CHALK IS NOT A CRIME  12:21 pm October 19, 2012

College Newspaper Editorial Simply Does Not Care For Your Unseemly Obama Graffiti Of Chalk

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Child's playVerily, Iowa State ruffians, you may think your vulgar chalk drawings on the pavements of Iowa State entreating and commanding your fellow knowledge seekers in the life of the mind to vote for one Barack Obama are a call to action for ‘civic duty,’ but ur totes bumming out your college newspaper editorial board, man!

The clouds that bore down on Iowa State on Wednesday have a silver lining. Although many of us may very well have murmured to ourselves, “Rain rain go away / Come again another day,” the drops of water that fell from the sky in an on-again, off-again kind of way have one great virtue.

They had the effect of erasing some of the chalk that directed — nay, commanded — us to vote for President Barack Obama, and to do so by taking advantage of the early voting at the Memorial Union.

Those phrases, you may have noticed, were everywhere. And it was an egregious abuse of the privilege students have to decorate our sidewalks with public service announcements about upcoming events and support the clubs in which they hold membership. There is more to student life than the Obama campaign, yet the Obama for America crew has almost monopolized the sidewalks.

NAY, not MONOPOLIZING THE SIDEWALKS! We shake our fists to the heavens! How, G_d, how could you have let this injustice stand, with the scalawags, abusing the privilege of chalk! But do, by all means, fine fellow or fellowette, please, please, do go on and on and on!

As important as it is to vote and perform our civic duty, this is not how it is done. Campaigns should not bludgeon potential voters with their presence. There ought to be some moderation, lest politics — as we have seen in this case — be everywhere. Unfortunately, however, not even the steps of one of our most noted campus landmarks, Curtis Hall, could escape defacement with directives to vote for Obama at the Memorial Union.
Is nothing sacred anymore?

Fuck, dude, they got Curtis Hall! THIS. WILL. NOT. STAND.

A thriving political world, even if it consists solely of hollow slogans and commands rather than arguments, requires a thriving private world into which politics does not intrude. Any noun — be it a person, place or thing — requires other nouns to be distinct. The public world in which the actions of politics take place requires a private world, a refuge, from political action to keep from becoming an amorphous blob.

A noun is a person or a place or thing and it needs a noun of opposition to be a noun. Verily, what is man without woman? What is heaven without hell? Should a man’s reach exceed his grasp? Did someone take a class in semiotics, or was it in shitty analogies? STFU, undergrad. We happen to have Umberto Eco right here, and he says you know nothing of his work!

Blah blah blah there is some more (mostly about how chalk is just a step above graffiti in terms of “taste”) which we will skip because we are bored. BUT KNOW THIS!

Showing off celebrities such as actor Justin Long and rock star Bruce Springsteen aren’t much better, but we can wait to comment on that until tomorrow.

Fuckin’ can’t wait, dude. Clicking RIGHT. NOW.

[IowaStateDaily, via Wonket operative "thoughtsicles"]

 

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{ 178 comments }

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

“Rain rain go away / Come again another day,”

In college, who knows that much less cops to knowing that rhyme any longer?

Dude, do more drugs, mmmmmmmmmmmmK? Take a page from Scott Adams here.

SnarkOff October 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Also, WORST LEDE EVER.

Gratuitous World October 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Let me guess, the chalk was COLORED?! For shame.

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Calcite diversity?????? Everyone knows, chalk is WHITE!

Gratuitous World October 19, 2012 at 12:28 pm

multicalcification is killing this country.

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

It's killing my knees, that's for sure.

Pat_Pending October 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Chalk of Color, thank you very much.

Callyson October 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Black Chalk sounds like a good name for a cosmetics line.

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:25 pm

"I warned you! Didn't I warn you? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself." — Groundskeeper Willie

Butch_Wagstaff October 20, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I know that when I first saw a teacher use colored chalk I thought to myself: "Now I don't know what to think. Have I been taught nothing but lies?"

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Worse. It was Muslin.

BlueStateLibel October 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Verily, I doth say, Peggy Noonington would approve.

OzoneTom October 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Though apparently she once mated with Tucker Carlson and their offspring suffers from FAS. But managed to get into college at least.

GunToting[Redacted] October 19, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Duh, state school.

Chet Kincaid_ October 19, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Some of my best me's went to state school!!

DrunkIrishman October 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Who knew little girls everywhere drawin' on sidewalks with chalk were actually gangbanger wannabes graffitin' up our world.

HANG 'EM!

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:28 pm

And worse, the little sluts will end up single moms who give birth to the next generation of violent gun lords.

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 10:47 pm

And Presidents.

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

As important as it is to vote and perform our civic duty, this is not how it is done. Campaigns should not bludgeon potential voters with their presence. There ought to be some moderation, lest politics — as we have seen in this case — be everywhere. Unfortunately, however, not even the steps of one of our most noted campus landmarks, Curtis Hall, could escape defacement with directives to vote for Obama at the Memorial Union.
Is nothing sacred anymore?

"Good day, sir, I said, GOOD DAY!"

La_Cieca October 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"Good day, sir, I said… oh, no! Not another atomic wedgie! Come on, you guys, I don't want to have to tell the Campus Disciplinary Action Committee on you! Ow! Ow!"

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"And most recently of all, a "Chalk Party" was held from which we have received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here. "

herecomedajudge October 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm

"fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life"

FNMA October 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Hitchens said that the answer to the question "Is nothing sacred?" is always "no."

littlebigdaddy October 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

We've found the next Tucker Carlson!

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

D'Oh!

eggsacklywright October 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Play D'oh?

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Tucker Carlson trifecta is in play I see

BTWBFDIMHO October 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

As long is not the next Karl Rove…

Nowisallthereis October 20, 2012 at 9:50 am

No, the horns would have budded out by now.

MissTaken October 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Hey little girls, you do your hopscotching in private you little hooligans. Get off my sidewalk!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

How dare you, small children! This is a sacred space! Be ladylike!

Mittens Howell, III October 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Hopscotch? That's Obama's 10 point socialist skipping plan.

actor212 October 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I see Tucker Carlson has a protege

eggsacklywright October 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

It's the chalk of the town.

FlownOver October 19, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Really? CHALK?

Somebody's soon gonna find out the journo job market is even tougher than expected.

Carlson's Daily Asshole might still be an option.

Lascauxcaveman October 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Campaigns should not bludgeon potential voters with their presence. There ought to be some moderation, lest politics — as we have seen in this case — be everywhere.

Dude lives in Iowa, and apparently, does not own a teevee.

CommieLibunatic October 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

There was this congressional race in Sacramento 2010, between Democratic challenger Ami Bera and incumbent Republican Dan Lungren. Bera was kind of a dark horse candidate who almost won, except the Crossroads super PAC made a big ad buy like two weeks from election day.

In an interview for This American Life, Bera went on to describe his most prominent memory from that time: his daughter telling him "Hey dad, you're on television again!" This was thanks to Crossroads running a negative commercial ad nauseum (something like the average viewer would see it 16 times a week).

tl;dr – Dude you know NOTHING about bludgeoning.

SexySmurf October 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Whoever wrote that just earned their BS in pretentiousness.

ALIVE! October 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Forsooth, I posit the editorial writer in question possesses a specimen of wood in his rectum.

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Have you seen http://www.abevigoda.com/ ? Everytime you refresh the page it provides the current date, time and current life/death status. Also some music I guess as my speaker icon was flashing and a page of 'premortums'.

elviouslyqueer October 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Verily!

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Whose?

eggsacklywright October 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Possession of chalk with intent to spell. Sentence: 3 years

Mittens Howell, III October 19, 2012 at 12:47 pm

3 yaers.

FakaktaSouth October 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

OH YEAH, I get to be superior, FOR ONCE, because they actually do have people that write VOTE OBAMA, like as a command and everything! on the sidewalks! at the UNIVERSITY OF ALA-STANDING IN THE SCHOOLHOUSE DOOR-ABAMA and nobody says a thing, or even pees on it, it's true! Of course, people also eat chalk here, but whatever.

prommie October 19, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Go Bama!

FakaktaSouth October 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Roll Tide.

Dammit you know that's like tourettes, I can't not say it. Also, Heehaw it's Tennessee weekend, so you know, even though they suck on ice this year again, I hope we win…(Yeah, I was going to say something terrible, but I am worried about my game Karma. Go Gators, beat the Cocks, also fun to say)

prommie October 19, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I needs to see what deadspin says about this shit, Bama number one, Gators number two, in the BCS. Its a fucking thing, though, ain't it? Symbolic of something, I think. Beating a top 5 team, that gives ya credibility, should that happen. Some of those deadspin guys I like, I don't know why there's so much hostility toward them from so many people.

Chet Kincaid_ October 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

They do have some funny stuff, like that one caustic American Dude Dad that writes once a week. But why do they have shit like million-word descriptions of Hulk Hogan's sex tape, and pictures of athlete's dicks? That stuff is just the Gawker taint. They also are big apologists for PED-users, which is their way of being different, I guess, but kind of b.s.

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Hey, from Vol Cuntry, let me tell you: Nothing sucks like a Big Orange.

prommie October 19, 2012 at 12:58 pm

And it was so so cool that I got to work for Nicholas "stand aside I am the fucking law motherfucker plus, troops" Katzenbach when I was a pup.

barto October 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"It was a dark and stormy night, but damn if those clouds didn't have a silver lining". There, much better. You're welcome.

Texan_Bulldog October 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

God. This dude is probably still analyzing Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance with his fellow chess club members.

SnarkOff October 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Chess club libel!!!!

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I threw that sucker out as soon as I found out it did not record how many times you fold a Zig Zag to gap the points on a Harley. Can never remember whether its three or four.

HistoriCat October 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Chess club? No way – straw hat-wearing Young Republican d-bag.

weejee October 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Must be all the chalksters were grad students who got their baccalaureates at Iowa or Oklahoma.

MissTaken October 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I like to walk one of the trails near my apartment. Often there are leftover chalk markings used to direct people doing charity walk/runs which way to go. Fuck those people. The public world in which the actions of charities take place requires a private world, a refuge, from charitable action to keep from becoming an amorphous blob.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

They're violating your free speech by speaking freely! Those monsters!

Chet Kincaid_ October 19, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Charity is a good walk spoiled!!

SorosBot October 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Well at least the chalk isn't as distracting as the old dude jogging about in nothing but speedos.

sudsmckenzie October 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

College lesbian experimenting is still ok though, obviously.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 19, 2012 at 12:46 pm

totes. obvs.

if only there were pics or videos of such encounters available somewhere.

cousinitt October 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Which dorm, did you say? Oh, it's for my next college news article…um, yeah, newspaper, you know?

owhatever October 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Equal chalk for women, and body paint.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

"Campaigns should not bludgeon potential voters with their presence."

Sooo, campaigns can't, um, campaign, then?

GhostBuggy October 19, 2012 at 1:36 pm

That's also my favorite part. Where the fuck these kids been the last election cycle or 12? Jesus Christ.

MissTaken October 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm

♫ Rain, rain
Go Away
You should vote Romney
Anyway ♫

Not_So_Much October 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm

So, this is where the Peggy Noonan School of Journalism is located?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 19, 2012 at 12:35 pm

"Unfortunately, however, not even the steps of one of our most noted campus landmarks, Curtis Hall, could escape defacement with directives to vote for Obama at the Memorial Union.
Is nothing sacred anymore?"

CURTIS HALL 10/19/12 NEVER FORGET!!11!

Dr_Zoidberg October 19, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Wow, someone bought a new thesaurus, huh?

Jerri October 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Zounds! Those kids have a bigger stick up their collective ass than that crusty old dean!

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Dean Wormer approves.

Oblios_Cap October 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

A thriving political world, even if it consists solely of hollow slogans and commands rather than arguments, requires a thriving private world into which politics does not intrude.

Is that possible?

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Frack no. It's a political event even when two shoppers approach the check out line at approximately the same time.

bikerlaureate October 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Particularly if food stamps are brought out…

CommieLibunatic October 19, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I doubt it. I can't even play Team Fortress 2 without seeing a server called "Ron Paul 2012" for whatever fucking reason.

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 10:52 pm

No, no, it doesn't, you fucking half wit.

Mittens Howell, III October 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Filing belated lawsuit against my kindergarten teacher for bludgeoning the alphabet into my head, with chalk.

WhatTheHeck October 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

A chalk line on the ground usually means someone’s grand illusion has died there.

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 1:13 pm

We used to do that at Duquesne along Academic Walk. A friend and I did it once or twice and it grew into dozens showing up on Sunday morning as everyone was walking to church.

eggsacklywright October 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Hopscotch uber alles!

CrunchyKnee October 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Chalk that up to good old Iowawegian stupidity.

Jerri October 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I don't want to believe the children are our future.

LesBontemps October 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Are these fuckers fucking serious? This is what a college newspaper bitches about these days? Maybe we should bring back the draft.

FNMA October 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.

– Bart Simpson

Wilcoxyz October 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Curb the free speech kids. That's for Super PACs only.

Kid_Charlemagne October 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Was this written by Travis Bickle? "Thank God for the rain which has helped wash away the garbage and trash off the sidewalks."

ChernobylSoup October 19, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I say give the guy a job writing for Newsweek's print edition.

LesBontemps October 19, 2012 at 12:46 pm

With clips like that, he could work at the New York Herald.

Oblios_Cap October 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

or the Weekly World News!

eggsacklywright October 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

It's OK as long as it's a Caucasian Chalk Circle.

Pat_Pending October 19, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Thanks for making Brecht spin in his grave.

boskolives October 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

My brain has 'sploded trying to imagine how many undecided voters (A.K.A. Morons) have been swayed by the chalkers literally taking it to the streets. Feets do your stuff, stomp out this transgression on the public walkways.
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com

TheGyrus October 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Poor kid is in dire need of a blow job.

HistoriCat October 19, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Yeah but he can't find anyone who is willing to drop trou in front of him.

Barrelhse October 19, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I'm sure he'll like the taste.

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Do you remember your first blow job?

BenGleck October 20, 2012 at 10:41 am

Enough whiskey will wash any taste out of you mouth. I'm told.

Mittens Howell, III October 19, 2012 at 12:41 pm

"Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly."

Help! Wonkette is profiling people with Middle-Aged Millionaire White Guy Avatars!

Lovey, bring me to the fainting couch!

Crank_Tango October 19, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Someone is getting a little uppity with their schoolhouse rock learnin.

But, but, they used the IMPERATIVE!

delaney_blom October 19, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I'd be pissed about the sidewalk monopolization, too.

Do you know how much it costs to land on Boardwalk with chalk campaign ads on it?

SmutBoffin October 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Needz more "fie!" and "to wit…".

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Zounds!

HogeyeGrex October 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

*waahhmbulance.jpg*

sullivanst October 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Somebody is vaguely aware that "hell is other people", but wasn't paying attention when it was explained why.

Blueb4sinrise October 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

In other college news news

Arizona Daily Wildcat Apologizes for ‘Fruit Roll Up’ Cartoon Depicting Homophobia, Child Abuse
http://collegemediamatters.com/2012/10/18/arizona

Maybe I'm Hitler today, but I think it's snark.

ManchuCandidate October 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Chalk is the new box cutter of terrorism.

prommie October 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

As someone who at 50 now only wishes he ever had the fucking balls to ever really just TRY to do the thing he most of all ever dreamed of doing with his life, which would be, writing, I must say that bad writing enrages me, as it seems to Ms. Rebecca as well. Yes, here I am having never even really tried to achieve my dream because I talked myself into believing I was not good enough, and then I see these fuckers getting published (even fucking college paper alright, thats how pitiful I am I am jealous even of this fucking pinhead) so it especially fucking irks me to see bad fucking writing that I know I could do so so so much better and here I threw away my fucking life from lack of confidence and I was wrong. Look at what this bad-writing fucking little twerp has done to me now. Fucker.

Mittens Howell, III October 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

FUCK that fucker for fucking with you!

FakaktaSouth October 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Lapdance.

Also, YOU'RE 50? Dang. It's too bad they don't let you write stuff at that age.

prommie October 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm

You were right about the lapdance, all those 22 weeks ago, totally fucking right. It was absolutley exactly what was called for. I know, I know, I have memorized the phrase, "You're right, ______." You only always ever have been.

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 10:58 pm

50 is the new old.

Wait, that wasn't encouraging.

gullywompr October 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Bad fucking writing totally sucks.

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Um, that's kind of a run-on sentence there.
*ducks*

prommie October 19, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Go tell William Faulkner that shit. I have run-on thoughts, with lots of parentheticals too, fuck yes I recognize my own self every time I read David Foster Wallace. Much less suicidey, though.

M. Bouffant October 19, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Hey, the run-on sentence is the highest form of typing. Prommie, git yerse'f one of them web-log things & start running on. And on.

Chet Kincaid_ October 19, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Take your Legal Lemons and make Grisham Lemonade!! Write yourself a series of fish-out-of-water legal crime thrillers about a Jersey Mouthpiece in Alabama. "Roll Crimson Tide" would make a great first title.

BenGleck October 20, 2012 at 10:47 am

James Joyce wrote some amazing run on sentences. Not that either of these dudes is anywhere fucking NEAR a James Joyce.

noodlesalad October 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Do you really want to fuck with Big Chalk? Do you?

scorpy1 October 19, 2012 at 12:47 pm

"Showing off celebrities such as…."

Between this and that Corsi piece where some idiot thinks of Obama purely as "famous", I'm beginning to think these tools don't think much of Obama as leader of the free world…except maybe all the time.

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:45 pm

He's only the leader of the free world when he can "let our troops get killed in Libya", and such.

BTWBFDIMHO October 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Down came the rain and wiped poor Hussein out…

ph7 October 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Is nothing sacred anymore?

No, chalk free sidewalks was the last thing God gave up before he checked out.

cousinitt October 19, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Editrix, I'll see you an unread Umberto Eco and raise you an unread Thomas Pynchon. Ungrateful little college weenies. Probably think Gravity's Rainbow is about the attraction of the ghey.

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 2:04 pm

No, only about pederasty and shooting teenage boys off in V2 rockets.

Pat_Pending October 19, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Does Life begin at conception?? No, Life begins at 50!!!

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Life begins at puberty. All before was the merest imagining.

gullywompr October 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Editrix left nothing but a chalk outline of the author on the sidewalk .

mavenmaven October 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Have you seen what people look like in Iowa with all that high fructose corn syrup they produce there? Amorphous blob, indeed.

Maman October 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Do these dipshits obsess about the chalk drawings outside of Starbucks? Or is that just a Chicago thing?

elviouslyqueer October 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

The clouds that bore down on Iowa State on Wednesday have a silver lining. Although many of us may very well have murmured to ourselves, “Rain rain go away / Come again another day,” the drops of water that fell from the sky in an on-again, off-again kind of way have one great virtue.

Worst. Faulkner/DeLillo/Shakespeare. Mashup. EVER.

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 2:06 pm

No dirt stained panties, can't be Faulkner.

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Faulkner and the Dirt Stained Panties.

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Didn’t they cut an album in Mussel Shoals in ’71?

mrblifil October 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Biggest asshole I ever met in college was the guy "running" the radio station as if he were working a real fucking job. GOD he was an asshole. Same goes for most kids who blithely sacrifice their youthful years pursuing some icky simulacrum of the life they think adults lead. Assholes all.

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I'll see your asshole running the college radio station and raise you an asshole running the college radio station whose father is the Dean.

mrblifil October 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

My guy went on to actually have a career in radio. Decisive proof as to his asshole status.

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 8:34 pm

My guy went on to getting caught sneaking around and peering into window in the shower of the girl’s dorm. When the Jersey Girls decided justice was not properly administered they did.

Lot_49 October 19, 2012 at 1:21 pm

A real writer would have set the verse off on lines by itself:

Although many of us may very well have murmured to ourselves,

Rain rain go away
Come again another day*

the drops of water that fell from the sky…
________________
*Anon

Ruhe October 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

How, you ask, did God allow this to happen? The answer is communicated to you by the very egregiousness of the crime committed. God has died. Obama knows this and so strikes at this most opportune moment. Abandon all hope, ye gentle bitches of Iowa.

larrykat October 19, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Holy shit, did English 101 give out some extra credit or something?

b[redact]opple October 19, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I went to college in Chicago and the many Iowans I met there were all, without exception, the most insufferable sanctimonious prigs I've ever known. I don't know why Iowans suck but they do.

kyeshinka October 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm

You should try driving here. You'd swear people are having heart attacks behind the wheel.

Generation[redacted] October 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm

You know who else monopolized the sidewalks?

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Huge, fetid piles of garbage bags that have been sitting there so long that they actually have wavy stink lines coming off of them?

Or is that only in NYC?

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:47 pm

That guy the other day, and when I stepped left, HE stepped left, and when I stepped right, HE stepped right?
I hate that, don't you?

James Michael Curley October 19, 2012 at 2:11 pm

When that happens you scream, "They're coming! They're coming!" and squat down covering your head. When you stand up you will have a clear path for the rest of the block, even down 42nd. Street.

elviouslyqueer October 19, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Oh dear. Sounds like the editor is still mighty pissed that he got rejected by the Iowa Writer's Workshop.

docterry6973 October 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

WHAT?? Democrats getting out the vote during open polling by using CHALK on SIDEWALKS!!! This is an outrage. Why next they will be telephoning people and encouraging them to vote!! Why don't they do what the GOP does – route the vote tabulations through servers you control and create the results you want.

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

If you think this was scathing, just wait until you see his editorial in next month's edition.
It's all about how Christmas has gotten away from its Christian origins.

Wadisay October 19, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Just guessing, but this person has the New Yorker poster of the guy in the top hat looking at a butterfly through a monacle in his/her dorm room. Dude, replace with dogs playing poker.

Stevola October 19, 2012 at 1:41 pm

He's clearly unfamiliar with the Chalk United ruling, which states that chalk is speech. Brought to you by the Chalk Brothers.

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"They had the effect of erasing some of the chalk that directed — nay, commanded — us to vote for President Barack Obama"

So, if the chalk slogans had said something like:
"Could you consider voting for President Barack Obama? I mean, if you've thought it over and decided that's OK with you"
that would have been OK with Little Lord Fuckpants, then?

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Or "Please, may I have some more Kenyan Muslin Communist?"

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I'll bet he's memorized every Monty Python sketch ever.

HistoriCat October 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Wonkette commenter libel!

tessiee October 19, 2012 at 1:49 pm

"Campaigns should not bludgeon potential voters with their presence. There ought to be some moderation"

Translation: That Cullid boy and his unseemly supporters should just shut up and let us take over.

cassamandra October 19, 2012 at 1:51 pm

So they wanna privatize the sidewalks? I smell some badly digested Kant.

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Is that how they spell "cunt" up that away?

LibrarianX October 19, 2012 at 2:05 pm

This is a surprisingly literary conversation coming out of Ames (where ISU resides).

Chet Kincaid_ October 19, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Was this written by fucking Snoopy hunched over his keyboard with a fedora on?!

Boojum October 19, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Or Woodstock.

kyeshinka October 19, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The Obamamamas got Curtis Hall? Maybe if they could get Rich Hall they could put this election away.

kyeshinka October 19, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Who are these Greg Marmalards in charge of our college papers and who the fuck let them out?

Naked_Bunny October 19, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Meanwhile, for those of us in Ames whose world extends further than six blocks, it's nothing but signs supporting Steve King.

kyeshinka October 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

There are 30,000 of you motherlovers on that campus, far more than the margin of victory for Christie Vilsack. If she doesn't win, NO democrat will ever win. Just wait 10 years till the state loses more people and maybe you'll win when you incorporate Cedar Rapids. GOTV!

MsWIldhack October 21, 2012 at 1:06 am

Having had the misfortune of being in the 5th District since returning to Iowa 10 years ago, I'm so, so sorry. It's a sad day in Podunk when the prospect of being represented by Tom Latham (re-districting has put me in the 4th) is an improvement. I'm not wild about Leonard Boswell, but I may actually do a dance of joy if he manages to beat Latham.

Has the Daily been taken over by right-wing morons, then? Haven't paid attention to it since I graduated.

Gleem McShineys October 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm

You'd think his tears of butthurtedness would wash most of these away, way before the rain did.

gingerland62 October 19, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Is corporate chalk, people?

karlamarx October 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm

okay, you guys. you have ALL given me the most pleasant afternoon of chuckles and chortles ever. i love when my brain synapses crackle into action with off-handed references by this illustrious crew.

thank yew.

angelfoot October 19, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Chalktober Revolution.

ttommyunger October 19, 2012 at 9:50 pm

First they came for the Number Two lead pencils, and I said nothing, then they came for the crayons, and I said nothing, then they came for the chalk and I freaked the fuck out like Prommie.

Negropolis October 20, 2012 at 12:38 am

Now, they know how many holes it takes to fill the Curtis Hall…

BenGleck October 20, 2012 at 10:36 am

Chalk is cheap!

editor October 20, 2012 at 10:09 pm

gotta love those college students.

"booooo, people are campaigning, in an election year, no less! we shall not be exposed to this!"

thefrontpage October 22, 2012 at 12:57 pm

What a dumb editorial. Who says "nay…?" Who says "egregious?" And what's wrong with chalk statements campaigning for President Obama? Nothing!! What a dumb editorial!

prommie October 19, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Well I do only read one article in 5, true, I just ignore the chaff. The weekly pro football rundown in which there is no mention of football whatsoever except to take knocks at Greggggg Easterbrook tickles me every time.

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