LIKE SUCH AS  10:10 am October 23, 2012

U.S. American Mitt Romney Does Not Have Maps

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

I personally believe Egypt is between Iran and SyriaThe Twitter is all mad at US American Mitt Romney this morning for something about … geography? Like such as not knowing that Syria is not Iran’s “route to the sea” or something? And that in fact there is a whole other country between the two? Here, let some nerd explain it for you:

Rebecca S. So apparently Iran is not landlocked I guess?
Josh F. ha
and also there is a country between iran and syria
Rebecca S. people seem upset by Romney’s geographical non-geniusness, maybe because he does NOT HAVE MAPS!!!!
what country might that be, friend?
Josh F. it’s on the tip of my tongue
some place that was important in the 90s or 00s or something, drawing a blank on it now
Rebecca S. hmmm I feel like you might be mocking me. well I am an American, I do not have to know where those countries are that we are #warring
Josh F. IRAQ REBECCA IT IS IRAQ

Whatever, NERD. Has it occurred to you that there might be a simple answer why Mitt Romney does not know stuff about things? (Besides Obvious Answer Number One: He watches Fox News.)

This just proves once again that Doktor Zoom has a portal to the future. You should see him about your Lotto numbers/that weird growth on your neck.

 
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{ 201 comments }

Barbara_ October 23, 2012 at 10:13 am

Of course Mitt knows nothing about maps. We've unzipped him, with Ann's permission, and he's one of those guys who thinks that an inch equals 10 miles.

Jus_Wonderin October 23, 2012 at 10:20 am

I bet Ann is the bestest actor in the sack.

Maman October 23, 2012 at 10:48 am

Do you have to act when one inch equals 10 miles? You don't even have to be in the same zipcode

weejee October 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

150mm ≢ 10 inches??

Mumbletypeg October 23, 2012 at 10:47 am

Oh I am so stealing your crosshatched tally-mark thing!

(God that sounded dirty)

Texan_Bulldog October 23, 2012 at 10:15 am

That was an epic moment. Kind of like when Snowbilly said she had foreign policy experience because AK borders Russia.

I'll be so glad when this f*cking election is over. Please, please, please let there be enough sane people in the swing states to keep us poorz from becoming Ann & Willard's serfs.

CrunchyKnee October 23, 2012 at 10:15 am

Dr. Zoom is a Bronie. Bronies have powerz (and extensive map collections).

Mapmonger October 23, 2012 at 10:34 am

I am skeptical, because I sell maps, and not one of my customers has ever revealed their bronyism.

Bronyism. Brony Capitalism? It's like I toooold you, only the brony can play…

Maman October 23, 2012 at 10:50 am

oooh…. maps… love maps. having a nerdgasm. NOW!

Spurning Beer October 23, 2012 at 10:55 am

Me too. I have a globe on my dresser, with a necktie around it that has a globe print on the fabric. And my Turvis Tumbler has a world map on it.

Maman October 23, 2012 at 10:59 am

Dude, I have a degree in Geography and am currently mapping all 293+ (they keep adding to my work) American viticultural areas. Just completed Madera (outside of Fresno. I hate it when they mix map scales.)

James Michael Curley October 23, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I had this great map of the Soviet Union from a company called Hallwag which was in French and Swedish (I think). When I arrived once at the border between Poland and the Soviet Union (about a month after Reagan's Evil Empire speech) the border guards confiscated it and gave me a receipt to pick it up on leaving. However, I wasn't leaving through the same border. Seems that was a fairly standard practice in those days as foreign maps had too much detail and too much of it was correct.

ph7 October 23, 2012 at 10:15 am

But when we go to war with the Cayman Islands or Switzerland, we'll want Mitt's surgical strike hand on the drone joystick (no collateral deposits will be injured)!

Dr_Zoidberg October 23, 2012 at 10:16 am

I'm hoping that weird growth on my neck is a manitou.

Jus_Wonderin October 23, 2012 at 10:26 am

They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning,
no-one you see, is smarter than he,
and we know Flipper, lives in a world full of wonder,
flying there-under, under the sea!

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 11:04 am

God, I can't believe anyone remembered the tune, let alone the lyrics. Can you give us a few bars of "Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo"?

kittensdontlie October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

And not your twin, who mysteriously disappeared during your gestation.

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

I think mine is called Kuato, and he's going to lead some revolt on Mars.

weejee October 23, 2012 at 10:16 am

Mitt's maps are inversely scaled by tax rates. Cayman Islands is huge, UK v. small.

Terry October 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

"Has it occurred to you that there might be a simple answer why Mitt Romney does not know stuff about things? "

There are several potential simple answers:

- There are no Romney campaign donors in either Iran or Syria

- He's never bought and dismantled a single company in Syria

- He's a narrow minded man with a desperately shallow world experience running for an elected position that is both beyond the reach of his intellectual abilities and his reasonable capacity to attain.

Texan_Bulldog October 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

My dad who lives in AR (bless his heart) just emailed me that he thinks Mitt would 'stab his grandma to get elected.' So, yeah, you & my dad summed him up very nicely.

ph7 October 23, 2012 at 10:33 am

And Ryan would volunteer to dig her up while Mitt sharpened the knife.

Terry October 23, 2012 at 10:59 am

Your father and mine would get along quite well.

weejee October 23, 2012 at 10:42 am

But just ask him where the Belgian Congo is an he'll nail it and offer you a Belgian chocolate.

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 10:49 am

On a Belgian waffle.

T3rbo October 23, 2012 at 11:01 am

You forgot option D: Romney does not give a fuck. He'll just say whatever nonsense comes to mind, knowing that his non-college educated white Americans don't know a damn thing and won't bother to look anything up. They can see right in front of their eyes that Obama is a secret Kenyan Muslin Communist Stalinist darkie, and that's what matters

CindynEncinitas October 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Lest we forget the champion of the 60 and lower IQ set, George W. Bush, 43rd (2-term) Preznit of the U.S. of A! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!

pinkocommi October 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

You really can't blame Rmoney for the map confusion because he probably was using an iPhone.

memzilla October 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

Geography Fail because the Mittbot was programmed with Apple Maps.

eggsacklywright October 23, 2012 at 11:10 am

And his favorite jazz group is the Alexandria Quintet.

deanbooth October 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

Romney: The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, "maize". Another famous Indian was "Crazy Horse". In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you.

mrpuma2u October 23, 2012 at 10:38 am

OMG Mittens is making geography gaffes my 12 year old kid wouldn't make. He fails the "are you smarter than a 5th grader" litmus test, but then again, so did the Bushwacker.

Beetagger October 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

Mitt knows Kolob like the back of his hand.

SayItWithWookies October 23, 2012 at 10:20 am

Mitt doesn't need to personally know where each country is that he intends to invade — he's got people to figure that stuff out. Shit, you little people should be grateful he's not going to make preventing the Soviet Union from getting a warm-water port his biggest foreign policy priority.

Biff October 23, 2012 at 10:25 am

I know–we're lucky he even performs for us people!

actor212 October 23, 2012 at 10:33 am

He probably sent RAFLAC! out last night in his place.

actor212 October 23, 2012 at 10:20 am

The thing is, the US had a run in with AN IRANIAN NAVY PATROL BOAT just this past March.

It's shameful that a candidate running for President didn't remember this.

FlownOver October 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

Shameful, but fun! Could somebody please Photoshop™ Half-governor LouSarah's hair onto Metallo-Mitt's head?

actor212 October 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

"I can see Iran from my jetski!"

littlebigdaddy October 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

And we rescued some Iranian fishermen from pirates….and they weren't ICE pirates!

MegPasadena October 23, 2012 at 2:32 pm

And the Persian Gulf is called that for a reason.

jesus_vs_gojira October 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

It's filled with cats?

Katydid October 23, 2012 at 10:20 am

Mitt don't need your stinking maps!

weejee October 23, 2012 at 10:25 am

That's why one has a personal concierge.

freakishlywrong October 23, 2012 at 10:26 am

That's what you people are for.

OkieDokieDog October 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

Maths is hard.

Oh… maps. How do they work?

kittensdontlie October 23, 2012 at 10:27 am

Maps are flat, just like the Earth.

Jus_Wonderin October 23, 2012 at 10:33 am

Globes are round, just like boobies.

eggsacklywright October 23, 2012 at 10:42 am

OK, Mittz, point on the map to where the country of Mercator is located.

weejee October 23, 2012 at 10:43 am

Isn't that the projector you use when giving a PowerPoint?

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

Transversely.

Maman October 23, 2012 at 11:00 am

North, so it is bigger than Greenland.

LibertyLover October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

You unfold them carefully, find what you are looking for… then you wad that sucker up and throw the map away — coz you ain't ever gonna refold it the way it was folded to begin with.

James Michael Curley October 23, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Many a marriage started on trip in NYC following road maps and by the time they arrived in Nevada they got a speedy divorce over that issue.

coolhandnuke October 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

It's consistent with Mitt's geographically challenged circuitry. He also said "Washington is the route to the sea for Utah's yachts."

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:37 am

Mexico is the gateway to the Atlantic for Californians.

Loch_Nessosaur October 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

You people are mean and are just trying to make Romney look stupid. Besides, Egypt looks cute over there.

banana_bread October 23, 2012 at 11:15 am

Seriously, its butt looks so much smaller.

bikerlaureate October 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

It's because of our unquenchable jealousy.

actor212 October 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

Hm, did I read a lovers' quarrel in those Tweets, Trix?

TootsStansbury October 23, 2012 at 10:22 am

Maps schmaps I want to know if he'll keep Egg's dancing horse out of the cavalry.

kittensdontlie October 23, 2012 at 10:42 am

NEWSFLASH: Rafalca is being deployed!

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 11:08 am

That's Colonel Rafalca to you, PFC Kittens!!!

HistoriCat October 23, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Finally – a Romney will join the military!

prommie October 23, 2012 at 10:23 am

Mitt needs to hire a foreign geography advisor. I know the perfect person for him, there was this lovely young lady from South Carolina who became well-known for her amazing geography skills a couple of years ago, whatever happened to her?

FNMA October 23, 2012 at 10:32 am

She's going to be Romney's Sec. of State. He's already told her she would be able to get home every night to make dinner.

prommie October 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

can't be worse than Condi.

freakishlywrong October 23, 2012 at 10:24 am

Fucked up maps are people too, my friend.

Maman October 23, 2012 at 10:51 am

No. they are not. They are an abomination….. a tool to lead the stupid astray.

Gleem McShineys October 23, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Odd, that's the same description as a "Mitt Romney candidacy."

Estproph October 23, 2012 at 10:25 am

Sadly, he still knows more about geography than today's high school graduates.

FakaktaSouth October 23, 2012 at 10:27 am

It becomes clearer and clearer everyday, Mitt Romney's "Eric EtchaSketch Fehrnstrom advisory team" just fucking hates him. "You know what Mitt?" "Yeah?" "Syria's gonna come up tonight, and you know, it's really important that you make it clear that YOU OWN that shit. You explain it to the "Pres" hard, okay? He's playing with Iran's best friend and you TELL the American people what's what okay? Just remember this – "route to the sea" and it will all fall in to place." "Yeah yeah okay, I got it."
Just. has. to. be.

prommie October 23, 2012 at 10:57 am

It does. It. Has. To. Be.

NorthStarSpanx October 23, 2012 at 10:27 am

Romney strained to mention countries that sounded statesmanlike – Afghanistan, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Libya, Syria, and even China, but that left five of the seven continents — most of them populated, and at least one in dire crisis – out.

Did he proudly pronounce Mahmoud Ahmadinejad like Sarah did? In our nation chock full of exceptional hair school students and small townie mayors, the GOP sure celebrated that small victory.
http://www.mediabistro.com/agencyspy/red-stripe-c

trampndirtdown October 23, 2012 at 10:27 am

Mitt should hire Rick Sanchez as his official map interpreter.

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:39 am

Or Dirty.

weejee October 23, 2012 at 10:28 am

Did Mitt learn geography in New York?

actor212 October 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

Wait. You mean this isn't accurate???

kyeshinka October 23, 2012 at 10:29 am

Maps are fer Socialists!!

johnnyzhivago October 23, 2012 at 10:29 am

Geography is for commies!

Joshua Norton October 23, 2012 at 10:29 am

Mitt has a map, only it shows that the world is flat. And where the Middle East should be is beyond the edge and it just says "Here there be monsters".

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:40 am

The Ultima Thule meets the Ultimate Tool.

Joshua Norton October 23, 2012 at 10:46 am

Clever!

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:48 am

I try.

freakishlywrong October 23, 2012 at 10:44 am

"Release the Biden"!

EatsBabyDingos October 23, 2012 at 10:29 am

Mitt probably thinks Mapquest is some new World of Warcraft game.

FNMA October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

Actually, that's Ryan's job.

bikerlaureate October 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Stab, starve – let's not get bogged down in little details. So long as they vote R/R first.

Disassembly October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

Cartographers have a well documented liberal bias.

Maman October 23, 2012 at 10:52 am

Bah. Just me. Fascists make maps too.

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 11:11 am

The (R)Moneys will always put the Horsographer before the Cartographer

new_pic_for_NEWTer October 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Had I been drinking milk, it would have come out of my nose. Well played sir.

Schmannnity October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

Romney announces secret plan to build Mediterranean canal to Iran.

coolhandnuke October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

Anyone notice where the Fox scholars put Egypt on the above graphic.

arihaya October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

Mittens doesn't have maps, but he sure know places to deposit his slush funds in Switzerland and Cayman Island

LibertyLover October 23, 2012 at 10:32 am

He has "people" to find those banks for him — no need for maps.

muthalovin October 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

Ken Jennings: not as smart as Watson, but way smarter than MitBot.

Maman October 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

Reading his map book now. Don't tell me how it ends…

prommie October 23, 2012 at 10:58 am

Rush Holt, on the other hand, IS smarter than Watson.

sudsmckenzie October 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

Which one is Gretchencarlstan?

coolhandnuke October 23, 2012 at 10:39 am

It's just south of Megypt and to the east of Rogerisrailes Look at the Fox map..

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

I prefer to be in JenniferAnistan.

FNMA October 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

There's a quagmire joke in there somewhere…

eggsacklywright October 23, 2012 at 10:59 am

The one where the capitol is Botoxville.

Jus_Wonderin October 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

Is my deceased Grammie safe?

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

From stabbing, yes. Baptising, no.

schvitzatura October 23, 2012 at 10:32 am

The extent of Viscount Hairgel's tutelage on matters of the geographies appears to be wholy derived from many harrowing sessions playing Risk, as part of the Romney Family Family Home Night.

Mongolia, landlocked? That is so much pish-posh, old chap!

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:50 am

Kamchatka or GTFO!

banana_bread October 23, 2012 at 11:17 am

I think "Viscount Hairgel" needs to be in my daily lexicon.

Loch_Nessosaur October 23, 2012 at 10:33 am

That thing on my neck is just me celebrating National Mole Day

eggsacklywright October 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

Did it see its shadow?

thatsitfortheother1 October 23, 2012 at 10:33 am

Conservatives have maps. They prefer the handy 1:1 scale.

ManchuCandidate October 23, 2012 at 10:33 am

Don't know much about tax policy
Don't know much about geography
Can't find Iran in a map book
Don't know much about the French I took (to avoid the 'Nam War)
But what I do know is I need your vote
And I know that if you vote for me
Soon my tax rate will be too low to see!

Goonemeritus October 23, 2012 at 10:34 am

The growth on my neck is not weird, I like to think of it as just the right height.

mrblifil October 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

SYRIA IS THEIR PATH TO THE SEA except for the 1500 miles of coastline on THE ARABIAN SEA which doesn't count because duh it's named after ARABS!1!11! MEDITERRANEAN FUCK YEAH!

actor212 October 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

The weird growth on my neck or the thing on the tip of my tongue?

(HINT: It is the same thing. Ladies, line forms to the left.)

FakaktaSouth October 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

Has he come out and said he absolutely didn't say this yet? Has Fox scrubbed the transcripts? Will Megyn Kelly explain that somehow Mitt was right? OH GOD I LOVE TODAY, my PresO afterglow still shining bright, but I am ready for this shit to be OVER.

prommie October 23, 2012 at 11:01 am

It seems like forever, doesn't it? I am just ready for it to be over right now!

Ryy October 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

More nerd: isn't Iran Iran's route to the sea? In fact two of them, plus an ocean?

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

Romney didn't unveil his plans for the US Navy's planned Caspian Sea Fleet.

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 11:00 am

Also too the Suez, evidently.

e_z October 23, 2012 at 11:01 am

Yeah but if Iran closes the straights of Whoremoos Iran will then have to go through Syria to get to open water, right? I mean right? Right!

Problem solved.

eggsacklywright October 23, 2012 at 10:38 am

His maps also have sea-serpents near the edge of the Earf.

OneYieldRegular October 23, 2012 at 10:39 am

I can't understand why Mitt has so little understanding of the world. After all, he spent a whole two years in a foreign country, ministering to the poor unfortunate non-Mormons in the single richest neighborhood in Paris.

Joshua Norton October 23, 2012 at 10:39 am

Like such as not knowing that Syria is not Iran’s “route to the sea” or something?

Your first mistake is in assuming that wingnut maps would have anything to do with geography.

BadKitty904 October 23, 2012 at 10:40 am

It's prolly those 1916 maps he's been using. Perhaps if someone explained to Mittens that Persia is now known as "Iran"…you know, to the north-east of Abyssinia and south of the Russian Empire…

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Austria-Hungary is Persia's route to the Ottoman Empire!

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 10:42 am

No maps, but Romney does have a lovely Kolob desk globe

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 10:44 am

Why should he need to know geography? He's got Bush's foreign policy staff working for him, they know all the places that need bombing, and why.

zumpie October 23, 2012 at 10:44 am

Anyone else think Mittens paid other dudes to attend his classes and take all his tests in college and grad school?

YasserArraFeck October 23, 2012 at 11:12 am

"Do my test and maybe I won't cut your hair off"

Chichikovovich October 23, 2012 at 10:44 am

You guys aren't taking the long view. If Mitt becomes President, within two years of his policies of bellicose empty bluster, Iran will have taken over Iraq and then Syria will too be their route to the sea, Libtards!

mavenmaven October 23, 2012 at 11:59 am

George Bush will forever be enshrined in Islamic history as the one who created the Great Shiite Empire.

Negropolis October 24, 2012 at 2:47 am

So, I take it that they are going to dam off the gulf and build a wall along the Arabian coast, then? lol

Mittens Howell, III October 23, 2012 at 10:44 am

Mitt doesn't need a map, he just waits till Obama mentions a country and says "YEAH!"

freakishlywrong October 23, 2012 at 10:46 am

"We will attack our enemy, Mesopotamia, with horses and bayonets"

BaldarTFlagass October 23, 2012 at 10:47 am

Don't forget the dreadnoughts.

eggsacklywright October 23, 2012 at 11:04 am

And trebuchets which are just the right height.

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 11:05 am

"Chariots? We don't need no stinkin' chariots!" — Marduk The Last

Mumbletypeg October 23, 2012 at 10:46 am

His running-mate Ryan's "Roadmap to Freedumb" is the only map Mittens ever took a crash course for and in last night's case that one didn't even show up on the test.

Redgyal October 23, 2012 at 10:48 am

Mittens looks better with the long blonde hair. It brings out his eyes and his good bone structure more.

coolhandnuke October 23, 2012 at 10:50 am

Everything Mitt knows about geography and foreign policy he learned from Risk.
He likes to say and spell Irkutsk.

HistoriCat October 23, 2012 at 12:11 pm

No wonder Australia is getting nervous.

Cheburashka64 October 23, 2012 at 10:51 am

I only hope she is near the top of the State Department Woman Binder.

LibertyLover October 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

Mitt wasn't playing WoW or Battleship last night, he was playing Risk.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 23, 2012 at 10:59 am

I know another landlocked country that is very important to Mittens.
(hint – this one is actually landlocked)

eggsacklywright October 23, 2012 at 11:07 am

To claim otherwise would be cuckoo.

Disassembly October 23, 2012 at 11:08 am

Utah?

Nostrildamus October 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I suspect BSFD means Switzerland.

Disassembly October 23, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Thank you, Professor.

DahBoner October 23, 2012 at 11:10 am

The Repubic of Coo-coo Utah???

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 11:28 am

BYU?

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 23, 2012 at 11:00 am

We can't be expected to keep track of ALL of those brown countries, now can we?

savethispatient October 23, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Yeah, pretty sure that's the one and only purpose of the UN.

05c40 October 23, 2012 at 11:01 am

H. L. Menken "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."

prommie October 23, 2012 at 11:04 am

I thought that was Ambrose Bierce. Huh.

05c40 October 23, 2012 at 11:14 am

You are correct, it was Ambrose Bierce

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 11:11 am

At a bookstore yesterday, I was flipping through Mencken's collected Prejudices, and came across this in "From the Memoirs of a Subject of the United States":

"[Government] is apprehended, not as a committee of citizens chosen to carry on the communal business of the whole population, but as a separate and autonomous corporation, mainly devoted to exploiting the population for the benefit of its own members."

Darn, now I feel like an icky Pauline!

Mumbletypeg October 23, 2012 at 11:19 am

I need to get around to reading some Mencken before I die.
A book review some years ago detailing a new biography &/or collection of his letters and such, yielded enough quotables that he represents a source of insight for me, yet I could do with actually reading him more comprehensively by content than fly-by soundbites — since I gather his persepctive wasn't without some flaws.

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Mencken could often be a hater (antisemitism, racism, conservatism, all the usual crap for his time), but all in all he was an equal opportunity hater. He gets a general pass from me for his sharp and witty prose.

HistoriCat October 23, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Some of the current Mencken criticism is based on his diaries, which were sealed for some number of decades after his death – he really let loose with some caustic words in there. I think he may have been the type who had to write down everything. From a "what was Mencken's motivation and thought process" perspective, the diaries are vital but I think judging someone on writings which were essentially a brain-dump – as opposed to his actual public writings – is a bit unfair.

eggsacklywright October 23, 2012 at 11:01 am

Damn, he has the best recipe for guacamole. It is a hard number to dial, though.

Pithaughn October 23, 2012 at 11:02 am

Well, I'm sure at some point in the last four thousand years, during the reign of some despot, Iran was the route to the sea for Syria. Of course they went by different names but in general it may have been true at some point in time, so close enough, right Fox news?

MosesInvests October 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

This is what happens when you fire your best foreign policy guy for being ghey.

hagajim October 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

Any excuse to run out Miss Teen USA South Carolina is always good by me.

James Michael Curley October 23, 2012 at 12:32 pm

All sweaty in a white T-Shirt

Lot_49 October 23, 2012 at 11:07 am

They've already started work on the Tehran-Latakia Canal.

DahBoner October 23, 2012 at 11:08 am

With apologies to m.o.e., Mitt Romney is the Queen of Everything.

And The King of Nothing…

widestanceromance October 23, 2012 at 11:09 am

No way Iran would bother sailing directly from their immense coastline when they could just truck ships so easily through Syria to get the Mediterranean and then out to the Atlantic.

Willard needs to upgrade from his 'FOX Maps of the World' coloring book.

RufusTFirefly October 23, 2012 at 11:13 am

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."

Which is why we need to invade Iran, stupid Demrat liebruls.

TribecaMike October 23, 2012 at 11:20 am

Mitt's been steering to the center big-time. I just got a fundraising email from him headed "Hey Mike Let's Get Gay Married!"

Radiotherapy October 23, 2012 at 11:22 am

Radio T. And don't even get me started on Mali.

kyeshinka October 23, 2012 at 11:23 am

John McCain is asking where the hell Assyria went.

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm

It said "Abyssinaia", and left.

mavenmaven October 23, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Before his briefing, Romney thought Mali was Obama's daughter.

PugglesRule October 23, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Mali, Malia, same difference.

Incitefully_Joe October 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

This just proves once again that Doktor Zoom has a portal to the future.

Given all the ponies, I find this vaguely terrifying.

ttommyunger October 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Maps, who can explain them…..No, really, can someone explain these things to me?

MinAgain October 23, 2012 at 12:42 pm

It must be the scenic route.

insidebeltway October 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Guys, you can't blame Romney for not knowing how to get from Iran to Syria, he was us using his IPhone map app.

BoroPrimorac October 23, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Honest mistake. Ahmadinejad wants to throw the jews into the sea because he wants his country to have access to the Mediterranean.

lulzmonger October 23, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Both Willard & Ryan keep pulling out the tired schtick of rattling off statistics & place names to try to sound S-M-R-T … & it never quite passes the giggle test.

"Wow! Is that the shittiest US foreign policy team since Nixon right over there? QUICK, HIRE THEM!" = perhaps a less cunning plan than it seemed at first blush.

You know who ELSE had difficulty understanding maps … ?

PugglesRule October 23, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Srsly– Fox actually labeled Iraq "Egypt"?? Please tell me that was photoshopped, because not even Faux's map makers can be THAT stupid (can they?).

fuflans October 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm

nope it was really real.

Doktor Zoom October 23, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Notice the overlay of the borders of Arizona, Nevada, Utah, and Cali on the African continent, too…

smitallica October 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Well, he thinks Switzerland and the Caymans are part of the U.S., so…

barto October 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

If he was quick he would just blame it on his iPhone 5.

fuflans October 23, 2012 at 3:34 pm

i was going to say:

1. 'i guess romney missed the whole 'iranian threat to close the straights of hormuz' thing this summer?
2. then i was going to say 'what does he think 'persian gulf' means'?
3. THEN i was going to wonder if he knew of the connection b/t 'iran' and 'persia'?

then i remembered he's in a statistical dead heat to be POTUS and i realized i didn't want to know the answer to any of those questions.

we are doomed.

sayprettyplease October 23, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Has Mitt asked for the Navy to build these additional ships with wheels?

glamourdammerung October 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm

The bad part is that after looking, Romney has said this before. Multiple times.

Boojum October 23, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I'm a fucktard. I was staring at that Fox News map, saying to myself "Where did Iraq go? It was right there, just a minute ago, where Egypt is." Seriously, I didn't get it for a long time, even though I knew where Iraq used to be.

I should become a Republican and vote for Joe the Plumber.

CommieDad October 23, 2012 at 7:07 pm

When I heard him say this, I actually looked it up on my apple maps. I mean really, WTF? I thought maybe he meant that Iran was Syria's Gateway and that my mental picture of Syria having a coast was wrong. But even in my mind I remembered that Iraq (oops… I mean Egypt) was between Syria and Iran. Really, WTF was he trying to say? Was he thinking that Syria is IRAQ's (note Q) route to Sea, because it is (one of them)?

snowpointsecret October 23, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Okay seriously? I can't even snark about this, how the fuck does someone running for President not know where Iraq, Iran, and Syria are? You can't just say "send the bomb at Egypt" and then when it blows up Baghdad go "Oops, I'm sorry." What the FUCK.

AliceT24 October 23, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I don't get it.

Is the Fox map a joke, or what?

I didn't read all of the comments here, but I scrolled through a lot, and none mention that the map on the supposed Fox display is wrong. Is there some inside joke that I am not getting?

savethispatient November 2, 2012 at 5:04 pm

It's a real map that Fox News put up several years ago. I suppose the inside joke is that we've all come to expect that kind of inaccuracy.

Spurning Beer October 23, 2012 at 11:12 am

You win. I last studied geography in high school in Alabama. The teacher, a dullard assistant football coach, told us that the capital of Finland was Helinski.

orygoon October 23, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Wowz!

And yeah, if I were drinking, it would be a Pinot Noir.

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Are your GIS geek?

Maman October 23, 2012 at 12:47 pm

It all starts with globe on your dresser…. next thing you know, you need relief!

actor212 October 23, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Related to Saul? I think I read he's a distant cousin.

starfanglednut October 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Iswydt

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