FAUX NOOZ  11:19 am October 25, 2012

Megyn Kelly Simply Does Not Care For Those Black Helicopters Coming To Spy On Our Elections

by Kris E. Benson


Oh, Megyn Kelly! Don’t ever change, OK? Here is Megyn Kelly on Fox “News,” informing us that there may be an “extra set of eyes” on election day and those eyes may belong to the United Nations. Note the contempt with which she says “United Nations,” by the way, she might as well have been saying “the Muslim Brotherhood.” So anyway, yes! There MAY be an extra set of eyes! And they MAY belong to the United Nations! (They will probably belong to Jimmy Carter.) This is because “left-leaning civil rights groups,” aided by the Democrats, have called for U.N. election monitors because they SAY there are efforts to suppress the minority vote. Then she has a lady from True the Vote (which has been attempting to suppress the minority vote) offer the opinion that it’s “breathtaking,” the hypocrisy we’re seeing, just breathtaking, that they have gone to an INTERNATIONAL BODY that contains countries who have voter IDs! Can you believe that?

Of course, the U.N. will not be monitoring our elections; the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, which is not the U.N., will be coming to observe our elections. All members of this organization have signed an agreement called the 1990 Copenhagen Document, and are bound as a result to accept delegations to observe their elections. If the U.S. bans the OSCE from observing our elections, other countries will have grounds to ban the U.S. and other member states from observing THEIR elections. So. Yeah. Those are the “facts,” not that they probably matter to Megyn Kelly, or to True the Vote.

[ThinkProgress]

 
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{ 155 comments }

nounverb911 October 25, 2012 at 11:21 am

But it's still okay for Bain to own the voting booth companies in Ohio?

Loch_Nessosaur October 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

Democratic vote goes in, Republican vote comes out. You can't explain it.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

The fix is in.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 11:36 am

So you don't like capitalism now, huh?

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:39 am

If only I could sell my vote…

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 11:45 am

It probably won't count anyway.

Generation[redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Your vote has already been bundled, securitized and sold on the OTC market.

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 11:21 am

The Banana Republicans are out to ruin our institutions. Voting is just one of their targets.

Yellerdawg October 25, 2012 at 11:38 am

I've heard they're hiding their money in the Tommy Bahama's.

CalvinsChoice October 25, 2012 at 11:22 am

Elections. Nobody knows how they work.

Terry October 25, 2012 at 11:24 am

A series of tubes, I hear.

nounverb911 October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

Just ask Al Gore.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

Or Katherine Harris!

Estproph October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

They're like fuckin magnets, man.

WhatTheHeck October 25, 2012 at 11:48 am

Oh, I get it now. They are so polarized that they will never come together.

chicken_thief October 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

But if they last for more than 4 hrs, go see the doc. Oh, wait…. ee-LEC-tions…. never mind…..

iburl October 25, 2012 at 11:41 am

Mike Connell, Karl Rove's IT guru knew how they worked, unfortunately for him and his family.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

Depends on who you want to win.

mavenmaven October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

Put a picture of that scary blonde skinhead kid up again to remind everyone why observers are a good idea.

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 11:26 am

I like how Colbert compared him to the albino monk in The DaVinci Code.

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

What is this, Shrieking Racist Harpy Day on Wonkette?

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

Why..yes, elviously. ☺

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

Orly is missing in action.

ChillBill October 25, 2012 at 11:32 am

Today, and everyday.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:40 am

PAM GELLER LIBEL!

Biff October 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Yes, or as I like to call it, Thursday.

DrunkIrishman October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

A friend and I skipped high school a few years back and decided to drive around teh city smokin' up. We went into an area of teh city called teh Avenues, which is on a hill, so, slopes up, and as we were drivin', saw one of those black helicopters everyone loves to talk 'bout. It literally popped out of nowhere, danced around a bit, and then vanished behind a hill. We went to look for it, drivin' all fast and all, you know, after shitting ourselves, but it was like the fucker just disappeared into the ground. Tripped us the fuck out.

Of course, we were higher than Snoop on a Tuesday – but we both saw it!

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:40 am

That's some heavy shit you had.

You holding?

GhostBuggy October 25, 2012 at 12:02 pm

And that young DrunkIrishman's name, way back then as lad, was Ray Liotta.

And now you know…the rest of the story.

barto October 25, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Didja tell Megyna?

Terry October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

I have a theory about the female news people on Fox. I think all the glue they use to apply those false eyelashes has somehow affected their brains. The male news people have brain issues, as well, but I have no theory as to the cause. Maybe their mommas dropped them on their heads when they were infants.

weejee October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

Or took too much Oxycontin™ and meth while carrying them as little fetustards.

PsycWench October 25, 2012 at 11:56 am

I have always thought the solvent in hair spray may cause brain damage, or perhaps the supply at Fox is laced with mild hallucinogens that cause paranoia.

boskolives October 27, 2012 at 11:28 am

Maybe they do the butterfly kisses?

LibertyLover October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

Facts (and libtards) have such a liberal bias….

FNMA October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

Megyn, little advice. When the voices in your head tell you set fires or cut yourself or go on the TV and say stupid shit, try to ignore them, OK?

Goonemeritus October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

She should not ignore all of that advice.

RufusTFirefly October 25, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Or not–could boost ratings.

comrad_darkness October 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

I think Fox's truism about the police applies here: if you aren't doing anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about, right?

Redgyal October 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Bingo!

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 11:24 am

Man, that Hans von Spakovsky dude is NSFW. Why do all these evil wingers have such Teutonic names, I wonder?

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

You know who else had a Teutonic name?

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

Himmler?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

Fritz von Hohlenzollern?

Lascauxcaveman October 25, 2012 at 11:42 am

I always thought the name 'Schickelgruber' sounded pretty Yiddish.

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 11:43 am

The Archduke Sigismund Otto Maria Josef Gottfried Henrich Erik Leopold Ferdinand von Habsburg-Lothringen?

GhostBuggy October 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Mr. Hilter?

elviouslyqueer October 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm
trondant October 25, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Neigh!

Generation[redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Tommy Tutone?

BoroPrimorac October 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh?

RufusTFirefly October 25, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Johann Sebastian Bach?

Too soon?

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

Ve vill haff ORDER!

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

A triumph of the will, no doubt…

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

Or a Kawasaki of the imagination.

GhostBuggy October 25, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Now you're putsching it.

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 12:09 pm

All your beirhalls are belong to us.

mavenmaven October 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

On the Right the women have porn names and the guys have black metal names.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 25, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Doocey & Kilmeade are SO not metal.

doloras October 25, 2012 at 6:40 pm

How is "Kill Me Aid" not METAL?!?

Goonemeritus October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

What kind of communist is Obama anyway, Stalin and Castro never had any problem running for another term.

doloras October 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Stalin once got 147% of the vote in an election. Apparently all the voters from other districts came into his just for the privilege of voting for him.

hagajim October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

So now OSCE is the UN? Jeebus, Faux is breathtaking in their ability to make up complete bullshit. I guess that's how they keep replenishing "Bullshit Mountain" as John Stewart so accurately calls it.

asterixaverni October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

I wish there was an a UN monitor in many districts here in the US – it is quite obviously needed.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

I sure wish there had been in Florida in 2000, and Ohio in '04.

Schmannnity October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

Instead of dipping their fingers in purple ink, Fox News reporters should be obliged to dip their noses in brown ink after voting.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

Then how would you know? Their noses are already indelibly brown.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 11:49 am

This whole thing reeks of partisanship.

MacRaith October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

But the members of the OSCE are also members of the UN. So there.

As is the United States. Therefore everything that is done by the US government is actually done by the UN. Except when Republicans are in charge, because that's different, and they hate the UN because of freedom, and LOOK! ACORN!

Jeez, do I have to keep spelling it out for you people?

chicken_thief October 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

HUSSEIN Obummerz always be shuckin and jivin with the UN. Because Rev Wright Kenyan also too.

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Monitoring is Observing.
OSCE is UN.
Freedom is Slavery.

weejee October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

Megyn Kelly Simply Does Not Care For Those Black Helicopters

Those helicopters aren't showing racial transcendence!!!

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

They're the least transparent helicopters too.

Loch_Nessosaur October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

Way to go Baggerz, nothing says 3rd world country like having international observers observing your elections. Job. Well. Done.

Generation[redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm

They used to be here just to show a good example for the other countries. Threatening to arrest them if they watch? Now THAT's 3rd world done right!

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

We went to an international body because we trust some Dyadya Fedya from Smolensk on his last fifth of Istok vodka to monitor voting more than we trust the local Ohio GOPers?

Yes, we do. That's how much we think of you people. And you fuckers can't live with that!

snowpointsecret October 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

Living in Ohio (specifically stuck in John Boehner's district for just a little while longer), I can't agree with this assessment any more.

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

My state has Steve King. At least with Boehner you don't quite have that urge to slam an empty bottle of Jack upside his head.

Gratuitous World October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

So these election observers are not God's will??

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

They're legitimate observers.

Generation[redacted] October 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm

The state has a way of shutting the whole thing down.

ph7 October 25, 2012 at 11:44 am

Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace!

noodlesalad October 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

We invented Democracy, WORLD, and everyone knows if you invent something you will be right about it forever. Just ask Eastman Kodak or Atari.

Lascauxcaveman October 25, 2012 at 11:43 am

Greece on line two.

noodlesalad October 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

We are the Thomas Edison to Greece's Nikola Tesla.

Schmannnity October 25, 2012 at 11:48 am

Daimler Benz?

snowpointsecret October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

List of things Megyn Kelly hates

1. Barack Obama
2. Other women
3. Barack Obama
4. Europe
5. Barack Obama
6. the UN
7. Barack Obama

Am I missing anything?

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 11:34 am

Kazakhstan, most of which is technically in Asia. I'm a geography nerd, sorry.

snowpointsecret October 25, 2012 at 11:36 am

Technically, the far western part is in Europe geographically speaking, so it's in both. (Also a geography nerd, I'm glad someone here would understand my references)

ChillBill October 25, 2012 at 11:43 am

Herself.

ph7 October 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

I once met Megyn in a bar. After some drinks, i took her back to my hotel room. and into my bed. As we started fucking, she started to cry.

I asked Megyn – what's the matter? are you going to hate yourself in the morning?

She replied – I hate myself now!

/thanks to R.D.

Dr. Matt October 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Blah people.

bikerlaureate October 25, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Objectivity.

AncienReggie October 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Mensa. She hates Mensa. Also upset about the MacArthur prize people, who just giggle and hang up when she calls.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

…Ukraine and Kazakhstan? Borat seemed to have a great time in Texas

MosesInvests October 25, 2012 at 11:43 am

Very nice!

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:51 am

…you didn't get to vote, but we can have "sexy time"

calliecallie October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

I absolutely cannot listen to these women talk. I tried twice and it was too painful.

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

Whoa. Two women were talking?

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 11:45 am

At least two, depending on which personalities she is today.

freakishlywrong October 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

They monitor our elections over here so we can monitor their elections over there. Get it, hysterical, panty wetting wingtards?

ph7 October 25, 2012 at 11:30 am

Megyn doesn't like people to watch. Kinda disappointing.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:30 am

"the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, which is not the U.N., will be coming to observe our elections."

They want to see democracy in action!!!

BadKitty904 October 25, 2012 at 11:38 am

Then why are they coming to observe our elections?

Lascauxcaveman October 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

They took a wrong turn at Newfoundland.

chicken_thief October 25, 2012 at 11:30 am

Ok, so Megyn can't get the facts right. But her hair does look very nice in the vid.

Lascauxcaveman October 25, 2012 at 11:47 am

Story of her life. But since those are both clauses in her contract, as a paid female talker on FOX News, she's doing alright, I guess.

Also, hatefuck, too.

James Michael Curley October 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

Its the ones with the purple Star of David you have to worry about. Right Mr.Eichmann?

ChillBill October 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

Shut up and bring me some coffee, Megyn.

coolhandnuke October 25, 2012 at 11:32 am

Megyn has always given me a fraudulent erection.

tracyhasfun October 25, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Aye, there's the rub.

Gleem McShineys October 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Careful with that "purple finger."

cousinitt October 27, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Just not from the Queen of the Ice Giants–you'll end up with a dicksicle.

SayItWithWookies October 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

The OSCE calls it "Building democracy over there so we don't have to watch them impose democracy over here."

Buzz Feedback October 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

I'm unna reverse the polarity on my tinfoil hat so it's harder for the Blah Helicopters to track me.

Not_So_Much October 25, 2012 at 11:34 am

Does she remove that skin sack at the end of the day when she returns to the hive of the Lizzerd People?

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:34 am

Sorry, I am physically unable watch a Fox News clip if it lasts longer than 15 seconds.

AngryBlakGuy October 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

…I love the disclaimer at the end where she says "Monitor and observe means to look", she basically just admitted to being a right wing hatchet man! I truly look forward to the day that her sex tape is leaked and the only words I hear on that tape are "yes, daddy give it to me harder" and "I love your huge BLACK c@ck!!!"

Incitefully_Joe October 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

So, just to be clear, this is all just pre-emptive outrage for when the OSCE reports that this year's US American election shenanigans and/or tampering put those in Russia, Venezuela, and/or Iran to shame, right?

gullywompr October 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

The only "observers" True the Vote (i.e., white panthers) wants in the polling places are their own, obvs.

actor212 October 25, 2012 at 11:38 am

See, here's the problem:

When conservatives "observe elections," they tend to riot in their Brooks Brothers suits. It's understandable that Meager Kelly is confused.

dradambomb October 25, 2012 at 11:41 am

LOL what if Megyn knew Kazakhstan and Ukraine were part of the USSR! She would have to tell Romney about the threat!
Did they cover that kid in Harrisonburg, Va. throwing democrat registrations in the garbage on FOX?

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 11:41 am

Will the guys from Odessa be shuckin' and jivin?

PubOption October 25, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Well, they must know the Steps!

eggsacklywright October 25, 2012 at 11:41 am

Ow. This election is lasting for more than 4 hours.

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

Time to get your doctor involved.

Gleem McShineys October 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Doctor Kevorkian still making housecalls?

Stevola October 25, 2012 at 11:42 am

People started worrying about black helicopters around the same time Fox "News" started using black helicopters. Coincidence, I'm sure.

neiltheblaze October 25, 2012 at 11:42 am

Please. After the 2000 election and the theft of Ohio in 2004, I want the UN to monitor all US elections. Republicans can't be trusted.

Esteev October 25, 2012 at 11:44 am

Nothing says "fair and balance" like denigrating an organization committed to fairness in elections.

BaldarTFlagass October 25, 2012 at 11:52 am

Megyn Kelly Simply Does Not Care For Those Black Helicopters Voters and Candidates Spy On Participating In Our Elections.

Fixed

Dr. Matt October 25, 2012 at 11:59 am

The UN doesn't have time to monitor our elections. They are too busy taking away our guns. Geez.

Biff October 25, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Oh for fuck's sake. One of our homegrown local whackaloons sat outside the polling place on opening day of early voting here in the heart of tinfoil hat territory NV, inking a stick figure on a piece of paper every time a voter left the building. Another local whackaloon accused him of being a UN plant. I really expected the UN to have greater tech than that, and also to have issued the "observer" a blue helmet rather than the tinfoil hat.

Blueb4sinrise October 25, 2012 at 12:00 pm

'That time' , Megyn? .

Chichikovovich October 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

The True the Vote people are right to be upset. Everybody knows that the best way to ensure a free and fair election is to make sure that nobody can see what happens.

kyeshinka October 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Someone really needs to stop feeding her after midnight.

cc423 October 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Megyn Kelly is such a hack. She better hope she never gets booted from FOX, because no legitimate news organization on earth would touch her.

MinAgain October 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Black helicopters…clearly in the tank for Obama.

MUHAMMED_PBUH October 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm

IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL REPUBLICANS

UN ILLUMINATI OBSERVERS ARE HERE ON BEHALF OF THE ANTICHRIST IN ACCORDANCE WITH END-TIMES PROPHECY

YOU CAN AVOID RECEIVING THE MARK OF THE BEAST BY NOT VOTING ON NOVEMBER 6TH, ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIVE IN OHIO

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Plan on fapping in a few, so can't watch Megs. Peen is totally dead for a day or two if I see ten seconds of her. Total soft-on.

AlterNewt October 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Thanks for the heads-up.

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I live to serve….;)

lulzmonger October 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Six & a half minutes of that twunt in a row?
I'd rather get a turpentine enema, thanks.

tessiee October 25, 2012 at 12:33 pm

So now we know who buys tampon earrings.

sullivanst October 25, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Let's also at some point maybe mention that the OSCE observed the 2010 election. And the 2008 election. And the 2006 election. And the elections in 2002 and 2004.

Why did W hate Amurrkkka so?

Jimmyone October 25, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Here in the Square State we are used to the blah choppers…looking for weed…and training for war…we, on the western slope also have to live with a green and yellow Bell hauling the likes of Billy Bob Koch…oy…I need a toke…

alvinnewman October 25, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Greg Palast's balls in Megyn's mouth FTW

MegPasadena October 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

What? We have election fraud in this country? Why is Obama apologizing to the UN?

glamourdammerung October 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Since Texas would be violating an international agreement that we have if they interfere, I wonder if terrorism charges are appropriate. Especially since the Republicans were good enough to block closing down Gitmo.

Dashboard Buddha October 25, 2012 at 7:21 pm

You know, freakishlywrong, got it right. The dude looks fucking evil. He reminds me of Mr. Zorg from the 5th Element. At least Gary Oldman had to go through the whole make-up artist treatment to look so creepy. That face is the face that fucker shaves every morning…without any help whatsoever.

rocktonsam October 25, 2012 at 9:18 pm

madalyn khan in blazzing saddles?

e_z October 26, 2012 at 6:12 am

24,000 absentee ballots in Palm Beach Florida, that can not be read by machine. So they will be carefully re-marked onto fresh ballots.

No need for outside observers folks, move along…

TribecaMike October 26, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I'd do her, in a rotary way.

TribecaMike October 27, 2012 at 12:35 am

Megyn hasn't felt this fulfilled since her last conjugal visit with Rod Blagojevich.

IndianaKevin October 28, 2012 at 11:47 am

Today helicopters, tomorrow drones.

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