what began as a friendly encounter.

Uh oh.

I readily agreed to the deal, and offered to provide my college records and passport-application records to the Trump office for inspection. That seemed to prompt a change of heart.

No kidding! That guy wants to walk back a very stupid thing he said to a person who was writing it down on the internet? How did he get out of it?

“But what’s your point? Mr Trump’s not the president of the United States and he’s not running for the presidency,” Cohen said. […]
“I think what you’re doing is you’re, whether you’re trying to be funny, intentionally or not, actually it’s a stupid request on your behalf,” he said. “It’s trying to poke fun at the fact that the president of the United States is the least transparent president that we’ve ever had. He may be the least transparent politician we’ve ever come across.”

Ah, Obama is the candidate who is not being transparent! Thank you for clearing that up, Cohen. Here I was thinking having 12 years of his and Biden’s tax returns was pretty sweet, compared to the pocketful of receipts Romney offered up. That seems like it would be worth not donating to charity for too, right? Or is Romney getting a law degree from Harvard not as suspicious as Obama getting a law degree from Harvard, and how come? Mayhaps because Obama is the color of people we send to jail and Romney shits untaxed silver dollars?

In any case, Trump wants Obama’s report card, for “transparency,” but doesn’t much care about Romney’s grades, and if you want his transcripts, then you better turn over your transcripts, and, even then, no way. And don’t forget: NOBODY DONATE TO CHARITY. [Guardian]

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  • nounverb911

    I thought Trump's favorite charity was himself.


      you'd think so, but he's donated $0 to his own charity, the Trump Foundation, for the past two years

      the concept of charity is foreign to trump, similar to "taste", "dignity", etc.

    • Crank_Tango

      Charity begins at home, and his charity is Yoooooge.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Wait, isn't Charity his next wife's name?

      • shelwood46

        Possibly. She hasn't been born yet.

  • snowpointsecret

    Trump's trump card backfired.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    You have to admit, melanin isn't very transparent.

    • Even when it's a whiter shade of pale.

    • Biff

      We agreed to keep the wives out of this.

    • bikerlaureate

      I like my presidents to absorb less light.

  • OzoneTom

    I want to see the rabies vaccination certificate for that thing on Trump's head.

    • nounverb911

      Richard Gere's ex-gerbil?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      It's dead so it cannot release rabies; that's the only way they could get it to lay down on that lumpy scalp…Trump's head I suspect consistency wise is like a rotten tomato.

  • Dr. Matt

    I want to see the FLOTUS' Victoria Secrets credit card statements….it's a grave national security concern.

  • nounverb911

    I'd still like to see Trump's long form bankruptcy certificate.

    • chicken_thief

      All of them, Katie.

    • PubOption

      And how much he paid to discharge the bankruptcies.

  • orygoon

    What am I bid for my college records? If this will get the bidding started, I'll admit to that C in freshman chem.

    • wapitiscat

      I'll see your C and raise you an A in Archery and an I / C in Organic Chemistry.

      • finallyhappy

        Well, I got a B in MesoAmerican Art and Archaeology in Grad school and for $10(cash- no checks) and a self-addressed stamped envelope- you can have the original of my grad school transcript- it is from 1975 so it is an antique

  • Barbara_

    The best tweet of the day about this was from DC Debby:
    "Donald Trump's announcement about Obama was as anti-climatic as Marcus Bachmann's wedding night."

    • chicken_thief

      BEST MAN LIBELZ!!!1!1!!!!

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      though not nearly as repulsed and awkward as the latter. Trump didn't make Barry put on a Steve McQueen mask and 'take it like a man' ala Bachmann's wedding night.

  • LibertyLover

    Well, duh, Bamz can't be transparent because he's a blah… it's so much easier for a wah person like Trump to be transparent… because he's wah.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "the president of the United States is the least transparent president that we’ve ever had."

    Yes, black is generally opaque, especially when compared to pasty white, which can almost be translucent.

    • ph7

      Although quite pasty, I'm pretty sure Taft blocked more surface area.

    • Redgyal

      You and libertylover tandem posted. How cute.

  • Dr. Matt

    He's a blah, AND a government nig***.

  • eggsacklywright

    Cretins getting an awful lot of airtime lately.

    • BadKitty904


      • eggsacklywright

        You're right. I fail. (sniff)

        • BadKitty904

          Aw, there, there… *pets ESW*

    • bikerlaureate

      And they're going to lose young viewers of even average intelligence. Us oldz remember a media where ad revenue didn't distort the news reporting this much – and the whole industry is killing their own long-term viability in exchange for a fatter fourth quarter earnings report.

      • Callyson

        I take it you're also a bitter former LA Times reader?

        • bikerlaureate


  • elviouslyqueer

    Sad clown desperately needs sad trombone.

    • Beowoof

      I think he needs a rusty trombone.

      • BadKitty904

        Shoved up where it'd do the most good.

  • Trannysurprise

    I, for one, support putting Stephen Colbert's balls in his mouth.

    • prommie

      But remember Colbert's condition, no check, unless Trump mouths his ballsack to the satisfaction of both Colbert AND his ballsack.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      You should update the theme song.

    • tracyhasfun

      I get the feeling that even Stephen is fed up…that was a ballsy move on his part. (sorry sorry sorry pun)

  • LibertyLover

    Won't someone think of the children?

  • mookwrthwilson

    Everyone should just start faxing trump their college transcripts and asking for money.

    • HELisforHEL

      This is an awesome plan.
      Hmmm, I can send my Art Trade School transcripts, since I didn't have the coin for no college learnin'. Something I'm certain Trump and Rmoney can understand.

    • EnnuiThereYet?

      Is this where I get my Prozac 'script refilled?

  • I would donate a grand total of 5 cents to know the secret behind Donald's hair. Is it a combover or is it a symbiotic alien who was rescued from the bankrupt rubble of Donald's Atlantic City Casinos?

  • Show us your Elementary School Certificate, Donald.

    • zumpie

      Yes. He used the same educational techniques Mitty did: thuggery and bribery to get others to do his work.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    I want to know if Trump is going to take up Stephen Colbert's offer to teabag him for 1 million dollars.

    • BadKitty904

      That Colbert's a brave, brave man…

    • UnholyMoses

      Make that $1,000,025 once I send him a check …

  • NorthStarSpanx

    You show me yours and I'll show you mine.

    • UnholyMoses

      I played that once.

      My child support comes to an end in April 2013.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Donald Trump went to college?

    • Bankruptcy College

      • BadKitty904

        I would've guessed Klown Kollege.

    • sullivanst

      Wharton would rather it was not discussed.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hair College for Men.

    • If you count having lunch in the snack bar, then yes.

      • finallyhappy

        I went to GWU but could say I went to the Sorbonne and Oxford- had coffee at one and lunch at the other

    • Esteev

      His dad donated to one, still counts.

  • LibertyLover

    I think Trump's been drinking from his Golden Shower Tower Waterfall again.

  • SorosBot

    How the fuck is the President whose past was delved into in far, far more detail than any other presidential candidate in history back in 2008 "the least transparent politician we’ve ever come across"?

    • Texan_Bulldog

      It's like he should have written a couple autobiographies about himself where he details drug use & admits to racial identity confusion. Oh wait…

    • Sue4466

      Because he's black? Seriously, I think using "least transparent" is just a not-clever dog whistle for "he's the least white president," and therefore, his qualifications are especially suspect and must be proven. Repeatedly.

      And I have almost no snark on this. Because I'm sick and fucking tired of it. Some tool on Bill Maher said to Bill "You want Obama to be judged by Bush's standard?" I'd like to know why Maher didn't say, "Fuck yeah!" instead of making another joke about Bush being stupid.

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        That tool was serial woman beater John Fund and as usual he had wingnesia. I mean that dildo spent eight years typing bullshit to make people think Dubya was secretly Einstein and now he insults him, typical wingnut. What pisses me off is Miffed IS getting the Bush treatment…I mean who in their right fucking mind thinks he "passed the commander in chief" test in debate three with that pathetic performance. Romney is getting treatment from the media just like Bush did in 2000 when he kept lying and saying the VAST majority of his tax cuts were going to people at the bottom and no one called him on it. How many outlets have pointed out the Iran does not border Syria…or that his tax plan is going to add trillions to the debt no matter what 'loopholes' get closed? or the fact that he seems to think he get away with saying he has a 'secret plan' for EVERYTHING? Fucking news media.

      • fatbob54

        He's not black, some of their best friends are black. He's a Ni**er and there's a big difference, just ask them.

    • AddHomonym

      It's one of those things that become true just by saying it. Pomo!

    • sullivanst

      Who's Mitt Romney's pastor?
      Who did Mitt Romney buy his houses from?
      What's Mitt Romney's social security number?
      Was George really Mitt Romney's father?
      When Mitt Romney arrived at Brigham Young, was it too late to gain access to his accomodation? Did he have to sleep on the street?

      • BeefHardcake

        All snark aside, the question of George really being Mitt's father is a good one. The Mitt apple seems to have fallen so far from the George tree that it's hard to imagine them actually being father and son.

        • bikerlaureate

          I can't imagine George Romney – twice-elected Governor of Michigan who said in 1963 that "Michigan's most urgent human rights problem is racial discrimination", later Secretary of HUD, who publicly opposed the Vietnam War in 1967 – saying anything like:

          And so my job is not to worry about those people—I'll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.

          • sullivanst

            Also can't imagine George Romney, who started the trend of releasing several years of tax returns by setting the bar at 12, explaining that "you people" don't need to know what's in the returns from 2009 because his opponent would only use them against him.

    • zumpie

      Well, blah people are like that…so obviously everything is a lie

    • MissTaken

      Least transparent = Black. Literally.

    • fatbob54

      Because these idiots haven't found anything incriminating yet. they knew Clinton was a crook and it only took them 10 years and 80 million dollars to prove he would lie to his wife about cheating. It' the same thing with Obama, no, he's not a Kenyan, or a Muslim, or a Socialist, but maybe Trump will discover that he has an overdue library book from Columbia and they'll be able to impeach him for that.

    • oenspiek

      Because, shut up. Same as always.

  • OT, but important Nate Silver news:

  • sullivanst

    Isn't it about time NBC fired this loser?

    I mean, how much embarrassment can they take?

    • You forget – it's NBC. We're talking Blushing Peacock here.

    • Crank_Tango

      All of it, Katie?

    • zumpie

      Have you ever watched "Revolution" or "Smash"???? And those are their successful shows. Humiliation is pretty much all they've got left.

      • tracyhasfun

        OT Revolution SUCKS.

      • sullivanst

        There's no way my wife would ever allow me to watch Revolution, and for that, I thank her.

        We did watch Smash though. I rapidly tired of the media attempting to claim that the musical-within-a-musical idea was new. Far from the worst thing she makes me watch (that would most likely be Real Housewives of anywhere), but yeah, I can't say I thought much of the writing.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Yeah, Fame libel.

          • sullivanst

            Not to mention A Chorus Line libel.

    • Beowoof

      Hey Trump is just playing Celebrity Apprentice – The President.

    • Rotundo_

      NBC like "The Donald" evidently subscribes to the "Any publicity is good publicity" school of thought. It still has more class than A&E or TLC or TruTV or any of the other great cable networks that do their part to get us further on our way to fulfilling the vision of "Idiocracy".

  • coolhandnuke

    On Leno Obama joked about he and Trump growing up together in Kenya. “We had constant run-ins on the soccer field. He wasn’t very good, resented it. When we finally moved to America, I thought it would be over.”

    Soccer factoid: Up until 50 years ago, soccer was always referred to as soccer in Kenya. Back then a young Kenyan-yellow-haired-combover-trustafarian-youth who made habit of angrily, poutingly taking his soccer ball home if the other kids did not let him have all the penalty kicks, hog the ball and the spotlight. He created so much division and pettiness on the field that his opponents and his own teammates all started kicking him square in the nuts.The Kenyan soccer kids became so obsessed with kicking this loud-mouthed-yellow- haired-fat thumbed-vulgarian in the balls during every match that they lost all interest in the competition, the score and team unity. And from that day forth, soccer in Kenya was known as kickball.

  • Grief_Lessons

    You know who's transparent? Casper the Fucking Ghost.

    • BornInATrailer

      Oh, he should totally do gape videos.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Several years ago a Blah gentleman of my acquaintence told me he was thinking of getting a tattoo.

      "What are you going to get, " I inquired, "Casper?"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      *gasp* A GHOST!?!?!?! *runs away shrieking*

  • SorosBot

    Now while I understand the college transcript thing, which stems from the racist belief that a black president can't be smart and the typical anti-affirmative action bullshit, where does the demand for the fucking passport applications come from? Is it an extension of birtherism, or something else? Besides making the whole thing impossible, since who the fuck would ever keep their old passport applications.

    • Sue4466

      I think it's birtherism–want to see his Kenyan issued passport. Because. Of course.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        It's this. They just KNOW that Bammerz will slip up and send in his Kenyan long form by mistake.

    • sullivanst

      It's birtherism plus "Hahaha I made them look at me and I'll never have to pay out the $5 million"

    • DCBloom

      Right! Considering that his mom took him to Indonesia when he was in grade school… I'm sure he still has a copy of that…

  • chicken_thief

    "Mr Trump’s not the president of the United States and he’s not running for the presidency,”

    But he fake ran. Just because even the Teabaggers couldn't stand him exempts him from his own *rules*?!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I am glad that Obama is not transparent. I do not need to see a small intestines and a large intestines working in concert with the colon. That is the GOP's steering committee's job.

  • UnholyMoses

    The fuck?

    Obma's not rushing a goddamn fraternity. He's running for the job he's already had for four years. What the holy fuck his grades have to do with any of this shit is beyond me.

    Unless this just another "TEH BLAH GUY GOTT THRUE COLLIGE EVEN THO HE'Z STOOPIT!" bullshit ploy. In which case it's more of a bullhorn into a microphone than a dog whistle.

    • BadKitty904

      I suspect a chimp of average intelligence could listen to 5 minutes of Obama talking and 5 minutes of Trump talking, then figure out which of them is "the smart one"…

  • Doktor Zoom

    This "transparency" thing reminds me of the friend in grad school who was worried that, after having dated only black guys, she would be too grossed out to sleep with the white guy she'd just started seeing. "I mean…am I going to be able to see the veins in his dick?"

    They ultimately ended up moving in together, so I suppose he must have turned over his college transcripts, if you know what I mean.

    Also, why don't I have conversations like that anymore?

    • Yellerdawg

      Because you stopped staying up late over a bong and bottle of tequila?

    • BadKitty904

      As an extremely fair-skinned person, I call EXTREMELY FAIR-SKINNED PERSON LIBEL!

    • sullivanst

      Also, why don't I have conversations like that anymore?

      Because you're not in grad school any more, most likely.

    • LibertyLover

      Did you stop talking to womenz?

    • LibertyLover

      BTW, My daughter got her SAT's back. Thanks for the extra points on the essay. ;-)

    • tracyhasfun

      Because, old. Sorry.

    • Redgyal

      Maybe she graded on a curve.

  • when Obama inevitably caves to this reasonable and not at all offensive request

    I dunno. Part of me says Bamz will just laugh in The Donald's face. Part of me thinks that he'll cave so fast that 39 Chilean miners could be trapped.

    We'll see.

    • docterry6973

      Naw, Bammerz is going to ignore this completely and enjoy watching the world laugh at The Donald. Trump better hope for super ratings this season, because his act is wearing awfully thin. Next stop: DWTS.

  • MinAgain

    I think the President should accept the offer and designate the Tennessee Democratic Party as the recipient of the money. God knows that the TDP is just pathetic enough to need charity.

    • Crank_Tango

      If we were on the internet, which I don't think we are, we could all get together to decide which charity should get the money, like tailor swift singing at a deaf taco bell or something.

  • I don't know why our president is being so intransigent — why, everyone knows that when a white man asks a black man for his papers, the black man is required to oblige.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Do as I say, not as I refuse to do.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Karl Rover said some time ago Donald Chump would never run for President because he wouldn't fill out the Federal financial disclosure form (sorry, I can't remember the #).

    Chump doesn't want to sign, under penalty of perjury, a financial statement that tells the truth. He isn't as rich as he claims. Duh.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "He isn't as rich as he claims"

      But is he as dumb as he seems?

      • Tundra Grifter

        "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
        ~ Albert Einstein

    • Steverino247

      This same problem kept Howard Stern off the ballot years back.

  • ttommyunger

    …and believe you me, if anybody knows stupid, it's Donald Trump.

  • Schmannnity

    I, for one, do not care what Donald Trump got in his Women's Studies sophomore classes, Gay Studies workshop in his junior year, nor Basketweaving: Hair Solutions for the Future? as a senior.

  • LibertyLover

    You know, it's like Sarah Palin and Donald Trump and all the Plastics on Faux Nooz just woke up and realized that there might just be some people out there in voter-land that didn't realize that the President was black.

    • HELisforHEL

      Wait, what?

  • Blueb4sinrise


  • neiltheblaze

    Trump's a chump – but he only uses other people's money.

  • Sue4466

    To be fair, once Trump gets the college & passport records, he'll let the whole issue go. Just like he did once Obama published his birth certificate.

    • PubOption

      I'm surprised he's not trying to find Barry's reports from that Madrassa in Indonesia.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Is it me or has the wingnut frenzy gotten more deranged in the past two weeks? Obama could say "the sky is blue" and these psychos would parse it into a conspiracy against red states in about 30 seconds.

    • Esteev

      So you're saying Obama should employ some reverse psychology?

      Obama: "Let's start a war with Iran!"
      GOP: "Hell no! We must cut the bloated defense budget and refocus our intelligence efforts in the region."

      I don't think I'm willing to try that.

  • Crank_Tango

    OK, so how do WE work this, do we pair off on here and harass each other for transcripts and/or dickpics?

  • Yellerdawg

    In Hades, Donald Trump and Sarah Palin would be sentenced to forever sit face-to-face screeching at each other. Periodically, a demon would muss Don's hair, or make Palin read something.

    • MegPasadena

      It might not be a punishment for Palin, considering she once drove a long way to see Ivana Trump. So she might have dreamed about being Trump's next wife. Also, we all know Sarah loves to read People Magazine and National Enquirer.

      • Yellerdawg

        Just until her lips get tired.

  • Why does the democratic process weed out many obvious assholes while letting others [*cough* RomneyRyan] through?

    • sullivanst

      Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

    • HELisforHEL

      For the republican party, they have to grade on a curve.

  • spends2much

    Next stop for The Donald: Shaving his head (the world says thanks in advance, by the way), attacking cars with umbrellas, and getting out of cars with no underwear on.

  • LibertyLover

    Next thing you know, Donald will resort to cutting himself in a desperate plea for attention.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Start with………………?

    • BadKitty904

      I could live with that.

  • zumpie

    No snark, but big confuse: passport application records? Granted it's been about 25 years since I got a passport, but I don't recall any "application records". The passprt agency would retain those and I would guess they'd remain confidential. I could've sworn (like with retaining pretty much any sort of ID document) you fill out a form, submit supporting documents and then get your document.

    Who keeps copies of their passport or driver's license applications??

    • sullivanst

      Nobody, that's why Trump included them. That way he can relax in complete confidence that he'll never have to pay.

    • MissTaken

      Not I. But I assume the State Dept keeps records of the passport applications on file somewhere in the cloud or some dingy basement just in case someone of Donald Trump's importance starts making totally not racist or insane demands just like these.

    • That's the poison pill in the request. La Donald is not really asking for the grade transcripts, he's stating specifically that he wants to see the country of origin on the application forms which of course the applicant relinquishes when he or she sends them to the institution to which they are applying. Because he knows he would have to ask Occidental College, Columbia, or Harvard Law for the applications, since they are the one's holding the files, and because he doubts they will be responsive, he is talking smack about the grades to suggest that the future President of Harvard Law Review was a shitty student. Did I mention Donald Trump is one of the most disgusting people in existence?

  • Pithaughn

    Obama is certainly guilty of one thing, Being president while Black. Ask any president of a college debating club who is black about this, they know.

  • lulzmonger

    "Do as I say, not as I'm avoiding indictment for."

  • Steverino247

    Anything to feed the narrative, I guess.

  • Does Trump's mouth look like a penis was just removed, or is just that time of the year?

  • LibrarianX

    I'm holding out for video documentation of Trump tying his own shoes – unassisted.

  • In other news, this Allred thing about how Romney maybe lied under oath about Staples's prospects before immediately cashing in after his buddy's divorce was finalized. Sure seems like Romney has basically no compunctions about lying where money is involved, or something.

    If Romney were non-spray-on-brown, we might have to actually scrutinize his tax statements; fortunately he's white, and that means that we can take his pinky-swears all the way to the bank*!

    *The bank will then chop this Romney promise into tiny pieces, bundle it together with other chopped up Romney promises, then sell them off as AAA-rated financial securities. Investors will, instead of buying these bundles, buy insurance bets on said bundles of promises (despite not owning them) with massive leverage and make a huge profit.

  • MegPasadena

    Obviously, he means black is the least transparent color ever!

  • Redgyal

    Obviously the problem here is that no one asked the pilgrims for their documentation when they landed. If they did we wouldn't be having this conversation.

  • thejazzmonger

    Here's an alternate deal. Release the Obama transcripts in return for a photo of Donald Trump with his hair down.

  • glamourdammerung

    And again, Trump got fired from Trump place.

  • Franklin Roosevelt must have been super-transparent because no one could see his wheelchair.

  • To be fair to the spokesperson he may have been feeling the effects of the genital clamps and sensory deprivation techniques at the time of the interview.

  • bibliotequetress

    Trump is right. It is stupid. What sort of moron would ask him to provide his sch… oh.

  • hifederal

    Ya his school records from elementary to 9 grade would be enough to qualify him for the presidency if there is also classmates to back the story like 50 of them. Military cadet thing can be all altered photographies. I see one shot of hin on the soccer team thats definately bogus because I dident invent soccer until 1967 so if one is a fake they all are likley to be. I hear he might be english

  • Mary Palmer

    Commie Boy Obama, The Marxist Muslim Maggot HASN’T either. Obummer paid millions to HIDE ALL HIS RECORDS. Obama is a petulant child, Trump may be off the handle sometimes but he’s not a commie maggot like Obama
    STILL hasn’t released his REAL birth Cert. either We saw a COPY made up, Go ahead say what you wantObama hasn’t released teh REAL one.

    • Shooter2

      go ahead, make my day and suck his d*ck.

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