mouthbreathyWHAT THE FUCK, Daily Caller? Why are you going around explaining that you were named after the time Dick Cheney “shot that guy in the face”?

[Tucker] Carlson insisted it was vital this new media outlet be given a name that resembled a traditional news outlet. […]
But as Patel recounted, β€œit’s virtually impossible to find a domain name that includes words like the Times or the Tribune these days β€” unless you want to pay a lot of money for them.” So Patel started racking his brain for other name ideas.

And then he remembered the time Dick Cheney shot that guy in the face.

So the Daily Caller named itself after the Corpus Christie paper that was cold scooping the world constantly on how Dick Cheney “shot that guy in the face.” Remember the hilarity of how Dick Cheney refused to talk to the cops after he “shot that guy in the face”? And how the guy who he shot in the face held a press conference to apologize to Dick Cheney for getting in the way of his gun, with his face?

Oh how such fine fellows as Tucker Carlson must have been rolling in hilarity.

What else could the Daily Caller have daily called itself, if it hadn’t chosen to name itself after the paper reporting on how Dick Cheney “shot that guy in the face”?

  • Das


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  • BadKitty904


    • Maybe he meant "viral" but couldn't speak clearly around Cheney's dick?

      • HogeyeGrex

        So, you're saying Dick Cheney shot Tucker Carlson in the face?

        • Tuck looks like a swallower, to me

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Is this like an "Origins" issue of some Marvel superhero?

    • Worst. Fantastic Four. Reboot. Ever.

      • HateMachine

        Better than New 52 though.

        • SorosBot

          Yeah, but even "one more day" with Spider-Man selling his marriage to the devil was better than the New 52.

  • mavenmaven


    • HateMachine

      We're not racist, we love white people. Ford trucks, apple pies, bald eagles!

      • Especially white people in Ford trucks eating apple pie while they drag blahs in chains behind said Ford trucks, as bald eagles circle overhead.

        Now that there's some fun times!

  • noodlesalad

    For a post that contains both "Tucker Carlson" and "got shot in the face," I found this post very unsatisfying. For those who feel like me, I'd just like to put these words together, where they belong. "Tucker Carlson got shot in the face" – with votes.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Tucker Carlson got shot in the face"

      I'm thinking bukake here.

      • eggsacklywright

        Special "running down my chin" edition.

      • noodlesalad

        There are a lot of good non-lethal X rated ammo possibilities here.

    • prommie

      I would not be surprised to learn Tucker Carlson has taken a lot of loads in the face. Oh, wait, thats a different kind of "shot,"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Good thing for them that Cheney didn't shoot that guy in Tate County, Mississippi.

    • But why couldn't it be in Taint County???????

    • elviouslyqueer

      Linky is blocked. HAS A SAD.

      (Btw, Tate County is just below me, and is generally regarded regionally as the epicenter of white trashdom. An epic accomplishment, even by Mississippi standards.)

    • sullivanst

      Would've been just too ironic if it'd happened in Cleveland.

  • sudsmckenzie

    I always thought it was for that old boyfriend who would never leave you alone.

    • 21st Century. They would have had to call themselves "Daily Drunk Texter"

      • FakaktaSouth

        The Daily Dick Pic with a new one of Tuck's face everyday would have been too on the nose, I suppose.

        • "Miss me much, baby?"

        • prommie

          Look who has her panties in a bunch now.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Maybe THAT'S what's wrong with his face – his black lace thong is all wrapped up too tightly where his dick should be. It's on your shoulders, asshole.

          • prommie

            Bad associations, bad, do not like, I don't want to see tucker anywhere anyhow near a black lace thong. Not that dickhead.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I thought the name of their website was inspired by a debt collection agency.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Was DicksRUs already taken?

    • eggsacklywright

      Yup. So was The Daily Galler.

    • Lot_49

      And Daily Pot-Pie.


    • Biff

      "Keep fuckin' that turducken" just rolls off the tongue, don't it?

      • tessiee

        Plus, it contains the word "turd", so there's that.

    • Cicada

      We are talking about Tucker Carlson, after all.


        What Carlson does every night in front of his mirror. Then he sings along to Carol Channing showtunes.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Too long, by "ucken".

      • Nicely played!

        *polite golf clap*


  • Poindexter718

    Why not "Daily News Cum Shot in the Face by Dick"?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors


    • jaytingle

      Their servers couldn't handle the increase in traffic.

  • Oblios_Cap

    "it’s virtually impossible to find a domain name that includes words like the Times or the Tribune these days — unless you want to pay a lot of money for them.”

    Those pesky free-market principles always crop up in the most inconvenient ways, don't thye?

    Someone oughta pass a law.

    • Barrelhse

      Fucking capitalist pigs.

    • Lot_49

      Remember when this used to be called "cyber-squatting"? As though figuring out that might have market value before somebody at GM did were comparable to illegally occupying real estate. Rent-seeking capitalists are the fiercest enemies of capitalism.

    • Serolf_Divad

      That's funny, because seems to be available.

  • Mumsy wouldn't fork over some more munies for a domain name?

    • All her available cash was put into test marketing for the new Swanson's Frozen Turducken™.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      My thoughts exactly. Why didn't he borrow $20,000 from his parents, like good Republican capitalists are supposed to do? Why does Tucker Carlson hate Amercia?

  • Oblios_Cap

    So Patel started racking his brain for other name ideas.

    I think I've spotted his problem…

  • jodyleek

    Why not

    I know, that would be silly. Mr. Vonnegut's character actually felt remorse.

  • LesBontemps

    Should have been Which, by the way, is still available.

    • HistoriCat

      I can't believe Michelle Malkin passed that up and went with!

  • They could at least have given a nod to Whittington's problem and named it "The Harry Caller".

    • eggsacklywright

      Was Harry politically erect?

  • Not_So_Much

    bowtietwatwaffle.derp too long?

    • LesBontemps

      I was going to go with

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      I heartily endorse the ".derp" TLD and will propose it to ICANN immediately.

  • Fuck me, why didn't I buy the ".derp" domains??????

    • elviouslyqueer

      doucheymotherfucker.derp just sings, baby.

      • And it just hit me that I could mirror all the .com sites like, I dunno, BigGovernment.derp and Newsmax.derp and DailyCaller.derp

  • freakishlywrong

    Jesus I hate this fucking smug douchebag. That is all.

  • Goonemeritus

    I hate this guy he has done to bowties what Hitler did to the well-trimmed mustache.

  • Well after all who doesn't love a good facial?

  • rickmaci

    Der Stürmer. Good chance that domain is available. Here are some others that would work also.

  • LibertyLover

    Was The Onion taken?

  • eggsacklywright

    If I knew how to create a .gif with Tucker's bow tie twirling like a propeller, I'd do it.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Give me a few minutes. Not sure how I can get it to ya though.

      • eggsacklywright

        Maybe Becca could make it a blingy thing.

  • SaintNixon

  • SorosBot

    And yet shooting a guy in the face was still one of the least deadly things Cheney ever did while Vice President.

  • Lascauxcaveman When the 'news' website goes out of business, he can sell the remaining assets (ie. domain name) to a pornsite developer.

  • That mug shot is totally Tuckered. It makes me wish I was wishing Carlson would stop hitting my fist with his nose. Hitting it with votes, obvs.

  • calliecallie

    He needs to go back to Dancing with the Stars. They're doing an alumnae edition. Bristol Palin has been on again.

    • eggsacklywright

      "has been" indeed.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      And gone again too. Yay!

  • Conveidt

    The name of the newspaper that reported Cheney's shooting of one of his hunting buddies isn't the Daily Caller. It's the Corpus Christi Caller Times or as we call it, the Smaller Times – the content has shrunk to almost nothing or the Chamber of Commerce Caller Times for it's probusiness bias.

  • I thought "Daily Caller" was the nickname given to Tucker by one of his rentboys.

  • Come here a minute
  • Wadisay

    "Stormfront" was taken, too.

    • "Sturm and Drag" would have been suitable and accurate

  • In pursuit of an Occam-y solution, I note with wonder that is available.

    • Oddly, tho, it shows up as a porn site in my firewall

  • hagajim
  • StealthMuslin

  • Naked_Bunny

    This certainly gives me an idea of a fun activity the Daily Caller staff can do at their Halloween party.

    • So no bobbing for apples, no pin the tail on the donkey, but…?

      • Naked_Bunny

        It's like Spin the Bottle, but with more maiming.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Spin the hair-triggered AK-47?

  • An_Outhouse

    The real reason for the name is that Pravda is English is Daily Caller.

  • IncenseDebate

    Mein Daily Kampf?

  • IncenseDebate

    Yes, The Daily Facial is already taken too. Don't ask me how I know.

  • pinkocommi
  • Beetagger

    Sometimes the wrong guy gets shot in the face.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba is available.


  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    howz about turdshitpoopfacedidiot.sux?

  • The Daily Purge?

  • I will simply wear out my "Blanche Carlson's Gentleman Caller."

  • With a nod to my birthplace on Lake Erie: The Insane Dealer?

  • The Wingtard-Picayune?

  • CthuNHu

  • Generation[redacted]

    Tucker's Monthly Caller?

    • Nostrildamus

      aka RedState?

  • owhatever

    The Morning Shit.

  • Detesticle

    Tucker Up Buttercup
    Tucker It Up The Butt In Carlson Caverns
    Tuckered Out
    Tucker Tucker Gooser

    He missed the brainstorming session

  • Nostrildamus

  • So, was the Daily Kristallnacht taken?

  • mosjef


  • Stevola

    "Shot that guy in the face?" As I recall, he was merely "peppered" with bird shot.
    I think his last words before being peppered were,"Is there anything you boys can't fuck up?"

    • DahBoner

      Mmm…peppered trial lawyer. Delish!

  • chascates

    Wikipedia: After Carlson told Stewart "I think you're more fun on your show," Stewart replied by saying: "You know what's interesting though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show."

    Therefore Daily Caller should become Big Dick.

  • DahBoner


    …were already snapped up!

  • ttommyunger

    Tucker: face of a boy, body of a girl, mind of a perv. You're welcome…

  • What a sad, yet unsurprising, lack of humanity from the Swanson TV Dinner scion.

  • EmileZoloft

    I'm at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.

  • EmileZoloft

    dot org

  • fitley

    Tucker could have called it the "Daily Wedgie" as a nod to his high school days.

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