Sarah Palin Will No Longer Be Racist As Soon As She Understands What Racism Is

  it's not racist if other white people say it

what sarah palin thinks all racism is

Hey, so after Arctic griftbull Sarah Palin was balls-out racist yesterday, saying Blackrack Obama was committing a “shuck and jive” against white people, she took to Facebook to pen a response to her awful critics. Well, not “pen,” someone else wrote it for her. Someone white.

For the record, there was nothing remotely racist in my use of the phrase “shuck and jive” – a phrase which many people have used, including Chris Matthews, Andrew Cuomo, and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney to name a few off the top of my head. In fact, Andrew Cuomo also used the phrase in reference to Barack Obama, and the fact that Mr. Cuomo and I used the phrase in relation to President Obama signifies nothing out of the ordinary.

Actually, when Cuomo said “You can’t shuck and jive at a press conference. All those moves you can make with the press don’t work when you’re in someone’s living room,” it was racist. This has been your moment of blacksplanation.

Thankfully, though, Sarah Palin will take oppressive PC-ism to heart, and also refrain from saying other things, because her daughter is also part non-pure.

 
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As she is part Yup’ik Eskimo, I’m not sure if this term would be deemed offensive when it’s directed at her or if it would be considered benign as in the case of Chris Matthews’ use of it in reference to Rachel Maddow. Just to be careful, from now on I’ll avoid using it with Piper, and I would appreciate it if the media refrained from using words and phrases like igloo, Eskimo Pie, and “when hell freezes over,” as they might be considered offensive by my extended Alaska Native family.

Hahaha, remember when we enslaved the Eskimo and then were like “when you culturally enslave and kill an Eskimo and then sandwich their corpse between their cultural artifacts, that’s an Eskimo Pie?”

Oh, I miss last Thursday.

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215 comments

    1. comrad_darkness

      Her kids are old enough to care for themselves, so yes, she's just eating the caribou meant for them, that selfish old bittie.

    1. jcinco

      tundra tramp needs to go drink an ensure, wash her hair and go on another shopping trip to Hot Topic in the mall.

  1. elviouslyqueer

    Yo, Frosty Fuckbucket. Still waiting to see your enraged missive to your Faux News compatriot Ann Coulter over his use of the "r" word. Any. fucking. day. now.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I just tried to post something to that effect & it kept getting deleted. Jack Stuef definitely left his mark on Wonkette.

      1. RomneysLogCabin

        Agreed. I tried 6 different ways to make a T-r-i-g reference, but I was denied.

        I guess it's not fair to poke a stick at a defenseless lump b/c of Mom's stupidity.

      1. prommie

        Could you help me find precedent for the proposition that a sale with a finance contingency is still a "bona fide" sale, and further, this is important, that anyone who suggests otherwise is a fucking moron?

        1. FakaktaSouth

          Precedent? Like, every single person who has ever financed anything instead of paying cash? And yes, fucking moron.
          We're gonna get told to "get a boring regulations room" now you know.

          1. prommie

            I hate having to make the argument that "your point is false as evidenced by the fact that in the entirety of the law, there is nothing which establishes it as true." I am now writing "apparently no judge ever felt that the MVC's specious argument was worthy of the dignity of refuting it."

          2. BerkeleyBear

            Those are the worst – arguments so stupid/off base they leave you having to either fix them to bring them into line with convention to then trash them or nothing on point to counter with.

            My favorite was the guy who said since 1 percent was nominal and he was sure his untested technology was worth billions of dollars the "nominal damages" he had been limited to by the judge could still be in the tens of millions. You can't unread that.

          3. prommie

            Holy fuck. I have seen such dumbass out of context shit win, though. Dumb fuck judges are a real thing, too.

          4. prommie

            Hell, Scalia's opinion supporting Bush's stay of the Florida recount, saying Bush would suffer irreperable harm if, duh, he lost the recount, that was just as fucking stupid stupid stupid. Scalia knew it too, blatant shameless corruption on display there.

    1. bikerlaureate

      See? See?? Both sides do it.

      Of course not taking the Snowbilly Grifter seriously is the real offense.

    1. BadKitty904

      I do have to wonder why the press keeps reporting on anything she says. Why would her uninformed opinions be of interest to anyone?

      'Sides, the sooner she's ignored, the sooner she'll go away…

  2. Barbara_

    My husband was leaving a business trip in Vegas last night and the whole airport got locked down so that President Obama could land in Air Force One. A good friend joked to me, "How uppity of him."

    Classic.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Dang, same thing happened to me once flying back in to SA, Cheney's arrival at San Antonio International resulted in my flight being in a holding pattern for over two hours and not landing till after 1AM. If I hadn't already hated that Dick before this incident, I sure would have afterwards.

    2. MegPasadena

      Got a phone call from my boyfriend Barry yesterday (actually a conference call).
      He said he is on a 48 hr campaign extravaganza!

  3. Beetagger

    It's a good thing there's no black people in Alaska, or they go upside her head. (Eskimo Pie… heh and yuck.)

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        She's the only sitting Governor of Alaska that failed to issue a proclamation for a celebration commemorating the freeing of U.S. slaves. She only retroactively issued the proclamation prior to her resignation.

  4. actor212

    I'll stop using Eskimo Pie when she stops her blubbering. This is a whale of a tale you're telling here, honey. I'm sure you thought your comment was just a totem pole dance to your fan base, but we all heard the dogwhistle like it was the start of the Idiotatard.

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …blubber comes whales…killer whales are native to the Bering Sea…the Bering Sea is located off the coast Alaska…Eskimos are native to Alaska…Eskimos live in Igloos…and Igloo is an offensive term! Congratulations, you are RACIST!!!

      1. AngryBlakGuy

        …actually the original draft referenced the president "putting on a show like Fredrick Douglas in Black Face ", but her handlers figured it was a bit over the top!

  5. hagajim

    Why does anyone still care about what this snowbilly idiot has to say. Sarah just needs to shuck Tawd's jive and be done with it.

  6. KeepFnThatChicken

    It helps knowing she says words without knowing what they mean.

    And by "helps" I mean "makes our day more pleasant through abrasive laughter at her"

    1. chicken_thief

      I think he said he wanted to shuck her jive. But it was hard to tell 'cause the fucker slobbers so much when he gets going.

      But then, what man doesn't wanna be the one to *convert* Rachel…

  7. FakaktaSouth

    "the fact that I…used the phrase in relation to President Obama signifies nothing out of the ordinary."

    I mean what the hell people, I say things all the time that are ridiculous and offensive, moronic and untrue – like "my extended Alaska Native Family" – you don't think there are a BUNCH of pissed off Inuits now that I have claimed to have an association? They don't want my stank on them neither, but here I go, shucking and jiving anyway.

    This bitch did this on purpose like Donald "why is no one looking at me, I need someone to look at me" Trump.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Inuits are the Arctic, North Slope type Eskimo. The people whose blood quantum has trickled down to blue-eyed Todd are Yup'ik Eskimo. And yeah, we could do without his (and her) oft cited lineage.

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …nah, however if you ask the Black dog for its original "Long Form Birth Certificate" then you are racist!

  8. KeepFnThatChicken

    Just to be careful, from now on I’ll avoid using it with Piper, and I would appreciate it if the media refrained from using words and phrases like igloo, Eskimo Pie, and “when hell freezes over,” as they might be considered offensive by my extended Alaska Native family.

    And here's why you aren't presidential.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Her big defense was that she said she tells Piper to stop shucking and jiving when doing her homework? This leads me to believe that perhaps she really does NOT understand the term or that she is fucking lying and came up with that excuse also "off the top of her head." She's lying, isn't she? Using her kids in a big old lie after she said something racist. She is a great mom.

  9. LibertyLover

    Once again, Sarah has proved that we dodged a HUGE bullet 4 years ago…

    Thankfully, she is only spouting nonsense on the TV and on her own FB page rather than spouting nonsense at some foreign policy dinner or causing an international incident or perhaps starting some new war somewhere just by wearing her naughty monkey pumps in some Middle Eastern country.

  10. Radiotherapy

    "Off the top of her head"??!?
    Like when she couldn't name a single thing she reads or a SCOTUS case "Off the top of her head"?
    Go back to eating yellow snow you world class cunt.

  11. freakishlywrong

    Why is Piper the only one with native Alaskan heritage? Hmmmmm? Inquiring minds wan…oh, no we the fuck don't

  12. fawkedifiknow

    You mean I can never say "Swedish Meat Balls" or "American Pie" or "Hawaiian Fruit Punch" or "Wisconsin Cheese" etc etc, because that's racist?

    I'm sure "Baked Alaskan" would really piss the snowbilly off.

  13. Wadisay

    …to name a few off the top of my head…

    …which is only a molecule or two away from the bottom of her head.

    1. jcinco

      not if tranny annie says it and trannygranny doesn't hear it with her own cosmetically altered ears.

  14. Incitefully_Joe

    I can't wait until Lou Sarah or somebody has to explain how when they called the President a ni**er, they didn't mean it in an offensive way, and honestly how is that word really be offensive any way, after all, those rap guys say it all the time in their songs, so stop being so oversensitive.

    Any day now.

  15. 1stNewtontheMoon

    Yeah, 20-something years ago Sarah fucked Glen Rice!!!11! Nevar Forgett!! It's mathematically impossible for her to do/say racist stuff.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    Actually the Eskimo (or the Inuit and Dene, among other groups in the Arctic) were treated horribly by whites when they ran into each other — their land was exploited, their food was hunted to the point where they were starving for lack of it when hundreds of whaling ships entered the Arctic after depleting stocks in the Atlantic and Pacific; their traditions, artifacts and culture were watered down and dissipated for monetary gain and they were belittled and shoved around at the slightest whims of the whites there.

    So it's really truly refreshing for Sarah to be aware of her daughter's heritage and make use of it to — um — justify using another exploitative and racist term. Really fucking refreshing.

  17. Goonemeritus

    As I am part of the Human Race I find virtually any words emanating from Ms. Palin’s mouth offensive. I would greatly appreciate her corporation in rectifying this matter.

  18. coolhandnuke

    Lou Reed: Last Great American whale

    They say he didn't have an enemy
    his was a greatness to behold
    He was the last surviving progeny
    the last one on this side of the world

    He measured a half mile from tip to tail
    silver and black with powerful fins
    They say he could split a mountain in two
    that's how we got the Grand Canyon

    Some say they saw him at the Great Lakes
    some say they saw him off of Florida
    My mother said she saw him in Chinatown
    but you can't always trust your mother

    Off the Carolinas the sun shines brightly in the day
    the lighthouse glows ghostly there at night
    The chief of a local tribe had killed a racist mayor's son
    and he'd been on death row since 1958

    The mayor's kid was a rowdy pig
    spit on Indians and lots worse
    The old chief buried a hatchet in his head
    life compared to death for him seemed worse

    The tribal brothers gathered in the lighthouse to sing
    and tried to conjure up a storm or rain
    The harbor parted, the great whale sprang full up
    and caused a hugh tidal wave

    The wave crushed the jail and freed the chief
    the tribe let out a roar
    The whites were drowned, the browns and reds set free
    but sadly one thing more

    Some local yokel member of the NRA
    kept a bazooka in his living room
    And thinking he had the chief in his sight
    blew the whale's brains out with a lead harpoon

    Well Americans don't care for much of anything
    land and water the least
    And animal life is low on the totem pole
    with human life not worth more than infected yeast

    Americans don't care too much for beauty
    they'll shit in a river, dump battery acid in a stream
    They'll watch dead rats wash up on the beach
    and complain if they can't swim

    They say things are done for the majority
    don't believe half of what you see and none of what you hear
    It's like what my painter friend Donald said to me
    "Stick a fork in their ass and turn them over, they're done"

  19. AngryBlakGuy

    …WTF is wrong with this idiot?!

    "As she is part Yup’ik Eskimo, I’m not sure if this term would be deemed offensive when it’s directed at her or if it would be considered benign as in the case of Chris Matthews’ use of it in reference to Rachel Maddow. Just to be careful, from now on I’ll avoid using it with Piper, and I would appreciate it if the media refrained from using words and phrases like igloo, Eskimo Pie, and “when hell freezes over,” as they might be considered offensive by my extended Alaska Native family."

    Moving forward the uses of the following words have been deemed racist by the Angry Blakk People Council:

    -Blackened Chicken
    -Black hole
    -Rumble in the Jungle
    -People of color

        1. Negropolis

          Does anyone remember the original The Apprentice when someone said that to Omarosa and she lost her goddamned mind because she thought it was racist? lol

  20. Chet Kincaid_

    Nobody who uses the term "shuckin' and jivin'" even knows what the fuck it means, it's just the first thing that comes to mind to insult a black person with that they remember from some old episode of a Norman Lear sitcom or "Airplane." No black person has used the word "jive" in everyday conversation since Reagan was sworn in, I can assure you.

    1. BornInATrailer

      Say what!? Chet, you jive talkin' turkey.

      (Sorry, I was watching episodes of Sanford & Son last night.)

  21. Native_of_SL_UT

    So does this mean it's OK to call her kid a retard, cause after all, Ann Coulter said it so it must be acceptable now.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Well, the language evolves. Used to be you couldn't use the word "ain't" without getting castigated.

      1. Yellerdawg

        Man, I've used 'ain't' all my life and there ain't nobody that ever threatened to cut my nuts off for it.

  22. 1stNewtontheMoon

    I didn't think I could be surprised by the level of stupidity that is spewed from this woman's orifices. However, the hell freezes over thing doesn't even make sense even in an "otherwise ignoring the blatant cognitive dissonance" way that can sometimes be used to interpret Palinese. I'm pretty sure that phrase was around before Alaska was a state (and probably even before white people killed indigenous peoples of the Americas en masse).

    "Hey, you're talking about hot places becoming improbably cold, cold's our thing, goddamn it!"

  23. arduinohacker

    It's pretty clear she didn't write that response. The sentences are mostly grammatical. It's a little bit of a lie, as it's doubtful that she knew who has used that term "off the top of her head". What a moron. She can't write, or get a plausiblly-styled ghostwriter.

  24. GregComlish

    Hmmmm … Interesting how she choose to emphasize her daughter's 3/16ths Innuit heritage rather than her husband's full 3/8ths. Guess Todd's back to banging that Wasilla massage hooker. And why is she now pimping Piper instead of Bristol? A tacit admission that the Bristol's reality TV stardom has already burned out.

    1. Native_of_SL_UT

      I thought it was an admission that Bristol and Truck (or whatever the fuck his name his) weren't Todd's kids.

  25. Terry

    "Hahaha, remember when we enslaved the Eskimo…"

    Well, actually, in the south central region of Alaska (around Prince William Sound and adjacent areas) and out on the Aleutian Islands, the Russians did pretty much enslave the Native people. They took the women and children captive and made the men bring in furs to pay for the just awesome care the Russians were giving their families and give the Russians massive profits, of course. The Aleutiiq people of south-central AK did rise up and kill a bunch of Russians and break the system, to a degree. The Russians and the Americans who followed instituted a script system where the Native men would trade the furs they brought in for script that could be used only in the company store (some mining companies in the Appalachians and Alleganies did this too). The script system collapsed when the price of furs plummeted and there was no way that the hunters could bring in enough firs to pay the debts their families accumulated during the year.

  26. Incitefully_Joe

    Wait guys, I just realized that Sarah Palin was being facetious, and she actually was just saying that no words should ever be presumed to have some loaded intended connotation, even when even conjuring them up in the first place involves a huge stretch of context because those words don't actually fit naturally into the converation and also the words themselves have an explicitly racial root.

    Which is why, presumably Sarah Palin endorses the idea that words like out-rigger, the mathematical concept describing the way that angles and sides of triangles are related to each other, and the firing mechanisms of weapons be removed from our moderation filter, because the subtextual meanings of words are never offensive.

  27. Sue4466

    Still waiting for Palin to go off on Ann Coulter for calling Obama a retard. Just like she did to Rahm Emanuel.

    Waiting, but not holding my breath.

  28. Dr. Matt

    OSarah bin Palin sits in a glass case that reads, "break glass in case of something stupid needs to be said".

  29. RomneysLogCabin

    I think the newest Palin child would have more political insight than Mommy, or should I say Grandma?

  30. bfddad

    Wait, the word "igloo" is offensive? When did that happen? Or is it like slang for "projects?" I am confused.

  31. barto

    The list of things that Sarah needs to understand is endless. But yes, racism is definitely one of them, yup yup yup!

  32. mavenmaven

    "Hell freezing over" is racist against Scandinavians. Especially if one uses the V word (for Valhalla)

    1. BornInATrailer

      We don't run around in little horned helmets all day either, you fucking racists. Stupid mascots.

  33. wapitiscat

    I agree that Sarah should be ignored but I keep reading about how McCain selected her over Mittens as a running mate in '08. It seems that his could be useful at some level to the Obama campaign.

    As for Eskimo Pies … I'm a Klondike bar man myself. You wouldn't believe the things of done for one of those.

  34. comrad_darkness

    Maybe I missed it because I've been busy (with actual work, yay) but can someone link me to Palin's dressing down of Coulter for using the R word?

  35. Yellerdawg

    I go to a gym where they keep Fox news up and running 24/7 on one of their two televisions (mounted too high to shut off, even if I'm the only one there.) Even with the sound off, I can tell when Palin comes on by the instinctive ear cringe feeling. That and the hair standing up on the back of my neck.

  36. SolitaireRose

    What in the flaming blue hell does "When hell freezes over" have to do with fucking native people? Really, I'm confused over here!

  37. miss_grundy

    The cartoon reminded me when I used to live in Chicago and walk my dogs. I had a Westie, a white dog, and a Scottie, a black dog, and it was almost a sociological study. Whites would approach me to pet my Westie and as an after-thought, pet the Scottie. African-Americans would pet the Scottie, then the Westie and one gentleman, who was African-American, asked me if they got along. I told him that I raised them as brothers, even though they each had different mothers. He got a kick out of that answer and called them ebony and ivory.

    The sad thing is, there are too many people who think like Sarah Palin.

  38. mickeymusing

    To be fair, Sarah Palin is at least as vile and ignorant as she is racist, so maybe she can only focus on one pathological character flaw at a time.

  39. iburl

    "When hell freezes over" would only be offensive to people from Hell.

    OK, I think I just figured out why Sarah Palin is so fucking evil.

  40. telecustom1972

    To the accusations of racism, Ms. Palin replied, "What, me racist? Why only a pickin-ninny would believe that. It's nothing but liberal mumbo jumbo. I can't wait to see what kind of Hoodoo the lame-stream media will pull next".

  41. Rosie_Scenario

    I thought that "Eskimo" was not to be used and should be replaced with "Inuit" as the preferred term. Something about Eskimo meaning "eaters of raw meat" and given to them by the white man, as opposed to what they called themselves. I recall this from reading, but wouldn't expect Sarah to know it even though she can see igloos from her house.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      I'm running around being the Indigenous police for Alaska but, there are different types of Eskimo in Alaska – we don't have a problem with the term, Greenlanders and most Canadians do. Only Norther Arctic Indigenous Peoples are Inuit or Inupiat.

      In Alaska, the farther you go down the coastline, the different kinds of Eskimo are found. The Nome region (Norton Sound or the Seward Penninsula) have Siberian Yup'ik and Yup'ik blends. The Yukon Kuskokwim is Yup'ik / Cup'ik country. Todd's region is Yup'ik heavily influenced by outsiders because of their rich fishing grounds and the trade and blood mixing that inevitably brought – hence his blue eyes and minimal Native features. The closer you get to the Aleutians, the Yup'ik brush up against the Aleuts, mixing Alutiiqs. Interior, Southcentral and Southeast are Athabascan, Dene, Eyak, Tlingit and Haida.

      The only nice thing I can ever think to say of dowdy Sarah is this, she used Native jewelry willy-nilly, regardless of matching or appropriateness of her attire.

  42. prommie

    "Hell freezes over" is racist against eskimos? What next, ice cubes? Mukluks? Jeebus fuck this woman has the brainpower of a gnat.

  43. glamourdammerung

    What a retard.

    For the record, there was nothing remotely offensive in my use of the term “retard” – a phrase which many people have used, including Ann Coulter and Republican Chairman Rush Limbaugh.

  44. Darklady

    I think Rebecca Mansour… er…. Sarah… just said that Alaska is hell. How else could a comment about it freezing over be offensive to Alaskans or natives?

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