GAME: CHANGED!  1:01 pm October 24, 2012

Hero Wonketteer Takes To The YouTubes With Bold Counteroffer To Trump

by Doktor Zoom

From Wonkette’s Own Jesse Berney, a counteroffer that Mitt Romney would be a fool to turn down!

The real news here is, of course, that someone who blogs for Wonkette has a hundred bucks on hand. That may actually be more surprising than anything Donald Trump said.

Also, too, another announcement that eclipses the significance of anything Trump said today:

(Yes, we realize that there is not enough graph paper on the planet to make a Venn diagram that includes the set “things that eclipse the significance of anything Trump said today… or ever”)

[YouTube]

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 110 comments }

Barbara_ October 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Donald Trump should be forced to endure the unspeakable horror of having to listen to Donald Trump.

Loch_Nessosaur October 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I can't trust someone who has books in the background over someone who has Trump Steaks.

Mittaplasia October 24, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I thought they were Trump Steaks BOOKS with nice juicy popups for hard core carnivores to fap to.

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Why, exactly, is this Trump person "famous"?

SoBeach October 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Same reason Paris Hilton is famous.

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Sex tapes?

barto October 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

GAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHH!

starfanglednut October 24, 2012 at 1:36 pm

*faints

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

DO NOT WANT.

SavageDrummer October 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

There's a Trump sex tape?

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

OK, I'm *trying* to eat my lunch here, dude…

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 2:08 pm

To repeat, DO NOT WANT.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I wonder what his hair-beast would look like in night vision mode.

HogeyeGrex October 24, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Awww. Don't talk about Ivana that way.

BornInATrailer October 24, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Have you seen the movie "Troll Hunter" (and you should)? Kinda like that.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

And Sarah Palin.

I_P October 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Buttsecks?

Mumbletypeg October 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Why, exactly, is this Trump person "famous"?

For coining the phrase "Trump times never last, Trump people do."

He claimed — and deep down, really was convinced — it was an original. Right down to the addendum of a punchline, "… and the same is true of cockroaches!"

Mittaplasia October 24, 2012 at 2:02 pm

…and Keith Richards will outlast them all!

ChillBill October 24, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Trump's response: "Kid, I wipe my ass with hundred-dollar bills."

Mittaplasia October 24, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I thought he had people to do that.

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

You're both wrong.
Nobody wipes his ass, because all the shit comes out of his mouth.

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 1:32 am

Bwahahahahaha!!!!1!!1

James Michael Curley October 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Trump is so dumb he buys toilet paper printed with instructions.

rickmaci October 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Bwhahahahhahahhahahahhahahaha. Damn. My keyboard is now soaked in coffee.

boskolives October 24, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Being a total ass, how would he know where to start and stop?

hagajim October 24, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Gee Donald, shamless self-promotion much? Douchebag!

valgal2342 October 24, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Certified Angus beef prime douchbag

Lot_49 October 24, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Buying meat at the Sharper Image is like buying a foot massager at Safeway.

iburl October 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

…or taking political advice from a world-famous conniving liar.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

NEEDZ MOAR PONEEZ!1!!1

weejee October 24, 2012 at 1:19 pm

And stabby, stabby (with votes obvs) bayonets.

DemmeFatale October 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Not shouty and yelly enough.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 11:08 pm

WHAT?

SoBeach October 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Ron Popeil called. He wants his pitch back.

BornInATrailer October 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Said it and forget it?

Jus_Wonderin October 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm

The Pocket Taxman

FakaktaSouth October 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

You know Mitt Romney would just agree to this, and then say (in the same breath) he had no fucking idea what you were talking about or what money was, or youtube.

sewollef October 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Blind trust. He knows what those are. And he knows how to direct the investments in blind trusts too.

How does he know this? Because he's a fucking asshole, duh.

AlterNewt October 24, 2012 at 1:27 pm

…or tax returns.

PsycWench October 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

He knows where the Cayman Islands are.

SayItWithWookies October 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Jesse, you have to be more specific — do you want to see Romney's original tax returns or just the amended ones that his accountant summarized that make it look like he paid taxes?

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm

The ones locked away in the Caymans bank, the ones that haven't been shredded, silly.

sullivanst October 24, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Yeah, "as filed" would be a good addition.

iburl October 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Normally I don't buy my food at the Sharper Image, but I assume that they feed the TRUMP SKEAKS cows gold-plated wheat?

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Oh that's rich.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Yes, but are the steaks yuuuuug?

fuflans October 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

and with that $100 for the charity of your choice, we will throw in a world map.

MiniMencken October 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

How many times is this man going to publicly demonstrate the Dunning-Kruger Effect?

Boojum October 25, 2012 at 6:57 am

AOT, K

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Wait, Wonkette pays in something other than Ameros or Bitcoins?

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 1:16 pm

The Snark Road

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 1:24 pm

It's direct deposit through Paypal, right?

RedneckMuslin October 24, 2012 at 1:41 pm

In roubles, the commies.

Chet Kincaid_ October 24, 2012 at 2:04 pm

All together: "Hobo Beans & Whore Diamonds!!"

SayItWithWookies October 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Trump Steaks — The world's only premium steaks that are loud and taste like ass.

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 2:09 pm

But oh so tender, because rumor has it that Trump beats his meat early and often, with alacrity. Even.

Anne_Athema October 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

As I watched the bloviator extraordinaire verbally vomit, I kept expecting a steaming turd to be extruded form his mouth, since his lips look much like a dialating asshole.

Radiotherapy October 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I'll give Romney $100 if he shows his college transcripts.

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Or his tax returns.

Texan_Bulldog October 24, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I don't want to see The Donald's taxes. I want to see what's under the honey badger on top of his head. Wait…maybe I don't–okay, taxes are fine!

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Don't judge me but I kinda want to try one of those steaks.

ph7 October 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Don't judge me but I kinda want to try one of those Trumps.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Can we share?

rickmaci October 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Bolt ons. As bad as her old man's comb over.

Not_So_Much October 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

There's got to be some way in which we can glue Trump and the Kardashians to Arizona and just sell the whole mess to the Messican drug cartels.

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 1:17 pm

As what?

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Steaks.

Mumbletypeg October 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

For someone who's made his name and his gain on assessing the potential value of things for sale, purchase and resale; Trump's utter lack of self-appraisal might be sadder than his craven wealth.

prommie October 24, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I'll have a hundred bucks on Friday, thats payday! But not for long.

freakishlywrong October 24, 2012 at 1:19 pm

The steaks in this election are uuuuuuge.

Whollyholeyholy October 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Why can't we have Sir Richard Branson? Do you suppose the UK would trade?

GemlikeFlame October 24, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Not if they have an ounce of common sense.

smitallica October 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I sometimes wonder if civilization was really worth it. I mean, in olden days, someone like Trump would've been clubbed and eaten a long time ago, just for existing.

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

It's not too late.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

When I saw "Trump steaks" I got excited because I thought someone had taken Trump to a slaughterhouse.

Of votes! A messy, smelly slaughterhouse of votes.

rocktonsam October 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Mr, Trump

IRS on line one. Something about an audit sir.

"Tell them I'm not in."

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"…they're down stairs, sir."

gullywompr October 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I'll bet you $10,000 he doesn't take it.

LastGasp October 24, 2012 at 1:26 pm

"Well Jesse, if you'd just get a job you'd realize that a hundred bucks doesn't go far in this economy. What are you, poor?" — Donald Trump

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 24, 2012 at 1:27 pm

You should prolly hide that $100 in the cayman islands. I heard that's where people with money put their money. I wouldn't know.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Trump deserves a kick in the junk so hard his marbles come out his steak hole.
~

widestanceromance October 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Trump, junk, hard and his hole. I'll be in my vomitorium for the rest of the day.

TribecaMike October 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Just think of it as "a gift from God," Donald.

CrunchyKnee October 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Trump steaks is PEOPLE!!!11!

gullywompr October 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Make it a brazillion, and I'm in. kkkkkkkk!

CindynEncinitas October 24, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I don't think the Founding Fathers gave us the miracle of free speech so we would be forced to endure the ravings of a pouty, narcissistic nutter whose only joy in life seems to come from blathering into a camera. Who do the Murkin people have to fuck to get this guy to go away?

Redgyal October 24, 2012 at 1:35 pm

One question. Is Jesse Brasilian? Kkkkkkk

neiltheblaze October 24, 2012 at 1:35 pm

How much is that in Hobo Beans?

mull_man October 24, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Can we throw a set of steak knives too? Literally?

mavenmaven October 24, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Romney doesn't recognize $20 bills.

Mittaplasia October 24, 2012 at 1:53 pm

It's near the end of the month, but I scraped up $20 to give to Trump for proof that the thing on his head has its rabies vaccine up-to-date.

TribecaMike October 24, 2012 at 1:54 pm

What a twist!

Mittaplasia October 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Something about night deposit boxes comes to mind…

cvdurhm October 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I'll give $100 if someone can find a transcript of Donnie saying anything intelligent.

Disassembly October 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

If you want to give Ringo less, it's up to you. I'd rather not get involved.

Jerri October 24, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Do the Trump Steaks come from actual Trumps?

bikerlaureate October 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

If "Wonketeer" is the term for someone who "blogs for Wonkette", what is the correct label for us lowly commenters?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Wonkers.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 25, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Wonkeratti

tracyhasfun October 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

It's probably silly to point this out but why isn't The Trump yelling for the tax returns? He all truthy n shit…

docterry6973 October 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Any Democratic politician whose response to Trump doesn't include the words 'Romney', 'tax' and 'returns' will be shot.

larrykat October 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm

What, he has already removed the video????

spareme October 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Well crap, the videos been removed. I really wanted to see what a $100 bill looked like.

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Okay, so which one of you cheeky bastards is Jesse? lol

boskolives October 24, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Is the Donald willing to show his bank statement? Not for nothing, but he has too many BK's and divorces on his record to be sure he actually has the cash.

Abernathy October 24, 2012 at 8:55 pm

"Mitt Romney would be a fool to turn down" You had him at "fool."

ttommyunger October 24, 2012 at 10:44 pm

What is it with you and your Trump videos? Not gonna do it.

Burgdorf October 24, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Is there anything Trump won't put his name on?

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 1:35 am

Yes, the pre-nup.

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