Teeny-tiny little “non-denominational” (FUCKIN’ CHRISTIAN, BOY) Church in the Valley of Leakey, Texas, has a new sign up welcoming everyone but Barack Obama.
The sign reads, “Vote for the Mormon, not the Muslim! The capitalist, not the communist!”
That marquee standing outside a non-denominational church has become the talk of the town in Leakey — about 90 miles northwest of San Antonio.
The Church in the Valley is run by Pastor Ray Miller. Miller declined an interview but did say the sign was solely his idea. He said he changes the sign weekly and this isn’t the first bold statement to be displayed.
The pastor said he feels strongly about the upcoming presidential election and feels the message on the marquee speaks for itself.
Yes, in that it says, quite loudly, “I do not want my tax exemption any more and am also a terrible dinner companion.”
Of course, you can simply add Pastor Miller to the growing flock (get it – religion pun!) of churches that are openly flouting IRS rules for religious nonprofits and endorsing political candidates. You see, it is clearly unconstitutional for the IRS to limit the freedom of speech in exchange for special tax treatment that is required nowhere in the Constitution, because of how America works.
For more on this, let’s check in with noted constitutional scholar/inexplicable Leakey tourist (state park and river nearby, dudes) Blake Fischer:
“I can see why there’s some controversy, because the separation of church, and maybe they shouldn’t get involved in it,” said tourist Blake Fischer. “But I don’t see no problem with them trying to send a message.”
Except for the double negative and the odd application of the principle of separation of church from something else, Fischer channels the very essence of Thomas Jefferson in responding to this sign. Presumably, he then had some legendarily freaky slave sex.
We Wonketeers wish the best to Miller and his church, who have had to suffer the trials and tribulations of constant threatened shutdowns for expressing their religious viewpoint, particularly in light of the Bible’s clear command to oppose both Islam and communism, despite both of those post-dating the Bible by centuries. It really is a book of untold knowledge!
[KVUE-TX]
{ 205 comments }
The town is not the only thing in town that's Leakey.
Pastor Miller, IRS on line 3.
Line 3? Doubt this place has a line one, for fuck's sake.
That's why these rinky-dink no-name little neighborhood churches get away with it. The IRS knows they haven't got a pot to piss in, much less any significant taxable assets.
Same reason the rich MegaChurches are a lot more careful about how they toot their dog whistles. They do have something to lose, if they screw up.
Actually, many of these old dying little churches sit atop quite valuable land which has been owned free and clear for decadesSent from the Field, not in Garrison.
Yes, but I imagine real estate prices in Leakey, TX would not much impress the IRS.
Property son, its all in the property. Not to mention the good old days of the IRS where you showed up one day and found a Yale Series 800 affixed to a heavy chain wrapped around your door.
Coke lines, on the other hand…
Moonshine, maybe.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
Vitter's diaper libel!!!
Communism and Muslimism is a Venn Diagram that doesn't intersect. This leaves Obama in an exclusive data set of 1 out of 7,000,000,000,000.
you used trillion instead of billion, but point taken.
I also supsect there's probably more than one communist muslim. For instance, I'll bet Fidel castro is a secret muslim.
I was including all the ants in my yard.
Also, Castro is a secret muslin. I read that on the internet.
I read that "Castro is a secret", and then I stopped reading.
The imagination runneth wild.
… street in San Francisco?
Castro's aide: But Presidente! America tried to kill you!
Fidel Castro: Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco.
Castro's aide: *whispers*
Fidel Castro: It's full of WHAT?!!!
— The Simpsons
So what if Islam is a religion and communism is an atheistic political philosophy, they're both Bad People and so they're the same!
Well, the problem is, ain't none of them communists is white. Muslins neither.
Exactly.
You are so so wrong. Yassir Arafat was that intersection. And the part where the overlap was, on the diagram, was indeed terrifying. The only thing more terrifying? If Yassir was a black. Which Obama is. So, Obama is at least one hundred times more scary than Yassir Arafat.
Arafat was not a true Muslim.
Yes, Mohammed Abdel Rahman Abdel Raouf Arafat al-Qudwa al-Husseini was more communist than muslim. Still, very very scary. And just like Obama.
OBAMUNISM!
It's a shame about Ray…
You can call me Ray. You can call me Jay. You can call me Pastor Miller. But don't you ever call me a Mooslim.
…bless his heart.
Or lack thereof.
That valley clearly is not deep enough.
Whatchootalkinbout? Those valleys are all just the right depth.
Fortunately, all donations are made to the Leakey, Texas Church of the Cayman Islands Ministry.
"can we put this on a bumper sticker, we'd make million$!"
-Pastor Douchebag
Such R-tistry! What persuasive R-gumentation!
There’s no use R-guing about it: R-mageddon is coming.
R-eagun, also
Is it "Talk Like A Pirate Day" again? Man, time flies.
The folks in Leakey get a little freaky if you wear a dashiki.
Yes. The nearest black person to Leakey is three counties over.
Or the same distance away as the nearest sports team…
The Helleniki in Leakey must be sneaky with their tzatziki.
Is that from Wiki Leakey?
Maybe there are lots of olds in that church? Bones might sound a bit creaky, and they can't recall the name of those torches…oh, tiki!
Rev Miller should lay off the Miller high life before changing the sign….
The back of the sign says "Do not piss on this sign," and I'll ignore that sign of God, too.
Rev. Ray must have forgotten all about the "easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" stuff.
"That only applies to others." – Ray
He's also forgotten the parable of the Good Samaritan
Churches are knob-creators.
And nabob creators, but never kabobs.
kabobs are muslin anyway
I'll believe that church sign when it predicts the winner of game 7.
I consulted a Cardinal who said, "Go, St. Louis". As a red-state expat, I still love my red BIRDS…go Cards!
Apart from its palpably xenophobic message, it's hard to know which particularly makes this sign so full of Win for the average Tea-bitten critter: the crummy alliterative repetition or the sexy ALLCAPS effect.
I'm disappointed all the words are spelled correctly. That would hit the teabagger trifecta.
It's such a pity those plastic sign letters aren't available in Comic Sans.
I'm sure a sign on a black church saying "Vote for the Christian, not the Polygamist" would be just as acceptable in it's community.
Of course the majority of asshats who saw it would PROBABLY say "oh, I knew Obama was a Muslim, but I didn't know he was a polygamist".
It gave me a sad to see how the churches in California convinced people that gay marriage was not a civil right but an abomination and told their people that voting in favor of it was wrong. There were many 8-10 year old kids with anti-gay propaganda signs on corners all over my neighborhood. Churches = lobbyists = Pay taxes!
That sucks. That's why we became Presbyterians….
I will be shocked, SHOCKED I tell you when the IRS does absolutely nothing about these churches flouting their tax exempt status, emboldening them to do even worse next time around…
Maybe in O's second term, the IRS'll have a "Come to Jesus" moment with 'em.
Hey Rat (since that's what I thought it said his name was on the marquee) Miller — guess who hasn't evolved opposable thumbs and is gonna start paying some taxes — you, motherfucker!
Wait, there are both a Muslim and a communist running for President? Who are they, I've somehow managed to never hear of them? And which capitalist should we vote for, since (including the Libertarian dude) there are at least three of them?
Yeah, I'd be down to hear more about this mysterious communist candidate.
It's very interesting for me to hear at family gatherings (where I, my little bro, and a cousin or two are the token libruls) that I am a communist. This in spite of them all knowing full well that I'm working on my MBA at the moment.
Maybe they're referring to the Green Party candidate? Someone should tell them that, while she is a socialist, that's not the same thing as a communist.
The Communist Party USA hasn't run a Presidential candidate since 1984, so maybe they stepped into a time warp?
Whoa I got a Your comment must be approved by the administrator, wonder what the offending phrase was.
Social-ism?
Gary Johnson converted.
Not to mention that the Christian dude is black.
I'm so confused.
I think it's Yassir Arafat
Rosanne Barr is the presidential candidate of the Peace and Freedom Party. Does that count?
If they hate "communism" that much, why won't they give up that coveted Tax Exempt status?
What did you just say, commie?
Tax exemptions are Christians' God-given right.
Well, I'm thinking that their tax exemption is actually tax from my pocket. So, no, their god didn't give 'em that right, I did.
Now now, let's not be hasty!
Then Jesus said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's"
Is your name Caesar?
I didn't think so.
If Obama wins, perhaps this anger could be channeled into something useful like a Texas secession movement.
Or suicide, that would help, too
Texas looks more like Mexico than America. Actually Oklahoma does too.
The Scriptures tell us that Samson slew 1,000 Philistines with the jaw-bone of an ass. Looks like the same weapon is being used to smite this church's credibility.
I think a bolt of lightning out of a clear blue sky in Leaky would be freakin hilarious.
Wasn't that an X Files episode?
Happens all the time in Texas, no one notices.
I think this time they used the ass bone of an ass, the one heard braying at the pulpit weekly.
Doesn't look very much like it's the jawbone of an ass, looks more like the whole ass.
Hey, my parents live about 8 miles south of Leakey! I'm gonna forward this one to dad, post haste. He hates everyone out there!!!
Suggest your Dad go up there and pee on the sign. I'll contribute to his bail money.
The myth of peeing on an electric fence and getting a severe shock was tested by Mythbusters as Plausible. Suggest careful aiming so that no exposed circuitry is hit. Necessary lady parts do not have especially good handles to control the flow.
Good point. He should take a dump on the sign instead.
Jesus wept. Right after he cussed these motherfuckers all the way out.
"Yo, money changers, you got change for a 10,000 aureus?"
– Jesus H Christ
Meh. I want somebody to log Christianist radio's constant references to Jeebus hating on the Black Muslin president and loving tax cuts. I estimate that's about 8 per hour times 13,000 Christianist radio stations. I have not even thought about the thousands of Christianist Tee-Vee channels which intersperse their commercials for special healing holy soap and sacred hemorrhoid cream with "Jeebus hates the Black President" stories. Oh, and which are tax exempt, also.
How much longer can the Constitution hold up when it's constantly being used as a toilet tissue?
Maybe it's extra absorbency comes from it's being made out of hemp fiber?
Legalize it!
Edit: the Constitution, I mean.
Well that certainly beats the one in my town that reads 'VOTE FOR THE AMERICAN' (and this is in upstate NY). I take it as an Obama endorsement, since everyone knows Romoney is a half-blud messican.
You have to feel bad for the plumber in Leakey!
Oh FFS! I am getting on a plane in three hours to go to San Antonio, Texass on vacation there and other places in the belly of the Red Beast. I hope to gawd this isn't a huge mistake and that I don't end up in a bar room brawl with some fumducks over politics.
My husband assures me it's a lovely place to visit and that the people are very nice. I hope he's right; at least it's 50 degrees warmer than where I am. Wish me luck. I miss you all already.
Stay drunk and don't talk to anyone wearing a hat; you'll be fine.
I used to go to a really good plate lunch restaurant right by the Riverwalk. Shiloh's, but not spelled that way. Shileogh's? Funky spelling, great food.
San Antonio is a lovely city. You'll have a great time.
Schilo's.
As a local San Antonian, I would assure you that you will be safe if you stay in the Green Zone (Riverwalk area). If you get away from there, there's still nice stuff north on 281 on past the airport. Just stay out of bars where the newest cars in the parking lot were built in the 20th century and you should be ok.
Thanks so much for that Baldar. I feel better already.
You'll be okay. San Antonio is where those nice Castro boys are from.
Fidel and Raul FTW!
Wow! The billboard could go on forever –
"Back the Hack, not the Smack!"
"Vote for jobs, not for slobs."
Muslim or Mormon? Well, I must say that I have never had any Muslims banging on my door trying to sell me their particular brand of mythology.
What amazes me most about this kind of nonsense is that, a year ago, these same folks were heartily condemning Mormanism as a Satanic cult.
See, these people *CAN* be open-minded and tolerant, if properly motivated by hatred, bigotry, racism, etc.
Leakey, the county seat of Real County (for real) and the home of the Leakey Eagles. (I imagine THAT gets a little messy.) Population less than 400.
That must be some God-forsaken wasteland there. Which you can tell by the church sign, also, too.
Actually, it's quite beautiful out there in the Hill Country (google image search "Frio Canyon"). The Frio River is great for tubing, and there's an awesome state park (Garner). As stated elsewhere here, it's the fucking locals that fuck it all up.
I did and it is!
Schlitterbahn country? I've been there.
….this isn’t the first bold statement to be displayed.
Others include:
Today, Tomorrow, and Forever
They could try something really radical and out of the ordinary like, I dunno, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself"…
Crazy talk!!
Yeah, his "I HATE NI**ERS" sign didn't go over very well
Why do I get the impression that the choir in this church wears white robes?
With special hoodies?
With matching pointy hats?
And reeeeaaaallllly big cross shaped candles.
"Lo, though I walk through the Valley of Derp, I will fear no Derp; for I am the Derpiest Motherfucker in the Valley". – The Gospel according to fuckwads.
Nicely done. I salute you, and not with no bronx cheer neither.
Many thanks!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
This is my jerky, which was given to you for the remission of sin. and this is my Mountain Dew, gnaw, slurp.
What a beautiful sacrament. Don't forget the part where everyone spits tobacco juice on a late 18th century blackface ceramic figurine and scowls
I'm with Blake Fischer here on the need for a non-specific separation of the church. I just want it separate from me in general.
I thought Texas churches did their fall schedules around the Cowboys game times?
The Jolly Green Giant's church sucks. I bet Sprout is home schooled.
Leaky is located in a barren region of dumbfuckistan. rents are reasonable.
"… town in Leakey — about 90 miles northwest of San Antonio."
Who knew that Hell's own arsehole was only 90 miles from San Antonio. I'd have guessed it to be somewhere between San Angelo and Fort Stockton.
Hell's asshole is Houston, and the surrounding suburbs are where Satan forgot to wipe. What you're looking at there is Hell's taint. If you keep going west, it takes 12 hours to drive across Hell's Balls.
My father and I have dubbed the Frio Canyon "Appalachia Southwest." Like so many beautiful places in the world, it is totally wasted on the disgusting natives.
You know I have read the Bible, and I am pretty sure these guys have never read any of the Gospels. Because Jesus was a liberal Jew, who didn't charge for healings and handed out free food and unlike Mormons drank wine. Hey never let the facts get in the way of the Bullshit you are selling to people to get them to vote against their own interests.
You obviously didn't read the golden tablets, son.
"I make a record in the language of my father … the language of the Egyptians."
"Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned." (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 3, p. 266). Also, "The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy." (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 11, page 269).
But do I have to marry them?
Uh, on the polygamy thing. Any way for a guy to have a "test drive?"
Shit, I have enough trouble trying to live with one wife. Another one telling me what I did wrong would be way too redundant for me.
When did Christianity become a hate group, it didn’t seem to be one when I was totally unmolested altar boy.
I believe it was sometime around 1252 when Pope Innocent IV (snort!) officially sanctioned the use of torture during the Inquisition.
Actually it was in 1096, when Pope Urban II told Christians to go to the Land of Israel to murder Muslims, and any Jews they found on the way.
Right after Jesus said to Peter "Upon this rock I shall build my church." And Peter picked it up and threw it at a whore. True story.
Actually Peter did not build that church by himself. Really.
My taint is near the Leakey Church in the Valley.
Louis Leakey's first ancient valley.
The IRS audits are also bigger in Texas?
I don't see no error in their logic.
Pastor Ray misspelled MORAN.
Moneychangers are people, my friend!
And the snark shall inherit the earth.
Ah, so this is actually the Temples of Syrinx?
The fundies once again reject Copernicus — the world revolves around them.
Sweet Jeebus, please come back now and take away these morons who abuse religion.
Who knew that someone in Leakey, Texas had one of those newfangled spelling-checker contraptions?
That Ninth Commandment about "bearing false witness" doesn't apply to them, either, apparently, 'cause they're a church and therefore exempt.
Their version of the Commandments reads like the tax code, so full of amendments, exemptions and conditioning provisos that it makes absolutely no sense.
The pastor said he feels strongly about the upcoming presidential election and feels the message on the marquee speaks for itself.
Why yes, yes it does. It says "the pastor here is not only gleefully bigoted, he is a dumbfuck who will straight up lie about the Pres so that he feels even better about his racism and ignorance, and he does it through alliteration, because he thinks he sounds clever."
chascates. Chairman Meow. Aren't you pretty close to Leaky?
Hey, even Eisenhower was a communist. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Birch_Society#E…
"Now Eisenhower, he’s a Russian spy
Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy
To my knowledge there’s just one man
That’s really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell
I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus"
[snark off] They really should remove ALL tax exempt status for all religions, period. Then they can say whatever they darn well please and help to support the community as well (whether they want to or not). [snark on]
It would be a shame if someone doesn't contact the Mormon Church to let them know that there's a church in Texas eagerly awaiting an army of Mormon missionaries to come down and help them get rid of their fake Christianity.
I think "In the Valley" is code for "Up Its Own Ass."
I wonder how they feel living in a town named the same as the the famous Leakey whose life was dedicated to:
“increasing scientific knowledge, education, and public understanding of human origins, evolution, behavior, and survival.”
- Mission Statement of The Leakey Foundation
And they accomplish that mission by finding the bones Satan buried to mislead the faithful!
Satan is such a prankster.
I've had it with Texas; time to secede. Remember their old tourism ad in the 1970's? "Texas – it's a whole 'nother country!"
Taliban in cowboy hats. Sharia Law = Goober Law. It's easy to redo our flag, 49 stars, 7 rows of 7, it even sounds lucky. The perfect rows add a military flair that underlines our resolve to build the Great Wall now so Texas can be our second line of border defense (think of it like an " alligator moat") on the other side of the wall. Call it Texico if you like.
PS: No dual citizenship, suckers!
I like Muslim Commies. All the hummus you can eat with none of that Allah stuff.
That's how they get you. Next thing you know, you're shredding the constitution, what with your Obamacare and all…
Some people say that under Obamacare your Catholic employer will be required to pay for Muslin hummus. Read the bill!
Luckily for me, my employer has set me up with a budget where I spend all of the money I am paid on approved programs. We go to a witch doctor when we get sick, I have the big dollar Direct TV subscription where I get to watch the special evangelical telethons, and I donate $200 a week to Gary Johnton's campaign. Because I love freedom, that's why.
1) Black Episcopalian
– or –
2) White cult member
The answer is obvious.
Ew. Black?!
If Nacogdoches is full of roaches, then Leakey is, well, just another south Texas shithole.
"If Nacogdoches is full of roaches"
This line originated with Groucho Marx; the fact that you're quoting it here means Marxist=commie=you.
So when does the wee little church's tax-exempt status get taken away?
Er, don't hold your breath on that.
When Texas does something like this I tend to file it under who-gives-a-shit?
needs moar nooses hanging from the trees, for jeebus and votes for Mittens
What some people won't do to get a mention on Fox News!
Mention, or guest appearance?
Hate to spoil all y'all's clever rhymes, but it's pronounced "LAKE-ee."
So it sounds like "Mitt's FAKE-ee Draft Dodger tour of France?"
If you think the churches are bad out there, you should see the paper! Their syndicated columnist? John Stossel.
http://www.theleakeystaronline.com/news/
This can NOT be legal.
They'd have to be.
Meh, the IRS jack-booted thugs are too busy with the Obamacare takeover of health care, no time for small potatoes like this guy.
This is hysterical.
https://plus.google.com/109091567672373652586/abo…
Yeah I contributed to this mess. And plagarized from this site when doing so. Am I sorry? No I am not.
Lemme guess. People in the town of Leakey don't bother their beautiful minds too much with archeological findings either.
That's one of those signs where the letters can be rearranged, right?
Hmmmm. Usually the Churches we burn down here are the ones Negros attend.
In Texas, Negroes pretty much stopped their westward migration when they reached the east side of San Antonio, and their place as majority minority has been taken over completely by Mexicans by the time you get to the westside.
You mean a self-identified Christian in Texas is ill-informed or flat-out dishonest? Shocking!
I've always felt it strange that we allow churches tax-exempt status, but do they give their parishioners the same deal? No, they do not–you're still on the hook for your tithe.
No, part of being 501(c)3 is that those tithes and donations are tax-deductible for the parishioners. If they were 501(c)4, they'd still be tax-exempt (and legally able to make political speeches), but donations would not be tax deductible. Naturally, people are far more reluctant to 501(c)4 organizations.
I was likening tithing to payroll taxes, rather poorly…
wasn't there a Leakey fella who discovered the missing link that proved human evolution? Do these people realize they live in a valley named after him?
The return of the greatest line of dialogue since "Rosebud":
"The power of christ compels you!".
Of course that was "The exorcist", and he was speaking to the devil, not the weather vane that's at the top of the Republican ticket.
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, just follow Robmee's thought train as it derails. http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
Keeryst on a cracker, when are these fuckers going to be raptured already?
I'd like to think that the IRS will be all over them like flies on shit.
They have a special version of the Bible in Leakey, TX where instead of kicking over the table of the Capitalistic money changers, Jesus instead enjoyed lobster, caviar, steak and a lovely $300 shekal bottle of wine, compliments of the Moneychangers all the while having to listen to their whining about the Poor Losers who can't afford such luxuries.
WORK IT CAPITALISTIC JESUS
Vote like you Own it!!! Fire them all — the Board knows its Own!!! It's our very Way of Wii that's at stake!!!
But I digress.
He probably should have just posted "Vote for the White Guy, not the Black Guy" because I'm sure some of his flockers are still going to get it wrong.
-Church of the Uncanny Valley
Cock-a-Leakey Ray is in the soup!
Is the IRS asleep at the switch? How come these dolts still have their church tax exempt status?
"Zee blaeks are not Velcome either"..Zhis is a white church..
On a semi-serious note, I hope these stupid cracker churches keep doing shit like this. Then maybe, just maybe, we can have a long-overdue conversation about why these snake-oil salesmen have gotten a tax exemption for all these centuries…
Maybe they could use it for a write-off ;)Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
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