Ghost Breitbart’s ‘Happy Cult’ Degenerates Into Sad Mess Of Confusion And Backbiting

by Doktor Zoom

We think they are all bozos on that bus.As we all know from the plot of virtually every big Hollywood gangster movie ever made, when there’s a gang of loutish thugs and the head lout is removed, the remaining loutish thugs invariably turn on each other in a frenzy of loutishness and thuggery. This is apparently what is going on at rightwing internet concern Breitbart.com following the sudden death of Andrew Breitbart on March 1 of this year, according to this juicy Buzzfeed story by McKay Coppins, which says the late lout’s “web empire” is now “plagued by an unusual degree of disorganization and rampant infighting as his disciples battle for ownership of his legacy.” Golly. No one could have seen THAT coming!

Actually, Your Wonkette didn’t, at least not quite. But our Ken Layne did at least note, in Wonkette’s initial story on the bloated bloviator’s shuffling off this mortal coil, that the remaining crew was not exactly a model of intellectual rigor:

Breitbart leaves behind a wife and four children, along with hundreds of idiotic half-literate bloggers for his various websites who share his zeal for mindlessly attacking every non-wingnut aspect of life on Earth but lack his amiable personality.

It’s not quite a prediction of a terminal fuck-tussle in the Breitbartosphere, but it’s a pretty good assessment of the remaining management team at Arkham Asylum.

So! What exciting News McNuggets does Coppins serve up regarding goings-on among successors of the Wingnut Ozymandias? Look upon these jerks, ye righties, and despair:

  • Chaos and confusion! The portrait that emerged…was one of a disorganized, downtrodden army of conservative foot soldiers eager to carry out their fallen leader’s mission, but deeply divided over how to interpret his battle plan.

    “We were running a kind of happy cult when Andrew was in charge, and when Andrew died everyone had an incentive to spin what they thought he was up to,” said one former employee. “If he knew he was going to die, I’m sure he would have called a dinner the night before and given us the tablets or something…. But he didn’t.”

  • Stars Drifting out of Breitbart Orbit… Dana Loesch, a CNN contributor who is the face of the Breitbart empire these days and its only veritable TV star, hasn’t written a post in more than a month — and one source said she has sought a job at The Daily Caller.
  • …Or Just Burning Out! A current Breitbart staffer singled out a colleague, John Nolte, who has devoted much of his time to attacking journalists on Twitter rather than moving the ball with reporting.

    “He’s capable of tremendous insight but… he’s written the same post for three years,” the colleague complained.

  • Rank Amateurishness And Sloppy Journamalism! “They don’t even know how to do basic stuff, like, what a lede is. Like, maybe you should inform your readers in the first paragraph what your story is about,” said a high-profile conservative journalist who works for another outlet.
  • Out of Touch Management! [CEO Larry] Solov, [editor-in-chief Joel] Pollak and a few others run the company from an office in L.A., but the site’s contributors are spread across the country — and many complain that the editors are all but impossible to reach.

    E-mails and phone calls go unreturned for days, two sources said, and the people at the top of the masthead are so unresponsive that one employee sent a notarized letter to inform Pollak he was quitting.

  • Editorial Interference — The Bad Kind! One reporter who eventually left the site complained that Pollak would regularly assign reported stories to advance his take on the news, and if the reporting deviated even slightly from his preferred message, he would simply rewrite the article.

    “If you investigated it and it didn’t come out in the way he wanted it, he would be upset,” said the reporter, who complained that editing sometimes introduced factual errors. Pollak denied the claim, and said most of the rewriting he does is to protect the company against potential lawsuits.

Among the True Wingnut Believers, however, the worst fear is that under the new management, Breitbart.com has lost its cherished quality of independence, that certain loose-cannon quality that outsiders might instead call “bugfuck-crazy irresponsibility,” as seen in the Shirley Sherrod smear or the Anthony Weiner dickopalooza. With the death of Breitbart himself, the site “lost a media savant… [who understood] how a good stunt, or a sophisticated prank could drive national news cycles for days.” In short, without the head clown, the circus just isn’t all that much fun anymore:

He was a partisan prankster with a knack for showmanship whose self-awareness and sense of humor endeared him to the press, and helped his scoops go national. These days, the only time reporters pay attention to Breitbartians is when they’re clicking the “block” button on Twitter.

[Buzzfeed]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 217 comments }

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Lard of the Flies…

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Piggy is still dead.

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Sucks to your assmar.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 25, 2012 at 2:16 am

Or Flies on the Lardass? Nahh, he's wormfood…lots and lots of wormfood.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I went back in time four hours to post this at Wonkville…

Doktor Zoom October 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Ha! Got ya this time! I started "writing" this last night! (OK, copy-pasting, but still….)

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Oh yea? Well….well….well, I read the first draft at mill last night after working 26 hours!

FlownOver October 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Luxury!

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Do they have any openings???

weejee October 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

…Einstein has a sad. Or would it be had a sad or perhaps will have a sad? These times are a changin'.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Einstein wioll haven be a sad, according to Dr. Dan Streetmentioner

sullivanst October 24, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Are you sure you shouldn't use the future semi-conditionally modified subinverted plagal past subjunctive intentional?

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Well, I would, except Einstein would have to travel into the future in order for the past to become prologue.

Fare la Volpe October 24, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I've had it with these motherfucking ponies in this motherfucking mommy blog!

Loch_Nessosaur October 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

(Flicks knife) Ya got something against Bronies.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Say, how come there are never any black ponies?

Shypixel October 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Because only white people have so little culture that they turn to animated kids shows?

doloras October 24, 2012 at 4:03 pm

What, so all the black kids are watching reruns of Huey Newton speeches?

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

There is, at least, a rainbow pony…

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Doktor Zoom October 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm
actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Oh, sure, she *says* there's no race, but….all the colours of the rainbow AND WHITE are represented.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Dok,

I'm starting to think you need to get out more.

Love ya,

Lionel.

Terry October 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Because black and white people tend to watch different things on TV when they're totally wasted?

MissTaken October 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

There's a zebra named Zacora. She's the half-breed muslin of Ponyville.

Fare la Volpe October 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Something tells me Soros is to blame for this.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

But does she, like our half-black, half-white President, identify as black?

I don't think so!

bikerlaureate October 24, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Both sides were against her
since the day she was born.

VodkaGoGo October 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm

There's a grey one but of course that's the one that has to drive the bus.

Grokenstein October 24, 2012 at 6:19 pm

They do. She's called Zecora and she's hugely popular. She's a zebra who segregates herself deep in the jungle in a hut filled with African masks and bubbling cauldrons and she speaks in rhyme and wears an assload of gold and
and
and
OH MY GOD

finallyhappy October 24, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I had to ask a 13 year old girl at Dragon Con to explain what a Bronie was. I do not get it but I never got my Little Pony even when my daughter had some.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Brony orgy me thinks.

weejee October 24, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Did you know they were Tea Partiers?

Loch_Nessosaur October 24, 2012 at 3:06 pm

And here I thought the “bugfuck-crazy irresponsibility” would be self perpetuating. Go figure.

HRH_Maddie October 24, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Breitbart really gave that place a shred of credibility. Without him it just feels more like a sham news site. A Wonkette, if you will.

ttommyunger October 24, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Without the humor part.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 25, 2012 at 2:18 am

What credibility? During the Sherrod incident fatty pretty much said he doesn't have any ethics or morals…just a fat, bitter, racially incensed attack dog. Like Limblob minus the Oxycontin and naked Dominican slave-boys.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:06 pm

“He’s capable of tremendous insight but… he’s written the same post for three years,” the colleague complained.

Patience, my friend. He has to look up a lot of words to check their spelling.

Doktor Zoom October 24, 2012 at 3:14 pm

As someone who scans stuff from Christianist textbooks every weekend, I am not going to comment on that particular criticism of Mr. Nolte.

Incitefully_Joe October 24, 2012 at 3:06 pm

That illustration is very misleading. IRL, all of the Breitbots are Derpy.

CommieLibunatic October 24, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Uh… hmm, I dunno. At least Derpy means well.

MonkeyBiz October 24, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I don't even watch MLP:FIM, and I'm insulted on Derpy's behalf.

Shypixel October 24, 2012 at 3:06 pm

My God Man! All the ponies! It's getting worse!

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:14 pm

It's like they're breeding!

emmelemm October 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

a terminal fuck-tussle

See, in general, a fuck-tussle doesn't sound so bad; kinda fun, in fact. (Unless, of course, it's terminal.)

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm

A happy-go-lucky fuck-tussle?

Shypixel October 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I might accept a terminal fuck-tussle, depending on who was offering…

HistoriCat October 24, 2012 at 10:10 pm

And … we're back to Lindsay Lohan. Full circle, people!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I think I'd prefer the backbiting fuck-tussle.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I always thought a terminal fuck-tussle was the position on the lower end of the fuck-tussle.

emmelemm October 24, 2012 at 4:04 pm

You mean the back of the Human Centipede?

Gleem McShineys October 24, 2012 at 4:46 pm

First rule about fuck-tussle club…

Fred_Wertham_Jr October 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm

When Granny wants to buy a new hat, she goes to Bugtussle. When Jed wants to get laid, he goes to Fucktussle.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

They don’t even know how to do basic stuff, like, what a lede is. Like, maybe you should inform your readers in the first paragraph what your story is about

Or maybe post facts. Or check sources. Or check facts. Or type fast. Or interview someone instead of posting press releases. Or…

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 25, 2012 at 2:28 am

Or write with even an inkling of logic…or not seem like deeply upset, identity confused douchecanoes whose only guiding force is outrage over the lack of a constant celebration of white privilege, white prestige and white superiority on the left. It seems like the quickest way to achieve blood to the face with a winger (aside from saying Obama has accomplished any good including being alive) is to insult white people, rich people and evangelical Christians. It's like the whole party is that douchey yokel who slapped Sidney Poitier in "In the Heat of the Night" for not being sufficiently "yes massa" with his inbred asshole self.

Lucidamente1 October 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

"One thing Breitbart's followers do agree on," added Coppins, "is that young Riley Waggaman is eminently gropeable."

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

So what you're really saying, Dok, is that Breitbart is here. Amirite?

Terry October 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I'm not clicking that link for a million dollars. Or five million dollars if Trump is involved.

tracyhasfun October 24, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I know better…and I click it anyway.

weejee October 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm

just the shitz…

Chet Kincaid_ October 24, 2012 at 3:26 pm

My life has been improved by blindly clicking on that, thanks.

Geminisunmars October 24, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Somebody was very proud.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Healthy. Girthy. Overall: An excellent specimen.

starfanglednut October 24, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Agh! Why oh why did I click?

Giveusabob October 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Garth Brooks was brielfy the alter-ego indie rocker of moderate acclaim Chris Gaines. Since I can't recall having seen both Breitbart and Brooks in the same room together, might one assume Brooks has again returned to his true self, having completed his mission?

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I'm pretty sure there are more than two pasty-faced, pudgy schlubs in Wingnutland.

Incitefully_Joe October 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

You know who else's "cult of personality" collapsed after his entirely timely demise?

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Mickey Mantle?

Fare la Volpe October 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Walt Disney?

MissTaken October 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Jimmy Savile?

Callyson October 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Ayn Rand?

rickmaci October 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Richard III?

AlterNewt October 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Marjoe Gortner?

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Sun Myung Moon? Oh, wait…

mrpuma2u October 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

David Koresh?

FlownOver October 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Sidney Applebaum?

GlowneyHouse October 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Reverend Jim Jones?

LesBontemps October 24, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Herbert W. Armstrong?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Living Colour?

VodkaGoGo October 24, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Vince Foster?

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Jimmy Hoffa?

bobbert October 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

SorosBot October 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

God-Emperor Leto Atreides II?

Doktor Zoom October 24, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Or for that matter, Frank Herbert, seeing as how his offspring have fucked over the franchise….

SorosBot October 24, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Now be fair; Kevin J. Anderson bears as much fault for fucking over the franchise as Herbert the Lesser.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 4:37 pm

You see, I knew to stay away from that after seeing what Brian did to the Destination Void series first. Totally worthless ending to Herbert's other great series.

HelmutNewton October 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

L. Ron Hubbard?

doloras October 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Nah, that one's still going.

Incitefully_Joe October 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

No, I said "cult of personality", not "cult of personalities"

kingofmeh October 24, 2012 at 4:41 pm

they didn't really collapse. i mean, they spent some time hanging around after he died.

Gleem McShineys October 24, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Sarah Palin

Oh, wait, "too soon."

HistoriCat October 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Not soon enough.

GeorgiaBurning October 24, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Emperor Norton?

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

the people at the top of the masthead are so unresponsive that one employee sent a notarized letter to inform Pollak he was quitting.

Errr, if the intent was to be read, wouldn't a certified letter work better?

Giveusabob October 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I'm guessing a singing bellygram might be more effective. Especially if you can get them to do COD.

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

To Breitbart.com?

Do they have male bellydancers?

Callyson October 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm
actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Y'know, I should have known.

SavageDrummer October 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You're talking about an ex breitbarter here… I'd be shocked if it wasn't smeared with poop first…

Terry October 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

What about spelled out in lines of coke on the belly of an underaged prostitute, gender negotiable.

Dudleydidwrong October 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"Candygram for Mongo! Candygram for Mongo!"

"Ex Lax candygram for Breitbart.com."

Yellerdawg October 24, 2012 at 3:09 pm

They will schism. One sect will end up worshiping BB's cousin and his descendants, the others will worship different leaders. Eventually, they will attack each other's pilgrimages and funerals, then just start to blow things up pretty much randomly. Oh yeah, and don't ever draw a Breitbart cartoon.

Estproph October 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

But only after one of them posts 95 ridiculous rantings on the front page.

GeorgiaBurning October 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I'm more than OK with that as long as they have no control of any useful natural resources.

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 10:24 pm
HRH_Maddie October 24, 2012 at 3:09 pm

But just so I'm clear, Breitbart is still dead, right?

rickmaci October 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Nobody reported seeing the wooden stake in his heart so I am sticking with "allegedly dead Breitbart."

LesBontemps October 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I'm gonna believe he's dead because it makes the world a better place.

Generation[redacted] October 24, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"If you believe in Dead Breitbart, clap your hands!"

MonkeyBiz October 24, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Saying "Andrew Breitbart was a terrible person, and in his death he has made the world a better place than he did in life." was what got me banned from Gawker.

Chow Yun Flat October 24, 2012 at 9:00 pm

They get a bit touchy over there.

BornInATrailer October 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm

How many Pollaks does it take to slant the news?
One.

Joshua Norton October 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Ghost Breitbart’s ‘Happy Cult’ Degenerates Into Sad Mess Of Confusion And Backbiting

You say "degenerates", I say "raises their journalistic standards".

Potato, potahto.

Crank_Tango October 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Well, on the bright side, Breitfart died in the gutter like a common crackwhore.

Dr. Matt October 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

That's a disservice to common crackwhores.

Terry October 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

More like a disease ridden wharf rat.

zumpie October 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Very insulting to disease ridden wharf rats.

I'm good with comparing him to roaches or pigeons, though

Fare la Volpe October 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Don't. The roaches and pigeons have great unions.

Tequila Mockingbird October 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Breitbart, I served with common crackwhores. I knew common crackwhores. Common crackwhores were friends of mine. Breitbart, you're no common crackwhore.

MissTaken October 24, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I feel sorry for the gutter.

Wile E. Quixote October 24, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Not true, unlike Andrew Breitbart the average common crackwhore doesn't have a frothy mix of semen from at least 12 different men, ground up oxycontin and Adderall tablets, Four Loko and Taco Bell Dorito Tacos in their stomachs when they expire, it's pretty much just crack and jism.

MacRaith October 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

“If he knew he was going to die, I’m sure he would have called a dinner the night before and given us the tablets or something…. But he didn’t.”

And, of course, the fact that Breitbart didn't know he was going to die is proof that he was killed on Obama's orders. Hillary Clinton probably did the actual deed.

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

You know what *other* cult was started by someone being handed tablets?

Fare la Volpe October 24, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Dubstep?

LesBontemps October 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

The AMA?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Apple?

doloras October 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Judaism!

FlownOver October 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Well, they obviously swallowed tablets they got from someone.

Dr. Matt October 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

God I miss Breitbart, said no one.

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"An empty cab pulled up to the curb and Andrew Breitbart got out…"

Gorillionaire October 24, 2012 at 3:46 pm

His coke dealer. Maybe.

Callyson October 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Breitbart.com has described BuzzFeed as "a left-wing rag;" has turned our editor's name into a verb, "Bensmithing," meant to describe a sophisticated form of journalistic malpractice in which damaging facts about Democrats are reported as a means of covering them up…

We had to disclose the facts to hide them.

/FFS

Fare la Volpe October 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

How does…what the…I mean that…fuck.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Come one, Fare, it's all ball bearings now days. If you report the facts, there is no cover up, so there is nothing to report. It's like how Obama said 24 hours that we would not bend to terror, or told CBS the next day that the attack on Benghazi was more than a unorganized mob. Clearly he said this to make sure that the cover up succeeded.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

The logic is sound. But the execution seems risky.

MonkeyBiz October 24, 2012 at 5:31 pm

The first one is rather nutty, but there is truth in the second; just not the truth the Breitbart Army thinks there is.

See, reporting damaging facts about Democrats is viewed as a way of establishing false credibility. By being able to point and go "Look, we go after Democrats too!", you're establishing non-left wing credibility.

Of course, that all goes out the window as soon as you report regular old non-controversial facts that disagree with what the Breitbart Army agrees on, or print something damaging about a Republican. Then you're just another partisan hack.

So really, the only answer is to continue to print damaging stuff about both parties in the hopes that the non-bugfuck crazy one will change, and the other will die off.

edgydrifter October 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

This is what Conservative Jonestown looks like when the leader expires ahead of schedule. Everybody is arguing about what flavor Kool-Aid to use and nobody remembered to pick up paper cups at the store on their way to Guyana.

asterixaverni October 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm

What is with the fucking ponies?

…“bugfuck-crazy irresponsibility,”

I've been hoping that his website would really explode with the insanity after his death. That another bat-shit crazy asshole would emerge and take his place on the Throne of Dumbfuck, but sadly that hasn't happened. Probably won't. He may have been the only functional pyscho in the land of the insane.

Joshua Norton October 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

sophisticated prank

I don't think "sophisticated" means what they think it means.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I don't know, when I think sophisticated, I think dildos and clichéd pimp outfits.

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 3:52 pm

You and me both, Lionel.

bikerlaureate October 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm

The idea of stunts or pranks driving "national news cycles for days” was irritating… until I remembered that the media being manipulated is much more interested in a horse race to drive ad revenue than anything resembling "news".

tessiee October 24, 2012 at 10:30 pm

"I don't think "sophisticated" means what they think it means."

Given their intellect, my best guess would be "remembering to run away after ringing the doorbell, instead of just standing on the doorstep with their mouths hanging open".

Estproph October 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Like hillbillies fighting for the last piece of cornpone…

Dudleydidwrong October 24, 2012 at 3:35 pm

…or over who gets to sleep with sister tonight.

MonkeyBiz October 24, 2012 at 5:32 pm

My uncle (a New Yorker) refers to my sister and I (both native Hoosiers) as his Cornpone Niece and Nephew. In fact, when writing him emails, I sign them "CPN".

No real relevance, other than this is the second place I've heard the word "cornpone" used, the first being from my uncle.

dr_giraud October 24, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Goddamnit Jethro, you done et ALL the possum pie.

elviouslyqueer October 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

But Breitbart is still dead, right?

Good. Just checking.

DEIT: Damn you, HRH_Maddie!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 3:51 pm

And apparently getting deader and deader by the day.

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm

“plagued by an unusual degree of disorganization and rampant infighting as his disciples battle for ownership of his legacy.”

Damn. Jesus' disciples didn't start that sort of thing for a couple of centuries.

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:33 pm

"unusual"?

doloras October 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Yeah they did. Within ten years Paul was on the scene and wrestling for control with Peter and Jesus's brother James.

Oblios_Cap October 25, 2012 at 8:25 am

Still longer than AB's followers.

evodevo1 October 24, 2012 at 4:32 pm

What doloras said – didn't take long LOL !!

Oblios_Cap October 25, 2012 at 8:24 am

I guess I've forgotten a lot of my church history in the 40 years since I stopped going.

KeepFnThatChicken October 24, 2012 at 3:23 pm

They don’t even know how to do basic stuff, like, what a lede is. Like, maybe you should inform your readers in the first paragraph what your story is about

Or don't give a fuck anyway, and just print what your hot little angry hands say first. Ghost was probly all like: "Get me those five goddamn thousand page views, or vote for Obama out of your cardboard box!!"

Oblios_Cap October 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm

the site “lost a media savant

He wasn't even an idiot savant. Just an idiot.

DemmeFatale October 24, 2012 at 3:41 pm

This is as brilliant as your avatar.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Chaos Ponies!

deanbooth October 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Can I have some Schadenfreude sauce with my News McNuggets?

MissTaken October 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Never let Derpy Hooves drive the bus, and never let Breitbart's Ghost drive your career.

cousinitt October 24, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Breitbart married the daughter of Orson Bean. Orson's father George, helped to found the ACLU. Orson appeared on To Tell the Truth teevee game show. Sadly, the corrupt lawyers at the ACLU stopped our hero from uncovering the truth before Breitbart could stumble to the next gay bar to use the pay telephone and call in his Pulitzer Prize winning expose of whatever it was he was going to write when he was assassinated by a lethal injection of cholesterol.

asterixaverni October 24, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I think the goddamn ponies took him out.

Doktor Zoom October 24, 2012 at 3:37 pm

See, I thought that was going to end with something about Breitbart getting divorced due to his pathological inability To Tell the Truth.

deanbooth October 24, 2012 at 3:47 pm

We played TTTT when I was a kid. I was Orson, and I still call my brother Bud (Collier).

actor212 October 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Orson Bean also voiced Frodo in that hideous Bakshi Rankin-Bass television version of LotR.

(edited to correct for serious stoneage in the late 70s)

Goonemeritus October 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

“These days, the only time reporters pay attention to Breitbartians is when they’re clicking the “block” button on Twitter”

Speaking of which you know what would improve Intense Debate, a block follower option.

Rotundo_ October 24, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Given what a roiling clusterfuck ID is, the thought of someone trying to add a feature and mess with code that already is buggier than a Tiajuana cathouse sends a real cold shot up my spine. It would probably blow up the internets.

zumpie October 24, 2012 at 3:30 pm

1. Always happy to hear about Puggies crashing and burning and revealing their asses

2. While I'm sorry poor, sweet Fluttershy looks so scared (though I'm sure Dashie will save her in the nick of time, as always), it looks Spike's gonna buy the farm. Getting him off my screen would make me very, very happy.

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I'm seeing the words, but I'm not comprehending them…

Tundra Grifter October 24, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"… rampant infighting as his disciples battle for ownership of his legacy."

As in?

"You take it!"

"Hell no! I'd rather live on a toxic waste dump. It's yours!"

"Oh no you don't! You can't stick me with that pile of crap! I don't want it!"

"No way! You promised us you would take it!"

&c.

proudgrampa October 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

So how does Riley feel about all this?

Esteev October 24, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Horny?

sullivanst October 24, 2012 at 3:35 pm

So, the corpse is starting to disintegrate? Sorry, wingnuts, looks like his chance at beatification is gone.

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I dunno. I've been watching "Walking Dead" and…

MonkeyBiz October 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

So long as there is still enough muscle and tendon attached to those bones, they will shamble on. There's an army of zombie right-wing media sites out there.

TribecaMike October 24, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Reassuring to know that being a high-functioning alcoholic needn't effect one's leadership abilities. Now if I can only get my business parter/wife to fall for that yarn.

HarryButtle October 24, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Hey, what's with the little dinosaur on the pony bus (bottom left corner)? And the little alligator-thing (same corner)? I was led to believe that this pony club was exclusive…

BadKitty904 October 24, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Plus the angry bunny in the back? And WHO THREW THAT CUPCAKE?!?!

TribecaMike October 24, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Doktor Zoom has a long history of heresy.

MissTaken October 24, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Spike is Twilight Sparkle's baby dragon assistant and Gummy (the baby alligator) is Pinkie Pie's pet. It's okay, though, he has no teeth.

I need help.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

No you don't. Why did they attack the bus driver?

bobbert October 24, 2012 at 4:02 pm

And why is the driver wearing a winged cupcake on his/her/its hat?

banana_bread October 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Gummy the alligator is Pinkie Pie's pet. Spike the baby dragon is Twilight Sparkle's unpaid intern.

Stop staring at me, I have a five-year-old daughter.

…okay fine, and I like the show. It's wacky!

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 24, 2012 at 3:44 pm

This is EXACTLY like when Mrs. Garrett left The Fact Of Life.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 24, 2012 at 4:06 pm

And when Richie left "Happy Days"

Doktor Zoom October 24, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Or when "Cousin Oliver" moved in with the Bradys. Or the Partridges, I don't remember and am too lazy to google it.

SorosBot October 24, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Even Oliver wasn't as much of show destroyer as the similarly-named Olivia on The Cosby Show.

BornInATrailer October 24, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I'm not a Brony hater because that would be far too trendy. But I think we need to pump the brakes on the Ponies.

widestanceromance October 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

And I bet every tile surface in the restrooms has been razor-scratched to rubble by now. Once the coke residue + dried sweat was gone, they simply kept snorting porcelain dust. Now that's gone and it's getting ugly.

mbobier October 24, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Self-awareness? On the part of Andrew Breitbart? I think not.

banana_bread October 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

For the record, I love the ponies. And the popcorn.gif-worthy post.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Given that most Conservative bloggers just make shit up, and then repeat the shit that other Conservative bloggers made up ("Apology Tour," Birth Certificate, etc. etc.), how is this any different than normal?

mbobier October 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I do so enjoy the chomping, smacking sounds of the wingnuts eating their own young.

mavenmaven October 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Breitbart? That was SO 2011.

102415 October 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I just want to know when I stop getting stalked.

mrblifil October 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Worst. Bukkake. Gathering. Evar.

Trinket October 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I never imagined I would actually miss Andrew Breitbart.

bobbert October 24, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Neither did I. And I don't.

glamourdammerung October 24, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Is any of this different than when Breitbart was alive?

RufusTFirefly October 24, 2012 at 5:21 pm

You had me at "amiable personality."

TribecaMike October 24, 2012 at 5:58 pm

This is the Devil's revenge for having to come in contact with that shitheel Breitbart.

C_R_Eature October 24, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Andy Breitbart's dead but I'm not.

Marylin Monroe is So Hot.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 24, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Sort of like the decline of National Review after Buckley kicked the bucket. (I know Buckley was actually smart and stuff, but death has sort of a leveling effect.)

BoroPrimorac October 24, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Breitbarts = The type of diarreah that sprays out of your ass when you have a wine hangover.

LibrarianX October 24, 2012 at 6:50 pm

"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right…"

boskolives October 24, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Andrew Breitbart's death was called "sudden"?
My adjective of choice would have been "overdue"

shelwood46 October 24, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Nolte was in a twitter stream I was following during the debates. Every single tweet made me want to hunt him down and punch him in the face while screaming, "Die, clueless idiot!!"

With votes.

ttommyunger October 24, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Even fleas have enough sense to jump off of a dead host.

chascates October 24, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Just imagine if that had happened to a certain alleged historical religious figure.

SorosBot October 24, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Other way around; she's roped me into the pony thing. However if she starts quoting Buffy too then you can blame me.

Fare la Volpe October 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm

YOU ARE THE BESTEST BOYFRIEND EVER.

Doktor Zoom October 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm perfectly fine.

In fact, I'm PONYRIFFIC!!!! Muffins for everyone!

MissTaken October 24, 2012 at 4:07 pm

he is :)

SorosBot October 24, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Aw, thanks hon.

C_R_Eature October 24, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Well I, for one, have really warmed up tho the whole MLP idea and now think it's Cleverly Ironic. Also, you've opened my eyes to the world of the Brony. A thing I would never have imagined. Therefore, I feel I need to return the favor.

Behold: My Little Cephalopony.

shelwood46 October 24, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Not anymore. They put in the world's worst commenting system and seem to have no way to ban anyone ever now. The wingnuts and stormfronters figured this out and invaded. It is truly a shithole at this point.

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