RAFALCA GOES TO WAR  1:10 pm October 23, 2012

Fox News Cannot Believe Obama Is Unfamiliar With Cutting-Edge Weapon ‘The Bayonet’

by Kris E. Benson


Mitt Romney got his ass handed to him last night, but to be fair, sometimes he handed himself his own ass, like when he claimed that Syria was Iran’s “route to the sea” and also, most of the other times that he opened his mouth and words came out. (Maybe the moderator could have helped him out by asking a question about the Cayman Islands? Last we heard, those are foreign!) ANYWAY, probably the finest of these non-self-inflicted ass-handing moments came when Romney was comparing today’s military to the military of the early 20th century, arguing that Obama was going to leave America unsafe forever and ever by refusing to give the Navy a bunch of ships they never asked for. Obama replied that yeah, he’s going to give them fewer ships, because DUH, they use fewer ships, and also, fewer horses and bayonets, IDIOT. This, however, hurt Fox News’ feelings, as it is apparently still remembering with longing 1917 in Flanders Fields. And it also hurt the feelings of this one serviceman who Tweeted at Fox News that we still do use bayonets in the military!

Do we use FEWER horses and bayonets, however, like Obama said we do? Yes, as it turns out, we do! But not the POINT, sheeple. The POINT is that “it may not be clear who doesn’t understand what the military currently uses.” Got that? And Paul Ryan, who knows a little something about having his ass handed to him — well, Ryan is cute. But not too smart. So he is confused. Because gosh, how could the President have compared modern military equipment to horses and bayonets (which, according to Fox News and that one serviceman, we still use)?

What’s important is that we Keep America Safe.™ And we can only do that by increasing military spending, decreasing the deficit, and letting Poors die in the street from totally preventable diseases (except they won’t die in the street because of emergency rooms.) So NOW who’s winning the debate??
[Media Matters] [CBS News]

 
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{ 278 comments }

nounverb911 October 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Isn't that what McCain used in the War of 1812?

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

It's my recollection from history class, that McCain fired the cannon until the barrel melted down. Then he grabbed an alligator to fire another round.

Tundra Grifter October 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

We filled his head with cannon balls, and powdered his behind
And when we touched the powder off, the gator blew [1.] his mind.

===

[1.] "lost" in the original.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

The way he was whining last night, I think his own behind was in need of powdering.

Beowoof October 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I thought McCain only did things where he could crash the weapon somehow.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

He crashed all his horses. It was a bit of a scandal at the time.

Tundra Grifter October 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Well, if the troops are starving, it's a whole lot harder to eat a dead airplane.

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I believe Walnuts attempted – more than once – to bayonet an aircraft carrier with the closest sharp object to hand. A jet fighter, as it turned out.

MinAgain October 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Yes, but the Canadians still kicked his ass.

Terry October 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

McCain didn't fight. He just crashed a long series of very expensive flying machines.

el_donaldo October 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Needs more stabbing.

mrpuma2u October 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

If the poorz were given bayonets they would stab each other and reduce the number of them sponging off the excellent free emergency room care.

pepperpat October 23, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I don't want my tax dollars used to give free bayonets to them slackers! Let them earn their own.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm

If they can't have bayonets, they will resort to throwing stones. So messy!

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 12:39 am

Silly, that's what our lax gun laws are for.

el_donaldo October 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

ahem … with votes. (I forgot.)

hagajim October 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I am so fucking tired of the damn warmongering by these assholes. I think Obama said something last night about how we spend more than the next 10 countries combined to blow shit up and kill people. When is enough a fuckingnough already!

edgydrifter October 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

The point-counterpoint I heard on NPR last night addressed this:
Pundit A: Our current navy is larger than the next thirteen navies combined.
Pundit B: Yeah, but it isn't big enough to fight a land war in mainland China, so we need a lot more ships.

Jerri October 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I believe it was well over a decade ago now when the late, great Bill Hicks said, "After the first three largest armies there's a really big fucking drop-off, okay?"

I think of it every time Mittens bugs out over how big our military is/is not.

UW8316154 October 23, 2012 at 3:23 pm

The Hare Krishnas are the fifth largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports. So, who is the bigger threat?

UnholyMoses October 23, 2012 at 2:29 pm

When is enough a fuckingnough already!

Once the kids of the rich have to fight … ?

YouBetcha October 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

The schadenfreude is going to be extra special this election cycle. I might just enjoy tuning in to Fox News for a few minutes.

FlyOverGirl October 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Why hasn't Fox claimed that Mittens was just quoting Reagan, "my belief has always been . . . that wherever in this land any individual's constitutional rights are being unjustly denied, it is the obligation of the federal government — at point of bayonet if necessary — to restore that individual's constitutional rights.” ?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Even if he were quoting St. Ronald, the phrase "my belief has always been" coming out of Willard's mouth would grate on the ears.

Wadisay October 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

One of the happiest moments of the 2008 election was watching Barry declared the winner on Fox. Followed by…10…seconds…of…dead…air.

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Stop that, please. It's really embarrassing when I get an erection here at the office.

viennawoods13 October 23, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I loved Jon and Stephen announcing it.

Dumbedup October 23, 2012 at 1:50 pm

usually, to brave Fox News I have to be drunk AND stoned. I don't remember the experience the next day, and suffer less shame.

Lascauxcaveman October 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

There will be drinks aplenty at my election night party. But the single bottle of champagne will be sitting on ice until FOX News projects Obama the winner. That's when the cork comes out of the bubbly.

I'm thinking about 8 or 9pm Pacific time.

marinmaven October 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Election night 2008 Black & White Russians were flowing. I laughed, I sang, I danced, I cried happy tears, and I called friend's family in South Africa to hear them telling us that finally we Americans did something right. It was all good. Bush, the long national nightmare was over. Obama won. It wasn't the dark nightmarish experience of the 2000 and 2004 (or way back in 1984) election night. Those nights you just ball up all fetal-like with a bottle of hard alcohol in the dark and stare into the abyss.

Obama is going to win, right?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I tuned in to Faux back in 2008, just to watch them tremble and cry as they were forced to announce the winner. It will be even better this time around.

Loch_Nessosaur October 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Fox is currently using bayonets to scrape the bottom of the relevancy barrel.

freakishlywrong October 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

There's a pretty thick layer of horse shit to scrape through as well.

Troglodeity October 23, 2012 at 4:16 pm

The latest Faux Talking Point is that there are actually MORE bayonets in US military use now than in 1916, which proves that Obama is a Kenyan Muslim. Of course, if you factor in the fact that there are TEN TIMES as many US military personnel (active and reserve) now than in 1916 – about 2,200,000 versus 220,000 – the argument loses steam. But still: Kenyan Muslim!

skmind October 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Abraham Lincoln requested 188 thousand horses in his budget, and here is Nobama trying to sell horses to Japan.

Why?

Nostrildamus October 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Biff October 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Let those bastards raise their OWN wild mustangs!

mille derps October 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

He wants them to improve their dressage performance for the next Olympics?

Biff October 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Why?
The Japanese are well known for their miniaturization technology.

Tiny, tiny horses. To go with the tiny, tiny giraffes and such in rich people's menageries.

GunToting[Redacted] October 23, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Brony libel!

edgydrifter October 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

America will never be safe unless we increase funding for atomic laser bayonet research. This is why Obama is weak.

ChernobylSoup October 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Mossad stole the plans for those. But don't say anything; you might hurt Bibi's feelings.

vulpes82 October 23, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Morally weak?

kyeshinka October 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Bayonets! The Evil One will be coming for those next, because freedom! And moral compass and he'll shove it down our throat. USA USA!

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Didn't the mafia send all our surplus bayonets to Great Britain, for doing crimes with?

EnnuiThereYet? October 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

What about scimitars?!? We can't ignore the Persian threat.

Oblios_Cap October 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

We had better stock up on javelins.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

That's one of the cars mittens' daddy built, right?

bobbert October 23, 2012 at 4:27 pm

My second car. Pretty nice looking piece of shit. But cheap.

HistoriCat October 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Obama is down with the spears – it's part of his anti-colonial heritage.

schvitzatura October 24, 2012 at 9:13 am

Ixwa! The sound of Mitten being gutted (with votes, obvs)!

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Those wily Saracens…

finallyhappy October 23, 2012 at 2:04 pm

There was a toy one at the thrift shop I thought about buying along with a my little Pony for Halloween

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

"Ten minutes to Wapner."

poorgradstudent October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

…Really?

Okay, FOX News, I didn't think I'd say this, but you should probably stick to complaining about Obama not saying something that he actually clearly said.

PsycWench October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I'm not commenting much because I'm waiting on IT to send me a new TRS-80. It has TWO floppy disk drives!

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

We use a lot less TRS-80s today than we did 30 years ago.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

How do you expect to keep up with the Chinese then?

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

“It may not be clear who doesn’t understand what our IT department currently uses.”
-Fox News

PsycWench October 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

For which we can all be thankful.

UnholyMoses October 23, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Oh yeah? I type my posts on a typewriter after I first dictate them.

So there!

DahBoner October 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

On parchment?

UnholyMoses October 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Vellum

PsycWench October 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Then you telegraph them to the editrix?

Steverino247 October 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm

True story. The main frame computer at a large university in Texas was frequently "down." So much so that I named it "Linda" as in Lovelace because it went down that often. Once I posted notices around campus that the device had been so named, the device was magically repaired and never dropped again while I was there.

UnholyMoses October 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Carrier pigeon.

HistoriCat October 23, 2012 at 5:15 pm

What's wrong with something as solidly Murcan as the Pony Express, hengh??

gullywompr October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Seal Team Six uses laser sights on their bayonets.

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

And silencers!

johnnyzhivago October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

The real crime was when Obama let out the fact that we have boats that airplanes can land on and other boats that go UNDER the water.

Did the guy know what a security clearance means???

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 23, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Almost as bad as Romney letting slip about Syria being Iran's secret way to the sea.

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 12:57 am

You heard it here, first. Iran has a tunnel under Iraqi Kurdistan so they can get to Syria.

asterixaverni October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Oh for cripes sake… you just don't get it. See, bayonets are any where from $45 to $250 dollars. Battleships are several millions. See? Get it? With Romney as president he'll increase our National Security by getting the military more bayonets and horses and reduce the deficit. He's Fucking Brilliant!

Also, maps? Real cheap. His grandkids could draw him one in the sand. Srsly, this guy? Fucking brilliant. Ryan? Moron. But who cares, right? It's not like the VEEP matters anyway. And, Romney can fire him whenever he wants to.

finallyhappy October 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Pretty sure Romeny has been watching crappy Revolution where most fighting is done with swords and a few higher level people have horses. He thought it was a documentary

ph7 October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Mittbot Scissorhands will replicate himself for all future wars, in the process cornering the world's bayonet resources and pouring millions in his blind foreign convertible shelter munitions trust.

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

"We still use horses and bayonets."

Woah! Are we going to divulge details of enhanced interrogation now?

elviouslyqueer October 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Butthurt motherfuckers are butthurt. And motherfuckers.

DemmeFatale October 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Its really rich that this butthurt nonsense comes from the network motherfuckers that made fun of the "un-American" berets our Olympic athletes were wearing.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:04 pm

To be fair, those were both French and Chinese…

Loch_Nessosaur October 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I'm sure Fox forgot to mention that Rafalca got a draft exemption because she was off in France on a mission.

Lucidamente1 October 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

She's also good at scratching out "I love Ann" in the sand.

FNMA October 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

A friend has pointed out that Horses & Bayonets would be a kick-ass name for a cowpunk band.

Crank_Tango October 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

There is a restaurant on Fort Ord called the Bayonet and Black Horse. I dunno if it involves stabbing or not.

Boredw/Gravitas October 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Let's hope so.

BoroPrimorac October 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Sounds like the name of a skin head band.

Lucidamente1 October 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I, for one, am worried that we're behind in dirigibles.

asterixaverni October 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Oh! The humanity!

(sorry, I just couldn't resist)

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Oh, the Huge Hannity!!

(while we're on the subject of superannuated gasbags)

Beowoof October 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Is that in the sense that I took a huge "Hannity" this morning?

pepperpat October 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Too soon!!

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

And our carrier-pigeon technology continues to lag behind the Austro-Hungarian Empire's…

Oblios_Cap October 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I'm kinda up in the air with that one.

Nostrildamus October 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Oh, the huge manatee!

PennyDreadful October 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Only alternate realities use dirigibles. I learned this from Doctor Who, and Fringe.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 23, 2012 at 2:13 pm

And of course dirigibles that we can fly airplanes out of.

UnholyMoses October 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I hear the Brits are working on advanced technology Led Zeppelins.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

They have therapy for that now.

MittsHairHelmet October 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Romney would be doing great if the election was based on whose hair is more presidential.

Mumbletypeg October 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

*sigh*. You have been missed this election season, BostonJ.

MittsHairHelmet October 23, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Man I wish I could be here but career advancement has severely curtailed my Wonkette time. The promotion almost isn't worth it.

chascates October 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

The Blaze jumps in as well:
Bayonet & knife combat training is on the rise; we could be using more bayonets now than in 1916
The use of horses is on the rise and statues are being resurrected in their honor
Horses are also used for state and military funerals

NDeeeZ October 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

If he's used "muskets" instead of "bayonets," some Foxhole wouLd be pointing out that we have a Continental Color Guard (3rd Batt) of FIVE guys, so YES WE STILL USE MUSKETS!

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Also pulling wagonloads of Budweiser.

Callyson October 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

we still do use bayonets in the military!

And the last time bayonets played a decisive role in an American military conflict was…?

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

1865?

Terry October 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

WW2?

One of our family friends was injured at the Battle of the Bulge. He'd been run through the shoulder with a bayonet and had a big scar on the front and a smaller one on the back. He said that he passed out when he was run through and awoke to see a German soldier standing over him. The German said to him in English "Pretend to be dead or I have to kill you", so he played possum. Years later, in the late 60's when we'd all be swimming at the lake, he used to tell the kids that his wife (a lovely, mild mannered lady) had gotten mad at him and run him through with a butcher knife and that's how he got the scars.

CindynEncinitas October 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

The Battle of King's Mountain? Cowpens?

HelmutNewton October 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Actually, I read somewhere that Korea was the last time any outfit of the U.S. military actually performed a bayonet charge in combat.

FeloniousMonk October 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm
sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm

They make better in-trench weapons than a bolt-action rifle, so WWI?

They were of some use, obviously not decisive though, in Vietnam.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I think they were handy for stabbing your rifle into the ground to mark where someone died in battle. At least in the John Wayne movies I remember.

HistoriCat October 23, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I remember seeing a Marine instructor talking about a bayonet charge in Iraq when they were low on ammunition but Wikipedia only talks about the Brits doing so in Iraq.

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Obama, patting Romney's back: "I found one of those bayonet thingies!"

johnnyzhivago October 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Obama is ignorant of the major bayonet charges we conducted against Iraqis insurgents???

Didn't the SEALS kill OBL by putting a bayonet through his head or something?

Loch_Nessosaur October 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

At least Fox didn't tweet that dissin' on horses and bayonets was retarted.

johnnyzhivago October 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

The Marines have SWORDS also – I assume they are used all the time when they encounter those whirling dervishes in the Taliban?

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm

After they dazzled them with their spit-shined boots and polished buckles

Terry October 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

…and highly advanced use of foul language.

CindynEncinitas October 23, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Don't forget to bring a whip to the next war!

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Also, if the Japanese decide to get frisky again.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Jason McCord libel!

kyeshinka October 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Mittens wants to use laaayy-zurrs.

littlebigdaddy October 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

on sharks!

Terry October 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Not ill tempered bass?

DahBoner October 23, 2012 at 3:20 pm

TAKE ME TO DAH RIVER

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Pew pew pew!
I don't often get a chance to use that.

rocktonsam October 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Sometimes you have to go to war with the shitty equipment we give you to die for Merika with. If your horse dies, stab some soilder with your bayonet and take his horse, duh.
-rummy

Callyson October 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Also, the Monday morning quarterbacks are going on about how Mittens' strategy in the debate was just to play it safe and not make any errors or gaffes. If so, someone forgot to share that plan with the post-debate damage control team…

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

His strategy was to criticize everything Obama has done, and then promise to do the exact same thing, pretty much. It was weird.

pepperpat October 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

And also to be white, which automatically makes him more qualified.

GeorgiaBurning October 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

They hired Marv Levy as a consultant?

CindynEncinitas October 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Their special teams needed to be snappier.

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Also forgot to tell him about that Iranian coastline and lack of a shared border with Syria.

BoroPrimorac October 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Morning Cunt was saying that the more Mitt Romney lost, the better he looked. He was almost in tears when he had to admit that the president played Romney like a two dollar hooker.

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

"bayonet"

I dunno, sounds kinda French to me. Not sure why Fox thinks it is so great.

northernbassist October 23, 2012 at 1:39 pm

You hardly ever hear the correct "bay-o-NAY" pronunciation any more. Pity….

DemmeFatale October 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Remember how the butthurt motherfuckers (thanks, Elvis) at Fox didn't like the Olympic berets either?

bobbert October 23, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Nice av.

johnnyzhivago October 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Speaking of high tech weapons, why isn't the US continuing to invest in Observation Balloons and stealth dreadnaught technology.

mrpuma2u October 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Don't forget caltrops, catapults, and vats of boiling oil!

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 23, 2012 at 4:39 pm

You spilled the beans. We will have to kill you now. (with votes)

SexySmurf October 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

To save money the military should buy more unicorns cause that's like a horse with a bayonet on its head.

pepperpat October 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm

All Romney wants is some frickin' horses with some frickin' bayonets on their heads.

finallyhappy October 23, 2012 at 2:07 pm

The Navy is looking into narwhal training

Steverino247 October 23, 2012 at 4:14 pm

No, don't do that! My granddaughter would enlist!!!

Crank_Tango October 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I dunno if the Fox news soldiers know it, but bayonets are pretty much what you use when the shit hits the fan. So hopefully we don't use them all that often.

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

The the shit hits the fan, the shit also hits the Fox Chickenhawks' undies

Dumbedup October 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Right, as in, we are being overrun, fixing bayonets, drop the airstrike directly on us. It does happen from time to time

Oblios_Cap October 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

More triremes will both solve the jobs crisis and rescue the failing long oars industry. We'll need a lot of slaves manpower and oars in the Navy.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 23, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Seriously. I'm imagining an Iranian military strategist in the vein of Baldric, of Black Adder fame:
Baldric: Sir, I've got a cunning plan.
Adder: What is it Baldric?
Baldric: We launch our attack on america by taking our boats out of the water, hiking them through the mountains of Iraq, sneaking through war-torn Syria, and putting them back in the water in the Mediterranean. Once we clear the Strait of Gibralter, we'll have a clear shot!
Adder: Why not just go to the beaches down south?
Baldric: Romney will be expecting that, after finding out his new battleships can't get to Afghanistan.

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

While eviscerating the lack of a fucking Foreign Policy clue of the Macy's mannequin man, Obama mentioned the word 'bayonet', while not denying that they are still used in the military.

So therefore, and such like: Romney win.

You. Dumb. Fucks.

CindynEncinitas October 23, 2012 at 2:00 pm

NObama just wanted everyone to know he's edjamacated and he speaks French.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Why didn't he also mention our rising trebuchet gap, then?

OneYieldRegular October 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

It certainly is reassuring that a f-ing journalist can't distinguish between "fewer" and none even when he's just played back the actual quotation for the whole world to hear.

Gleem McShineys October 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Journalist? Where? I didn't watch, did Chris Wallace interview one?

orygoon October 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Really, this makes me tired. The units in the battlefields consistently needed more translators and more explosive-sniffing dogs, and always will, and these "opinion makers" are making a BFD about generally outdated hand-to-hand combat.

Typical GOP "supporting our troops" kind of behavior.

mrpuma2u October 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

From a bunch a chickenhawk weenies who would start crying after 5 minutes of carrying a rifle with the added weight of a bayonet.

freakishlywrong October 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Fuck these assholes. Obama could answer "What's your favorite colour"? wrong. Jesus.

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Blue – I mean yellooooooowwww…

MosesInvests October 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!

PsycWench October 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Jesus is MY favorite color. But I have been known to wear Satan from time to time.

elviouslyqueer October 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Oh please. His favorite color is and will always be black black black black BLACK BLACK BLACK.

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Just like Johnny Nice.

Veritas78 October 23, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Mitt's favorite color is plaid.

FlyOverGirl October 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Draft Rafalca!

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Rafalca isn't a draft horse!

memzilla October 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm

And why is nobody talking about the Trebuchet Gap?!

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Iran is 4 years closer to obtaining a gastraphetes.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I hear our national stockpiles of crossbows and pikes are dangerously low, too.

elviouslyqueer October 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

And catapults. NEVAR FORGIT TEH CATAPULTS.

CindynEncinitas October 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm

MOAR PUNKIN CHUNKIN!!

finallyhappy October 23, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Delaware has it- JOE BIDEN!!!

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

SPUD GUNS!

Hera Sent Me October 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm

The Army still uses horses, too. But entirely for ceremonial purposes, much like they use bayonets mostly to make troops on parade look fiercer.

Poindexter718 October 23, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Indeed!
According to Carson Kressley, bayonets are the fiercest battlefield accessory.

Toomush_Infer October 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

After reading Maddow's Drift, it seems clear that the theory here is – just throw more money at the military….with votes!

Terry October 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

They're looking for votes in places like Norfolk and Northern Virginia, whose economies are highly dependent on both the military directly and DoD contracts.

DahBoner October 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Welfare Queen Central…

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Mike Wallace must be spinning in his grave like a fucking hamster in a wheel right now.

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

In fact, Montgomery Burns is modernizing the security around his mansion by upgrading to dogs with bayonets in their mouth, and when they bark, they shoot bayonets at you.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Don't forget his autogyro defensive perimeter.

rocktonsam October 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

hey, is that the ghey rainbow over Mike Wallace's stupid kid left shoulder?

ManchuCandidate October 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

The Law of the Bayonet sez the man with the machine gun wins.

PubOption October 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm

See The Somme and Passchendaele for examples.

cognachas4paws October 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I'm confused – isn't Ryan supposed to be the smart one?

sullivanst October 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Relatively speaking, he is.

weejee October 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Someone needz to show Faux News the point of a Gerber Mark II, or a ka-Bar for you jarhead fanz. Unless you are doing something of a sneaky Pete special ops fashion, you only bring out the bayonets when something has gone very wrong and the bad guyz are coming over the wall.

di_da_is_alpha October 24, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Like in Benghazi? Oh, that would require rifles on which to mount the bayonets, not to mention actual security personal to hold those rifles.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

If I am remembering my war movies correctly, bayonets today mostly consist of a big knife that may be attached to the end of a gun but never is, and mostly just gets used by the guy with big biceps to clean his teeth. Oh, and they are handy for cutting open the boxes full of drone missiles when they get shipped UPS.

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Obama has destroyed our navy with his refusal to order new triremes, and our army by neglecting to train them to fight in proper phalanx formation!

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm

"Bad news, oarsmen, the captain wants to water ski!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 1:52 pm

And why has Obama refused to bring the USS Constitution back into active service?

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Actually, it is still a commissioned US Navy ship.

NDeeeZ October 23, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I heard Obama took a side trip to Charlestown MA cuz he heard he could walk all over the Constitution…

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Old Ironsides, also.

elviouslyqueer October 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

300 LIBEL!

kittensdontlie October 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

So we don't use horses in the military anymore?!! Yea,… just every Humvee, tank, and personnel carrier is power-rated by the number of HORSES under its hood!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

We should bring back all the frenchy sounding weapons. Trebuchet. Guillotine.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 1:33 pm

ESPECIALLY "guillotine"…

mrpuma2u October 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Rafalca assault squad to beat back muslin hoards!!! With bayonets! Freedumz ain't free libtards!!!!!!!!!!

Dumbedup October 23, 2012 at 2:00 pm

you know, if Mitt Romney astride a fancy white horse with a bayonet does not just capture the essence of the man I don't know what does.

Both Sides Do It October 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Making a completely true statement in response to a bullshit weasel statement is absolutely beyond the pale

Selling weapons illegally to the regime whose kidnapping of Americans swept you into office to finance an illegal war will earn you generations of veneration as Jesus' prophet

Kicking Arab translators out of the military and State Department because they might be in league with Arabs we're fighting, and also the gay ones we keep are kicked out also, because gay

Saying your five sons didn't join the military because . . . I can't even finish this one

Epistemic closure's a bitch

MinAgain October 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

So that's what Romney's increased military spending is for…developing smart bayonet technology.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Developing a Distant Early Warning system to deploy US bayonets in defense against incoming Chinese ICBMs…

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

A bayonet that knows Iran has a coastline?

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm

He needs access to some technology that would make him smarter than a bayonet. Or a butter knife, for that matter.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Has Obama been sharing our horse and bayonet technology with the Chinese? Isn't this the real scandal? How long until FOX, Brietbart and the Blaze get to the bottom of this?

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Rambo Libel!

Kid_Charlemagne October 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

We also need to close the dirigible gap with Russia!

anniegetyerfun October 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

No, not cute. Luke Perry forehead + widow's peak = slappable.

orygoon October 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I filled out my ballot this morning and in doing so I gave him the biggest slap!

missannethropal October 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Agreed. I would most definitely not hit that (except in the votey way).

Estproph October 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm

How the fuck can anyone be so stupid as to believe Fox News anyway?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

You have to understand why this is important to Conservatives. Halliburton has just come out with a new, upgraded bayonet. It has three hard drives, a LCD screen, and heat sensing technology. While it ways slighlty over 85lbs, they have them built in China and will be selling them to the military at the low, low price of $10,000 a piece.

Romney and Ryan are already meeting to find another two-billion in tax cuts to help pay for this acquisition. And just wait for the new modern horse that they want to obtain that is heavier than a Humvee.

GeorgiaBurning October 23, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Don't forget the promotion for the Army contract officer after they are delivered a year past schedule, costing $25,000 each.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Milo Minderbinder approves.

HRH_Maddie October 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Romney is trying to give the Pentagon 2 trillion dollars so they can up their cannon ball supply.

littlebigdaddy October 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Needz moar Charge of the Light Brigade.

natoslug October 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

David only needed a sling to take down Goliath. Obviously we need more funding for biblical weapons if we are ever to become a truly great nation.

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Clearly, you haven't seen the Army's latest Ben Hu(mme)r – all wheel drive, four horsepower, with whirling bayonets on the hubcaps

SayItWithWookies October 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Of course our Marines use bayonets, and fairly often, too — how else are they gonna shotgun a beer?

mavenmaven October 23, 2012 at 1:39 pm

How do people think he's "cute"? He answers in the same annoying manner, with those grimaces, facial tics, and squeeky sarcasm, as does Palin.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

What has the Romney campaign really upset was Romney's failure to use their prepared zinger: "Mr. President, we cannot allow a bayonet gap!"

imissopus October 23, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I made that joke on Facebook last night! Quit stealing my jokes, Lionel[redacted]Esq, if that is your real name!

Steverino247 October 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Make him answer to the Coca Cola Company.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 23, 2012 at 4:40 pm

If you knew my real name, then how could I stalk you?

Terry October 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm

"well, Ryan is cute."

In an Addams Family sort of way, I guess.

Disassembly October 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I believe you mean the Munsters.

Terry October 23, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Works for either.

orygoon October 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm

The Navy son is wondering what happened to his rum ration?

HistoriCat October 23, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Tell him you can only get that if you also accept the sodomy and lash.

a_pink_poodle October 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Because one naval destroyer in 2012 can't possibly do more damage than 10 destroyers in 1912!

Oh, it can?

Disassembly October 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

This news cycle will likely make many conservatives bitter and they'll cling to their bayonets and horses.

cheetojeebus October 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Kennebunkport, Romney's route to the sea.
And also such as, Imagine if we showed up on Iran's coast with 3 thousand Viking Longboats. Now that would be some fucking shock and awe.

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Chris Wallace would make a great Miss Teen South Carolina.

IncenseDebate October 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Bayonnettes – the girls' dance team from Bayonne, NJ?

MosesInvests October 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

How come we don't have as many 20-gun sloops of war as we did 200 years ago? HEEEENGH?

SorosBot October 23, 2012 at 1:52 pm

A weaker navy is such a disaster for America, considering all the potential threats on the high seas since the end of the Cold War like, um, uh – the Somali pirates?

natoslug October 23, 2012 at 2:13 pm

We should also be prepared to help defend our Japanese allies the next time the Chinese navy attacks with water cannons. And don't forget, the Chinese also now have an aircraft carrier. Sure, it can't be used to carry/land planes, but we obviously need to build ten more to counter this threat.

pepperpat October 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

You people can laugh about this but I'm loading up on pine futures, because when Romney is President he's totally ramping up Trojan Horse production.

Allmighty_Manos October 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

"And it also hurt the feelings of this one serviceman who Tweeted at Fox News that we still do use bayonets in the military!"

Yeah, they use them to pry out those last few pringles from the bottom of the can

sudsmckenzie October 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Its shit like this that makes me think I probably should just obsess on Brazilian tole-novas , or reboot Civilization.

Tio_Doidinho October 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Stick to telenovelas, much more fun & lots more skin. Gotta learn some Portuguese, though.

La_Cieca October 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Even Paul Ryan looks like he is embarrassed by this idiot talking point. "I can't believe I had to get up at 4:00 this morning to go on national television to make my sad smiley face and whine that 'the oceans haven't shrunk'. I was supposed to be meeting important money people to start cultivating for my 2016 campaign, and instead they've got me out doing podunk crap like this. Man, I was totally rooked!"

Esteev October 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Obama doesn't know that Cruise missiles are filled with bayonets?! He's not fit to be anything.

HelmutNewton October 23, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"Mr. President. We must not allow a mine-shaft gap!!"

Blueb4sinrise October 23, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Now it can be told [since there's a new thread] that Bamz's ATF has been sending horses and bayonets to Mexico!!!!!!!!!

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Yeah, sorry, wingnutz, but not only was Obama right on the substance, but the talk of aircraft carriers and submarines was actually kinda trite and dated compared to the real scope of our tech. Today the major size-savers are satellites and UAVs -i.e, drones- which mean we don't need to actually physically have ships patrolling every body of water we want to protect and physically look around at stuff, and we just need enough to operate in a given theater and rely on eyes in the sky for the rest.

This also means we don't need to worry about a repeat of the Bush apology tour of 2001, since our spy aircraft are increasingly unmanned.

Esteev October 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm

They kick like mules. Look like them too!

Edith_Prickly October 23, 2012 at 2:06 pm

you will tear my arquebus from my cold, dead hands.

owhatever October 23, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Don't bring a knife to a gunfight. Suggested alternative is to bomb the shit out of them a half-world away, or launch a Cruise missile from a nuke sub or a B-52, then turn loose the artillery and the fighter-bombers, let the helicopter gunships mop up, slam them with big tanks and missiles and lay down fire with automatic weapons. If the enemy gets even closer, through the mine fields, then shoot him in the balls. Closer, gut them with a combat knife.

Last time a bayonet charge was used was by Mel Gibson in a movie, leading his men uphill into machine gun fire and somehow being victorious. That was a movie, but the Foxies think it is real. Gimme an squad automatic weapon (SAW) every time.

Steverino247 October 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Actually members of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders made a bayonet charge in Iraq. Before that it was UK troops in the Falklands War.

Bayonets aren't used much today because they ruin your aim and can harm you and those around you more than any enemy. You pull them out and stick them on your rifle when you're low on ammo and the enemy is getting close. Or if you're bad motherfuckers like those members of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders…

Wile E. Quixote October 25, 2012 at 1:24 am

Gimme an squad automatic weapon (SAW) every time.

Sure, the SAW is a fine weapon but I'm more of an M-2 guy, a weapon that is so awesome that every time I fired one I wanted to smoke a cigarette and buy it flowers afterwards.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 23, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Don't forget our cutting edge research in the development of the incendiary Bat Bomb! Need moar batz! Senator? We need to requisition the contents of your belfry.

DahBoner October 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

My mom would have asked Paul Ryan:

ARE YOU HIGH? BECAUSE YOU SURE LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HIGH

GregComlish October 23, 2012 at 2:45 pm

This is what Fair and Balanced report on this issue would look like: First, pick 10 guys living in a Montana militia compound. Then ask them, if they were on a US Military mission and they had too choose only one accessory for their assault rifle, which one would they choose. 9 out of 10 dispshits will agree that while bayonets have style, the practical soldier would opt for something broadly applicable like a bipod or a laser sight. The tenth guy would acknowledge the validity of the other's arguments but dissent one the grounds that "sometimes you just want to stab a muslim in the face".

BoatOfVelociraptors October 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Romney: Bringing a knife to a drone fight.

NDeeeZ October 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

What with the polar icecaps melting and such, there is much more ocean that we need to cover, ergo–more floaty things.

DahBoner October 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

"Bayonet" sounds fucking French???

Shouldn't our boys have the finest German-made machettes available???

Generation[redacted] October 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

What our military really needs is massive funding into research to finally build the nude bomb.

Amanwithnoplan October 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Romney does kind of look like one of the guys who screamed "Let's go over the top boys, fix bayonets!" , who then slipped back into the trench as the brains of the 47% rained onto his still perfectly-coiffed hair.

HistoriCat October 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm

well, Ryan is cute.

Oh Kris – has it really come to this point? Maybe it's time to … you know, talk to someone. I mean really …

glamourdammerung October 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

If one does not know the difference between "fewer" and "none", they really should not be trying to nitpick.

eaglewon October 23, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Obama didn't say we don't use them, he said we have fewer of them. Were they watching the same debate?

Dr_pangloss October 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Yep we were issued bayonets (really just a big combat knife not a bayonet). Mostly just used mine to open ration boxes and MRE packets. Wasn't much good for much else.

ttommyunger October 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Oh right, the Bayonet is a cutting-edge weapon of war (pun intended). Let me give a quick example of just how last Century it is: "What two types of Bayonet Fighters are there?" and, "What is the Spirit of the Bayonet?". If you know the answers to these questions you are way too old to be fucking around on Wonkette. p.s. the first answer is tattooed on my right shoulder.

Wile E. Quixote October 25, 2012 at 1:20 am

"What two types of Bayonet Fighters are there?"

Well let's see, there's the kind that got cut in half by the TC's ma deuce and then there are the ones that you have the driver run over and pull a neutral steer on. Is that the correct answer?

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 1:45 am

S'posed to be the quick and the dead. In most cases, as in your scenario, it would be the dead and the deadest.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Wile E. Quixote October 25, 2012 at 1:58 am

Can you even put a bayonet on an M-16? I was looking at my Bushmaster and I suppose that you could mount a bayonet lug on it but it would be kind of flimsy and it looks like you'd probably end up bending the barrel if you ever had to use it, which would be lots of fun if you got more bullets again.

ttommyunger October 25, 2012 at 2:08 am

I was issued a Garand by the Army and a M-14 by the Corps so I just don't know. I understand the Army has de-emphasized the weapon but the Corps has not at present. I've been out since '70.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 12:55 am

Things never returned to normal after the Bayonet of Pigs disaster.

PurgedVoter October 24, 2012 at 2:09 am

A bayonet is the only stylish way to take a knife to a gun fight. If you want fashion and classic flair and are unafraid of a few blood splatters, the OKC-3S has a dynaflex grip, and is ergonomically grooved and designed to reduce repetitive stress injuries as you stab terrorists with the point of your favorite M16! While some say the M16 is going out out style, don't you be so foolish as to give it all up for an M4 carbine. Wait to see the still amorphous Individual carbine before you decide to give up on a good gun/knife combo! With a good bayonet, you can look forward to running out of ammo!

shawnthesheep October 24, 2012 at 4:37 am

Note to Foxterds: If you are going to be pedantic, details matter. Obama said we have fewer horses and bayonets now. He did not say we do not have any.

Ducksworthy October 24, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Marshal Petain is Fox's idea of a real leader and the Star Wars program is our 1940 Maginot Line.

niblick77 October 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

What does Faux News know about people in the military. They never served.

Wile E. Quixote October 25, 2012 at 1:17 am

Yeah, but they've compulsively masturbated to the beach volleyball scene in "Top Gun" 7845 times, which in their minds makes them tougher than members of Seal Team Six.

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