DONALD TRUMP LOVES DIVORCE GUYS  5:20 pm October 23, 2012

Trump ‘Bombshell’ II: Michelle Hates Barry, Wanted A Divorce

by Jesse Taylor

there's a reason we used a brown egg and not a white one

We revealed earlier that Donald Trump will probably tell us all that Barack Obama was the Kenyan Ricky Ross tomorrow, but there is a second, equally credible bombshell that Donald Trump will also probably embarrassingly reveal to absolutely no impact tomorrow: the Obamas once considered divorcing.

With his trademarked humility and circumspection, Donald Trump recently boasted he’s about to announce huge news about President Obama, and one rumor has already been reported: “Douglas Kass, a Florida-based investor who appears on CNBC’s talkshow ‘Squawkbox’ where Trump is often a commentator, tweeted to his 48,000 followers: ’High above the Alps my Gnome has heard that Donald Trump will announce that he has unearthed divorce papers between the Prez and his wife.’”

Michelle reportedly thought [Obama's 2000 Congressional campaign] was a bad idea, and a new book, Ed Klein’s The Amateur, claims that the stress of the defeat and resulting debt brought the couple to the brink of divorce.

In his book, Klein cites a friend of Michelle Obama who says, “Michelle actually had divorce papers drawn up.” Could those papers have been sitting in some file cabinet all these years? Could Trump’s people have somehow gotten a copy of them?

So, during a difficult time, Michelle Obama might have wanted to divorce Barack, but then didn’t, and now they’re the fucking Huxtables.

This utter humanization of attractive black people with perfect children is sure to sink Barack Obama’s campaign. We’re really hoping that the bombshell is something much less objectionable, like Barack Obama masturbating furiously onto pictures of 9/11 then sending cellphone pics to Jeremiah Wright.

[National Review Online]

 
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{ 381 comments }

I_P October 23, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Michelle, call me.

/Maybe?

MinAgain October 23, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Dude.

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Now that is crazy.

DahBoner October 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Too soon?

NellCote71 October 23, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Barack, you have my email address.

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

He's mine!!11!!1

marinmaven October 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Barack has my address and he is emailing me almost every single day. If he isn't Michelle is. I gotta have a chance. I LOVE Michelle's arms.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

*GASP*

actor212 October 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Hey, if BarryO could phony up a birth certificate, how hard is it to get a lawyer's letterhead and phony up a separation letter or some such?

bibliotequetress October 23, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Donald could fake a divorce paper from memory.

Tundra Grifter October 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

This bombshell blows up in Multiple-Choice Miffed face. Donald Chump channels Duh Gov' and tries to make a major event all about himself.

This is good news for Mr. Obama.

rickmaci October 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm

"Donald Chump." LOLOLOLOLOLO.

102415 October 23, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Donald Chump. Thank you.We need to keep typing this.

mrpuma2u October 23, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Thank goodness the Donald is defending the institute of marriage, which he clearly believes in, as he has reaffirmed those beliefs again and again and again….

NellCote71 October 23, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Just like Newt pontificating on the sanctity of marriage.

freddymcmurray October 23, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Just like grandpappy R-Money, except he didn't have to get divorces in between his reaffirmations.

Schmannnity October 23, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Highloader bucket of Trump divorce files to follow.

PuckStopsHere October 23, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Has Trump ever been with a woman who did not file divorce papers on him?

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

His mother? I mean, I assume he had one and all…

Veritas78 October 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Well, she did eject him from her womb, so that's at least a separation.

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Now, I think he filed those papers when his wives violated their pre-nups by turning 40.

hagajim October 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Only one so far – give it a year.

edgydrifter October 23, 2012 at 5:25 pm

By staying together and working through their issues, the Obamas are making a mockery of traditional divorce.

teebob2000 October 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I know what they're talking about now: gay marriage WILL increase the number of divorces. Because then there'll be gay divorces.

Lascauxcaveman October 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

There used to be an expression "gay divorcee" but it just meant a straight divorced lady out looking for a good time.

Those really were simpler days, weren't they?

James Michael Curley October 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

But were they?

In Bringing Up Baby with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn (1938) the story line has him walking around in her very feminine bathrobe.

Mrs. Random: Well, you look perfectly idiotic in those clothes.
David Huxley: These aren't my clothes.
Mrs. Random: Well, where are your clothes?
David Huxley: I've lost my clothes!
Mrs. Random: But why are you wearing *these* clothes?
David Huxley: Because I just went gay all of a sudden!

And an earlier use (1920 ish) is in the story "Miss Furr & Miss Skeene" by Gertrude Stein.
Quite often also with references to things like 'being together and being gay'. But no overt sexual descriptions.

Maman October 23, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I loved that movie. Did you know that Ginger Rogers had to do everything that Fred Astaire did but backwards in heels?

One_who_wanders October 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Some people. . . .

Chet Kincaid_ October 23, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Winningness.

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

I believe traditional divorce is between a Gingrich and his cancer stricken wife.

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Or McCain and his maimed one. Or Limbaugh or Trump and their over-30 ones.

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 9:31 pm

John Edwards libel!!

sullivanst October 24, 2012 at 9:05 am

Now, now, he didn't divorce her, he just cheated on her like true shitbag.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 9:41 am

Now, now, he didn't divorce her, he just cheated on her like a traditional shitbag.

FIFY

Maman October 23, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Can you really say you have had a real marriage if you haven't considered divorcing your spouse at least once?

UnholyMoses October 24, 2012 at 10:09 am

This.

The Mrs and I have considered it twice, but came out stronger each time.

So, yeah. Typically traditional.

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

Possibly not. I'm sure my DH has considered it at least once, and I know I have. We've had a few occasions (okay, years) where everything seemed to go wrong between us, but we managed to stick them out. Seriously, if everyone in the USA who ever "considered" divorce was interviewed, the line would stretch from the Oval Office to Kansas City. I read a great tidbit recently about a very old couple who'd been married 70 years. Someone asked, "What's the secret of your long marriage?" The elderly husband replied, "Nobody left."

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

You have won these here internets, today.

Chet Kincaid_ October 24, 2012 at 12:20 am

+236?! Christalmighty, that must be a new record!

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 7:48 am

They're just waiting for the kids to move out, then it's curtains!

sullivanst October 24, 2012 at 9:09 am

I saw a +396 once, from an irregular commenter, which led to her having like 165p, although strangely that comment is no longer in her history and she's now got a mere-mortal pness.

Barbara_ October 23, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I am sure that Melania Trump would never want a divorce. I am sure that she would much prefer to be a widow.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I'm pretty sure Melanoma wishes she was a widow already. That girl's earnin' a mighty hard dollar…

Lascauxcaveman October 23, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Maybe she should form a support group with Calista, Rush's wife, all their exes, and Trump's etc. They'd have to have a pretty big meeting space.

Tequila Mockingbird October 23, 2012 at 6:18 pm

True fact: “Melania” is Slovenian for “get that wrinkled penis off of me.”

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 6:29 pm

good to know. I always learn so much by reading teh wonketz.

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

It is my primary source of information, which explains a lot now that I think about it.

BlueStateLibel October 23, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I'm sure that's the game plan.

gingerland62 October 23, 2012 at 6:46 pm

..along with the rest of us.

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:01 pm

what mrs trump has ever wanted anything short of widowhood ?

102415 October 23, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Remember that old Marla gal?

Jeffer October 24, 2012 at 12:10 am

It's not the penis. It's that crazy comb over he does with his pubic hair.

Jus_Wonderin October 24, 2012 at 6:22 am

Oh Barb, that is a round the world "SNAP"!

elviouslyqueer October 23, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Due to a potent (if fortuitous) combination of bananas and Greek yogurt for lunch, I plan on giving exactly no shits about this news.

Redgyal October 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Dairy products clog me up too. I will be thinking about you as I have a couple of prunes.

Toomush_Infer October 23, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Uncle Obama…..

weejee October 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Truly appreciate that input eq.

Mrs. weejee and I are oldes, and oldes do have cliche conversation topics. That said, we have made a solemn vow to each other that when we start talking about our pooping habits we will simply shoot each other.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

For some of us, that diet would have the complete opposite effect.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Truly, this is PROOF POSITIVE of how far the Kenyan Usurper lags behind red-blooded AMERICAN Defenders of Marital Sanctity, like Trump, Gingrich, Limbaugh, et al.

Pres.Beeblebrox October 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Needs moar Clarence Thomas-officiated weddings.

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 5:47 pm

And Elton John singing "Here comes the bride."

AnAmericanInTO October 23, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Don't forget Saint Ronnie!

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm

And John McCain and Rudy Gi9/11iani.

fuflans October 23, 2012 at 8:35 pm

is it just me or are things looking up?

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I'm afraid to jinx it by saying so out loud… :0/

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Indeed. I've been knocking on wood all day.

*male wonketeers: insert penis joke here.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Something something erect something something that's what she said.

LibertyLover October 23, 2012 at 5:28 pm

This bombshell is brought to you by a man that has how many ex-wives?

elviouslyqueer October 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

AOT, K.

Blueb4sinrise October 23, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Is this why Michelle has been sending me all those emails?

NellCote71 October 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Sure explains my emails from Barack.

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 6:17 pm

They sound urgent, too.

An_Outhouse October 23, 2012 at 6:36 pm

thread winner!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 12:28 am

But she keeps demanding money, the hussy.

Dr_Zoidberg October 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

My god! You mean…a married couple under stress were acting like a married couple under stress?!!

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

Who knew this might one day lead them to the White House and Donald Trump's eternal scorn??

Crank_Tango October 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I blame gay marriage.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I blame the Chinese.

bloggingbalkanistan October 23, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I blame the gay Chinese

Beowoof October 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Hey the gay Chinese gay guy I know thinks Trump is an asshole.

MinAgain October 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I blame the teachers union.

Geminisunmars October 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I'll just stick with the usual culprit: Obama.

NellCote71 October 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I don't think they had gays back in the early 2000s, much less gay marriage.

Designer_Rants October 23, 2012 at 7:31 pm

MSNBC created the gay agenda.

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 6:18 pm

You mean Obama's double-secret muslim gay wedding-ring marriage, right?

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Oh grief, knowing Trump, there's a substantial chance that it really could be the "hey his wedding ring proves he's moooooooozlim" utter BS. That's the kind of unbelievably lame crap he deals in.

Toomush_Infer October 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Well, doesn't he have to do something like stamp his feet, twirl around three times and sprinkle fairy dust while saying "I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you", before he can proceed to the stoning?…(I'm so bad on religious observances, Muslin or other)…

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:36 pm

I blame man on dog marriage.

emmelemm October 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Leave LeeLoo out of it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 12:34 am

It's not my fault she is so toungy.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I can't belive it's not butter! Oops, wrong thread.

Blame Canada.

viennawoods13 October 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Hey.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 12:35 am

Celine Dion, man. Celine Dion.

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 2:56 am

Don't you dare let them get away with denying Justin Bieber, either.

MinAgain October 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

That's the best Trump's got? I feel the need to point out that the Right's darling, Ronald Reagan, was divorced from his first wife.

Crank_Tango October 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Yeah but he never got ALMOST divorced, probably.

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Ironically for the patron saint of union busting, Jane Wyman cited her husband's "distracting" Screen Actors Guild duties as her main reason for seeking a divorce.

Terry October 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Probably distracted by a b.j. from an actress, more likely

Toomush_Infer October 23, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Other than Jane, who (I'm told) was known as the Hollywood Queen of B.J.'s, and that's saying a lot….

MosesInvests October 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Uh, that was Nancy, actually-and probably the actress to whom Terry was referring.

Lascauxcaveman October 23, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Lucky gal got out, at least.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

And married Nancy because of his pure, undying love for her and her total lack of a gag reflex…

102415 October 23, 2012 at 7:04 pm

And she was knocked up.

orygoon October 23, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Sadly, I feel the need to point out that all the Reagans were white.

MinAgain October 23, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Touche`.

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:03 pm

and married his second one cause she was preggers . that would be nancy , former bj queen of hollywood ….

102415 October 23, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Damn. I should have kept scrolling.

Barrelhse October 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm

And Jane Wyman was a much better person than Nancy ever thought of becoming.

LibertyLover October 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

No wonder Bamz is against enforcing the DOMA…. it makes (multiply-) divorced people so unlikeable.

Callyson October 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

So, they had some marital issues and almost broke up, but then worked things out and stayed together? Oh yeah, he's definitely losing the election now.

/FFS

mavenmaven October 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Bad news for Newt Gingrich!!!

EnnuiThereYet? October 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Barack Obama has only had one wife. Real Americans have at least two or three. Just ask Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich, John McCain or Ronald Reagan.

Dudleydidwrong October 23, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Don't forget that exemplar of marital fidelity, Rush Limpballs who is (pardon the expression) on his fourth wife. If you can find her under there, ask her if she's happy.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Trump is the kind of guy that would divorce his wives and send his companies into bankruptcy before he divorced the notion that he has hair.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Or admit to a psychopathic need for media attention…

GemlikeFlame October 23, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Trump fills immense douchebags with reflected self-loathing.

Fox n Fiends October 23, 2012 at 5:32 pm

PLEASE OH PLEASE LETS MAKE THIS ELECTION ABOUT MICHELLE

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I already made this erection about Michelle.

What? That's what you said, right?

SayItWithWookies October 23, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Since it's already public knowledge it definitely qualifies as Trump's bombshell — but knowing The Donald, I'm guessing it's something completely harebrained and out of left field, like that Obama was actually hit by a car in 1967 and replaced by Paul McCartney.

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

You Oughta Know was really about Obama and not Joey from Full House!

MissTaken October 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Cut it out!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 6:02 pm

ISWYDT!

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Barry's so vain. He probably thought that song was about him, didn't he?

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

Obama is really the sixth Beatle.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:47 pm

So, Bamz is the Walrus?

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:04 pm

everybody knows that …

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Why do you think Obama is always pictured in bare feet?

CrunchyKnee October 23, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Sheeeeittt, even Trump's hair has tried to get away from his foul self.

Estproph October 23, 2012 at 5:33 pm

NEXT BREAKING TRUMP NEWS: Obamas argued once.

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Let me guess, about the size of the pre-WW I Navy?

Toomush_Infer October 23, 2012 at 8:30 pm

No, about how many army horses should be issued bayonets….

DCBloom October 23, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Make-up sex!

WhatTheHeck October 23, 2012 at 5:35 pm

And?

I have unearthed papers showing Trump is a frustrated dick. But I'm keeping it secret.

Geminisunmars October 23, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Something is leaking.

hagajim October 23, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Worst….secret…..ever!

Chet Kincaid_ October 23, 2012 at 7:27 pm

You've got all your old Spys in boxes in the basement too?

WhatTheHeck October 23, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Yeah. I play them, one against the other, like Smiley’s people.

Chet Kincaid_ October 23, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Tavis Smiley is a CIA Control Officer!? Mind! Blown!

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 5:35 pm

And if this were true, it would matter because-?

Geminisunmars October 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Well, if we have to explain it to you, you aren't a true blooded Amerikun, obviously.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Because Michelle was planning on leaving him for a women?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Or, in Trump's view, they didn't have the balls to go through with it?

fuflans October 23, 2012 at 8:39 pm

yeah this story should be a winner. by all means run with it donald.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

- the president is black and foreign.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 9:30 am

I heard he's from Nepal. How exotic.

barto October 23, 2012 at 5:35 pm

ZOMFG FAMILY VALUES FAMILY VALUES THINK OF THE CHILDREN ZOMFG

Designer_Rants October 23, 2012 at 7:29 pm

All I can think of is sex – like on a pirate ship. There would be wenches and eye patches and peg legs… No children.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 5:36 pm

So two people in a long-term relationship once hit a rough patch? Shocking, I tell you! Shocking! Where are my pearls?!?!?

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:05 pm

" Where are my pearls?!?!? " … clutched in your liddle hand …

Toomush_Infer October 23, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Orrr….look behind you…..

Radiotherapy October 23, 2012 at 5:37 pm

That brown egg is white on the inside.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E

docterry6973 October 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Naw, I am going with the Obama sells drugs story. Even Trump isn't a big enough hypocrite to bring up divorce papers as a scandal. He isn't, right?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

This Just In: Douchebag, Hypocritical Tool is Douchebag, Hypocritical, Tool.

Tequila Mockingbird October 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Well, if there's one person who knows the sanctity of marriage, it's Donald Trump and his lovely wife [insert name here].

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 6:40 pm

[Melania Knauss-Trump: $46.8M]

Opps, I forgot to remove the price tag.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

ROTFLMAO!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 9:44 am

Actually, Donald left it on, so he can return her later.

Humberto_Echo October 23, 2012 at 5:41 pm

When there's photos of him in Huggies in a highchair or dining on toe smegma wake me up.

Chet Kincaid_ October 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm

http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/29-photos

BOOM!! Now what's your excuse for Nobama, libtard?!

Humberto_Echo October 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm

If cute was a crime, old boy would be in Gimto, Sucka!

102415 October 23, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Awwww wanna just pinch his little face buy him some ice cream mail him some more monez and vote for him.

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I don't want to see photos of trump like that until after i am dead ….

Tequila Mockingbird October 23, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Hey, you guys, do you think maybe Trump is doing this as a publicity stunt? It's just a theory I have.

YouBetcha October 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Surely you jest.

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 6:20 pm

That seems out of character for him.

Jus_Wonderin October 24, 2012 at 6:25 am

He truly wants what is bes for America.

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 6:55 am

I would be crushed, absolutely crushed, to find out that the man he plates anything of any worth he's ever owned in gold and who names every one of his properties after himself would be so self-aggrandizing and cynical.

DemonicRage October 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

The fact that a man with orange cotton candy fuzz on his head in the shape of a dead squirrel lives here in USA almost makes the 2012 – 2016 Presidency not worth having. Who wants to be the President of the world's biggest (fill in blank with your favorite very bad word)?

Barrelhse October 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Jeepers Crow!

weejee October 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Well the Donald and all his Trumpettes certainly know about divorce.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I think you forgot the initial "s" that goes at the beginning of "Trumpettes"…

emmelemm October 23, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Strumpet libel! Strumpets are people too.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Strumpets are some of my favorite people.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 12:44 am

Some of my best friends are strumpets.

Eve8Apples October 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

At least Barry didn't tie Michelle to the roof of his car and drive her to Canada.

sbj1964 October 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm

No,but that would be kinky.

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Wasn't that what got Obama's senate opponent who wasn't Alan Keyes in trouble?

Chet Kincaid_ October 23, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Good God, what if we found out Mitt makes Ann go to Binder Clubs?

Biff October 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

The 1st rule of Binder Club is don't talk about Binder Club.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

A man could not go wrong with a binder full of Jeri Ryan, that's for sure.

DemmeFatale October 24, 2012 at 12:29 am

Really.

WhatTheHeck October 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Why is Trump so constantly afraid of the president?

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 5:49 pm

The President is tall, dark, handsome, and intelligent. And Trump is not.

zumpie October 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Couldn't be cause Bamz is a blah, cause the blahs love the Trump

bloggingbalkanistan October 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

We are always afraid of the ones we love the most…

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Yes, Trump is afraid of his love for the President.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Megyn Kelly? Is that you?

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Trump's problem is that he's all out of love, what is he without 'bam; he can't be too late to say that he was so wrong

Radiotherapy October 23, 2012 at 6:12 pm

He wants to raise his marginal tax rate 4%.

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Lies! Trump has no earned income.

Designer_Rants October 23, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Yeah? BUT: Bamz wants to start taxing bankruptcies of people who add nothing to society.

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 6:41 pm

It's a hair thing.

Designer_Rants October 23, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Or: It's a whatever-that-is thing.

Dashboard Buddha October 23, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Since I have become an adult, I have seen fear become a commodity. Trump is all about commodity.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 12:46 am

That is very well stated

MissTaken October 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

I wouldn't trust any couple together 20+ years who didn't seriously contemplate divorce at least once.

VodkaGoGo October 23, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Why stop at divorce? If you've never once for a split-second thought about murdering your spouse, there's something wrong with you.

calliecallie October 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Or planning your own disappearance, staged to look like murder, so the spouse will 1) take the fall or 2) always wonder what happened.

VodkaGoGo October 23, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Who among us hasn't wanted to disappear while hiking the Appalachian trail?

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

Did you just read GONE GIRL? Because, this.

Chet Kincaid_ October 23, 2012 at 6:31 pm

If you guys start fighting, keep it off the Wonkette — we'll blame ourselves, no matter how much you say you love us!

MissTaken October 23, 2012 at 6:54 pm

We're gonna air all our dirty laundry for your displeasure!

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Oh God, you're gonna play tug-of-war with us aren't you?

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 9:41 pm

We're gonna be latchkey kids!

*Sobs

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Don't worry; if we ever start fighting, it will all completely be you other commenters' fault, and we would be getting along perfectly well if it wasn't for you.

bikerlaureate October 23, 2012 at 11:38 pm

That's mighty Right of you.
Taking turns, playing bully/victim…

GeorgiaBurning October 23, 2012 at 5:45 pm

So, Donald read a two year-old National Enquirer while waiting at Supercuts?

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Actually it was the Weekly World News with a National Enquirer taped to the front to hide the fact, but yeah.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Who gets the aliens' endorsement?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:43 pm

More importantly, who gets Batboys?

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Floridians.

Jukesgrrl October 23, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I've seen headlines like that for more than a year on multiple rags as I wait in the supermarket check out line. Trump's not exactly behind the eight ball, is he?

WhatTheHolyHeck October 24, 2012 at 10:06 am

That fuzzy shit grows?

another kiwi October 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

What are we make of serial divorcee trump publishing a second hand account of a marriage going through a tough time? I'm torn between "Demented wanker" and "egoist blows himself in public"

viennawoods13 October 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

His dick isn't long enough to do that.

JackObin October 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Want to hear something even more startling? Twit Romney is a mormon. If that doesn't disturb all the fatties, nothing will.

orygoon October 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

The Bombshell That Bombed, The End.

sbj1964 October 23, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Oct.Surprise? What married couple has not considered divorce?

MissTaken October 23, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Trump Bombshell III: Barry is black. And so is Michelle.

mbobier October 23, 2012 at 6:18 pm

The Re-Blackening!

T3rbo October 23, 2012 at 6:19 pm

The horror…

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:11 pm

trump will expose Michelle as a white woman who turned black when she married her husband .

bloggingbalkanistan October 23, 2012 at 5:49 pm

No snark: this story actually make me like & respect Hopey & FLOTUS even more. They're not perfect, but by all accounts they have a good marriage, they love and respect each other and by all accounts they are good parents. When they allegedly had trouble in their marriage they worked out their problems.

Although seriously, if the Obamas ever do get a divorce, I'd happily go lesbian for Michelle.

Tequila Mockingbird October 23, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Trump's ego is so huge, when he's screwing a supermodel, he closes his eyes and pretends he's jerking off.

Humberto_Echo October 23, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I see what you did there.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I'm pretty sure the supermodel does too.

bearperney October 23, 2012 at 8:08 pm

and/or uses super-strength anti-nausea pills.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I haven't laughed so much at so many posts in one thread in awhile. lol

zumpie October 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Needz moar Bamz secret gay married, also, too!

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Dang, I *wish*…

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Michelle just found out, hence the divorce, obvs.

Designer_Rants October 23, 2012 at 7:21 pm

That's what Trump's crack team of investigators in Hawaii are unearthing!!! They're definitely not just getting free extended tropical vacations from a half-ret@rded and serially bankrupt teevee "personality".

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Bit o' trivia: Ed Klein has been divorced twice.

YouBetcha October 23, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Says the man whose two wives, original hair, and sense of dignity all divorced him.

102415 October 23, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Three. MARLA LIBEL!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 12:55 am

No sir, I refuse to believe it. Donald Trump never had a sense of dignity.

bobster1985 October 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Donald Trump is a skid mark on the underpants of humanity.

VodkaGoGo October 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Oooooh scandal! Afterall, none of Trumps wives ever got a divorce.

fawkedifiknow October 23, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I was counting on a sex tape.

VespulaMaculata October 23, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Ivana: "You think I seem crazy? Live with him for half your life!"

mrblifil October 23, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I think Trump just tweeted out a cock shot. Oh wait it was just his official portrait.

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:12 pm

he tweeted residue from the colonic

Sharkey October 23, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Because…. there's a difference?

VodkaGoGo October 23, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Next up: Joe Biden is on his second marriage, hates families.

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

Next up: Joe Biden made the car crash so his wife and daughter would die!!

Seriously, these people will try anything.

dawgeral October 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Please. The Donald's "hair" doesn't even remotely resemble anything in nature. It's "Living Dynel" (at best) and probably has a name in the magazine where he got it like "BRUCE" or "WILHEM". It's Permanent-Press, Drip-Dry, Scuff-Resistant, Fire-Retardant and has a half-life of 600,000 years, "but it's so natural even I was fooled".

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 6:13 pm

"Hair Styles by Monsanto"

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Win.

VodkaGoGo October 23, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Made from space age polymers, it is. The same stuff they used on the Apollo missions.

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Brain Slug Party '12

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:13 pm

we were all fooled …

Humberto_Echo October 23, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Donald Trump's head reminds me of John Waters close up of a sweaty ginger ball sack – that smells of ear wax.

rmjagg October 23, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Divine ate donald in the last scene from ' Pink Flamingos '

Chet Kincaid_ October 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm

We already knew that they fought over his political ambitions and his time away from home while in office in Illinois, back in 2008 when we learned everything there is to know about all of the Obamas.

Radiotherapy October 23, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Keep vetting that chicken.

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 6:13 pm

But who cares that Obama's personal life was investigated to much greater detail than any other President in the history of ever, he wasn't vetted!

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 6:16 pm

PROTIP: "vetted" means "white".

viennawoods13 October 23, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Why no, he wasn't properly vetted, unlike that perfectly charming woman from Alaska who- oops! turned out to have a pregnant, unwed teen daughter.

But that was different.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 12:57 am

We didn't know he was black! Why did nobody warn us!

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

Sure, but who is Barack Obama really?

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Wait, I'm confused. I thought the whole thing about Conservative Social Values was about shaming women into staying in relationships and not divorcing (even in cases where those relationships are, say, terribly abusive, which was SUCH a FUN subtext to pick up on from Quayle, back when I was a young child and my parents had divorced on account of horrible abuse).

If this is true (which it's coming from Trump, so doubt it), it says that Michelle and Barry ran into a rough time, including the financial difficulties underlying most divorces, and Michelle DID stay with him. Has that ever been Trump's MO? What about other Conservative Social Warriors, like Gingrich, Sanford, Ensign, or Vitter? Am I missing something here, or what?

More to the point, tough, Trump's an idiot. Yes, it would be a really great idea, a few days before the election, to "drop" a "bombshell" that the Obamas struggled financially a while back, and TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT MIDDLE-CLASS FINANCIAL SECURITY IS FOR KEEPING FAMILIES TOGETHER, having lived through it themselves.

Yeah, I don't see any way Obama could spin that.

DCBloom October 23, 2012 at 6:35 pm

THIS.

weejee October 23, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Can the Prez fire Trump? Mayhaps out of one of the 16-inch guns on a mothballed battleship?

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

With a few horses and bayonets loaded into the gun behind His Hairness for good measure.

mille derps October 23, 2012 at 7:48 pm

"Yeah, I don't see any way Obama could spin that."

You're right. Obama should go ahead & deliver his concession speech now.

obfuscator2 October 23, 2012 at 6:35 pm

this story is complete bullshit. kenyan sharia law strictly forbids the wife from divorcing the husband unless the wife's father compensates the husband with a fatted calf and one year of the nfl package on the dish network.

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Why do you think she's been working so hard in the White House garden these past 3 years? It all fits together!!

Chet Kincaid_ October 23, 2012 at 7:25 pm

NBA League Pass Libel!!

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I see a future where President Mittens appoints this hairpiece to be our ambassador to the UN.

ChickTract_Fil_A October 23, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Yes, what is Michael Bolton 'stache doing on Donald Trumps head anyway?

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Oh, that was an awesome Freudian slip. lol

An_Outhouse October 23, 2012 at 6:40 pm

So the moral of this story is hang in there, you might become first lady.

Gleem McShineys October 23, 2012 at 8:26 pm

So it has less to do with Obama, and more that Trump is trying to send a message to his current wife: "Look, stay, and you never know — you could just become the FLOTUS!"

Humberto_Echo October 23, 2012 at 6:41 pm

The concept of marriage escapes me. I would rather contemplate the music of Trump's spheres:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_B0CyOAO8y0

Biel_ze_Bubba October 23, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I'd rather kick Trump's spheres until they make music.

finallyhappy October 23, 2012 at 6:46 pm

did you know his wife is black? and his daughters too? Big news!

NW_Pinko October 23, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Irony… Next he'll say Obama sports a dead fox comb-over.

chascates October 23, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Pick up your copy of The Trump Truthiness at a supermarket checkout aisle! Coming soon: Donald's meeting with Sasquatch!

Humberto_Echo October 23, 2012 at 6:55 pm

We shall over-comb.

viennawoods13 October 23, 2012 at 10:57 pm

SO much win.

Doktor Zoom October 23, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Yeah, that is such a shocking revelation that the strain on their marriage caused by the loss is alluded to ten minutes into the Frontline program that aired a couple weeks back.

Detesticle October 23, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Whenever I come across damaging information about someone, I always alert the press that I will release that information in the future, sometime, after a delay of no reason whatsoever.

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 7:01 pm

My bet is the surprise will be, just like at the RNC, that there's no surprise, Trump just wanted to talk about his yooj ratings for Celebrity Desperentice, the most obnoxious show in primetime. Also, two hours? Go fuck yourself Donald. Oh, you already were, it's hard to tell on account of your penis cannot be seen without magnification.

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 7:08 pm

My unimpeachable sources, aka the voices in my head, inform me that the bombshell involves a socket wrench, a lumpy sofa, and a Piqua, Ohio petting zoo. Fingers crossed.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 23, 2012 at 7:09 pm

As always . . . you won't believe what he found.
I know I won't.

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Your move, Joe Arpaio.

poorgradstudent October 23, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Off-topic, kind of, but am I the only one who might have a nervous breakdown over the fact that Romney and Ryan stand a chance at all of winning? I might not agree with Obama on a lot of things, but the idea of the country I'm living in getting at least four years of an empty suit and a guy whose ideology is to economics what Scientology is to philosophy makes me physically ill.

It doesn't help knowing that Romney and Ryan are certainly the leaders this country deserves.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Yes, but think of the jokes we can make, and the fact that there is no way Romney can do what he claimed he wants to do without pissing off at least 65% of the country. There is always a silver lining.

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 8:01 pm

the fact that there is no way Romney can do what he claimed he wants to do

You should've stopped there, because arithmetic.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 1:06 am

It probably helps that I'm male and white.

fuflans October 23, 2012 at 8:44 pm

no you're not. i'm terrified about it.

which is why i'm using my (new) unemployed status to work for bamz.

PennyDreadful October 24, 2012 at 12:20 am

You are not alone. From time to time, I find I have to remind myself to breathe.

Self-Uploader October 24, 2012 at 1:29 am

There's a cure for this. It's not too late. Get on a bus, train, plane or automobile. Go to Ohio (or any state-in-play) and get out the vote. Really, great way to meet nice people and see the country. (No food allowance, but they'll find you a place to stay).

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 3:00 am

Look at the early voting numbers in the swing states, and they will bring you off the ledge. Hell, even a cursory look at the electoral colleg map will allay some fears. This thing is not nearly as close as the media wants it to be. Whether it's a good or bad thing, popular vote doesn't mean anything.

BTW, the popular vote is so close because Mitt is running up the score in already red states. He's not expanding the map. Mitt has had weeks to hammer away at his only viable option to 270 (Ohio), and Ohio is the one that has hung the toughest against his onslaught.

Mitt can still win. But, I guess it's in the same way that McCain could have won. I mean, it's possible, but it's not likely, and it's really not anymore likely than prior to the first debate if you really look at the numbers. So Mitt got some undecideds off the fence in already Red States. Big whoop. Mitt's running up the score in the South. I mean, it'd be nice for us to compete there if only to show our Southern Dem friends some love, but it's absolutely not necessary either for the president or for Romney, really.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 9:54 am

It's like the Ryan "plan": mathematically possible.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Trumpy no!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Do you know how to play, Trumpy? What do you know?

MozakiBlocks October 23, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Who gives a flying fuck what 'The Donald" says or does?

Designer_Rants October 23, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Image title text win.

chascates October 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm

This is still the best bullshit Obama story of all and it involves Michelle. From last year, and appearing all over the rightwingosphere:

The internet was buzzing this week with video of First Lady Michelle Obama apparently showing extreme disrespect to the American flag at a ceremony in honor of the victims of the September 11, 2001 terror attacks. As police and firefighters fold the flag to the sound of marching bagpipers, a skeptical looking Mrs. Obama leans to her husband and appears to say, “all this just for a flag.” She then purses her lips and shakes her head slightly as Mr. Obama nods.

Appears to say. The long form birth certificate. The 'Muslim' ring. If a few people believed this horse shit it would be one thing. That almost half do is evidence we don't deserve to be that 'shining city on a hill'.

ChickTract_Fil_A October 23, 2012 at 7:27 pm

And judging by that little peck on the cheek from Ann last night tells me Willard's in the doghouse too.

Dudleydidwrong October 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Did you say that Ann said that Willard Mitt has a little pecker? It must be true because it is on the Intertubes and I read it there.

Jukesgrrl October 23, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I'm glad she knows who to blame when she doesn't get to move into the WHITE House. Thousands of people have told her she "looks like what a First Lady is supposed to look like" and goddamit, she's ENTITLED. Her six other houses AREN'T ENOUGH!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 9:56 am

This is bad news for Mitt: In the Romney household, it's a short trip from the doghouse to the roof of the car.

stly92 October 23, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Shouldn't the fact that trump went all in on birtherism discredit him? Oh, what am I saying, that would require the people of America to have discernment and memory. Trump knows they don't. Guess that's why he's a billionaire and I'm part of the 47%. (Disabled with crippling agoraphobia and other mental conditions, waiting for SS to kick in.)

MissTaken October 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Nope, the birtherism gives him wingnut street cred. The wear their stupidity like a badge of courage.

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 7:51 pm

That and you lacking the foresight to be born to a millionaire father.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 8:03 pm

May I suggest Sara Benincasa's book Agorafabulous! If nothing else it will make you laugh and feel less alone.

You are not alone.

Be well.

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Don't forget to use the links from Your Wonket, so they get munniez from Amazon.

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

But what about those of us who prefer to buy our books from the book store?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 1:09 am

Luddite!

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

The president being black is the only thing that gives Donald even a shred of credibility. If people don't remember, this guy was a laughing stock to just about everybody back before November 2008. He'd slightly resurrected himself with The Apprentice, but no one would have taken his opinions on political issues as being serious had we elected anyone else.

Tommmcatt_Again October 23, 2012 at 7:38 pm

"Gnome" is a really weird nickname for your schlong, Donald.

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm

This cocktober surprise seems kinda flaccid.

Mittaplasia October 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Needs moar tumescence.

glamourdammerung October 23, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I have not seen the NRO this desperate since the last time someone outed a white supremacist in their staff.

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Actually, there's one thing Trump could say that'd really hurt Obama: that he endorses him. That could be a game changer, folks!

Humberto_Echo October 23, 2012 at 7:48 pm

OK. here's the story, Obama, after having left Michelle, tried to sign Camilla Paglia's boob following a particularly saucy reading of Sexual Personae. She refused by kicking him in the nuts. He returned to his wife. The Republic remains in tact.

prommie October 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

I have gone over a year without seeing the name "Camille Paglia," and now you have gone on ruined it, fucking goddamn, man, you know what I mean? You ruined it, I have to fucking start over to get back to where I can forget she exists.

Chow Yun Flat October 23, 2012 at 7:54 pm

NRO guy is such a dolt. He complains that the President's successful campaign against Jack Ryan (banker who made a zillion bucks then quit to teach in the Chicago public schools, looked like a Kennedy and was married to and divorced from Jeri "Seven of Nine" Ryan) was made easier when the salacious details of the divorce were made public by the Chicago Tribune.

The huge difference, of course, is that the Ryan divorce had gone through the courts and been sealed at the request of both parties before the Trib made it public while the Obama divorce papers seem to never have seen the inside of courthouse.

BlueStateLibel October 23, 2012 at 7:55 pm

The best thing I ever read about Donal Trump was something he wrote in the '90s. The NY Times had published a photo of him, and he wrote a letter to the editor complaining that the photo made him look heavier than he is. On my sacred Wonkette honor, I'm swear I'm not making this up, only wish I could find the damn letter in digital.

Jukesgrrl October 23, 2012 at 11:50 pm

However, his short Vulgarian fingers have always been fat.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Unless this involves a live video freed of Obama having sex with some random dude for crack while Michelle watches them while reading the Communist Manifesto, I am going to be extremely disappointed.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Here's the thing, if Romney can't control his minions from embarrassing him two weeks before the election, imagine what it will be like if he is elected and Trump is demanding his pound of flesh?

docterry6973 October 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

That is one thing I don't worry about. Anyone who trusts Romney's promises and expects Romney to deliver on them is gonna end up with a handful of hobo beans and a sneer.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 23, 2012 at 8:00 pm

What's truly pathetic is that Donnie's ego is so fragile that he's still butthurt from when Bamz roasted him at the Correspondents' Dinner last April. You have to wonder how many millions he's spent scouring the planet for something — anything — to get even with.
BTW, you know it's pathetically small potatoes when he feels the need to pre-announce the announcement, in order to get it noticed at all.

rocktonsam October 23, 2012 at 8:04 pm

as per usual, Trump tries to get people all excited about something BIG and as per usual

meh….

bearperney October 23, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Yikes! (not)

mille derps October 23, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Have you seen a targeted political ad?

Help Pro Publica find out how politicians are targeting you online.

1. If you spot a small blue triangle icon on any online political ad, or the words "Ad Choices," take a screenshot of the ad.

2. Then click on the blue triangle or the words "Ad Choices" to find out which company showed you the ad. Take a screenshot of that, too.

3. Email the screenshots to us at targeting2012@propublica.org. Please include the full URL of the page where you saw the ad.

If the ad asks you to "learn more," visit a website, donate, or sign a petition, please send us a screenshot of that site or petition, as well. (The page where the ad sends you may also be targeted to what advertisers know about you.)

Not sure how to take a screenshot? Here are the instructions if you're using a PC, using a Mac, or using a smartphone.
http://www.propublica.org/article/how-companies-h

Sharkey October 23, 2012 at 8:53 pm

View sexy presidenshal singles here! (Shhhh, my vote is out of town….)

GeneralLerong October 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Stop it, just stop it, your scaring me, and I'm already insanely paranoid:

Christian Taliban Buy A Cobag

"AFA plans to turn out the vote by way of a massive database, which will multiply their own 8,000 contacts by more than six times to almost 50,000. Mining this data, which contains personal information, means “much, much more information than we’ve ever had in terms of what are their passions, and what districts they’re in, and what motivates them,” according to Minnery. The data was purchased at a national conference for social conservative groups. Minnery described being approached about purchasing a huge voter database."

Biel_ze_Bubba October 23, 2012 at 8:26 pm

OT, a bit, but had to share, as the "horses and bayonets" meme goes viral.

Woodshedding October 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Are you sure the bombshell won't be the fact that the Barry doesn't have a son who's supplying the voting machines to the swing states?

fuflans October 23, 2012 at 8:33 pm

in other news, the UK is delaying the badger cull.

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Why, did they see a snake?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

*whew*

[honorary Wisconsinite]

prommie October 23, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Well it damn sure looks like I will never be president. But thats aight, I found a much better gig.

prommie October 23, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Trump is just a bust-out artist. Fuck him. Oh and you know what, cause I met this walking bag of shit, he fucking smells, he is a stinky-ass motherfucker.

Sharkey October 23, 2012 at 8:48 pm

That's what they say about Bono, too. And look at him.

Toomush_Infer October 23, 2012 at 8:45 pm

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump reveals that his real name is Jose Yimenez….

malsperanza October 23, 2012 at 8:53 pm

So, Trump's idea of how to deliver the election to Romney is to remind voters of what a wonderful family the Obamas are? That their marriage has survived extreme pressures intact, and without an oppressive religious fundamentalism to keep them in line?

Good God, why is this man not the GOP's chief strategist?

NellCote71 October 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Who says he isn't if not behind the scenes. The Repugs eminence orange, if you will.

mille derps October 23, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Another debate? They said we were all done:
http://www.ora.tv/ora2012/thirdparty

(Larry King says the audience can applaud…)

el_donaldo October 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Doesn't the conga line usually come through about this time?

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Wait, haven't the Obamas been pretty up front about the fact that Barack's early career in politics put a pretty severed strain on the marriage? I've heard Michelle mention it on more than one occassion with the lesson being that they stuck it out and are stronger for it.

Speaking of strained marraiges, how many more miles/years does Melanomia have on her before The Donald decideds to trade her out for a later model?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 9:59 am

Her warranty expires next year.

fuflans October 23, 2012 at 9:28 pm

there's an egg romney joke in here but i'm too hungover to find it.

johnnyzhivago October 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

This has weight coming from some with the moral turpitude of Donald Trump.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm

BTW, Gloria Allred is brewing up something vicious, and unlike them, something consequentially true, so they are sending out their carnival barker. Ain't gonna' work.

finallyhappy October 23, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Yeah , I read that- something about a case in Boston involving RMoney. Have I mentioned here( yes) that Gloria and I attended the same High school where Rev. wright's mom was our vice primcipal( ok , possibly not when Gloria was a student- but when I was)

mille derps October 23, 2012 at 11:41 pm

I hope it all works out & she didn't leave it too late. http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2012/10/glo

sullivanst October 24, 2012 at 8:46 am

Eurgh. Family court records? Sounds extremely messy, with massive potential for blowback.

Barrelhse October 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I would like to thank Donald for making the Romney campaign look so devoid of any substance, just in case anyone missed that fact.

Negropolis October 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

What? No "whitey" tape?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 1:23 am

Maybe Michelle stated she wanted to divorce Barack because she found out he was half white?

ibwilliamsi October 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Is anyone shocked that a couple married 8 years with two young children who have just gone through a very public defeat might consider a divorce? Good for them for working on it and sticking together! It's not as easy to stay married as people seem to think, even under the BEST of circumstances.

But Donald Trump complaining that someone else worked out a rough patch in their marriage? Who gives a shit what this three timer thinks?

VA_Dreaming October 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

There is a play that describes Trump's life. It is called, Much Ado About Nothing.

viennawoods13 October 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Beatrice and Benedick libel!!

emmelemm October 24, 2012 at 1:53 am

Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

(Yes, I'm mixing my Shakespeare metaphors.)

bobbert October 24, 2012 at 2:47 am

Much Hairdo About Nothing.

Toomush_Infer October 24, 2012 at 9:04 am

The Tepidist……sorry…..

mrblifil October 24, 2012 at 10:02 am

Actually King John would be the closest to dramatizing Trump's clueless life history.

ttommyunger October 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Trump comes to mind every morning after my coffee as I head to the crapper, saying to myself: this is going to be HUGE!

Dudleydidwrong October 23, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Tommy, you sell yourself short. What you do after your coffee is much more important to the world's good order than anything–anything–Donald Trump has done or ever will do.

ttommyunger October 23, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Better looking and smarter, too.

DemmeFatale October 24, 2012 at 12:24 am

Oh, Tommy!
You salty ol' dog!
You're the best!

ttommyunger October 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

You prolly say that to all the boys, but I love it! Thx!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Barrelhse October 23, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Here's a BBC world-wide poll on our Presidential elections. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-2000868

Sassomatic October 24, 2012 at 12:29 am

No one say anything about Ann Romney though. Bringing their private lives into it is inappropriate.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 24, 2012 at 1:08 am

I've got a bombshell of megalithic proportions….hear ye! hear ye! Andrew Breitbart is STILL dead! Sorry…I just love posting that.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 24, 2012 at 1:13 am

By the way…I saw that "Hope and Change" docu-thing written by "the Undefeated" (snigger) author and bankrolled by Citizens United. What made me laugh about it was these supposed 'Democrats' who supported Obama…er, the Democrat party, always a dead giveaway were accusing him of EXACTLY the same crap Republicans say, amazing! It was a really classy affair…he's a communist, the debt is all his fault, he's not doing anything to get people to work (and EVERY 'democrat' wanted him to get rid of unemployment) and Obamacare…yeah, probably shouldn't have tried to pass that when AHP-bankrolled GOP opposition said no. Also, apparently the political divisions are all his fault (one of the 'Democrats' said this while without a hint of irony a glory shot of droves of teabagger signs (very bitter ones, too…) were shown to uplifting music)…most hilarious pile of bullshit ever. I loved the part about Boehner bitching about 'lack of time' and transparency on the healthcare bill..this from a guy who'd drop off 3,000 page'd legislation on a Friday and force a vote on Monday (not to mention the passing out tobacco lobby checks on the house floor). It would be so cute if it wasn't full of obvious and convenient Wingnesia on well…everything. They even hit the 'apology tour' bullshit…and these 'democrats' were pretending Barry was "weak" for telling the world he wasn't a fucking moron like Dubya, priceless!

Mojopo October 24, 2012 at 1:20 am

The theme is "Things That are Uncomfortable to Discuss". Absolutely nothing motivates a wide spectrum of voters as much as being reminded of divorces, marital strains and lawyering-up. For his next trick, Donald will discuss dead or missing pets, Mom's slow fade into dementia and that time you were poor and had to sell plasma for tampons.

Have a terrific day!

EDIT – Less cynical me would hope that Trump's big pee-filled water balloon is a stunt, kind of like the way his game show manufactures cliffhangers as a way to cut for a commercial break. But the truth is he just wants to make everyone feel bad. He's made such an ass of himself, damaged his brand, and now he wants the POTUS and FLOTUS, and all the Hopey Changey lot of us to feel shitty too.

littlebigdaddy October 24, 2012 at 2:02 am

Hey, I'm late to this (been working). I am sure I am the first male Wonker to say, hey, Shelly, I'm totally down with you. (I am so joking, but am not willing to do the scrolling).

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 6:57 am

Totally OT, but has Reuters always been so incredibly biased? Maybe, I've just never really paid attention, but I've noticed since the Obama presidency them printing stuff ridiculously critical of the administration, like Fox News cartoonishly critical, but using a higher vocabulary, and with the protection of being under a more respected banner.

mrblifil October 24, 2012 at 9:59 am

There's a few news organizations whose branding relies upon a reputation for utter neutrality, with no sign that a human author is involved in the production of the news items. AP was one of these companies, Reuters another (though furrin' so less American). Similarly too, but a bit less so, PBS/NPR. Christ cadets have made it one of their missions to subsume each of these organizations under their umbrella via strategic placing of pod people. They're doing a good job with that!

RomneysLogCabin October 24, 2012 at 7:51 am

I am sooo ready to hear Mel Gibson's rants dubbed with Obama's voice.

Allmighty_Manos October 24, 2012 at 8:31 am

I would really like to punch Donald Trump in the face. Not being funny, just stating a fact.

PugglesRule October 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

He's one of those people who deserves it. But I will leave the honor to you.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

This is all very interesting but what about the COKE?!

Magic Sam October 24, 2012 at 10:10 am

We've narrowed it down to the 10 most likely #TrumpBombshell announcements:
http://dailydickpunch.com/2012/10/24/zomg-racist-

James Michael Curley October 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I'll be in my bunk.

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