heaven heaven is a place

Bob Dole A Total Communist Now, Apparently

commiesHere is a nice remembrance of George McGovern from his friend, Bob Dole. (“BOB DOLE!”) It is one of those pieces where old men talk about how things were so much better in their day, when after a long work sesh, Tip O’Neill and Ronald Reagan would get together, drink some Cosmos, and go bum-hunting. That’s all well and good. Those hoboes aren’t going to chase down and murder themselves! But buried in Dole’s opinion-editorial whatsit is some disturbing news for Republicans: not only did Bob Dole (“BOB DOLE!”) not try to murder the last living liberal, George McGovern, when he had the chance, but there used to be Republicans who tried to expand food stamps and school lunch. How will today’s GOP go on, knowing that it is descended from Kenyan anticolonial socialist Ho Chi Minhs?

Blah blah blah, we both killed some Jerrys, yadda yadda yadda “BOB DOLE!” We would both come to understand that our most important commonality — the one that would unite us during and after our service on Capitol Hill — was our shared desire to eliminate hunger in this country and around the world. As colleagues in the 1970s on the Senate Hunger and Human Needs Committee, we worked together to reform the Food Stamp Program, expand the domestic school lunch program and establish the Special Supplemental Program for Women, Infants, and Children.

Beg pardon? Did Bob Dole (“BOB DOLE!”) just say he helped establish WIC? And that like Bill Clinton was the first black president, Bob Dole would have been the first Food Stamp President? Oh, GOPpies, it gets worse.

More than a quarter-century later, with political ambitions long behind us, we joined together again. Soon after President Bill Clinton named George ambassador to the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization in 1998, he called to ask for my help in strengthening global school feeding, nutrition and education programs. We jointly proposed a program to provide poor children with meals at schools in countries throughout Africa, Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe. In 2000, President Clinton authorized a two-year pilot program based on our proposal, and in 2002, Congress passed and President George W. Bush signed into law the McGovern-Dole International Food for Education and Child Nutrition Program. Since its inception, the program has provided meals to 22 million children in 41 countries.

That’s right you guys. Bob Dole (“BOB DOLE!”) helped export the red tide of Communism.



About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. SystemError

      Depending on your memory of pop culture from the 90's, both Bob Dole and Dan Hedaya will yell at you for sitting in his chair.

  1. CivicHoliday

    Compassion is a liability in today's conservative party. If you aren't sending underpaid factory workers and welfare mothers to the Iron Maiden you are a RINO

          1. MosesInvests

            Umm, Nixon and the "Southern Strategy"(recruiting segregationists) might have had something to do with it.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Most political discussions I have with my kids start off with something like, "Now, there was time, not too long ago, when the Republican party was not completely evil…"

  2. no_gravity

    McGovern-Dole International Food for Education and Child Nutrition Program

    Bet they get to eat chickin nuggets and Red Bull.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    "We jointly proposed a program to provide poor children with meals at schools in countries throughout Africa, Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe."

    Well, that's okay. Just don't try none of that commie free lunch shit here in the good old USA!

    1. prommie

      Joe Fucking McCarthy would be a reasonable guy in this world. Its fucking insane, makes me want to just run away somewhere, this rampant craziness, I cannot take it anymore thats when I want to run away.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        You cannot run away, I need someone to pick me up at the airport. Settle down Francis, it's gonna be all right. Excruciating to deal with, but you know, just wait. Bitchin Camaro of Liberal Justice and whatnot.

        Also, rampant.

  4. prommie

    Bob Dole is no fucking communist, Richard Fucking Nixon is the world champion communist, Richard M. Fucking Nixon was communister than Marx and Lennon combined (ha, I said Lennon!), he was planned economier than Stalin, he must have caught the commie off that Kruschev fella when they were touring the kitchen of tomorrow. Fucking EPA and, and, and, wait for it, THE WAGE/PRICE FREEZE! Planned economy, gubmint intervention, invisible hand anathema!

    1. Lot_49

      Plus he went to China while they were transshipping surface-to-air missiles from Rooshia to North Vietnam where they could be used to shoot down Panamanian strongman Juan McCain.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Soon after Nixon went to China he got his biggest illegal campaign contributor Ray Kroc a very lucrative lead in to hundreds of McDonalds all over China. Chinese peasants hopped up on beef, high fructose corn-syrup and monosodium glutamate? Who thought out that disaster.

        1. Lot_49

          Ha ha, and Kroc's widow Joan was a total leftie, sold off the pathetic Padres, gave $200M to NPR, financed a hippie peace institute at the University of San Diego.

          1. James Michael Curley

            I essentially boycotted McDonalds for over twenty years over what I call the “Ray Kroc Minimum Wage” law which was passed under Nixon in early 1969 and removed a lot of people from Federal Minimum Wage Protection and by extension protection in many states. It also provided regulations which made it easier for employers to deny workers compensation in many states for many classes of employment. Some of those changes exist to this day. I really needed some kind of work when I got out of the Army and went to college. But even the fast food places wouldn’t hire me because I was over 21 and (in Pennsylvania) had to get the minimum wage). One guy in a Pittsburgh McDonalds even told me that was why he wouldn’t hire me. He even apologized because his assistant let me fill out the entire application without clueing me in.Of course, after I had a child in the 1980’s it would be considered child abuse not to let him go to McDonalds occasionally to get all that swag they hit the kids up every Saturday morning.

          2. James Michael Curley

            Try as we did, he learned about McDonalds, Disney and Power Rangers from that hot bed of hedonism the public play ground.

    2. reliefsinn

      And he had the idea that everyone should have access to health care, and he proposed to expand Medicare/Medicaid!
      That's where the commie idea of everyone being "entitled" to health care came from!
      Gosh, was he our greatest President?
      Peace in our time!

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    ♫ A Dole bob-nana
    is a great bob-nana
    and it's great
    because it's Dole
    Because it's Dole!! ♪

  6. Goonemeritus

    I will reluctantly be closing down my Blog site dedicated to demanding a recount for the 1972 election. Rest in peace Senator McGovern and thank you Senator Dole.

  7. JackDempsey1

    Our editrix has failed to notice that most of these Bob Dole accomplishments occurred after Bob Dole had discovered that Bob Dole had erectile dysfunction.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Dan Evans (R-WA) is still around. I bet he doesn't recognize his old GOP anymore, however. And not because of dementia or anything like that.

      He was a good guy, too, but at least we now have Maria Cantwell occupying his old seat.

  8. Joshua Norton

    there used to be Republicans who tried to expand food stamps and school lunch.

    It wouldn't fly with today's wingnuts since the new rightie is mostly an "OMG Paul Ryan is HAWT" closet-nailed-shut GOPer as well as being a “starving poor people gives me a BONERZ” sociopath…

    1. Esteev

      It's not the actual starving of poor people that cause the erection. It's the amount of money freed up to bomb Iran (and a country to be named later) that causes that rush of blood to the head.

  9. Gorillionaire

    When you've got Elizabeth waiting for you back home, you'll do about anything to stay at the office.

    1. Gorillionaire

      I imagine she's the kinda wife that starts yelling at you the second you walk in the door while never taking her eyes off of the Tivo.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    Bob and George were also paid medical volunteers during the tests that were conducted during Pfizer's development of Viagra.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Those "family values" Republicans just wanna have as many families as they can squeeze in; that's all.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    That was in the old days, before Republican faith-based economists discovered that hunger can be alleviated by tax cuts and military spending. It was like anaesthesia before the discovery of ether, where you just bit on a leather strap until you passed out. Or, as NakedBunny would put it, Thursday afternoon.

  12. bureaucrap

    Clearly the RNC is not sending out its daily "Messaging Memos" to its own retirees, in order to demonstrate how all retirees should be abandoned and discarded.

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.

    I think they are experimenting with some kind of automatic moderating software here. Never seen that one before.

    1. mille derps

      We had a bunch of those a few months back. Some folks were affected & others weren't. Rebecca did something magical (white-listed commenters? threatened some key ID personnel?) & things got better. I haven't seen that comment since then.

      1. mille derps

        So the laugh's on me. I went & edited another comment that had already appeared & then got the reply that my comment was in moderation. I hadn't seen that wording before…

    2. Biff

      That one got me a time or 3 last week, and I wasn't even being disrespectful to any of $arah's offspring.

    3. Mumbletypeg

      If you mean this earlier one of yours:

      Bob and George were also paid medical volunteers during the tests that were conducted during Pfizer's development of Viagra.

      well duh you can see perfectly well can't you that "Pfizer…Viagra" in the same sentence will reconstruct into their most recognizable anagram "TRIG SPASM"

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Dang, this is starting to get entirely too opaque and byzantine. And I work for the government!!

  14. StealthMuslin

    But how can today's political parties work together when a certain party insists on including blacks, gays and the non-penised?
    Think, people!

  15. mavenmaven

    The GOP is just longing for the days when they could pull of all their "dirty tricks" and get away with them (well, other than Watergate in that particular campaign).

    1. HistoriCat

      when they could pull of all their "dirty tricks" and get away with them

      (looks back at last story) seems like these are the good old days – seem a little over-hyped, if you ask me.

  16. ManchuCandidate

    Holy shit. A realist, not some petulant child who believes if they hold their breath long enough that the world will be only 6000 years old, evolution wasn't happening, that ladies can be selectively preggers and that tax cuts will save the ecnomize.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Oh, he was petulant enough when he was campaigning against Clinton in 1996. His biggest line was, alluding to the fall of the Warsaw Pact and the dissolution of the USSR, "When so many other countries are going our way, why does Bill Clinton want to go their way?" among other sly allusions that Bill was gonna turn us all into commies.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        "Bill was gonna turn us all into commies. "

        Bob Dole didn't realize that we Dems were secretly waiting for The Kenyan to take care of that .

  17. Weenus299

    Bob Dole is alive. Bob Dole. Bob Dole must be 97. Bob Dole. Can't wait for the Bob Dole movie, starring Powers Boothe as Bob Dole. Powers Boothe is going to love getting tapped to be Ford's running mate. Powers Boothe starred in Red Dawn, so Powers Boothe knows a little something about fighting communists, just like Bob Dole.

  18. Esteev

    "Something is wrong with America. I wonder sometimes what people are thinking about or if they're thinking at all." — Bob Dole

    On this, Bob Dole and I are in complete agreement.

    Bob Dole.

  19. mille derps

    Bob Dole just wants lots of people on the Dole. Seems reasonable- isn't that what the Viagra's for?

  20. HempDogbane

    30 years from now Steve King will memorialize Keith Ellison, talking about all the do-gooder stuff the former Congressional buddies did together after leaving office.

      1. James Michael Curley

        30 years from now Stephen King will memorialize Keith Ellison in a novel called "Muslim."

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Hey! Yay! You better now? Whooping coughed out, or over-vaccinatedly ill or what have you? I missed you.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I was lucky enough to be one of the small percentage of people who get sick from the vaccine. Ran a slight fever for two days, which would not have been a big deal but I was running around after a three year old. Aaaaand five days later my arm still hurts. Aaaaaaaaaaand I'm pretty sure I'm autistic now. But thanks!

  21. schvitzatura

    It was a moral imperative to get enough of the calories, vitamins, and minerals to develop enough brain growth and body mass, to raise enough cannon fodder capable of defending (and extending) the hegemony of Murica.

    Remember, this was during the era of "Murica, the bulwark" against its anti-thetical opposite, Red Communism, so it was Okey-Dokey to adopt the methods of the enemy to defeat the enemy. Hearts and minds thingee.

    To Bob Dole, this was a national defense program, no different than Eisenhower's Autobahn-clone program. Purely pragmatic and nothing about common decency, just the numbers.

    Feed 'em well and educate to the level to understand basic commands and authority. Slam a rifle in their hand and ship'em out! That's the way its done!

    1. Yellerdawg

      Autobahn clone, I think not. Do US interstates have places to pull your B-52 over to the side after landing it so you can stay out of the lanes of traffic? No, because they were built using commie government monies!

  22. Joshua Norton

    Bob Dole. (“BOB DOLE!”)

    Actually, the way he said it, always came out as "Bobdole".

    Hi, this is Bobdole saying I'm very glad to be here and I hope in November you will decide to vote for Bobdole.

    Remember, that's Bobdole.

    Has anyone seen my pencil?

  23. Oblios_Cap

    I've always believed that the Old Guard Democrats (read: Humphrey and the Unions) sold McGovern down the river to keep control of the party and set the stage for Reagan and, later, the Teatards.

    Just my 2¢…

    1. actor212

      I dunno. That would imply they had some hand in Watergate, since Muskie was the prohibitive leader up until the Canuck letter and the crying thing in New Hampshire.

      Granted, there was a pretty strong "Anybody But McGovern" movement in the party, but Humphrey could have run again in 1976, especially given he narrowly lost to Nixon in '68 in the popular vote and could easily have won after Watergate.

      In fact, I was pretty surprised he didn't, altho it's possible he knew he had cancer already.

  24. prommie

    History's greatest monster! He actually believed that a "government" is a legitimate thing capable of positive good! Burn him!

    1. James Michael Curley

      Hey, is that Ol' Barney – the Barnegat Lighthouse? For a while I was using the Great Beds Lighthouse as an avatar. That was when I was seriously considering making a bid for it. Surprised me by going for only $25,000.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          I wonder what the older lady who took said picture would think of said use. "It's on a WHAT kind of site? Where people talk about buttsex? I never!" I like it.

        2. James Michael Curley

          At least you’re getting around. I haven’t been on Long Beach Island in years, been bowling past it on the GSP many times.The last time we had a place on Long Beach Island the in-laws all came. Ms. Curley’s mother was taken up to the Barnegat light and almost all of us claimed it. Helen asked me (coming from Pittsburgh and never seeing a lighthouse up close) “Does every state have one?” I told her “I don’t think they have any in Wyoming.”

          1. prommie

            For whatever oddball reason, lighthouses were mentioned in all the confederate state's declarations of secession, they did for slavery and because the North was always taking their taxes and building "aids to navigation."

          2. James Michael Curley

            Had to. Can you imagine the severe disadvantage the Confederacy would have if the Union had militarized the lighthouses outside every southern harbor while the Confederates were trying to figure out whether they had a navy.

  25. PsycWench

    there used to be Republicans who tried to expand food stamps and school lunch.
    And then came Fox News.

          1. Mumbletypeg

            ; )
            Exactly: was just coming back to edit w/ a hyperlink ~

            Until Wookies pointed it out to me recently, I had never caught the double-entendre before, even though I've enjoyed that song for over 20 years..

  26. Lot_49

    Meh, these farm-state senators were all in favor of government programs that would cause the gummint to buy up a lot of corn and wheat and give it to the Poors. Primaried-out-by-wingnuts RINO Richard Lugar was just the same, a staunch opponent of Big Government except when Big Ag stood to profit from it.

    McGovern was the real thing, though, and a good guy.

  27. BaldarTFlagass

    Dole, huh? Isn't that what they call WELFARE over there on Knifecrime Island? Communist is right!

  28. ttommyunger

    Bob Dole was so cranky becuzz he, having only one working hand, could never get any strange….You just know his Harpy-Wife was NOT giving it up, don't you?

        1. James Michael Curley

          I recall that Dole's arm was injured when he was being pulled from the line of fire by a corpsman. Dole had, and admits, he was felled when a grenade he threw bounced off a tree and came back.

          I don't and never did diminish his service and sacrifice for that. But when I was doing some research during the Swiftboating of John Kerry I came across a statement by Dole that he was bitter and angry at the corpsman for years. He once stated that when the guy sought to contact him early in his congressional career he, Bob Dole, wrote a scathing and reviling reply which he said he much later regretted.

    1. Lot_49

      True story: when Liddy was head of the Red Cross, she happened to be on a plane I was on from Charlotte to DC. She had a young aide with her, and they were seated in the first row of first class (as was I, thanks to zillions of punishment miles on US Airways). As soon as Liddy was comfortably seated, the young aide got up and went back to coach with the other peons so Liddy could have a whole row to herself.

      Remember when she ran for president? Neither does anyone else.

      1. James Michael Curley

        I do, but then I was doing everything I could (which was very little) to stop Dubya and until Dole realized the Republican machine was never going to support a female candidate when Dubya wanted it, she had a fairly close poll position to Dubya. I think the period and the Republican National Committee activities are covered in "American Dynasty: Aristocracy, Fortune, and the Politics of Deceit in the House of Bush" by Kevin P. Phillips

  29. chascates

    Ah, back in the day before the anger virus consumed the Republican party. And when the Democrats had spines.

  30. OneYieldRegular

    So easy to romanticize the past, which won't come back, and to speak well of the dead, who can't talk back. I'd be a lot more impressed if Bob Dole would be the one Republican to take a public stand about the fascistic insanity that has taken over his party today, now, and whose leaders just sit there and let it happen.

  31. Lot_49

    If you ever wonder why there's a 100,000-acre Army installation in Junction City, 1500 miles away from either coast, with three or four brigades of infantry and zillions in new facility construction, just remember what they call it in Kansas: Fort Dole.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      That's the job of a midwestern senator or representative: bring home some of that money from Washington. It doesn't really matter what gets built or bought.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Dole probably extended its existence considerably after the earliest attempts to eliminate reduncdancy. But I was there in 1968 prepping to head to Vietnam stationed at Marshal Air Field across the Republic river..

      Ft. Riley goes back to the horse Calvary and, in fact, is the base from which Gen. Custer launched many of his raids and his "WTF invited all these Indians to my picnic."
      When its usefulness as a fortress type of fort was diminishing after WWII it was revived with the expansion of Marshall Field as a US Army Air Force base. It became in the early fifties the major site at which helicopters as combat weapons were developed.

      What use it serves these days I am not sure but I learned recently that the unit I went to Vietnam with, the 158th Aviation Battalion is now back there and serves as a jump off point for many tours into Iraq and Afghanistan. Took a look at the Google Map image and it has vastly increased in facility sized since 1975 the last time I went through Junction City.

  32. prommie

    I have always thought that the central mistake, error, misperception, myth, the underlying false premise of all of modern "movement" conservatism, is that its based on pining for an imagined past that never was. Its based on a mythologized "history" and desire to return to this imagined golden age that never fucking was ever, not even close, to how they think.

    This same dynamic is behind the spiraling extremism of the last 10 or even 20 years, since Clinton, anyway. These clowns today are trying to be as "conservative" as they only imagine that their very own conservative icons were. They have now mythologized conservatism itself into some kind of idol really, a 'fetish" in the sociological sense (dirty minded fuckers), and they are spiralling out of control because they have lost all touch with even their own supposed roots, their own anchor. Its horrifying to watch people believe and act on this "philosophy" that is based on just a fantasy, on myth, on raving idiotic misunderstandings of their very core beliefs. They're doing it wrong. The words they use, its always the case, do not mean what they think they mean.

    1. James Michael Curley

      The greatest irony is that today's radical conservative pines for a past and conservative idols from forty years ago whose main ideology was pointed to a past older still.

        1. James Michael Curley

          “… and the slithy tovesDid gyre and gimble in the wabe”Beware the Jabberwocy from Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass

  33. decentcitizen

    What would have happened in 1972 if the presidential race and politics had been on the up and up? For that matter, what would happen now if the presidential race and politics were on the up and up?

  34. 102415

    One of the few items my son took when his grandma died was her McGovern '72 T shirt. He's wearing it today under his suit I hope.

  35. thefrontpage

    Everyone should take a moment today to honor and remember George McGovern–literally, and realistically, one of the best politicians in the United States during the past half-century. His views were intelligent, grounded, based in common sense, based in caring and compassion, correct, successful–and connected to most sane, intelligent Americans' beliefs, values, sensabilities and views. George McGovern was a great war veteran, statesman, politician, humanitarian, leader and activist. Politicians and statesmen and activists working today would be wise to base much of their work on the successful and honorable career of George McGovern.

  36. Steverino247

    Bob Dole was incredible at constituent services. A soldier in my unit in Germany was denied re-enlistment and hastily discharged because he was overweight (our XO was a fitness freak with a Napoleonic complex and the CO was away on leave). They strung him along to the point where all he could take with him was his duffel bag. I had to inventory his stuff for shipment to his home of record. Within 48 hours he was in the Navy with the same rank and a six year contract which would take him to his retirement. I happened to be at HQ when the call from Dole's office came in and was much impressed with the awesome power of the senior Senator from Kansas.

    Oh, and it's Cavalry at Ft. Riley, KS, not Calvary. Calvary is a fictional location in a popular religious fantasy. Cavalry is an attitude, not a branch.

  37. oenspiek

    I voted for George McGovern in my first election. He was a fine man, a great American, the kind of man who makes the whole nation look a little better.

    Ave atque vale, Senator.

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