Game: Changed!

Hero Wonketteer Takes To The YouTubes With Bold Counteroffer To Trump

From Wonkette’s Own Jesse Berney, a counteroffer that Mitt Romney would be a fool to turn down!

The real news here is, of course, that someone who blogs for Wonkette has a hundred bucks on hand. That may actually be more surprising than anything Donald Trump said.

Also, too, another announcement that eclipses the significance of anything Trump said today:

(Yes, we realize that there is not enough graph paper on the planet to make a Venn diagram that includes the set “things that eclipse the significance of anything Trump said today… or ever”)


About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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  1. Barbara_

    Donald Trump should be forced to endure the unspeakable horror of having to listen to Donald Trump.

    1. Mittaplasia

      I thought they were Trump Steaks BOOKS with nice juicy popups for hard core carnivores to fap to.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Why, exactly, is this Trump person "famous"?

      For coining the phrase "Trump times never last, Trump people do."

      He claimed — and deep down, really was convinced — it was an original. Right down to the addendum of a punchline, "… and the same is true of cockroaches!"

  2. FakaktaSouth

    You know Mitt Romney would just agree to this, and then say (in the same breath) he had no fucking idea what you were talking about or what money was, or youtube.

    1. sewollef

      Blind trust. He knows what those are. And he knows how to direct the investments in blind trusts too.

      How does he know this? Because he's a fucking asshole, duh.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Jesse, you have to be more specific — do you want to see Romney's original tax returns or just the amended ones that his accountant summarized that make it look like he paid taxes?

    1. elviouslyqueer

      But oh so tender, because rumor has it that Trump beats his meat early and often, with alacrity. Even.

  4. Anne_Athema

    As I watched the bloviator extraordinaire verbally vomit, I kept expecting a steaming turd to be extruded form his mouth, since his lips look much like a dialating asshole.

  5. Texan_Bulldog

    I don't want to see The Donald's taxes. I want to see what's under the honey badger on top of his head. Wait…maybe I don't–okay, taxes are fine!

  6. Not_So_Much

    There's got to be some way in which we can glue Trump and the Kardashians to Arizona and just sell the whole mess to the Messican drug cartels.

  7. Mumbletypeg

    For someone who's made his name and his gain on assessing the potential value of things for sale, purchase and resale; Trump's utter lack of self-appraisal might be sadder than his craven wealth.

  8. smitallica

    I sometimes wonder if civilization was really worth it. I mean, in olden days, someone like Trump would've been clubbed and eaten a long time ago, just for existing.

  9. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    When I saw "Trump steaks" I got excited because I thought someone had taken Trump to a slaughterhouse.

    Of votes! A messy, smelly slaughterhouse of votes.

  10. LastGasp

    "Well Jesse, if you'd just get a job you'd realize that a hundred bucks doesn't go far in this economy. What are you, poor?" — Donald Trump

  11. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    You should prolly hide that $100 in the cayman islands. I heard that's where people with money put their money. I wouldn't know.

  12. CindynEncinitas

    I don't think the Founding Fathers gave us the miracle of free speech so we would be forced to endure the ravings of a pouty, narcissistic nutter whose only joy in life seems to come from blathering into a camera. Who do the Murkin people have to fuck to get this guy to go away?

  13. Mittaplasia

    It's near the end of the month, but I scraped up $20 to give to Trump for proof that the thing on his head has its rabies vaccine up-to-date.

  14. bikerlaureate

    If "Wonketeer" is the term for someone who "blogs for Wonkette", what is the correct label for us lowly commenters?

  15. tracyhasfun

    It's probably silly to point this out but why isn't The Trump yelling for the tax returns? He all truthy n shit…

  16. docterry6973

    Any Democratic politician whose response to Trump doesn't include the words 'Romney', 'tax' and 'returns' will be shot.

  17. boskolives

    Is the Donald willing to show his bank statement? Not for nothing, but he has too many BK's and divorces on his record to be sure he actually has the cash.

Comments are closed.