POLICY WONKS  11:01 am October 24, 2012

Florida Genius Protests Obama Taxes By Throwing Money At People

by Rich Abdill

THIS... IS... FLORIDA!Everybody knows Florida politics is serious business, executed by serious people with reasoned and logical beliefs. We should all definitely take them seriously, because they are definitely sane and not at all the opposite of that.

Take Gary Root, for example. The 71-year-old from Naples is less of an activist and more of a yeller of things, but he’s been standing up for his Republican causes in his own way for months now: He gets drunk, goes into Democratic Party offices and yells at them.

Tell Rick Scott he can head back to his lair — there’s a new governor in town, and he’s way better.

But wait! There’s more. Governor Root was arrested last week on trespassing charges, after reportedly barging in, yelling, then throwing a penny, “as that’s all he has left after being taxed by Obama.”

You tell ‘em, Governor Root! From New Times Broward-Palm Beach:

According to the report, Root would continually open the office door and start yelling things about Obama to the workers.

Since apparently yelling at a bunch of strangers wasn’t getting the message across, this time around, he came with a prop. He opened the door, yelled bad things about Obama and taxes, and tossed the penny inside the office.

When the arresting officer explained to Root that opening an office door and throwing things at people inside that office is considered trespassing, Root’s argument was, “No one owns that door.”

YEAAAAHHH! No wonder we elected this guy governor! An inspiring orator (“Mr Gorbachev, no one owns that door.”), sure, but he’s also adopted the crucial Republican stance of being completely ignorant of the facts — of COURSE someone owns that door. It doesn’t matter. Obama is a Marxist, and you can say nobody owns it because YOUR COUNTRY IS FALLING APART.

Likewise divorced from reality: Governor Root’s accounting. Root probably isn’t paying more under Obama than he did under anybody else: The average household tax rate in 2009 was found to be 17.4 percent — far lower than the 21-percent average over the past 30 years, and also substantially lower than the average tax rates under Bush.

But none of that matters! We have to cut Governor Root’s taxes NOW, so he will have more pennies to throw at Marxists, to drunkenly defend our freedom from those who would try to feed the hungry and cure the sick.That Lincoln fella on the front would surely approve.
[New Times]

 

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{ 139 comments }

Loch_Nessosaur October 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

The liquor tax is the only tax this guy has ever paid.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

I bet he's bought gas for his Hummer.

Loch_Nessosaur October 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

I heard he gives hummers for gas money.

nounverb911 October 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

He's Alan West?

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

You may thank me later for leaving a fastball out over the plate.

Loch_Nessosaur October 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

Swoon. I will thumbsie uppie you for all eternity.

Terry October 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

Probably bums money for booze off his kids, so it's really they who are paying the liquor tax.

Barbara_ October 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

I voted last night and wore my "I VOTED" sticker on my blouse as I ran my errands. You'd be surprised how many people asked me who I voted for. I even got a dirty look from a woman when I called Romney a "dick." I said in my loudest voice, "I had to vote for President Obama just to prove that I am not a racist."

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

"I voted for Obama because I wanted to save the ta-tas!"

freakishlywrong October 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

I wonder what she would have done had you called him a "lying dick"?. Take a swing at you?

Barbara_ October 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

That would have been epic., Freakishly.

FlownOver October 24, 2012 at 12:46 pm

You coulda stood your ground.

Goonemeritus October 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

You should have said I voted for Obama because I wanted to stick-it to Whitie

Boojum October 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

I'm voting for Obama because I'm afraid Romney will make me wear underwear.

hagajim October 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

Good on you. I voted last night as well, now I can just ignore all the bullshit on the teevee.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

"I voted for Obama's white half."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

[heart]

glamourdammerung October 24, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I voted last night and wore my "I VOTED" sticker on my blouse as I ran my errands. You'd be surprised how many people asked me who I voted for. I even got a dirty look from a woman when I called Romney a "dick." I said in my loudest voice, "I had to vote for President Obama just to prove that I am not a racist."

You had to vote for President Obama to prove you were not a rapist?

Actually, that kind of makes sense.

ttommyunger October 24, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Every time I go into my favorite biker bar (Mulligans, Marietta, Ga.) I announce that drinks are on me-for everyone who's voting Obama! I have yet to buy anyone's drinks. I do get the stink-eye, though, which is nice…

AlterNewt October 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

This has been a rather odd campaign season.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

Root’s argument was, “No one owns that door.”

No, you idiot! It's "No one BUILT that door." Built!

Loch_Nessosaur October 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

Root's just coming down with a case of Sovereign Citizenry. Oh yeah, and he's just Florida stupid.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

It's a door, which part of a fucking building, asshole. Somebody has to own it.

The stupid is strong in this one.

CrunchyKnee October 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

Root needs to go to the Galt Gultch retirement home.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

Where even the most demented and crippled resident has to fend for themselves

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

Sadly, most of them end up as some other Gulche's supper.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

"No, really Senator! That's the good cat food!"

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 11:51 am

The place doesn't have cable so they have to entertain the orderlies somehow.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

With the southern babtists, so he will be dry gulched.

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 2:28 am

That's quite a name for a roadside Florida canal.

SoBeach October 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

Donating his last penny to the Obama campaign, huh? Guess all the emails got to him.

weejee October 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

Well to understand about who owns the Doors you gotta ♪♫ Break on thru, break on thru to the other side ♫♪

Beowoof October 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

I do believe the door of perception has been repeatedly be slammed against the good Governor's head as he tried to gain some perception.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

People are strange, when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly when you're alone.

eggsacklywright October 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

Getting closer to the Root of the problem. Square Root.

hagajim October 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

Cube root actually.

HempDogbane October 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

I do this all the time. Except instead of yelling it's more like just saying "Thanks" and instead of throwing the penny I just put it in the penny cup. But they know what I mean !

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

Maybe he'd have more money if he wasn't the town drunk. Most of them in this part of America's Dinghus™ blame Obama for all their problems, too, I've noticed.

IncenseDebate October 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

The descendants of Elihu Root sure have gone downhill.

Estproph October 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

Abe Simpson, paging Abe Simpson…

nounverb911 October 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

Does Root keep his other pennies in the Caymans?

DaSandman October 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

The heat boils their brains. I'm not kidding. Did a year long gig there one week and have never met a more stupid and savage group of people then the good citizens of Florida.

Even they admit it.

Loch_Nessosaur October 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

I've been here for 12 years and if I hadn't had such a strong Chicago upbringing I'd be posting on The Blaze right now.

SoBeach October 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Take a few million mule-headed yankee retirees, a bunch of native, redneck crackers, millions of crazed, anti-communist Cuban exiles, economic refugees from all over the country and the world — leave 'em all standing in line outside a Cracker Barrel while their shoes literally sink into the melted asphalt and the sun pounds them like a mallet — and what do you expect?

Terry October 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

Yes, but eating a wonderful grilled grouper sandwich in an open air restaurant overlooking the Gulf of Mexico is heavenly. Only improved upon by a dozen or so oysters.

bobbert October 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm

And, of course, some blind shrimp.

DaSandman October 24, 2012 at 3:51 pm

LOL Genius

sullivanst October 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

Apparently, despite the donut hole being drawn closed, somebody still can't afford their meds.

freakishlywrong October 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

And to think we're not even at peak wingnut.

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

*headdesk*

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

This is a technological breakthru, sadly, that will see America become the world's largest producer and exporter of wingnut. The boffins call it "frikking". What you do is force water deep into a seam of shale and…

Gleem McShineys October 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Shamelessness Shale Sands

There are so many massive reserves of foolishness right here in America that to this day have remained undiscovered. WE'LL NEVER RUN OUT!

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

*weeping*

HistoriCat October 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Peak wingnut is a myth.

Mumbletypeg October 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

ALT-ALT TXT:

"My Other Weapon Of Mass Destruction Is A Real Bayonet"

x111e7thst October 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

penny is the root of all evil

freakishlywrong October 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

How come I know this ignorant knob is collecting SS and Medicare.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

This. I was thinking the same thing. Enjoy your voucher, Root. You deserve what you get.

barto October 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

I hope he realizes that that penny is a tax deduction!

sullivanst October 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

No, political donations are not deductible.

eggsacklywright October 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

Keep fuckin' that penny.

KeepFnThatChicken October 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

Hug a Root, Governor.

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 11:14 am

Mr. Root? IRS Audit department on Line 2 for you.

UnholyMoses October 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

The average household tax rate in 2009 was found to be 17.4 percent — far lower than the 21-percent average over the past 30 years, and also substantially lower than the average tax rates under Bush.

Math is an elitist liberal conspiracy not ordained by God.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

Reality is an elitist liberal conspiracy not ordained by God.

FIFY

Mittens Howell, III October 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

It was a Kenyan penny, too.

freakishlywrong October 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

November 7 is going to be interesting. And by interesting I mean terrifying.

rickmaci October 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

I'll be sitting behind barricaded doors and windows with my friends Remington and Glock watching the inauguration if BHO wins. That's when the weirdness will go into full fury. Liberal have Second Amendments remedies too you know.

GunToting[Redacted] October 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Testify.

HRH_Maddie October 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

I'm picturing the penny incident going a little something like this: http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/5109/arrestedd

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 11:16 am
BigSkullF*ckingDog October 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

That is just … I can't even … what the ……..

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

it was on the same page as the article about Root. Blame Rich – without his link I would have never seen it.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:39 am

You can get your furry flag flying tho.

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

And BOOM, no erections for me for the rest of the year.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

How do you go undercover at a nudist camp??????

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 12:51 pm

And where do you keep your keys?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:17 pm

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

En_Buenora October 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

You didn't build that door!

a_pink_poodle October 24, 2012 at 12:23 pm

"You didn't bu- FUCK!"

But it was too late for a_pink_poodle…

Mittens Howell, III October 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

Let he who is without brains cast the first penny.

mrpuma2u October 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

Nicely done, sir. 543 virtual upfists to you.

UnholyMoses October 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

What's the square root of stupid?

Whatever it is, that's this guy.

Boojum October 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

Mitt Romney is cornering the market on doors.

EatsBabyDingos October 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

Hey teatard, I hear that when Obama is re-elected, they (and it is always a "they") are going to put his head on the penny. Take that, whirled nuts daily!

Lot_49 October 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

My ex-wife lives in Naples.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

Taxes are too high! And get your hands off my social security/booze allowance!

Mittens Howell, III October 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

If Obama lowers our taxes any more we won't have anything left!!

Also, this tinfoil hat is scratchy on my forehead..

SorosBot October 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

Hey, so what if Obama has lowered taxes instead of raised them, the right-wing wants to believe that he's raised them, therefore it is so; just as Obama has sent the ATF/UN thugs to take their guns away despite his having neither done nor said anything about gun control. They create their own reality, which cannot be undone by mere facts.

PsycWench October 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

There you go again, you fact- and information-worshiper. You probably even believe in scientific principles.

SorosBot October 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

I have had right-wing friends tell me, several times, "Obama should have cut taxes in the stimulus!" When I tell them that he did, they just refuse to believe it.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

But by lowering taxes, Obama has obviously raised them. It's called math. And having a drinking problem.

GunToting[Redacted] October 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

And having a drinking problem lead poisoning.

PsycWench October 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

Enough politics, I'm going to Home Depot to pick up some new doors. I figure the price on unowned merch has to be good.

glasspusher October 25, 2012 at 12:35 am

I like to consider myself a home despot

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

What is this, some kind of communistic country where nobody owns the doors?

Chow Yun Flat October 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

Everybody knows Florida politics is serious business, executed by serious people with reasoned and logical beliefs.

Tightened it up a bit.

Mumbletypeg October 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

"This is nothing to sweat bullets over."

–Eric Cantor [R-VA], campaign HQ, Richmond VA.

SorosBot October 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

You know, I'm beginning to think allowing old people to run an entire state (two actually; see also Arizona) may not be a great idea.

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

They're not so much old people as they are straight-up crooks.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

"But I have experien…." *zzzzz*, the old codger did not reply.

Wadisay October 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

I would go down to Romney HQ and do the same, but they only take credit cards.

KeepFnThatChicken October 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

Penny for your thoughts, Republicans.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

What if they don't have any? Refund?

BoatOfVelociraptors October 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

Show me on the tax code where the scary man touched you.

poorgradstudent October 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

That's weird, because I didn't even have a penny left when I tried to pay my medical bills in lieu of any insurance during the time I was unemployed.

Lucidamente1 October 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

I'm surprised he didn't use the stand-your-ground defense.

Chow Yun Flat October 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

Governor Root

In the most recent Detroit City Council elections, one candidate changed his first name to "Reverend" so it would appear on the ballot: Reverend Joe Doakes.

Beach_Bubba_Tex October 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

This is shaping up nicely for a sane conclusion to the 2012 election season.

Allmighty_Manos October 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

"When the arresting officer explained to Root that opening an office door and throwing things at people inside that office is considered trespassing, Root’s argument was, “No one owns that door."

Sounds commie to me.

Lucidamente1 October 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

Does this mean that money is the evil of all Root?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Evil is the money of Root?

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

Oooh, less than 30 minutes to Trumpmas! *snark*

BornInATrailer October 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

'This is the classiest coal you can find."

rickmaci October 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

"For they sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind."

The Rethuglicon's have sown a firestorm of lies, racism and fear continually for four years. This guy is their legacy. If BHO manages to win, they will gone by 2016.

SnarkOff October 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

Granddaddy?

Blueb4sinrise October 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

HAH! Little did Mr. Root know that the door was covered with a thin film of Demo-cooties!!!!!!!!!!!!

fawkedifiknow October 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

I don't know what this "Governor" Root fella looks like, but I'd be willing to predict that he looks and acts just like my state's present governor will look and act like in 20 years.

Yes, I'm from Wisconsin. How'd you know?

prommie October 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

See, its a perfect example of "head asploded syndrome." I said back in 2008 that there would be so many fucktards whose heads will asplode at the thought of a Black President, that it would simply make their brains asplode. Now the only part I got wrong was I thought it would be like Scanners (I am so fucking old), with visible, audible exploding heads and gore and brains and skull fragments flying everywhere. It turns out I was wrong, and the actual asplosion is internal, and cannot be detected, except in the victim's behavior. The brain is completely destroyed, of course, and they turn into gibbering, raving fucking loons. And here is the type specimen, head asploded syndrome, caused by Black President phobia.

FakaktaSouth October 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

Why do people have to make things out of things that don't exist? I just don't understand. Being afraid of something that isn't actually after you, or causing you harm seems like a waste of time. I think the more rational among us would realize our taxes are lower and not want to look like the fucking lunatics we are way deep down inside. I guess "My life is better, but that guy is SO BLACK" just doesn't sound as cool?

prommie October 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Its right up there with "keep the government out of my medicare." You know I am fascinated by sociology, and I am most fascinated by popular delusions and mass follies. Nietzche said that "madness is rare in individuals, but common in societies, nations, governments, organizations, religions" or words to that effect, I learned it from Nietschze Family Circus (http://www.nietzschefamilycircus.com/ The one I got just now was "we have art, in order not to die of the truth). The point is its so fucking true, there is a madness that arises in groups, people who identify by ideology, their identities become so connected with the ideology, that cognitive dissonance prevents them from being able to see acknowledge or admit anything that would disprove their ideology, as this would also negate their very selves. Its actually not stupidity, its a mass mental illness,

BornInATrailer October 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

Who is on the penny, what is he most famous for doing, and who is in the white house?

That's some rich symbolism.

docterry6973 October 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

I think Maricopa County AZ and Naples FL must be the twin epicenters of the angry old white guy earthquake.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

When I get drunk and throw pennies, there's usually a good reason.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 11:51 am

This being Floriduh, he's just lucky that nobody inside felt threatened enough to stand their ground.

Incitefully_Joe October 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

"No one owns that door.”

I dunno, bro, that sounds kinda socialist.

PubOption October 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Property is theft!

HistoriCat October 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Therefore theft is property. Therefore I own this door!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

NO ONE OWNS THAT DOOR!!!1!!1

MegPasadena October 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

In our Southern California phonebank office, we got a hippy instead.
He was all about Obama as bad as Bush, because of drones!
We just told him thank you very much and bye-bye.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Did he at least give you a penny?

schvitzatura October 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

Hope he didn't take that penny from the pennies for everyone stash.

And especially one from the jar for crippled gimp babies…

TribecaMike October 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

Real patriots throw farthings.

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 12:40 pm

"Take Gary Root, for example. The 71-year-old from Naples is less of an activist and more of a yeller of things,"

[pinches bridge of nose in exasperation]
Oh, for the love of…
Hey, wait — I don't have any relatives named Gary Root!
[re-reads]
Oh! Naples, FLORIDA!
Well, OK, then!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

"No one owns that door"

I'm sorry, just, what? Fuck. What now?

"NO ONE OWNS THAT DOOR"

I'm sorry. Today's the day I finally lost my fucking mind. I'm going outside to yell at doors. And clouds.

ttommyunger October 24, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Sounds tame-for Florida.

Baba_NinjaCat12 October 24, 2012 at 11:35 pm

A penny saved is a penny earned. — Benjamin Franklin

My penny being TAXED is a penny thrown at those damn socialist Democrats, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! — Gary Root

glasspusher October 25, 2012 at 12:38 am

All this time and nobody said "That's one Root Mean Square"

…or did I miss something?

Negropolis October 25, 2012 at 2:35 am

"No one owns that door" could easily become "no one has lost any" if you guys want it to be.

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