ORDINARY CITIZENS SUCH AS YOU  9:30 am October 25, 2012

New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)

by Josh Fruhlinger

Enjoy a brief freakout, liberal weeniesOH CRAP ROMNEY’S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don’t worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% chance of winning (and also offers soothing words about how the media specifically pays attention to outlier polls, which makes for a misleading picture). But! The AP poll does contain some delightful quotes from ordinary Americans and other little details that seem, well, kind of hilarious? Not on purpose? Join us for a children’s treasury, after the jump.

Here is the number one greatest quote from anyone ever about politics:

Ginny Lewis, a Democrat and 72-year-old retired district attorney from Princeton, Ky., says she’ll vote for Romney because “I’m tired of the Republicans blaming all the debt on Democrats, so let them take over and see what they do.”

Not that she’s optimistic about how that will turn out, though. “I think things will get worse before they get better,” she said.

As near as we can parse this, Ms. Lewis intends to put the Republicans in charge of the country as an act of revenge, on the Republicans. “Oh, you think it’s so easy to cut the debt? WELL FINE, LET’S SEE YOU TRY.” Then four years from now we’ll be all “See, see how unfair you were being?” and also we’ll be living in a smoldering ruin.

Anyway, ladies like Ginny have now totally defected to Romney, according to the AP, with the “gender gap” having totally closed, lady-wise. Obama still beats Romney on “women’s issues” 55-41, which means that big chunks of ladydom aren’t voting on “women’s issues,” apparently (but maybe they will in a few weeks because it’ll be that time of the month, amirght fellas).

Interestingly, the gender gap is also closing dude-wise, “with most of the shift toward Mr. Obama coming among unmarried men” who have suddenly realized that ladies are more likely to do sex with you if they can get their birth control for free, probably.

We conclude this children’s treasury with the modern American economy distilled down to a few sentences:

David Bierwirth, who owns an autograph sales business in Las Vegas, turned out at a Romney rally in Henderson this week to show his support for the GOP nominee. To Bierwirth, his vote for Romney is all about the economy.

“I want people back to work,” he says, “because then they will buy my products.

When will America be wealthy enough again that a man can, in a city built by gangsters in the waterless desert and predicated on fleecing the gullible and the horny, run a successful business selling people the handwritten names of prominent base-ball players and matinee idols? [AP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 249 comments }

johnnyzhivago October 25, 2012 at 9:34 am

That Romney's a fine fellow…. He seems to have all the same ideas as that Obama guy, but he just LOOKS more like a president. Must be the shoulders and the "touch of gray".

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

Versus the "touch of black"…

hagajim October 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

Or maybe its the 50 shades of grey?

Generation[redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:41 pm

As read by Gilbert Gottfried.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Alternating chapters with Fran Drescher, Bobcat Goldthwait, and Roseanne Barr.

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:10 am

Oh, he's touched alright.

PugglesRule October 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

Rmoney is significantly less blah than Barry Bamz, skin-wise. Personality wise, not so much.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:42 pm

As opposed to the touch of the "tarbrush"?

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Words – pshaw!
You can't take anything seriously that a candidate says. Everybody knows that.
Mistuh Romney looks just like the guys who play the President in a big Hollywood movie.

Jukesgrrl October 25, 2012 at 9:10 pm

It's the blonde wife-unit. Must-have for many Americans, particularly south of the Mason-Dixon line (just for the record, the 'burbs of Phoenix and San Diego are south of the Mason-Dixon line).

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 9:34 am

“I think things will get worse before they get better,” she said.

Myself, I think they're just going to continue to get worse.

Nibbler of Niblonia October 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

the bittersweet of it is these rubes will likely suffer just as badly under the Romney administration as they pretend they are suffering under Obama. fuck em

GunToting[Redacted] October 25, 2012 at 10:21 am

This will be of great comfort when I'm roasting my rat skewers over an open tire fire.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:44 pm

"these rubes will likely suffer just as badly under the Romney administration as they pretend they are suffering under Obama"

Yeah, but I'll bet $10,000 they won't blame it Romney and Ryan the way they blame it on Obama… for SOME reason.

bearperney October 25, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I agree! I suppose we'll just have to be satisfied with large doses of schadenfreude!

BoroPrimorac October 25, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Even if Obama wins, I hope congress passes voucherized care. I want to see how all the wanabe John Galts in the GOTP manage once they opt out of traditional Medicare. You hate government? Have at it. Let's see that smile when you realize that you have to pay way more out of pocket while going mano a mano with a private insurance behemoth.

Let's do the same with social security. Tell those who are against government to try their luck with the markets and us big government liberals will stay put. In twenty or thirty years from now, when old republicans are on the streets pushing around their belongings, I'll make sure to not give them a hand out. Nope. Sorry, buddy, you need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

Loch_Nessosaur October 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

“I’m tired of the Republicans blaming all the debt on Democrats, so let them take over and see what they do.”

Isn't that what happened in 2010 and that's working out oh so well.

JustPixelz October 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

You're thinking of 2001. And it was Repubicans blaming Clinton for running a surplus.

Loch_Nessosaur October 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

I was thinking of the 2010 Congressional and Senate races that gave us Joe Walsh, Allen West, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio and all the other nutter teabaggerz.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

Difficult to argue with that kind of …. reasoning?

slithytoves October 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

Nate Silver is the lone beacon of sanity in this new age of posturing, prevaricating, manipulating, soul-sucking douchebags and their kin.

Nibbler of Niblonia October 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

i read that as "lone bacon" and it made sense

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 9:51 am

I don't want lone bacon, I want slabs of it.

And slaw, TUBS of slaw.

cheetojeebus October 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

that ma'valous thick cut stuff with pepper corns al over it….not too crispy…

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

Ever have barbecued pork belly?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….talk about thick and juicy….

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm

And rye bread toast.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm

"And slaw, TUBS of slaw."

You can have tubs of slaw if I can have a separate but equal (heh) amount of guacamole.
Have we got a deal?

Terry October 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

Exactly. I check Nate Silver's blog and ignore the rest of the discussion of polling as people looking for a hook to draw in readership.

fuflans October 25, 2012 at 10:01 am

i check nate silver's blog because otherwise i would kill myself.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2012 at 10:26 am

Same here. Every morning.

GunToting[Redacted] October 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

But 538.com goes against conservitard wisdom, so therefore he is wrong/in the bag for Obama/evil.

SavageDrummer October 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

Plus, he totes looks like a nerd, amirite?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

It's a wonder he hasn't been Wellstoned.

ingloriousbytch October 25, 2012 at 10:47 am

I get the feeling that once the election is over Nate will get well-stoned.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I think a whole lot of people will, either to celebrate or as anesthesia.

fishskicanoe October 25, 2012 at 11:15 am
shelwood46 October 25, 2012 at 1:35 pm

That David Brooks article is great. Thanks.

BoroPrimorac October 25, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I hadn't seen that site before. Thank you.

gurukalehuru October 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

One of these days, guys, Nate Silver is going to predict somebody we don't like, because he is a no-nonsense pollster and American voters are retards. We will then turn on him faster than a windmill in a hurricane.
Until that day, all hail the mighty Nate Silver.

bobbert October 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

He already does so in some of the down-ticket races. And he did so in spades in 2010. I don't know about you, but I hail him because he is thorough and demonstrably accurate, not because he makes predictions I like.

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 10:23 pm

He does this on a nearly daily basis. I think he's actually given Florida and North Carolina (at least the latter) to Romney despite reputable polls showing no such thing.

Callyson October 25, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Snark off–if it weren't for Nate I'd probably be in a mental institution by now, or rehab. My anxiety over this election is sky high and I have been absolutely manic.

Also, from that AP article, for those who could not bear to click on it:

For all of the good news for Republicans, however, what matters most in the election endgame is Romney's standing in the handful of states whose electoral votes still are up for grabs. And polls in a number of those battleground states still appear to favor Mr. Obama.

Stay strong and fight on! (Repeating three times, looking in mirror, as necessary…)

fuflans October 25, 2012 at 8:05 pm

yeah, these polls have got usoff our butts and into iowa this weekend. and this is the only other thing keeping me sane:

Oct. 24: In Polls, Romney’s Momentum Seems to Have Stopped
By NATE SILVER

Mitt Romney clearly gained ground in the polls in the week or two after the Denver debate. However, the FiveThirtyEight forecast finds a slightly favorable trend for President Obama over the past 10 days.

Jukesgrrl October 25, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Something else to worry about. Nate says he has grown to hate politics so much he's threatening to quit and go back to sports full-time. He says you can predict someone's team is going to get crushed and they might get mad, but they won't threaten you with bodily harm.

Barbara_ October 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

I want to know what Chumlee thinks about this.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

"Duh, *gee*, Tennessee…! "

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

"I always talk to Corey first, but awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome."

BoroPrimorac October 25, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I'd rather sit down and have a heart to heart with Honey Boo-Boo's mom.

johnnyzhivago October 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

If you want to understand this election, please click on this "Rocko's Modern Life" cartoon and watch from 5:20 on (Rocko decides to run for dog catcher and his neighbor decides to run against him). It so perfectly describes Romney:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7QcQvOkhjw

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

Yeah, the first thing my disposable income goes to is signed paraphernalia.

I'm looking for necon signatures on transvaginal ultrasound equipment.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 9:53 am

Personally, I want Akin and Mourdock to sign a police rape kit.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:48 am

Priceless.

PsycWench October 25, 2012 at 9:56 am

Somehow I read that as a "automobile sales business" because my brain just wouldn't compute someone selling autographs in the current economy.

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

But didn't that signed X-box from Sarah Palin sell for like, $2 million dollars?

trampndirtdown October 25, 2012 at 10:06 am

i cannot imagine someone paying for SnowSnookie's box.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

I bet SP's signature has lots of grandiose swoopyness.

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:13 am

It is actually a very lazy signature, just the S and the P… she quits on spelling out the rest of her name…also, too.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:50 pm

but instead of hearts or smiley faces dotting the i's, little fetuses.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

It wasn't her X-Box, it was her sybian.

bobbert October 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Las Vegas. The money is already semi-detached from the visiting punters.

kittensdontlie October 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

I have a Great Investment™ in some Extra-Dry™ swampland in Florida™ on which we could dispose a bit of that income of yours.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

Sorry, I only invest in Brut swampland.

gurukalehuru October 25, 2012 at 11:57 am

David Bierwirth? Wasn't he the guy who ripped off stuff from O.J. Simpson?

(alternative snark: Whats' a Bierwirth?)

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 9:37 am

Oh fuck this shit. I've voted already. Can't take another muthafucking poll on this muthafuckin' election.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

It is certainly interesting to watch the media milk this campaign for all it's worth…

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 9:50 am

Yes. If by interesting, we mean that I've actually started to watch reruns of Real Housewives just to get away from it.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:52 pm

WE don't OWN a [sneer] television.
/every snooty Portland hipster, ever/

jodyleek October 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

Alt Text needs more Fred Sanford.

Nibbler of Niblonia October 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

we're doomed. dooooooooooooommmmmmmmeeeeeed

*credit to my dear friend bender bending rodriguez

Dr_Zoidberg October 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

Nibbler, old pal! Can you spare some of your Kibble 'N' Snouts for Zoidberg?

Nibbler of Niblonia October 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

All the niblonians are getting together for a feast of a thousand beasts this thanksgiving and you're not invited.

Dr_Zoidberg October 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Ok, this made me laugh out loud and now my employees are looking at me funny.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I thought that was more of a Kang and Kodos thing.
The appropriate Bender quote would be:
"Ask not for whom the bone bones; it bones for thee".

Nibbler of Niblonia October 25, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You're boned. Boooooooooooonnnnnnneeeeed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_49iNqxOnH4

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 9:40 am

Hate to break it to Ginny there. You're in Kentucky. Your Miffed vote will mean absolutely nothing. And Ginny, Mitch McConnell? Can we talk?

freddymcmurray October 25, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Exactly. it's why I love fighting with Repugs in Illinois. Their opinion's worth jack and shit, vote-wise.

Jukesgrrl October 25, 2012 at 9:19 pm

And I'll be Ginny had nothing to do with Bitch and Ayn Rand being IN the U.S. Senate, speaking of blamers.

mrblifil October 25, 2012 at 9:40 am

Autograph sales huckster goes for Romney? I am floored by this news. We need to boost our economy so I can by more FONZIE MEMORABILIA!!1!

Nibbler of Niblonia October 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

and he probably thinks solyndra was a huge boondoggle while he does it

zumpie October 25, 2012 at 10:06 am

I'm pretty usre he's the wingnut who whines about having to get a real job because his "small business" failed under the Evil Kenyan Muslin Usurper

shelwood46 October 25, 2012 at 1:47 pm

One amazing thing this election cycle has taught me is that being a business owner is easy. As long as you don't have to pay any taxes or employee healthcare, and, preferably, virtually no wages, you will succeed, no matter what your talents or product. Things like marketing and demand and efficiency are all immaterial.

Which is why Romney being a successful businessman is no big thang.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:10 am

I got this shark that he jumped for sale. Inbox me.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:13 am

"Inbox" is a verb now, hey? Quite inventive. Words are so funny.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

Upfist me… on second thought.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Sharkey libel!!

MosesInvests October 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

IIRC, Fonzie endorsed Obama in 2008.

Nibbler of Niblonia October 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

at this stage people are more concerned with voting for, and being right about, the winner than any real understanding of policy or governing.

mormos October 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm

A-fucking-men.

JustPixelz October 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

Now we'll have to hear a bunch of whining from Repubicans about "biased polls" again. … WHAT?! Silent? Really?

mrpuma2u October 25, 2012 at 11:15 am

Now the polls are speaking gawd's will. Just go to church and be thankful already.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

“I want people back to work,” he says, “because then they will buy my products."

Maybe you should get back to work, guy-who-sells-useless-shit-for-a-living.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 9:46 am

"I also want a Red Ryder BB gun."

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2012 at 9:50 am

I was promised a Brony pony. Where the FUCK is my pony?

ThundercatHo October 25, 2012 at 9:59 am

I happen to have an extra, when is your birthday? Now, I'm going to look up Brony since DokZoom wouldn't tell me the other day.

GunToting[Redacted] October 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

DON'T do an image search.

ThundercatHo October 25, 2012 at 9:54 am

Yeah, well good luck getting a new eyeball when Mittsy gets rid of Obamacare on Day 1.

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Well, those job loss numbers from the last half of 2008 definitely prove that Republicans are the people you want in charge, then.
President Obama's had 45 months – why is anyone still unemployed? We need W's economic geniuses back in command…

AlterNewt October 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

"I want people back to work,” he says, “because then they will buy my products."

Autographs. He sells autographs.

ph7 October 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

Nothing says "Daddy's back to work, bitches!" like flashing a new Pete Rose autograph to your emaciated children.

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

It's probably hard work forging all of those names….

SavageDrummer October 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

He totes built that though!

BoatOfVelociraptors October 25, 2012 at 12:09 pm

He didn't sign that!

ThundercatHo October 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

Rachael Maddow did this really scary scenario in which John Boner becomes president in the event of an electoral tie. The really facinating part is that Handsome Joe Biden becomes VP and would probably kick the shit out of him in one of those quiet rooms.

Chet Kincaid_ October 25, 2012 at 9:46 am

Did she hold a flashlight under her face while she described it?

ThundercatHo October 25, 2012 at 9:51 am

Ha! No, that would have been good though. Actually, the most disturbing part of her show was her story on how close we really are to losing Roe v. Wade. I had no idea and I'll bet most other vaginal americans do either.

Chet Kincaid_ October 25, 2012 at 10:38 am

Has this not been #1 on the Supreme Court Appointments Agenda since 1980? I don't know how people could miss it.

ThundercatHo October 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Denial I guess or maybe it is a right we have taken for granted and did not believe that these less intelligently designed folks could truly make this come to pass.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:59 pm

My pulled out of my hat observation is that even the Repukes don't really want to overturn Roe v. Wade, because even a group of people so dogma-blinded and, how you say?, stupid, realize that the majority of Americans are pro-choice, and that an overturn would make them VERY unpopular — so what they've spent the last 40 or so years doing instead is making abortions impossible to get, rather than illegal; a de facto ban on abortion works as well or better than a de jure one, and relieves them of accountability.

shelwood46 October 25, 2012 at 1:53 pm

No, their new meme is that, absolutely, let's overturn Roe v. Wade, but don't worry your purty lil head about it because then the matter of abortion goes to the states, doncha see? So, as long as you live in one of those blue states, you can still murder your babbies. But the right-thinking folks in the red states, well, they can put a stop to that inside their sovereign borders.

ThundercatHo October 25, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I don't think they care since they have so many "low information" voters, religious zealots and Karl Rove. We may eventually win by attrition but it's gonna take awhile, especially if Mama Duggar keeps droppin' calves.

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 9:53 am

Well, Halloween is almost upon us, after all.

PugglesRule October 25, 2012 at 10:58 am

I think *I* could kick the shit out of John Boner, and I'm a 62 year old woman who is 5 feet 1.

calliecallie October 25, 2012 at 11:51 am

That is a cage match I would like to see!

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I'll sit on him until he cries; except it would the the closest to a woman's ass he's been in 50 years.

kittensdontlie October 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

Someday we are gonna have an apocalyptic nuclear war that wipes out all humanity, and I want a Republican to start it, that is why Mittens has my support.

lumpenprole October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

I was hoping that the war would be started by some idiot trying to kickstart the Rapture, but Mormon apocalypse will do.

Dr_Zoidberg October 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

"Mormon apocalypse' actually sounds like the most boring apocalypse ever. Nothing but bland people and white-bread sandwiches everywhere.

mrpuma2u October 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

and no booze! or caffeine even! That apocalypse would suck big time.

heathenette October 25, 2012 at 11:17 am

Don’t forget the mayo!

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:01 pm

With a glass of lukewarm water on the side.

Beetagger October 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

I want to vote for the lying white guy because…. negro. That's about it, right?

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 9:50 am

Yup. Pretty much.

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 10:00 am

Only in 38 states.

hagajim October 25, 2012 at 10:06 am

So only two-thirds of us (state-wise) are racist assholes? Good thing most of us don't live in those states.

SavageDrummer October 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

3/5ths I think…

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

But he's lying to me!

deanbooth October 25, 2012 at 9:46 am

I'm listening to the hum of chainsaws as workmen cut down the big, dying tree in my backyard. Something, something… USA!

fuflans October 25, 2012 at 10:03 am

so THAT's whose making all that confounded noise as i attempt to prepare for a job interview.

(seriously, someone is wielding a chainsaw with vigor).

Dr_Zoidberg October 25, 2012 at 10:54 am

Nailed it!

OneYieldRegular October 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

A Las Vegas autograph sales business is struggling? D'uh! Like someone's actually going to buy the autograph of an Elvis or Michael Jackson impersonator.

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

I want people back to work, he says, because then they will buy my products.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You fucking idiot.

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

Delusional fuckwit is fuck witted.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm

And delusional.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

Ginny Lewis, a Democrat and 72-year-old retired district attorney from Princeton, Ky., says she’ll vote for Romney because “I’m tired of the Republicans blaming all the debt on Democrats, so let them take over and see what they do.”

Bet she voted for Nader, too

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 9:53 am

"Yeah, that'll show 'em, alright, Ginny. Now, which pills did you take this morning?"

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

Y'know, thinking about this statement even more, did she forget the Bush years, too?

How the hell does she think we got into this mess in the first place?

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 10:38 am

Didn't it pretty much start with Reagan, with his deregulation and "trickle-down" bullshit?

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:06 pm

And don't forget union-busting and dismantling the social safety net, folks!

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

And, yet Willard continues to trail in Ohio despite all this bullshit narrative of momentum, and thus won't win the presidency, bless his heart.

Joe Scarborough was already freaking out, this morning, realizing that Romney can't do much of shit without Ohio, and his people are already conceding Nevada behind the scenes.

One of these days, they'll be able to buy one of these elections, but, no sir, not today.

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2012 at 9:53 am

Good lord, thanks for this. After listening to NPR this morning (NPR, for crying out loud!), I was ready to crawl out on the ledge.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 9:57 am

Yea, NBC was saying this morning that if Ohio goes to Obama, Romney basically needs Iowa, Missouri, New Hampshire, Nevada, New Mexico and China to win, plus five of the seven other battleground states.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 9:54 am

I thought they already had. In 2000.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I hate to be a Negative Nellie, but this millennium really kinda sucks so far, doesn't it?

DemmeFatale October 25, 2012 at 11:24 am

Are these the land-line polls?
Cause if they are, they are REALLY messed up.
My girls and husband are all Obama voters and non land-line users.
Polls like this will totally motivate Obama's base.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:08 pm

As much as I'm enjoying your optimism, don't Romney's sons and friends own great big chunks of the voting machine companies, particularly in Ohio?

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 10:20 pm

If they want to try that shit, again, they are going to have to be ready for even more blowback than in 2004, because early voting is making up more and more of the total vote, and we're getting numbers back earlier and earlier, so it would be extremely difficult to engineer a "surprise" on election day.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 9:50 am

Errrrrrrrrrr, uhhhhh, Josh?

Nate talks about the Gallup poll, but it's AP that's polling Romney with a sizable lead now. That means Gallup is no longer an outlier, and neither is AP

JustPixelz October 25, 2012 at 9:51 am

[men] who have suddenly realized that ladies are more likely to do sex with you if they can get their birth control for free.."

But what about the 47% men who couldn't get laid on AIDS-is-cured-day? They'll vote for Romney no matter what. They keep Fleshbot in business (job creators!) but my job is not to worry about them.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 9:58 am

Oh no! They'll vote for whichever candidate makes them feel sexay while they're ovulating? Or drinking Ovaltine. Or something like that.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:17 am

My mom used to try and get me to drink Ovaltine. I thought it tasted like chocolate milk with ground-up, uncooked oatmeal in it.

Native_of_SL_UT October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

That should totally be a campaign ad for Obama.
Women: Get your free government issued birth control.
Men: Enjoy all the newly available loose women.

That message would completely take away the advantage Republicans have with us men if our other head got to do some thinking while we are voting.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:12 pm

You're not a native of SLUT for nothing.

delaney_blom October 25, 2012 at 9:51 am

Intrade's got Obama at 58.6% today, but it could be a bit of a lagger.

lulzmonger October 25, 2012 at 1:48 pm

… for values of "lagger" that = "wingnuts pouring loads of money into Romney bets to simulate momentum," sure.

Incitefully_Joe October 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

Right, but what's the internal gender breakdown of the AP poll? For all we know, all the ladies went for Romney because it was during their monthly bleedy-cranky-time*.

Unskew the polls!

*FUN FACT: this is actually the technical medical term here. I've worked for a GYN doc, so I must be right.

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 9:54 am

OT: And BOOM goes the dynamite. Colin Powell endorses Obama, again. I know he's the guy who put his credibility and dignity on the line to make the Iraq War happen, but if this fools a few rubes, I couldn't care less who endorses the president.

TavariousChinaSmith October 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

Also, no weapons of mass destruction were found in Romney's (magic) briefs.

weejee October 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

But perhaps those well-worn briefs were a tell that Willard needs a Ba'ath?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

You could tell by the Shi-ite stains.

PsycWench October 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

I gave up on polls a while back when I realized that everyone else is probably ignoring their ringing phone the way that the PsycWench household has been doing since September.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

At least they're nice enough to have that dead air after you say hello so you know to just hang up immediately.

finallyhappy October 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

yeah, like I am going to answer "unavailable" " out of area" or "Texas"

Native_of_SL_UT October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

With everybody now having caller ID, I suspect only stupid people answer their phones when an unknown number pops up during an election cycle.

We only find out what stupid people think.

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

This election season has seen more troll polling than I've ever seen in a presidential election. Lots of shitty, fly-by-night hit-jobs trying to shape public opinion in favor of Romney. superPAC money is a helluva drug.

Radiotherapy October 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

And don't forget to keep it seemingly close — for ratings and ads.

PsycWench October 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

This election season has seen a lot of crap that I don't remember seeing at this level before. But at least no one has stolen our Obama sign.

FlownOver October 25, 2012 at 9:57 am

"AP Poll?" Are you kidding me? The AP's terminal journalistic atrophy doesn't inspire hella confidence in their ability to gauge public opinion.

Wadisay October 25, 2012 at 9:58 am

With reasoning skills like that, I bet Ginny Lewis found herself getting boned about 3 times a day when she was younger.

FakaktaSouth October 25, 2012 at 10:00 am

Yes, well then, I suppose I should vote Republitard as well. I wanna see if I can have me one of them bona fide God sanctioned rape babies.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:03 am

Are you in a committed relationship and are you ovulating?

FakaktaSouth October 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

hmmm, yes most definitely and pretty much all the time…I'll let you decide which answer goes with which question…biology? fidelity? how does that work? something something aspirin and whore pills, so confusing…

prommie October 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

Tapping my foot, arms crossed.

FakaktaSouth October 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

Well stop it, we ain't gonna get ANY kinda babies thaaat way, my one and only true love forever.
(Is that better? I really do not want to be stranded in Newark.)

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:06 am

Listen, is there something we can put in the drinking water now that will force nationwide ovulation on Nov 6?

No. Wait. That would mean on Nov. 20, the entire nation would be on the rag, and I just gave up my membership in Fallout Shelter Of The Month Club

Radiotherapy October 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

Is that kid in the .gif doing a shuck and jive? Just wondering.

Jukesgrrl October 25, 2012 at 9:32 pm

It's a gangnam-style heart attack.

Goonemeritus October 25, 2012 at 10:13 am

It’s always darkest right before someone sneaks up behind you stabs you to death and steels your I-Phone.

fawkedifiknow October 25, 2012 at 10:16 am

It's quotes from other voters like these that make me question the whole idea of self-government.

GregComlish October 25, 2012 at 10:17 am

let [the Republicans] take over and see what they do.”

They'll probabaly cut Medicare and Social Security and then piss on your grave.

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

They'll probabaly cut Medicare and Social Security and then piss on your grave.

FIFY

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 10:22 am

We won't be able to afford graves.

MilwaukeeKent October 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

Look, if you don't like one of Romney's positions ("upright" for instance, or "sitting") just check the record and you can find him saying the opposite thing.

weejee October 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

Is Willard still listening to channeling Breitfart?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

It's easier now that Breitfart is a Mormon.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

It's like playing MadLibs!

weejee October 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% 71% chance

God's will be done.

SavageDrummer October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

And rising!

"+5.3 since Oct. 17"

weejee October 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

And with moar Thor's day polls today & tomorrow, that will show Bamz hammering Mittens, so that tomorrow on Freges day Silver's polling calcs will be filled with mass ovulation showing Barry's odds taking off like a rocket.

finallyhappy October 25, 2012 at 11:17 am

God's will- you mean pregnancy from a rape??

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

Josh – did you personally taze that kid for the photo?

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 10:22 am

There is a perspective to Nate Silver's "Chance of Winning" statistic which is at 70.1% this morning. The closer the election the more a smaller difference in the electoral vote and popular vote will produce the same or a larger percentage in the "Chance of Winning."

cheetojeebus October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

damn it, i just had a stabbing pain in my cogitator while trying to figure this out.

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

No “Chance of Winning” can be accurate but if Obama has a 70.1% chance 12 days out relying on 290 electoral votes then on the night before the election if he can rely on 290 electoral votes would the model still have the “Chance of Winning” at only 70.1%?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

Obviously the solution is to have all the women synchronize their menstruation cycles. Ready? Begin!

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:42 am

It's not OK to kick-start them, though.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

That's possibly a function of the nearness of the election: fewer undecideds, for one thing, so a swing in the polls means one candidate is taking votes away from the other side as opposed to persuading the undecided.

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

This just in: "Oregon scientists make embryos with 2 women, 1 man."

That's the way I always wanted to do it.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

My 401k can’t take another Republican presidency. All that fiscal responsibility is making me poor.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

I still do not understand the appeal of Mitt Romney. The man is like every bullshit businessman I've ever known.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

Like a car salesman?

And yet, people still buy cars…

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

True, but it's usually despite the salesman.

Also, I think most people do more research on the car itself prior to purchase than they do the issues prior to voting.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

I suspect the appeal is that he's not of the negroidal persuasion.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:55 am

As a white guy, it is kind of confusing. If I vote for Obama, it's because I'm racist. But, if I vote for Romney, it's also because I'm racist.

And here I thought I just hated everybody.

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Wow, you're angry. Just seething with frustrated entitlement and fear.

Quit it. You're just fulfilling the stereotype of us white guys.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm

As I think Snoop Dogg (!) said, he's like every boss you've ever had and hated.

proudgrampa October 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!!!!

i CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE!!! GET THIS FUCKING ELECTION OVER WITH, FERCRYINOUTLOUD!!! FUCKING DEMOCRATS VOTING FOR REPUBLICANS!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE????!!!!????

"SCIENTIFIC POLLS" THAT CONTRADICT EACH OTHER!!! WHAT "SCIENCE" ARE THESE FUCKING PEOPLE USING???

AAAAARRRRRGH!!!!

(proudgrampa takes shotgun and fires it at TV and laptop, tears off clothes, screaming obscenities, and runs into street, frightening the children)

*proudgrampa would like to apologize for this outburst, he feels better now*

DemmeFatale October 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

Back away from the computer, grampa.
Things will be OK.
I'm so glad you feel better now.
(Stick with the decaf.)

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Looks like somebody forgot to take their Metamucil-and-vodka-tini this morning.

fuflans October 25, 2012 at 8:20 pm

awesome.

pdiddycornchips October 25, 2012 at 10:32 am

It'll be interesting to see what happens on election night. Will Florida's huge Hispanic demo surprise everyone and bring it home for Barry? Will rural Ohio voters vote in huge numbers and turn Ohio from Blue to Red? Will Michigan be the biggest surprise of all? Will I survive the mixture of anxiety, meth, cocaine and scotch?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2012 at 10:32 am

Hey! Colin Powel just endorsed Hopey! This changes everything. I guess he’s still bitter about being lied to by the Bush administration and tricked into supporting a couple of wars.

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

Powell will endorse anyone who doesn't do a crude joke when he mentions his first name. Dubya was too stupid to know until Rumsfeld started calling him Asshole Powell.

Generation[redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Too bad he burned all his credibility with one presentation to the UN.

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I am happy for his endorsement, if only for cynical and political reasons, but let's not get carried away, now. Regardless of how he wants to spin his legacy, he knew what was going on. I consider these endorsements just the very start of making up for the deep wound he inflicted on this nation by extending his credibility and the good-will built up for him when he went and lied in front of the UN along with Condi & Co.

Let this be part of his journey on the road to redemption. I don't want people to forget that redemption is a marathon and not a sprint, and Powell still has a very long way to go for his involvement in Iraq.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2012 at 10:46 pm

So you're saying he was the Bush administration's token intellectual?

Ruhe October 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

Does the kid in the video die? I'm not gonna die if Barry loses, at least not right away.

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

http://www.electoral-vote.com/ just went with NH, VA and OH for Obama, all which had polls as tied yesterday.

RomneysLogCabin October 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

Like Ginny (KY) and unfortunately, my own mother (NY), I'm comforted by the fact that their votes don't matter one fucking bit.

Any hotlines or intervention specialists available for Fox News addicts?

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

Interesting clip of a young Colin Powell catching a glimpse of his future as a sold-out tool for THE COMPANY, starting with his "Containment" of the Mai Lai Massacre as a young Major in the 'Nam.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Funny we don't hear much about that, innit?

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I guess because he did such a bang-up job….

Generation[redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I remember how outraged America was… that one of our soldiers might be held responsible or face any kind of punishment.

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Sick, just sick. As if no one understood what “Free-Fire Zone” meant.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 2:11 pm

General Casey: [talking on phone] Hello? This is General Casey. I get to meet the Martian Ambassador! Ain't that great? Oh, it's a hell of an honor. But didn't I always tell you honey, if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen.

(That's not entirely fair to Powell, but I just wanted an excuse to post that quote.)

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

At first, just a few in the Pentagon knew he was just a reliable tool. Thanks to Dubya, the whole world knows it now. This is how it works, from Jamie Dimon down to the lowest Second Louie in the Army: to get along, you better go along.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

finallyhappy October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

The AP is getting older women (and men) who answer any phone call. My mom did that until we got her a phone that told her who is calling. I get almost no real calls on my landline anymore – probably time to get rid of it.

barto October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

Tell the nice lady that revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait for Tagg in 2024.

Millennial Malaise October 25, 2012 at 11:26 am

Let's face it, us pussified Libtards were more ready to storm the White House when Bush was pissing on the constitution than we are now, when Obama's just kind of crumpling it up behind his desk. Now we're all, "let's be rational voters, lesser of two evils, buttsex and abortions for everyone!!"

Ginny is just trying to get the revolution started as soon as possible.

Blunderthing October 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I just LOVE the concept that if the country loses, EVERYBODY WINS! It's a madcap mirror world and we're just rays of light bouncing to the beat.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:38 pm

So now we know who buys tampon earrings.

Gleem McShineys October 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm

They are very useful to people like Ginny, for when your ears start bleeding due to all that big thinking.

Gorillionaire October 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm

My Mom, who is 71, yesterday was asking me some stuff about Medicare, and I explained to her how Medicare changed during the Bush years with the ps drug program, and she said "I'm not voting for him either!"

Callyson October 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm

The latest from Nate Silver:

Oct. 24: In Polls, Romney’s Momentum Seems to Have Stopped

http://fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/

Stay strong and fight on!

DocChaos October 25, 2012 at 1:50 pm

AP-GfK poll taken Oct16-20, 2008. Obama 44 McCain 43

Jukesgrrl October 25, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Thanks for posting that. Makes me feel better than anything I've heard this week.

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Reminds me of how close McCain was polling in Michigan a few weeks before the election, and people weren't worried, but still a bit wary…and then Obama won by nearly 17 points. That's not going to happen, this time, but it's always good to remind people to concentrate less on the numbers and more on the trends.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Daily Kos poll shows a big increase in early voting — in North Carolina, no less!:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/10/25/1150006/

Jukesgrrl October 25, 2012 at 9:37 pm

The remember how long they stood in line in 2008.

decentcitizen October 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Luckily, decentcitizen moved from a state where his vote didn't count to a state that has Obama people dropping by his house to chat twice a week. If you're canvassing KY, you're doing it wrong.

SavageDrummer October 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

To be fair, both "Sarah" and "Palin" are very hard words to spell…

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

I just looked it up. It's grandiose and swoopy alright.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sarah_palin_sig

prommie October 25, 2012 at 11:00 am

You are like a hurricane (yes Neil Young), its appropriate you show up with one coming right behind you, my only love.

finallyhappy October 25, 2012 at 11:17 am

get a room, you two!

prommie October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

We make bets with each other, on how many posts it will take to make someone say that!

FakaktaSouth October 25, 2012 at 11:40 am

you owe me AT LEAST 3 tequilas now.

calliecallie October 25, 2012 at 11:47 am

I expected a little heart or circle over the "i".

prommie October 25, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Y escapamos!

HistoriCat October 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Statistically speaking, one of those kids has to be gay. Can't wait for him or her to come out of the closet.

Jukesgrrl October 25, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Yes, and all of the people taking it for granted are why everyone still left contributing to NARAL (that's the National Abortion Rights Action League for you kiddies), are collecting Social Security.

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