Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, puppies and kittens: we are a mere twenty minutes away from Donald Trump changing everything by revealing something incredibly stupid and probably racist about Barack Obama.
He will be doing this via Facebook and Twitter, so we, of course, are going to liveblog whatever Donald Trump is releasing in character-limited fashion. This could potentially change the election! Or get Donald Trump another ten minutes of TV time on Fox & Friends tomorrow.
What do you think the surprise is? We will keep you updated with up-to-the-second baseless speculation on when Donald Trump with reserve his place in Hell, which within ten years will have a shoddily built Trump hotel in it.
11:46 AM – Will Donald Trump’s big announcement be a tweet that leads to his Facebook page? Will it be a Facebook link to a series of Tweets? NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS.
11:48 AM – Early indications are that Obama may be giving up on several swing states, including Indiana, South Carolina and Arizona, in anticipation of Trump announcement.
11:49 AM – Whatever this is, please don’t let it ruin the Choom Gang. I love those wacky kids.
11:51 AM – God’s rape candidate Dick Mourdock is holding a press conference right now. He said determining whether God loves rape is “above his pay grade.”
11:53 AM – Which third-party candidate are you going to support after Donald Trump destroys Obama’s political career? I’m thinking Jill Stein.
11:58 AM – Two minutes. Tell your Obamatard friends you love them.
11:59 AM – Arewethereyet arewethereyet arewethereyet
12:02 PM – The Trump announcement is that…he will give $5 million to a charity of Obama’s choice if Obama releases his college transcripts and passport applications. What the fuck, Trump? HOW COULD YOU CHANGE THE GAME SO HARD?
No, seriously, fuck Donald Trump.
{ 334 comments }
Thank you, Donald Trump for making it possible for me to hate someone more than I hate Ann Coulter.
That's a close one, but Ann Coulter seems a little more mean-spirited. So far.
Donald Trump never called anyone a retard.
Publicly.
I don't think we have to choose. I, for one, have enough to hate both of them. Multitask, people!
Frankly, I have always thought that Ann Coulter was pretty cunty…. She just keeps proving me right…
Nah, she keeps proving herself to be ugly cunty.
I can't hate anyone more than I hate Ann Coulter. I am a sweet, loving, albeit sarcastic kinda person, who can nearly always see the good in things. I hate AC with the fire of a thousand suns, I wish her ill every time I see her face. If I (accidentally) hear her voice, I have to drink myself to a blackout in order to try and obliterate it.
Donald Trump sucks donkey balls, though.
I still hate Bush Jr. and Cheney more than anyone else, even Coulter or Limbaugh.
Ok. I think I may have been a victim of a republican mind-swipe. Who were these two again? I remember…I remember…was there a fat guy and a dumb cowboy?
close, dumb preppie in a cowboy hat
The republicans make it so easy to hate
Just one of their many shared traits with Emperor Palpatine.
I hope whatever it is really fucks up Romney. That is all.
Me too.
In typical Trump fashion, it's all p.r. and no substance.
Obama is not half-black, but 65% black.
I think Trump found out that the Obama dog, Bo is also half-black.
And like Obama, not house-trained.
I was thinking more 3/5 black, but 65% is close enough.
3/5 * 50% means that Obama is actually secretly 30% Black. Always remember to show your work, kids!
He's got 15 more minutes to be trending on Twitter and fapping to all the attention.
Edit: 12:03 pm – no longer trending.
It's actually MICHELLE who is the Kenyan-born communist/socialist.
OMG THAT'S JUST LIKE THE ENDING TO GHOST WRITER!>!!>!
Remember when people looked up to Donald Trump and admired his ability and wisdom?
Me neither.
I'm ashamed to say it, but when I was a young child in the 80s, I loved Trump. I wanted to be rich, and rich=Trump, to my juvenile eyes. I even wanted his boardgame! But then the 80s ended, and he dumped Ivana, and that was it for me. My budding gayness just could not take him cheating on Ivana.
His reputation has fallen lower than his hair
The surprise is that Obama's been dead this entire time, and I'm the only one who can see his ghost.
Ir was all a dream. Bamz was in the shower when Donald woke up this a.m.
Yeah, in his dreams is right.
You can hear it on the vinyl recording of the last debate, if you play it backwards.
Obama IS the Russian spy!!
The surprise is that the trees are making people commit political suicide, and also some guy actually basically tells you that point blank halfway through the movie.
Or is it that the secret illegal aliens hate water, and also exactly the same thing I just said.
I'm not even really trying here, the main point is fuck M. Night Shamylan, and also too Donald Trump.
The surprise is that it's been a comb-over all along!!!!
Whatever he pays his barber, it's too much.
Barber or taxidermist?
Neither. His carny.
He uses a hay rake.
That comic's story must be set in Bizarro World.
Me President. Me have real hair!
The half-white part of Obama is his penis. Very small.
http://dailydickpunch.com/2012/10/24/zomg-racist-…
The shoddily-built Trump Hell Hotel (and casino, natch) is part of a cooperative agreement, in exchange for Donald allowing us to bring hell to the denizens of his properties.
"Bluewater Comics"? Blackwater Comics had the same cover, but with Dubya.
He's going to reveal that Paul Ryan is already pleading for a spot on Celebrity Apprentice.
After Donald is done releasing, I do hope he doesn't have to flush twice again.
Political power grows from the bad hairpiece of a mope.
If we can trick him into saying "Pmurt" maybe he'll disappear from our dimension.
That image doesn't do justice to his thick fingers. And his vulgarity. Nothing comes close to depicting his vulgarity.
Oh, Spy magazine, how I miss you!
Obama is Strom Thurmond's love child!
This is the most exciting moment of my life! SSSQQQQQUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEE!
Weird: I had no idea that man's scowl-puckered face was actually capable of smiling.
He only smiles when he's got that dog whistle in his mouth.
That's actually a pic of the Donald Trump Cabbage Patch Doll.
In fairness to Mumbletypeg, they're pretty hard to tell apart.
Same thing with Russell Crowe.
I vote the Weekly World News space alien is going to endorse Obama and then marry him
I hope they allow stowaways on those space ships… This place is getting scary.
Or Batboy is his bastard offspring.
I loves me some Bat Boy!
Slide over on that bench with the Batboy luv, sis.
I bet Obama has been relying on advice from Miss Cleo this entire time!
That was Ronald Reagan (and Nancy).
Oh, I know — he's going to do his "You'r fired" thing that he wasn't able to do at the Republican convention with an Obama double. It'll be yuge.
Obama wears a bad toupee!
Soylent Green is PEOPLE!
More footage of Obama speaking to a black person, William Ayers, or Saul Alinsky (who is really Obama's father).
I am hoping that he announces his crappy TV show is cancelled. The only way it is a game changer is if NBC did it at Romeny's request.
Trump will reveal that, contrary to common wisdom, he has actually filed for corporate bankruptcy 5 TIMES, not 4.
The surprise is that the next season of The Apprentice is starting soon, and someone wants attention for ratings.
That's actually not a surprise. NBC has demonstrated of late it has a lead ear for quality programming even compared to Fox of a few years ago, back when they were cancelling Futurama and Firefly.
Come on, sticking the funniest show on TV in the Friday dead slot, then firing the show runner, then pulling it off the air until who knows when right before the season was about to start was such a great idea!
Maybe we can fix this by replacing more people's timeslots with Leno!
And people like monkeys. Let's make a sitcom about a monkey that dresses like a doctor!
Hope he trades to the Miami Heat in Al Capone's Vault.
He's got a picture of Obama at age 6 months with bat ears and webbed fingers?
You'd think O woulda gotten the ears fixed by now.
Obama is a space alien reptilian, here to steal Earth's icecaps. Trump has the proof, because his hair told him.
So that's where they've been disappearing to. Time to buy a Hummer and drive it two blocks every time I go to the grocery store.
I read that as "here to steal earth's hubcaps" which actually makes more sense.
You KNOW this is going to be EARTHSHATTERING if it's coming through Facebook and Twitter for Christ's sake. EVERYTHING that matters is ALWAYS tweeted, no? I hate this world.
Lets run away then.
I am fucking packing. This is so stupid, it's not even fit for twitter. Let's go.
You better be packing
The White House released the following statement:
Donald Trump to declare intellectual bankruptcy at noon.
Moral bankruptcy not even in the running.
"The vacuum between my ears is hyooge!!"
Too late.
I am now following him on the Twitterz simply because I can't wait for however long it takes for Jesse to find out what it is and then write what it is and then I have to keep hitting refresh and OMIGOD WHAT DOES TRUMP HAVE ON THE PRESIDENT WHAT WHAT OMIGOD (convulses, falls off couch, dies)
Obama gay tryst? With ARod?
Axelrod? I hear he's into "polling."
Not just A-Rod, he made a sandwich with A-Rod and Derek Jeeter.
Um…
Excuse me for just a moment, won't you?
You sure like your toast browned "just so," don't you?
11:53 AM – Which third-party candidate are you going to support after Donald Trump destroys Obama’s political career? I’m thinking Jill Stein.
I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you all that I'm available as a write-in candidate. My platform is "More Drugs: We Couldn't Do Any Worse"
Consider my vote cast.
I'm here to tell you actor212 is a commie dupe. My platform is and always has been "free weed with every abortion." Vote Wookies!
I don't want to cast aspersions on my opponent, but I've heard that Wookies was caught with a dwarf in a homosexual liaison that may have involved cocaine and mothballs.
I think that's a reason to vote for Wookies.
Oh sure! THROW your vote away!
Don't believe my opponent's scurrilous accusations — it was a threesome!
WHAR HOTEL REGISTER?
Hmm. I think the username "KissAWookie" has been taken but it's possible that "CaughtInBedWithAWookie" is still available.
Hmm.. that's an interesting position. I am now "Undecided." Wow. This feels kinda good. Let the pandering begin, candidates!
Sayyyyyyyyyyy, have I ever let you on my private jet?
This jet, does it have a fully-stocked bar and stewardesses?
A hard-working American such as yourself could probably use a tax cut right about now, hmmm?
Don't fall for this fuzzy math!
Wookies will rape your dog and marry your wife!
Or soemthing like that
Hard-working? Um, I'm a liberal. You obviously haven't done your homework.
I want a Giant Pander or no dice.
YOU GET A NEW PLANE!
Count me in!!!
Twenty bucks says that it's already been reported on.
The suspense is boring me.
Masterful.
Has any other POTUS had to deal with such unrelenting assfuckery?
Guy name of Bill Clinton; you might have read about him
Yeah, but Slick Willie handed them his dick and encouraged them to whack it with a ruler.
Do you have to become president to have that done? I'm asking for a friend.
Some of us might require a yardstick. Just sayin'.
Bill Clinton did–these guys honed their assholes on the Clinton WH. 1000+ subeonas for shit like the Christmas card list.
Bill can't get enough props, to my way of thinking, for getting shit done anyway, and for not being made into a bitter, angry man.
And Republicans cannot get enough murdering-by-votes. If only.
The occasional at-work beej is a can't-miss stress-reliever.
James Buchanan liked the assfuckery, especially when it was unrelenting.
John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson and Grover Cleveland to name a few.
Seriously we are a nation whose politics are built on pettiness, hatred and personal attacks. Everything from bigamy (Jackson) to imbecility/inhuman nature (Lincoln) to drunkenness and stupidity (Johnson) to siring illegitimate children (Cleveland) were routine accusations in the press of the 19th century, with greater or lesser degrees of accuracy (Jackson's wife was technically married to her 1st husband when she took up with him, Cleveland did father a child out of wedlock, but no definitive testing shows Lincoln was actually an ape). If anything, the press retracted its fangs from the advent of radio/TV through Nixon mainly because they were afraid they'd lose access or legitimacy. Once cable gave Fox and Ailes a way to profit without giving a shit about access, it was game on.
The only thing I want to hear from Donald Trump is “OW! stop hitting me.”
Best ever.
Hard to do that through the ball gag.
Gotta hand it to The Donald . . . he has nothing to say and everyone is talking about him.
How am I expected to work today when TRUMP is going to announce the earth-shattering thing that will shatter the earth??!!! ZOMG!
You mean your office hasn't given you all the day off to deal with this staggering forthcoming news?
Get in your car and drive away from the fault line, NOW!!
And you just KNOW he'll wait until a couple of minutes after noon just to milk it, the little attention whore.
I really, REALLY want it to be something that justifies all my trepidation awaiting this Big Thing One Week Before Halloween.
If it doesn't turn out to include the upcoming premiere of
"Things That Go 'Trump' In the Night: The Musical" — starring his own hair as guest Creature Featured, I just might lose faith in The Donald.
I get the feeling Obama's sitting in the Oval Office, refreshing his screen saying "Proceed, Mr Trump"
Nah. Just kidding. He's probably doing something unimportant like saving the world.
I'm kinda amazed that Trump is still smarting after the asskicking over the birth certificate.
Damn it! I already voted. Too late now.
Churchill was right, democracy really is the worst form of government!
It's 12:01 asshole.
12:04 now
…do you know where your fuckin' dignity is?!
Even wise old Uncle Bobby don't know that… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1pNEhVcumU&fe…
Donald Trump a TOOL for the ages. Oh i know what it is that thing on his head really is his hair??
What is "choom gang" supposed to mean, anyway? I remember there was a troll a while back that kept repeating that, but of course he made no sense.
The group of pot smoking turkeys Obama hung out with in high school supposedly called themselves the "choom gang".
Wait, Obama smoked pot when he was younger? Why that makes him just like almost every single other person in the United States!
He also…*glances side to side, whispering*….snorted coke.
I half expected Trump to announce that Barry inhaled.
That's what Obama called his group of pot head friends.
It's the Fucktober surprise!
Anyone watching this? FAILLLLLLLURRRRRE.
i'm at work and can't take part in the festivities. What is it????
Maybe one of Chump's sekrit detectives in Havaii finally found something. Like a seashell, such as.
Found by U.S. Americans I hope.
What an asshole.
If trump reveals his comb over, I will give $5 to the charity — 501c(3) only please — of his choice.
What? You don't want to give to a Republican superpac? Shocking!
Wait, is Ronald Mc… I mean, Donald Toupe being sworn in using a bound stack of NatGeos or something? I've signed cell phone contracts thicker than that!
It's the version of his accounts ledger that he shows to the IRS.
How fucking lame … gamechanger he said … information, he promised … what a silly fucking attention whore.
I just want to say that I hate myself for sitting here waiting on this. This damn-well be something exciting to make fun of or I am going to be PISSED.
Yep, fuck this guy. What a fucking loser. This is not an announcement, this is a bunch of bullshit.
TRUUUUUUUUUUMP!
Someone throws a shoe at him while he's revealing. Donald Ducks. Film at 11.
There's something not at all surprising about the Donald. President Black guy humiliated him in front of a bunch of people and he hasn't been able to live it down.
This.
This is even below Trump's standards. What a fucking idiot. A whole bunch of nothing – but then this is not about Trump, right? It's about 'Merica.
How about $5 mil to Mitt's favorite charity if he releases his tax returns?
If I want to give $5 million to the Mormon Church, I will just join and get the 74 virgins, or whatever.
GAME CHANGER!!!
Wait? What?
Transcripts? Transcripts?
Holy fuck.
That's it? That's all he's got??
Asshole. I'm going to lunch.
Another day, another massively YUGE Trumpian FAIL.
Donald Trump to charities: "Fuck you."
Is Dubya now doing PR for the Donald?
An oral contract with Donald Trump isn't worth the paper it is printed on.
Please don't use the word "oral" within two words of "Donald Trump." oww my stomach!
Barry should donate 5 million bucks in Donald Trump's name to a wig-making charity.
Well, at least the game changer wasn't about Trump.
Trump: I got nothin'.
"But let's see if I can buy it…"
The Donald is a racist. That is all.
Well, that's not quite all. He's also an enema-bag and a cloven-footed pile of useless pus-covered gangrenous offal.
Larry Flynt to immediately announce he will give $5 million to the charity of Trump's choice if wife #3 will pose for Penthouse.
Hustler. Close, though.
Tomato, to-mah-to. Or in this case, tomatoes, to-mah-toes.
The Trump announcement is that…he will give $5 million to a charity of Obama’s choice if Obama releases his college transcripts and passport applications.
*sound effect of PacMan being eaten*
Sad trombone
Make it at east fifty million, you fucking piker.
Will Donald Trump's "hair" now finally reach down and strangle him?
College transcripts for $$? Seriously? How is that a bombshell?
And Breitbart's Institutional Left Doomsday clock still flashes zeros.
Jeez … is that guy still dead?
You should know — isn't it time to baste him with some more mop sauce?
Your guys didn't lose track of him, did they?
J.K. … I'm sure he's down here somwhere.
That's a game changer? Just bringing up the tired old screams of "Why won't Obama release his transcripts, like no presidential candidate ever before has ever done, or even been asked to do?" That's it?
Yep, I was right; nothing but Trump screaming for attention.And the media dutifully gave it to him. He didn't even have anything to say.
He may have used up his last bail bond card with this one, though.
God, let's hope so. Next thing you know he will be scouring Battle Creek, Michigan for proof Obama secretly has the real decoder ring.
I'm pleased to note that the NYT seems to have classified this as not actually fit to print.
Could the charity of his choice be “The National Foundation for throwing Donald Trump a Really Good Beating”?
I know some guys.
/ethnic/
Who doesn't?
"Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for… ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "
How much to release that hairpiece back into the wild?
America: a place where morons are rich, and I am not.
Huff some paint. That'll dumb you down to Trumps level. Then the cash just starts rolling in!
Wait. You do have rich parents, right?
Well, this certainly isn't a BFD. More like a BF Fail.
Trump, I'll sell you mine for $2.5M.
Oh, fuck off, Trump. You are more irrelevant than Caribou Barbie.
Also.
MAJOR UPDATE: my cat's breath smells like cat food
Donald Trump is the sound of air going out of five million balloons three hundred times a day.
That announcement was a lot like having sex with Donald Trump: disappointing, all about him and lasted less than 3 minutes.
thanks for taking it upon yourself to do the research..
No kidding — I even feel a bit dirty now.
Shoulda went with the 'Barry was Stringer Bell at Columbia' story.
Trump had run out of ideas for exposés of the President. He knew if he announced that he would make an announcement, others would try to guess what it would be, and he'd have a whole bunch of new stuff to send investigators out to dig into. Mr. Trump, is Hawaii still available? Because I could sure use about a two week investigation there.
Except for the "new stuff" part; every alleged revelation about Obama turns out to be old news covered long ago.
Screw the college transcripts, I want the details of the research papers he wrote.
HOW CAN WE CHOOSE A PREZNIT WITHOUT KNOWING WHETHER HE HAS MASTERED MLA CITATION FORMAT?
STRUNK & WHITE LIBEL!!
No, no, no, Professor Herr Doktor! CHICAGO citation format!
If we had Comments of the Day (which we do not), that would be it!
No AMA style?! What kind of Doktor are you?!
Phud in rhetoric & composition. MLA all the way.
Personally, I'd be lobbying hard for this one, which isn't getting anything like the love it deserves.
ETA: stoopit comment-not-finding ID, that link was supposed to go the the comment where CK replied to "It's 12:01" with "…do you know where your fuckin' dignity is?!"
I am SOOOO over performance art.
The only thing more ingenious would be if someone called for the arrest of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Gee, "comments are disabled" on Hairpiece's youtube. Why would that be?
Because only Donny's words are important.
YAWN.
Ha ha! All you guys fell for it, didn't you?
Obama's making a list:
1. Planned Parenthood
2. League of Women Voters
3. PBS/NPR
4. ?
ACLU
I vote for everything on this list, just because.
Tangerine Tango, Pantone 17-1463
Donald Dump what a loser!!! I'll give you a Schekel if you prove that thing on top of your head is not really running the show{{:(
Donald Trump: "I sucked his cock! Now you tell me, is that a BIG STORY or what?!"
Oh wait, what is this noise?
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down…"
Being Rickrolled is better than being Trumproasted.
Now if only he could find the one armed man who murdered his wife.
This would be unbelievably stupid, except that it involves Donald Trump, and nothing involving Trump is unbelievably stupid.
Wow! Almost as good as his surprise at the RNC.
Part of me wishes that Pres. Obama would call Trump's bluff and release them, then demand the donation be made to the United Negro College Fund. That would totally chap Trump's disgusting, soulless ass.
No, to Islamic Relief Worldwide
Or that charity with ties to Al Qaeda. Then he could arrest Trump for aiding terrorists.
KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES!
Shit he couldn't afford to do that.
The comb over's too damn high!
Yeah, let's see a passport application with all the sensitive material on it. College applications? Like any school still has the applications. Harvard Law School says right on its website that it destroys all applications after three years. What president has released their college transcripts? I can't think of any.
No other president has released their college transcripts, but see, all the other presidents were white.
OBAMA IS BLACK?!!1!!!??????
Strange that his esteemed opponents never seem to mention or refer to that.
If only someone had found this out before the 2008 election.
I remember that Orly Taitz was demanding that Obama release his social security number, to prove that he wasn't using a ton of "fraudulent" social security numbers, because he's not an American.
Honestly, I'm pretty sure my spam filter is filled with more convincing phishing attempts.
Trump would only go belly-up and bankrupt if Prez agreed.
He's the least transparent because he has the darkest skin, of course.
Most novel, Sir!
Can we go home now????? Pleeeeeeease????
Hey, I just woke up late to the Trump thing, so can someone tell me …
Did he find something in Geraldo Rivera's vault?
Where's my bayonet?
I am Donald J. Trump, millionaire, I own a mansion and a yacht…
Wow, this changes EVERYTHING. How could anyone vote for a guy who… wait, what??
Until we learn the full details of Obummer's sophomore Two-Dimensional Design Fundamentals class, this once great nation will continue to teeter on the edge of the precipice of tyranny.
Or we could just buy the textbook. You decide, sheeple!
I suppose so…
Except that the 1979 edition of "Fundamentals of Two-Dimensional Design" is OUT OF PRINT!!!
Dun dun dunnn!!
Oh. My. Gawd.
What a terrible shame it would be for Obama to force Trump not to give to worthy charities the 5 million dollars he would SO LOVE to donate…oh, there's nothing keeping Trump from doing that anyway? Huh, I guess he's just an asshole.
Also, I believe there's some meat on his desk that he's tenderizing with karate chops while taping. Multitasking!
I'll see your five million and agree to release my transcripts in exchange for Mitt Romney's tax returns for the past 20 years.
"I'll give $5 million dollars to anyone who will pay attention to me for another ten minutes. Please?"
President Obama, please release your VCR user manual!!!
I have it on good authority, he owned a Betamax INPEECH!
I have it on good authority that he let his children starve just so he could amass his laserdisc collection.
What's wrong with VHS, Obeta?
WHAT ARE YOU HIDING??? SHOW AMERIKA THE LONG-FORM VIDEO, THE DONALD!
Obama graduated from Hahvard magna cum laude which means his marks were something at or above 80% … which surely even a blithering yut like Trump knows full well. So Trump's willing to pay five big ones for a specific number over 80 & some mundane passport info – all of which would reveal zero information of real value or merit, thus perfectly echoing the net worth to humanity of this stentorian sack of toxic detritus shaped like a person.
He's releasing Trump Mini — all the mendacity, venality and vulgarity of the full-sized Trump, in a size that's perfect for children's television!
A bite-sized Trump is a type of evil than only Holocaust survivors can imagine.
well my day is complete.
He's a giver, no doubt about it!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, puppies and kitten
I feel so left out.
They're afraid of your whip.
*pats the bunny*
Trump has only given $3.7 million to his own charitable foundation since 1990 and hasn't made any donations whatsoever for the past two years.
I'm sure if Obama would just release his transcripts, it would stop all the nagging about his transcripts. Worked so well for his birth certificate!
Hahahahaha.
I'M DONALD TRUMP LOOK AT ME LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE LOOK AT MEEEEEE
No Donald, we do not want to look at you, and not just because of that stuffed gopher on your head that you inexplicably continue to claim is hair.
I'd like to point out that I wasn't far off when I suggested that the big surprise was going to be that there was no surprise.
Trying to think of something snarky to say, but WTF?? The Passport Application?
And here I thought he would be announcing Robme as contestant on next Celebrity Apprentice.
Really, all that needs to be said about Donald Trump is that his *casinos* went bankrupt three times.
If Trump had any credibility at all, this would be a nice way for Barry to pick up a easy $5 mil.
Dolan Trump is a racist buffoon. This actually MIGHT blow the race wide open, but probably not in the way Trump thinks.
O should call his bluff. He really should. Make that check payable to Planned Parenthood.
But who in the world has their own passport applications?
Why, it's almost as if he deliberately added a completely impossible requirement so he'd never have to pony up.
Did he play "Shattered" over the closing credits of this shit?
Hold on here – when he says Obama is the "least transparent," is that a racist thing?
Unless he's referring to Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man, which I very seriously doubt.
I will donate $15 to your favorite peddletwat if you will give a proper burial for that deceased gerbil glued to your forehead.
All Trump has to do to collect FIVE MILLION [MEDIA] WHORE DIAMONDS from me for the spouse or girlfriend of his choice is to eat 53 live cockroaches on national television like that guy in Florida last week. When he does that to my satisfaction, the whore diamonds will be delivered immediately to her adultfriendfinder.com profile. A lot of people will be very, very happy to see this happen.
I just reported that video to You Tube as a scam/fraud…but in reality I was referring to the man in the video, not the video itself
I love the smell of closure in the morning.
For some reason, I'm reminded of this:
Lisa [about her doll's name]: All right. Now all we need is a name.
Bart: How about Blabbermouth, the jerky doll for jerks?
Lisa: How about Minerva, after the Roman goddess of wisdom?
Stacy Lavelle: Ehh, not enough commercial appeal.
Bart: Wendy Windbag? Ugly Doris? Hortense the Mule-Faced Doll!
Stacy Lavelle: I think we should name her after Lisa. We'll call her Lisa Lionheart.
Bart: No, Loudmouth Lisa! Stupid Lisa Garbage Face! [no one listens] I can't stand this any longer. Somebody please pay attention to me! Hello, pay attention to me! Look at me! I'm Bart, I'm Bart! Look at me, look at me, look at me!
Donald: Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
Some Person: I’m kind of busy.
Donald: Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
Some Person: Ok Donald, I’m looking.
Donald: Ha ha! Made ya look!
There's a surprise; Trump fails at even making an irrelevant joke of himself.
This is so vapid, I only give it 200 millitrumps.
So is this the question mark step, or the "collect underpants" step, Donald?
So lemme get this straight. If Obama doesn't release the transcripts, then Trump won't give the money to charity and children will die. So Trump is a terrorist holding the children hostage. Good thing we don't negotiate with terrorists.
Remember when this guy was the frontrunner?
Today is a good day. Every person on earth who cares to say anything about this will say that Donald Trump is a fool. Every.Person.On.Earth.
The Donald is completely and totally alone on this. Compared to Donald Trump, Robinson Crusoe was on London Bridge at Noon.
Here's my counter-offer: $25 to my charity of choice if Donald Trump allows himself to be buried up to his neck in Central Park so passersby can spit and piss on him.
Obama will not release his college records because they show that all he studied was black history, black studies, black literature, black liberation theology, black speech, black sociology, black blacking, philosophy of blackness, getting b(l)ack at whitey, and MUSLIM.
He also took an art class… charcoal drawing.
ftw x 5 million!
The black arts…
"character-limited" is definitely the operative term here.
We know what you mean by "least transparent president in the history of this country", douche.
http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/223609…
I don't care what you guys say. I think Tony Clifton is hilarious.
I'm still trying to figure out Morecambe and Wise.
obama raped (but did not kill) donald trump in 1990!
but was it a legitimate rape?
I will click on a Trump video when you promise me it shows him giving Bishop Romney a reach-around during one of their "strategy sessions". Until then, no fucking way.
I wonder if the LDS have baptized Joey Bishop yet?
Don't know, but I'll bet Ol Blue Eyes pressed his head down on a few occasions.
Sinatra was a Nelson Riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a cannoli.
My 77 year-old sister says she still gets wet when she hears him sing.
Trump got fired from Trump Place.
That's confidential business information — strictly between me, my pimp, my dealer and the guy who brings the camels around.
Simpsons did it first.
Has that shit been canceled yet!? I'm tired of these people reaching into The Bad Olde Book Of Showbiz Ideas and pulling out "anthropomorphic monkeys" and "guys disguised as broads." ("Doctors fuck like rabbits due to the stress of being Gods" also, except Meryl Streep's daughter on that new show is cute.)
I think you've got dibs on that one, my dear.
Already cancelled.
CW has, of late, been on a roll with show ideas that should, by all rights, be old and busted, but somehow actually end up being okay despite that.
See their teen vampire romance drama show, for example.
What is my esteemed colleague hiding? Camels are people too, my friend!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAT_BuJAI70
Bar fully stocked. Stewardesses fully stockinged.
Not "fully" as such. Thigh highs
I will increase your welfare check
Leave my dog alone!
Harvard Law Review? Blue Book or GTFO. (Literally.)
I can see his hometown of Hoboken out my window. Yuppieville, USA. A far cry from the days when Frank's dad ran a low life dive and his mom was a Democratic ward healer and abortionist. Folks had character then (plus they were poorer than shit).
Too bad so many of us thought smoking was cool in those days.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
Good for your sis. On stage, Frank would mime rolling a cig and spitting out the tobacco at the end while singing "One For The Road" in a way that was almost Chaplinesque. Creepy guy, great singer.
Sent from Sally Field via William Lloyd Garrison.
A great talent in many fields.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
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