My God...It's full of hooves

Yes, There Will Be A Debate Livebloog Tonight!

All Your Foreign Policy Are Belong To UsSettle down, you miscreants! We know we freaked you out a little today by not updating while Your Editrix was out and the Brazilians came back, but rest assured: Tudo está de volta ao normal agora.

Joining Your Doktor Zoom at 9 Eastern tonight (via the sekrit Wonkette Chat Cave) will be Your Editrix, Your Jesse Taylor, and a Very Special Mystery Guest who we promise is not Clint Eastwood, though we will not absolutely rule out the possibility of talking to furniture.

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • YouFail4eva

    But will there be cake and buttsechs? These are the issues that the undecided bloggee needs to know about!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Chips and booze?

      • YouFail4eva

        Fish and Tartar Sauce!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Tartar sauce? Bring on the fucking CHILLI sauce, man!

          • YouFail4eva

            Yeah, but then I have gas tomorrow, and the last time I had gas I knocked out a conference room… it was very traumatic. Now I just drink brine. A lot less flatulence.

    • MosesInvests

      Shoes?

  • JackObin

    In honor of the future President, I will not drink alcohol or coffee this evening, but will attempt to make many babies.

    • FakaktaSouth

      And in honor of our current President, I will be a fake Muslo-commie, while smoking in secret and screaming OSAMA IS DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

      Also, NO MORE BABIES, yes more alcohol.

      • prommie

        Amen! No more babies! They clutter up the getaway car something awful, next thing you know we're knocking off 7-11s for huggies and leaving the kids on the roof of the car.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        THERE you are~!

        • FakaktaSouth

          Cheers Sweetcheeks! And love love love!

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Wait, our Editrix got a Brazillian?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      (See Benincasa, Sara.)

  • badseeds

    Wait, did you say Our Editrix might talk to a sex chair?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Might talk sex to a chair.

  • sbj1964

    The Rumble in the Jungle!OK it's Florida.The scuffle on the the shuffleboard court.Two old guys argueing.Is Florida ready for this?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      The deebate in the swamp state? The showdown in the rat town? The pimp hand in the estuarine wetland?

  • Pithaughn

    Symbian or Get the heck out.
    I'm soryy, too many dark and stormies

    • dawgeral

      Yes. "The camel died quite suddenly on the third day…"

  • gullywompr

    I'll never be able to watch 2001 again unfettered.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Guess it's time for a hair of the dog style treatment.

    • dawgeral

      That's not a dog! That's Calista's wig.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    If Bamz looks distracted it's probably because he's watching Da Bears offstage.

  • Barbara_

    Just walked in the door from vacation. Time to start drinking.

    • Pithaughn

      Cuba Libra!!

      • Barbara_

        Pour me one, Pit. Thanks!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Wondered where you were. Welcome back!

      • BadKitty904

        Hear, hear!

        • Barbara_

          Here, Kitty Kitty. Good to see you, as always.

      • Barbara_

        WeeJee, I got to meet Mina for the first time. I'm in love with that little gal.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Grandbabies are so very special.

          • Barbara_

            WeeJee, I landed in LA and tapped everyone on the shoulder and asked if they knew how I could find Rebecca. I might have tried to slap the information out of some.

          • commiegirl99

            Shut teh fuck up, you were HERE???

          • Barbara_

            Yes, Babydoll. I will be there again next month and we must be outdoorsy and drink on patios. Love ya!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Hey Buddy! I'm watchin' the Bears, and a little birdy informs me you may have as well.

      • Barbara_

        Chet, I go mental when you aren't a part of my day. So glad to see you.

  • Goonemeritus

    I've dusted off my Pom Poms and I'm wearing my "Go Commies" red sweatshirt.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    MY GOD…IT'S FULL OF HOOVES

    Is it the glue that binds us?

  • Veritas78

    I've already got my binders of women, so no need for restraining orders this time.

  • MUHAMMED_PBUH

    I DECLARE A FATWA ON THOSE GODDAMN PONIES

    • Pithaughn

      I third that

    • SorosBot

      Someone needs to learn the meaning of friendship.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Damn Bronies.

  • chascates

    I see the Doctor is still horsing around.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Is there a rendering plant nearby your digs?

      • chascates

        No, but I'm butchering a pig this week for a birthday party this weekend. The cheeks of the horse are highly prized in parts of Europe and I've always wanted to try curing the rear leg of a horse or donkey for a ham.

        • prommie

          I've been wanting to spitroast a lamb forever.

          • chascates

            I've seen several recipes for roasting a lamb in the ground pit. I forget the particulars but the photos looked delicious.
            We'll be roasting the pig whole. He's about 5 months old and led a very happy life.

  • coolhandnuke

    …and the Brazilians came back,..

    This is good news for Michael Caine.

  • Veritas78

    Plus, I laid in an extra supply of gummed reinforcements.

  • C_R_Eature

    Do we need pants?

    • Loch_Nessosaur

      Pants are optional.

    • Veritas78

      Not after Labor Day, as I recall.

  • Veritas78

    Oh, and lookie here—I've got a bigger p-ness, too! The evening's off to a great start.

    • dawgeral

      Whatsa pxness?

  • emmelemm

    Is the secret guest Sara Benincasa? Say it's Sara Benincasa!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I assume that the notable Brazilian Wonkette invasion will be one the hot topics tonight. I mean, what else have they got to talk about that is more important?

    • MosesInvests

      kkkkkkk

  • tracyhasfun

    This election cycle has ruined my liver. But boy, my threshold is waaaaaay up there now.

    • dawgeral

      That "thing" flopping around the living-room floor is NOT your liver. Look, one of the batteries fell out! It stopped. :(

      • tracyhasfun

        ;)

  • MegPasadena

    Are they sitting down this time? That means we won't see much of Mitt's robot-walk tonight.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Just to let everyone know. No matter what Obama says, all the Conservative media will say he fucked up and lost the election.

    That is all.

  • Callyson

    No class tonight so I'm in. Have been anxious about this thing all day so I hope O brings his A-game.

  • Lot_49

    Okay, I've got a bottle of a Columbia Crest red blend they call "Walter Clore" to start with. It's from 2001 and may be a bit past its prime, so I've decanted it and am pounding some cheap red to cleanse my palette…

    What? This isn't the wine forum? Shoot, guess I'll go mix a few liters of Martinis.

  • Beowoof

    Hopefully the white guy will get bitch slapped again.

  • Veritas78

    So why do I have to log in every time I refresh? Anyone else encounter this irritating quirk?

    Last time I ended up toggling back and forth between the current page (let's call it N) and the previous page (that would be N minus 1) and then back to N again, which seemed a roundabout way of refreshing, but at least I didn't have to log in again.

    Although, with my new, larger p-ness, "logging in" could be more fun.

    • chascates

      You're not at a computer at a public library are you?

      • Veritas78

        I'm at home, with no pants on! Where are you? And what are you wearing?

        • chascates

          At home, wearing only socks, underwear, and cheap shorts.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I'm not having to re-log (that sounds dirty), but I'm also not getting anyone's icons. I blame Al Gore.

  • BadKitty904

    So. It's Mammon-at-bay-Babylon-o'erthrown-etc. The usual drill, right?

  • stly92

    Watching MSNBC, trying to convince me that Romney will win. Dammit, the electoral maps are favoring Obama! Right? Right?

    • gullywompr

      Right. Chuck Todd wants a long career, so he shy away from making any declarations that are inside the margin of error, and still relying on polls from people that still answer the phone for unknown numbers (old people, hoping it's Sonny).

  • LibrarianX

    But, will there be blood?

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      No, but Obama's gonna drink Mitt's milk shake.

    • NellCote71

      It's no country for old (white) men.

  • SorosBot

    I'm staying with my parents' in between my old apartment and the move out west, so no alcohol for me beyond the bit I've already had sadly.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Oh the horror!

    • FakaktaSouth

      YAY OUT WEST, you crazy kids, I am so happy! And jealous. But very very happy. Wonkette love, it is the greatest.

      • emmelemm

        It is the greatest!

      • SorosBot

        And just what would you know about that, young lady? ;)

      • MissTaken

        I have a suspicion we'll see some similar posts from some nice young Alabama lady soon enough. Smooches!

    • MissTaken

      I'm drinking some Benessere Sangiovese in your honor. Too bad your parent's are lushes and drank everything I brought them in 2 days!

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    All QUIET – Our New QUEEN is on the Tele!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Lindsey Graham?

    • dawgeral

      Marcus?

  • lulzmonger

    RUN BLANDPRESHOWBULLSHIT.EXE

  • stly92

    Put on better fronts, go doc zoom! come fill me with your horn, Twilight Sparkle!

  • just_a_head

    Ready when you are, Doktor!

  • coolhandnuke

    Live from Boca Raton–the Rat's Mouth.
    Apropos to be tuned in from my basement–the Ratskeller, pouring copious libations down my gullet.

  • prommie

    I want Fakakta to be the special mystery guest! She is the smartest most funniest and most beautiful snarky politics-pop-culture-life commentator ever!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Also too the smartest.

      • prommie

        No fucking lie. All my life I always been the smartest human in the room (not because I am all that because aI never got out in the world) but she's fucking brilliant quick whipsmart. Makes me humble.

    • gullywompr

      Biased sampling!

    • C_R_Eature

      Barnegat Lighthouse, Prommie?

      • prommie

        That is indeed, for legal reasons I cropped out the couple standing beneath it.

        • C_R_Eature

          Old Barney, I know him well.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    New World Order Ponies!

    • coolhandnuke

      Joy Division Cavalry!

    • stly92

      ALL HAIL CELESTIA!!!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    WELL? WHEAH IS IT?

  • viennawoods13

    I get to be here for this tonight, as for once I do NOT have a rehearsal.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I'm playing hookey from the show I'm supposed to be housemanaging. Faking a fever. I got it bad.

      • viennawoods13

        Tsk!! That's usually my job at our theatre, but I'm directing a show right now.

  • gullywompr

    Oooh, Ann's got her bitch face on.

    • BadKitty904

      She has another?

      • NellCote71

        Bitch and bitchier.

  • Veritas78

    "George Bush's third term": that's my cue that our A Game is on.

  • rocktonsam

    boobs?

    • dawgeral

      No. Those are my boots!!! High-heels, too. You must think I'm a freak!

  • Not_Mother

    SHOES don't fail me now.

  • savethispatient

    The debate is being held in Lynn. Good job the VP debate wasn't there, I doubt Biden could have held back from making a "she's a very accommodating girl, that Lynn" joke!

  • C_R_Eature

    The Secret Guest: it's just too bad Andrew Breitbart's Still Dead.

    It's not Tucker Carlson, isn't it?

    • chascates

      I'm hoping for Megan McCain.

    • dawgeral

      He's still dead, too.

  • GuanoFaucet

    a Very Special Mystery Guest who we promise is not Clint Eastwood, though we will not absolutely rule out the possibility of talking to furniture.

    I guess that rules out Barney Frank as the mystery guest.

    • MosesInvests

      Barney Frank would be cool, as long as we didn't have to see his moobs.

  • missannethropal

    Lynn, Lynn, city of sin
    Never come out the way you went in

  • C_R_Eature
    • gullywompr

      Happiness is a warm brony.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    No one else is hoping for…

    SARA K SMITH?!

    • SorosBot

      Or maybe Baby K. Smith's first liveblog!

    • chascates

      I thought she was doing the mothering gig in NYC. Maybe it's just Ken Layne.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Brazilians invading Wonkette. That's foreign policy, right?

  • Veritas78

    If this is in Boca Raton, do we have to POST IN ALL CAPS???

  • orygoon

    Elections make me so tired and nervous.

  • VinnyThePooh

    "My Plan will create 5 8 12 20 million jawbs."

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      I hope Mitt did a warm up before pulling that 12 million jobs out of his ass, you know that a quick reach around like that can hurt a guy.
      http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com

  • MegPasadena

    The ladies synchronize the color again! Tonight it is grey or metallic.

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    If you go to MSNBC.com right now, it's just a creepy livefeed of a bunch of people sitting in the auditorium talking and coughing. HORROR MOVIE.

  • el_donaldo

    The Brazilians came back? maybe tonight I'll finally get an answer to my question about monkeys in Rio.

  • VodkaGoGo

    I wasn't going to watch the debate tonight but I don't think I can stand watching the Lions fail on national tv for the next 3 hours, there isn't enough vodka in the world.

  • Veritas78

    Aha. "Turn on third-party cookies." But just this once. (I don't recall be able to turn on first-party cookies, but I'll give it a shot!)

  • C_R_Eature

    CSPAN or GTFO.

  • chascates

    What is the airspeed of an unladen swallow?

    • MosesInvests

      African or European?

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Is an unladen swallow a hidden Monica Lewinsky reference?

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    Bob Schieffer reminds me of my granddad. Of course, my granddad has been dead for 20 years.

  • AlterNewt

    Ha! BBC
    just talks right over poor old Bob.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I hope they have a cut off switch for the microphones.

  • chascates

    You'll each be wearing a shock collar.

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    BOMB CUBA!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Alright, I'm callin' it — I'm sticking with the Bears until Mrs. Kincaid comes home in an hour, and then watching the debate on DVR. Y'all can use my ration of snark until late night!

    • chascates

      Sounds more exciting.

  • Veritas78

    Ah, the Cuban Missile Crisis. Good times!

  • AlterNewt

    Oh, no. Sobering reminders!

  • BathroomGoblin

    If I relapse before the end of the evening, I blame you all. Each and every one of you.

  • AlterNewt

    He won the toss. It's over.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Tonight's drinking game. Take a drink every time your glass is empty, and don't stop until 2016, when Hillary can rescue us from this idiocy.

  • gullywompr

    Spoiler – it won't be funny.

  • missannethropal

    Oh good, let's see Mitt try to be funny not on purpose.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    What is this fucking dolt talking about, is he calling Morsi a member of the Muslim Brotherhood?

  • coolhandnuke

    Is Mitt's flag lapel larger tonight or is his empty suit smaller?

    • chascates

      He's been wearing that 'look at me' flag pin in all the debates. I think there should be a standard size, except for formal events. Big flag pins on jammies are ok.

  • Veritas78

    "We can't kill our way out of this mess?" Off the reservation!! He's going rogue!!!

  • gullywompr

    We can't kill our way out of this mess?

  • Not_Mother

    Schieffer just gave a summary of what happened last week on Fox News.

  • Veritas78

    "In less than two weeks of what we spent in Iraq…" Ouch.

  • gullywompr

    Bamz just justified the US deaths offset Gadhaffi's death – end justified the means. Not good.

  • Veritas78

    And a guy whose middle name is "Mitt" can engage the Muslim world.

  • coolhandnuke

    "Interrupt the bad guys"–Mitt
    Like you did 38 times last week.

  • Veritas78

    Gender equality for Muslims but not in America?

  • chascates

    A rising tide lifts all terrorists.

  • chascates

    If only they would convert to the Church of Latter Day Saints.

  • gullywompr

    Mitt's incoherent again. Really doesn't understand this…

  • lulzmonger

    Murmle-murmle-murmle! Simper for dear life, Willard! Suck the chrome BACK ON that trailer-hitch! Your Mittmentum is deflating!

  • YouFail4eva

    Why there be no updates? I haz a sad!

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      They broke they internet already. I think they poured booze on it.

    • SorosBot

      You mean outside of the main liveblog thread above started 20 minutes ago?

  • nirrti_rachelle

    Flip Flip Flip Flip Flip…..

    Haven't Olympic gymnastics been over for two months now?

  • NellCote71

    And guess who' s suddenly all, like, for women's equality? In the Middle East.

  • MegPasadena

    Mitt is doing the smug face again.

  • gullywompr

    Bamz is giving Mitt a high tech lynching.

  • gullywompr

    STOP BEING MEAN TO ME!

  • Veritas78

    "I've said everything, so the President's always wrong for attacking any specific thing I've said."

  • Not_Mother

    romney takes pass on benghazi. maybe new intelligence details backed him off??

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    @AlbertBrooks: In 30 minutes a jihadist is going to come on stage and both men will wrestle him.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Shut up both of you. Jesus Christ.

  • Veritas78

    Yes, give it to him! Yes.

  • viennawoods13

    Mitt Rmoney is a dick. There. I said it.

    • kittensdontlie

      I second that emotion….♪

  • prommie

    I cannot keep with you all!

    • SorosBot

      Then you should see the actual liveblog thread.

  • gullywompr

    There's a new thread.

  • Not_Mother

    It's early but this is like Denver in reverse.

  • lulzmonger

    Toppling Arab totalitarian scum = a rising tide of chaos & tumult.

  • MegPasadena

    Did Mitt just repeat what Obama just say?

  • prommie

    Mitt's so fucking dumb he does not know how to do diplomacy you do not say the situation in Syria is "an opportunity for us," like we are vampires loooking to profit on blood and how does anyone want to help us there if he says outright its only our selfish interest is why we want to do something?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      And how do you guarantee getting a new leader who is friendly. Without us invading and establishing a puppet anyway.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Can someone explain to me why Mitt Romney has defiled his flag pin with an R? Is that legal?

  • BlueStateLibel

    We don't need pretty ponies anymore, this isn't 1916.

  • MegPasadena

    Mitt has nothing so he resorts to the weakness card and the stupid apology tour.

  • prommie

    Smack him for that apology tour bullshit Obama, slap him slap him slap him hard

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    Watching the debate, it was obvious that Romney was trying so hard to not have to fight it was almost like he was back in France that time he forgot to go to Vietnam.
    http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com

  • ttommyunger

    Shit! Barb is back; no more phoning it in.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Plz we can haz mobile wonkette? Withheld fomented? What? Going. Stupendous acid! Shit. Stupid make up words, pfft

    Edit going equal fucking. Meep