Florida Genius Protests Obama Taxes By Throwing Money At People

  policy wonks

THIS... IS... FLORIDA!Everybody knows Florida politics is serious business, executed by serious people with reasoned and logical beliefs. We should all definitely take them seriously, because they are definitely sane and not at all the opposite of that.

Take Gary Root, for example. The 71-year-old from Naples is less of an activist and more of a yeller of things, but he’s been standing up for his Republican causes in his own way for months now: He gets drunk, goes into Democratic Party offices and yells at them.

Tell Rick Scott he can head back to his lair — there’s a new governor in town, and he’s way better.

But wait! There’s more. Governor Root was arrested last week on trespassing charges, after reportedly barging in, yelling, then throwing a penny, “as that’s all he has left after being taxed by Obama.”

You tell ‘em, Governor Root! From New Times Broward-Palm Beach:

According to the report, Root would continually open the office door and start yelling things about Obama to the workers.

Since apparently yelling at a bunch of strangers wasn’t getting the message across, this time around, he came with a prop. He opened the door, yelled bad things about Obama and taxes, and tossed the penny inside the office.

When the arresting officer explained to Root that opening an office door and throwing things at people inside that office is considered trespassing, Root’s argument was, “No one owns that door.”

YEAAAAHHH! No wonder we elected this guy governor! An inspiring orator (“Mr Gorbachev, no one owns that door.”), sure, but he’s also adopted the crucial Republican stance of being completely ignorant of the facts — of COURSE someone owns that door. It doesn’t matter. Obama is a Marxist, and you can say nobody owns it because YOUR COUNTRY IS FALLING APART.

Likewise divorced from reality: Governor Root’s accounting. Root probably isn’t paying more under Obama than he did under anybody else: The average household tax rate in 2009 was found to be 17.4 percent — far lower than the 21-percent average over the past 30 years, and also substantially lower than the average tax rates under Bush.

But none of that matters! We have to cut Governor Root’s taxes NOW, so he will have more pennies to throw at Marxists, to drunkenly defend our freedom from those who would try to feed the hungry and cure the sick.That Lincoln fella on the front would surely approve.
[New Times]

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139 comments

  1. Barbara_

    I voted last night and wore my "I VOTED" sticker on my blouse as I ran my errands. You'd be surprised how many people asked me who I voted for. I even got a dirty look from a woman when I called Romney a "dick." I said in my loudest voice, "I had to vote for President Obama just to prove that I am not a racist."

    1. glamourdammerung

      I voted last night and wore my "I VOTED" sticker on my blouse as I ran my errands. You'd be surprised how many people asked me who I voted for. I even got a dirty look from a woman when I called Romney a "dick." I said in my loudest voice, "I had to vote for President Obama just to prove that I am not a racist."

      You had to vote for President Obama to prove you were not a rapist?

      Actually, that kind of makes sense.

    2. ttommyunger

      Every time I go into my favorite biker bar (Mulligans, Marietta, Ga.) I announce that drinks are on me-for everyone who's voting Obama! I have yet to buy anyone's drinks. I do get the stink-eye, though, which is nice…

    1. Loch_Nessosaur

      Root's just coming down with a case of Sovereign Citizenry. Oh yeah, and he's just Florida stupid.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's a door, which part of a fucking building, asshole. Somebody has to own it.

      The stupid is strong in this one.

    1. Beowoof

      I do believe the door of perception has been repeatedly be slammed against the good Governor's head as he tried to gain some perception.

  2. HempDogbane

    I do this all the time. Except instead of yelling it's more like just saying "Thanks" and instead of throwing the penny I just put it in the penny cup. But they know what I mean !

  3. Oblios_Cap

    Maybe he'd have more money if he wasn't the town drunk. Most of them in this part of America's Dinghus™ blame Obama for all their problems, too, I've noticed.

  4. DaSandman

    The heat boils their brains. I'm not kidding. Did a year long gig there one week and have never met a more stupid and savage group of people then the good citizens of Florida.

    Even they admit it.

    1. Loch_Nessosaur

      I've been here for 12 years and if I hadn't had such a strong Chicago upbringing I'd be posting on The Blaze right now.

    2. SoBeach

      Take a few million mule-headed yankee retirees, a bunch of native, redneck crackers, millions of crazed, anti-communist Cuban exiles, economic refugees from all over the country and the world — leave 'em all standing in line outside a Cracker Barrel while their shoes literally sink into the melted asphalt and the sun pounds them like a mallet — and what do you expect?

      1. Terry

        Yes, but eating a wonderful grilled grouper sandwich in an open air restaurant overlooking the Gulf of Mexico is heavenly. Only improved upon by a dozen or so oysters.

    1. actor212

      This is a technological breakthru, sadly, that will see America become the world's largest producer and exporter of wingnut. The boffins call it "frikking". What you do is force water deep into a seam of shale and…

      1. Gleem McShineys

        Shamelessness Shale Sands

        There are so many massive reserves of foolishness right here in America that to this day have remained undiscovered. WE'LL NEVER RUN OUT!

  5. UnholyMoses

    The average household tax rate in 2009 was found to be 17.4 percent — far lower than the 21-percent average over the past 30 years, and also substantially lower than the average tax rates under Bush.

    Math is an elitist liberal conspiracy not ordained by God.

    1. rickmaci

      I'll be sitting behind barricaded doors and windows with my friends Remington and Glock watching the inauguration if BHO wins. That's when the weirdness will go into full fury. Liberal have Second Amendments remedies too you know.

      1. Oblios_Cap

        it was on the same page as the article about Root. Blame Rich – without his link I would have never seen it.

  6. EatsBabyDingos

    Hey teatard, I hear that when Obama is re-elected, they (and it is always a "they") are going to put his head on the penny. Take that, whirled nuts daily!

  7. Mittens Howell, III

    If Obama lowers our taxes any more we won't have anything left!!

    Also, this tinfoil hat is scratchy on my forehead..

  8. SorosBot

    Hey, so what if Obama has lowered taxes instead of raised them, the right-wing wants to believe that he's raised them, therefore it is so; just as Obama has sent the ATF/UN thugs to take their guns away despite his having neither done nor said anything about gun control. They create their own reality, which cannot be undone by mere facts.

    1. PsycWench

      There you go again, you fact- and information-worshiper. You probably even believe in scientific principles.

      1. SorosBot

        I have had right-wing friends tell me, several times, "Obama should have cut taxes in the stimulus!" When I tell them that he did, they just refuse to believe it.

    2. Esteev

      But by lowering taxes, Obama has obviously raised them. It's called math. And having a drinking problem.

  9. PsycWench

    Enough politics, I'm going to Home Depot to pick up some new doors. I figure the price on unowned merch has to be good.

  10. SorosBot

    You know, I'm beginning to think allowing old people to run an entire state (two actually; see also Arizona) may not be a great idea.

  11. poorgradstudent

    That's weird, because I didn't even have a penny left when I tried to pay my medical bills in lieu of any insurance during the time I was unemployed.

  12. Chow Yun Flat

    Governor Root

    In the most recent Detroit City Council elections, one candidate changed his first name to "Reverend" so it would appear on the ballot: Reverend Joe Doakes.

  13. Allmighty_Manos

    "When the arresting officer explained to Root that opening an office door and throwing things at people inside that office is considered trespassing, Root’s argument was, “No one owns that door."

    Sounds commie to me.

  14. rickmaci

    "For they sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind."

    The Rethuglicon's have sown a firestorm of lies, racism and fear continually for four years. This guy is their legacy. If BHO manages to win, they will gone by 2016.

  15. Blueb4sinrise

    HAH! Little did Mr. Root know that the door was covered with a thin film of Demo-cooties!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. fawkedifiknow

    I don't know what this "Governor" Root fella looks like, but I'd be willing to predict that he looks and acts just like my state's present governor will look and act like in 20 years.

    Yes, I'm from Wisconsin. How'd you know?

  17. prommie

    See, its a perfect example of "head asploded syndrome." I said back in 2008 that there would be so many fucktards whose heads will asplode at the thought of a Black President, that it would simply make their brains asplode. Now the only part I got wrong was I thought it would be like Scanners (I am so fucking old), with visible, audible exploding heads and gore and brains and skull fragments flying everywhere. It turns out I was wrong, and the actual asplosion is internal, and cannot be detected, except in the victim's behavior. The brain is completely destroyed, of course, and they turn into gibbering, raving fucking loons. And here is the type specimen, head asploded syndrome, caused by Black President phobia.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Why do people have to make things out of things that don't exist? I just don't understand. Being afraid of something that isn't actually after you, or causing you harm seems like a waste of time. I think the more rational among us would realize our taxes are lower and not want to look like the fucking lunatics we are way deep down inside. I guess "My life is better, but that guy is SO BLACK" just doesn't sound as cool?

      1. prommie

        Its right up there with "keep the government out of my medicare." You know I am fascinated by sociology, and I am most fascinated by popular delusions and mass follies. Nietzche said that "madness is rare in individuals, but common in societies, nations, governments, organizations, religions" or words to that effect, I learned it from Nietschze Family Circus (http://www.nietzschefamilycircus.com/ The one I got just now was "we have art, in order not to die of the truth). The point is its so fucking true, there is a madness that arises in groups, people who identify by ideology, their identities become so connected with the ideology, that cognitive dissonance prevents them from being able to see acknowledge or admit anything that would disprove their ideology, as this would also negate their very selves. Its actually not stupidity, its a mass mental illness,

  18. BornInATrailer

    Who is on the penny, what is he most famous for doing, and who is in the white house?

    That's some rich symbolism.

  19. docterry6973

    I think Maricopa County AZ and Naples FL must be the twin epicenters of the angry old white guy earthquake.

  20. Biel_ze_Bubba

    This being Floriduh, he's just lucky that nobody inside felt threatened enough to stand their ground.

  21. MegPasadena

    In our Southern California phonebank office, we got a hippy instead.
    He was all about Obama as bad as Bush, because of drones!
    We just told him thank you very much and bye-bye.

  22. schvitzatura

    Hope he didn't take that penny from the pennies for everyone stash.

    And especially one from the jar for crippled gimp babies…

  23. tessiee

    "Take Gary Root, for example. The 71-year-old from Naples is less of an activist and more of a yeller of things,"

    [pinches bridge of nose in exasperation]
    Oh, for the love of…
    Hey, wait — I don't have any relatives named Gary Root!
    [re-reads]
    Oh! Naples, FLORIDA!
    Well, OK, then!

  24. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    "No one owns that door"

    I'm sorry, just, what? Fuck. What now?

    "NO ONE OWNS THAT DOOR"

    I'm sorry. Today's the day I finally lost my fucking mind. I'm going outside to yell at doors. And clouds.

  25. Baba_NinjaCat12

    A penny saved is a penny earned. — Benjamin Franklin

    My penny being TAXED is a penny thrown at those damn socialist Democrats, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! — Gary Root

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