Faux Nooz

Megyn Kelly Simply Does Not Care For Those Black Helicopters Coming To Spy On Our Elections

Oh, Megyn Kelly! Don’t ever change, OK? Here is Megyn Kelly on Fox “News,” informing us that there may be an “extra set of eyes” on election day and those eyes may belong to the United Nations. Note the contempt with which she says “United Nations,” by the way, she might as well have been saying “the Muslim Brotherhood.” So anyway, yes! There MAY be an extra set of eyes! And they MAY belong to the United Nations! (They will probably belong to Jimmy Carter.) This is because “left-leaning civil rights groups,” aided by the Democrats, have called for U.N. election monitors because they SAY there are efforts to suppress the minority vote. Then she has a lady from True the Vote (which has been attempting to suppress the minority vote) offer the opinion that it’s “breathtaking,” the hypocrisy we’re seeing, just breathtaking, that they have gone to an INTERNATIONAL BODY that contains countries who have voter IDs! Can you believe that?

Of course, the U.N. will not be monitoring our elections; the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, which is not the U.N., will be coming to observe our elections. All members of this organization have signed an agreement called the 1990 Copenhagen Document, and are bound as a result to accept delegations to observe their elections. If the U.S. bans the OSCE from observing our elections, other countries will have grounds to ban the U.S. and other member states from observing THEIR elections. So. Yeah. Those are the “facts,” not that they probably matter to Megyn Kelly, or to True the Vote.


About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

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    1. chicken_thief

      But if they last for more than 4 hrs, go see the doc. Oh, wait…. ee-LEC-tions…. never mind…..

  1. mavenmaven

    Put a picture of that scary blonde skinhead kid up again to remind everyone why observers are a good idea.

  2. DrunkIrishman

    A friend and I skipped high school a few years back and decided to drive around teh city smokin' up. We went into an area of teh city called teh Avenues, which is on a hill, so, slopes up, and as we were drivin', saw one of those black helicopters everyone loves to talk 'bout. It literally popped out of nowhere, danced around a bit, and then vanished behind a hill. We went to look for it, drivin' all fast and all, you know, after shitting ourselves, but it was like the fucker just disappeared into the ground. Tripped us the fuck out.

    Of course, we were higher than Snoop on a Tuesday – but we both saw it!

    1. GhostBuggy

      And that young DrunkIrishman's name, way back then as lad, was Ray Liotta.

      And now you know…the rest of the story.

  3. Terry

    I have a theory about the female news people on Fox. I think all the glue they use to apply those false eyelashes has somehow affected their brains. The male news people have brain issues, as well, but I have no theory as to the cause. Maybe their mommas dropped them on their heads when they were infants.

    1. PsycWench

      I have always thought the solvent in hair spray may cause brain damage, or perhaps the supply at Fox is laced with mild hallucinogens that cause paranoia.

  4. FNMA

    Megyn, little advice. When the voices in your head tell you set fires or cut yourself or go on the TV and say stupid shit, try to ignore them, OK?

  5. comrad_darkness

    I think Fox's truism about the police applies here: if you aren't doing anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about, right?

  6. freakishlywrong

    Man, that Hans von Spakovsky dude is NSFW. Why do all these evil wingers have such Teutonic names, I wonder?

      1. BadKitty904

        The Archduke Sigismund Otto Maria Josef Gottfried Henrich Erik Leopold Ferdinand von Habsburg-Lothringen?

  7. Goonemeritus

    What kind of communist is Obama anyway, Stalin and Castro never had any problem running for another term.

    1. doloras

      Stalin once got 147% of the vote in an election. Apparently all the voters from other districts came into his just for the privilege of voting for him.

  8. hagajim

    So now OSCE is the UN? Jeebus, Faux is breathtaking in their ability to make up complete bullshit. I guess that's how they keep replenishing "Bullshit Mountain" as John Stewart so accurately calls it.

  9. asterixaverni

    I wish there was an a UN monitor in many districts here in the US – it is quite obviously needed.

  10. Schmannnity

    Instead of dipping their fingers in purple ink, Fox News reporters should be obliged to dip their noses in brown ink after voting.

  11. MacRaith

    But the members of the OSCE are also members of the UN. So there.

    As is the United States. Therefore everything that is done by the US government is actually done by the UN. Except when Republicans are in charge, because that's different, and they hate the UN because of freedom, and LOOK! ACORN!

    Jeez, do I have to keep spelling it out for you people?

  12. Loch_Nessosaur

    Way to go Baggerz, nothing says 3rd world country like having international observers observing your elections. Job. Well. Done.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      They used to be here just to show a good example for the other countries. Threatening to arrest them if they watch? Now THAT's 3rd world done right!

  13. kyeshinka

    We went to an international body because we trust some Dyadya Fedya from Smolensk on his last fifth of Istok vodka to monitor voting more than we trust the local Ohio GOPers?

    Yes, we do. That's how much we think of you people. And you fuckers can't live with that!

    1. snowpointsecret

      Living in Ohio (specifically stuck in John Boehner's district for just a little while longer), I can't agree with this assessment any more.

      1. kyeshinka

        My state has Steve King. At least with Boehner you don't quite have that urge to slam an empty bottle of Jack upside his head.

  14. noodlesalad

    We invented Democracy, WORLD, and everyone knows if you invent something you will be right about it forever. Just ask Eastman Kodak or Atari.

  15. snowpointsecret

    List of things Megyn Kelly hates

    1. Barack Obama
    2. Other women
    3. Barack Obama
    4. Europe
    5. Barack Obama
    6. the UN
    7. Barack Obama

    Am I missing anything?

      1. snowpointsecret

        Technically, the far western part is in Europe geographically speaking, so it's in both. (Also a geography nerd, I'm glad someone here would understand my references)

      1. ph7

        I once met Megyn in a bar. After some drinks, i took her back to my hotel room. and into my bed. As we started fucking, she started to cry.

        I asked Megyn – what's the matter? are you going to hate yourself in the morning?

        She replied – I hate myself now!

        /thanks to R.D.

    1. AncienReggie

      Mensa. She hates Mensa. Also upset about the MacArthur prize people, who just giggle and hang up when she calls.

  16. freakishlywrong

    They monitor our elections over here so we can monitor their elections over there. Get it, hysterical, panty wetting wingtards?

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    "the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, which is not the U.N., will be coming to observe our elections."

    They want to see democracy in action!!!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Story of her life. But since those are both clauses in her contract, as a paid female talker on FOX News, she's doing alright, I guess.

      Also, hatefuck, too.

  18. Buzz Feedback

    I'm unna reverse the polarity on my tinfoil hat so it's harder for the Blah Helicopters to track me.

  19. Not_So_Much

    Does she remove that skin sack at the end of the day when she returns to the hive of the Lizzerd People?

  20. AngryBlakGuy

    …I love the disclaimer at the end where she says "Monitor and observe means to look", she basically just admitted to being a right wing hatchet man! I truly look forward to the day that her sex tape is leaked and the only words I hear on that tape are "yes, daddy give it to me harder" and "I love your huge BLACK c@ck!!!"

  21. Incitefully_Joe

    So, just to be clear, this is all just pre-emptive outrage for when the OSCE reports that this year's US American election shenanigans and/or tampering put those in Russia, Venezuela, and/or Iran to shame, right?

  22. gullywompr

    The only "observers" True the Vote (i.e., white panthers) wants in the polling places are their own, obvs.

  23. actor212

    See, here's the problem:

    When conservatives "observe elections," they tend to riot in their Brooks Brothers suits. It's understandable that Meager Kelly is confused.

  24. dradambomb

    LOL what if Megyn knew Kazakhstan and Ukraine were part of the USSR! She would have to tell Romney about the threat!
    Did they cover that kid in Harrisonburg, Va. throwing democrat registrations in the garbage on FOX?

  25. Stevola

    People started worrying about black helicopters around the same time Fox "News" started using black helicopters. Coincidence, I'm sure.

  26. neiltheblaze

    Please. After the 2000 election and the theft of Ohio in 2004, I want the UN to monitor all US elections. Republicans can't be trusted.

  27. BaldarTFlagass

    Megyn Kelly Simply Does Not Care For Those Black Helicopters Voters and Candidates Spy On Participating In Our Elections.


  28. Biff

    Oh for fuck's sake. One of our homegrown local whackaloons sat outside the polling place on opening day of early voting here in the heart of tinfoil hat territory NV, inking a stick figure on a piece of paper every time a voter left the building. Another local whackaloon accused him of being a UN plant. I really expected the UN to have greater tech than that, and also to have issued the "observer" a blue helmet rather than the tinfoil hat.

  29. Chichikovovich

    The True the Vote people are right to be upset. Everybody knows that the best way to ensure a free and fair election is to make sure that nobody can see what happens.

  30. cc423

    Megyn Kelly is such a hack. She better hope she never gets booted from FOX, because no legitimate news organization on earth would touch her.





  32. ttommyunger

    Plan on fapping in a few, so can't watch Megs. Peen is totally dead for a day or two if I see ten seconds of her. Total soft-on.

  33. sullivanst

    Let's also at some point maybe mention that the OSCE observed the 2010 election. And the 2008 election. And the 2006 election. And the elections in 2002 and 2004.

    Why did W hate Amurrkkka so?

  34. Jimmyone

    Here in the Square State we are used to the blah choppers…looking for weed…and training for war…we, on the western slope also have to live with a green and yellow Bell hauling the likes of Billy Bob Koch…oy…I need a toke…

  35. glamourdammerung

    Since Texas would be violating an international agreement that we have if they interfere, I wonder if terrorism charges are appropriate. Especially since the Republicans were good enough to block closing down Gitmo.

  36. Dashboard Buddha

    You know, freakishlywrong, got it right. The dude looks fucking evil. He reminds me of Mr. Zorg from the 5th Element. At least Gary Oldman had to go through the whole make-up artist treatment to look so creepy. That face is the face that fucker shaves every morning…without any help whatsoever.

  37. e_z

    24,000 absentee ballots in Palm Beach Florida, that can not be read by machine. So they will be carefully re-marked onto fresh ballots.

    No need for outside observers folks, move along…

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