siding with the pointy-haired boss

Dilbert Creator Scott Adams Endorses Murderer Romney To Fight Murder

Look how much better this guy is than a murderer!Scott Adams became famous by using his comic strip Dilbert to satirize life as a cubicle-drone. He crafted the characters as hopeless, tie-wearing corporate types who have long since given up fighting the inefficient bureaucracy in which they operate. It makes people feel better — it’s an office they can relate to, sure, but they can also laugh at how exaggeratedly stupid it is there.

Adams appears to be offering the same catharsis to people who try to use analogies.

It’s time for President Obama to be “fired,” he wrote yesterday, because of his crackdown on marijuana offenders who are obeying state law in California but defying federal law. He (of course) compares the situation to a corporate office: What if there was a CEO whom you liked, who was doing a good job, but who you found out had murdered a guy and gotten away with it. Should that guy be fired?

It’s not crazy to say “yeah, fire the stabby guy even if he’s good at things,” which is exactly what Adams is saying about the presidential race — Obama is ruining people’s lives over weed, and he should be fired.

Which is dumb.

So while I don’t agree with Romney’s positions on most topics, I’m endorsing him for president starting today. I think we need to set a minimum standard for presidential behavior, and jailing American citizens for political gain simply has to be a firing offense no matter how awesome you might be in other ways.

In an imaginary corporation, the murdery CEO gets fired (yay, pseudo-justice!), and will be replaced with someone else qualified to run the company, who has the potential to do just as well without murdering people (yay, corporation!). In the presidential race, though, that’s not the case: You fire that CEO for getting away with murder, and he’ll get replaced with a guy who is actually advertising himself as a guy who loves murder.

If you’re anti-murder, it makes sense to fire the CEO, because his replacement will likely be anti-murder. But firing quiet drug-warrior Obama will only replace him with righteous drug-warrior Romney. From a New Hampshire campaign event:

“The entryway into our drug culture for our young people is marijuana,” Romney said. “Marijuana is the starter drug. And the idea of medical marijuana is designed to help get marijuana out into the public marketplace and ultimately lead to the legalization of marijuana overall. And in my view, that’s the wrong way to go… If you elect me president, you’re not going to see legalized marijuana. I’m going to fight it tooth and nail.”

FIRE THE MURDERER! Replace him with the person fighting tooth-and-nail for murder!

It’s the problem with rejecting the “lesser of two evils” voting method: As soon as you get mad, you end up voting for evil.

Adams, though, knows Romney loves murder. He just doesn’t much care:

Romney is likely to continue the same drug policies as the Obama administration. But he’s enough of a chameleon and a pragmatist that one can’t be sure. And I’m fairly certain he’d want a second term. He might find it “economical” to use federal resources in other ways than attacking California voters.

Translation: Romney likes murder, is not afraid to tell folks he likes murder, but maybe he won’t murder anyone, if we’re lucky. Fire the murderer. [Scott Adams via Mediaite]

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174 comments

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I dunno about Dilbert himself, but his creator has apparently dipped a little too much of the logic-impairing snuff.

    2. Gleem McShineys

      I hadn't noticed before but the signs are all there:

      Notice the shape of his tie.

      WEEDLORD BONERHITLER, ANYONE?

    1. Negropolis

      With the logic he employed in that little piece, there is absolutely no other explanation. I mean, he's so high that this pothead is endorsing Romney, after all.

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    I must give credit to this guy for creating Wally, who has inspired my work ethic these last 20 years.

    1. prommie

      I am Wally. Wally is my idol and hero. I take his strategic advice on how to be irreplaceable while doing nothing very very seriously. I am now 10 years in and firmly completely ensconced and its a sweet gig!

    2. Gleem McShineys

      I am the opposite. I am thoroughly pissed at Scott Adams for making it necessary to change my whole work routine because he had to go and shine a spotlight on Wally.

  2. Beetagger

    If you get baked and listen to Dark Side of the Moon while reading Dilbert, you will vote for Romney.

    1. Weenus299

      She'd make an awesome DHS secretary, the way she listens in on things. All she needs is an endless fleet of drones.

  3. l_boogie

    "I'm voting against the anti-drug guy and in favor of the anti-drug guy. Because there are no other options; particularly not the anti-drug war green party lady, the anti-drug war justice party guy, and especially not the anti-drug war libertarian candidate guy."

    1. mrpuma2u

      Yes vote out the former choomer, for the cult zealot weirdo who will NEVER IN A BUH-JILLION YEARS free the weed. That is some super awesome logic. Methinks Mr. Adams is really thinking about taxes.

    1. davidcmoisan

      Not exactly, but Adams is so cynical that he posted on his personal blog that the theory of evolution was just a theory, in the Young Earth Creationists sense of "theory".

    2. MaxUdargo

      He is a supporter of Intelligent Design. He's kind of an idiot, which is terribly disappointing. Just like Kelsey Grammer and John Voight are disappointing. The guy makes Midnight Cowboy and Deliverance and then he ends up a FOX News wastebasket? What's up with that?

      How can a guy smart enough to write Dilbert argue that Mitt Romney will relax laws against marijuana out of concern for the opinions of California voters? Because California will be a swing state in 2016? No need to pander to potheads in 2012, but it will all be different in 2016!

      Dumbass.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      He's absurdly wealthy, Scott Adams, and maybe just a bit disingenuous in his self-rationalization.

  4. CrunchyKnee

    All snark aside, we're going to legalize weed in Colorado in a few weeks, I am interested to see what the Nobama admin is going to do about that. Yes on amendment 64, bitches!

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Keep an eye on WA, too, where it's quite likely to pass.

        As a non-consumer of weed, my interest lies mostly in the intricate dance this will set up between my state and the Feds.

        It's about time mainstream America was dragged into this debate about how egregiously absurd (and unfairly enforced) our drugs laws are.

        1. UW8316154

          My main interest in Washington is for my brother-in-law with a terminal illness. He can get his medical marijuana in Arizona (where he lives during the winter), but can't procure it in Washington where he lives during the summer). Arizona more tolerant than Washington? Say it ain't so!

    1. BerkeleyBear

      What's going to happen is that your amendment will be struck down as unconstitutional under Federal pre-emption and the Supremacy Clause the first time the US attorney feels like going to court. Which will happen, I'm guessing, about 5 seconds after the law goes into effect when someone tries to open a retail store.

      This isn't a close call as a matter of law. Especially in light of Gonzalez v. Raich, which affirmed that even growers for personal use can be regulated by the Feds. While the conservatives on the Court tried to beat back the Commerce Clause on the issue of the mandate in the ACA mainly for political reasons, they have no problem taking an expansive view of Federal power when it comes to drugs and other "police powers". So by all means, vote for it (if there's enough movement, eventually the law will change)- just don't get your hopes up that this particular amendment will survive.

      1. HELisforHEL

        Good question–one of the Brownes is always tipping a few back and the other is, uh, the one that works harder? I can't remember who does what strip. Not sure where they'd land on this one.

  5. Mumbletypeg

    "And the idea of medical marijuana is designed to help get marijuana into the public marketplace" — Romney

    Eh, Mittens: you Mormons familiar with the term "stigmatized", at all? Ever?

  6. Toomush_Infer

    "See, because Romney might really build a strong and lasting contract with Mexico, through the Mormons who still live down there, as a job creator, which would bring down Marijuana costs, rather than letting entrepreneurs build it here"….umm, Dilbert, put down the pipe….

  7. gullywompr

    Adams has updates on his blog, saying that news sites are taking his "Obama is a murderer because weed" comments out of context. Amazing something like that could happen, no?

  8. second_gen

    Scott Adams should watch the video of Mittens disrespecting the cancer guy in a wheelchair, trying to talk to him about Medical Weed. If that's his only stance, he's going to be sadly surprised when he finds that Mittens will not only jail them, he'll kick them in the face while they're dying of cancer.

  9. Not_So_Much

    He thinks legalizing weed is one of the eleventy-hundred things a President Romney would do on Day One? Uh, good luck with that.

    1. HELisforHEL

      Thank you-I was wondering how Mittens, even with his Super Mormon Work Ethic, was going to do everything he says he's gonna do 'on day one'.

    1. edgydrifter

      Yeah, but aspergery computer dweebs are supposed to make up for their compassion deficit with a surplus of cold inhuman logic. This fails massively on that level, too.

  10. edgydrifter

    Adams knows they're both Kang and Kodos on drug policy, but he'd rather we vote for Kang because Kodos hasn't been ethical about it? Shit, now I know who the pointy-haired boss really is.

  11. Mapmonger

    Huh. I had no idea Adams was the kind of asshole who would say a thing like this, then run around bitching that his words were taken out of context like he's doing. I sort of respect him not at all, anymore.

    Just another troll.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Between his ridiculous, self-congratulatory sockpuppetry and this little bon mot:

      The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. It's just easier this way for everyone.

      Read More: http://www.comicsalliance.com/2011/03/25/scott-ad
      .

      I haven't had a shred of respect for him in quite some time.

      The guy really is a useless tool.

  12. Crank_Tango

    That's it. I am throwing out my dilbert of the day calendar. Sure, it's dated 1996, but it will come back around someday.

  13. DustyBowlBlues

    Reminds of how the New Left (of course I don't mean me. I totally was not in the SDS) attacked Democrats and Hubert Humphrey and gave Nixon and his convention a pass. And helped that bastard Republithug defeat HHH. So, Pres. Evil managed to beat one of the most humane people who ever served in the congress.

    You're welcome, kids.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Well, to be fair, there was a wee little bit of dope involved in the SDS, too, if I remember correc…..squirrel!!!!….

  14. elviouslyqueer

    For the record, President Obama did not technically kill anyone to get elected. That was just a hypothetical example. But he is putting an American citizen in jail for 10 years to life for operating medical marijuana dispensaries in California where it is legal under state law.

    Um, Scott? Obama didn't put away Aaron Sandusky for 10+ years (that would be the DEA's doing, if you'd been paying attention). Why don't you go ahead and trot out the old canard "It's Obama's fault that gas prices keep going up," because it's the same type of tired logic that's been widely discredited.

    Oh, and your blog is fully of pussyhurt, also, too.

  15. FakaktaSouth

    Sounds like this Scott Adams guy got his hands on some decent bud before he logic-ed this whole thing out.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Is that like a special name? The SarahPalin half-grown strain of Blueberry Kush? Sounds about right.

      2. prommie

        I for one need to be stupid sometimes. When I am stupid I stop second-guessing myself and go with what I feel, and thats been working. Smart can be a terrible thing to be if your problem is that you have a habit of using your smart against yourself, to tear your own self down. Because you let yourself get herded into a situation just trying to do what everyone expects and not wanting to disappoint, but you hate that situation and hate yourself for letting yourself wind up there. Then you start attacking yourself with your own smart, sometimes.

        It gets better though if you just say "fuck it, fuck it all, I deserve to be happy."

  16. GunToting[Redacted]

    Typical fucking firebagger… "Whaaa! Obama didn't pull us out of EVERY armed conflict we are involved in on day One, and hasn't reinstated our civil rights lost under Shrub, so I'm going to vote for the guy who will involve us in dozens more wars and install an NSA-branded webcam in every room in my house!"

    Fuck Dilbert.

    1. bikerlaureate

      I'm still mad about the civil rights not being reinstated, but even I – a smelly hippie – can tell the difference between "very bad" and "much worse".

  17. magic_titty

    'I hate Romney but I love my weed, that Romney also hates…vote Romney.'

    Is that what I just read?

    1. Redgyal

      No what you read is this…"I like blah people but not when they are in charge so I have to find a way to vote for the other guy. And this is the best thing I could come up with."

      Makes sense now???

  18. prommie

    I laugh my ass off at Dilbert, but the smug superiority of it all is very typical of the socially semi-retarded bright math and computer dweebs who tend to read Ayn Rand and who are never ever even nearly as fucking smart as they think they are. That SNL character, the rude dirisive IT guy played by Jimmy Fallon, that nails it completely. "Did you reboot? (Sneer) Move!(Sneer)."

      1. vulpes82

        I think there was one that was on for about 23 days. Kathy Griffin was the voice of the lady with the triangle hair, if I recall correctly.

  19. gullywompr

    Obama is jailing a pothead for political gain , huh? Yeah, that tactic will really solidify his base in the swing states. Adams saw right through this.

  20. Gorillionaire

    When I smoked weed, I smoked through all kinds of presidential administrations and it never made any difference who was in the White House. In fact, if I was high and someone even mentioned the presidency, he or she would get a punch in the face and a giggle fit.

  21. OneDollarJuana

    More likely is that Scott Adams, having become very wealthy, is just trying to get wealthier and consequently recommends voting for the guy who stands for more wealth for the already wealthy over any other considerations.

  22. LibertyLover

    OK Wonkette — I know it is getting close to Halloween and all, but what is with all of the evil-eyed devils that you have been posting pictures of lately? Josh Romeny, Christian Bale as American Psycho, and the little derp that threw away voter registration…

    Who's next?

    Dick Cheney?

  23. Wadisay

    In other news, Mark Trail flips Lost Forest to a developer, turns Andy over to a taxidermist and takes his relationship with Rusty to a new and different level.

  24. actor212

    From Wiki:

    Adams has often commented on political matters. In 2007 he suggested that Michael Bloomberg would make a good presidential candidate.[12] Before the 2008 presidential election he said, "On social issues, I lean Libertarian, minus the crazy stuff,"[13] but said in December 2011 that if he were president he would do whatever Bill Clinton advised him to do because that "would lead to policies that are a sensible middle ground."[14] On October 17, 2012, he wrote "while I don't agree with Romney's positions on most topics, I'm endorsing him for president".[15]

    Which is weird because he announced he was running for President last year.

  25. ph7

    Paraphrased via FFFB:

    Weed can get you through times of no Obama better than Obama can get you through times of no weed.

  26. littlebigdaddy

    OT, but here's an idea editrix: post a collection of the creepiest Mittens pics you can find on the interwebz and have a caption contest.

  27. Beowoof

    I gave up long ago looking for Rmoney voters to make logical sense. They don't have any sense, cannot accept facts and are just mad cause they think the black guy in the White House is handing out welfare checks to other black people. Regardless of readily available information, they plow merrily ahead seeking to turn the country in a third world banana republic and have been working for it since the 1932 election of Roosevelt. The only reason voters saw republicans for what they were then is they screwed them all over in a noticeable way. Now they screw them over but they have Fox News to tell the public it is the black guys fault. Good thing it's Friday cause I need a drink, dirty martini here please.

  28. carlgt1

    Scott Adams has always been a Repuke-style corporate sellout. The workers in the trenches/cubicles are all buffoons and the CEO's & executives are not touched. He even sells "Dilbert" to shill for defense contractors in the form of instructional videos etc.

  29. Weenus299

    The logic behind this endorsement is so bad that I'm never going to read his shitty comics again, ever. How can this guy make fun of pinhead office logic and then use the same pinhead logic to endorse a candidate? God almighty, we get what we deserve.

  30. Serolf_Divad

    Let's face it: potheads are by far the most annoying of all one-issue voters. They're basically the reason Ron Paul even has a following.

  31. jesus_vs_gojira

    He might find it “economical” to use federal resources in other ways than attacking California voters.

    Erm, attacking California voters is exactly how Republican presidents get second terms. The entire GOP platform is "Real America versus the rest of you guys."

  32. stitch94133

    Check it out, here's a guy who made a lot of money and now thinks he's an expert on everything. Hmmmmm, who does that sound like?

  33. bureaucrap

    Translation: Adams made $$$$$ off of Dilbert, and now his money and Romney's money are sitting on neighboring chaise lounges on a Cayman Island beach.

  34. hagajim

    I've got a piece of advice for Scotty….you fucking think a Romney Administration wouldn't throw every weed smoker in jail in a half-second, shit Mitt prolly owns half the private prison companies in the world. Also – Mormon! Duh!

  35. Redgyal

    Interesting. The highest rated quote on the Scott Adams blog asks if Romney could gain support by claiming state's rights. What I wonder is how much support he would get if he did the same for every issue including the social and religious ones.

  36. imissopus

    Yes, lives are being ruined over federal drug policy under Obama. As they were under Clinton, Bush I and II, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon…

    Sigh. I get if you live in California that Romney could be considered a protest vote, but this is stupid. Plus, Scott? We had a chance to legalize it in 2010 and the ballot proposition failed, and it would not have withstood a challenge under federal law anyway…wait, why am I trying to talk logic with a libertarian?

  37. Stevola

    The sad thing is, that;s not the stupidest "logic" I've ever heard.

    Also, does anyone ever call cigarettes the starter or gateway drug?

  38. Gleem McShineys

    I stopped reading Dilbert when he did that gross one where Dilbert gave the pointy-haired boss a blowjob.

    (i.e. today)

  39. DahBoner

    Fire the Midnight Toker and replace him with a Mexican 'Officer Stedanko ' Robot, yeah right.

    Further proof even so-called "smart" people brain's can EASILY be manipulated using "negative frames"…

  40. glamourdammerung

    This moron is actually not anywhere near the first person I have seen use the argument that "Romney is so two-faced that he might literally take any position because we do not know where he stands on pretty much anything so we should vote for him!"

  41. finallyhappy

    Lots of kinds of smarts out there- and many of them are not smart about everything or logical.

  42. Chow Yun Flat

    What if there was a guy who drew a really good cartoon that was funny enough to make you laugh when your read it but was a complete idiot politically–and then he endorsed a candidate for President?

    Continue to laugh at the cartoons and ignore the endorsement.

  43. Robman2

    Dilbert is a Dilbert, Obama is keeping his powder dry, and will use the funds which are now cowed to the prison industrial complex, DEA and wasted militarized local police, to build roads, and upgrade the grid.

    He's got nothing to lose once he's on term two, just wait and see.

  44. BenGleck

    Hey, I'm a MENSAn too, and believe me, it doesn't matter how smart you are, you can still be a breathtaking asshole (adzhole, for the censors) and make monumentally stupid descisions. Recent papers of Albert Einstein show what a rude pig he could be to his wife in letters to his mistress.
    There are seven billion people on the planet, that means there's 140 million MENSAns on the planet. So why is everthing so fucked up (fracked up) with all the geniuses we got? Genius or not, they are only human.
    And on top of it, he is a libertarian.

  45. comrad_darkness

    Wants to vote for Romney for no good reason; makes up bad reason and goes to the wall defending it.

    Basic corporate behavior here, really.

  46. cousinitt

    Just got around to reading this post. I want to puke. So, Scotbert is still trying to have it his way–that he isn't a crazy Randroid. But he is. He never proves his hypothetical nor gives any evidence that Obama is acting out of political motives.

    Loser.

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