two hearts beat as one

You will remember 2008, yes? When “Joe the Plumber” seized the nation’s imagination and served as the nation’s templar for our hopes that there was a secret groundswell of angry anti-Obama voters who would make the race close and give reporters something exciting to cover on Election Night? And then how none of that happened and McCain lost in ignominy and Sarah Palin was not our first hot lady Vice President?

Well, Joey the Biden went back to Toledo (where Joe the Plumber is completely failing to run for elected office), and was confronted by an eater at a restaurant who TOTALLY OWNED HIM and maybe that means that Ohio is close and Obama won’t win maybe?

Vice President Joe Biden got an earful from a voter during an unscripted moment at Schmucker’s Restaurant here in Ohio.

Making an unexpected stop after a campaign rally, Biden stopped in the diner — known for Grandma’s Swiss steak and chicken over biscuits — to chat with patrons.

One voter — who called Biden “a good guy” — confessed to reporters that he still wasn’t a fan of the Obama administration or the vice president .

“Before that, I told him to enjoy his last couple of months,” the man, who declined to give his name, said. “Just because you’re a good guy doesn’t mean you’re a good vice president.”

Be prepared for “Schmucker’s Voter” to become A Thing, because this is the first contact most of the traveling press corps has had with an actual human being in months and so we must have all become beef-obsessed Bidenphobes since whenever the hell the GOP primary ended.

Oh, who are we kidding, we all fucking loved beef from the day we were born. With a hot side of Joe Biden.


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  • EatsBabyDingos

    I have a recipe for Swiss steak that calls for a three pound Swiss banker tenderloin. It tastes like a t-rump roast, but with much less fat and fake hair.

  • Just cause a guy lies to everyone he talks to, can't find Iran on a map, doesn't have a clue and has an R after his name means you should make him Preznit either.

    • But, but, but … his wife LOOKS LIKE A FIrST LADIE!!!!!!!!11!!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    "With a name like Schmuckers… Oh, who are we kidding? It's probably a rathole."

    • emmelemm

      Mangled baby ducks.

      • Ten-Thousand Nuns and Orphans.

        • glasspusher

          Eaten by rats

      • Biff

        Painful rectal itch.

  • elviouslyqueer


  • cousinitt

    Well, I guess Biden can write off the schmuck voters.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      All the schmucks are already in the tank for Romney.

  • mrpuma2u

    Maybe Rafalca can be the first Romney to serve in the military. That will show that mean old Joe Biden who is serious about defense.

    • LibertyLover

      I suspect Rafalca would be shot by his own troops.

      • mrpuma2u

        Frag tartar…

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Even the birds in Toledo, Ohio fly upside down because there's nothing worth crapping on there.

    • dr_giraud

      Not even Jamie Farr Park?

      • Biff


    • Except that the Toledo-area type of voter is totally going to decide who wins Ohio and thus the election. Or so divines Mr. Silver's Math & Numbers Emporium over at the Times.

      • glasspusher

        Long live the northern Ohio libruls, keeping the idiots in So Ohio in check!

        • Negropolis

          It really is basically a southern extension of Michigan. If we'd have won the 'war', Flint wouldn't be so lonely in its glorious squalor.

    • VodkaGoGo

      Ive crapped on the Amtrak station there several times.

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    Low information voter is as low information voter does.

  • zumpie

    But did OHJB call the Schmuckers's Schmuck "his friend"??

    • YasserArraFeck

      "My Friend" = "Bless His Heart"

  • FakaktaSouth

    Fuck that guy (obligatory schmuck reference here) Just because you're a rude, idiotic loudmouth doesn't mean anybody wants to hear what you say. I bet he doesn't even know what "makes" good VP – they aren't SUPPOSED to be war-profitting Presidency-usurping face-shooters you dickbag.

    • Esteev

      Also, they should be Republican.

    • prommie

      Fraudulent grounds for war-hyping, torturing, mass murdering war criminal, too, and bloodthirsty slaughterer of game birds. CIA-agent outing, lying, shrubbery-lurking creepy glaring sneer-monster as well. I hate that guy. I love you, though.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Never dying, Government healthcare using, heart wasting, terrible wife having, viet-nam deferring, Wyoming ruining, KBR soldier electrocuting asshole. Just, hate.
        I love you too.

        • prommie

          Halliburton deferred compensation receiving while funneling government contracts to them, multiple drunk-driving, self-appointing, snorkle-parka at a state funeral-wearing, clownishly incompetent being despite having some reputation for something or another, fucking NIXON AIDE douchebag. Loathing and contempt, too, with the hate. Love you!

          • emmelemm

            Question: snorkle-parka?

          • prommie
          • Gleem McShineys

            Man, look at the guy immediately behind The Dick in that photo. That is totally a look of utmost respect.

          • Biff

            You know who wears that parka well, in all situations?
            Kenny. Kenny McCormick, that's who.

          • Sigh….

            Get a room, you two!

          • I think you meant "Post video."

          • shawnthesheep

            Needs moar face shooting

    • bikerlaureate

      We need moar context. Does this anonymous patriot think that Ryan is also a good guy who will make a good Veep – or does he think that Ryan's a bad guy who will make a good Veep?

      And how many times has this guy seen Dinesh's movie?

  • Esteev

    I'm glad we still have a few voters concerned with the issues.

  • TribecaMike

    Dear Abby,

    A few months go, I left a snarky comment on Not Joe the Not Plumber's campaign site, and since then he's been sending me fundraising emails every week. Though I always reply with imprecations that would make a circa 1916 sailor blush, he continues to write each week. Should I notify the authorities or apply for a bank loan to buy more popcorn?

    Sincerely, Trippin' in Tribeca

    • SorosBot

      Dear Trippin';

      When leaving comments on a wingnut campaign site, always use a fake address.

      • TribecaMike

        Thanks, and I usually do, but his emails are so comically desperate in their pleas for $$ that for once I'm glad I gave the real one.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Maybe a couple of ass-wiped dollar bills in the mail would be an interesting campaign contribution.

          • Biff

            Because any low-level campaign worker who is dumb enough to work for him deserves that.

      • Crank_Tango

        I usually use something like

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Share some with us?

    • Democrats are much more clever. I sent a drop-dead-buddy E-mail to Sen. Bob Menendez when he asked me to contribute to the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee. I told him I have and would continue to contribute to senatorial candidates of MY choice but I would not contribute to his committee because … DLC … Rahm … etc., etc. I was immediately and politely taken off the DSCC E-mail list.

      And put on the Re-Elect Bob Menendez E-mail list.

  • Picture caption should be:
    Joe the Plumber, failing to lay some pipe. Again.
    Also pictured, the delightfully zoftig Megan McWalnuts.

    • YasserArraFeck

      You Wish!!!!, Joe, you Loser.

  • mavenmaven

    Not interesting.

    • emmelemm

      "Bored now."
      -Evil Willow

  • Blunderthing

    Are all the schmuck-stupid fuck jokes taken? Damn.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Get these mutha-schmucking GOPs out this mutha-schmucking plane.

  • Schmannnity

    If Cleveland is The Mistake By The Lake, what does that make Toledo?

    • Esteev

      A Filthy Dildo?

    • The burning crud from the Cayuga River.*

      *I've been to Toledo.

    • BadKitty904

      As the old song goes, "Saturday night in To-LE-do, Ohio, is like being nowhere at all…"

      • No Springs, Honest Weight
        That's the promise they made
        So smile and be thankful next time you get weighed
        And wive and wet wive….

    • IncenseDebate

      Cleveland's path to the sea?

      • Esteev


    • pdiddycornchips

      Toledo has lots of auto industry workers so I would not put too much emphasis on what one Swiss Steak guzzling doofus has to say.

  • So Biden's the good, Joe the Plumber is the bad, and the rhubarb pie is the ugly?

  • YouBetcha

    What kind of asshole doesn't like Joe Biden? Everybody loves Joe Biden.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Kinda like when someone burned Tom Petty's house down. How the fuck can you hate that guy?

      • prommie

        He's a bit whiny, you have to admit, even if he is a Gainseville boy.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Well, so were the Smiths, but you didn't see anyone pouring gasoline on Morrissey's country estate.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Do not even let him judge Tom "American Girl" (fave) Petty. Ask him what he thinks about the fucking Cure for crying out loud. Those who warble with Robert Smith should not cast whiney stones.

          • prommie

            Hey now, I bought skinny-tie-wearing Tom Petty's first album back in 1978, I went to these things we had back then called "record stores," of course I would wear an onion on my belt, as it was the style at the time. Bought Parallel Lines, and The Romantics, too, and The Cars first record, all around then or 1979, which all this stuff we called "power pop" back then, but for some reason they were re-classified as something else later. And you hush about the Cure, or else there's some musical tastes of yours you wouldn't want outed is all I got to say.

          • YouBetcha

            You people are so fucking old. This conversation is depressing.

          • prommie

            Get off our lawn.

          • I still say if it isn't on a wax cylinder, it isn't a real Edison recording!

          • FakaktaSouth

            I would like it stated for the record that this dude is WAY older WAY WAY older than me, and that also, he likes a lot of current terrible music as well. But I am an old bitch and loving it more everyfuckingday. Old people get to say whatever and people just think it's the dementia, you know?

          • prommie

            And she is way younger, and I am DIGGGGING it.

          • Younger women are the best.

          • Biff

            Those people aren't old. MY people brought you things like the Jefferson Airplane, the Beatles, Rolling Stones, need I go on? Totally not depressing!

          • YouBetcha

            Don't you wave that cane at me, Grandpa!

          • prommie

            True fact: I will be graduating to a cane in 3 weeks, right now, still on crutches. So I do not have a cane yet, but hopefully I will soon.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            1978? Shoot, that album came out during my senior year in HS, 76-77, so you were obviously some kind of bandwagonning Prommie-come-lately!

          • prommie

            I have the T-shirt that says, I heard of them first!

          • SorosBot

            76? Hey that's the year I was born!

          • MissTaken

            You and the USA.

          • SorosBot

            And here I thought all those parades here in Philly were celebrating my birth.

          • prommie

            Get a room you two, while your still young enough to enjoy it.

          • prommie

            Fucking children. Yer makin me stompy.

  • Not_So_Much


    He looks like he's getting ready to go all 'True Blood' on her.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      I dont even like Meghan, but I'm afeared for her in that photo.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "One voter — who called Biden “a good guy”"
    The guy probably drives a Trans Am. That's why.

  • sullivanst

    I'm sure Biden will enjoy his last months as VP.

    In 2016.

    Also too, just because some brave goober makes snide remarks about you from safe behind their shield of anonymity, doesn't mean you're a bad VP.

    • Esteev

      Does lying about reasons to make war make one a bad VP, sullivanst?

    • Lot_49

      It does if you're an editor at Po'o and desperate for a story.

    • Negropolis

      I guess you haven't heard that Joe and Hillary are going to pull a freaky friday in 2014. At least, that's what the chattering classes go on about.

  • That's not the last one, either — I'm sure Mitt's got binders full of Schmucks he's just waiting to unleash on us.

  • Goonemeritus

    That Joe the Plumber guy is a shrewd politician, not many people 20 points behind in the polls would turn down a debate.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Unless they happen to be a gutless chickenshit. Then they would.

  • asterixaverni


    I don't know why but this is just cracking me up. Thanks for the laugh.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Then Joe told the voter "Just because your mother is a nice gal doesn't mean she's a good lay."

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Lol. I wish he had.

    • Redgyal


  • SorosBot

    John Doe's refusal to give his name proves that he really is confident in what he says.

  • pinkocommi

    Saddened that that voter's vote matters more than mine. Not bothered enough to move to Ohio though.

  • Terry

    I wonder how often Joe Biden when he's on these diner drop-ins has people confide in him that they know Barry is a seeekrit muslin?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Was he sitting on Joe's lap when he told him this?

    • prommie

      Maybe his wife was.

      • prommie

        Come on now, there's an obvious joke here, I set it up.

        • FakaktaSouth

          Something something, don't be making fun of gals who like to sit in old dude's laps? You would totally understand if something similar happened were we to ever encounter OHJoe, yes? I mean, he's on my LAMINATED list after all.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Romney's the man with the plan for land locked Afghanistan:
    Buy more boats.

  • Lucidamente1

    He added, "Yeah, I mean look at our guys, Agnew, Quayle, Cheney. All douchebags, but great VPs, right?"

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I am sure there are some really nice people that go to the restuarant just to eat. Others have to be dick. This is one stupid mother Schmucker.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, who's the blond with Detective John McClain up there at the top?

    • Lot_49

      Why that would be author, blogger, and MSNBC commentator Meghan McCain. The best way to get to know a person is to read a book she "wrote." One commenter did, and says her book is about the following topics:

      1. Her hair, make-up, high heels, and love of sparkly clothing with sequins.

      2. How mean Jenna Bush was for not wanting to hang out with her when she visited the White House.

      3. How desperately she wanted to be "First Daughter," and how girls, mainly Chelsea Clinton, though she's never actually mentioned by name, are uptight and ungrateful and should be more appreciative and excited that they get to be members of the super special "daughters-of" club.

      4. How she just can't help dropping the F-word, even when she's in a professional setting, like a presidential campaign. She just can't help it, guys! It, like, slips out! That's, like, just who she is and how she talks!

      5. How her mother, Cindy, told Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston that she'd love to be their child's godmother, and how sooooo rude it was that Bristol and Levi weren't flattered by this and didn't take her up on the offer.

      6. How she got wasted in Nashville then announced to everyone at a bar that her dad was running for president.

      7. How she got so hopped up on Xanax that she missed several campaign stops the day before the election day.

      8. The super gross hotels rooms she had to stay in while on the road with her dad's campaign. And how, like, one time she and her friends left a bunch of food outside a mean campaign reporter's hotel room so he'd step on it when he walked out into the hall the next morning. Isn't that, like, the funniest thing ever?

      9. How totally unfair it was that the Palins, including 7-year-old Piper, had people to do their hair and make-up for them, meanwhile Meghan had to do her own hair and make-up. I mean, can you believe that?!?

      10. How the people at GQ Magazine are jerks for publishing a picture of her (a picture she willingly posed for, mind you) sprawled out on a hotel bed, dressed in a low-cut top, and sipping a beer while playing on her computer. And how shocked she was when her father's campaign was upset about the photoshoot. Couldn't they see she was in her early 20's? How was she to know any better? Jerks!

      11. How much she just loves hanging out in her pajamas and UGG boots. It's, like, the best.

      12. How everyone on her dad's campaign thought she was a spoiled brat who didn't deserve to be there and how, like, totally not cool that was!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        "hopped up" on Xanax?????

    • Negropolis

      Oh boy, you flatter the fuck out of Samuel Not The Plumber. He ain't now Bruce Willis.

  • HempDogbane

    I'll have the Grandma’s Swiss steak and chicken over biscuits combo, with fries, and give me one of what Joe's smelling up there instead of the pie.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Can you smell what the Joe is cookin'?

  • kyeshinka

    He looks like a guy at my gym. Except I kinda doubt he goes to a gym.

    • Callyson

      I thought I saw him somewhere. Now I remember why I started working out at home.

  • prommie

    You know, as much as every right-thinking decent person on earth just has to love Old Handsome Joe Biden, the fact is, I don't think heckling a VEEP can ever give you the fame that heckling a black president can give you. This Joe the Unknown Biden-Hater just didn't aim high enough to gain the status of a Not-Joe the Not-Plumber. Ya gotta pester the top of the ticket if you want to become a Thing.

    • BadKitty904

      Truly. Being "Some Random, Ill-mannered Dick in Ohio" is no kinda path to Fame and Glory…

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Do we really care what this one voter thinks? I just want to know what his millions of dollarses thinks.

  • Callyson

    Is that thing on his chin supposed to be a goatee? How 1990's…

    • kyeshinka

      I know. Just throw in some Big Head Todd and the Monsters and it's a party.

      • SorosBot

        But this is Ohio, so the height of fashion today is where it was in 1993 in the civilized world. I'm surprised he's not wearing flannel and a knit hat indoors too!

  • widestanceromance

    Dude is lucky Joe did not use Schmucker's face to wipe Schmucker's momma's poon off his VPness.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I'm not a good guy, I'd have told him to shut up and eat his anus burger.

  • i realize this is where the 'undecided (idiot)' votes preside but god i'm getting sick of these swing states and their goddamn restaurants and their aggressively homespun menus.

    and this election.

  • Estproph

    Well, I guess that's it.

    Obama's lost now, So has Elizabeth Warren. Probably Tierney too, so I'll be stuck with a teabilly rep. Some guy in Toledo thinks Biden isn't a good VP. It's all over now.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Megs is radiant in that picture. Joe looks like a syphlitic dick.

    • zumpie

      That was back when she was dreaming about being Princess Meghan, eventual queen of Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan or at least the rubble that would've been left where those countries once stood after DAddy's bombings and "liberations" were complete

  • LibertyLover

    Aw… it was probably just Todd Palin — his wife just wants to know what a VEEPEE does every day anyway….

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    If this guy is a regular at a place that serves swiss steak and chicken over bisquits, I am not sure HE will make it two months.

  • MissTaken

    I don't miss Joe the Plumber, and based on that pic, I'm sure Megs doesn't either.

    • SorosBot

      You can read what she's thinking in her eyes; "Please get this creep away from me! And 'Joe' stop staring at my boobs!"

      • Wait. Can you use the word "thinking" when related to Meg McCain. I need a grammar Nazi here for a ruling.

  • Disassembly

    This is not a big fucking deal.

  • Generation[redacted]

    I heard most people don't vote on the issues, the vote for the guy they would rather restore a '78 Trans Am with.

  • With a name like Schmucker's, it has to be goyim.

  • DahBoner

    Lean into it, Joe.

    OT: SLC newspaper endorses Obama, says "too many Mitts"

    • T3rbo

      So what? The Kolob daily press endorsed…oh fuck, they endorsed Gary Johnson…

  • Esteev

    Nothing, never mind. Silly me.

  • Biff


    • glasspusher


  • I recognize Joe the Plumber in the picture above but who is the bald guy whispering in his ear?

  • We can only hope that non-Joe the non-Plumber is an inspiration to all wingnuts, and that they half ass everything and don't vote.

  • An_Outhouse

    I thought Schmuckers made jelly.

  • Beowoof

    Well hey this Schmuck Voter who will vote for a Schmuck will really come to appreciate what Joey B did for him if Rmoney wins. Because I am pretty sure he won't be eating in the dinner anymore, he will be out checking the dumpster for lunch with the rest of the unemployed morons.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    I can't wait for Joe the Plumber III: The Clowning.

  • When you've lost the Schmucker's vote, you've lost the…well actually you haven't lost much of anything.

  • MinAgain

    He said he isn't a fan of the administration; he didn't say he isn't going to vote for them. Schmuckers is in the tank!

  • Imagine finding a schmuck at Schmucker's.

  • ttommyunger

    Alt Cap: "It's O.K. Megs, I'm a strong swimmer."

  • glasspusher

    Northern Ohio is fairly liberal, southern Ohio is depressing. Almost the third world. I know, I did grad school in Cleveland and my company had manufacturing in Ohio for a couple of years. All the closed down plants- GM, Delphi NCR. There are some good folks living there, though they're few and far between.

    • Negropolis

      I think it's probably more fair to say given Northwest Ohio's liberal lean that freepers are fewer and further between.

  • Negropolis

    He turns into a tough guy when the cameras, come, huh? I bet you he didn't say anything but "nice to meet you, sir" to Biden's face.

  • Negropolis

    Silly, you don't yell at the old Irish street-tough from Scranton, you yell at that one.

  • Sassomatic

    I'm not sure how one could be a bad VP. Shooting someone in the face would qualify I suppose. But then getting the victim to apologize on television is . . . impressive?

  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    Silver lining: by 11/6 this voter will likely be dead of a coronary from eating at Schmuckers on a regular basis

  • drstrabismus

    "…served as the nation’s templar for our hopes…"

    What is this "templar"? I don't think that word means what you think it means.
    "Template"? — "exemplar"?

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