I personally believe Egypt is between Iran and SyriaThe Twitter is all mad at US American Mitt Romney this morning for something about … geography? Like such as not knowing that Syria is not Iran’s “route to the sea” or something? And that in fact there is a whole other country between the two? Here, let some nerd explain it for you:

Rebecca S. So apparently Iran is not landlocked I guess?
Josh F. ha
and also there is a country between iran and syria
Rebecca S. people seem upset by Romney’s geographical non-geniusness, maybe because he does NOT HAVE MAPS!!!!
what country might that be, friend?
Josh F. it’s on the tip of my tongue
some place that was important in the 90s or 00s or something, drawing a blank on it now
Rebecca S. hmmm I feel like you might be mocking me. well I am an American, I do not have to know where those countries are that we are #warring

Whatever, NERD. Has it occurred to you that there might be a simple answer why Mitt Romney does not know stuff about things? (Besides Obvious Answer Number One: He watches Fox News.)

This just proves once again that Doktor Zoom has a portal to the future. You should see him about your Lotto numbers/that weird growth on your neck.

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  • Barbara_

    Of course Mitt knows nothing about maps. We've unzipped him, with Ann's permission, and he's one of those guys who thinks that an inch equals 10 miles.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    That was an epic moment. Kind of like when Snowbilly said she had foreign policy experience because AK borders Russia.

    I'll be so glad when this f*cking election is over. Please, please, please let there be enough sane people in the swing states to keep us poorz from becoming Ann & Willard's serfs.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Dr. Zoom is a Bronie. Bronies have powerz (and extensive map collections).

    • Mapmonger

      I am skeptical, because I sell maps, and not one of my customers has ever revealed their bronyism.

      Bronyism. Brony Capitalism? It's like I toooold you, only the brony can play…

      • oooh…. maps… love maps. having a nerdgasm. NOW!

        • Me too. I have a globe on my dresser, with a necktie around it that has a globe print on the fabric. And my Turvis Tumbler has a world map on it.

          • Dude, I have a degree in Geography and am currently mapping all 293+ (they keep adding to my work) American viticultural areas. Just completed Madera (outside of Fresno. I hate it when they mix map scales.)

          • You win. I last studied geography in high school in Alabama. The teacher, a dullard assistant football coach, told us that the capital of Finland was Helinski.

          • It all starts with globe on your dresser…. next thing you know, you need relief!

          • Related to Saul? I think I read he's a distant cousin.

          • orygoon


            And yeah, if I were drinking, it would be a Pinot Noir.

          • Are your GIS geek?

      • James Michael Curley

        I had this great map of the Soviet Union from a company called Hallwag which was in French and Swedish (I think). When I arrived once at the border between Poland and the Soviet Union (about a month after Reagan's Evil Empire speech) the border guards confiscated it and gave me a receipt to pick it up on leaving. However, I wasn't leaving through the same border. Seems that was a fairly standard practice in those days as foreign maps had too much detail and too much of it was correct.

  • ph7

    But when we go to war with the Cayman Islands or Switzerland, we'll want Mitt's surgical strike hand on the drone joystick (no collateral deposits will be injured)!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    I'm hoping that weird growth on my neck is a manitou.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning,
      no-one you see, is smarter than he,
      and we know Flipper, lives in a world full of wonder,
      flying there-under, under the sea!

      • YasserArraFeck

        God, I can't believe anyone remembered the tune, let alone the lyrics. Can you give us a few bars of "Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo"?

    • kittensdontlie

      And not your twin, who mysteriously disappeared during your gestation.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think mine is called Kuato, and he's going to lead some revolt on Mars.

  • Mitt's maps are inversely scaled by tax rates. Cayman Islands is huge, UK v. small.

  • Terry

    "Has it occurred to you that there might be a simple answer why Mitt Romney does not know stuff about things? "

    There are several potential simple answers:

    – There are no Romney campaign donors in either Iran or Syria

    – He's never bought and dismantled a single company in Syria

    – He's a narrow minded man with a desperately shallow world experience running for an elected position that is both beyond the reach of his intellectual abilities and his reasonable capacity to attain.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      My dad who lives in AR (bless his heart) just emailed me that he thinks Mitt would 'stab his grandma to get elected.' So, yeah, you & my dad summed him up very nicely.

      • ph7

        And Ryan would volunteer to dig her up while Mitt sharpened the knife.

      • Terry

        Your father and mine would get along quite well.

    • But just ask him where the Belgian Congo is an he'll nail it and offer you a Belgian chocolate.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        On a Belgian waffle.

    • T3rbo

      You forgot option D: Romney does not give a fuck. He'll just say whatever nonsense comes to mind, knowing that his non-college educated white Americans don't know a damn thing and won't bother to look anything up. They can see right in front of their eyes that Obama is a secret Kenyan Muslin Communist Stalinist darkie, and that's what matters

      • CindynEncinitas

        Lest we forget the champion of the 60 and lower IQ set, George W. Bush, 43rd (2-term) Preznit of the U.S. of A! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!

  • pinkocommi

    You really can't blame Rmoney for the map confusion because he probably was using an iPhone.

  • memzilla

    Geography Fail because the Mittbot was programmed with Apple Maps.

    • eggsacklywright

      And his favorite jazz group is the Alexandria Quintet.

  • Romney: The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, "maize". Another famous Indian was "Crazy Horse". In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you.

    • mrpuma2u

      OMG Mittens is making geography gaffes my 12 year old kid wouldn't make. He fails the "are you smarter than a 5th grader" litmus test, but then again, so did the Bushwacker.

  • Beetagger

    Mitt knows Kolob like the back of his hand.

  • Mitt doesn't need to personally know where each country is that he intends to invade — he's got people to figure that stuff out. Shit, you little people should be grateful he's not going to make preventing the Soviet Union from getting a warm-water port his biggest foreign policy priority.

    • Biff

      I know–we're lucky he even performs for us people!

      • He probably sent RAFLAC! out last night in his place.

  • The thing is, the US had a run in with AN IRANIAN NAVY PATROL BOAT just this past March.

    It's shameful that a candidate running for President didn't remember this.

    • Shameful, but fun! Could somebody please Photoshop™ Half-governor LouSarah's hair onto Metallo-Mitt's head?

      • "I can see Iran from my jetski!"

    • littlebigdaddy

      And we rescued some Iranian fishermen from pirates….and they weren't ICE pirates!

    • MegPasadena

      And the Persian Gulf is called that for a reason.

      • jesus_vs_gojira

        It's filled with cats?

  • Katydid

    Mitt don't need your stinking maps!

    • That's why one has a personal concierge.

    • freakishlywrong

      That's what you people are for.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Maths is hard.

    Oh… maps. How do they work?

    • kittensdontlie

      Maps are flat, just like the Earth.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Globes are round, just like boobies.

      • eggsacklywright

        OK, Mittz, point on the map to where the country of Mercator is located.

        • Isn't that the projector you use when giving a PowerPoint?

        • North, so it is bigger than Greenland.

    • LibertyLover

      You unfold them carefully, find what you are looking for… then you wad that sucker up and throw the map away — coz you ain't ever gonna refold it the way it was folded to begin with.

      • James Michael Curley

        Many a marriage started on trip in NYC following road maps and by the time they arrived in Nevada they got a speedy divorce over that issue.

  • coolhandnuke

    It's consistent with Mitt's geographically challenged circuitry. He also said "Washington is the route to the sea for Utah's yachts."

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Mexico is the gateway to the Atlantic for Californians.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    You people are mean and are just trying to make Romney look stupid. Besides, Egypt looks cute over there.

    • banana_bread

      Seriously, its butt looks so much smaller.

    • bikerlaureate

      It's because of our unquenchable jealousy.

  • Hm, did I read a lovers' quarrel in those Tweets, Trix?

  • TootsStansbury

    Maps schmaps I want to know if he'll keep Egg's dancing horse out of the cavalry.

    • kittensdontlie

      NEWSFLASH: Rafalca is being deployed!

      • YasserArraFeck

        That's Colonel Rafalca to you, PFC Kittens!!!

    • HistoriCat

      Finally – a Romney will join the military!

  • prommie

    Mitt needs to hire a foreign geography advisor. I know the perfect person for him, there was this lovely young lady from South Carolina who became well-known for her amazing geography skills a couple of years ago, whatever happened to her?

    • FNMA

      She's going to be Romney's Sec. of State. He's already told her she would be able to get home every night to make dinner.

      • prommie

        can't be worse than Condi.

  • freakishlywrong

    Fucked up maps are people too, my friend.

    • No. they are not. They are an abomination….. a tool to lead the stupid astray.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Odd, that's the same description as a "Mitt Romney candidacy."

  • Estproph

    Sadly, he still knows more about geography than today's high school graduates.

  • FakaktaSouth

    It becomes clearer and clearer everyday, Mitt Romney's "Eric EtchaSketch Fehrnstrom advisory team" just fucking hates him. "You know what Mitt?" "Yeah?" "Syria's gonna come up tonight, and you know, it's really important that you make it clear that YOU OWN that shit. You explain it to the "Pres" hard, okay? He's playing with Iran's best friend and you TELL the American people what's what okay? Just remember this – "route to the sea" and it will all fall in to place." "Yeah yeah okay, I got it."
    Just. has. to. be.

    • prommie

      It does. It. Has. To. Be.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Romney strained to mention countries that sounded statesmanlike – Afghanistan, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Libya, Syria, and even China, but that left five of the seven continents — most of them populated, and at least one in dire crisis – out.

    Did he proudly pronounce Mahmoud Ahmadinejad like Sarah did? In our nation chock full of exceptional hair school students and small townie mayors, the GOP sure celebrated that small victory.

  • Mitt should hire Rick Sanchez as his official map interpreter.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Or Dirty.

  • Did Mitt learn geography in New York?

    • Wait. You mean this isn't accurate???

  • kyeshinka

    Maps are fer Socialists!!

  • Geography is for commies!

  • Mitt has a map, only it shows that the world is flat. And where the Middle East should be is beyond the edge and it just says "Here there be monsters".

    • thatsitfortheother1

      The Ultima Thule meets the Ultimate Tool.

    • freakishlywrong

      "Release the Biden"!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Mitt probably thinks Mapquest is some new World of Warcraft game.

  • FNMA

    Actually, that's Ryan's job.

    • bikerlaureate

      Stab, starve – let's not get bogged down in little details. So long as they vote R/R first.

  • Disassembly

    Cartographers have a well documented liberal bias.

    • Bah. Just me. Fascists make maps too.

    • YasserArraFeck

      The (R)Moneys will always put the Horsographer before the Cartographer

      • new_pic_for_NEWTer

        Had I been drinking milk, it would have come out of my nose. Well played sir.

  • Schmannnity

    Romney announces secret plan to build Mediterranean canal to Iran.

  • coolhandnuke

    Anyone notice where the Fox scholars put Egypt on the above graphic.

  • arihaya

    Mittens doesn't have maps, but he sure know places to deposit his slush funds in Switzerland and Cayman Island

    • LibertyLover

      He has "people" to find those banks for him — no need for maps.

  • Ken Jennings: not as smart as Watson, but way smarter than MitBot.

    • Reading his map book now. Don't tell me how it ends…

    • prommie

      Rush Holt, on the other hand, IS smarter than Watson.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Which one is Gretchencarlstan?

    • coolhandnuke

      It's just south of Megypt and to the east of Rogerisrailes Look at the Fox map..

    • thatsitfortheother1

      I prefer to be in JenniferAnistan.

      • FNMA

        There's a quagmire joke in there somewhere…

    • eggsacklywright

      The one where the capitol is Botoxville.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Is my deceased Grammie safe?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      From stabbing, yes. Baptising, no.

  • schvitzatura

    The extent of Viscount Hairgel's tutelage on matters of the geographies appears to be wholy derived from many harrowing sessions playing Risk, as part of the Romney Family Family Home Night.

    Mongolia, landlocked? That is so much pish-posh, old chap!

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Kamchatka or GTFO!

    • banana_bread

      I think "Viscount Hairgel" needs to be in my daily lexicon.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    That thing on my neck is just me celebrating National Mole Day

    • eggsacklywright

      Did it see its shadow?

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Conservatives have maps. They prefer the handy 1:1 scale.

  • Don't know much about tax policy
    Don't know much about geography
    Can't find Iran in a map book
    Don't know much about the French I took (to avoid the 'Nam War)
    But what I do know is I need your vote
    And I know that if you vote for me
    Soon my tax rate will be too low to see!

  • Goonemeritus

    The growth on my neck is not weird, I like to think of it as just the right height.

  • SYRIA IS THEIR PATH TO THE SEA except for the 1500 miles of coastline on THE ARABIAN SEA which doesn't count because duh it's named after ARABS!1!11! MEDITERRANEAN FUCK YEAH!

  • The weird growth on my neck or the thing on the tip of my tongue?

    (HINT: It is the same thing. Ladies, line forms to the left.)

  • FakaktaSouth

    Has he come out and said he absolutely didn't say this yet? Has Fox scrubbed the transcripts? Will Megyn Kelly explain that somehow Mitt was right? OH GOD I LOVE TODAY, my PresO afterglow still shining bright, but I am ready for this shit to be OVER.

    • prommie

      It seems like forever, doesn't it? I am just ready for it to be over right now!

  • Ryy

    More nerd: isn't Iran Iran's route to the sea? In fact two of them, plus an ocean?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Romney didn't unveil his plans for the US Navy's planned Caspian Sea Fleet.

    • Also too the Suez, evidently.

    • e_z

      Yeah but if Iran closes the straights of Whoremoos Iran will then have to go through Syria to get to open water, right? I mean right? Right!

      Problem solved.

  • eggsacklywright

    His maps also have sea-serpents near the edge of the Earf.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I can't understand why Mitt has so little understanding of the world. After all, he spent a whole two years in a foreign country, ministering to the poor unfortunate non-Mormons in the single richest neighborhood in Paris.

  • Like such as not knowing that Syria is not Iran’s “route to the sea” or something?

    Your first mistake is in assuming that wingnut maps would have anything to do with geography.

  • BadKitty904

    It's prolly those 1916 maps he's been using. Perhaps if someone explained to Mittens that Persia is now known as "Iran"…you know, to the north-east of Abyssinia and south of the Russian Empire…

  • Mittens Howell, III

    No maps, but Romney does have a lovely Kolob desk globe

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Why should he need to know geography? He's got Bush's foreign policy staff working for him, they know all the places that need bombing, and why.

  • zumpie

    Anyone else think Mittens paid other dudes to attend his classes and take all his tests in college and grad school?

    • YasserArraFeck

      "Do my test and maybe I won't cut your hair off"

  • Chichikovovich

    You guys aren't taking the long view. If Mitt becomes President, within two years of his policies of bellicose empty bluster, Iran will have taken over Iraq and then Syria will too be their route to the sea, Libtards!

    • mavenmaven

      George Bush will forever be enshrined in Islamic history as the one who created the Great Shiite Empire.

    • Negropolis

      So, I take it that they are going to dam off the gulf and build a wall along the Arabian coast, then? lol

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Mitt doesn't need a map, he just waits till Obama mentions a country and says "YEAH!"

  • freakishlywrong

    "We will attack our enemy, Mesopotamia, with horses and bayonets"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Don't forget the dreadnoughts.

    • eggsacklywright

      And trebuchets which are just the right height.

    • TribecaMike

      "Chariots? We don't need no stinkin' chariots!" — Marduk The Last

  • His running-mate Ryan's "Roadmap to Freedumb" is the only map Mittens ever took a crash course for and in last night's case that one didn't even show up on the test.

  • Redgyal

    Mittens looks better with the long blonde hair. It brings out his eyes and his good bone structure more.

  • coolhandnuke

    Everything Mitt knows about geography and foreign policy he learned from Risk.
    He likes to say and spell Irkutsk.

    • HistoriCat

      No wonder Australia is getting nervous.

  • Cheburashka64

    I only hope she is near the top of the State Department Woman Binder.

  • LibertyLover

    Mitt wasn't playing WoW or Battleship last night, he was playing Risk.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I know another landlocked country that is very important to Mittens.
    (hint – this one is actually landlocked)

    • eggsacklywright

      To claim otherwise would be cuckoo.

    • Disassembly


      • Nostrildamus

        I suspect BSFD means Switzerland.

        • Disassembly

          Thank you, Professor.

    • DahBoner

      The Repubic of Coo-coo Utah???

    • TribecaMike


  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    We can't be expected to keep track of ALL of those brown countries, now can we?

    • savethispatient

      Yeah, pretty sure that's the one and only purpose of the UN.

  • 05c40

    H. L. Menken "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."

    • prommie

      I thought that was Ambrose Bierce. Huh.

      • 05c40

        You are correct, it was Ambrose Bierce

    • TribecaMike

      At a bookstore yesterday, I was flipping through Mencken's collected Prejudices, and came across this in "From the Memoirs of a Subject of the United States":

      "[Government] is apprehended, not as a committee of citizens chosen to carry on the communal business of the whole population, but as a separate and autonomous corporation, mainly devoted to exploiting the population for the benefit of its own members."

      Darn, now I feel like an icky Pauline!

      • I need to get around to reading some Mencken before I die.
        A book review some years ago detailing a new biography &/or collection of his letters and such, yielded enough quotables that he represents a source of insight for me, yet I could do with actually reading him more comprehensively by content than fly-by soundbites — since I gather his persepctive wasn't without some flaws.

        • TribecaMike

          Mencken could often be a hater (antisemitism, racism, conservatism, all the usual crap for his time), but all in all he was an equal opportunity hater. He gets a general pass from me for his sharp and witty prose.

        • HistoriCat

          Some of the current Mencken criticism is based on his diaries, which were sealed for some number of decades after his death – he really let loose with some caustic words in there. I think he may have been the type who had to write down everything. From a "what was Mencken's motivation and thought process" perspective, the diaries are vital but I think judging someone on writings which were essentially a brain-dump – as opposed to his actual public writings – is a bit unfair.

  • eggsacklywright

    Damn, he has the best recipe for guacamole. It is a hard number to dial, though.

  • Pithaughn

    Well, I'm sure at some point in the last four thousand years, during the reign of some despot, Iran was the route to the sea for Syria. Of course they went by different names but in general it may have been true at some point in time, so close enough, right Fox news?

  • MosesInvests

    This is what happens when you fire your best foreign policy guy for being ghey.

  • hagajim

    Any excuse to run out Miss Teen USA South Carolina is always good by me.

    • James Michael Curley

      All sweaty in a white T-Shirt

  • Lot_49

    They've already started work on the Tehran-Latakia Canal.

  • DahBoner

    With apologies to m.o.e., Mitt Romney is the Queen of Everything.

    And The King of Nothing…

  • widestanceromance

    No way Iran would bother sailing directly from their immense coastline when they could just truck ships so easily through Syria to get the Mediterranean and then out to the Atlantic.

    Willard needs to upgrade from his 'FOX Maps of the World' coloring book.

  • "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."

    Which is why we need to invade Iran, stupid Demrat liebruls.

  • TribecaMike

    Mitt's been steering to the center big-time. I just got a fundraising email from him headed "Hey Mike Let's Get Gay Married!"

  • Radiotherapy

    Radio T. And don't even get me started on Mali.

  • kyeshinka

    John McCain is asking where the hell Assyria went.

  • mavenmaven

    Before his briefing, Romney thought Mali was Obama's daughter.

    • PugglesRule

      Mali, Malia, same difference.

  • This just proves once again that Doktor Zoom has a portal to the future.

    Given all the ponies, I find this vaguely terrifying.

  • ttommyunger

    Maps, who can explain them…..No, really, can someone explain these things to me?

  • MinAgain

    It must be the scenic route.

  • insidebeltway

    Guys, you can't blame Romney for not knowing how to get from Iran to Syria, he was us using his IPhone map app.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Honest mistake. Ahmadinejad wants to throw the jews into the sea because he wants his country to have access to the Mediterranean.

  • lulzmonger

    Both Willard & Ryan keep pulling out the tired schtick of rattling off statistics & place names to try to sound S-M-R-T … & it never quite passes the giggle test.

    "Wow! Is that the shittiest US foreign policy team since Nixon right over there? QUICK, HIRE THEM!" = perhaps a less cunning plan than it seemed at first blush.

    You know who ELSE had difficulty understanding maps … ?

  • PugglesRule

    Srsly– Fox actually labeled Iraq "Egypt"?? Please tell me that was photoshopped, because not even Faux's map makers can be THAT stupid (can they?).

    • nope it was really real.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Notice the overlay of the borders of Arizona, Nevada, Utah, and Cali on the African continent, too…

  • smitallica

    Well, he thinks Switzerland and the Caymans are part of the U.S., so…

  • barto

    If he was quick he would just blame it on his iPhone 5.

  • i was going to say:

    1. 'i guess romney missed the whole 'iranian threat to close the straights of hormuz' thing this summer?
    2. then i was going to say 'what does he think 'persian gulf' means'?
    3. THEN i was going to wonder if he knew of the connection b/t 'iran' and 'persia'?

    then i remembered he's in a statistical dead heat to be POTUS and i realized i didn't want to know the answer to any of those questions.

    we are doomed.

  • sayprettyplease

    Has Mitt asked for the Navy to build these additional ships with wheels?

  • glamourdammerung

    The bad part is that after looking, Romney has said this before. Multiple times.

  • Boojum

    I'm a fucktard. I was staring at that Fox News map, saying to myself "Where did Iraq go? It was right there, just a minute ago, where Egypt is." Seriously, I didn't get it for a long time, even though I knew where Iraq used to be.

    I should become a Republican and vote for Joe the Plumber.

  • CommieDad

    When I heard him say this, I actually looked it up on my apple maps. I mean really, WTF? I thought maybe he meant that Iran was Syria's Gateway and that my mental picture of Syria having a coast was wrong. But even in my mind I remembered that Iraq (oops… I mean Egypt) was between Syria and Iran. Really, WTF was he trying to say? Was he thinking that Syria is IRAQ's (note Q) route to Sea, because it is (one of them)?

  • snowpointsecret

    Okay seriously? I can't even snark about this, how the fuck does someone running for President not know where Iraq, Iran, and Syria are? You can't just say "send the bomb at Egypt" and then when it blows up Baghdad go "Oops, I'm sorry." What the FUCK.

  • AliceT24

    I don't get it.

    Is the Fox map a joke, or what?

    I didn't read all of the comments here, but I scrolled through a lot, and none mention that the map on the supposed Fox display is wrong. Is there some inside joke that I am not getting?

    • savethispatient

      It's a real map that Fox News put up several years ago. I suppose the inside joke is that we've all come to expect that kind of inaccuracy.

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