Faux Nooz

Megyn Kelly Simply Does Not Care For Those Black Helicopters Coming To Spy On Our Elections


Oh, Megyn Kelly! Don’t ever change, OK? Here is Megyn Kelly on Fox “News,” informing us that there may be an “extra set of eyes” on election day and those eyes may belong to the United Nations. Note the contempt with which she says “United Nations,” by the way, she might as well have been saying “the Muslim Brotherhood.” So anyway, yes! There MAY be an extra set of eyes! And they MAY belong to the United Nations! (They will probably belong to Jimmy Carter.) This is because “left-leaning civil rights groups,” aided by the Democrats, have called for U.N. election monitors because they SAY there are efforts to suppress the minority vote. Then she has a lady from True the Vote (which has been attempting to suppress the minority vote) offer the opinion that it’s “breathtaking,” the hypocrisy we’re seeing, just breathtaking, that they have gone to an INTERNATIONAL BODY that contains countries who have voter IDs! Can you believe that?

Of course, the U.N. will not be monitoring our elections; the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, which is not the U.N., will be coming to observe our elections. All members of this organization have signed an agreement called the 1990 Copenhagen Document, and are bound as a result to accept delegations to observe their elections. If the U.S. bans the OSCE from observing our elections, other countries will have grounds to ban the U.S. and other member states from observing THEIR elections. So. Yeah. Those are the “facts,” not that they probably matter to Megyn Kelly, or to True the Vote.

[ThinkProgress]

About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

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  • nounverb911

    But it's still okay for Bain to own the voting booth companies in Ohio?

    • Loch_Nessosaur

      Democratic vote goes in, Republican vote comes out. You can't explain it.

    • eggsacklywright

      The fix is in.

    • Esteev

      So you don't like capitalism now, huh?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        If only I could sell my vote…

        • Esteev

          It probably won't count anyway.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Your vote has already been bundled, securitized and sold on the OTC market.

  • freakishlywrong

    The Banana Republicans are out to ruin our institutions. Voting is just one of their targets.

    • Yellerdawg

      I've heard they're hiding their money in the Tommy Bahama's.

  • CalvinsChoice

    Elections. Nobody knows how they work.

    • Terry

      A series of tubes, I hear.

      • nounverb911

        Just ask Al Gore.

        • BadKitty904

          Or Katherine Harris!

    • Estproph

      They're like fuckin magnets, man.

      • WhatTheHeck

        Oh, I get it now. They are so polarized that they will never come together.

    • chicken_thief

      But if they last for more than 4 hrs, go see the doc. Oh, wait…. ee-LEC-tions…. never mind…..

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Mike Connell, Karl Rove's IT guru knew how they worked, unfortunately for him and his family.

    • Esteev

      Depends on who you want to win.

  • mavenmaven

    Put a picture of that scary blonde skinhead kid up again to remind everyone why observers are a good idea.

    • James Michael Curley

      I like how Colbert compared him to the albino monk in The DaVinci Code.

  • elviouslyqueer

    What is this, Shrieking Racist Harpy Day on Wonkette?

    • freakishlywrong

      Why..yes, elviously. ☺

    • eggsacklywright

      Orly is missing in action.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      Today, and everyday.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      PAM GELLER LIBEL!

    • Biff

      Yes, or as I like to call it, Thursday.

  • DrunkIrishman

    A friend and I skipped high school a few years back and decided to drive around teh city smokin' up. We went into an area of teh city called teh Avenues, which is on a hill, so, slopes up, and as we were drivin', saw one of those black helicopters everyone loves to talk 'bout. It literally popped out of nowhere, danced around a bit, and then vanished behind a hill. We went to look for it, drivin' all fast and all, you know, after shitting ourselves, but it was like the fucker just disappeared into the ground. Tripped us the fuck out.

    Of course, we were higher than Snoop on a Tuesday – but we both saw it!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That's some heavy shit you had.

      You holding?

    • GhostBuggy

      And that young DrunkIrishman's name, way back then as lad, was Ray Liotta.

      And now you know…the rest of the story.

    • barto

      Didja tell Megyna?

  • Terry

    I have a theory about the female news people on Fox. I think all the glue they use to apply those false eyelashes has somehow affected their brains. The male news people have brain issues, as well, but I have no theory as to the cause. Maybe their mommas dropped them on their heads when they were infants.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Or took too much Oxycontin™ and meth while carrying them as little fetustards.

    • PsycWench

      I have always thought the solvent in hair spray may cause brain damage, or perhaps the supply at Fox is laced with mild hallucinogens that cause paranoia.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Maybe they do the butterfly kisses?

  • LibertyLover

    Facts (and libtards) have such a liberal bias….

  • FNMA

    Megyn, little advice. When the voices in your head tell you set fires or cut yourself or go on the TV and say stupid shit, try to ignore them, OK?

    • Goonemeritus

      She should not ignore all of that advice.

    • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

      Or not–could boost ratings.

  • comrad_darkness

    I think Fox's truism about the police applies here: if you aren't doing anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about, right?

    • Redgyal

      Bingo!

  • freakishlywrong

    Man, that Hans von Spakovsky dude is NSFW. Why do all these evil wingers have such Teutonic names, I wonder?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You know who else had a Teutonic name?

      • kyeshinka

        Himmler?

      • eggsacklywright

        Fritz von Hohlenzollern?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I always thought the name 'Schickelgruber' sounded pretty Yiddish.

      • BadKitty904

        The Archduke Sigismund Otto Maria Josef Gottfried Henrich Erik Leopold Ferdinand von Habsburg-Lothringen?

      • GhostBuggy

        Mr. Hilter?

      • elviouslyqueer
        • trondant

          Neigh!

      • Generation[redacted]

        Tommy Tutone?

      • BoroPrimorac

        Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh?

      • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

        Johann Sebastian Bach?

        Too soon?

    • eggsacklywright

      Ve vill haff ORDER!

    • BadKitty904

      A triumph of the will, no doubt…

      • eggsacklywright

        Or a Kawasaki of the imagination.

        • GhostBuggy

          Now you're putsching it.

          • eggsacklywright

            All your beirhalls are belong to us.

    • mavenmaven

      On the Right the women have porn names and the guys have black metal names.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Doocey & Kilmeade are SO not metal.

        • doloras

          How is "Kill Me Aid" not METAL?!?

  • Goonemeritus

    What kind of communist is Obama anyway, Stalin and Castro never had any problem running for another term.

    • doloras

      Stalin once got 147% of the vote in an election. Apparently all the voters from other districts came into his just for the privilege of voting for him.

  • hagajim

    So now OSCE is the UN? Jeebus, Faux is breathtaking in their ability to make up complete bullshit. I guess that's how they keep replenishing "Bullshit Mountain" as John Stewart so accurately calls it.

  • asterixaverni

    I wish there was an a UN monitor in many districts here in the US – it is quite obviously needed.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I sure wish there had been in Florida in 2000, and Ohio in '04.

  • Schmannnity

    Instead of dipping their fingers in purple ink, Fox News reporters should be obliged to dip their noses in brown ink after voting.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Then how would you know? Their noses are already indelibly brown.

    • Esteev

      This whole thing reeks of partisanship.

  • MacRaith

    But the members of the OSCE are also members of the UN. So there.

    As is the United States. Therefore everything that is done by the US government is actually done by the UN. Except when Republicans are in charge, because that's different, and they hate the UN because of freedom, and LOOK! ACORN!

    Jeez, do I have to keep spelling it out for you people?

    • chicken_thief

      HUSSEIN Obummerz always be shuckin and jivin with the UN. Because Rev Wright Kenyan also too.

    • bikerlaureate

      Monitoring is Observing.
      OSCE is UN.
      Freedom is Slavery.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Megyn Kelly Simply Does Not Care For Those Black Helicopters

    Those helicopters aren't showing racial transcendence!!!

    • bikerlaureate

      They're the least transparent helicopters too.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Way to go Baggerz, nothing says 3rd world country like having international observers observing your elections. Job. Well. Done.

    • Generation[redacted]

      They used to be here just to show a good example for the other countries. Threatening to arrest them if they watch? Now THAT's 3rd world done right!

  • kyeshinka

    We went to an international body because we trust some Dyadya Fedya from Smolensk on his last fifth of Istok vodka to monitor voting more than we trust the local Ohio GOPers?

    Yes, we do. That's how much we think of you people. And you fuckers can't live with that!

    • snowpointsecret

      Living in Ohio (specifically stuck in John Boehner's district for just a little while longer), I can't agree with this assessment any more.

      • kyeshinka

        My state has Steve King. At least with Boehner you don't quite have that urge to slam an empty bottle of Jack upside his head.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    So these election observers are not God's will??

    • kyeshinka

      They're legitimate observers.

      • Generation[redacted]

        The state has a way of shutting the whole thing down.

    • ph7

      Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace!

  • noodlesalad

    We invented Democracy, WORLD, and everyone knows if you invent something you will be right about it forever. Just ask Eastman Kodak or Atari.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Greece on line two.

      • noodlesalad

        We are the Thomas Edison to Greece's Nikola Tesla.

    • Schmannnity

      Daimler Benz?

  • snowpointsecret

    List of things Megyn Kelly hates

    1. Barack Obama
    2. Other women
    3. Barack Obama
    4. Europe
    5. Barack Obama
    6. the UN
    7. Barack Obama

    Am I missing anything?

    • kyeshinka

      Kazakhstan, most of which is technically in Asia. I'm a geography nerd, sorry.

      • snowpointsecret

        Technically, the far western part is in Europe geographically speaking, so it's in both. (Also a geography nerd, I'm glad someone here would understand my references)

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      Herself.

      • ph7

        I once met Megyn in a bar. After some drinks, i took her back to my hotel room. and into my bed. As we started fucking, she started to cry.

        I asked Megyn – what's the matter? are you going to hate yourself in the morning?

        She replied – I hate myself now!

        /thanks to R.D.

    • Dr. Matt

      Blah people.

    • bikerlaureate

      Objectivity.

    • AncienReggie

      Mensa. She hates Mensa. Also upset about the MacArthur prize people, who just giggle and hang up when she calls.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …Ukraine and Kazakhstan? Borat seemed to have a great time in Texas

    • MosesInvests

      Very nice!

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …you didn't get to vote, but we can have "sexy time"

  • calliecallie

    I absolutely cannot listen to these women talk. I tried twice and it was too painful.

    • kyeshinka

      Whoa. Two women were talking?

      • BadKitty904

        At least two, depending on which personalities she is today.

  • freakishlywrong

    They monitor our elections over here so we can monitor their elections over there. Get it, hysterical, panty wetting wingtards?

  • ph7

    Megyn doesn't like people to watch. Kinda disappointing.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, which is not the U.N., will be coming to observe our elections."

    They want to see democracy in action!!!

    • BadKitty904

      Then why are they coming to observe our elections?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        They took a wrong turn at Newfoundland.

  • chicken_thief

    Ok, so Megyn can't get the facts right. But her hair does look very nice in the vid.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Story of her life. But since those are both clauses in her contract, as a paid female talker on FOX News, she's doing alright, I guess.

      Also, hatefuck, too.

  • James Michael Curley

    Its the ones with the purple Star of David you have to worry about. Right Mr.Eichmann?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Shut up and bring me some coffee, Megyn.

  • coolhandnuke

    Megyn has always given me a fraudulent erection.

    • tracyhasfun

      Aye, there's the rub.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Careful with that "purple finger."

      • cousinitt

        Just not from the Queen of the Ice Giants–you'll end up with a dicksicle.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    The OSCE calls it "Building democracy over there so we don't have to watch them impose democracy over here."

  • Buzz Feedback

    I'm unna reverse the polarity on my tinfoil hat so it's harder for the Blah Helicopters to track me.

  • Not_So_Much

    Does she remove that skin sack at the end of the day when she returns to the hive of the Lizzerd People?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Sorry, I am physically unable watch a Fox News clip if it lasts longer than 15 seconds.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I love the disclaimer at the end where she says "Monitor and observe means to look", she basically just admitted to being a right wing hatchet man! I truly look forward to the day that her sex tape is leaked and the only words I hear on that tape are "yes, daddy give it to me harder" and "I love your huge BLACK c@ck!!!"

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    So, just to be clear, this is all just pre-emptive outrage for when the OSCE reports that this year's US American election shenanigans and/or tampering put those in Russia, Venezuela, and/or Iran to shame, right?

  • gullywompr

    The only "observers" True the Vote (i.e., white panthers) wants in the polling places are their own, obvs.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    See, here's the problem:

    When conservatives "observe elections," they tend to riot in their Brooks Brothers suits. It's understandable that Meager Kelly is confused.

  • dradambomb

    LOL what if Megyn knew Kazakhstan and Ukraine were part of the USSR! She would have to tell Romney about the threat!
    Did they cover that kid in Harrisonburg, Va. throwing democrat registrations in the garbage on FOX?

  • kyeshinka

    Will the guys from Odessa be shuckin' and jivin?

    • PubOption

      Well, they must know the Steps!

  • eggsacklywright

    Ow. This election is lasting for more than 4 hours.

    • kyeshinka

      Time to get your doctor involved.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Doctor Kevorkian still making housecalls?

  • Stevola

    People started worrying about black helicopters around the same time Fox "News" started using black helicopters. Coincidence, I'm sure.

  • neiltheblaze

    Please. After the 2000 election and the theft of Ohio in 2004, I want the UN to monitor all US elections. Republicans can't be trusted.

  • Esteev

    Nothing says "fair and balance" like denigrating an organization committed to fairness in elections.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Megyn Kelly Simply Does Not Care For Those Black Helicopters Voters and Candidates Spy On Participating In Our Elections.

    Fixed

  • Dr. Matt

    The UN doesn't have time to monitor our elections. They are too busy taking away our guns. Geez.

  • Biff

    Oh for fuck's sake. One of our homegrown local whackaloons sat outside the polling place on opening day of early voting here in the heart of tinfoil hat territory NV, inking a stick figure on a piece of paper every time a voter left the building. Another local whackaloon accused him of being a UN plant. I really expected the UN to have greater tech than that, and also to have issued the "observer" a blue helmet rather than the tinfoil hat.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    'That time' , Megyn? .

  • Chichikovovich

    The True the Vote people are right to be upset. Everybody knows that the best way to ensure a free and fair election is to make sure that nobody can see what happens.

  • kyeshinka

    Someone really needs to stop feeding her after midnight.

  • cc423

    Megyn Kelly is such a hack. She better hope she never gets booted from FOX, because no legitimate news organization on earth would touch her.

  • MinAgain

    Black helicopters…clearly in the tank for Obama.

  • MUHAMMED_PBUH

    IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL REPUBLICANS

    UN ILLUMINATI OBSERVERS ARE HERE ON BEHALF OF THE ANTICHRIST IN ACCORDANCE WITH END-TIMES PROPHECY

    YOU CAN AVOID RECEIVING THE MARK OF THE BEAST BY NOT VOTING ON NOVEMBER 6TH, ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIVE IN OHIO

  • ttommyunger

    Plan on fapping in a few, so can't watch Megs. Peen is totally dead for a day or two if I see ten seconds of her. Total soft-on.

    • AlterNewt

      Thanks for the heads-up.

      • ttommyunger

        I live to serve….;)

  • lulzmonger

    Six & a half minutes of that twunt in a row?
    I'd rather get a turpentine enema, thanks.

  • tessiee

    So now we know who buys tampon earrings.

  • sullivanst

    Let's also at some point maybe mention that the OSCE observed the 2010 election. And the 2008 election. And the 2006 election. And the elections in 2002 and 2004.

    Why did W hate Amurrkkka so?

  • Jimmyone

    Here in the Square State we are used to the blah choppers…looking for weed…and training for war…we, on the western slope also have to live with a green and yellow Bell hauling the likes of Billy Bob Koch…oy…I need a toke…

  • alvinnewman

    Greg Palast's balls in Megyn's mouth FTW

  • MegPasadena

    What? We have election fraud in this country? Why is Obama apologizing to the UN?

  • glamourdammerung

    Since Texas would be violating an international agreement that we have if they interfere, I wonder if terrorism charges are appropriate. Especially since the Republicans were good enough to block closing down Gitmo.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    You know, freakishlywrong, got it right. The dude looks fucking evil. He reminds me of Mr. Zorg from the 5th Element. At least Gary Oldman had to go through the whole make-up artist treatment to look so creepy. That face is the face that fucker shaves every morning…without any help whatsoever.

  • rocktonsam

    madalyn khan in blazzing saddles?

  • e_z

    24,000 absentee ballots in Palm Beach Florida, that can not be read by machine. So they will be carefully re-marked onto fresh ballots.

    No need for outside observers folks, move along…

  • TribecaMike

    I'd do her, in a rotary way.

  • TribecaMike

    Megyn hasn't felt this fulfilled since her last conjugal visit with Rod Blagojevich.

  • IndianaKevin

    Today helicopters, tomorrow drones.