Sarah Palin Will No Longer Be Racist As Soon As She Understands What Racism Is

by Jesse Taylor

what sarah palin thinks all racism is

Hey, so after Arctic griftbull Sarah Palin was balls-out racist yesterday, saying Blackrack Obama was committing a “shuck and jive” against white people, she took to Facebook to pen a response to her awful critics. Well, not “pen,” someone else wrote it for her. Someone white.

For the record, there was nothing remotely racist in my use of the phrase “shuck and jive” – a phrase which many people have used, including Chris Matthews, Andrew Cuomo, and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney to name a few off the top of my head. In fact, Andrew Cuomo also used the phrase in reference to Barack Obama, and the fact that Mr. Cuomo and I used the phrase in relation to President Obama signifies nothing out of the ordinary.

Actually, when Cuomo said “You can’t shuck and jive at a press conference. All those moves you can make with the press don’t work when you’re in someone’s living room,” it was racist. This has been your moment of blacksplanation.

Thankfully, though, Sarah Palin will take oppressive PC-ism to heart, and also refrain from saying other things, because her daughter is also part non-pure.

As she is part Yup’ik Eskimo, I’m not sure if this term would be deemed offensive when it’s directed at her or if it would be considered benign as in the case of Chris Matthews’ use of it in reference to Rachel Maddow. Just to be careful, from now on I’ll avoid using it with Piper, and I would appreciate it if the media refrained from using words and phrases like igloo, Eskimo Pie, and “when hell freezes over,” as they might be considered offensive by my extended Alaska Native family.

Hahaha, remember when we enslaved the Eskimo and then were like “when you culturally enslave and kill an Eskimo and then sandwich their corpse between their cultural artifacts, that’s an Eskimo Pie?”

Oh, I miss last Thursday.

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{ 215 comments }

nounverb911 October 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

Is Sarah old enough to be set adrift on an ice floe yet? (With votes).

thatsitfortheother1 October 25, 2012 at 10:38 am

Don't they usually stuff their mouths with something white, also too?

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

In her case, Todd…

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

Whoa! He's part Aleut unless Sarah's admitting that Piper was conceived with someone other than First Dude.

shelwood46 October 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

She does seem to be saying that Piper, unlike her other children, has that heritage.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 2:51 am

He's actually part Yup'ik.

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

Sounds like the beginning of a plausible climate change/global warming experiment…

comrad_darkness October 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

Her kids are old enough to care for themselves, so yes, she's just eating the caribou meant for them, that selfish old bittie.

Loch_Nessosaur October 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

Somebody must have fed her after midnight.

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

I don't think she's had a meal in months.

thatsitfortheother1 October 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

All sustenance arriving via her nose.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

Surely snorting meth is gauche?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:55 am

Not in the land 'o gauchin.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

…there is only one way to kill a Gremlin…with FIRE!!!

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

Or you could just not put gas in it and let it starve.

jcinco October 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

tundra tramp needs to go drink an ensure, wash her hair and go on another shopping trip to Hot Topic in the mall.

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

Yo, Frosty Fuckbucket. Still waiting to see your enraged missive to your Faux News compatriot Ann Coulter over his use of the "r" word. Any. fucking. day. now.

Texan_Bulldog October 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

I just tried to post something to that effect & it kept getting deleted. Jack Stuef definitely left his mark on Wonkette.

RomneysLogCabin October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Agreed. I tried 6 different ways to make a T-r-i-g reference, but I was denied.

I guess it's not fair to poke a stick at a defenseless lump b/c of Mom's stupidity.

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

When hell freezes over.

ph7 October 25, 2012 at 10:58 am

Until this happens, Jack Stueff can't return from his exile in Japan!

FakaktaSouth October 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

It's amazing how many things come up when one googles Ann Coulter, retarded

prommie October 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

Could you help me find precedent for the proposition that a sale with a finance contingency is still a "bona fide" sale, and further, this is important, that anyone who suggests otherwise is a fucking moron?

FakaktaSouth October 25, 2012 at 11:39 am

Precedent? Like, every single person who has ever financed anything instead of paying cash? And yes, fucking moron.
We're gonna get told to "get a boring regulations room" now you know.

prommie October 25, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I hate having to make the argument that "your point is false as evidenced by the fact that in the entirety of the law, there is nothing which establishes it as true." I am now writing "apparently no judge ever felt that the MVC's specious argument was worthy of the dignity of refuting it."

mavenmaven October 25, 2012 at 11:21 am

She won't dare say anything to Coulter, she'd kick her in the nads.

MegPasadena October 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Coulter is surly more manly than Lou Sarah.

jcinco October 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

bulimic barbie is scared shitless of anorexic annie…

Yellerdawg October 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

When hell freezes over
I won't die.
I'll sit in my igloo,
and eat Eskimo Pie.

Barbara_ October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

I don't know but I've been told….

thatsitfortheother1 October 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

Ask ya how things could get much worse
If Romney lets the Russians get up there first…

Yellerdawg October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Eskimo 'pie' is mighty cold!

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

See? See?? Both sides do it.

Of course not taking the Snowbilly Grifter seriously is the real offense.

AlterNewt October 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

Didn't she used to be somebody?

I didn't think so.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 10:42 am

I do have to wonder why the press keeps reporting on anything she says. Why would her uninformed opinions be of interest to anyone?

'Sides, the sooner she's ignored, the sooner she'll go away…

jcinco October 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

history has proven that not to be true.

widestanceromance October 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

She used to try to be somebody until everybody found out what a nobody she is.

LesBontemps October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Yogi Berra, is that you?

deanbooth October 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

It's time she used that one-way ticket to Palookaville.

"Ya shoulda looked out for me, Charlie [Gibson]."

Barbara_ October 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

My husband was leaving a business trip in Vegas last night and the whole airport got locked down so that President Obama could land in Air Force One. A good friend joked to me, "How uppity of him."

Classic.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

Dang, same thing happened to me once flying back in to SA, Cheney's arrival at San Antonio International resulted in my flight being in a holding pattern for over two hours and not landing till after 1AM. If I hadn't already hated that Dick before this incident, I sure would have afterwards.

MegPasadena October 25, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Got a phone call from my boyfriend Barry yesterday (actually a conference call).
He said he is on a 48 hr campaign extravaganza!

Beetagger October 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

It's a good thing there's no black people in Alaska, or they go upside her head. (Eskimo Pie… heh and yuck.)

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:38 am

She can have my Eskimo Pie when she pries it from my cold dead freezer.

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2012 at 12:17 pm

She's the only sitting Governor of Alaska that failed to issue a proclamation for a celebration commemorating the freeing of U.S. slaves. She only retroactively issued the proclamation prior to her resignation.

DerrickWildcat October 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

Racism is the least of her problems.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

I'll stop using Eskimo Pie when she stops her blubbering. This is a whale of a tale you're telling here, honey. I'm sure you thought your comment was just a totem pole dance to your fan base, but we all heard the dogwhistle like it was the start of the Idiotatard.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

…blubber comes whales…killer whales are native to the Bering Sea…the Bering Sea is located off the coast Alaska…Eskimos are native to Alaska…Eskimos live in Igloos…and Igloo is an offensive term! Congratulations, you are RACIST!!!

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:48 am

Igloo see what I did there, then?

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

…@Actor212: geez, you couldn't have fit a snow mobile or polar bear mention in there?!

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

I let this one sled past too easily, I admit, but my brain is mush

GunToting[Redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Snow MACHINE libel.

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Aaaah, this is boring, I'm just not inuit.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

Why do I have the feeling that the "schuck and jive" part of her posting was the only part she wrote?

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

…actually the original draft referenced the president "putting on a show like Fredrick Douglas in Black Face ", but her handlers figured it was a bit over the top!

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

So you're saying the rest was attributable to shmuck and jive?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Mush, Ms. Esquimaux pie.

hagajim October 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

Why does anyone still care about what this snowbilly idiot has to say. Sarah just needs to shuck Tawd's jive and be done with it.

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

One of these things is not like the other….

Monsieur_Grumpe October 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

Sarah Palin, the other white meathead.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

Oooooooooh, I'm so stealing borrowing that with full accreditation

jcinco October 25, 2012 at 5:05 pm

me too!

KeepFnThatChicken October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

It helps knowing she says words without knowing what they mean.

And by "helps" I mean "makes our day more pleasant through abrasive laughter at her"

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

…I was not aware that Hell was inhabited by Eskimos?!

Allmighty_Manos October 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

Isn't it way past time for Palin to to get pushed out to sea on an ice float?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

That's for mama polars, not mama grizzlies.

Estproph October 25, 2012 at 10:40 am

Wait – did Chris Matthews call Rachel Maddow an Eskimo Pie? I'm confused.

chicken_thief October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

I think he said he wanted to shuck her jive. But it was hard to tell 'cause the fucker slobbers so much when he gets going.

But then, what man doesn't wanna be the one to *convert* Rachel…

Major Thom October 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

Oyster libel! Clams, too.

FakaktaSouth October 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

"the fact that I…used the phrase in relation to President Obama signifies nothing out of the ordinary."

I mean what the hell people, I say things all the time that are ridiculous and offensive, moronic and untrue – like "my extended Alaska Native Family" – you don't think there are a BUNCH of pissed off Inuits now that I have claimed to have an association? They don't want my stank on them neither, but here I go, shucking and jiving anyway.

This bitch did this on purpose like Donald "why is no one looking at me, I need someone to look at me" Trump.

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Inuits are the Arctic, North Slope type Eskimo. The people whose blood quantum has trickled down to blue-eyed Todd are Yup'ik Eskimo. And yeah, we could do without his (and her) oft cited lineage.

Texan_Bulldog October 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

OMG that cartoon cracks me up. Does that make me a racist?

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:07 am

…nah, however if you ask the Black dog for its original "Long Form Birth Certificate" then you are racist!

chicken_thief October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

Not if you have at least one blah friend.

KeepFnThatChicken October 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

Just to be careful, from now on I’ll avoid using it with Piper, and I would appreciate it if the media refrained from using words and phrases like igloo, Eskimo Pie, and “when hell freezes over,” as they might be considered offensive by my extended Alaska Native family.

And here's why you aren't presidential.

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

But, but… she carries herself with such gravitas!

FakaktaSouth October 25, 2012 at 10:52 am

Her big defense was that she said she tells Piper to stop shucking and jiving when doing her homework? This leads me to believe that perhaps she really does NOT understand the term or that she is fucking lying and came up with that excuse also "off the top of her head." She's lying, isn't she? Using her kids in a big old lie after she said something racist. She is a great mom.

Cleopatriot October 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

So is Piper her only child with Inuit ancestry?

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

Once again, Sarah has proved that we dodged a HUGE bullet 4 years ago…

Thankfully, she is only spouting nonsense on the TV and on her own FB page rather than spouting nonsense at some foreign policy dinner or causing an international incident or perhaps starting some new war somewhere just by wearing her naughty monkey pumps in some Middle Eastern country.

Radiotherapy October 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

"Off the top of her head"??!?
Like when she couldn't name a single thing she reads or a SCOTUS case "Off the top of her head"?
Go back to eating yellow snow you world class cunt.

KeepFnThatChicken October 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

GUILLOTINE LIBEL!!

Disassembly October 25, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Yeah, I'm calling bullshitter on that one too.

Indiepalin October 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

Piper! That's me!

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 10:42 am

Why is Piper the only one with native Alaskan heritage? Hmmmmm? Inquiring minds wan…oh, no we the fuck don't

fawkedifiknow October 25, 2012 at 10:42 am

You mean I can never say "Swedish Meat Balls" or "American Pie" or "Hawaiian Fruit Punch" or "Wisconsin Cheese" etc etc, because that's racist?

I'm sure "Baked Alaskan" would really piss the snowbilly off.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

Yeah, she thinks ganja is evil.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 11:21 am

More of a "Half-baked Alaskan"…

chicken_thief October 25, 2012 at 11:26 am

Baked Alaskan in Wasilla is Tawd and the boys on Friday nights.

boobookitteh October 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

You can't say 'igloo'! That's our word!

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:47 am

I'm taking it back! I've had that cooler forever.

Wadisay October 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

…to name a few off the top of my head…

…which is only a molecule or two away from the bottom of her head.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

Why don't you libs try walking a day in Piper's snowshoes!

Wadisay October 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

Is the Overlord's proscription against the use of the "R" word still in effect?

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:00 am

Skip one post and see Trannysurprise below. I guess not…

Radiotherapy October 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

This comment has been deleted by the administrator.

jcinco October 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm

not if tranny annie says it and trannygranny doesn't hear it with her own cosmetically altered ears.

Incitefully_Joe October 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

I can't wait until Lou Sarah or somebody has to explain how when they called the President a ni**er, they didn't mean it in an offensive way, and honestly how is that word really be offensive any way, after all, those rap guys say it all the time in their songs, so stop being so oversensitive.

Any day now.

Trannysurprise October 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

What a retard.

Nothingisamiss October 25, 2012 at 11:54 am

ftw

BornInATrailer October 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

Does this mean I should cancel my plans to go to the office Halloween party in Eskimo face?

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 10:49 am

It means you can't even wear an anorak!

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

What about mukluks?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:50 am

Better than no luck at all.

coolhandnuke October 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

She makes feel all harpoony inside.

1stNewtontheMoon October 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

Yeah, 20-something years ago Sarah fucked Glen Rice!!!11! Nevar Forgett!! It's mathematically impossible for her to do/say racist stuff.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

It does, however, call into question Glen Rice's sanity/good taste…

Incitefully_Joe October 25, 2012 at 10:54 am

It's true! You know what they say:

Once you go black,
You get a complete free pass to say stuff that would otherwise be construed as racist forever.

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

That's our Sarah… always thinking of her children. Such a self-less woman…

Studebaker Hawk October 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

She's right about "Hell Freezes Over." I fucking hate the Eagles, man.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Get your own damn cab!

FNMA October 25, 2012 at 11:02 am

Dude, abide.

Radiotherapy October 25, 2012 at 11:13 am

DANTE LIBEL!

MissNancyPriss October 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

Sometimes I wonder what "these people" think racism IS?

SayItWithWookies October 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

Actually the Eskimo (or the Inuit and Dene, among other groups in the Arctic) were treated horribly by whites when they ran into each other — their land was exploited, their food was hunted to the point where they were starving for lack of it when hundreds of whaling ships entered the Arctic after depleting stocks in the Atlantic and Pacific; their traditions, artifacts and culture were watered down and dissipated for monetary gain and they were belittled and shoved around at the slightest whims of the whites there.

So it's really truly refreshing for Sarah to be aware of her daughter's heritage and make use of it to — um — justify using another exploitative and racist term. Really fucking refreshing.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:11 am

…well Mitten Father was Mexican so that means he can deport as many Mexicans as he pleases!!!

Sue4466 October 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

Gosh, if only that was what she was really doing!

Goonemeritus October 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

As I am part of the Human Race I find virtually any words emanating from Ms. Palin’s mouth offensive. I would greatly appreciate her corporation in rectifying this matter.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:52 am

She certainly deserves a rectum-fire.

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Talk about providing aid and comfort to our enemies…

HRH_Maddie October 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

"Eskimo Pie" is *OUR* word!! Only we can say it to each other.

Chet Kincaid_ October 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

I will no longer accuse Sarah Palin of tossing word salad, as this insults vegetarians and prison bitches.

coolhandnuke October 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

Lou Reed: Last Great American whale

They say he didn't have an enemy
his was a greatness to behold
He was the last surviving progeny
the last one on this side of the world

He measured a half mile from tip to tail
silver and black with powerful fins
They say he could split a mountain in two
that's how we got the Grand Canyon

Some say they saw him at the Great Lakes
some say they saw him off of Florida
My mother said she saw him in Chinatown
but you can't always trust your mother

Off the Carolinas the sun shines brightly in the day
the lighthouse glows ghostly there at night
The chief of a local tribe had killed a racist mayor's son
and he'd been on death row since 1958

The mayor's kid was a rowdy pig
spit on Indians and lots worse
The old chief buried a hatchet in his head
life compared to death for him seemed worse

The tribal brothers gathered in the lighthouse to sing
and tried to conjure up a storm or rain
The harbor parted, the great whale sprang full up
and caused a hugh tidal wave

The wave crushed the jail and freed the chief
the tribe let out a roar
The whites were drowned, the browns and reds set free
but sadly one thing more

Some local yokel member of the NRA
kept a bazooka in his living room
And thinking he had the chief in his sight
blew the whale's brains out with a lead harpoon

Well Americans don't care for much of anything
land and water the least
And animal life is low on the totem pole
with human life not worth more than infected yeast

Americans don't care too much for beauty
they'll shit in a river, dump battery acid in a stream
They'll watch dead rats wash up on the beach
and complain if they can't swim

They say things are done for the majority
don't believe half of what you see and none of what you hear
It's like what my painter friend Donald said to me
"Stick a fork in their ass and turn them over, they're done"

Radiotherapy October 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

Bigger is better, biggest is best.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:58 am

I sure miss ol' Bill.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 10:54 am

…WTF is wrong with this idiot?!

"As she is part Yup’ik Eskimo, I’m not sure if this term would be deemed offensive when it’s directed at her or if it would be considered benign as in the case of Chris Matthews’ use of it in reference to Rachel Maddow. Just to be careful, from now on I’ll avoid using it with Piper, and I would appreciate it if the media refrained from using words and phrases like igloo, Eskimo Pie, and “when hell freezes over,” as they might be considered offensive by my extended Alaska Native family."

Moving forward the uses of the following words have been deemed racist by the Angry Blakk People Council:

-Blackened Chicken
-Black hole
-Rumble in the Jungle
-People of color

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Don't be niggardly. You can be much more generous in your criticism of language.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:43 am

….well look at the pot calling the kettle black!

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 2:57 am

Does anyone remember the original The Apprentice when someone said that to Omarosa and she lost her goddamned mind because she thought it was racist? lol

Darklady October 27, 2012 at 3:48 pm

They were just calling a spade a spade…

weejee October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Well that about does it for the Stone's Paint it Black!!

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:45 am

…I think "Paint it Magenta" has a much more PC sound to it

Yellerdawg October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

This puts me in a dark mood.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

…when I am depressed I like to get Blackout drunk!

proudgrampa October 25, 2012 at 10:55 am

That stupid woman.

chicken_thief October 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

Bless her heart.

proudgrampa October 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

Totally OT: How about those SF Giants, huh?

ElPinche October 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

Next. That's enough Palin for this month.

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

Well, I'm glad we've got that cleared up, Miss……Miss…….sorry, what's your name?

Schmannnity October 25, 2012 at 11:00 am

Palin thought shuck and jive meant Glen rice's removal of a condom followed by chit chat.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

We have a winner, folks!

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:02 am

I'm betting his shuck and jive was less insulting that trying to chew his arm off to get away

An_Outhouse October 25, 2012 at 11:00 am

I look forward to “when hell freezes over". I love eating Eskimo Pies in my igloo.

Chet Kincaid_ October 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Nobody who uses the term "shuckin' and jivin'" even knows what the fuck it means, it's just the first thing that comes to mind to insult a black person with that they remember from some old episode of a Norman Lear sitcom or "Airplane." No black person has used the word "jive" in everyday conversation since Reagan was sworn in, I can assure you.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

Are you jivin' me, man?

BornInATrailer October 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

Say what!? Chet, you jive talkin' turkey.

(Sorry, I was watching episodes of Sanford & Son last night.)

Not_Mother October 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

It ain't cool being no jive turkey so close to Thankgiving

Terry October 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

Unless they are singing along to the Bee Gees.

Negropolis October 26, 2012 at 2:59 am

…which means that no black person since Reagan has uttered the word.

Native_of_SL_UT October 25, 2012 at 11:02 am

So does this mean it's OK to call her kid a retard, cause after all, Ann Coulter said it so it must be acceptable now.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:08 am

Well, the language evolves. Used to be you couldn't use the word "ain't" without getting castigated.

Yellerdawg October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

Man, I've used 'ain't' all my life and there ain't nobody that ever threatened to cut my nuts off for it.

1stNewtontheMoon October 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

I didn't think I could be surprised by the level of stupidity that is spewed from this woman's orifices. However, the hell freezes over thing doesn't even make sense even in an "otherwise ignoring the blatant cognitive dissonance" way that can sometimes be used to interpret Palinese. I'm pretty sure that phrase was around before Alaska was a state (and probably even before white people killed indigenous peoples of the Americas en masse).

"Hey, you're talking about hot places becoming improbably cold, cold's our thing, goddamn it!"

ChillBill October 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

For the 127th time, please go away already, you unredeemable twat.

poorgradstudent October 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

That Sarah Palin is a jive-ass motherfucker.

arduinohacker October 25, 2012 at 11:07 am

It's pretty clear she didn't write that response. The sentences are mostly grammatical. It's a little bit of a lie, as it's doubtful that she knew who has used that term "off the top of her head". What a moron. She can't write, or get a plausiblly-styled ghostwriter.

DemmeFatale October 25, 2012 at 11:08 am

STFU!
We know how you meant it!

It's all I can do to not use the "c-word." Lizzy! (It's so cute when you say it!)

deanbooth October 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

Sarah has 27 words for ni**er.

GregComlish October 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

Hmmmm … Interesting how she choose to emphasize her daughter's 3/16ths Innuit heritage rather than her husband's full 3/8ths. Guess Todd's back to banging that Wasilla massage hooker. And why is she now pimping Piper instead of Bristol? A tacit admission that the Bristol's reality TV stardom has already burned out.

Native_of_SL_UT October 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

I thought it was an admission that Bristol and Truck (or whatever the fuck his name his) weren't Todd's kids.

Terry October 25, 2012 at 11:11 am

"Hahaha, remember when we enslaved the Eskimo…"

Well, actually, in the south central region of Alaska (around Prince William Sound and adjacent areas) and out on the Aleutian Islands, the Russians did pretty much enslave the Native people. They took the women and children captive and made the men bring in furs to pay for the just awesome care the Russians were giving their families and give the Russians massive profits, of course. The Aleutiiq people of south-central AK did rise up and kill a bunch of Russians and break the system, to a degree. The Russians and the Americans who followed instituted a script system where the Native men would trade the furs they brought in for script that could be used only in the company store (some mining companies in the Appalachians and Alleganies did this too). The script system collapsed when the price of furs plummeted and there was no way that the hunters could bring in enough firs to pay the debts their families accumulated during the year.

Incitefully_Joe October 25, 2012 at 11:11 am

Wait guys, I just realized that Sarah Palin was being facetious, and she actually was just saying that no words should ever be presumed to have some loaded intended connotation, even when even conjuring them up in the first place involves a huge stretch of context because those words don't actually fit naturally into the converation and also the words themselves have an explicitly racial root.

Which is why, presumably Sarah Palin endorses the idea that words like out-rigger, the mathematical concept describing the way that angles and sides of triangles are related to each other, and the firing mechanisms of weapons be removed from our moderation filter, because the subtextual meanings of words are never offensive.

second_gen October 25, 2012 at 11:13 am

So, only Piper is part Yup’ik Eskimo? Sounds like she's got some 'splaining to do to Todd.

Sue4466 October 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

Still waiting for Palin to go off on Ann Coulter for calling Obama a retard. Just like she did to Rahm Emanuel.

Waiting, but not holding my breath.

Incitefully_Joe October 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

"Also too, how come there's not a WHITE history month?"

iburl October 25, 2012 at 12:06 pm

That "White" comment is offensive to snowbillies.

Dr. Matt October 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

OSarah bin Palin sits in a glass case that reads, "break glass in case of something stupid needs to be said".

RomneysLogCabin October 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

I think the newest Palin child would have more political insight than Mommy, or should I say Grandma?

bfddad October 25, 2012 at 11:17 am

Wait, the word "igloo" is offensive? When did that happen? Or is it like slang for "projects?" I am confused.

barto October 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

The list of things that Sarah needs to understand is endless. But yes, racism is definitely one of them, yup yup yup!

mavenmaven October 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

"Hell freezing over" is racist against Scandinavians. Especially if one uses the V word (for Valhalla)

BornInATrailer October 25, 2012 at 11:24 am

We don't run around in little horned helmets all day either, you fucking racists. Stupid mascots.

Indiepalin October 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

In Eskimo, there are 90,000 different words for "Palin"

poorgradstudent October 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

And even weirder they're all synonymous with words for "hypocritical moron."

DahBoner October 25, 2012 at 1:56 pm

But most are just variations of "dogshit"…

wapitiscat October 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

I agree that Sarah should be ignored but I keep reading about how McCain selected her over Mittens as a running mate in '08. It seems that his could be useful at some level to the Obama campaign.

As for Eskimo Pies … I'm a Klondike bar man myself. You wouldn't believe the things of done for one of those.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

FatBoy ice-cream sammiches, dude!

comrad_darkness October 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Maybe I missed it because I've been busy (with actual work, yay) but can someone link me to Palin's dressing down of Coulter for using the R word?

jcinco October 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

It's still in the drawing board stage.

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

Klondike Bar! or will that insult stone cold lesbians?

chicken_thief October 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

Piper?! We're done with Brizdul now?!!!

Chet Kincaid_ October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

She could at least have caught up to the '80s and accused him of stylin', profilin' and frontin' (pronounced "frunh-in").

Yellerdawg October 25, 2012 at 11:34 am

I go to a gym where they keep Fox news up and running 24/7 on one of their two televisions (mounted too high to shut off, even if I'm the only one there.) Even with the sound off, I can tell when Palin comes on by the instinctive ear cringe feeling. That and the hair standing up on the back of my neck.

SolitaireRose October 25, 2012 at 11:34 am

What in the flaming blue hell does "When hell freezes over" have to do with fucking native people? Really, I'm confused over here!

gurukalehuru October 25, 2012 at 11:36 am

mmmmmm….Eskimo Pie

Chet Kincaid_ October 25, 2012 at 11:38 am

Silly bitch! Obama hung up his zoot suit and quit The Time in 1986! Morris Day is the last known Negro to "shuck and jive."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xBqK0Tj70s&fe
Squawk!! Hallelujah!
EDIT: I forgot to mention the outstanding minstrelsy of Herman Cain, who has brought shucky-ducky jivin' into the 21st century.

calliecallie October 25, 2012 at 11:40 am

Vegans, also.

AutomaticPilot October 25, 2012 at 11:40 am

How about when she said, "So Sambo beat the bitch." Was that not racist, either?

miss_grundy October 25, 2012 at 11:47 am

The cartoon reminded me when I used to live in Chicago and walk my dogs. I had a Westie, a white dog, and a Scottie, a black dog, and it was almost a sociological study. Whites would approach me to pet my Westie and as an after-thought, pet the Scottie. African-Americans would pet the Scottie, then the Westie and one gentleman, who was African-American, asked me if they got along. I told him that I raised them as brothers, even though they each had different mothers. He got a kick out of that answer and called them ebony and ivory.

The sad thing is, there are too many people who think like Sarah Palin.

mickeymusing October 25, 2012 at 11:57 am

To be fair, Sarah Palin is at least as vile and ignorant as she is racist, so maybe she can only focus on one pathological character flaw at a time.

CindynEncinitas October 25, 2012 at 12:57 pm

So her body dysmorphia is in remission?

jcinco October 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

too bad, she needs to lose another 10-15 lbs to achieve that svelte look she hungers for.

iburl October 25, 2012 at 12:02 pm

"When hell freezes over" would only be offensive to people from Hell.

OK, I think I just figured out why Sarah Palin is so fucking evil.

telecustom1972 October 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm

To the accusations of racism, Ms. Palin replied, "What, me racist? Why only a pickin-ninny would believe that. It's nothing but liberal mumbo jumbo. I can't wait to see what kind of Hoodoo the lame-stream media will pull next".

Rosie_Scenario October 25, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I thought that "Eskimo" was not to be used and should be replaced with "Inuit" as the preferred term. Something about Eskimo meaning "eaters of raw meat" and given to them by the white man, as opposed to what they called themselves. I recall this from reading, but wouldn't expect Sarah to know it even though she can see igloos from her house.

NorthStarSpanx October 25, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I'm running around being the Indigenous police for Alaska but, there are different types of Eskimo in Alaska – we don't have a problem with the term, Greenlanders and most Canadians do. Only Norther Arctic Indigenous Peoples are Inuit or Inupiat.

In Alaska, the farther you go down the coastline, the different kinds of Eskimo are found. The Nome region (Norton Sound or the Seward Penninsula) have Siberian Yup'ik and Yup'ik blends. The Yukon Kuskokwim is Yup'ik / Cup'ik country. Todd's region is Yup'ik heavily influenced by outsiders because of their rich fishing grounds and the trade and blood mixing that inevitably brought – hence his blue eyes and minimal Native features. The closer you get to the Aleutians, the Yup'ik brush up against the Aleuts, mixing Alutiiqs. Interior, Southcentral and Southeast are Athabascan, Dene, Eyak, Tlingit and Haida.

The only nice thing I can ever think to say of dowdy Sarah is this, she used Native jewelry willy-nilly, regardless of matching or appropriateness of her attire.

iburl October 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Now she's calling Jimmy Carter black just because he's from Atlanta?

prommie October 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

"Hell freezes over" is racist against eskimos? What next, ice cubes? Mukluks? Jeebus fuck this woman has the brainpower of a gnat.

CindynEncinitas October 25, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I've had sinus infections that were smarter than her.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:31 pm

So now we know who buys tampon earrings.

Generation[redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Republicans have much to teach us. I never knew there were so many racial slurs!

DahBoner October 25, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I'm guessing the Yup'ik love it when you inquire as to the location of their pies…

LakeLucilleLoon October 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Does this mean rubbing noses is out as well?

glamourdammerung October 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm

What a retard.

For the record, there was nothing remotely offensive in my use of the term “retard” – a phrase which many people have used, including Ann Coulter and Republican Chairman Rush Limbaugh.

Nostrildamus October 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Disassembly October 25, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Honestly, I found the part about Eskimos to be pretty funny. Please don't tell Obama on me.

Dashboard Buddha October 25, 2012 at 6:48 pm

"I can't be racist…I'm part Eskimo".

Well, you are racist and full blown insane.

Darklady October 27, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I think Rebecca Mansour… er…. Sarah… just said that Alaska is hell. How else could a comment about it freezing over be offensive to Alaskans or natives?

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

…is it true that you are a little on the HUSKY side with a SNOW white complexion?

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

That's totemly untrue and frostbite me if you think that. I'm just a baleen dude who happens to be white.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:41 am

…well that is grizzly thought, do you at least drive a Toyota Tundra or GMC Yukon?

Jus_Wonderin October 25, 2012 at 11:53 am

Old times there are not forgauchin, look away, look away……..

BerkeleyBear October 25, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Grifterland.

BerkeleyBear October 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Those are the worst – arguments so stupid/off base they leave you having to either fix them to bring them into line with convention to then trash them or nothing on point to counter with.

My favorite was the guy who said since 1 percent was nominal and he was sure his untested technology was worth billions of dollars the "nominal damages" he had been limited to by the judge could still be in the tens of millions. You can't unread that.

prommie October 25, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Holy fuck. I have seen such dumbass out of context shit win, though. Dumb fuck judges are a real thing, too.

prommie October 25, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Hell, Scalia's opinion supporting Bush's stay of the Florida recount, saying Bush would suffer irreperable harm if, duh, he lost the recount, that was just as fucking stupid stupid stupid. Scalia knew it too, blatant shameless corruption on display there.

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