Settle down, you miscreants! We know we freaked you out a little today by not updating while Your Editrix was out and the Brazilians came back, but rest assured: Tudo está de volta ao normal agora.
Joining Your Doktor Zoom at 9 Eastern tonight (via the sekrit Wonkette Chat Cave) will be Your Editrix, Your Jesse Taylor, and a Very Special Mystery Guest who we promise is not Clint Eastwood, though we will not absolutely rule out the possibility of talking to furniture.
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But will there be cake and buttsechs? These are the issues that the undecided bloggee needs to know about!
Chips and booze?
Fish and Tartar Sauce!
Tartar sauce? Bring on the fucking CHILLI sauce, man!
Yeah, but then I have gas tomorrow, and the last time I had gas I knocked out a conference room… it was very traumatic. Now I just drink brine. A lot less flatulence.
Shoes?
In honor of the future President, I will not drink alcohol or coffee this evening, but will attempt to make many babies.
And in honor of our current President, I will be a fake Muslo-commie, while smoking in secret and screaming OSAMA IS DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
Also, NO MORE BABIES, yes more alcohol.
Amen! No more babies! They clutter up the getaway car something awful, next thing you know we're knocking off 7-11s for huggies and leaving the kids on the roof of the car.
THERE you are~!
Cheers Sweetcheeks! And love love love!
Wait, our Editrix got a Brazillian?
(See Benincasa, Sara.)
Wait, did you say Our Editrix might talk to a sex chair?
Might talk sex to a chair.
The Rumble in the Jungle!OK it's Florida.The scuffle on the the shuffleboard court.Two old guys argueing.Is Florida ready for this?
The deebate in the swamp state? The showdown in the rat town? The pimp hand in the estuarine wetland?
Symbian or Get the heck out.
I'm soryy, too many dark and stormies
Yes. "The camel died quite suddenly on the third day…"
I'll never be able to watch 2001 again unfettered.
Guess it's time for a hair of the dog style treatment.
That's not a dog! That's Calista's wig.
If Bamz looks distracted it's probably because he's watching Da Bears offstage.
Just walked in the door from vacation. Time to start drinking.
Cuba Libra!!
Pour me one, Pit. Thanks!
Wondered where you were. Welcome back!
Hear, hear!
Here, Kitty Kitty. Good to see you, as always.
WeeJee, I got to meet Mina for the first time. I'm in love with that little gal.
Grandbabies are so very special.
WeeJee, I landed in LA and tapped everyone on the shoulder and asked if they knew how I could find Rebecca. I might have tried to slap the information out of some.
Hey Buddy! I'm watchin' the Bears, and a little birdy informs me you may have as well.
Chet, I go mental when you aren't a part of my day. So glad to see you.
I've dusted off my Pom Poms and I'm wearing my "Go Commies" red sweatshirt.
MY GOD…IT'S FULL OF HOOVES
Is it the glue that binds us?
I've already got my binders of women, so no need for restraining orders this time.
I DECLARE A FATWA ON THOSE GODDAMN PONIES
I third that
Someone needs to learn the meaning of friendship.
Damn Bronies.
I see the Doctor is still horsing around.
Is there a rendering plant nearby your digs?
No, but I'm butchering a pig this week for a birthday party this weekend. The cheeks of the horse are highly prized in parts of Europe and I've always wanted to try curing the rear leg of a horse or donkey for a ham.
I've been wanting to spitroast a lamb forever.
I've seen several recipes for roasting a lamb in the ground pit. I forget the particulars but the photos looked delicious.
We'll be roasting the pig whole. He's about 5 months old and led a very happy life.
…and the Brazilians came back,..
This is good news for Michael Caine.
Plus, I laid in an extra supply of gummed reinforcements.
Do we need pants?
Pants are optional.
Not after Labor Day, as I recall.
Oh, and lookie here—I've got a bigger p-ness, too! The evening's off to a great start.
Whatsa pxness?
Is the secret guest Sara Benincasa? Say it's Sara Benincasa!
I assume that the notable Brazilian Wonkette invasion will be one the hot topics tonight. I mean, what else have they got to talk about that is more important?
kkkkkkk
This election cycle has ruined my liver. But boy, my threshold is waaaaaay up there now.
That "thing" flopping around the living-room floor is NOT your liver. Look, one of the batteries fell out! It stopped. :(
;)
Are they sitting down this time? That means we won't see much of Mitt's robot-walk tonight.
Just to let everyone know. No matter what Obama says, all the Conservative media will say he fucked up and lost the election.
That is all.
No class tonight so I'm in. Have been anxious about this thing all day so I hope O brings his A-game.
Okay, I've got a bottle of a Columbia Crest red blend they call "Walter Clore" to start with. It's from 2001 and may be a bit past its prime, so I've decanted it and am pounding some cheap red to cleanse my palette…
What? This isn't the wine forum? Shoot, guess I'll go mix a few liters of Martinis.
Hopefully the white guy will get bitch slapped again.
So why do I have to log in every time I refresh? Anyone else encounter this irritating quirk?
Last time I ended up toggling back and forth between the current page (let's call it N) and the previous page (that would be N minus 1) and then back to N again, which seemed a roundabout way of refreshing, but at least I didn't have to log in again.
Although, with my new, larger p-ness, "logging in" could be more fun.
You're not at a computer at a public library are you?
I'm at home, with no pants on! Where are you? And what are you wearing?
At home, wearing only socks, underwear, and cheap shorts.
I'm not having to re-log (that sounds dirty), but I'm also not getting anyone's icons. I blame Al Gore.
So. It's Mammon-at-bay-Babylon-o'erthrown-etc. The usual drill, right?
Watching MSNBC, trying to convince me that Romney will win. Dammit, the electoral maps are favoring Obama! Right? Right?
Right. Chuck Todd wants a long career, so he shy away from making any declarations that are inside the margin of error, and still relying on polls from people that still answer the phone for unknown numbers (old people, hoping it's Sonny).
But, will there be blood?
No, but Obama's gonna drink Mitt's milk shake.
It's no country for old (white) men.
I'm staying with my parents' in between my old apartment and the move out west, so no alcohol for me beyond the bit I've already had sadly.
Oh the horror!
YAY OUT WEST, you crazy kids, I am so happy! And jealous. But very very happy. Wonkette love, it is the greatest.
It is the greatest!
And just what would you know about that, young lady? ;)
I have a suspicion we'll see some similar posts from some nice young Alabama lady soon enough. Smooches!
I'm drinking some Benessere Sangiovese in your honor. Too bad your parent's are lushes and drank everything I brought them in 2 days!
All QUIET – Our New QUEEN is on the Tele!
Lindsey Graham?
Marcus?
RUN BLANDPRESHOWBULLSHIT.EXE
Put on better fronts, go doc zoom! come fill me with your horn, Twilight Sparkle!
Ready when you are, Doktor!
Live from Boca Raton–the Rat's Mouth.
Apropos to be tuned in from my basement–the Ratskeller, pouring copious libations down my gullet.
I want Fakakta to be the special mystery guest! She is the smartest most funniest and most beautiful snarky politics-pop-culture-life commentator ever!
Also too the smartest.
No fucking lie. All my life I always been the smartest human in the room (not because I am all that because aI never got out in the world) but she's fucking brilliant quick whipsmart. Makes me humble.
Biased sampling!
Barnegat Lighthouse, Prommie?
That is indeed, for legal reasons I cropped out the couple standing beneath it.
Old Barney, I know him well.
New World Order Ponies!
Joy Division Cavalry!
ALL HAIL CELESTIA!!!
WELL? WHEAH IS IT?
I get to be here for this tonight, as for once I do NOT have a rehearsal.
I'm playing hookey from the show I'm supposed to be housemanaging. Faking a fever. I got it bad.
Tsk!! That's usually my job at our theatre, but I'm directing a show right now.
Oooh, Ann's got her bitch face on.
She has another?
Bitch and bitchier.
"George Bush's third term": that's my cue that our A Game is on.
boobs?
No. Those are my boots!!! High-heels, too. You must think I'm a freak!
SHOES don't fail me now.
The debate is being held in Lynn. Good job the VP debate wasn't there, I doubt Biden could have held back from making a "she's a very accommodating girl, that Lynn" joke!
The Secret Guest: it's just too bad Andrew Breitbart's Still Dead.
It's not Tucker Carlson, isn't it?
I'm hoping for Megan McCain.
He's still dead, too.
a Very Special Mystery Guest who we promise is not Clint Eastwood, though we will not absolutely rule out the possibility of talking to furniture.
I guess that rules out Barney Frank as the mystery guest.
Barney Frank would be cool, as long as we didn't have to see his moobs.
Lynn, Lynn, city of sin
Never come out the way you went in
I Dig A Brony.
Happiness is a warm brony.
No one else is hoping for…
SARA K SMITH?!
Or maybe Baby K. Smith's first liveblog!
I thought she was doing the mothering gig in NYC. Maybe it's just Ken Layne.
Brazilians invading Wonkette. That's foreign policy, right?
If this is in Boca Raton, do we have to POST IN ALL CAPS???
Elections make me so tired and nervous.
"My Plan will create
581220 million jawbs."I hope Mitt did a warm up before pulling that 12 million jobs out of his ass, you know that a quick reach around like that can hurt a guy.
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
The ladies synchronize the color again! Tonight it is grey or metallic.
If you go to MSNBC.com right now, it's just a creepy livefeed of a bunch of people sitting in the auditorium talking and coughing. HORROR MOVIE.
The Brazilians came back? maybe tonight I'll finally get an answer to my question about monkeys in Rio.
I wasn't going to watch the debate tonight but I don't think I can stand watching the Lions fail on national tv for the next 3 hours, there isn't enough vodka in the world.
Aha. "Turn on third-party cookies." But just this once. (I don't recall be able to turn on first-party cookies, but I'll give it a shot!)
CSPAN or GTFO.
What is the airspeed of an unladen swallow?
African or European?
Is an unladen swallow a hidden Monica Lewinsky reference?
Bob Schieffer reminds me of my granddad. Of course, my granddad has been dead for 20 years.
Ha! BBC
just talks right over poor old Bob.
I hope they have a cut off switch for the microphones.
You'll each be wearing a shock collar.
BOMB CUBA!
Alright, I'm callin' it — I'm sticking with the Bears until Mrs. Kincaid comes home in an hour, and then watching the debate on DVR. Y'all can use my ration of snark until late night!
Sounds more exciting.
Ah, the Cuban Missile Crisis. Good times!
Oh, no. Sobering reminders!
If I relapse before the end of the evening, I blame you all. Each and every one of you.
He won the toss. It's over.
Tonight's drinking game. Take a drink every time your glass is empty, and don't stop until 2016, when Hillary can rescue us from this idiocy.
http://www.hillaryis44.org/
Spoiler – it won't be funny.
Oh good, let's see Mitt try to be funny not on purpose.
What is this fucking dolt talking about, is he calling Morsi a member of the Muslim Brotherhood?
Is Mitt's flag lapel larger tonight or is his empty suit smaller?
He's been wearing that 'look at me' flag pin in all the debates. I think there should be a standard size, except for formal events. Big flag pins on jammies are ok.
"We can't kill our way out of this mess?" Off the reservation!! He's going rogue!!!
We can't kill our way out of this mess?
Schieffer just gave a summary of what happened last week on Fox News.
"In less than two weeks of what we spent in Iraq…" Ouch.
Bamz just justified the US deaths offset Gadhaffi's death – end justified the means. Not good.
And a guy whose middle name is "Mitt" can engage the Muslim world.
"Interrupt the bad guys"–Mitt
Like you did 38 times last week.
Gender equality for Muslims but not in America?
A rising tide lifts all terrorists.
If only they would convert to the Church of Latter Day Saints.
Mitt's incoherent again. Really doesn't understand this…
Murmle-murmle-murmle! Simper for dear life, Willard! Suck the chrome BACK ON that trailer-hitch! Your Mittmentum is deflating!
Why there be no updates? I haz a sad!
They broke they internet already. I think they poured booze on it.
You mean outside of the main liveblog thread above started 20 minutes ago?
Flip Flip Flip Flip Flip…..
Haven't Olympic gymnastics been over for two months now?
And guess who' s suddenly all, like, for women's equality? In the Middle East.
Mitt is doing the smug face again.
Bamz is giving Mitt a high tech lynching.
STOP BEING MEAN TO ME!
"I've said everything, so the President's always wrong for attacking any specific thing I've said."
romney takes pass on benghazi. maybe new intelligence details backed him off??
@AlbertBrooks: In 30 minutes a jihadist is going to come on stage and both men will wrestle him.
Shut up both of you. Jesus Christ.
Yes, give it to him! Yes.
Mitt Rmoney is a dick. There. I said it.
♫ I second that emotion….♪
I cannot keep with you all!
Then you should see the actual liveblog thread.
There's a new thread.
It's early but this is like Denver in reverse.
Toppling Arab totalitarian scum = a rising tide of chaos & tumult.
Did Mitt just repeat what Obama just say?
Mitt's so fucking dumb he does not know how to do diplomacy you do not say the situation in Syria is "an opportunity for us," like we are vampires loooking to profit on blood and how does anyone want to help us there if he says outright its only our selfish interest is why we want to do something?
And how do you guarantee getting a new leader who is friendly. Without us invading and establishing a puppet anyway.
Can someone explain to me why Mitt Romney has defiled his flag pin with an R? Is that legal?
We don't need pretty ponies anymore, this isn't 1916.
Mitt has nothing so he resorts to the weakness card and the stupid apology tour.
Smack him for that apology tour bullshit Obama, slap him slap him slap him hard
Watching the debate, it was obvious that Romney was trying so hard to not have to fight it was almost like he was back in France that time he forgot to go to Vietnam.
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
Shit! Barb is back; no more phoning it in.
Plz we can haz mobile wonkette? Withheld fomented? What? Going. Stupendous acid! Shit. Stupid make up words, pfft
Edit going equal fucking. Meep
Shut teh fuck up, you were HERE???
Yes, Babydoll. I will be there again next month and we must be outdoorsy and drink on patios. Love ya!
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