this is my sorry for 2004

Washington Post’s Premier Romney-Licker Jennifer Rubin: Why Does Mitt Romney Keep Apologizing For America?

everyone needs to give the ol' robin a slap now and again
Cartoon Romney sidekick Jennifer Rubin has determined, thanks to a Romney ad she saw, that Barack Obama did so apologize for America over and over and over again to the point that nobody is even sure if he was actually president or just some hip-hop artist obsessed with apologizing.

What sorts of apologies did Barack Obama lodge on America’s unwilling behalf? (Was America raped with apology, giving birth to God-blessed Obamunism?)

I will focus on two major apologies that have been deliberately and forcefully delivered by the president and/or top aides.

The first is our handling of the war on terror. Liberals don’t even see that Obama’s excoriating his predecessor is apologizing for this nation, but of course it is. George W. Bush wasn’t acting as a private citizen, and whatever he actions he took were done in the name of the United States.

So, when Romney spent every moment of the campaign until Monday saying Obama was the worst President on foreign policy ever, one assumes he was apologizing for all the terrible things we have done. After all, Barack Obama wasn’t acting as a private citizen, and whatever actions he took were done in the name of the United States.

Obama and his secretary of state also made a written confession of this nation’s past faults to, of all places, the United Nations. As I reported in September 2010:

The administration created a stir in April, when a spokesman for the National Security Council reported on a meeting between Obama and Kazakhstan’s President Nursultan Nazarbayev: “Both presidents agreed that you don’t ever reach democracy; you always have to work at it. And in particular, President Obama reminded his Kazakh counterpart that we, too, are working to improve our democracy.” Despite pleas from groups like Human Rights Watch to use the meeting as an opportunity “to raise concern about Kazakhstan’s disappointing human rights record and to press for immediate improvements,” Obama viewed this as simply one more chance to confess America’s sins.

Likewise, the administration last month presented its “Report of the United States of America” to the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights. This exercise is overseen by the infamous U.N. Human Rights Council (UNHRC), whose main preoccupation is vilifying Israel. The Obama administration confesses to such offenses as the disproportionately higher rates of unemployment in America among minorities.

That was some gangbusters reporting, Rubes. You seriously reported the shit out of Obama’s recognition of America’s social and economic issues. You got up in that document and quoted and just fucking left it in the bed smoking a cigarette wondering if it would ever be reported like that again.

It won’t.

I wonder if Mitt Romney spending two years talking about how Barack Obama basically destroyed America, made us into a less free nation, talking at length about “Obama’s Failures” on foreign policy make him an apologist? Oh, wait, no, Barack Obama isn’t really American, so Mitt Romney is actually a super-patriot.

Keep on not-apologizing, Mitt Romney! This nation needs you to prevent the detonation of the explosive device that Jennifer Rubin replaced her soul with if it goes off in a populated area. If you lose…people die.

[Right Turn]

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160 comments

  1. ph7

    George W. Bush wasn’t acting as a private citizen, and whatever he actions he took were done in the name of the United States.

    I fondly remember the day America choked on a pretzel and passed out.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        Didn't the whole country get wood when America gave a surprise backrub to the chancellor of Germany?

        1. HistoriCat

          Merkel was acting as the chancellor of Germany at that meeting, so America was actually giving a backrub to all of Germany.

    1. iburl

      Does that also go for Bill Clinton making Monica Lewinski into his cigar humidor? Never apologize! That was AMERICA staining that blue dress.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      I always felt that was *me* enjoying the expert ministrations of young Monica Lewinski under the desk in the oval office.

      [Edit: me, iburl, and all of America, God Bless Us.]

    3. Esteev

      I fondly remember America stuffing its crotch to appear happy about ending a war that went on for a few more years.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Actually I printed it out at work yesterday after Wonkette Operative "Terry" posted in Wonkville. Headline included:

      "Jennifer Rubin Lives in a Fantasy World Entirely Unrelated to Reality."

      Given that description fits any sampling of numbnuts getting pilloried at snarkers' bidding, Rubin's latest is just grist for the mill.

      1. asterixaverni

        "Excoriating" shit, bitch uses big words, huh?

        Is the rethugligan delusion genetic or is it like syphilis?

    2. La_Cieca

      The reasonable assumption is that after 20 years spent drafting memos defending movie studios against labor claims filed by interns, she somehow screwed up and was forced to resign from a cushy California law firm. So she moved to a gated community in Virginia and played at being a stay at home mom for a while. Within a year she exhibited clear qualifications for being a right-wing blogger (i.e., indefatigable hatred and willingness to work for peanuts) and worked her way up that ladder to the Post where they'd just had to fire the third or fourth guy on the "loon" beat for coming to work drunk and pissing in the water cooler or something.

      A further reasonable assumption is that she keeps the job despite glaring conflicts of interest, howling errors of fact and a tone of unvarying maliciousness because Fred Hiatt, the WaPo's editorial page editor, is a ravening Zionist and so forgives Rubin all her sins because she might in some small way contribute to the proliferation of nuclear war in the Middle East, which, as we all know, is Good For israel.

  2. actor212

    Liberals don’t even see that Obama’s excoriating his predecessor is apologizing for this nation, but of course it is. George W. Bush wasn’t acting as a private citizen, and whatever he actions he took were done in the name of the United States.

    Jennifer Rubin is a pitiful example of a blogger.

    There, I just apologized for blogging. Who's with me?

    1. noodlesalad

      Whatever she has done, she has done on behalf of the internet. And I, for one, will never apologize for free pron.

  3. Goonemeritus

    “Both presidents agreed that you don’t ever reach democracy; you always have to work at it.”

    In our case we are working really hard to be less democratic.

  4. Lascauxcaveman

    I wrote this story awhile ago that proves Barack Obama is a pathetic, sniveling apologist, unfit for leadership. In fact, allow me to excerpt from that article:

    …this story … proves Barack Obama is a pathetic, sniveling apologist

    I rest my case.

  5. Loch_Nessosaur

    …in the name of the United States.

    …in the name of the United States of Jesus H. Christ.

    FTFY

  6. hagajim

    I think excoriating is the least we can do to Bush….should be much, much more. Maybe we can hire the Oregon stabby man?

    1. RedneckMuslin

      Now, now. Since he's been handed over to the Hague,…..uh WHAT?! Not yet? You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me!

  7. skmind

    Obama viewed this as simply one more chance to confess America’s sins.

    Right there you know it is made up. Obama is a Muslin, not a Catholic. Muslins do not go to confession.

  8. Lucidamente1

    "President Obama reminded his Kazakh counterpart that we, too, are working to improve our democracy.” To which President Nazarbayev replied, "Is it true Jennifer Rubin is fourth best prostitute in all country?"

  9. Wadisay

    Clear indicators of a healthy level of self-esteem are the beliefs that:

    1. You never did anything wrong, ever;
    2. If you did, you don't acknowledge it, ever;
    3. Never actually say, you know, "I apologize"; and
    4. When called out, become belligerant.

    Print these out and carry them in your wallet, should you ever get into an automobile accident with Jen Rubin.

    1. bikerlaureate

      It's amazing.
      No true American is allowed to say that the USA has any faults, or has ever done anything wrong. Unless his last name is Romney.

      Can we just emphasize here, for readers in other countries, that most Americans consider positions like that to be delusional?

    2. MegPasadena

      Also, since when admitting your own short coming is apologizing?
      I thought only you are confident and mature enough that you own up your fault.

  10. SexySmurf

    The Obama administration confesses to such offenses as the disproportionately higher rates of unemployment in America among minorities.

    President Romney would never confess to that. Or acknowledge that. Or care about that.

  11. Mumbletypeg

    Romney hit it out of the ballpark, touting Massachusetts test results as #1 in the country. Romney headed off the Obama interruptions without batting an eye.

    If the accidental word association isn't lame enough, consider how flat-out WRONG this hag's above conclusion is.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      And often – for reasons I simply will never understand – a very short haircut. It doesn't really help.

  12. mavenmaven

    Much like most religious cults, you are only truly American if your comments reflect only the hardest right extremes at all times.

    1. BadKitty904

      Truly.

      "To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."

      ~Theodore Roosevelt

  13. Hammiepants

    Boy, what a wacky world these people live in. I bet they can't even make a fucking sandwich without dissembling about it.

  14. noodlesalad

    Whatever actions the dumb white president took were in the name of the United States. Whatever actions the black muslin president were in the name of Commie Nazi Politically Correct Sociamalism. Der, people.

  15. Kid_Charlemagne

    I know whenever I traveled overseas during W's Presidency, I ended up apologising to people.

  16. Oblios_Cap

    Only in America can an untalented hack like Rubin have a high-paying job slinging shit while way too many highly skilled people are sitting on their asses, unemployed!

    Is this a great country, or what?

  17. Estproph

    I think we can now develop an English-Rubin phrasebook, which should help us better understand what the fuck her columns actually mean.

    For example, "we, too, are working to improve our democracy” in Rubin means "I am sorry America exists." Some more common phrases: "America should have a balanced foreign policy" in Rubin means "Israel should be destroyed", "Americans need a fair tax structure" means "I hate rich people and I want to drink their blood", and "healthcare for everyone is a concern" means "kill all the rich people and take their organs." "I want to be a better person" has no translation in Rubin.

  18. sullivanst

    I can't believe these fucking drooling morons with absolutely nothing whatsoever of interest or any semblance of intelligence get paid to write this shit. I can't fucking believe it!

  19. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Rubin is the complete neocon harpy. I'm sure Fred Hiatt hired her just to make the rest of his freakshow look better by comparison.

    Feel free to join me in the comments each week when she asks her "Friday Question."

    Why does Jennifer Rubin get a paycheck from the Washingon Post?
    ~

  20. MissTaken

    I'm so glad I live in such a mature, adult country where acknowledgement of past mistakes makes us a bunch of weak pussies. Nevah forget, nevah apologize!1!!

    1. SorosBot

      Hell, this is a country where certain people even think acknowledging that slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans were bad is somehow anti-American. Fuck those people.

  21. SorosBot

    But for any president who followed George W. Bush to fail to excoriate him would be truly a heinous, monstrous action considering what an evil horror he was.

  22. starfanglednut

    This is obviously a huge deal (if in fact Hopey did apologize), cuz apologizing when you have been wrong is a sign of weakness, and never admitting it a clear indication of moral strength. Christ, these people are morons.

  23. Kid_Charlemagne

    In her defense, Obama *was* fond of wearing a satin baseball jacket during presidential trips that said BARRY BAMZ APOLOGY TOUR 2012 on the back.

  24. PuckStopsHere

    I would never apologize for America, no matter how embarrassed to death I might be that we had for 8 years a president like Shrub and are thinking even only now of putting an even bigger sociopath than him in office. I really wouldn't.

  25. An_Outhouse

    Nursultan Nazarbayev is a criminal who pass out oil leases to the west in exchange for millions in bribes. Jennifer Rubin is a stupid cunt.

  26. Not_So_Much

    Public Service Announcement: DO NOT CLICKETY CLICK AND READ THE COMMENTS OVER THERE! YOUR BRAINPAN WILL ESSPLODE!

    You're welcome.

  27. OneYieldRegular

    I have yet to see Barack Obama "excoriate" anyone, much less someone as deserving as George W. Bush.

  28. SayItWithWookies

    Even worse, our apologizing president is still at it — why last night at dinner, he said "pass the salt," intrinsically apologizing for the blandness of American steaks. When will the oppression stop?!

    1. TribecaMike

      No amount of catsup could ever cover up the sins of a cheap flank steak. I think Noam Chomsky said that.

  29. Incitefully_Joe

    George W. Bush wasn’t acting as a private citizen, and whatever he actions he took were done in the name of the United States.

    So, Jennifer Rubin is a monarchist, is what she's saying. Suddenly everything makes sense.

    Edit: She also apparently sucks at writing, or has a terrible copy-editor. I'm going to assume the former, and shudder at the thought of this column before a copy-editor got ahold of it.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Rubin is a monarchist. Every time she lies back and takes one deep (shudder the thought!) she exclaims "For King and Country." Or could that be "cuntry"? I'll let her answer that one.

  30. Antispandex

    Sould have just come right out and said that Bush was the worst President in history. Less confusion.

  31. elviouslyqueer

    Would someone please change Jennifer's diaper? It's full again, and starting to smell a tad rank.

  32. Esteev

    So when McConnell said that he wanted to make Obama a one-term president, what he meant was Obama should become dictator?

  33. prommie

    This passage, this one right here:
    "That was some gangbusters reporting, Rubes. You seriously reported the shit out of Obama’s recognition of America’s social and economic issues. You got up in that document and quoted and just fucking left it in the bed smoking a cigarette wondering if it would ever be reported like that again."
    More like that, please. Maybe even some elegant bondage? Some tasteful submission is always nice, too.

  34. Tundra Grifter

    After reading the alt.text on that picture – is it better to slap the Robin or spank the Monkey?

    PS: It wasn't a slap – it was a beauty treatment. It does, however, give Wonkette a chance to post another "Airplane!" clip.

  35. kyeshinka

    I think America should apologize for Nixon, the Ford Tempo, and Wilson Phillips' second album and just be done with it.

  36. rickmaci

    "George W. Bush wasn’t acting as a private citizen, and whatever he actions he took were done in the name of the United States."

    Which makes him fully liable for his violations of US law and the Geneva Convention. And Barack Obama continues to apologize for or cover up the War Crimes of George W. Bush. As Willard Milquetoast Romoney suggested, war criminals must be arrested and turned over to the World Court so they will prosecuted for their crimes.

  37. Chet Kincaid_

    Do you know how many times Mitt's security team has caught Jennifer Rubin riding one of their horses in the middle of the night with a blonde wig on? Not enough to take her off the payroll, apparently. Deleting "my husband" from her manuscripts keeps the WaPo copy editors on their toes, though.

  38. hillarysleftone

    I know who Sally Quinn had to blow to get a gig at the Post, wonder who got/gets the hummer(s) from this other fucking moron?

    I can't explain her continued employment any other way…

  39. FlownOver

    Jennifer, you ignorant slut: it follows, does it not, that if anyone ever changes any of Barry's policies, that person will be "apologizing" for America.

  40. tessiee

    Jennifer Rubin should shaddup and stick to making sammiches.*
    `
    `
    `
    *ya see what I did there? Rubin sammiches? Huh?

  41. zumpie

    She's such a creepy creeper—whenever she's on MSNBC my skin crawls as she opens her mouth.

    Speaking of which Nepotism Cunt Luke Russert subbed for smug, not so secret Republican Chuck Todd this AM. Not only was this creepy lady part of his "panel", but also not so secret wingnut, why in the world does HuffPost give him a voice JOn Ward was, too. I turned off my TeeVee. If I want Teabagger blatherings, I can watch Faux or CNN.

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