people who supposedly want to be senator

GOP Candidate Richard Mourdock: Why Can’t Dames Understand That Rape-Babies Are God’s Precious Gift?

Howlin' madHey, you know what’s tricky? Putting together a coherent philosophical system that reconciles belief in an omnipotent but also loving God with indisputable evidence that bad things happen to good people. And it can be frustrating when you’re running for Senate and someone at a debate tries to trip you up with a “gotcha” question that forces you into philosophical weeds that have baffled great thinkers for millennia. You know what’s even trickier and more frustrating, though? Getting raped and then getting pregnant as a result of getting raped! You know what’s not tricky at all? The decision of, “Hmm, will saying that your rape-baby is a part of God’s plan be good for my election campaign, or bad for it?” The correct answer is: bad. Do not imply this to people who might want to vote for you. Oh, wait, you already did it, Richard Mourdock? Oh, dear, that might not work out so well for you!

When we last heard from Richard Mourdock, the Tea Party dude who primaried Dick Lugar and therefore moved Indiana from a safe Republican Senate seat to something resembling a toss-up, he was busy recording hostage videos for every possible outcome of the Obamacare Supreme Court decisions. This was important because it proves that he believes in the concept of free will. After all, if God just moved us around on like pawns on a chessboard, then surely the devilish Obamacare would have been struck down, or never passed by Congress, or never even thought up by Mitt Romney in the first place, or something! National Federation of Independent Business v. Sebelius is evidence of mankind’s sinful, fallen nature!

Wait, where were we? Oh, right, rape! Mourdock had a debate with his opponent yesterday during which this happened:

Mourdock, who’s been locked in a tight race with Democratic challenger Rep. Joe Donnelly, was asked during the final minutes of a debate whether abortion should be allowed in cases of rape or incest.

“I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize that life is that gift from God. And, I think, even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happened,” Mourdock said.

Mourdock further explained after the debate he did not believe God intended the rape, but that God is the only one who can create life.

“Are you trying to suggest somehow that God preordained rape, no I don’t think that,” Mourdock said. “Anyone who would suggest that is just sick and twisted. No, that’s not even close to what I said.”

So, again, Mourdock is actually trying fairly earnestly to thread the needle of this philosophical position, which goes like this:

  • Rapist’s decision to rape you? His free will, not God’s fault, not God-approved.
  • Rapist’s sperm’s success in hooking up with an egg and making a preborn human in your womb? Entirely under God’s control, as he weaves the gift of life inside your body.
  • Your decision to have an abortion? Your free will, not God’s fault, not God-approved.

You know who might have little to no interest in this theological musing, though? People who have been raped and gotten pregnant from it, or people who have been raped and went through some agonizing time wondering if they were going to be pregnant, or people who worry about whether they or someone who they care about might be raped and pregnant, or just people who care more about alive women than about clusters of cells inside said women! Those people might be receptive to the response of Mourdock’s opponent, who said that he didn’t believe that “my God, or any God, would intend that to happen.” What a communist! Like there’s more than one God. Anyway, enjoy Mitt Romney and Mitch McConnell and everyone else who’s publicly backed Mourdock squirming around and distancing themselves from him without actually de-endorsing him over the next two weeks. [AP]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    "Oh, you shouldn't have!"

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "SURPRISE! Happy 'nine months to birth' day!"

  • Texan_Bulldog

    But, but, but Todd Akin told me you couldn't get pregnant from rape. I am confoozed.

    As an aside, I know a woman conceived from rape. Her mother was 'nice' enough to tell her that & the woman (conceived from rape) is a horrible, miserable person. Maybe Momma should have kept her yap shut because that's not a fun burden to carry your whole life.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      I agree. EDIT: It is a real dilemma though, because a child is probably going to want to know who their father was at some point. I'm sure it has to do with when the person is told, and how the parent treats the child up to that point.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        I agree that it is a dilemma. The mother also had the option to take the story to the grave with her so as not to lay that shit on her daughter. I guess it's up to the family dynamics, and this family isn't exactly the Huxtables.

        • eggsacklywright

          Why is gott creating these dilemmas? Gott seems to be a specialist is this arena.

          • LibertyLover

            Gott is a trickster… otherwise, he wouldn't have also planted dinosaurs and other evidence of evolution to make us go… "whaaat the f*ck?"

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            Here's hoping Mourdock gets badly gore on the horns of a dilemma of his own making.

          • LibertyLover

            If there is a Gott, then he/she/it won't let Sourdock get elected.

          • HistoriCat

            Dinosaurs were real – you can see how they interacted with humans at the Creation museum! I'm not sure on all the details about why they died out but if it's in a museum it must be true.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Teach The Exhibit.

          • Yellerdawg

            Strange how such imposing creatures never got a mention in the Bible. Ox's, Asses, pigs, doves, fish, shellfish, camels, sparrows, rams, snakes, lions, ad. infinitum, but not one pterodactyl. David killed a lion and a bear with his slingshot, and not a tyrannosaur or fire breathing dragon? What a wuss.

          • HistoriCat

            For the sake of your sanity, do not google "dinosaurs in the bible".

          • Yellerdawg

            whispers <did they really find Dino in the bible? I thought it was just a cartoon.>

          • Biff

            Hunted to extinction. Delicious!

        • BerkeleyBear

          It is all about context. Because only finding stuff out after all the people who hid the truth from you are dead can rock your bearings in life too, making you second guess all your relationships and connections and what you thought you knew about the people who supposedly loved you. Like my friend who thought for years that his mother was nuts (and she is certifiable) and had problems with him because his father had died, only to find out that at least in part her resentment was because a) he was adopted and b) his father had basically only stayed married to her crazy ass because of him. Really messed with his head not to be able to talk to the sources who should know the story best.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

          I'm pertty sure my mom told my sister when after she turned 18, and she turned out okay; at least, that was the point at which she told me and asked that I not tell my (then 15 year old) sister.

          I don't want to sound glib and compare it to telling children that they're adopted, but I think it really is good and appropriate to let a child know at some point, but only when they're mature enough to understand what it all really means.

          Which, for some people, might suggest never telling them, to be honest.

          But overall, I'd say that vastly more damage was done by Dan Quayle going on the teevee saying that our mother was the antichrist, for choosing single parenthood over an abusive, rapey spouse.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Interesting point. I suppose you could tell the kid that the father's died, or better, disappeared and never will come back, the miserable bastard.

        Either way, you fuck the kid up for life.

    • LibertyLover

      I do think that it would depend on how you told the child.

      For example, if you used the information as a weapon and told the child every time that you were miserable that she was a child of rape and that you never wanted her anyway and it ruined your life, it might just have a different effect on her than if you told your child yes, you were a child of rape but I love you more than I can ever say…

      Resentful people don't make the best parents in the first place.

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        And that is the best case scenario you can get if you keep the child. They are always pushing adoption as an option, but then you have to live through giving the child away and waiting with the spector of that child re-appearing 20 years later to have its life destroyed by that information. All to say 100 cells that under other scenarios could be deemed cancer from their fast growth.

    • HELisforHEL

      It was God's plan for her to be a miserable, unhappy person with a fucked up parent, can't you see that? So it must be good, because God=Good always!

  • One_who_wanders

    Mad Dog Murdock libel.

    I have a punch in the nuts gift from god (with votes) for this scum bag.

    • mrpuma2u

      Beat me to it darn it… always trying for the A team references when ever possible. This guy is in fact "Howlin' mad" Mourdock. He loves it when a rape plan comes together….just none of that plan B shit, can't thwart the will of gawd.

      • One_who_wanders

        You are, of course, correct. I was so pissed at the Tea Bagger that I lost my mind.

        Completely OT: I have known two people who were known as "Mad dog.'

  • Lucidamente1

    Indiana GOP nominating Richard Mourdock: part of God's plan to deliver Richard Lugar's seat to the Democrats.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      The Eloi vote will deliver a message that Morlocks suck

  • jaytingle

    He can't believe that g-d approves of ass-rape since that's where ho-muh-seck-shuls come from.

  • SorosBot

    But the Republican War on Women is just a Democrat Party myth!

    • Esteev

      It's not war if Congress doesn't approve it. IT'S IN THE CONSTITUSHUN!!1!

      • LesBontemps

        So it's the Police Action On Women?

        Hawt.

        • Esteev

          Baton down the snatches.

          • YasserArraFeck

            or "baton up the snatches", if that's how you roll

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Mitt must get elected, first.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      How can a woman vote for these Repub miscreants?!
      (Or a man who loves women.)
      And since when did rape, (RAPE!), become a ho-hum, catch-all crime?

      • HELisforHEL

        I have no idea myself. All the lady-parts people my age should know better by now that the republican party is more comfortable with Taliban-worthy treatment of us than not.

    • spareme

      Mittens,Akin,and this guy – I think they coined the most popular sexytime myths as well as these myths they are spinning now:

      "Don't worry, I'll pull it out"

      Don't worry, I won't put it in"

      Don't worry, I won't come in your mouth"

  • EatsBabyDingos

    So if the rapist is a follower of Mohammad, is the gift from Allah? Because that would be bad, right?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Damned ululating babies!

    • Radiotherapy

      So it is written.

    • Esteev

      Those aren't gifts, they're drone targets.

    • eggsacklywright

      I've had it with all these sperms on this mullahfucking plane.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And makes the victim a "houri"

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    God can be a motherfucker sometimes…

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      This sums up the past several thousand years of world history pretty well, actually.

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        As an atheist, I surmise you're mistaken. Humans own this fuckup, free and clear.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          And invented G_d to be the perfect scapegoat.

          We humans sure didn't do the big guy any favors, did we?

    • SorosBot

      Well since Jesus was somehow both his god himself and his son at the same time, in the case of Mary that must have been so.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        If the Catholics think suicide is a sin, Jesus is going to Hell, also.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I think he did, for a couple days, and then … came back? Isn't that part of the story?

          Put much stock into the Apostles Creed? That's one line we always heard during mass that gave this Catholic boy pause, at least when I was awake for that part.

          • HELisforHEL

            I just mumbled everything, so I have no idea.

      • noodlesalad

        This kind of blew my mind, I won't lie to you.

      • eggsacklywright

        Or just a multiple-personality disorder.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Gentlemen start your rapin'.

    • eggsacklywright

      So, the wimmens just need to carry around a caution flag to get things under control.

  • SorosBot

    It looks like Mourdock has some Santorum on him.

    • Biff

      Also, Sharrrrron Angle:
      "I think that two wrongs don't make a right. And I have been in the situation of counseling young girls, not 13 but 15, who have had very at risk, difficult pregnancies. And my counsel was to look for some alternatives, which they did. And they found that they had made what was really a lemon situation into lemonade." –Sharron Angle, explaining why she is against abortion even in cases of rape or incest, July 8, 2010

    • Biff

      All I did was quote Sharrron Angle, and i got the dreaded banhammer.
      Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    It's the thought that counts.

  • noodlesalad

    These people really do see every little thing that happens as a struggle between Satan and baby Jesus.
    Satan: I'm going to make this person rape this other person!
    Baby Jesus: Well, I'm going to give the victim a baby!
    Satan: Well, I'm going to make sure the mother suffers from PTSD and struggles raising a child she was not prepared to have, ensuring they both continue to suffer for years!
    Baby Jesus: Wait, I was busy designing a new sub-species of finch to fuck with the evolutionists. What did you do?
    Satan: I'm going to make this other bad person rape this innocent person.
    Baby Jesus: Oh boy, more babies!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      It's a game of Rock-Paper-Rape Baby.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Jesus, he's naive.

  • bfddad

    Does God preordain legitimate rapes? Because that's a whole other story then.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Mourdock must think he is running for Pope.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      At least that would keep him the hell out of US politics. Oh, wait…

    • eggsacklywright

      Popists usually rape boys, so no babby, no problem.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Wrong color shoes for that gig.

  • asterixaverni

    How do assholes like this keep getting elected? Are people really that stupid?

    Oh… yeah.

    • freakishlywrong

      It's the (R). He could do the raping himself and then abort the baby live on stage, and they'd still vote for him.

    • eggsacklywright

      Well at least he's not a negro type.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “Are you trying to suggest somehow that God preordained rape, no I don’t think that,” Mourdock said. “Anyone who would suggest that is just sick and twisted. No, that’s not even close to what I said.”

    Actually, that's exactly what you said, you sick fucker.

    I think the most amusing part about the whole thought process is how the fundies insist we all have free will but have to follow god's plan. But none of that resembles "fate" in any way, shape, or form.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Thought process libel!!!!!

    • elviouslyqueer

      How dare you suggest that what I said was actually what I said. HOW DARE YOU!

    • Goonemeritus

      Fucking Calvinists and their predestination.

    • PugglesRule

      Another case of "I'm sorry YOU misinterpreted my completely innocuous comment."

  • One_who_wanders

    I am so happy the GOP has officially decided they want a theocracy. It allows me to despise them more cleanly.

    • PugglesRule

      So much easier when you're positive about the bad guys' motives.

  • Terry

    Old Mittens endorses some really "interesting" people.

    • Loch_Nessosaur

      Makes the magic undies look not so weird.

    • eggsacklywright

      Bishop Rmoney moves diagonally.

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        When the Mormon Bishop is captured, he goes to a different chessboard.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      "Olde Mittens" would make a great old-timey name for Beelzebub.

      • LesBontemps

        But Olde Mittens prevent the Old Scratch, no? Or maybe Olde Mittens are hol(e)y and therefore allow for the Old Scratch? Theology is hard.

      • James Michael Curley

        Or an after shave for seniors.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Hey Mitt!
      You lie down with dogs, you get fleas!

  • kyeshinka

    This is Indiana; just the name Mourdock is enough reason to vote for him, even with the faggy Celtic spelling.

    • RomneysLogCabin

      Faggy… really?

      • kyeshinka

        Yeah, that was a bit much.

    • Terry

      His last name is an Anglicization of the family name Mordor, taken from their place of origin.

      • PugglesRule

        Is his middle initial S, for Sauron?

    • barto

      Indiana went for the blah last time around, doncha know…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Just barely. And our former pretend boyfriend over at 538.com says it's mostly due to an overwhelming ground game fueled by a bunch of Chicagoans just plain organizing the shit out of the IN Dem party in 2008.

  • kyeshinka

    This is great news, although now I feel bad about putting away my Jerry Sandusky shrine. People thought I was weird.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Real men have a Jimmy Savile shrine.

  • IncenseDebate

    What do theologians say about the hypothetical if Todd Akin ass rapes Dick Mourdock? My view is it's God's will.

    • eggsacklywright

      If Gott has a will, does that mean he also has a won't?

      • Geminisunmars

        Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?

    • HistoriCat

      No, no – God doesn't want the rape. However, he the anal chapping is totally His will.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Mourdock is just looking for more dick. Or more cock.

  • Toomush_Infer

    You're missing the point – Life with a capital L is "from God (with a capital G)….all other life, like the lifey kinds of life, those are from man (no capital), and don't amount to much….This is the big point Murdouch is trying to make, except that women (no capital) are just too dumb to listen to him. It's like Art – once signed by a Master and hung on expensive walls for a hundred years and fought over by high roller investors as an alternative to capital, then it's Art with a capital A – all the other stuff is just art – worthless. These are highly developed Republican principles….

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Actually, I think you've nailed it. You need to run, not walk to the nearest Repug campaign office, because they need you to articulate their idiocy for them.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    So if someone beats Richard Mourdock with a baseball bat. Just horribly whack-a-moles him (I know, mole libel) about the head, neck, and shoulders and Mordar Mourdock's IQ of 82 plummets to -75. Then in that bit of karma, that it was actually Jebus who was doing the whacking? God must just love these clear thinkers, since s/he made so frickin' many..

    • HELisforHEL

      You mean hit with him votes, I believe?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Yes, Jesus loves me
    In a rapey kinda way…

  • Arkoday

    Lemme see if I get this. God waits for the rapist to leave, then starts to weave his magic in the hoo-hah.
    Far be it from me to tell god what to do, but maybe he should instead weave some fucking intelligence for the drooling idiots who actually vote for assholes like Mourdock.

  • magic_titty

    God has a plan. And it is not Plan B.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Well played.

    • eggsacklywright

      It's plan RU 486.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Or Plan 9 from Outer Space.

    • elviouslyqueer

      But we know for certain that it's a cunning plan indeed.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        You calling Mourlock a cunning linguist?

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Mourlock wouldn't know a cunning plan if it were sitting on his face.

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        Sod off, Baldrick!

  • Esteev

    I'm beginning to suspect that the GOP isn't firing on all cylinders.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Beginning to suspect? So, how was your 30 year nap?

      • Esteev

        It was quite refreshing. But I think I want to crawl back into bed…

    • GemlikeFlame

      What was your first clue? The GWB administrations? The Tea Party? Sarah Palin?
      Santorum? Corsi? Eriksson? Bachmann? O'Donnell?

      Please organize these by descending relevance and intellectual competence, and show your work.

      • Esteev

        They are all equally irrelevant and stupid.

        • GemlikeFlame

          Well, at least they're on a level playing field.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      They are, but it's not a V-6. It's a 6-shooter.

      • Esteev

        They should refrain from doing anything below the hip.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      No, they leave that for the rapists.

      • YasserArraFeck

        or the rentboys

    • sullivanst

      Also a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Which is unfortunate, because they're out to lunch.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Hoisted by their own petard.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    After the debate Mourdock when out and raped 5 women (and 2 men) just because he could.

    • Esteev

      Murdock is God's gift to women.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        And men, it would seem.

  • Lucidamente1

    To be fair, Mourdock was going to say that rape babies represent the cunning of reason, but he got it mixed up with divine will.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Fumbled attempts to apply the theology underlying Holy Words is why most Teatarded, Wingnutty and Fundiemantalist Christians avoid actually reading and deciphering most of their Bibles. Ask any of them which passage is the source for "Let Go & Let God"; "The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways" or "This Little Light I'm Gonna Let It Shine" and they will beat themselves up for not knowing the chapter and verse.

    • freakishlywrong

      And don't forget, Mumblety, the Teaturds are only about fiscal issues.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Mysterious Ways is from Achtung Baby 8:4:04.

    • Barrelhse

      Revelations 4:20 might help them.

  • freakishlywrong

    Anyone else just cold getting sick of this fucking shit?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Just another two weeks.

      This was clearly a coordinated effort to put some distance in the Presidential race as well as in the Indiana senate contest. Romney tied himself to Mourdock (so did Ryan) and despite his backpedaling, has the shit all over him too from the fan.

      • freakishlywrong

        actor, you're naive if you think this shit will end when Bamz gets re-elected. No. It'll be four more fun-filled years. Fun-filled with hate and bullshit.

        • Negropolis

          With the difference being an unbound president. So, let them to continue to release the crazy. The gloves are off. Obama doesn't owe them, shit, anymore. Not even the appearance of shit.

          Don't want to raise the debt ceiling, again? Well, this time, call a special session and lock their asses in the Capitol 'til they get a deal done.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            I like the way you think.

          • JerkCade

            Isn't it lovely to think so?

          • 102415

            Exactly, sir or madame.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I go back and forth between being appalled that either this is what this guy thinks, or two – that he doesn't give a rat's ass about it but this is what works with his would-be constituency, so he says this, which means that there are TONS of fucking assholes like this guy is pretending to be. AND just, who the fuck do these people think they are, just who the fuck? MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS? IS THAT SHIT IN THE BIBLE? Just, mind your own fucking business and stop using tragedies to build your fucking careers.

      • Geminisunmars

        Watch out Fundies. Fakakta is about to explode.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      The coming Democratic landslide should shut them up for awhile.
      (Call me a glass half full girl!)

    • HELisforHEL

      Yes. And yes. And please for fuck's sake, may Barry beat Mittens, despite the republican attempts to suppress votes/lie/cheat/steal (AKA 'just another day at the campaign HQ').
      I hate them. I hate them all with the heat of a thousand suns.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    How DARE you imply that words that fell out of my mouth were things that I said!!!

  • Esteev

    Do these Congressmen get all their theology from a slice of burnt toast?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Yes, but if you look carefully at the toast and in the correct light, you can see an image of the Babby Jeebus, his mother, and Joseph the Cuckold One, and in the corner there are three wise guys and shepherds loving their sheep. So it is all there.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      A burnt preacher. Ted Haggard comes to mind.

    • FNMA

      Of course not. It was a grilled cheese sandwich.

    • James Michael Curley

      And posters held up by rainbow haired clowns at sporting events.

    • Oblios_Cap

      My Avatar resents that!

  • Goonemeritus

    I don’t think it’s very nice of God to be planning all these rapes.

    • PugglesRule

      Obviously that is Vengeful God planning the rapes. Old Testament God. Not Loving God (aka Jesus), the New Testament God, the one who told people to love one another. Rape is not loving.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "God is the only one who can create life."
    I thought the guy with the pipette looked familiar. Didn't recognize him without the beard.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      I had the same problem with Tom Cruise after Katie bailed

    • PugglesRule

      So God is actually a reasonably attractive, youngish British bloke?

    • HELisforHEL

      Yeah,and all those Its-A-Real-Live-Fully-Formed-Baby!!!!!11!!1!-cells that get discarded when folks go for artificial insemination…repugs don't mention that, because, BABIEEEEESSSSS!!!!!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Oh, they mention it all right. That's why they want to give "human rights" to every zygote.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'd like to propose an experiment: we lock Mourdock and Akin in a prison shower, and let them experience what it feels like to have a man twice his size pin him down, hold a shiv to his throat and penetrate his butthole over and over again.&sup1;

    Then they can tell me about illegitimate rape, K?

    &sup1; and no, not "with votes". With throbbing hard cocks.

    • Esteev

      What a vivid picture you paint.

      Might I add: Hear, hear!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        This story makes me stabby all over.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      That's probably their secret fantasy.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Read any William Burroughs lately?

      I dunno, just askin.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I ran out of peyote, so no

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      I'd like to propose we stop posting richly detailed rape ideations intended to show how much we hate rape.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        It's not an ideation. It's a legitimate proposal. You know, "walk a mile in their shoes" sort of thing

        ETA: Giving your comment more thought, bowdlerizing the experience gives aid and comfort to assholes like this who can flippantly toss off comments like "rape isn't legitimate". To underdescribe the event allows them a fig leaf, in other words, a conceptual escape door.

        I wasn't graphic enough, I think now.

      • SorosBot

        Don't you know, joking about rape is perfectly OK when it's prison rape! Who cares if it's a horrifying real crime that authorities regularly turn a blind eye to, adding to the monstrously inhumane conditions in America's prisons that most people find perfectly acceptable, because prisoners are "bad guys" and so horrific abuse of them is OK, prison rape is funny! No matter the reality, or how offensive those "jokes" really are.

    • PugglesRule

      *sits on hands to keep from bringing Jerry Sandusky into this*

  • jodyleek

    I'z in yer yooteris, maykin yer rape babby!

  • eggsacklywright

    If he's right, then gott is an asshole. This does not bode well.

  • BornInATrailer

    This God fellow appears to be an asshole.

    • Esteev

      Sadly, it's a conscious decision; by his followers.

    • sullivanst

      Well, a wise man did once say we create God in our own image, so, yeah.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Voltaire, the patron saint of snark.

        • sullivanst

          Apparently, Aristotle. Voltaire's quote was a slight variant ("If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.")

  • smitallica

    Seriously, GOP. Just stop talking about sex in any forum. It's clearly just not your thing.

    • One_who_wanders

      Same thing for the churches – especially the Catholics.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Dear Penthouse: I never thought this was God's plan for me, but…

      • thatsitfortheother1

        You won't believe this but the guy, Richard Mourdock (not his real name) was the rapiest guy of them all…

    • viennawoods13

      Pres Bartlett: Didn't they attach a family planning rider to the highway bill last year?
      Josh: They did.
      Pres: What's with these people? They can't stop talking about sex.
      Toby: If they can't be havin' it.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    I'm almost starting to think that Todd Akin's rejoinder of, "Rape babbies never happen because biology, so if the lady got pregnant that means the dirty slut secretly wanted it." might have actually been the voice of the enlightened, moderate, and politic wing of the Republican Party.

    • sati_demise

      the baby is further proof that she wanted it, and it was not really a rape, of course.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

        Which, to extend this logic to its really-quite-obvious next step, means that rapists should be allowed to sue their victims for paternity rights.

        But really, they should honestly be gentlemen about it instead, and just marry their rape victims, just like it commands to do in the Bible.

        • Negropolis

          I'm laughing, but it's nervous laughter, because I could actually see some senator drafting such a bill.

        • bearperney

          Please, any lawyers out there, correct me if I am wrong, but, I suspect that rapist-forcible sperm depositors do have paternity rights.

          • BerkeleyBear

            It can get really weird. For example, if the victim is married, any child of the marriage is legally presumed in some states to be the child of the husband unless he takes steps to disavow it, actual paternity notwithstanding (it is a money/estate thing, really). There are definitely cases of women suing rapists for child support and/or inheritances for the offspring, which implies a duty that should also carry some rights. However, in any sort of custody issue (where such rights would really matter), a judge would be hard pressed to grant anything to a convicted rapist as being in the best interests of the child. A victim would also have a strong case for having any arguable parental rights terminated based on the nature of the events leading to the pregnancy.

          • shelwood46

            This came up when Akin made his statement. Some states have laws automatically severing parental rights with a rape conviction, many states don't address it at all. Of course, even where that exists, a rape conviction is needed. While custody is unlikely, rapists like suing for visitation since it's another way to screw with the woman's head.

          • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

            "Rapist-forcible sperm depositors" makes it kinda sound like a sperm bank. Only, without the woman getting to choose the donor. Or to get pregnant at all.

    • sullivanst

      In a way it's marginally more mature than Paul Ryan's application of playground rules to sexual assault: "No bruises, no rape".

  • Goonemeritus

    I have been told by many Conservatives that Obama is raping our Country. Maybe they shouldn’t be aborting his policies as they too could be God’s plan.

  • Negropolis

    Well I'll be damned. Welcome, Senator Donnelly.

    • sullivanst

      Not so fast: Indiana, plus also too apparently Joe Donnelly co-sponsored Paul Ryan's "forcible rape" bill.

      So, as Dave Weigel put it: "You've got a Republican candidate who believes that life starts at conception and won't make allowances for abortion, and a Democrat who believes that life starts at conception and HEY LOOK OVER THERE."

      Sometimes life is really depressing.

      • Negropolis

        Oh, god. I knew he was rather conservative. I didn't know he was this oconservative. How disappointing.

  • Radiotherapy

    Also, if the women gets an STD during rape she shouldn't be treated because it's god's will.

    • Mojopo

      Further, if the baby has a congenital birth defect that could be corrected with surgery, Obama and modern medicine have no right to tamper with God's will. I want the government to stay out of my suffering!

      • docterry6973

        By the same logic every illness and broken bone must be God's will. So medicine is a TOOL OF THE DEVIL!!! And every earthquake and volcano is God's will, so no science. And every traffic accident, so no stoplights. Jeez, mankind just can't stop rebelling against God's will.

      • HELisforHEL

        "I want the government to stay out of my suffering!"

        This is the republican/tea party mantra in a nutshell.

    • LesBontemps

      Life begins at infection.

  • Gorillionaire

    I guess everyone in that state has a jerb, then?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Life is a fucked up reality show. God and Satan sit there with an Infinite Popcorn Bowl, laughing.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You make them seem like two different entities.

      • FNMA

        Don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk.

        — Tom Waits

        • BerkeleyBear

          Insert Robin Williams riff on God getting high and inventing the platypus.

    • LibertyLover

      How do you tell the difference between the two?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I tell better jokes.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I posted this thought at my blog today:

    It's an interesting trope to believe, to be frank: by allowing for degrees of rape, you immediately deflect any challenge from people whose feelings about abortion are more flexible and compassionate than yours. You basically take compassion out of the argument by claiming, in effect, "she had it coming."

    It doesn't matter if she was pinned to the ground by a man twice her size, had a knife held to her throat and brutally assaulted, penetrated over and over again: if she got pregnant, she wanted to have sex.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    (It's weird but, refresh-jockey that I am, it sometimes appears that a comment of mine gets thumbed up before anyone could possibly have the time to read it. Since I'm on a train right now, it's probably a Relativity thing.)

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You seemed more animated today.

    • Mojopo

      I give another upfist just to mess with your mind.

    • IncenseDebate

      It's God doing it. Accept it.

    • Radiotherapy

      Continuum….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Comments are born with one upfist. It's a gift from God.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I know that, it's the second one I'm talking about.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        ISWYDT you imp.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Original Win.

    • Goonemeritus

      I’m very liberal with my upfists.

    • James Michael Curley

      I saw that train in Back to the Future III.

    • sullivanst

      It's the internet, upfisting on sight is going to happen. It's like bad weather, if it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        "if it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it."

        So it's sort of like rape, then?

        • sullivanst

          Claytie Williams is as concerned about upfisting without consent as he is about rape.

    • Pat_Pending

      It's because you're more upfist-y than the rest of us.

  • Mojopo

    Hurricanes, car wrecks, rape babies. And I'm supposed to say thank you?

    • FNMA

      And don't forget, he always fucks the Eagles in the playoffs.

      • LesBontemps

        God gave us Michael Vick?

        • FNMA

          Further evidence that God has a very weird sense of humor.

          • LesBontemps

            Must hate dogs.

          • Geminisunmars

            Dogs are dyslexic.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            So that's why they think they run the universe!

        • SorosBot

          I blame the Mormon god; damned Andy Reid and his inability to properly manage a clock.

    • eggsacklywright

      Yep. On yer knees, believers. Give thanks for the horrors of life.

    • HistoriCat

      Do you really want him to leave another message? He's waiting for you to call him back.

  • Negropolis

    Nice. Nice.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Impregnate Mourdock!
    Or whatever the equivalent is.

  • RomneysLogCabin

    Fox Spin: Doctor's study suggest women can wash the rape away in a bath drawn over frankincense and myrrh.

    • YasserArraFeck

      If the rapist leaves the gold on the nightstand, it's not really rape, is it? It becomes business. And the 'Tards are all about business.

  • Radiotherapy

    And what about anchor rape babies?

    • TribecaMike

      They miraculously self-abort.

    • JerkCade

      I nominate this for the Genius Question of the Week Award!

      If no such award exists, I move we start one.

      • Radiotherapy

        And you're not allowed to shuck and jive the question.

  • BornInATrailer

    I wonder how many levels the rapist/rape victim will vs. God's will goes?

    If the rapist wears a condom to prevent pregnancy, that is rapist's will?
    But if the rape-condom has a manufacturing defect in it that allows sperm to pass… God's will? Plus more God's will for fertilization?

    If the rape victim forgets to take her birth control pill, that is victim's will?
    But if she remembers and it just fails… God's will? Plus more God's will to make the condom break? Plus even more God's will for fertilization?

    It's like "Inception" if Roman Polanski directed!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Predestination goes in; free will comes out. Who can explain it?

      • Gleem McShineys

        Apparently you can try to explain it, but then you have to immediately backtrack, and claim you didn't.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      I'm pretty sure that the modern religious-right perspective the gravest sin in the above scenario is the use of contraceptives by either party, rather than rape per se.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Poor Dick Lugar. He serves in the Senate for 108 years and then gets booted by a Taliban-worthy Tea Partier, and simply because he allowed his party to encourage such extremism. The good Lord moves in mysterious ways, I guess.

    • IncenseDebate

      Dick Lugar would be an awesome porn name.

      • BerkeleyBear

        And if the rumors around Indy are true, it would be a gay porn name.

    • BerkeleyBear

      I don't know how much allowing he was doing – he did work with Obama in the Senate (on getting the treaty ratified and other nuke issues, while admittedly and disappointingly walking the party line on just about everything else) and he certainly didn't go out stumping for nuts like Christine O'Donnell. He actually lost in part because he decried the TP in 2010 and refused to say he'd do their bidding – he won't even endorse Mourdock now, so he's not being that much of a quiet little soldier. So I'll give him a pass on how the party left him.

      Now that I think about it, I'm wondering if he'll play ball with the President in the lame duck to avert the fiscal cliff/get a sweet post-Senate gig.

      • BoroPrimorac

        He may have worked with then senator Obama on some legislation, but once it became president Obama, Lugar forgot they were ever senate buddies.

      • OneYieldRegular

        You're right – he was certainly not a Tea Partier, and that's largely what did him in. I wish, though, that someone with such misgivings would seriously call out the party on what it so irresponsibly has allowed to fester.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I struggled with it myself for a long time

    The goddamn hell you did.

    If your struggle with the violence of a rape is equivalent to God's glory, clearly you're not a vagina owner. And your god is an asshole.

    • SorosBot

      You know who actually struggles, Mourdock? Women who have been raped. Not condescending fuckheaded men who think they should be allowed to make womens' decisions for them.

  • Negropolis

    Poor, poor Turtle McConnell. Not only is his plan to make Obama a one-term president less likely to happen, but he's pushed his beloved Senate further out of Republican reach.

    • HELisforHEL

      I hope so. That turtle belongs in a soup.

      • Negropolis

        Honestly, it's not about hoping. The Republicans are not going to take the Senate. Game over. In fact, it was really pushed out of their reach when Akin won his primary. It's REALLY not a real possibility, now.

  • SorosBot

    "God is the only one who can create life."

    No, actually, any fertile woman can create life, with a little assist from some sperm. As can all other female animals, and the female parts of plants which reproduce sexually. And those animals, plants and fungi which reproduce asexually can all create life on their own, as can all the protozoa, bacteria and archaea which reproduce via mitosis or binary fission. In fact, all life can create life; that's kind of a big part of the definition of what life is. You moron.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Pshhh! Science!

    • Esteev

      My head hurts.

    • HELisforHEL

      Stop it! Don't try and trick me with your sorcerer's ways!

  • sati_demise

    Gods plan for her, now with court appointed child support payments.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Yes, because rapists are always served their justice.

      I could eat a fucking tree right now, I am so fucking angry.

    • PubOption

      So, I assume that Mourdock would approve of the woman going to church and taking her child support from the collection.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    God's quite the asshole isn't he?

    • YasserArraFeck

      it's 'cos he's a dang Joo!!

      Unlike Jeebus, who's a Christian…..

  • freakishlywrong

    We REALLY need to figure out how to get men pregnant. This shit would stop on a dime.

    • HELisforHEL

      And universal healthcare/contraceptive and reproductive rights/early childhood development/head start/good schools/reasonable college costs would be the law of the land.

  • Negropolis

    They've lost their ability to self-filter. It is something simultaneously beautiful and horrifying, like a too-close exploding star or an aborted attempt at a Britney Spears comeback.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I suspect that if this bearded all powerful white feller named god had a plan then one would think that he would make many of his most ardent followers a lot less dumb.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      …or this all-powerful white feller would show the fuck up every once in a while and demonstrate how delightful and powerful his justice is.

  • Not_So_Much

    Why do you people insist on taking his own words, totally in context, to use against him?

  • Snarkoluffagus

    The GOP should change their name to the grand ol rape party!!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      GORP?

      • Snarkoluffagus

        Maybe, possibly GORP, but i think at this stage the rape will be implied. GOP we'll rape you now and later!!

      • YasserArraFeck

        GORPorations are people!!!

        The Supreme Gourt said so…..

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    So, God was asking for it?

  • Negropolis

    How is babby formed

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Not sure I even want to know how you arrive at the point where this current crop of Republicans start from — sane people cannot elect these creatures.

  • Negropolis

    Look at this. Recent polls show Warren pulling away in MA, Murphy pulling away in CT after it getting too close for comfort, North Dakota still a toss up when it shouldn't be, Arizona actually looking like it may send a Dem to the Senate, McCaskill looking to keep her seat, an independent up in Maine who will probably caucus with the Dems, and now what was already a toss up in Indiana looking like it'll end up with Donnelly. Crazy.

    • bearperney

      Please God, let it happen!

    • BerkeleyBear

      And yet somehow, none of this is evidence (to the "experts") that Obama has coattails. Like any of these people are even close to competitive without his policies. Yes, the crazy-train comments haven't hurt, but if Obama was really as despised in Red America as the Fox Noise machine claims then no amount of self-destruction would matter. They'd just make it a referendum on him the way they did to Pelosi in House races in 2010 (ie how Joe Walsh beat Melissa Bean with no money and no brain).

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Yep.
      Have faith, people! Have faith!

    • HELisforHEL

      I hope so. And yes to Murphy, may he please keep this overpriced slice of the country safely in blue. It's one of the only good things about living here.

      We certainly don't need that sack of shit McMahon wasting air in the Senate.

    • http://wonkette.com NorbertsRevenge

      Plus Dems could squeak out both Virginia and Montana which did not look good a few months ago, also too.

  • LibertyLover

    If life begins at conception, does that mean that if a person of the illegal persuasion gets preggers in this country while they are here working, does that make the fetus a full American citizen and entitled to run for President in 35 years?

  • LibertyLover

    I have an idea!

    Why don't we leave it up to the woman as to whether or not she wants to carry the pregnancy to term in the case of her being all raped and all? And you congress critters stay the f*ck out of a medical decision?

    • Geminisunmars

      What a radical idea.

    • HELisforHEL

      HAHAHAHAHA
      You want we of the vagina-bits to think for ourselves? Can we even do that?

  • dennis1943

    Just when the laughter from the rest of the world had begun to subside………

  • BeefHardcake

    I ain't gettin' on no plane, Romney!

  • sullivanst

    Yeah, so, guess which Senate candidate was the very first this cycle to receive a video spot featuring Mitt "my policy is to say I support exceptions for rape and incest when I ban abortion, but I'd be delighted to ban it with no exceptions" Romney?

  • LibertyLover

    You know, it would be one thing if these GOPers would then somehow give access to some sort of financial and/or emotional support as this "child of rape" is forced to come into this world…but no, you get raped, you have a forced pregnancy, and you have to go to work to support this "blessing".

    What a fair deal.

  • Esteev

    Is Murdock saying he's pro-rape? That could get him into hot water.

  • Pat_Pending

    And this is why I'm an atheist. MY WILL.

  • schvitzatura

    Pretty soon, Dick Mourdick is going to be asserting his and the other GOP male aristocrat's right of droit du seigneur/jus primae nocte, aka "first night".

    It only makes sense, right?

  • mavenmaven

    Unfortunately both him and Akins will win and then the GOP will adopt a pro-rapey platform because winning.

  • mavenmaven

    So if God makes a Mexican woman have a baby in the US, does that mean that its God's will that the child be an American baby? "Anchor babies from God"?

    • bearperney

      You betcha!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Only if she's raped by a Real American™.

  • Weenus299

    Howling Mad Mourdock! From The Spay Team!

  • MosesInvests

    And here I thought H.G. Wells' "The Time Machine" was science fiction-turns out to have been prophecy.

  • TootsStansbury

    I caught sight of a fundy wagon this morning. Romney and pro life stickers abounded. Ir pissed me off. Ima gonna start carrying around cans of stewed tomatoes. I see these stickers? Plop goes a tomato, on the windshield.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      For more fun, consider that one more sticker probably would not be noticed for some time.

      • LePiston

        Maxipad on the grill.

  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    God needs to review his job responsibilities. Seems like a shirker to me.

    • HistoriCat

      Pish – God is the CEO. He just makes a few vague statements and then has his underlings make things happen. Now hurry up and get your status report in!

      • HELisforHEL

        He's a job creator!

  • docterry6973

    Mourdach still has Romney's endorsement, and today he got support from Sen John Cornyn of the great state of Texas, who graciously helped keep this story in the news cycle for another day.

    American Taliban.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Ways to know you are fucking crazy:

    Mitt Romney would rather talk to Donal Trump about birtherism than meet with you.

    Mike Pence has to distance himself from you as being insensitive and extreme.

    Todd Akin gives you the stink eye.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Every rape is sacred?

  • BoroPrimorac

    Fuck the women in Indiana and Missouri who are going to vote for Akin and Mourdock. Hatred for a black president shouldn't supercede common decency.

    • HELisforHEL

      But sadly, it does.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Sort of by definition.

        • BoroPrimorac

          It's kind of built in, isn't it? God, I was so high when I wrote that this afternoon.

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

    I wonder what his views are on prison rape.

    And if those views will change after he gets convicted for corruption or solicitation.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    oh and awesome, this AM mourdoch is standing by his statements while romney et alia flee like girly men.

  • Schmegeg

    Thank you Mourdock, for actually telling the truth about your opinion. Something more than Mittens, anyway.

    And, nice suit. Off the rack at Sears, B1G1?

    And thank you God. Next year, please just send a card.

  • Gleem McShineys

    Dick 'dock, time's almost up!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    If the prodicts of iñcest* are a gift from God, then it stands to reason that so is Richard Mourdock.

    * (mah comments keep gettin moderated)

  • ttommyunger

    I'm no great fan of the Dems, but really, is there any Rethug Candidate that isn't a total dick or nut bag?

  • jzgplj

    You know if you follow their logic, a pregnancy from an act of rape is really a gift from the devil, don't ya think?