the protocrowleys of the elders of CNN

Intrepid Conservative Blogger Magnificently Exposes Massive Hofstra-Based Conspiracy

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

c-o-n...conspiracy!
Follow along, libtards, as some guy on the internet blows your whole world up.

Last week’s town hall debate was notable for many things – Romney trying to bumrush Obama like eighteen times, Obama not falling asleep five minutes in, and Candy Crowley sort of correcting Mitt Romney by shooting him right in his stupid face. But surely there is an explanation besides “Mitt was completely wrong” for why Crowley dared stand up to America’s Next President?

Duh.

A blogger at something called “The Last Refuge” and/or “The Conservative Treehouse” (they LUV Andy Breitbart!) has compiled an exhaustive breakdown of exactly how Crowley, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama and Kerry Ladka, the infamous questioner/executioner, conspired to completely and totally embarrass Mitt Romney for about fifteen seconds and therefore lose him every swing state.

Because the theory is complex, multifaceted and largely based on a series of “coincidences” so startlingly coincidental they cannot be coincidences at all, we will give you the Cliffs’ Notes version.

One: Kerry Ladka came up with the question the day before the debate, WHEN CANDY CROWLEY HAD SAID SHE ALREADY CHOSE THE QUESTIONS AND STUFF.

Candy Crowley told Erin Burnett on CNN’s show Out Front, Monday Night 10/15, that she had collected the questions from the invited and vetted debate audience at Hofstra University and was reviewing them. This was Monday on the 7pm broadcast of Erin Burnett. The Debate was Tuesday.

When the question on Libya was asked by audience member Kerry Ladka, he prefaced the question by saying:

….this question actually comes from my, err, um, a brain trust of my friends at Global Telecom Supply in Mineola, yesterday we were sitting around talking about Libya…

If Candy Crowley already had the audience questions assembled the day before, how could Kerry Ladka and his brain trust friends have been writing one?

If Candy Crowley had the questions at 7PM on Monday, and Ladka was coming up with the question with his friends on Monday, how could he possibly have come up with a brief interrogatory about Libya in the nineteen hours before Candy Crowley went on the air?

Sponsored Intermission

The simplest answer: he could not have. Nobody at or near Hofstra University can form a question within any period less than twenty hours, which makes people asking about specials at bars the absolute worst.

B: Obama KNEW the question was coming and where it was coming from and the guy’s name and just fucking everything, Jesus.

When she said “we are changing topics to a question from Kerry… from Kerry Ladka“, Obama already knew what to look for and where he was seated. There are numerous “TELLS” Watch the video – it is at 1:06:35 Watch.

President Obama moved (physically walked) directly toward Kerry Ladka, and said “Hi Kerry“,… (but oddly Kerry had not moved, nor identified himself) …. then, rut roh,…. after an internal psyche trigger kicked in, President Obama does the ((‘oops’)) *looks around* as if to say where am I going… then asks “what’s your name“?

Look, I was going to do an exhaustive breakdown of all the times anyone asked a question and when the candidates moved toward them, but why bother? Even though Scary Barry was told Ladka’s name before Ladka started speaking, it is well known he does not listen to anyone who is not black. Therefore, the only way he could have known is if someone used Negro Telepathy to tell him BEFORE Ladka asked his question!

#3: Ladka’s question was TOO good.

Thirdly, within the carefully worded question itself is a very nuanced descriptive delivered by Ladka:

…”and we were reading, and we became aware of reports that the State Department refused extra security for our embassy in Benghazi Libya prior to the attacks that killed four Americans.

Who was it that denied enhanced security, and why?

The term “enhanced security” is the term used by the White House spokespeople and by the State Department spokesperson(s). It is just plain awkward and oddly not in a normal context for a general question from an unattached observer. Not to mention it perfectly “Tee’s Up” the only construct, and context, that Obama could defend and expand upon.

Don’t ever have a question “tee’d up,” guys, it’s totes painful.  Medicare covers less-painful tee’ing options.

It is simply painfully awkward for people to use words they obviously read from one of their 1,400-plus mentions in news stories in the past month, especially anyone near Hofstra, because they are functionally brain damaged from birth.

LETTER DEE: Michelle Obama clapped after Candy Crowley “corrected” Mitt, just like Jackie Kennedy did after she had JFK shot.

Previously covered on Wonkette. Still a travesty after all these days.

Conspiracy Element Epsilon: Kerry Ladka’s boss went to Hofstra; Kerry Ladka is on Twitter; you connect the dots.

Kerry Ladka works for Global Telecom Supply. More specifically he works for Isaac Elyassoff who is the current Vice-President at Global Telecom Supply. Guess where Elyassoff is an alumnus of ? Yep, Hofstra University, the site of the debate. It appears Elyassoff is in his mid twenties having graduated from Hofstra with a degree in Marketing and Business 2002-2006. Obamabot? Ideology? Check out his twittery friends.

Why would random undecided voter, Mr. Kerry Ladka, of Long Island NY, be calling media outlets, media pundits, and requesting to be on their shows?

Just a randomly selected “undecided voter”/”audience member” chosen by CNN?

Happenstance?

You sort of lost us there, guy, because Ladka was trolling for media appearances the day after the debate, which kind of makes complete sense, but, um…also, why did you link to a random Brooklyn-based political reporter?

Wait…if this part of the conspiracy, the key, critical portion, is complete bullshit, then could the whole rest of this be…no. No. NO.

We know what you did, entire liberal media apparatus. And we will not let you get away with it just because you can easily disprove every element of the allegation. That’s how these things work.

[The Conservative Tree Refuge / via Wonkville story miner chascates]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • UnholyMoses

    The dumb is strong with this one …

    (ADDING: I'd ask if he/she figured out what kind of footwear Obama was wearing and how it factored into this, but I'd hate to be banned.)

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      BECAUSE OBAMA STOLED HIS SHOES!

      • Esteev

        What is this all about? /nosnark

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212
          • Esteev

            Thanks. I'm back in-the-know! Is it wrong that I started laughing when I read that linked post?

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            It was one of the funniest things Air America ever broadcast, which is saying a lot

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Air what?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Some of us seem to get hit with an admin script that eats our comments for mentioning footwear. Apparently, actor is not affected. (Glowers bitterly at actor)

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Shoes for industry! Shoes for the dead! Remember, never give up your shoes!

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            Wow, I mentioned footwear (starting with the letter "ess…") and I find myself in comment moderation limbo. Actor, how do you do it?!?

          • bikerlaureate

            Did you try "zapatas" ?

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            Whatever you do, take care of your shoes.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Eated, at least. I got eated twice for shooz today.

    • Radiotherapy

      Haha, Russ is pooping out the same thing today for all the radioland idjuts.

  • Crank_Tango

    Too confusing. Now I am confused. I will just go take a nap and assume ACORN has everything under control.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      this is the best response crank.

      i endorse this action.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Mittens doesn't need a conspiracy to embarrass himself. He's perfectly capable of handing that on his own. It may, in fact, be the only thing he is perfectly capable of doing on his own.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Point F is that Mitt Romney is in on it too, because look at how he pressed, nay, begged for Candy Crowley to shoot him right in his Abraham Lincoln, with vote-flavored assassin fact-checking!

      OMG! THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE MITTBOT!!

  • snowpointsecret

    I'm sorry, I tuned this out after "The Conservative Treehouse." It sounds like a 12 year old kid in Tennessee with a "NO GURLS ALOWD" sign in his tree.

    Wait, what was the story again?

    • PubOption

      Chances are there will be some other groups that will not be alowd.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Of the complected variety, even.

    • Lot_49

      These complicated posts are part of the plot to keep us from the REAL TRUTH!

  • hagajim

    Late to the party today, and after that bit of brainmush I kinda wish I hadn't shown up at all….jeesh.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      No, no, stay. The debates will be live-blooged, and everybody will get screamy and nutsoid. It'll be fun. If we survive.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Negro Telepathy

    It's what made the Underground Railroad run on time.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You must be white. Ev'body knows WE folks run on CPT.

      • sullivanst

        You're symmetric?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I converted.

          Oh, you said symmetric.

    • Esteev

      No, you're thinking of Soul Train.

  • Pragmatist2

    The Tea Party is made up entirely of the white guys who, when their team loses, blame the referee.

    • Esteev

      This. This. This.

      They cannot accept defeat. But they always lose. And it's always their own fault.

      Who is the petulant child?

    • unclejeems

      Are we sure this guy is not a Texas Aggie? That would just be too perfect.

  • snowpointsecret

    New York Mets fans? (Okay, maybe just my grandpa >>)

    • Lucidamente1

      Most of us blame the ownership for signing shitty players and getting rid of good ones.

      • snowpointsecret

        So basically baseball's version of the Cincinnati Bengals.

        • UnholyMoses

          And KC Royals. Though we give them away because our cheap ass fuck owner won't pay them fair market value.

          Oh, and then there's the Cheaps …

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Amen, brother, preach it loud.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      HEY! We're not fucking Yankee fans!

      • snowpointsecret

        I'm actually glad he's not representative of the fanbase then, he was really crazy…

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

        Hey, fuck you! My roommate tries to gloat, and my standard reaction has been to yawn, shrug, and point out that there's always next year.

        Y'know, statistically speaking.

        • sullivanst

          Yeah, yeah. I still remember my colleague complaining on 11/5/09 about how nine years was so long to have waited, only to be told to SHUT UP! by everyone else in the office.

      • tessiee

        "We're not fucking Yankee fans!"

        So, what kind of Yankee fans *are* you, then?
        Or, alternately:
        So who *are* you fucking, then?

    • sullivanst

      Hey, at least it's only Mets fans that grumble, as opposed to, say, the actual Braves ballclub.

  • mrpuma2u

    Wow and I thought these mouth breathing hover round meatheads were clutching at straws with the whole "acts of terror" semantics whining/hair splitting….

    • rickmaci

      Depends on the meaning of "of".

      • Esteev

        I think it means "Obama deliberately put those people in harms way."

        • tessiee

          or, you could be like Ronna Romney (one of Mitt's relatives, not a Scooby Doo villain), and post pictures of the dead ambassador on your facebook page saying, "Obama killed this guy".
          http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2012/10/sta

          PS. she has apparently since taken the page down.

  • AlterNewt

    I'm sure Schieffer will bring this up right at the beginning, but in a way that will benefit Obama because of course he's in the tank just like all of them are. Every single one of them.

    • elviouslyqueer
      • AlterNewt

        I rest my case.

      • Esteev

        I wonder how long the thought sloshed around in Tinsley's head that it isn't the moderator that makes Romney look uninformed and undecided? Hmm…

  • Lucidamente1

    It was my understanding that there would be no math during the debates.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      No POLYmath.

      You gotta listen gooder.

    • bikerlaureate

      No meth.

      • sullivanst

        Unless branded as Desoxyn.

  • delaney_blom

    No way Obama was in on this one. When Candy said the next question was from someone named "Kerry," the president clearly thought it was a woman and turned on the panty-melting charm. When the guy stood up, Barry was very confused, "What's your name again? I swear Crowley said the next one was from a chick."

    • noodlesalad

      This x1000. I remember Obama's confusion really clearly, he heard Kerry and thought it was a lady.

      PS this would have destroyed Bill Clinton, Obama took it relatively in stride.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      So, this, um, panty-melting thing? You got any tips on how to do that?

      • sullivanst

        1. Have a Grammy-award-winning voice.
        2. Become President of the USA
        3. ???
        4. Profit.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Yeah, I thought as much. Some other guy has that gig sewed up, man. I saw his chair at the table, it had a sign, "This seat taken."

      • delaney_blom

        One thing that really helps is those panties made out of fruit roll-ups.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Where you get those, dude or dudine?

    • Gleem McShineys

      That is what I thought I saw, too.

      As further proof, right at that moment, you see Kerry reaching into his coat pocket, for HIS SPARE PANTIES obvs, because his melted.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You're *so* observant, Gleem!

      • sullivanst

        Yes, he totally wasn't reaching for the piece of paper he and his brain trust had written the question on, because if he had such a thing, that might make the conspiracy theorist's claim that the question was too "nuanced" and used highfallutin' words and therefore had to be a plant look even more completely absurd.

    • mille derps

      I thought Obama said "Karen" before the guy started to ask his question.

  • UnholyMoses
  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    My friends and I from the Wonkette brain trust, yesterday we were sitting around talking about conservatives, and the question came up: How can they be so fucking stupid?

    • mrpuma2u

      You take your basic liberal, then you remove critical thinking parts, and common sense parts, replace those with rabid patriotism and paranoia, et voila!

      • Lot_49

        Plus a desire to compensate for a small peen by angrily demanding that other people's kids be sent off to war.

  • Indiepalin

    Another graduate of Hofstra is Christopher Walken, who shot himself in the head in "The Deer Hunter". You do the math.

    • BadKitty904

      WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

      (please note the obligatory "ALL CAPS")

      • mille derps

        Okay, Master Sheeple, I noted the obigatory "ALL CAPS".

        What do I do next? I need someone to decide for me.

    • Esteev

      Good god man! If this is true. I mean, how is Mr Walken still, uh, walking around?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Walken's parents owned a bakery in Astoria.

      This is an ass of a story. Uh.

      PS So is Bernie Madoff an alum of Hofstra

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      When you're walken to hunt deer, the Lorentz Transformations are a mapping that Cheney will shoot Mittens in the butt with rock salt if Willard chokes the upcoming foreign policy debate?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Sarah? Sarah Palin, is that YOU?

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Not to mention carried a watch in his ass for the entire war.

      • BadKitty904

        "Do you hear ticking?"

      • Esteev

        It still keeps crappy time.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Wait, is that true? According to the internets, Walken attended for one year. He reportedly had a fever that forced him to drop out. He was cured with the application of more cow bells and the rest, as they say, is history.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      Actually, TRUFAX, any conspiracy theorist worth his or her* salt knows that Walken murdered Natalie Wood. WHAT DID SHE KNOW????!!

      *(In the case of an ex-girlfriend back in college, who was how I first heard about this, when she soberly told me that Walken was not awesome, but rather a cold-blooded murderer)

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    Well, Rule 5e states, “The candidates may not ask each other direct questions during any of the four debates."

    AND ROMNEY ASKED OBAMA "You said in the Rose Garden the day after the attack it was an act of terror; it was not a spontaneous demonstration. Is that what you are saying?"

    BUSTED! LOL, LO.. oh wait, this conspiracy is supposed to work for Romney.

    My bad, in which case "Proceed, Ghost Breitbart"

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    After this not at all incoherent diatribe, the blogger logged off, and returned to his/her job at the tinfoil hat factory.

  • DCBloom

    NEGRO TELEPATHY!?
    Cool! Is it like the Vulcan mind-meld?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You know how all the brothers walking down the street all know each other? Now you know how.

      • Esteev

        Word.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I knew you'd say that.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      You've never seen or read "The Shining", "The Green Mile" or "The Stand", by noted Magic Negro Expert Stephen King?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        "Magical Negro" would be a really good name for a funk band.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      Only when Tuvok does it.

  • Esteev

    Is this going to be on the test?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Why for you all want to pain my brain only ah? So like dis one. Hopeless ony. Goblocks.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm amazed nobody asked me to translate that.

      • sullivanst

        We've learned better.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          CRE_ature LIES, dammit! I am NOT eating the neighbours.

  • calliecallie

    "…Crowley, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama and Kerry Ladka, the infamous questioner/executioner, conspired to completely and totally embarrass Mitt Romney for about fifteen seconds AND THEREFORE LOSE HIM EVERY SWING STATE."

    Let's all conspire to do that, shall we?

  • BadKitty904

    None Dare Call It…

    Well, yeah, actually, yes, they did.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    *Sigh*

    Peak Wingnut is not upon us yet, I'm afraid.

    • Esteev

      Peak Wingnut sounds painful.

      Is there a topical cream or some home remedy? Please, don't say "reading" and "keeping an open mind" are the only cure.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I prescribe drinking liberally.

        • Esteev

          Ha! I do that anyway!

          • UnholyMoses

            You're cured!! YAY!

          • Lascauxcaveman

            There's no cure. Just treatment.

        • Gleem McShineys

          The science is not settled on this. Some People Say that alcohol kills brain cells.

          Theoretically, if you kill all of them, you could end up a wingnut.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Suppositories.

      • PhilippePetain

        We'll know when we're at Peak Wingnut when people start getting shot in the street over the loon's pet isssu….oh.

    • Loch_Nessosaur

      We only have one season in Florida and it's always Peak Wingnut.

    • BadKitty904

      The sky will be black with chickens coming home to roost…

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Only if they're *black* chickens.

    • mrpuma2u

      Be advised full moon coming on 10/29, stay indoors and away from conservative blogs that evening.

    • Cicada

      Peak Wingnut doesn't exist, they just keep getting crazier and crazier. The epic pants crapping that will occur if Mitt doesn't win will make this piece of batshittery look quaint in comparison.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You really think so?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Peak Wingnut seems to operate on the same principal as Zeno's dichotomy paradox..

      • CindynEncinitas

        Hopefully it will all only be a gedankenexperiment.

        • sullivanst

          Hahahahaha… wingnuts? Thinking? Funny joke!

  • stopthemovie

    The guy with the open umbrella on the grassie knoll sealed the deal for me.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What can be better for this country than to elect a person president who's followers are all batshit crazy and paranoid?

    Romney/Ryan '12!

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Wait a minute, isn't Romney up in the Gallup poll? Where are the Liberal paranoid conspiracy theories about that? That is the problem with LIbtards, they are just not as paranoid as Conservatives. As such, they will always come in last.

  • rickmaci

    Isn't it clear they were shooting mind numbing rays at Mitt over the last 30 minutes and he went all blank and lost his ability to think on his feet and when he stood up all the blood rushed to his lower body so he was barely able to walk and Barry Hussein stayed on his stool with the safety shield so the rays wouldn't hit him and Mitt would have to stumble around all helpless while that Candy kept the brain cell killing rays focused on poor Mitt. I know this happened. It was on the internet.

    • bikerlaureate

      Mistuh Romney's the one I want meeting with hostile foreign leaders, then, gol-darnit !

  • smitallica

    So, the alternatives are:
    1. This was a complex, multi-faceted conspiracy between an international news network, a respected university, and a Long Island private citizen to prompt a presidential candidate to step neatly and perfectly into a prepared trap during a televised national debate, or;
    2. Your candidate is a lying douchebag who got caught in his lying bouchebaggery.

    Ain't Occam's Razor a bitch??

    • Generation[redacted]

      Sorry, but you're failing to consider the most obvious explanation which is lalalalala I can't hear you lalalala!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Because shutup is the most logical explanation; yours is number two.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          All the explanations pretty much sound like Number Two to me.

    • tessiee

      Yes, and so is Ann.

  • Fairtackle

    Why the hell don't we have this kind of stuff on the left?! Obama was obviously drugged during that first debate. Considering how hyper Mitt was it is clear that Mitt drained some of Obamas mojo and used it to power up hisself. I can prove it, actually … I think I just did.

  • MacRaith

    The true art of the conspiracy theory lies in connecting completely unconnectable dots. This guy is good. Not great, mind you – a really great conspiracy theory would be, for example, demonstrating how the Kennedy family ordered the moon landings faked in order to distract attention away from the Chappaquiddick incident. This one isn't quite in that league. But it has potential.

    By the way, the true purpose of the Chappaquiddick incident was to dispose of Barack Obama's real birth certificate. It's very complicated, but I can prove it!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Why does this remind me of "Illuminatus!"

      • MacRaith

        Because the "Illuminatus!" trilogy is the greatest work of undercover journalism in history. Or the record of an acid-induced hallucination. Or possibly both.

        • CindynEncinitas

          Acid doesn't induce "hallucinations." It induces "insight." Especially when one is naked.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    In right-wingers' minds, they're all Hercule Poirot in Murder on the Orient Express, whereas in reality they're the stars of The Bobsey Twins and the Week-Long Meth and Hooker Binge. I certainly hope they get another four years of freedom from the reigns of power so they can really get to the bottom of all these conspiracies.

  • bureaucrap

    Actually, his name is "Latke" and he and his secret partners, "Applesauce" and "Dreidel" conspired to ask that question a mere two months before Hanukah, which has to do with Judea freeing itself from Syrian tyranny, which is related closely to Libya…well, because, well it does, and that's why it's a Jewish conspiracy to do something. I'm not sure what, really, because MITTENS SCREWED UP ALL BY HIMSELF!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You're friends with Robert Anton Wilson, aren't you?

    • MosesInvests

      Latke, eh? Kiss my yatabe.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wow. There is all kinds of all-encompassing crazy on that website.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, if Romney wins, will Wonkette just start making up paranoid fantasies about him? That is how Conservative Blogs survived the last four years.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      We'll do it the same way we survived Bush

      Heads up, it's a self-referential link to this thread. Let it soak into your browser.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Those never work.

    • CindynEncinitas

      Like you could stop us…

  • Schmannnity

    Shit, the guy acts like Zapruder filmed the debate.

    • sullivanst

      Also, apparently thinks that "OK" is in fact "Hi Kerry", and does not understand how three dimensional reality translates to two dimensional images in the TV recording process (either that and/or does not know the meaning of "directly" and/or "towards"), among numerous other obvious failings of intellect.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Read his archives. I'd recommend the part where the British conveniently decided to have their Olympics right before Mitt Romney arrives. Why? To distract the world from Mitt's elegant wordsmithery and powerful leadership, Obvs.

    • AlterNewt

      Bastards.

  • UnholyMoses

    IT'S GOTTA BE TEH SHOEZ!!!

    • CindynEncinitas

      When it absolutely, positively has to be in somebody's face!

  • pdiddycornchips

    BTW—I once dated a stripper in Reno named Letter Dee. She had a heart of gold.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    IF THIS ISN'T TRUE THEN WHY DOES KERRY LADKA ANAGRAM TO RED KLAY ARK? HUH? I'VE GOT GOOSEBUMPS PEOPLE! THIS GOES SO DEEP IT GOES ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP! ALSO, HAPPY CAPSLOCK DAY!!!!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That's all well and good, but November 6 is going to to be a lot tastier.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Wasn't the Hofstra just trying to protect its offspring? Yes, a few miners got all eaten up by her acid underbelly but…who will think of the Hofstra's children???!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Is this from one of Octavia Butler's stories? Because I kinda OD'd on that whole Bloodworm thing, yaknow.

  • qwerty42

    Should we just go ahead stop this whole "election" stuff and make this "Last Refuge" guy the next president?

  • ph7

    Undeniable:

    That Benghazi question came straight out of Candy's grassy knoll.

  • Come here a minute

    With any luck the conspiracy-theory-chasers at “The Last Refuge” and/or “The Conservative Treehouse” will be so busy chasing conspiracies that they will neglect to vote.

    • sullivanst

      Voting is part of a government conspiracy to legitimize government control over our lives. Pass it on!

      • bikerlaureate

        True Amercians don't condone the godless state of things by casting ballots!!!!1!

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    This is bullshit… Obama had a hypnotism ring on his left finger which took control of Mitt's brain using a network of satellites and disco balls.

  • Beowoof

    Here on full display is one of the giant intellects on the right. He thought this up and then put it on his highly regarded (as bullshit) web page. With paranoia this profound, I can appreciate his need for assault weapons, a rocket launcher and a .50cal machine gun to keep the scary monsters away.

  • BadKitty904

    "Do you run out of Kleenex, paper-towels, and toilet-paper at the *SAME TIME*? You know it's true!!!"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdCfYHNctsc

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    It's a riddle! Wrapped up in a danish! Inside a blintz!

  • Fox n Fiends

    This arguement is only twice as plausible as Romney's plan to cut the deficit.

  • rickmaci

    What kind of name is "Hofstra" anyway? Sounds Muslim to me. Probably was "Al Madrasa" until August 4, 1961 when the world wide jihadists decided to change the name.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "What's more, though some people would have ascribed those streaks in the sky the afternoon of the debate to jets passing high overhead, they were clearly chemtrails released by the Obama government as soporifics to lull moderator, reporters, Ann Romney's clothing advisor, the audience and, dare I say, the GLOBAL audience, into a stuporous state of extreme passive idiocy, as evidenced by the kind of extra-paranoid theory I am putting forth."

  • mavenmaven

    The secretest part of the conspiracy was that Mr Ladka was played by Andy Kaufman.

    • HarryButtle

      Thank you beddy much.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    If there is not a band or an improv comedy troupe called Negro Telepathy by the end of the week, I will be sorely disappointed.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Of all the questions, I thought Ladka's, (apart from making me want crunchy, hot potato pancakes), was the most conservative softball of all.
    Kerry tossed Mitt a softball, and Mitt threw back a meatball.

  • BadKitty904

    Up the airy mountain,
    Down the rushy glen,
    We daren't go a-hunting,
    For fear of little men…

  • sullivanst

    I love the assumption that just because LONG ISLAND, he's necessarily a liebrul plant.

    Drooling Moron, please meet your cousin, Pete King (R-Seaford).

  • Disassembly

    I prefer my questions wee wee'd up.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Hofstra spelled backward is the Kenyan-Indonesian name for Obama! That proves it!

  • sullivanst

    And whose campaign consists largely of the kinds of talking points that appeal only to the batshit crazy and paranoid, combined with denials that he's been advocating for any of the policy prescriptions he's spent the last two years saying he'd implement if elected.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Mitt Romney, the heroic Republican standard bearer who could not get 51% in any primary even though his main competition was Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Herman Cain and Michele Bachman has now lost the election because Candy Crowley was trying to limit the extent of his interruptions by stating a simple fact.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I'm thoroughly convinced that this country is "exceptional" in one way, and one way only: We have the the stupidest collection of brain-dead conspiracy theorists in the history of mankind. They don't have the brain power to blow their noses, as the olde sayeing goeth.

  • CindynEncinitas

    I'm sorry but all available cycles have been taken up by the news that Breaking Amish was not actually really the true story of those kids coming straight out of their Amish huts and encountering sunglasses and stuff. I has such a sad, you guys.

  • cousinitt

    There's just something about "right in his stupid face" that makes me have the funnies and gets me in a better mood for the debate.

  • glamourdammerung

    Wow, Romney must have had his ass handed to him pretty bad for the Republicans to STILL be crying and shaking their fists in impotent rage about it.

  • mbobier

    Negro Telepathy would be a great name for a band.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Ah, but they didn't know that Kerry Ladka was actually the illegitimate grand nephew of the second cousin twice removed of Judge Crater, who was one of the penners of the Protocols of Zion and legal adviser to the Bildebergers, who so totally faked the moon landing. See? It all makes sense. Just guard to precious bodily fluids!

  • rickmaci

    The RepubliCons wanted to have Dead Breitbart be the moderator. He was perfect. Would have just sat in the chair and kept his mouth shut, mostly.

    • cousinitt

      Dead Breitbart would face stiff competition from Bill the Cat, however, who I believe works for CNN.

  • decentcitizen

    Please proceed…

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    the conspirators have become the conspiracy!

  • ttommyunger

    If Candy left the Port Authority on foot heading for Newark at 12pm and Bammers Caught a Red-Eye from Dulles International headed for Atlanta at two pm on the same day and Bishop Romney sat in a sink full of Cottage Cheese playing the Harmonica with his eyes closed; which one will achieve Nirvana first, and who, if anyone, gives a fuck?