Here is a picture of Mitt Romney getting a shoe shine on an airport tarmac.Mitt Romney is a very busy man, you guys. He is busy now that he’s running for president, and he was busy back when he was a governor. So if your son dies and he gives you a call the day of his funeral, you should probably call him back RIGHT AWAY because he is very important! Very busy! Got that?

“I can’t believe you haven’t returned my call,” Romney said on one of the voice mail messages, according to [Gold Star Mother] Stephany Kern, speaking at her Westerly, Rhode Island home this past Saturday. “Here I am making a second call; I haven’t heard from you.”

Kern did not save the messages. This is the first time she has spoken publicly about them.

Kern’s son, Marine Lance Corporal Nickolas Schiavoni, was killed by an IED explosion in Iraq on November 15, 2005. […] Mrs. Kern says that many officials, including Romney and Senators John Kerry and Ted Kennedy, left messages for her the day after her son died. She felt unable to speak to anyone in those initial days. “I didn’t listen to any of the calls,” she says.

Only Romney, she says, complained in a second message that she had not called back.

Oh, and Romney called a third time, still bitching. Kern’s husband, who heard the messages, said the tone was “disrespectful” and “antagonistic” and “absolutely inappropriate.” When John Kerry and Ted Kennedy didn’t get return phone calls, they reached out to family members to find out whether and when Kern might want to hear from them. That is because they are losers. Only ROMNEY is really busy, which makes sense because he has so much more money than those other guys, which makes him more important, get it? Some people have all the nerve.

[The Phoenix]

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  • johnnymeatworth

    News flash, he's a dick! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!!

    • And he want's to become a penis potato – a dick tater as it were.

      • johnnymeatworth

        So does this mean we can call his sons tater tots?

        • Oblios_Cap

          Ron White will be pissed.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          tater twats.

    • The rightwing will defend this as Mitt's humane side

      • Esteev

        It's not like Mitt killed the kid.

  • nounverb911

    "I just baptized your son."
    –Mitt Romney

    • Urban_Achiever

      "YOU'RE WELCOME Kerns!!!!"

  • bikerlaureate

    I can't believe these moochers aren't buying my bullshit.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I'm sure Willard dead-baptized the soldier despite the fact that the mother didn't show the proper respect that a vassal should show their lord and master.

    Mormon forgiveness, and all that.

  • walterhwhite

    He's the CEO! How dare she not call him back?

    • PugglesRule

      "I called to offer you the required condolences. Why didn't you call back to offer the required gratitude?"

    • Does CEO stand for "Chief Excrement Orifice"?

  • BadKitty904

    What a contemptible human being.

    • Katydid

      I know, right? That Gold Star mother had some nerve not interrupting her mourning to help Mitt Romney's campaign for president. He had the decency to start campaigning in 2000, why didn't she have the decency to help him?

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    He just wanted to use her dead son as a campaign prop.

    • kittensdontlie

      Retroactively, Mitt considered the deceased and himself best buddies.

      • Loch_Nessosaur

        They retroactively went bowling every Tuesday night.

        • kittensdontlie

          Only when the live broadcast of Monday Night Football was unavailable.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Ornery rich bastards are lizardpeople too, my friend.

  • MinAgain

    Someone is just asking to get haunted.

  • Bezoar

    But on the other hand, he is very graciously elevating his foot for that servant in the photo. So he's not a complete asshole.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He had to give up the litle Black child that he usually uses for a footstool. He's running for President, for gosh sakes!

  • hagajim

    Mitt: "Look lady, I'm a busy muthafu&*er and I'm trying to run for Preznit for the 430th time, I need you to call me back so I can use you in a completely dickish and inappropriate way. Thanks."

  • orygoon

    He has Secret Service now, so I cannot punch him in the face. This pisses me off.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Not for long.

  • SorosBot

    Mitt really seems to have a problem with normal people who don't treat him as if he's somehow superior to them.

    • Lot_49

      When it's just so obvious….

      $$$ = favored by God

      • SorosBot

        It's the old Divine Right of Kings, only with "Kings" replaced by "The Ultra-Rich".

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Yes. This.

  • IncenseDebate

    Fox News is absolutely making the biggest deal out of this right now.

    • gullywompr

      How's that?

      • IncenseDebate

        By not mentioning it at all.

    • On Fox News, this PROVES that Mitt Romney is a genuinely nice person and not an asshole at all.

      • IncenseDebate

        Pretty much shows he's about as great as G.W. Bush. So, America will elect him.

  • chascates

    Several of his friends are generals however.

    • nounverb911

      General Tire and General Electric?

      • BadKitty904

        General Bullmoose?

        • Gordon Gecko?

        • elviouslyqueer

          General Payne N. Diaz?

    • IncenseDebate

      General anesthesia

    • tessiee

      General Specific?

      [no one is gonna get where that's from, I bet]

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Probably not General Motors though.

      • Negropolis


    • Esteev

      General malaise with the common folk?

  • Sue4466

    Of all the awful stories of Mittens's, this is one of the awfulest.

  • Not_So_Much

    You People are such a pain in the ass sometimes.

    • CindynEncinitas

      Fuck all y'all! Heart, Miffed rMoney

  • orygoon

    And Mr. and Ms. Kern, we here are all so sorry. I'm sure every day for the rest of your lives will have a lot of pain. It is the saddest thing ever.

  • YouBetcha

    The very fact that he would go to the trouble of leave a message for this riff raff should be humbling to us all. Mitt Romney is an exceptional human being.

  • Callyson

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

  • freakishlywrong

    OT but speaking of Backbiting Fuck-Tussles; I'm eagerly awaiting Snowbilly's outrage at Man Coulter for calling the President a "retard". No. No, I'm not.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    What an asshole. No, not your typical, run of the mill asshole. This kind of asshole that takes years to hone.

    • sullivanst

      Dare I ask how, exactly, one hones an asshole?

      • TootsStansbury

        I dunno but I would think if one was finely honed, it wouldn't produce poops with a nice taper to them.

        • Ruhe

          Or would the taper be deadly sharp, maybe? Poop talk is really liberating compared to rehashing all the same crap about Mitt being an asshole and Barry being a disappointing yet necessary option.

      • tessiee

        I think you have to be from France:

      • Lot_49

        Here's the model they submitted with the patent application.

    • Centuries, even.

  • sullivanst

    Good grief, I already knew the man was a dick, but seriously: what a dick!

  • FNMA

    Mitt probably wanted to share his own tale of wartime sacrifice, the time he went to France and, as a Mormon, was forbidden from sampling fine French wine and pussy.

    • HistoriCat

      Lots of guys went to Vietnam and never even wounded anyone; Mitt managed to kill an old lady in France.

      Game, set, and MATCH!

  • RomneysLogCabin

    Mitt, you're going to Mormon Hell.

    Mormon Hell is bad, right?

    • Oblios_Cap

      They can't drink, smoke, or use caffine or drugs, and they wear magic undies.

      I think this is Mormon Hell. Sarte, and all that stuff.

    • SexySmurf

      Well yeah, it's full of Mormons.

    • sewollef

      I think Mormon hell is the opposite of 40 virgins in a muslin heaven.

      I've just not worked out what that means…. and i wrote it.

    • Lot_49

      You don't get your own planet. Worse yet, all your wives are still alive, and you're still married to them.

    • tessiee

      There was an old issue of National Lampoon with "Denominational Hells": The Catholic Hell was for masturbating, the Episcopalian Hell condemned a snooty rich couple to dining in a greasy spoon with a rude waitstaff for the sin of eating oysters with the dinner fork, the Baptist Hell was for dressing immodestly, with a demon tormenting a couple with, "Neck! Neck! Or I'll make you PET!"… If there was a Mormon Hell, I don't remember what it consisted of.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Dang, I have the complete set on DVD-ROM right here. Unfortunately not searchable, but if you could remember the month and year I could go right to it…

        • tessiee

          December 1974, Issue #57, The Judeo-Christian Tradition

          • BaldarTFlagass

            For Episcopalians, eating oysters with the dinner fork.
            For Methodists, allowing the crabgrass to seed
            For Catholics, masturbation
            For Baptists, use of the flag as bunting.

            I guess Mormon's were just too far off the radar back then.

            Author, you ask? PJ O'Rourke.

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            I love the Wonkette research team!

      • PugglesRule

        There is no hell for Unitarians, other than listening to other people telling us we're going to hell for not believing in hell.

  • So this would be even more appropriate.

  • What did that lazy bitch have to do that she couldn't call back someone as important as Mitt? Bury a son, settle his affairs, grieve?

    • sewollef

      Grieving's overrated. I've done it and it's no fun.

      Did this phone call take place on a Monday? 'Cos I fucking HATE Mondays. I weep and wail all day long, right up to late morning Tuesday. I don't answer the phone, emails or IMs. I'm unbearable. Come Wednesday, I'm the happiest person I know.

      Mittens however, is a low-life cocksucker that should experience losing a loved one. See how many calls to his broker he takes then.

  • bibliotequetress

    And still, Mitt did not learn that people have "feelings" and "emotions."

    • PugglesRule

      He missed that entire unit in Social Cues for Sociopaths class.

      • viennawoods13

        I read that as cunts, not cues.

  • You don't call, you don't write, how's a brother to get some????

    • sullivanst

      What is Mitt, chopped liver?

  • "And here I was almost thinking about allowing you to touch the hem of my garment as I passed — but no, you're all 'I'm too grief-stricken about my dead son.' Look, lady, not having four more as I did is just poor planning on your part — if your husband had sold some of the stock he'd gotten from his dad, maybe you could've stayed home and raised them. But why am I bothering with this advice when you probably won't thank me for it anyway?"

    • UW8316154

      "…besides, your son wouldn't be dead if he had skipped the service and just gone to France instead. What kind of parent are you, anyway?"

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy with some long, pointy votes.

    • freakishlywrong

      Votes. Votes with serrated teeth.

      • Rusty votes, also too.

        • sewollef

          Those votes with nails in the end are the worst.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            I really like the votes that you could throw a body in, any body, take your pick and it effeciently coughs out the results into a hefty lawn and garden bag.

    • tessiee

      Long, pointy bayonet votes?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      And lemon juice. Also, salty votes.

  • freakishlywrong

    Makes me think of those miners that were forced to be campaign fodder for a photo-op. Miffs doesn't see people, he sees opportunity. He's a disgraceful fuck.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Slander and libel! Mittens would never use people (alive or dead) simply as politically motivated photo-ops. Why, the very ide…

      Some weeks later, Kern says, someone from Romney's office called her to say that Romney intended to visit Sciavoni's gravesite. Kern asked that he not do so if he intended to have his photograph taken there; she does not know whether Romney visited or not.


      • freakishlywrong

        Jesus. How..gross.

      • Zango Crudmonger

        Lord, Mittens is detestable. Stephanie K…get into politics.

  • Schmannnity

    I wish she had had a call center in India to take his call.

  • I am often stunned by the lack of consideration shown by the little people to their betters. That the wealthy don't have you all shredded and stuffed into comfy, high-backed chairs is a testament to their boundless patience. Know your place, little people! Stop pretending you, y' know, matter an' stuff!

  • edgydrifter

    Shorter Mitt: "Good news! Your son is dead. That means you get a call from ME, Mitt Romney! Golly, you're a lucky gal."

  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    I'm sure he just wanted to make sure her son wasn't registered to vote any more.

  • Romney assumes the family are losers! Who's crazy enough to let their kids join the military anyway!

  • gullywompr

    No doubt the Freepers are saying that clearly she got her son killed to score political points for Obama's second-term elelction.

  • Beowoof

    Mittens tried pulling that CEO attitude shit last night in the debate, so it is good to see he has remained consistent over the years, he has consistently been a huge asshole.

    • BadKitty904

      He's a grade-school bully, pure and simple, with a slight gloss of "adult" smeared over him.

    • DahBoner

      My time is so valuable Mr President, enclosed you will find a bill for my debate services, including a manditory 20% gratuitie…

  • mavenmaven

    Soldiers are apparently not people, my friend.

  • BadKitty904

    What astounds me is that, despite having a team of highly paid handlers, Rmoney's obvious and innate contempt for the Average American continues to slither through.

    • Pithaughn

      He inherited it from Bob Dole.

    • Terry

      Exactly. He's been running for office for years, you'd think he'd learn how to put on a civil face for the public.

  • TribecaMike

    That'll go over big at Westover Air Reserve Base, Mass. Say goodnight, Scotty.

  • mbobier

    You don't call, you don't write….

  • An_Outhouse

    Fuckin' peasants. You can't live with them, they leave a big mess when they die.

    • Oblios_Cap

      "They are my people! I am their sovereign! I LOVE Them. Pull!"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "…and you have to pretend that you give a fuck when one of their offspring gets offed."

  • Goonemeritus

    In another two weeks no one will be returning Mitt’s calls.

    • DahBoner

      Romney= Charm Black Hole

  • HRH_Maddie

    What are people talking about when they say Romney has a charm deficit?

  • chicken_thief

    If only Mr. Kern's had worked in outsourcing jerbs and pillaging employee retirement accounts like Sir Willard the Dancing Horse Owner, he might be able to tell the difference between “disrespectful” and “antagonistic” and "Presidential" and "classy".

  • Pithaughn

    Obscenely wealthy white men are people too, you lazy mother with a dead kid.

  • ph7

    Hey I just met you
    And this is crazy
    But here’s my number
    So call me Goddammit

  • ttommyunger

    Yeah, that's the ticket. At the very lowest point in one's life you want to take time to talk to some self-serving soulless dick of a politician on the fucking phone.

  • 2005? They were still working the kinks out of MittBot's speed dial capability.

  • barto

    And when you're done with my shoes, Manuel, you can do the tires on the jet.

  • delaney_blom

    "Hello, this is Governor Romney, calling a third time to express my condolences. I know you're screening your calls, pick up, hello, are you going to let me talk to you or what?. . ."

    Kinda like this

  • el_donaldo

    Mitt's a compulsive re-dialer?

    Now's about the right time to pull out the overly attached girlfriend meme.

    • PugglesRule

      Hey, I'm your governor. I'm going to call you three times to make sure you remember that I am much more important than anything that might have happened in your paltry life.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "How can I be a compassionate conservative if the bitch won't pick up the fucking phone and let me compassionize at her?!?!?"

    • sullivanst

      Clearly she did not have a strong man to allow her to blossom.

  • Is she a schoolteacher? Then she's merely heeding your assertion that only you get to ask the questions around here, isn't that right Mitt – ?


    See there, I did it myself!

  • Radiotherapy

    You know who else was too busy at the end of a desperate campaign to call a grieving mother?

    • That kid in The Giving Tree?

      Hey, she was like a 'mother' to him!

      • Radiotherapy

        I cannot tell you how much I despise that book and the concepts within. As disturbing as The Lord of the Flies. But it's a kids book!

        • tessiee

          I'm not crazy about "It's a Wonderful Life" for pretty much the same reasons.

        • Yeah, I had the opposite reaction upon reading it. Maybe I was sick of happy endings and found its ending refreshingly candid.
          Or perhaps I appreicated a new way to define “success” vs. “weak” or, self-serving vs. vulnerable.
          Because the ‘characterizations” were pared down to simple renderings I wasn’t troubled that the Tree’s definitive traits weren’t more nuanced beyond: the representation of Unconditional Love.
          Everyone writes about /hears about the kind of approval, from God, that is ‘earned’ – but in today’s climate even ‘grace’ gets cast as “with conditions” of behavior and measuring our worth – which undermines the definition of grace, but.
          My reaction to the story, which ought to be *GAH* what a heel I feel like if I ever did that to someone who once loved & nurtured me – – is that Selfishness manifests itself in many similar ways.
          I may not have dumped my Granny IRL but have learned to self-recognize the equivalent.

          • ALSO being on the receiving end of abandonment – what kicked me in the heart most of the story’s whole message, was the abandonment –
            So it resonated for me as what I would most dread for my fate; and, in “do-likewise [or not]-unto-others” fashion, what I would most find condemnable in my personal growth, should I wise up to my actions/ motives as “using” others for self gain.
            If I’m gonna err to the side of more “abused” than “a user”, i.e. if I appear like the Tree I am just getting myself run over – I’ll reassure you I use the two polar coordinates by which to steer; I’d rather err to the unconditional love, for it’s most lacking in the world. But if I sense that message gets undermined as circumstances challenge me to say, Stand up to a bully! (witness D.Trump the other day, suggesting to Falwell U. students turning the other cheek might be ready to update with some situational ethics), then adjust accordingly on the sliding scale of self-ful <<>> selfless.

            Sent from my anthropomorphizing, emote-projecting, erstwhile God-comprehension-reaching phone

    • General George Marshall as depicted in Saving Private Ryan?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      John Edwards?

  • Mittens really can't help it–he still thinks like a CEO whose every whim is law to everyone around him. The idea that someone might have something to do other than call him back ASAP doesn't register.

  • TootsStansbury

    What else could be expected from someone whose laugh sounds like something that could come out of a coin operated mechanized box, containing a creepy magician. On a deserted carnival midway. At one minute past midnight.

  • Ruhe

    They say they did not save the messages…but does that mean that they are unrecoverable? We aren't talking about messages left on some bit of magnetic tape. If it's possible that these can be recovered…wouldn't that be the Cocktober surprise that finally screws Mitt to the wall. Man, I hope Obama's got people at the NSA working on this.

  • CindynEncinitas

    Sometimes one needs an emotion chip to throw off the hounds…

  • spareme

    What ever happened to a note of condolance? Surely Mitt has someone who will lick his stamps.

  • tessiee

    Christ, what an asshole.

  • tessiee

    "Mitt Romney is a very busy man, you guys. He is busy now that he’s running for president, and he was busy back when he was a governor. So if your son dies and he gives you a call the day of his funeral, you should probably call him back RIGHT AWAY because he is very important! Very busy! Got that?

    “I can’t believe you haven’t returned my call,” Romney said on one of the voice mail messages, according to [Gold Star Mother] Stephany Kern,

    Only Romney, she says, complained in a second message that she had not called back.

    Oh, and Romney called a third time, still bitching."

    Sorry if I'm being very stupid here, but what exactly was Mrs. Kern supposed to call back *for*? To say, "I got your call"? Is that necessary? Does Mitt also expect a thank-you note for a sympathy card?

  • Trinket

    Insufferable, entitled, asshole douche acted like insufferable, entitled, asshole douche.

    • PugglesRule

      I'm detecting a pattern here.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Film at 11.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mitt just wanted to say that the guy's death wasn't optimal.

  • LibertyLover

    If Mitt does become our next Prez *shudder* — do you think he will meet the caskets of the fallen or send Tagg to do it?

  • oenspiek

    This story saddens me. The Kerns didn't deserve that. Imagine being hectored by a douchenozzle when you've just lost a son.

  • Troglodeity

    Yeah, the way he treats people is pretty bad, but hey, it's not like he's an abuser of defenseless animals or something like that.

    Wait, what?

  • DahBoner

    Why is it that I can't read this without thinking of Foghorn Leghorn?


  • MissNancyPriss

    "Here I am" is my "favorite" part. WTF

  • bloggingbalkanistan

    How DARE Mrs. Kerns not call Romney back during his moment of grief? He's hurting lady, he's in pain. Why won't anyone think of Mitt Romney for a moment? Oh, sure, your son was tragically killed serving overseas, but what about Mitt? What about Mitt? He had to take 2 minutes out of his day to call you, 2 minutes where he could have been yelling at the servants, or fluffing Rafalca or riding Egg, and you couldn't even call him back?

  • bloggingbalkanistan

    I completely understand why the Kerns didn't keep the voicemail message from Romney, but I sort of wish they had the recording and it was being played on all the networks-except Fox, there they'd have to explain to their viewers why "Barack Obama" sounds so much like Mitt Romney

  • TribecaMike

    Mitt is six charms short of a bracelet.

    • LibertyLover

      I'd say he was a bracelet short of any charm…

  • Negropolis

    Mitt seems to have a real problem navigating the issues of deceased servicemen and security folks, huh?

  • Negropolis

    So, Mitt's turned into a Jewish grandmother?

  • editor

    yeah, how dare you, rhode island lady. what, are you too busy with, like, grieving, or something, that you cannot call back a political opportunist? sheesh, where are your priorities?

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