Romney and Ann aboard the SeawardHere’s the thing about the Navy: it needs more ships. And possibly more bayonets, so as not to offend the bayonet-Americans. But definitely more ships. This is self-evidently true according to presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who astutely observed the other night that our air force is “older than any time since 1947.” This is also self-evidently true!  So the solution here is more ships, which you can use to attack Syria (a.k.a. “Iran’s route to the sea”) and if you get bored with that, you can sail on over to Afghanistan, which will be very helpful to our men and women and uniform. So yeah, more ships, says Romney, who is being advised by some guy who by coincidence just so happens to invest in ship-building companies. Does his opinion on navy ships have to do with these ties to ship-building companies? No, of course not, his opinion on navy ships just has to do with Keeping Us Safe.™

One of Romney’s most important advisers on Navy issues [is] John Lehman, an investment banker and former secretary of the Navy, [who] has strong and complex personal financial ties to the naval shipbuilding industry. He has profited hugely from the Navy’s slow growth in recent years — raising the prospect that he could make even more if Romney takes his advice on expanding the fleet.


Lehman invested in a government-backed “Superferry” in Hawaii — a business that ultimately failed, but not before boosting the standing of Austal USA, an Alabama shipbuilder that constructed the ferry service’s ships… Lehman continues to own shipyards that do lucrative maintenance work for the Navy. Even leaving aside the intricate ferry-and-shipyard series of deals, Lehman still stands a decent chance of profiting from the naval buildup he is helping to plan.

This is just a coincidence, of course, because gosh — Romney and Ryan, they just want to make sure America is strong. Militarily, that is. And the best way to make us strong enough to fight our enemies is MORE SHIPS.


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  • Madfall

    Yeah, that's a puzzler. I'd be willing to bet that the US navy's collective tonnage as of the debate considerably outweighed the old Navy Rmoney was referring to also.
    Talking out of his periscope, as usual.

  • If the Navy of 1943 was enough to prevent Pearl Harbor from the Germans, it's enough to keep the US&A safe from Iran's extensive nuclear program. On planet Kolob.

    • coolhandnuke

      Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer…dead."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Is John one of the Lehman Brothers?

    I wonder how much money Willard has invested in Lehman's shipyards?

  • Might need more Dancing Horses for the Army.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe


    • Five star General Rafalca?

    • frrolfe

      horses for the air force, sez i. back in the day when every enola gay was decorated with onions zzzzzzzzzz

    • MegPasadena

      Maybe Rafalca will be the first Romney to serve the military.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Romney – I never served in the military but I have friends who own naval shipbuilding companies.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Does Romney have any investments in blimps or personal jet packs?
    Just wondering.

  • coolhandnuke

    Mitt also said the Air Force needs more planes with windows that roll down,

    • Madfall

      All the better to spearhead his Mormon invasion of France.

  • ProgressiveInga

    "…invested in a government-backed 'Superferry'…"

    Marcus or Lindsay?

    • bobbert

      Actually, I saw the Superferry back in 2008, Iirc. It was YUUUUUGE.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Then maybe he's heard of aircraft carriers!

  • bleokt

    This proves it: Mitt Romney is a Muslim.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    In Virginia, they are working on transvaginal bayonets. Jerbs, people, jerbs.

  • Terry

    Personally, I'd rather see the Navy (and other branches of the military) hire a few more computer geeks who could continue getting into Iran's networks and keep the computers at their nuclear facilities playing AC/DC rather than running the production of enriched uranium.

    I'd suggest that they do similar things to North Korea's military facilities, but I suspect that that whole country's network consists of a satellite hook up so Kim Jong Un can watch Netflix movies and a single dial up modem for all military computer activities.

    • i like the way you think

    • Barbara_

      I'm voting for Terry.

    • Well, duh. If he didn't have Netflix, how will he know which directors and actresses to kidnap?

    • Obama was going to announce exactly when and how we are doing that, with the full budget, key personnel and list of facilities from which we run our counter-espionage, but he ran out of time at the debate. He will probably casually mention it to the owner of a donut shop in Las Vegas, though.

      • Terry

        Or off the record to a newspaper in Iowa.

    • elviouslyqueer

      and a single dial up modem for all military computer activities.

      That, and the modem is hooked up to a Coleco Adam.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Mitt was asked by the ghost of David Broder if he knew about submarines, "you know, those long, hard, round things that carry seamen." And Mitt replied,"Lindsey Graham?"

  • has strong and complex personal financial ties to the naval shipbuilding industry

    He used to blow welders at the Electric Boat plant in Grorton.

  • coolhandnuke

    Didn't Mitt say he wanted to run our old Navy like a Banana Republic.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Yes and he will fill The Gap with horses and bayonets!

    • PubOption

      Each ship will have a J Crew.

      • LesBontemps

        Will he be recruiting on J Date?

    • Mom jeans, half off

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Lehman was SecNav during my enlistment in the Navy. Dick then, probably dick now.

    • coolhandnuke

      Don't tell anyone, but during my jarhead incarceration I worked a couple months for the Asst Sec of the Navy–Melvyn Paisley at some building with five walls. I can confirm your assessment–he was then and still is a five-star prick.

    • HistoriCat

      I can't do the Google-fu right now but wasn't he present during the Tailhoook party scandal, cavorting with strippers?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    He wants one of those aircraft carriers that flies, like Nick Fury has.

  • All the GOPooh bears want some of that sweet, sweet government honey. Worker bees, unite!

    • BadKitty904

      So. Government *does* create jobs, then?

    • BoroPrimorac

      Would it have killed Obama to call Romney out on his two trillion dollar stimulus package?

  • ChernobylSoup

    Julia Roberts whored herself out so that one dude would have a change of heart and decide to build ships instead of breaking up the company. Do we really want that whoring to go to waste?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think we need more Yangtze River gunboats. Maybe we would get more movies like "The Sand Pebbles" out of that.

    • SavageDrummer

      The Yangtze is currently shallow enough to wade across in most places… boats aren't an option anymore!

  • jodyleek

    So, it's okay for the guberment to create jerbs as long as said jobs ultimately line the pockets of your uber-rich friends. Got it.

  • LesBontemps

    I can haz alt-text now?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Here's mine: "Mitt and Ann take a cruise in the SS Fertility."

      • LesBontemps

        "Needs more boats."

    • sudsmckenzie

      I own all your Grey Poupon.

    • MosesInvests

      "All your yacht are belong to us."

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    I would say maybe Lehman could sell ships to Iran but since they have to go through Syria for a seaport maybe he could just sell them to the Soviet Union.

    • Nowisallthereis

      And the USSR and CCCP.

      ALso, we need enough firepower to breach the Berlin Wall.

      • SavageDrummer

        I'm also hearing some rumbles concerning Archduke Ferdinand, that guy should watch his back…

  • KotBR

    Why won't our Communist President address the fact that Navy hasn't won an NCAA football championship since 1926? That's the real threat to American strength.

  • freakishlywrong

    Faux will get right on this story.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    But haven't you seen the latest advertisements? The Navy is a Global Force for Good!!!

    • LesBontemps

      I didn't know that spreading gonorrhea was considered a global good.

    • It's not just a job, it's $98.76 a week!

  • BadKitty904

    Corrupt, Venal Hypocrite is corrupt. And venal.

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    You know what we'll get? Submarine aircraft carriers (an actual 1950's proposal), and flying flapjacks (look it up) and gold plated missle systems that can't pass the "strapped down chicken test." Fund them all then try to truck the deliveries across collapsing infrastructure.

    • schvitzatura

      Just as long as we maintain our great stockpiles of Quint Zed Rockets/Schwarzgerät/Imipolex G., America will be right as rain.

      Hoping Marcus B. or Lindsay G. is the payload during test trials…

  • RomneysLogCabin

    “Here's your first problem," he said, pointing at a sentence. "'Religion is the opium of the people.' Well, I don't know about people, but I think you'll find that the opium of pirates is actual opium.”

    G. Defoe

  • Trannysurprise

    Where can you find pleasure, search the world for treasure, learn science and technology?

    This doesn't sound like something Mittens wants.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Romney – "Who sunk my Battleship?"

    • SavageDrummer

      He's mostly wondering why we don't have triremes anymore

  • Lucidamente1

    Well at least one Lehman brother is solvent.

  • You know, I hate to break rank with my fellow Obots here, but I have to admit, one place where Obama is wrong is that the US military totally could use some more Bayonetta

  • kittensdontlie

    Where do we need ships? Answer: EverydamnWhere!!!!
    Explaination!: Commander-in-Waiting Mittens, from the bow of his thirty-five foot lake cruiser, can easily see that our largest inland sea, the Great Salt Lake, is UNPROTECTED!! Enemy battleships positioned there, could launch the most devastating attack on America since 9/11!!1!!

    • coolhandnuke

      How easily you forget the naval invasion from the hedonistic evil empire to the west–trained on Lake Tahoe to divide and conquer the Mormon Empire.
      In Utah they call that terrible day Reno 9/11.

    • Radiotherapy

      And the Great Lakes. Largely unprotected from the socialist hordes. Defend the Northern Border.

  • OneYieldRegular

    It's the same reason he wants more coal, and more oil, and more gas, and more nuclear, and less bank regulation, less environmental protection, less tightening of tax loopholes. Mitt Romney is not a candidate – he's a fixer for his corporate friends and fellow yacht owners.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Nothing exemplifies American Patrician Privilege more than a boat full of Romney's.

    Is it just me, or when a gaggle that big can't drink, I get nervous?

  • OK, let's review: "Government doesn't create ______________."


    • GunToting[Redacted]


    • coolhandnuke

      Government cheese.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    We need to address the Party Barge Gap ASAP!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Didn't Mittens head up the committee to expand the Utah Navy?

  • Radiotherapy

    Hey Frank Luntz, here's one for you:

    Lose ships, pink slips.

    No charge, Radio.

  • chicken_thief

    Rmoney needs a bigger Navy to defend all the countries where he has his money stored. The fact that his good buddy builds ships is just icing on the cake.

  • CalvinsChoice

    That boat needs more ballast in the bow. Goddamn anti-bigamy laws.

  • James Michael Curley

    I live in Iowa. No new battleship is going to keep me safe. Give me a good old American AK-47 any day.

    • alvinnewman

      American AK-47….I see what you did there….

  • Moar Great Lakes Battleships!! Dearborn, Michigan is Syria's gateway to the walleye!!

  • MosesInvests

    I for one am outraged that the US Navy has only one 36-gun, 3-masted frigate under commission. And no 3-deck ships of the line.

  • TheMightyHaltor

    The United States Navy could take on the rest of the world's navies combined (and the vast majority of those foreign ships belong to our allies anyway) and likely not lose a ship. So the obvious solution is more ships.

  • ttommyunger

    Binders of ankle-biters on their own in the bow of a racing speedboat; what could possibly go wrong? At least they're wearing PFD's, so the bodies will be easy to recover.

    • When we lived on the water on Long Island, we always wondered about the peen size of a guy with a boat like that.

      • ttommyunger

        Prolly the same as a hummer-driver.

  • ElPinche

    Here's an oldy but a goodie. An actual truth told my Romney *gasp*

    Romney: "I'm a big believer in getting money where money is, and it's in Washington D.C."

  • Estproph

    "…presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who astutely observed the other night that our air force is “older than any time since 1947.”

    You're older than you've ever been
    And now you're even older
    And now you're even older
    And now you're even older
    You're older than you've ever been
    And now you're even older
    And now you're older still

    Time is marching on
    And time is still marching on

  • SpiderCrab

    It's okay if this becomes public knowledge because it's just the usual corrupt republican politics, and after all there's plenty of money in the budget for a boondoggle or two

  • barto

    Ramming Speed!!!

  • mavenmaven

    Of course Romney would like to order more ships, to be built by his companies in China!

  • It's simple, the more ships we have on the high seas, the sooner we can find the Northwest Passage. I for one welcome this policy.

    • bobbert

      Global warming is taking care of this for us, with or without more ships.


    mitt romney will create real jobs shoveling clean american coal to power our dreadnoughts in the coming campaign to liberate the Levant from the fiendish grip of the ottoman empire


    Tell me he is not carrying the dog under that boat.

  • shelwood46

    My stepdad works for Austal in Mobile. He worked on the Superferry, and now the LCS (Littoral Combat Ship), which btw are all catamarans or some funky thing. Does this mean I have to vote for Romney?*

    *My stepfather is not voting for Romney. My mother is not voting for Romney. Me, neither. 'Cause, you know, these ships are getting built by Obama anyway, also too.

    • DahBoner

      You said Littoral. I say Beach.

  • redarmyzombie

    Jeez, with all this talk about Bayonet-Americans, Blahs and the You People, you'd think the Republican party was more inclusive than it really is…

  • DahBoner


  • DahBoner

    "Big ships are sexy. Or lips." — Thuston Howell III & Ginger

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