Hey, so anybody able to get this fucker to load? No, right? HAHAHA, we just figured it out. Chicago is NOT ON EASTERN TIME MAYBE? So maybe it is one more hour before this bad boy starts? For sweet Jesus crying out loud. This is seriously going to cut into our Pimm’s cup and French dip time at Cole’s, which we’d thoughtfully scheduled for 90 minutes from now. Let’s all go do something else for a while, yes? See you back in like 45. Pfft.
7 PM Whatever time: Are we ready to rumble? NOT ANYMORE.
7:01 PM — So is there a goddamn debate or is this their regular newscast? Anybody else ready to scrape this ridiculous waste of pixels from the Internet? Ooh, a weather report.
7:05 PM — Pretty sure the moderator just described Joe Walsh as a high school dropout.
7:05 PM Also — Five bucks says Joe Walsh, when answering “something nice” says he totally respects her Purple Heart band-aid.
7:06 PM — Everyone send us five dollars right now please, as we win. You may send it care of PayPal, rebecca at wonkette dot com.
7:07 PM — Joe Walsh explains that when President Obama was elected, everybody freaked out. That is remarkably accurate! But he says it’s because “government had gotten so big.” That is not!
7:08 PM — Moderator: Tammy Duckworth, in what way will you fuck the Democratic Party should this Democratic district send you to Washington? (BIPARTISANLY FUCK YOUR PARTY, of course.)
7:16 PM — Nothing against whatever words Tammy is saying, but have you all asked Jasmine in the forum chatroom a question yet? They might even ask it on air! Here, we will start: “Congressman Walsh, where will you sleep when you no longer have a Washington office? Will you be homeless like your starving homeless children what got no clothes or food?”
7:17 PM — Oh, Tammy calls the $716 billion lie! And the moderator follows up by asking how the $716 billion in Medicare savings is different from Paul Ryan’s $716 billion cut in savings. Has the moderator not understood that is the worst thing a moderator can ever do, is follow up a question? BURN THE MODERATOR!
7:18 PM — Ooh, and Tammy with the “Wall Street Journal calls the Ryan Plan ‘ending Medicare as we know it.’” Which Joe apparently voted for three times. And the moderator is all like OH IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON.
5:19 PM — Fuckin’ sick of the Time Nazi moderators, we really truly are.
5:20 PM — Moderator: Joe Walsh, how far can you get your tongue up Simpson’s and Bowles’ asses? Let us all talk about the deficit for EVER and EVER please!
5:22 PM — Jesse says over on the Tweeter that Ohio Treasurer and Senate candidate Josh Mandel just picked up Romney’s ‘single mothers cause Columbine’ line. That sounds just exactly like what Josh Mandel would do. Man, I wish we were watching that. That guy is hilarious.
7:26 PM — Moderator: Joe Walsh, are you sorry you are constantly yelling at your constituents, all the time, forever, because of how you are a dick?
7:28 PM — Wow! Moderator: Tammy Duckworth, do you overplay your injuries? Can I get you a band-aid for your missing legs?
7:30 PM — Show of hands: Who thinks Tammy Duckworth deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for not murdering the moderator with one finger to the throat?
7:37 PM — Of course Joe Walsh doesn’t believe in any abortions ever, no matter what, never no. Otherwise, he would not be able to continue having children he doesn’t support!
7:40 PM — We weren’t listening, is it over? Are they doing sports and weather after the break? It is over! Yasmin in the chat room confirms it! Well Tommy Thompson just called Tammy Baldwin “Joe Biden” and told her to shut up, over on the SPAN. You guys go ahead. We are going to commit seppuku in regret over the lousiness of this live-bloog. Then we are going to Cole’s for a Pimm’s cup.