in jesus's name we slay

Oregon Man Protesting To Save God’s Precious Rape-Babies Stabs Other Man Seven Times

precious bundle of joy Well this does not seem so loving and joyful and Christ-like, but hey, what do we know. An Oregon man who is not Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin, or Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, and who’s been protesting for months outside a Planned Parenthood that doesn’t even offer abortion services got into a small bit of a brouhaha when a young lady kicked his stupid sign, and then he pushed her to the ground, and then she came back with her dad, and her dad punched the dude in the face a bunch of times, and then the first dude stabbed the dad a lot.

Let us talk for a moment about violence. We are gentle hippies, and so do not ideate on or wish for the pain of others, no matter how vile and deserving. But. We do recognize that sometimes beatdowns happen, and sometimes beatdowns are necessary. Like for instance, if a man pushed us to the ground, we are pretty sure someone should punch that man in the face a bunch of times, for the sake of all of civilization. Hopefully it wouldn’t be our Dad, as he is 74, but we guarantee you he would try. Some of you are probably frail, elderly dads. If someone pushed your daughter to the ground, you would probably hobble up on your walker and attempt with your feeble spaghetti arms to punch that man a bunch of times too. Wouldn’t you, Actor212?

Now let us talk about proportional response. If somebody punches you in the face a bunch of times, do you get to stab that person? Probably not! Maybe if you are a tiny lady who is far outweighed by her puncher, we can see that a stabbing might be self-defense then. But if you are another dude and you are just getting punched a bunch — like, not strangled, or near being murdered, or being set upon by a whole gang of punching thugs, just having your nose broke and whatnot — then stabbing a man seven times is probably not justifiable. (Especially if you started it by shoving a guy’s daughter to the ground.) Put us on all the juries please, because this case is closed!

Neighbor Charlotte Cook said the protester accosted people coming and going through the area.

“It was an accident looking for a place to happen,” she said.

Cherie Adams said he would yell obscenities at her when she walked past him, and she changed her route to work.

“He’s been out there for months,” she said. “He’s screaming at people. I had a feeling something like this would happen.”

Right. So dude was crazy. It is like an M. Night Shyamalan twist that no one could ever have seen coming!

No arrests have been made.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. zumpie

      Frankly I'm more stunned that there IS a Planned Parenthood in Grant's Pass than that a wingnut got all violent in defending "life". Isn't Grant's Pass where Kristie Lee Cracker (Cook) from American Idol is from?

    2. SigDeFlyinMonky

      Grant's Pants… got your climate change deniers and that true piece of work Roy Masters. Blastolene and their Decoliner try to balance it out.

    3. hagajim

      Oh for hell sake! It's not like Oregon needs any more press right now what with the rapist-killer in Gresham and the 11ty million missing children all the time….gawd.

    1. orygoon

      It will be more clear to you if you read a book called "Mother Nature" by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy. Short Hrdy: Men and many other animals want control of the womenfolks' sex and babbies, and pick many bizarre and sometimes nasty ways to be Enforcer Guy.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Hey, it moved so far she couldn't find it again, obvs.

          Personally, I'm more concrened about the 'Blaffer' part. I'm almost afraid to go over to Urban Dictionary to find out what it means.

          1. orygoon

            The Blaffer part is Texas aristocracy, bigtime, as in look up "Humble Oil Company" (or just meditate about Exxon, hell). I do not believe Little Sarah was supposed to grow up and grub around being a sociobiologist feminist–oil barons don't usually turn out such daughters.

    2. SavageDrummer

      It took me this long to put 2 and 2 together (I maths slow, sorry) but we now DO know how babby is formed… legitimate rape!

  1. EatsBabyDingos

    My daughters are black belts in Tae Kwon Do. I guarantee that they would have punched him in the nutsack so hard that even Deadronnie Reagan would have grabbed his dusty nads and said "owww."

    1. Redgyal

      And then the loser would have stabbed your daughter. It is kind of obvious that this guy was looking for an excuse to hurt someone.

  2. actor212

    Some of you are probably frail, elderly dads…Wouldn’t you, Actor212?

    For the last time, it's arthritis, not ALS….and it's not my fault you thought I was ancient.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I feel badly for the dad in this case. Sure he got stabbed, and that's pretty horrible. But the worst part is he couldn't take the guy out after repeatedly punching the stabber, before the stabby part. It speaks poorly of his technique.

      Dad, next time, punch this guy really, really hard in the throat. It only takes one.

      1. VodkaGoGo

        Yeah but if you miss you have just pissed all over a bees nest that way. I had a kid try that on me once and it did not go well for him.

          1. VodkaGoGo

            Ha, no. I drilled him in the jaw and chased him like a maniac for 3 or 4 blocks all the while screaming I was going to kill him. Not my finest moment but that little fucker had it coming.

        1. HistoriCat

          Daughter – "Dad I fell in love with the most wonderful guy on a politics site."
          actor212- Dear God, please let it be TPM or Daily Kos or even Breitbart's site
          Daughter – "I went to this site called Wonkette …"
          actor212 – "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

  3. Lucidamente1

    Now, if only Oregon had a stand your ground law, anti-choice dude could have shot pro-choice dad dead, for Jesus.

  4. FakaktaSouth

    See, thank god we don't have any kind of national healthcare system in this country so that schizophrenics with knives and murderous rage can live outside the Planned Parenthoods of America, to protest about the sanctity of life that isn't being sucked out of anything. Just great.

    1. prommie

      Mental illness isn't a medical condition, its a crime, thats how we deal with it now, we send them to prison. Sure, sometimes they have to live on the streets till their illness manifests in violence or theft, so we can have the pretense to send them to prison, but prison is where most end up now, the ones who don't just die.

      Maybe we should declare "war on mental illness," and then we could just shoot them with hellfire drones!

  5. Mumbletypeg

    I wanna fling a penny inside this douchetard's gapehole to "tip" him for this service to mankind though I have NO appreciation for it — not even its sheer brilliance of targeting and punishing an outfit for a "crime" it WASN'T committing.

  6. Yellerdawg

    That's why I love the 'stand your ground' laws: I can push your daughter to the ground, piss on your car, spit on your dog, and if you get pissed off, hit me and I get scared, I can shoot you. See!? It's all about Freedom!

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      That's why you should always carry two guns. One that's registered to you and a throwdown that you picked up at a gun show using fake ID. That way when someone starts acting up you bust a cap in their ass, plant the throwdown on them and then claim self-defense, like Bud White did in "L.A. Confidential". It's pre-emptive stand your ground.

  7. Oblios_Cap

    Some of you are probably frail, elderly dads.

    It's like you know me (and others)! That's just eerie.

  8. Ducksworthy

    Sooo. after the revolution we can start rounding these people up and getting the mental health treatment they need under Obamacare, right?

    1. sewollef

      I love Barney. Not in the biblical sense, 'cos we're both married. Well, not to each ……..

      oh fuck it, you know what I mean, right?

  9. weejee

    'Becca, EPSN is on line 2. They want to know moar about this Dick Duck and Beaver brouhaha and it's impact on the 2012 Oregon Civil War. Hey, views are views.

  10. gullywompr

    In DC there's this awful racist "abortion truck" (really an anti-abortion truck) that drives around with billboards of aborted brown fetuses and warnings of genocide. I keep waiting for the news story about something happening related to it…

    1. MissusBarry

      Thankfully, I think he spends more time updating his artwork than being out and about…seriously, he's totes up on current events with dat der Beverly Hillbilly Anti-abortion-mobile. I dutifully resist the urge to slash his tires (with votes) and run him over with his own truck (with votes) because I'm a civilized atheist. Also because I don't want to know what kind of WMDs he has hidden behind all that plywood.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Gotta be careful with names in OR. There is some deadbeat scumbag in Seaside, OR with the same name as me. It held up my closing for about 4 days when I bought my house in Portland.

    1. SorosBot

      Considering the many "pro-life" terrorists who have murdered abortion doctors and clinic staff in America, or tried to, it's perfectly consistent with the larger movement.

    1. Citizen Kitteh

      According to another report, they arrived just as the stabbing was occurring, so police eye witnesses.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    Oregon Man Protesting To Save God’s Precious Rape-Babies Stabs Other Man Seven Times

    Well this does not seem so loving and joyful and Christ-like, but hey, what do we know.

    He's just getting in character for his part (Roman soldier) in this year's Passion Play.

  12. prommie

    Some incidents that happen in the world are examples which illustrate broader themes, trends, conflicts in the world, whatever, and it is worthwhile to ponder the meaning of these incidents. But some incidents have little more significance than "some shit happened that sucked." This one, meh, maybe halfway between.

  13. elviouslyqueer

    Argument from stabby dude that he was merely defending his right to "peacefully protest" Planned Parenthood in 3…2…1…

  14. SoBeach

    Some of you are probably frail, elderly dads. If someone pushed your daughter to the ground, you would…

    I wouldn't describe myself as elderly. No one would describe me as frail. But my daughter's pusher-downer would still prefer dealing with me instead of her brothers.

  15. smashedinhat

    Two months! And no name or picture, he just disappeared? Everyone has a cell phone with a built in camera right?

  16. Geminisunmars

    Following the theme of the day (and yes, Trump is an abortion, so that qualifies) I gotta say that the anti-abortionists have won. All the conversation is about "even in the case of rape or incest." Wait — as though it is a forgone conclusion that any one has anything to say about when or why an abortion is "permitted". They have successfully shifted the conversation, and I, for one, do not welcome these new terms.

  17. mrblifil

    Why didn't the Dad give any thought to whether a schizo punching his daughter was simply God's will? Seems like the multiple knife wounds are just the price of walking around with insufficient stores of faith.

  18. jjdaddyo

    If someone pushed one of my three daughters to the ground while she was trying to go to the doctor, that dipshit better hope a beat down is ALL he gets.

  19. CalamityJames

    I'm guessing he was a banker. $10,000 says he was a banker. Or he couldn't have possibly known that Dad was a democrat and therefore stabbing him couldn't be considered voter fraud. Where's Trump, we need to get to the bottom of this.

  20. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Yeesh, even when I'm feeling stabby I don't actually stab anyone. Calm the fuck down, dude.

  21. sewollef

    Er, you might be a gentle hippy Becca, but I sure as shit am not. I would happily see this cretin smacked around the head with a 2 x 4 — full of votes of course.

    Damn. This stuff can turn me into Mr Angry…

  22. hagajim

    I will remember when I am 74 and go to hit a shouty nutcase to take my steel walker and beat him down with it….or a golf club.

  23. prommie

    Don't you really have to admit that its not a good idea to try "do it yourself justice" on a shouty nutcase? Derp, call the cops.

  24. CommieLibunatic

    If these are those Christian values I hear so much about, I'll take my chances with the heathens.

  25. Redgyal

    I've said it before and I'll say again. There is a certain group here in USAmerica that has a tendency to respond in extremely disproportionately violent ways to minor issues. And they never get called out on it.

  26. GoatDidIt

    With all respect to "peace, man" proportional response during an assault
    is learned behavior. Our distant cousins have enormous physical strength,
    enough to (for instance) rip off their farting partners' testicles.
    And our human "fighting", stylized by precept and continual exemplary
    behavior, will in fact lead perennial spectators to believe that clear
    thinking and rational behavior, must and cannot possibly not be
    proportional. Except if something goes terribly, horribly, unpredictably
    wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

    WRONG! Every assault carries with it the possibility of major,
    life-changing injury (and of course sweet, sweet death. But not
    necessarily. And it is sad).

    Mr.WrathDaddy didn't see that coming. And that would be the point. If one is clubbed with fists enough, one may draw certain conclusions. One of them may be a knife. Another may be a gun. (And this is actually systemized as the Chicago Way! Oh, Barry…)

  27. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I know Wonketeers may not be the most biblical of people, but how can you forget the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus said "Blessed are the Peace Makers, and if you don't believe me, I'm going to cut you, biotch!"

  28. An_Outhouse

    " if a man pushed us to the ground, we are pretty sure someone should punch that man in the face a bunch of times,"

    It would depend whether we were stoned on acid at the time, and if the pushee was Dave Weigel.

  29. pdiddycornchips

    Crazy people do crazy things. It's best to simply ignore their crazy rants and keep walking, No good will come from confronting said crazies. That includes Donald Trump.

  30. tessiee

    "Like for instance, if a man pushed us to the ground, we are pretty sure someone should punch that man in the face a bunch of times, for the sake of all of civilization. Hopefully it wouldn’t be our Dad, as he is 74, but we guarantee you he would try. Some of you are probably frail, elderly dads."

    My Dad is pushing 80 (or as he says, "getting close to middle age"), but I think it would have gone something like this:
    Me [at dinner table]: Can you believe some asshole pushed me down, just because I kicked his stupid sign?
    Dad [nostrils flaring and eyes getting real big for a second, then calmly]: Be careful who you kick with those Size 11s, Baby. There's a lotta nuts out there. [finishes chewing and swallowing mouthful of veal cutlet, puts fork down, gets up from table] I guess I'll go over to Jimmy Rizzo's store now, and get some cigars.
    Me: But Dad, you're not finished eating dinner. And Jimmy's store is closed now. And anyway, you quit smoking.
    Dad [putting on coat and ruffling my hair]: See ya later, Curly. [disappears for five hours]

    Some time after that, Stabby McChrister would disappear for longer than five hours, during a window of time while Dad was playing poker with at least five or six other old Guidos at the Senior Center full of witnesses, er, people.

  31. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "No arrests have been made."

    When a man is stabbed seven times, it seems to me that maybe — just maybe — the cops have grounds to charge somebody with assault, battery, and/or attempted homicide. Like, maybe, the guy who they know did the stabbing.

  32. HarryButtle

    Speaking as a frail, elderly dad, I think I'm gonna employ my 2nd Amendment remedies and just shoot Stabby McStabbalot right in the fucking face.

    With .45 caliber, 230 grain bullet-shaped votes made of lead.

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