pretzel logic

This Is Not The Voter Fraud Virginia Republicans Are Looking For

Scary monstersGuys, guys, calm down now. You may have thought you finally found some voter fraud after all these years of searching far and wide and under every ACORN, but it is pretty clear to the Virginia attorney general, registrar and Board of Elections that you didn’t. To them, it is quite obvious that a guy working for the RNC conducting voter registrations, who was caught blocks from their office shadily throwing completed voter registration forms in someone else’s Dumpster, simply cannot be guilty of voter registration fraud, despite working for the company widely known to commit voter registration fraud for the RNC. How do they know this? Because nowhere on Virginia’s voter registration applications does it list party affiliation! Therefore, dude would have no way of knowing the forms he was throwing away belonged to Democrats. And there are so many other reasons he might have thrown away people’s applications! Investigation closed! Wait, really, the investigation’s closed? Sho nuff.

“There’s no way to tell by party when people fill out these forms, what party they’re affiliated with, so I don’t think there’s any political motivation,” Virginia Registrar Brandi Lilly said Friday.

Obviously, the folks being paid millions to do voter registration for the RNC in Virginia could not possibly have come up with any super sophisticated ways of knowing if they were registering Democrats or Republicans. Like for instance, they could definitely not use precinct data to determine if someone registering were statistically more likely to be a Democrat or a Republican. And they certainly would never use demographic data, like happening to notice if the person attempting to register was, say, BLACK BLACK BLACK OMG SO BLACK Y’ALL. And a third thing they would never do is happen to ask that voter while they were registering that voter if he or she happened to be Democrat or Republican. It is just logic!

So Brandi Lilly is obviously correct. There could have been no political motivation for throwing out those registration forms that one and only time (that Colin Small was caught). It must have been something else entirely to make that guy throw out those voter reg forms!

Like …

Like they said, case closed!

[WTVR, via Wonkville miner Terry]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. BerkeleyBear

      With votes. GOTV, y'all! Especially if you live somewhere you don't think it matters – Obama and the Dems need to win the popular vote, and the GOP is going to try and run up the score in the South to muddy the waters.

  1. no_gravity

    This is not the voter registration fraud you're looking for. This the the voter registration fraud hiding in plain site.

    1. LibertyLover

      Exactly so. The voter registration fraud you are looking for is only done by Democrats. It's ok if you are a Republican. Duh.

      1. PhilippePetain

        The great thing is they probably rationalize it by saying "Oh well, them balcks is already doin' it, yeeehaw!" and they probably actually believe it.

        These people are about as smart as pondscum.

    1. Terry

      Now the good people of Virginia need to call their State reps and the Board of Elections and demand an investigation.

    2. nonbeliever7

      I'm certain the fine, christian, law-abiding Repubs will immediately start boycotting the store that reported this crime. Cause that's the kind of petty vindictive assholes they really are…

  2. BadKitty904

    Snark Off: Does the GOP *genuinely* so hate and fear the American electoral process? Is there truly *no* corruption or crookedness these people will not stoop to in order to continue their rape of America?

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Yes. Yes they hate democracy, yes they loooove winning – however that has to happen. It's just what HAS to be. They must win this battle however they can. It's just what's right. Always. Right.

      1. thatsitfortheother1

        They must win this battle because they have never won anything else in life's lottery.

    2. HateMachine

      Well yes, of course they do. This is the logical endpoint of ideological extremism.

      If you really, truly believe that your policies will be shiny golden salvation for your country, and that your opponent's policies would bring ruin, what would you stop at to make sure you're the one in charge? Assassination probably wouldn't be off the table, so to get squeamish at a little systematic voter fraud would be letting your country down.

    3. tessiee

      As someone (sorry, don't remember who) commented in the last thread about this little cracker, it's crude, like Third World banana republic crude. We're about two months away from loudspeakers on poles broadcasting, "All hail our fairly and democratically elected Beloved Leader!", and no, I don't mean President Obama.

      1. Redgyal

        Well when that happens I hope the UN and other developed nations react the same way they do with third world countries….because if not, they would seem slightly biased.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          I'm just a prom night dumpster baby
          I got no mom or dad
          prom night dumpster baby
          my story isnt long but boy its awfully sad

          1. actor212

            As I posted at my blog today, the people who really need to be banned are the folks who made him the hero he was.

            He had a lot of help and it's the same people who are all "ooooh, look!" now.

          2. sudsmckenzie

            Me too, raced even, the best comment I've seen yet was "next thing you know he's gonna admit he has two balls". I have been trolling velo news ect… I am particularly amused that a "smoking gun" would have come from Sheryl Crow, his fiance he dumped when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

          3. thatsitfortheother1

            LOL. One of my siblings took second in the Colorado roads some years back. Said that even amateurs had about 50% on roids.

            Funny that so many on the team finally turned on him. Hamilton and Landis, no surprise, but Andreau?

          4. actor212

            Andreu was one of the first. In fact, he and his wife Betsy were (still are) basically persona non grata.

            You might recall Andreu was one of the first American commentators on the TdF when Outdoor Living Network starting broadcasting it live. As soon as he raised a stink about Armstrong, he was canned.

            ETA: Actually, it was Betsy who testified under oath that Lance had admitted doping in 2006. Andreu supported his wife's testimony and himself was caught on EPO.

          5. thatsitfortheother1

            I haven't lived in the states since 1990, so my info probably has a rather outdated date stamp on it…

          6. actor212

            Andreu has a long history of…shade…when it come to PEDs. For instance, he aligned with the Rock Racing team in 2007, whose owner said "If you don't win, you're off the team"

            It's no surprise that squad was hit with any number of suspensions…

          7. thatsitfortheother1

            Very cool. I'm nearly 60 and still ride, MTB more than road though. I've lived in SW Germany for the last 20 years and the trail access and road courtesy is really amazing. I got started living in Boulder, back in the days of the Red Zinger Classic.

    1. LibertyLover

      The administrator has been commented on by those thrown away and/or discarded souls that read this blog.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      BMW, MBA
      Vote Republican election day.
      I'm white, I'm white
      And when I walk my buttocks are extremely tight.

      Edit, thanks SNL.

  3. Cicada

    Apparently voter registration fraud is okey dokey if you're a "Real American."

    God Bless the baby Jeebus, the confederate flag and semi-automatic hunting rifles.

  4. Goonemeritus

    Evil looking little toad, but these workers are generally paid by the registration so why would he be throwing out some of his pay. I have a hard time believing he wasn’t instructed how to profile people and told to do what he did.

  5. magic_titty

    "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those pesk– oh wait; I did get away with it."

  6. FakaktaSouth

    Really, this is just a big old compliment to the power of the Democrats. This skinhead-wannabe here actually literally defrauding and denying people the ability to vote, he's powerless compared to those two New Black Panther dudes standing on the side of the road yelling – I mean, it's just so obvious who the REAL scourge on all that is voting is, no?

    1. BadKitty904

      I'm sure those DSLs have seen plenty of use. Here in the South, at least, the old joke is as true as true can be:

      "What's the difference between a straight guy and a gay guy?"

      "About 4 beers."

    1. Terry

      100% chance. Probably personally selected for the job by either Virginia's illustrious governor or attorney general.

  7. johnnyzhivago

    Given what a good person this Romney guy is and what a lovely family he has, I'd say let's just be done with this whole "voting" experiment and just make him our king. Ann would make a fine queen and she has has horse experience, which I believe you have to have to be a monarch.

    1. Lot_49

      If it would make the election be over sooner, it'd be worth considering.

      Do the Romney's have any Corgis? Those are important to royalty as well. We already know they own an obscene amount of real estate for their personal use.

          1. DemmeFatale

            My fave, too.

            Heard at the dog-park:
            A great Halloween costume idea (for your dog), is to put a "cone of shame" on the dog along with three giant olives on a toothpick, and call it a "muttini."

  8. delaney_blom

    Like . . .
    He used them to wipe some boogers while he was travelling between voter registration drives (come on, we've all been there).

  9. mille derps

    I would be extremely hesitant to hand a voter registration form to someone who looked like that guy.

    1. tessiee

      About 90% of the South is full of fucked up Mike Judge drawings come to life, only wthout Mike Judge's wit and humor.

  10. johnnyzhivago

    No snark, I am not in a funny mood today, because I fear that tonight "O" is going to come across as the smart, reasonable guy, which is just not popular. Mittens will sound like the bellicose table thumper who's going to rebuild our dreadnaught fleet and get the Air Force back up to parity with China with a crash program to build more Sopwith Camels. And also start doing some bombing, not with panty weight drones, but with bombers.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      Buck up, Mitt's overdue for a major Bain fart.

      O needs a chart for tonight:

      Mitt's foreign policy expertise —————> <—————

      1. thatsitfortheother1

        I beat people over the head with that constantly. If they are real snotty, I remind them that as CINC, O has commanded combat forces (unlike them).

    2. HogeyeGrex

      As long as they replay the hits from Romney's "Piss Off As Many World Leaders As Possible" tour, everything should be fine.

    3. tessiee

      "Mittens will sound like the bellicose table thumper"

      Haw, I read that as "bellicose Bible thumper", althought that, too, I guess.
      I think Mitt's about one broken shoelace away from a major meltdown a la the "Saturday Night Live" sketch, and I hope he has it on camera.

  11. freedomjackson

    Yeah but the kathryn Harris's of the world are still at large. What difference does it matter if you vote or not if people like she can still throw out your vote?

    1. tessiee

      "the kathryn Harris's of the world"

      Now *there's* a name I haven't thought of in years!
      "That bitch. She looks divorced." — somebody or other

  12. RomneysLogCabin

    Let's play, 'Guess that Affiliation', where you, the audience, guesses which way a registrant will vote!

    Here we go:

    Rashon Robinson
    Latonya White
    Abdul Adi Asad Muhannad
    Leeroy Jenkins

    30 seconds…

    1. Not_So_Much

      Only the wannabes buy a mechanical shredder. The lords of the party can afford to pay some pantload like this guy minimum wage to make him eat documents they don't want discovered.

  13. thatsitfortheother1

    They are the puppet masters, but without their millions of puppets, I think we could muster 401 votes in November.

    That's what bothers me: the ignorant yet willing handmaidens for those 400 gits. I expect the gits to be gits.

    1. actor212

      Fear. Fear is the mindkiller. We have to change the culture of fear. It's going to be hard work, but it will happen one day and sooner rather than later.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Well, yes, imagined fear is often trumped by actual starvation, misery and finding your ownself completely fucked. Luckily (luckily?) we are at the point where these terrible policies are sorta screwing enough stuff up for folks that they have to look at self-interest and their 'actual' misery instead of their perceived fear of what does not exist.

        1. actor212

          Here's the thing: when people in the 40s and 50s were dying in the streets and on the roads of Appalachia of starvation (that's right, during and after WWII, people starved in America) that's what it took to get America to recognize there was an issue of poverty.

          But people fall into poverty and hunger now one at a time, and so it's viewed as a social problem: this person doesn't work hard enough to feed his/her family.

          I'm hoping it doesn't get to the point it did under Roosevelt, Truman and Eisenhower for things to change.

          1. BoroPrimorac

            Hopefully, the cunts who want to see the safety net gutted will opt out of Social Security and Medicare when the opportunity arises. If this privatization happens in the next decade, I give it about twenty five years before the greedy forty and fifty somethings, who thought they could manage their money better, are out dumpster diving.

          2. tessiee

            "OW! I cut my tongue really bad licking the inside of this empty can! Oh, well, at least the queers can't get married."

      2. thatsitfortheother1

        I like the sentiment, although I had it for real when George McGovern ran. This sh1t has taken a lot longer than I thought it would.

  14. mrblifil

    This is par for the course among the Grand Old Tea Partiers.
    Rule 1) Run out the clock;
    Rule 2) Kick it up to the Feds, to buy time (see Rule 1);
    Rule 3) Complain of political witch hunt conducted by the President who controls the Justice Department;
    Rule 4) ???;
    Rule 5) Profit!

  15. Not_So_Much

    Goldurned Acorn — making this creepy-eyed dude look like a GOP frame job when he's probably just an innocent, god-fearing pimp.

  16. prommie

    Sounds like the Virginia election officials are exactly as fair, impartial, and unbiased as the Florida Secretary of State was in 2000.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Where IS Katherine Harris now? Did she write a book? Did she get shipped off to Elba so as not to ever accidentally talk about what she did? Did she suffocate under all that Mary Kay like the chick painted gold on James Bond? Is she subverting a Texas school board somewhere? Where the hell is she?

      1. prommie

        You know that part of the U of F stadium is actually named after her father, such a giant booster was he? I hang my head in shame.

    2. BadKitty904

      Truly. The Rethugs have stolen one presidential election and will not hesitate to steal another, if they think they can get away with it again.

  17. 1stNewtontheMoon

    someone check him for a backwards "B" carved into his face by the black Barack Obama supporters who forced him to throw away all those voter registration forms (and carved his face with backwards "B" because it was definitely not him using a mirror).

  18. RomneysLogCabin

    Why don't Liberals play the same game? I'm ready to see one of two outcomes for the virus that has become GOP: (i) give up and let me them have it for a few years until America wakes up, or (ii) play their dirty game in way's they can't imagine (e.g., something parallel to a GOP human centipede).

      1. RomneysLogCabin

        I suppose you're right, but it doesn't stop me from hoping that Mitt's aging body exports a clot to his brain at tonight's debate.

  19. poorgradstudent

    Well this certainly goes a long way toward explaining that "So now you're living in a banana republic" pamphlet I got in the mail last week.

  20. FakaktaSouth

    I like how this is one time when I could say I'd like to beat the fuck out of this guy next to a dumpster with votes and it would be literally applicable.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    Now just calm down a second — see, voter fraud is only real if it's imaginary. Therefore, Democrats, Planned Parenthood, ACORN and the SEIU are all guilty of voter fraud. Real actual observed voter fraud, on the other hand, is simply not voter fraud — so this guy, Kitty Harris, Rick Scott and the Supreme Court are never guilty of it. Now just go back to sleep — nothing interesting going on here until about November 7th.

  22. mrblifil

    From The News Virginian:

    Working to ensure voters are registered is keeping those local registrar’s offices hopping right now.

    “We are flooded,” Augusta County voter Registrar Brandi Lilly said. “We’re processing applications as quickly as our fingers can type. We’re swamped.”

    The article is filled with registrars politely bitching about how tough it is to enable folks to vote. So you can see how she's not real worked up about dumpsters full of paperwork that never make it to her desk.

    1. Mojopo

      Is anyone else imagining a lady in a pantsuit with a small styrofoam plate of ham biscuits on her desk, absolutely pissed because she's running five minutes late for her monthly dye job?

      1. mrblifil

        No see upthread she's actually kind of a hottie. I'm thinking ex-cheerleader wife of former athlete/current GOP "small businessman" party-affiliated muckety muck. And the poster child for white entitlement.

  23. mavenmaven

    No way to tell which party they are affiliated with, except for the little box that says Republican or Democratic.
    And any name that sounds off-white.
    And the area the forms come from.
    Other than that, there's no way he could know which way they will vote.

  24. CommieDad

    It really doesn't matter why he threw the registrations away, unless the reason is, "I changed the address of all my Democrat [sic] friends. I felt guilty and threw them away."

    In my state, we do all this shit online.*

    * Washington State's online registration is, sadly, not very secure. So my entire argument is a red hearing.

  25. Mojopo

    The investigation is closed and now what? So it's OK with the registrar that he 86'ed a shit ton of forms? He walks?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      He got a midnight call from Karl Rove, and (after putting on clean underwear) he decided it would be wise to shut up and plead guilty. No investigation needed, see?

  26. decentcitizen

    You don't have a case of voter fraud unless we say it's a case of voter fraud. When we say it's voter fraud, it's voter fraud (unless it isn't then it's still voter fraud).

  27. tessiee

    Democrats voting = voter fraud.
    Actual voter fraud commiteed by Reep = move along, nothing to see here.

  28. PhilippePetain

    Well, the ones that vote for the corporate overlords tend to be pathetic non-winners and frustrated, but dumb, working class white males. At least in my experience.

    Edit – I guess I could have finished reading the thread.


  29. luke_warm

    Does it matter if there were political motivations? Isn't it illegal to throw out voter registration forms, period?

  30. 69WideStance

    Attorney General Cuccinelli claims that his hands are tied, and that he cannot begin an investigation without instructions from the Virginia Board of Elections. In case you’re interested, here are the email addresses of two of the three members of the Board of elections: charles.judd, and don.palmer

  31. HelmutNewton

    Silly Wonkette! You can only call it "voter fraud" when it involves non-existent, dead Black Panther types who vote Democrat.

    When you disenfranchise college-age, poor, elderly and minority voters and throw up multiple obstacles for them to vote, that's just "protecting the integrity of the election".

Comments are closed.