total racistSo here is this Chris Fields fellow, running against OH NOEZ A REVERSE RACIST MUSLIN TERRORIST, Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison, and apparently he is a “low-life scumbag.” We know this because Keith Ellison said so during their debate this morning, and he hasn’t lied to us yet! Chris Fields on the other hand, is sort of … postmodern, as seen in that thing we just linked to twice and will link to again.

Chris Fields: “I just want to point your attention to a few things that are blatantly misrepresented.”
City Pages: “In my post?”
Fields: “Yes, in your post. I did not explicitly call Keith a reverse racist. I didn’t. I didn’t.”
CP: “Ok, I’m looking at the ad right now, it says, ‘reverse racism.’ And there’s a picture of Keith Ellison next to it.”
Fields: “Ok, it says two words. What about the rest of the words there? I mean, do they count? And I’m not trying to be confrontational here –”

Oh there’s so much more! WE SUGGEST YOU READ IT. So anyway, today’s debate.

From CityPages:

Things got so heated that at one point it seemed as though KFAI cut away from their coverage in fears the two might come to blows. When they came back from a commercial break about 30 seconds later, Ellison could be heard still yelling at Fields, then the audio quickly cut away again.

And more!

“You’re really stupid for bringing up the domestic violence,” Ellison said. “You’re a scumbag. You’re a lowlife scumbag.”

Here, via Patch, is a transcript of the exchange that ensued after Fields briefly brought up Ellison’s 2010 divorce:

CHRIS FIELDS: I’m trying to remove the biggest obstacle to fixing things. You’re focused on looking into my divorce papers.

KEITH ELLISON: My daughter is in the next room — I’m exercising a lot of self-control right now.

CHRIS FIELDS: My ex-wife was crushed by what you did.

KEITH ELLISON: You know I didn’t do anything.

The debate was “temporarily put on hold” shortly thereafter, and when it resumed, both candidates had adopted more civil tones — at least until the end, when Ellison told Fields, “I look forward to your concession speech, sir.”

Here’s some audio, from Patch. They just yell the whole time!

We are pretty sure Tagg Romney wants to punch Keith Ellison, or Chris Fields. Probably both of them, since they’re both black.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • I love me some Muslin congressman

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      I prefer Chintz Congressmen, myself.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Taffeta or GTFO.

        • bikerlaureate

          What, no love for acetate?

          • TULLE LIBEL!

          • Gleem McShineys

            Can I interest you in a fine silicone covered titanium? Comes with the undercoating built right in. Of course, we'll upgrade your order to President, free of charge!

    • mrpuma2u

      When do we houndstooth people get a voice in congress???

      • emmelemm

        Just behind the herringbone people.

        • And just in front of the plaids.

          • Nobody ever remembers about the Czechs, do they?

            Except maybe Liz Cheney.

      • You're a cat. HTH do you get away with being a houndstooth?

    • I just luvs me sum Keef.

  • So we now have a lowlife scumbag.

    Do I hear "high life scumbag"? Anyone bid for "high life scumba– Sit down, Mrs Romney…

    • bikerlaureate

      Hey, now, scumbags are people too.

      • shelwood46

        That has not actually been proven by science.

    • CommieLibunatic

      I think we usually call those Bankers.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "Why, some of best friends are low-life scumbags."

      • ALL of my friends are lowlife scumbags. I need a better set of friends.

        • LesBontemps

          You'll need to stop hanging around here, then.

          • Well … that's kinda what I meant, but *I* didn't want to be the one to say it. (runs away swiftly)

          • CindynEncinitas

            I heart you, MittBorg… *sigh*

          • I heart you too, sweetie. (big friendly hug)

  • Goonemeritus

    Poltifact rates the claim that Chris Fields is a lowlife scumbag totally true.

  • sbj1964

    Tagg Romeny would never fight a Muslim.He is a draft dodger like his dad.

    • Antispandex

      OH… I get it! You can't compare Tagg, with the name of a child of a former Wasillabilly Governor's child, in a humorous way. Sorry!

    • Stevola

      He's not a draft dodger. We don't have a draft now. He's a chickenshit.

  • Typodong3

    Is Chris Fields a tax-evading, dog-fighting, terrorist, marxist/socialist sexual predator? YOU DECIDE.

    Hey I didnt explicitly say those things. I was just ASKING.

  • hagajim

    I think I might have to go purchase some muslin just for this.

    • I have a bale or two. Don't ask.

  • Schmannnity

    Given the current discourse rules, Ellison should have pulled a Mitt and added "STFU and sit down."

  • Schmannnity


  • Pragmatist2

    I am a constituent of Keith Ellison's and I never heard of this "low-life scumbag" running against him until just this minute. I'd say Keith hasn't got much to worry about. And Fields may have trouble getting his garbage collected.

    • Lucky you to have such a terrific Rep. He's good folks. Smart as a whip, too.

  • bikerlaureate

    Clearly Ellison needs to send out a mailer with a nice picture of Chris Fields on it, and the words "LOW-LIFE SCUMBAG" on the other side of the page in a nice, big stencil font.
    His campaign staff seems savvy enough to suss out "the rest of the words there".

  • barto

    Can't we all just get along?!?

    • BadKitty904

      Dang, u beat me to it.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I hate the phrase Reverse Racism. It's like, black or Muslim or whatever people can't just be plain old racist? Like women have to be reverse sexists? (like reverse cowgirl?)

    And also, a lot of other words on the paper? Like, Keith, Ellison and is? I thought these people were the ones who KNEW what the definition of "is" is?

    • FNMA

      Reverse cowgirl? I think we all can get behind that. Wait a minute…I think I'm doing that wrong…

      • The thing I like about the reverse cowgirl is you get to talk about her behind her back to her face.

        • Fare la Volpe

          And fuck her over while you're at it — ba-da bing!

          • Yellerdawg

            Plus, it avoids having to get into awkward positions for the camera angle. So I've been told.

    • docterry6973

      Reverse cowgirl? What's the reverse of a cowgirl? A cowboy? Indian? Indian princess? Language is hard.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Things get a leetle testy next to that fiscal cliff…..

  • "My opponent, pork eating, multiple wife marrying, porn loving, card carrying AQ member, communist nazi homo Demrat Keith Ellison is being mean to me for no fucking reason. Waaaaah"

    • bikerlaureate

      Bully, victim, bully, victim, bully, victim…

    • Give Ellison credit: Fields is an ex-Marine

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Figures. Black? Republican? Both at the same time?

        That means either ex-military or chickenhawk radio talk show host.

  • gullywompr

    You know who else's concession speech I'm looking forward to hearing?

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Michelle Bachmann? (Speaking of crazy Minnesotans)

      • grex1949


        • ChuckieJesus

          Two times!

    • Schmannnity

      Joe Girardi?

    • Goonemeritus

      It can’t be Hitler in this case.

      • Besides, that's MY line.

        • Goonemeritus

          When you're right you're right

    • Disassembly

      Pizza Hutt sausage?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Paul Ryan twice?

      • tessiee

        DINGDINGDING!!! We have a WINNAH!

      • Blinkthink

        Silly, they don't let the Veep give a speech…he wouldn't give specifics anyway.

    • Allen West? Joe Walsh?

    • BadKitty904

      Mitch McConnell's?

      But *only* if he sings this when he goes –

    • bikerlaureate

      Todd Akin?

    • GregComlish

      "Hotdogs! Get your Hotdogs! Polish Sausage! Can't beat these prices!"

      • gullywompr

        Speech, not stand.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Scott. Fucking. Brown.

      That one will be one to savor.

      • Blinkthink

        That will be so sweet…..gonna have the bubbly ready.

    • Judge Reinhold?

    • Callyson

      Joe Walsh's?

      (I almost typed Hoe Walsh. I think I was right the first time.)

    • Mittens. I'm betting $10K of his Rmoney on it.

    • shelwood46

      Holy shit, how can I be this late and no one has said AOTK?

      • LesBontemps


  • Lucidamente1

    Sir, I demand an apology! Calling Chris Fields "a low-life scumbag" is an insult to low-life scubags everywhere!

  • Fare la Volpe

    Tagg Romney does not punch black people – he isn't a barbarian!

    He has the help do it.

    • Toomush_Infer

      And they wear white sheets so as not to be recognized….

      • Mittaplasia

        …sheets NOT made from Egyptian cotton because muslins.

      • Fare la Volpe

        It's common knowledge that black people are very afraid of ghosts.

    • BadKitty904

      He'd be afraid to.

    • docterry6973

      Being a Romney, he will get four or five of his toadies to hold down the black person first. It's the Romney way.

  • Reverse racism would be like a white person who goes out of their way to be nice to non-white people?

    • Disassembly

      No, I think it's regular racism south of the equator.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      How about when you call the president a reggin?

    • I like that. Could y'all be reverse-racist to me, just for today?

  • Well, is Chris Fields a child porn producer? I am not saying that he is, just putting it out there. I mean, has he ever denied being a child porn producer?

    • Fare la Volpe

      The American people need to know if Chris Fields produces child pornography.

      • DahBoner

        Impeach him.

    • bikerlaureate

      Questions will be asked.
      There will be the asking of questions.

    • You know, I've read that in at least two places on the internet just now. I wonder if there's any truth to the idea that FIELDS PRODUCES KIDDIE PORN?

    • Goonemeritus

      I’m not sure where he would find time with such a large dog fighting business he hasn't denied owning.

      • Well, that would explain the cats he allegedly drowns. Also, not denied.

    • BadKitty904

      And has he stopped beating his wife/husband/kids/pets?

      • DahBoner

        Yet? Sadly, no.

    • Negropolis

      Just producer? You sell him short. I heard he's also an actor/director.

  • YouBetcha

    My goodness, how many Blah Muslins are we going to elect in this country before we say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

    • bikerlaureate

      Real Amercians will not stand for it!
      Send 'em all back to Muslimistan where they belong!!!1!

      • That's "MusliNistan" to you, buddy.

    • tracyhasfun

      I'm sitting here in a shitty mood, and your post alone made me giggle.

  • SexySmurf

    Ellison said. “You’re a scumbag. You’re a lowlife scumbag.”

    Keith Ellison added, "And I should know; I have binders full of lowlife scumbags."

  • HRH_Maddie

    Some of my best friends are lowlife scumbags.

    • tessiee

      Only some of them?

  • SorosBot

    See, that flier doesn't call Ellison a "reverse racist", it just asks the question if he is a reverse racist, which is totally different. Really.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Oh my god, "not to be confused with jacking off" – I love a detailed explanation. Even if it WOULD be easy to confuse that with what this guy is REALLY doing, that's one hell of an almost homonym.

      • SorosBot

        Though there are a lot of similarities between jacking off and the JAQing off Chris Fields did.

  • magic_titty

    These Field Hand vs. House Negro debates are really starting to get lively…

    • BadKitty904


    • Negropolis

      I mean, it just proves that Dr. King's dream is finally being realized. Only in America, baby. Only in America. We've made it. **tears up**

  • BlueStateLibel

    During the Rmoney knock-down fight the other night, I betcha there were a few times when the Secret Service was actually debating if they should intervene. "That Morman takes another step…"

    • Toomush_Infer

      Doesn't Romney get some Secret Service of his own at this point?….I'm just an advocate of Let's You and Him Fight, and brawls….

      • BadKitty904

        Needs moar folding chairs.

      • BlueStateLibel

        I think the Secret Service's first duty is to the POTUS, not some vulture capitalist bot. Maybe next debate will provide much-needed answers.

    • Disassembly

      Could you imagine that? One hits the other, both Secret Service details get involved and then everyone in the crowd jumps in. It'd be like the end of Blazing Saddles!

      • You brute, you brute!

        • jqheywood

          How did he do such wonderful work with such tiny feet?

      • shelwood46

        You've ruined the third debate for me. If this doesn't happen, it will be a crushing disappointment.

      • doloras

        … and then Obama and Biden sneak out to watch the end of the election at a nearby theatre?

    • I think Bamz plays some pretty rough basketball with his SS dudes. They probly know better than to try and interfere with the major beatdown he will surely inflict on FlabbyCheeks, if he wants to. I LOVED how he GROWLED at Mitt about politicizing Libya. Right then, it was obvious that Mitt was just a pack dog, trying for Alpha and failing.

  • Editrix, a follow up: apparently, Ellison has apologized for calling Fields a scumbag. I'd link, but I'm firewalled.

    • BadKitty904

      Now, he's challenged him to a duel.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Latest reports indicate they are both donning exoskeleton battletech mecha suits and preparing to battle in the ruins of an ancient earth city.

        • Negropolis


          I can say that because I'm from there and so is Congressman Ellis.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yep. But notice that the "lowlife" part still stands. Conspicuously, even.

  • emmelemm

    I totally don't understand that exchange. Fields says Ellison looked into *Fields'* divorce papers? But Fields actually looked into *Ellison's* divorce papers and found some domestic violence nonsense?


    • BadKitty904

      I think, when poo is being flung, it's best not to stop and analyze the poo.

      • emmelemm

        You are wise.

    • No, Fields accused Ellison of hiring somebody to uncover the fact that domestic violence was an issue in Field's divorce. Ellison denies this. Ellison has never been accused of domestic violence.

      • emmelemm


  • HempDogbane

    Where's Candy when we need her?

  • You know why this debate got so testy? It was held at 9 in the fucking morning. Fields hasn't had even his second drink by then!

    Well, I mean, he hasn't denied being a drunk, either.

  • An_Outhouse

    CHRIS FIELDS: My ex-wife was crushed by what you did.
    ELLISON: That's not what she told me last night.

    • DahBoner

      # WINNING

    • HogeyeGrex

      Gentlemen put their weight on their elbows.

  • Antispandex

    "Klan Member is only in there once. It's just two words. What about the rest? They don't count?"

  • CthuNHu

    This is an outrage. Fields should sue Ellison for slander and libel — in Merrie Olde Englande, where truth is not a defense.

  • An_Outhouse

    How could we be missing the other important stories being reported in the City Pages:

    Hilton Hotels Corp. denies misconduct in Minneapolis orgy

    • Sweet Lawdy Jebus!

    • docterry6973

      And City Pages includes a photo of what an orgy might look like. And it looks like fun!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Thanks, Faux "News! Now everytime I see the phrase "You decide", you've trained me to know that whatever claim is being made beforehand is pure bullshit.

  • Dumbedup

    Isn't that what Obama wanted to say the other night? Isn't it waht anyone running against a GOP'r wants to say. "Fuck you, you fucking scumbag piece of shit" But can't, because would look crazy etc.

  • grex1949

    I agree. Congressman Ellison will be re-elected with no problems whatsoever. He's done a great job, and I'm proud to have him as my representative in Congress.

  • Well that's interesting, but not up to the level of DuBois vs. Washington or X vs. King. Keep tryin', Brothers!

  • elviouslyqueer

    CHRIS FIELDS: My ex-wife was crushed by what you did.

    KEITH ELLISON: You know I didn’t do anything.

    Oh gurl, the earrings is COMIN OFF!

  • Yeah Keith, You're not being a racist in the way you're normally supposed to be a racist.

  • Callyson

    UPDATE :: Keith Ellison apologizes for calling Chris Fields a scumbag

    Aw, crap…I was hoping he would stick with it…

  • ChuckieJesus

    I voted for this guy, he reps my area. It's so nice when I don't regret a vote.

  • ttommyunger

    Not the most dignified of exchanges, amirite?

  • Negropolis

    You know, Ellison is probably right, but Ellison shouldn't even be debating this clown to begin with.

Previous articleFilthy iPads Finally Murder Newsweek Print Edition
Next articleScott Brown Pretty Much Asking People Who Lost Loved Ones To Mesothelioma To Punch Him In The Nads